Wow those are a lot of questions V!!! I’m going to try to answer them.
My son bottomed out about 2 years ago. He finally admitted he was a compulsive gambler after years of fighting with himself that he was “different” and could get this under control on his own.
I had started attending Gam Anon about 6 months before this. I honestly could no longer cope. I don’t know if I thought it was my fault that he became a CG but I certainly felt that I was c**p as a mom because I couldn’t fix this for him. It was heart wrenching as each time the bottoms became so low and he was so destroyed, I would give him my best “mom” pep talk and all would be good for a bit then BAM back to square one.
Even with him attending GA it has been hard. He is only now just starting to embrace recovery(I think). Previously I was pretty certain that he was just going and hoping that by sitting in the room that would be good enough.
His slips all seem to revolve around feelings of worthlessness which anybody looking in from the outside would not get as he appears to have it all. I know with absolute certainty where these feelings originate from and I think he does too but not sure he has tackled them.
He is still living with us and at his request I have complete control of all his finances. At least this gives him a fighting chance to get some “sober” time behind him whilst he works on the bigger issues. It’s funny his days of sobriety no longer seem important to me.
On my end I am no longer angry. I am just so sad that this addiction gripped my son… it must be awful being so afraid of yourself all the time. We seem to be at a much better place as a family. It’s not the “dirty” secret it once was and it no longer holds power over us. The chaos seems to be gone (for the most part).
As with everybody its ODAAT, some days not so good but all in all life most definitely is:)