Good day kin as i read your journal it reminded me about those same thoughts i had whenever i lose money whenever my wife quarrel over the family finances whenever i owe people money and the credit card sends me a letter on making payments. I felt that same thorn in my flesh.
Kin you and you alone is aware of your mind and you act upon your thoughts. Before you speak the power of words lies on the tongue. I change the way i speak to myself especially when i fully explored this website read people journal and observe their thought pattern it is the same when it comes to this addiction.
Key to starting clean is to empty your mind by renewing it each moment you are awake spend some time reading people testimonies on this forum. Observe your thought rethink reset your mind. Key words to use:” I am Going To……..” you fill in the rest of what you see yourself living from this moment onwards. Continue to keep journal note your progress. Reward your self with simple words of thankfulness. Start with simple things being awake alive and well,be thankful for what you have…. continue to seek positive reinforcement to help in your recovery. Focus on your self worth. Believe in yourself. You recognize that you are a amazing person. No matter what keep positive. I am rooting for you. You got my support i am 3 weeks gf and i am thankful for it it is the best gift i gaven myself this xmas and continuing into the new year 2020. I have a perfectly good health to which i am very thankful for. Kin i believe you ginna start making that difference now.
Have a bless day. Keep strong you got this…