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    • #183079

      I’m gambling on slots over 15 jears now. Gambling was always a unhealthy way to run away from my fears and sad feelings. But it just buys me a little space of time, without thinkig of all the things which make me cry, when i really start to recognice them. I watch my gambling now for a while and i’m realising, that my catastrophic gambling is often the only way to get in touch with the deep down diggered feelings of myself. When all the money is gone, again and again, i often wake up in the morning and start instantly crying. But it seems to be the only moment which let me get access to these sadness in me. I realiced now after so many jears that it might also have a little positiv site in between all these bad aspects of gambling. I am learnig to watch this feelings that are coming up in me, and let them be with me. They want to be seen, thats why they are challenging me so hard so many jears in gambling- until i understand why, and until i find a way to save me from new emotional overload. I am a very sensitive person, people really like to talk to me, and i always listen, but thats one of the rasons why my system is full, in “cognitive overload”, and i need a qiet save space i can get into in every moment – the online casino.. thats so bad..
      I slowly realise the tragic circle i’m in, while writing these words.. thanks for reading, Sarah:)

    • #183092

      Welcome here and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums.

      Sarah, your courage in sharing your story is admirable. Recognizing the complex relationship between your emotions and gambling is a significant step towards understanding and healing. Seeking support, whether from professionals or loved ones, can help you find healthier ways to navigate those deep emotions. Remember, there is hope, and many have overcome similar challenges. Your journey towards emotional balance and well-being is worth every effort. You’re not alone in this.

      Here at Gambling Therapy, we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum, you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum, so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group on Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care.

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #183100

      Thanks to the admin “Antonio” for the fast response.

      It’s all about learnig to Set Limits- the one thing i never have been able to do in casinos.

      But that might be the general problem of an addicted person. People who set their Limits in casino, and accept them without looking for next casino when Limit full used.
      these People maybe also have no problems in their daily life limiting other People and their needs, and regcognice the own needs.

      My aunt told me yesterday “the task is not to deal with all needs of the People arround you (and run once a week to the therapist who helps handle that stuff), it is to set boundaries which help you not feel overloaded”..

      She might be right with it. Maybe this perspective is the right one for me and my personality.

    • #183164

      Hi Kin 😊, i’m happy that i found this forum. I have installed the gamban App and got access to this Page. I’m from tirol (Austria) and here are no gambling addiction help groups. To write here seems to help me a lot. And helps me to stay on the straight way i want to stay. How do you do in your life at the moment?

    • #183169

      One thing that frightens me at the moment, is the next payment day when i get my money. (30th every month)
      Thats the time what will show if my mind will be clear and strong enough to stand the urge to gamble.
      I will try to come continually to this platform and write down my sorrows and other stuff which comes through my mind. Thanks to the People who do the same and read that 😊

    • #183176

      Thank you. You’re absolutly right with your words. If you like, i’d be very happy if you remind me on that. To take care when the dangerous times come every month. Until the last jears i gave my boyfriend 50% of my money every month that he puts it away from me, that the damage is not so big that it would ruin me completly. But i’d like to have all my money safe in future. Yaeh, you said really true words- dont put yourself in danger. I’ll tell myself as a mantra from now on. Thank you 👍

    • #183197

      I’ve seen that my post about “god” has been reported as “inappropriate content”.. 🤔🤔🤔

      I’ve read a few posts with content about seeking god and things like that.
      Can i get an answer what is so wrong about mine?

    • #183198

      I saved my text and put it into my own topic. Down is the copy of it.
      I think addiction and seeking of spiritual sence is often next to each other. When you get away from your addiction there is often a big black hole in you, wahts needed to be filled with something else, something worthfull with meaning. For some people it might be sport, that helps a lot, but for a lot of us it might be not enough. Looking for a deeper sence in life might give the strengh to go on. For me this posting is absolutly not “inappropriate content”. Sence of life sticks together with addiction, in my picture of life. Its absolutly ok when somebody else doesnt think this way. I also found a lot of things here which i might not agree for me in my life, but i never would mind that. This should be a “journal section” where people can write down their thoughts- but with walls in my head, of what is allowed to think and write, its impossible to write again.

      》》》This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.《《《

      One thing about god.. most time of my life i was thinking about god and why we are might be here in this world.
      About one aspect i’m really sure, god is in you and always with you. To be with god doesnt mean to make no mistakes. God gives you the free will to make your mistakes and to learn from them. Thats true and real sence of love. Let someone the free decicion, to go away from you- and come back when the time is right again.
      A spiritual teacher told me once this sentence “we are sprit, making a human-earth-expirience”
      Thats what it’s all about. Spirit, our soul, which wants to explore all the diffrent aspects of life and reality. In this concept of thinking, there might be reincarnation- without that it might make no sence.

