#2953
jamesn
Participant

Today when I drove my daughter back to her she told me that I should be ready to take care my daughter full time because she is applying within her company to move to an out-of-state location. Her company has many locations throughout the country. The current arrangement is that I have my daughter on the weekends and she has my daughter on weekdays but the arrangement changes in September when my daughter will be with me weekdays and with my wife on weekends.

I believe this is an empty threat. It worked before for her a long time ago. She was in a gambling binge, I confronted her, she threatened to move and I backed down.

Today my replied to her was “OK, I can take care of my daughter full time if that is what you want”. I was calm and did not react to her threat. My wife has told my brother’s wife that she doesn’t think I could take care of my daughter alone. It is certainly hard but I can. However, I don’t believe my wife will move away. If she does, I hope she moves to some place that doesn’t have casinos.

I met with a therapist for a second time last week. She suggested that my childhood may have something to do with my codependency issue. I grew up my grandparents until 12 while my other sibblings lived with my parents. My grandfather was a family patriarch and he simply liked me and told my mom that I would live with him. My mom didn’t have any say. Although my grandfather loved me, my grandmother was cold and mean to me.

My therapist also asked about my wife’s background. My wife’s father was also a compulsive gambler and caused her family financial troubles. My wife had to work early to support her mom. She moved to the US, worked full time while going to college to send money back to helped her family. She didn’t hang out with her college classmates either because she was working fulltime or because she didn’t fit in culturally and she was much older than most of them. She didn’t start gambling until her whole family moved here. My therapist said that my wife’s life burden was hard on her and initially she may have thought a little gambling can be harmless entertainment because she deserves it. My therapist told me that this is not to excuse my wife’s gambling problem but something that I should have knowledge of.

Thanks,