I am blown away by all the love and support – thank you all so much – San, Velvet, Monique Jenny – Thank you for hearing my cries – you advice is so helpful and gives me stuff to think about as i go thru my day, reflecting on the words of people who are many miles away but so close in others.
But I wanted to say: Jenny: your post was awesome – you hit the nail right on the head and I felt you really “get” where I am coming from – please write more! 🙂
Your post really helped me – I decided today I will eat one meal sitting down at the table – yes, it is that bad. I usually grab a bar while I am driving my kids 4hrs plus all over the earth, and I never hardly sit at dinner bc I am serving others or cleaning. So today – TODAY I will sit down and eat a meal. And try not to feel guilty about it. That sounds so stupid, i realize, but you know how life sometimes just gets away from you and you turn around and can’t believe where you ended up?? That is how it is for me.
I am harsh on myself. You are right. My life feels like a series of score cards on every activity that I do – as if the Olympic judges of life are following me around and my every act is graded by holding the score cards up: “and she scores a 6, a 5 and 3”. I do this to myself – but not intentionally.
As for my daughters school – Yes! They are obnoxious and yes I have tried to fight them every step of the way. But they are broken and I I don’t want them to break her. I just worry about switching schools mid-year, if that will be the right choice, if I’ll “screw up” again by making the wrong choice (the judges again).
As for my CG – he is supposed to come back Friday nite – I am sort of happy he is (I need the help) but sort of unhappy he will be back – then I will have to deal with whatever mess he may or may not bring. I agree there is nothing I can do about that – Right now I feel (like Jenny said) I am just trying to keep my head above water. Thats all I can do – do what needs to get done daily, deal with my kids and their needs, and hopefully sit down and have one meal at the table for myself. That would be an improvement.
Gotta run – more to do – more later-
love and hugs to you all..