It’s been a good week on the whole. Was out for dinner with my family on Tuesday night which was great. Had a bit of a low day on Wednesday. Just starting to get a bit stressed out with studying. I’m finding it really hard to keep interested in what I’m supposed to be doing. I probably started university for the wrong reasons from a gambling perspective a few years back. Now, I’m trying to see it as more than an opportunity for a student loan but I just don’t think I’m interested in accounts. Anyway, I can do alot of other things with a degree not necessarily accounts related. I’ll be fine. Worked Thursday and Friday and went out to watch the Scotland game yesterday with one of my flatmates. Was good to finally break the ice with one of my flatmates.
I’ve been contemplating whether or not to post this next bit but, I’m still in recovery, and if I’m not being honest on here then what is the point.
I played poker online last night.
Got a cash voucher for £40 from a nearby shop and sat down to play at around 9.30pm. Played in a tournament that lasted until 3.30am. I now have £525 in my poker account.
I’m feeling OK about it today though for the following reasons.
1) I didn’t really enjoy playing. I was expecting the same sort of feelings of enjoyment I got before I went into therapy and they just weren’t there.
2)I was able to stop playing and keep what I had won. I’ve never been able to do that before.
3)At no point did I feel pressure to do any other forms of gambling, nor have I had any urges to gamble with my winnings.
I’ve cashed out what I had in my account and self excluded from the site. I feel like I’ve let people down. Maybe myself? Maybe not? Maybe it was OK for me to dip my toe in the water and see how it felt. I didn’t like it. I’m confident that if the enjoyment isn’t there any more then I won’t want to play.
0 days gamble free but I’m OK