I just wanted to say hi and let you know you have come to a safe nurturing place. I totally get your situation and I think all of us here can relate on some level. Like Velvet said, no one wants to be a compulsive gambler – the addiction takes over and that person is no longer who they used to be.
The best advice I got since being here is learning to just take care of yourself and your kids. You are not responsible for how a CG acts – his bets, his behaviors are HIS choices. If he is choosing to be abusive to you, that is his issue – what you decide to do about it is your choice.
No one should have to live feeling like they don’t want to get up in the morning – I understand totally. I feel that way myself many days. But I keep coming here, getting great support and advice and step by step, inch by inch, i feel like I am more in control of my life. Even though I also desperately want my kids to have their Dad, I have told my CG if there are certain things he continues to do, her just needs to leave – I drew a line in the sand and even though there is nothing I want more than my family, I guess I decided that I needed me and my dignity more…
Hang in there and keep posting. It is hard to believe but it helps to get all those feelings out and get feedback from those that have been there before.
Take care of you and your little ones..