Hi Sade,
Welcome to this community, I hope you will feel as supported as I did (and do!) since I first found this website.
The more you learn about the addiction, the better you can cope with it – I find. I learned that behind the “beast”, my husband is still the loving, wonderful person I knew: his low self esteem, insecurity and negative self image were things I had not realized he had.
Every day we are taking things 1 day at a time, which works well for us.
Sending you a big hug,
X
Berber