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#47756
MurrS7
Participant

Week 1 gamble free. It’s been a rough one to say the least.they say each relapse teaches you something and you feel some different kind of pain as the previous one. This relapse hit me different. I guess mainly for the fact that I literally took out every available penny of credit left… I had never lost ALL of my available credit until last week. Well, I never thought my mind would allow me to take it that far I guess. I would have actually experienced this back in sept if my bank didn’t allow me to get another 5k on my credit card. Now I realized that the more $ a cg has available to gamble, he or she will eventually gamble it all till they have nothing left. I am still grateful for my family, I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I have a very solid support system through my family and friends, I have my health, I have resources available for councilling that I attend weekly again. Now I must stick to my guns. I read something here from someone the other day that said… you didn’t lose money, you invested in losing your happiness. Damn, that really hit hard.. literally for the past year I have invested in sleepless nights, anxiety, depression, self hate, financial stress, emotional stress, lost myself as a person. Lost the value of a dollar. I need to start investing in my happiness again because in the big picture, if I got my losses back right now, I would still be unhappy. I am trying to work on becoming happy internally again, it has little to do with money. We think it’s the money, but the gambling was actually just masking my unhappiness because i wouldn’t think of my insecurities and disastrous life while I was in action. Then it hits you ten times as hard once you hit rock bottom financially and also have all of your other demons to battle as well. Sorry for the rant.. I guess it helps me to just vent on here when I’m just lost with everything. Here’s to more gamble free days/months/years.

“Your success is not measured by how high you can climb, but how high you can bounce back when you hit the bottom.”

Thanks to all for your endless support. I appreciate every single one of you.