    • #183223

      Wiriting my thoughts seems a good method to reflect my self, and to see myself from outside, from a higher perspective. I’m in therapy for addiction now about 5 jears, i wonder why my therapist never told me, that this might help.
      Another good idea i found, is “to draw two possible pictures of my future” one side with what might be the way of life without gambling, and on the other side what it would be when i go on with it like i did the last 15 jears. To remind my self on the possible future helps me to understand that it needs to take a lot of small steps to create a new life, and many single small decicions against every thought which makes me want gamble. Maybe these steps aren’t as small as they might look like. Maybe their’e the biggest steps ive made in my whole life.

    • #183227

      Picture of two possible ways

      After 15 jears gambling i’ve went on with it the whole rest of my life. I’m 68 jears old now, and i’m living in a little flat. I’m feeling devastetad. Why did I do all that to myself?
      Why i wasnt been able to care for myself?
      Its never to late to make a change, but i really doubt i can do this kind of change.
      All this beautiful dreams of life i’ve had, theire all destroid by the destructive part of myself.

      Cause I’ve always lied to myself with thinking “next month I really quit gambling” after I smashed my plan from last month, quitting gambling next month.

      So the months went on, got into jears and into nearly five decades of self destruction. What can i say at the end of this life?
      I really know what it’s ment to be an addict. But should this knowlege be the only real topic on which i got an expert?
      I wish i could go back in time and tell my jounger self that it has to stop. Still stop now. To stop now would be the greatest Jackpot of life. And prevent this terrible summary of wrong choices over a whole lifetime.

      I’m really proud of quitting gamble in my middle 30’s. It’s been the most life-changing chioce i’ve ever made.
      In my younger jears of life i’ve learnd a lot of what it’s ment to be an addict. About freedom and discipline, and how these two things necessiate each other.

      All I’ve ever wanted was real true freedom. The jounger version of myself thought, freedom means you can do what you will every time you will. But that’s a big fallacy.

      Without having the discipline and the right mindset to care for yourself, you’ll get in to deep trouble.
      And if no one’s arround you who know’s you and has the will and time to help you out, you’ll end possibly as an addict like i did.

      To realice the importance of discipline in all daily life situations, gave me the empowerment to free myself, into true freedom.

      I recogniced that I must be this person who helps me out of that. Freedom doesnt mean to do every unhealthy thing you like, cause it gives you instant good feelings- no, especially it doesnt mean that.

      Freedom means to be a master of own life, and thankfully care that life. Love myself, dont destroy myself.
      Don’t gamble with health and money, which is needed in this world to create a fine way of living.

      I always dreamed of a world without money, where all people help each other.
      But at this time in which i’m living (if like it or not) money is needed. I can accept reality, or run against the same walls i did over jears.
      Cause I never cared about having money, and did all that stupid things to throw my money out of the next window. I’m happy that my jounger self decided one moment in time, to end this. Thank you 👍

    • #184094

      I really wonder where kin has gone.. ?

    • #184118

      A few minutes ago i saw a girl, same like i was about 20 jears ago. She wants to leave her moms house and went out in own flat. I did that at age 16, my mom payed that flat with dads money. But that was truely the last thing i wanted at this time. It was a teenage protest wich was one of the last trys to encourage my mom to take care for me. But it didnt work. I know the first day in this flat, i was sitting on the ground so terrible crying, cause my mom let me live in this terrible house without looking on me. My drug use expolded at this time, until i took so much magic mushrooms that i got into a total psychotic state of mind. But non of that helpd me at that time, with what i truely wanted, that my parents take care of me. That never happend in the way i needed. Its hard to care for yourself when you dont learn it from your parents. I saw in this girl the same kind of feelings, she doesnt like to leave, but she sees no other way. Is there a way to prevent trauma as a child?

    • #184125

      Or might it be destiny what your childhood includes on trauma. When I see what one big trauma can do to your personality, it can change your way of living.
      And the only chance you’ll have, is to process it over jears, in therapy if possible, or on your own.
      But it might always take jears. And a lot of traumaticed people think, its theire own fault that they arent able to live a normal healthy life.

      The problem is, that they never learnd to love themselfes. Cause parents had’nt been able to care in the right way. Parents like that might be not always bad people, but they have theire own trauma, what they were struggling with. It seems to be a trauma circle over generations.

