Mama, we all feel alone as we hide our dark secret and not let anyone know cos we hope to get that big win. Unfortunately, that never happens and even when we do win, we play it all back. I’ve got yo the point of no return. I cannot control my gambling or help myself so I suffer in silence with the guilt and remorse and loss of time and wasted money. However, when we’re vulnerable it only leads to more gambling cos we get taken out of our situation with excitement, adrenalin rush and an illusion.
Just take it one day at a time. Don’t look back or beat yourself up. This is an illness we cannot control. But with each day we can learn to change how we behave or think and keep busy to help reduce the urge. Often anything that makes us feel bad, drives us back to our ‘comfort’ and ‘ happy’ zone.
Just hang in here as Sybil says and you’ll find the support and help you need. Write how you’re feeling, how you’re doing and how your day is going in your journal, it all helps to vent and come to terms with this demon and get to beat it. I’m going into residential care next week to conquer this do that my life and next decade will not be what is has been for the last 20 years or more.
Stay focused and keep posting.