Some of the things I hate most about the situation … but especially today … is how all the “out of my control” events do take emotional toll. Even though I can “logic it out” and know that “feelings aren’t reality”, one of the things I have learned via my own therapy (as I have a strong tendency to intellectualize) is that, optimally, feelings and thinking should sort of walk “hand in hand”. And of course, when a person has choices and can make decisions regarding their life, that is a more likely outcome. Today has been one of those days where I just don’t “feel” up to snuff, and that has robbed me of energy. Plus, of course, having been dragged through the Court system yet again … finally coming to the (quite novel) realization that I have NEVER, EVER had “insurmountable” problems in life, outside the “system”.

I know that the responses (all of) you have provided are spot on … and have been a source of frustration to me in the past. There are things I dislike doing myself … and yes, at times, I have been guilty of transgressing … failing to call someone I ought to have or … whatever. The things I don’t like to do I now try to get over with first, so those are not “staring me in the face” all the day. And for me, that works.

I was doing some reading in general earlier about domestic violence, intimate partner violence and the like. Here in the U.S., despite all the lip service, the Supreme Court has already made it clear through rulings that we have no right to expect the police to provide relief or help if someone is hurting us, or if they are hurting our children. I’ve done much reading and research and I’m not sure if it helps … sometimes. But for me, truth is more comforting than the unknown and definitely better than lies. I hate all the PR about “there is help” … that is not my experience. Sure, there is help if you don’t mind giving up everything you have worked for and earned … and including, too often, your children.

Only in terms of marriage (or similar relationship) is there the expectation that the one bullied gives up to the bully and lets them have their way.

I guess I am wondering if there are countries where problems related to legalized gambling are “reportable” … where they are actually taken seriously. I’ve had a hard time locating good information on that. I just found out this last week that our state is (again) “studying gambling” as revenues are down, mostly due to increased competition, as it stated in the press.

The whole concept hit me the other day that the state too is acting just like a CG … ignoring the pleas and needs of the citizens it SUPPOSEDLY represents and governs on behalf of. Yet fawning and trying to come up with new ways to hit that “high” they achieved a while back, when the coffers were flowing and everyone was feeling good. It sure seems they should be studying … or at least be willing to pay attention to the concerns of those adversely affected.

I dread having the house sale and eviction looming … on paper, I have been made to look completely irresponsible. I have no idea how to “explain” what’s happened without sticky explanations and putting it all under the umbrella of “divorce, you know” when in reality, THAT is not the case at all. Lots of people go through divorce without destroying everything and everyone in their path.

And of course, there is the matter of my daughter’s credit. Eventually, she will be subjected to garnishments, making her own affairs more difficult to manage. It just makes me angry that by doing absolutely nothing (but at the same time, disobeying the Court), life can be made quite hectic and full of crises, until it is hard to even remember or prioritize what remains to be done. Sorry to sound so negative, although in circumstances, it may be normal I really hate feeling as I do today!