Welcome . The first step is you have joined this amazing forum with lots of similar people with similar stories just like yours and mine in which you can relate to and know you are not alone. First let me start off by saying I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. I can see how this sent you into a spiral as usually every compulsive gambler gets deep into the vortex of gambling when a traumatic life issue takes place, it’s an outlet for us to escape our emotions while we are gambling, only to actually have that plan backfire on us when we lose our Money and then when we leave there now we have one more problem to deal with. I am all too familiar with chasing losses and let me tell you it does not work. I have actually recouped my losses 3-4 times up in the high thousands. Just to convince my brain that I am back at even. Let’s try to be smarter with gambling this time, only to lose it all again, and more of my own, and then here comes using the banks money to try to recoup the losses. I will never forget going on a 20-30 binge losing streak chasing a small loss that turned into a mountain of debt.. it’s like a nightmare in front of our very eyes we ask ourselves how in the world did it come to this. The good news is you can stop now and not dig that debt deeper. Sounds like you have a supportive husband who will be there for you. Have you tried G.A.? One on one councilling? It really helped me try to dig at the root of why I gambled so heavily. And it is an eye opener to hear and see other people’s stories just like yours and mine. It’s hard for someone who has never experienced a gambling addiction or an addiction of any kind to truly understand just how brutal this is for us… that’s why it’s nice to have people here and at ga to relate to. Like I said- you are not alone and you can live a gamble free life again, it is 100% possible. And I am not going to lie to you and tell you it will be easy. There may be relapses, there may be failures in your recovery like there was in mine, but those relapses and failures are all part of the process , so please be gentle on yourself. I was once told you can quit , but you got to really want it bad, you got to want it so bad that you do everything in your power to stop.(hand over access of your finances to your husband, attend weekly GA. And one on one counselling, I’ve recently found counselling covered by social services since I have no money to pay for it due to gambling and mounted debt. Ban yourself from all online and land based casinos *right now*! , tell your husband you will do anything to quit this evil disease, show him the steps you will take to stop! ) i promise you it gets easier as the gamble free days add up, even though it seems like things will never turn around. There is hope, for all of us. Keep posting here, all of your thoughts and emotions , it truly helps even if sometimes it seems like it’s pointless. In the end, you will look back on this storm you made it out and saw the light. I’m rooting for you ! You can do this.
