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    • #12761
      catgirl19696
      Participant

      hi all,
      I stopped gambling 10 years – well coming up to 11 years ago. Gambling nearly ended me, many times over. I did it for just over 10 years from when I was 18 through to 30. It happened quickly. Within 6 months i was gambling on poker machines/slots by myself and lying about where i was going. I gambling for a whole bunch of reasons. I gambled because i was broke, because i was bored. I gambled because i was sad and happy and when i felt nothing. I gambled after work and during work and on the way to work – whenever i could fit it in and had money in my pocket. I gambled because i was lonely and stressed and wanted to zone out. Most of all I gambled because I loved it.
      When I stopped I went to GA a broken shell. I didnt want to hear the message. I just wanted the continuous crisis to stop. I sat in meetings because it was better than gambling and doing it again. Eventually I spoke to someone and shared. Eventually I started to get involved.
      Today I still feel the effects of compulsive gambling. I feel it in my chest when i feel ashamed. I feel small when things don’t go my way or I am forgotten. i want to run and hide and not be. I don’t want to be responsible. I don’t want to be grown up and at these times the pull back to the unmanageable uncontrollable life of a compulsive gambler is strong. I know that life. But I also know – I knew – that this was the last recovery I had in me. And when i want to act like a child – well maybe i just need to take care of myself until i CAN take the next step.
      Its tricky thinking to understand that while the next could be just around the corner – i am a far long way away from the person i was when i made my last bet.
      Thanks for listening
      Ccourage and wisdom..

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