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Hi Ray

I have read all your posts and have taken a lot from them, there has also been some good feed back from theone,
I just wanted to to share one bit of my past,
I am a compulsive gambler, I have been for years, and like you have found it hard to let go and wipe out the losses, the one thing I have learned from my time is, as a compulsive gambler you can never win enough,If you lose you want to win back your losses but in the same hand If you win you just want to win more, this is how this illness grabs you.

I once won £111,056 (to be precise !) out of pure luck on the national lottery, at the time this would have bought me 2 houses, and set me up for life, Instead as you can imagine I slowly dwindled the money through gambling telling myself I can play rationally and a little here or there will be alright,

The point I am trying to make is no matter how much you play with whether it be £1 or £100,000 you will still want to place that bet and you will chase the loss or the win, but in the end the ‘house’ wins and you will always lose, thankfully your not in debt and you have a good career ahead of you but if you don’t let go of that loss you could end up years down the line with a much bigger loss, isolating yourself from those who love you and the demons of that gamble taking more than just finances,
This illness has no boundaries, I have met lawyers, police officers, doctors, teachers, all who have had issues with losing the money they lost and whilst trying to win back the losses they have lost more money whilst also losing family, friends, businesses, pride and self worth, is that 40k you lost really worth losing the most dearest to you ?
By the sounds of it you are on the right course, payday is going to be a big one for you but arm yourself with as many tools as possible any would strongly advise you to tell someone close, a problem shared really is a problem halved,

Good luck and stay strong