Well I went to my doctor today for a followup from my blood work. Needless to say not good, not good at all. My a1c ( a measure of blood sugar management ) is up another point in 3 months. 9.1 now, the highest that it has ever been in the last 13 years. To say I am discusted with myself is an understatement. He is insisting that I start taking short lasting insulin-which means 4 shots a day or go on an insulin pump. I dodged this bullit before but I just don’t have it in me anymore. I am tired of fighting only to end up a failure yet again. I feel like I have a giant “L” stamped on the middle of my forehead for the world to see. Funny how I had a gambling urge as soon as I got in the car. Funny how your mind wanders back to the familiar. Funny how I wished I was dead so I wouldn’t have to deal with this. Thats the upside of death, that this world and all its trouble are gone. I think of the family and friends that I have lost in the last few years and while I miss them more than words can say I am glad that they no longer struggle and suffer the pain found in this life. I guess I am a bit depressed but no worries. I’ll shake this off and make a new plan tomorrow. Today I’m just gonna feel sorry for myself and be done with it.
bettie
