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#4669
LostandDespair
Participant

Thank you Velvet, Monique and Dadda for your kind replies you have no idea how much it helps to know that I am not alone in this maddness.

Shortly after my last post, I am at my son’s sporting event with my mother and my ex cg approaches me (which is not uncommon) with his family watching on and the conversation ends with me telling him to walk away. Next morning I get a text from him and he said well since you mentioned split custody yesterday I would like to sit down and talk about this (Me: ummmm what????). My anger simmers and about 6 hours later reaches that calm boiling point. I respond to his text unleashing everything that I think of him and how I cannot believe that he wants to bring more conflict to my and my son’s life and upset everything that I have built for the past two years. He responds the next day “I will never forgive you for the things you said to me” (always the victim – everything I said was on point and although I was angry don’t regret a thing I said) and I think we need to talk about our child support agreement” I am stunned yet again (you would think I would get used to it by now) and spend two days writing a boundary email to him and have a coworker read it before I send it to him and tell him that we should revisit child support that HE set because I was so traumatized by my son and my life exploding and I agreed because I was scared about what the future held for us. I told him that I could not respond to him by text and I would not take any phone calls from him and that he needed to respond to me by email so that there were no further misundertsandings. My phone rang which I sent to voice mail and then the rapid texts start coming. I respond to him telling him I will need his income disclosed to me and he is back in threatening mode and trying to break me down again except this time I am not having it and I keep telling him he needs to respond to my email (and that he can still maintain his regular schedule with our son but I will no longer talk to him and that his access to me is denied) A week of back and forth and he relents and sends me his income amounts for the past two years (which for the most part are blacked out) and I send him a text stating you raised the issue and can’t even do this without conflict and upset (after he told me he would). He is back to his usual tactics of threats and abuse and then I look at everything and he has been paying me child support based off half his income but has always refused to disclose his income and I am beyond devastated yet again. How nice of him to buy our son boots and snowpants (out of the bottom of his heart) and apparently I am the one with the problem and don’t appreciate anything and should be grateful for his charity while he is gambling away all six figures of his income and doing everything that he pleases while not paying a mortgage and living off his family. Clearly, I am the one with the problem.

I respond by email and block him on my phone because he won’t stop tormenting me while I am at work and then I print off and pour through text messages and everything else that has occurred over the past two years and relive it all over again. I can’t even talk to him, I am scared and cannot believe the position he has put me and his son in. I agree to meet with him in a public place to discuss these issues (and know I am setting myself up for further verbal assault and abuse and threats) but make an appointment with a lawyer for the day before the meeting at a rate of $350 per hour and can’t believe this is happening but feel that I have no choice but to cut my contact and hand it off to a third party because not only am I emotionally bankrupt but I am bracing for what is coming. Figure out that he owes me close to $10,000 in back child support and am now facing substantial legal costs and am filing for custody and the proper amount of child support and know that he will not go quietly into the night but I can’t even bring myself to look at him litlle alone speak to him. I cancel my meeting with him and have instructed the lawyer to proceed – so tired and haven’t slept properly in weeks and am now looking at counselling at a further substanial costs in therapy because I can’t take it, wrap my mind around it and don’t have the emotional capacity to keep dealing with him all while trying to keep my son’s life as normal as possible. My lawyer told me it was time to have a talk with my son and that although I have been hiding the issues from him I need to discuss these things with my son and yet I can’t bring myself to do this although he sees me crying night after night, I just keep telling him mom is sad and now I have to wait for the courts to decide because I see no other way to bring it to an end and have him be accountable to someone or something and feel so beat up all while trying to keep it together. I know he loves our son but at the same time I feel like I have to fight because if I don’t he wins yet again further feeding his sickness and there is no end to this other then calling his bluff and rolling the dice and gambling my son’s future and upbringing in the process but know that he will never stop as it is all about control which he lost a long time ago and will never stop even at the expense of our son all while blaming me for this.