      The only way to stop this circle, is to recognice that you have always been a worthful human beeing, which just came (born) into very difficult circumstances of life.
      There is no guilt of a child in anyway.
      What helped me here also, was the perspective change into a higher position. A spiritual perspective.
      Maybe our soul comes to this world, more than one time?
      And maybe in my last life i’ve already had that parents who cared in the right way (?).. and what if my soul wants to see every possible aspect of beeing human?
      This perspective on life makes the harder expiriences less harder. Cause it might be just a part of a very long story back to god- the center, the beginning and end of all living.
      The question of guilt is the wrong approach, i think.
      Better looking for solutions, accept the past.
      Cause you’ll never can change it afterwards.
      Create a picture of the best version of your self, and try to become that person,
      step by step. You can give your self the absolotuion to be free from all bad behavior, when you learn to love and care for yourself.
      Addiction is self destruction, self destruction just happens without enough love for me and myself. It’s ok how it is, it can become good in the future- if I create it.

    • #184134

      In german language addiction means “sucht” an addicted person is a “süchtiger”- the word “sucht” is nearly the same like “suche” but suche means to search something. Its an interesting connection between theese words.

    • #184150

      Hi Sarah, I’ve just been reading through your thread. Looks like a few replies have been deleted so my apologies if I repeat something that has already been said.

      First I’ll try and answer your question about the “reported” post. I’m not sure where that post was but any forum user can click on “report” so I don’t know why it happened in this case or who it was that reported it. I do know, having read the copy of your text here, that there was nothing wrong with it and no action would have been taken 🙂

      You are already taking positive actions and starting to address thigns. If you are frightened about what might happen on pay day then make sure you put thigns in place before payday then it just becomes….a day. 🙂 We all know that no money = no gambling, we useually found that out when we lost it! Now use that in recovery. It would still be your money of course, putting barriers and accountability in place just means we can’t gamble it easily or secretly.

      Keep posting and maybe I will see you in one of the groups here as well.

    • #184165

      Thank you for your response. I’ll do that. To write here helped me really a lot. I’ll try to meet the groups in the right time Uk/Austria is one hour different i saw last thursday 🙄. I’m happy to meet you there.

    • #184168

      Very good perspective on putting away access to money is just making payday one day in month, thank you for this input 😊. Patterns of behavior over jears in life needed to be deprogrammed in my software (my brain).
      Since i’m writing in this forum, my daily behavior also has changed a bit. I’m less consuming entertainment like streams on YouTube or things like that. And i’m more thinking about me and reality. I’m also feeling a little bit better and more motivated. Thanks to all of you here.

    • #184208

      I’ve tried a little experiment the a few days ago.. I left about 100€ on my bank account to test how it feels. My normal behavior in this situations has been to use it for slots in the next weak moment, or most time i’ve planned to use it. I’ll try to keep it this time, and watch myself what feelings might come and go.

      • This reply was modified 4 weeks, 1 day ago by sarahluna88.
    • #184213

      What It Is (English transaltion of “Was es ist” from Erich Fried)

      It is nonsense
      says reason
      It is what it is
      says love

      It is calamity
      says calculation
      It is nothing but pain
      says fear
      It is hopeless
      says insight
      It is what it is
      says love

      It is ludicrous
      says pride
      It is foolish
      says caution
      It is impossible
      says experience
      It is what it is
      says love

    • #184246

      I used the 100€ to pay a bill for my busticket. There were some few momemts where my brain had thoughts on gambling, but they were very short and less intense. But it had remind me not to gamble with health and money- so better give away paycheck in future

    • #184254

      What me really wonders, is that there are not more active gamblers using this page. There are so many addicts, who struggle over jears, without any kind of therapy. Or they struggle so hard cause there is no therapy.
      Gambling isn’t seen as such an hard addiction in society. I’ve talked to many doctors over the jears, about my problem, but nearly no one of them really knew more about problem gambling.
      Thats a tragic situation i think. Gambling did the greatest damage of all the addictions I’ve ever had. A lot of other people in same situations expirienced it the same way, suicide thoughts, stealing money and food- such things make feel you like you are the worst peace of shit. To accept what you’ve done,
      to finance your addiction is very hard when you’ve done such bad things. I just once stole 100€ from my boyfriend’s safe, that made me felt so terrible, that I never did again. But I’ve heard from fathers who stole money from their children, thats a hard fact to live with. Stay in focus, in this one position where you are in balance of your emotions and needs, might be the way to prevent more life destruction.

    • #184333

      Today i watched a lecture on YouTube about addiction. There was an interesting point- the speaker said “addiction is a disease like diabetes or other chronic diseases, but the addict has the key to change his situation by decicion- others doesn’t have this possibility”
      Thats a good aspect of a bad thing, maybe if I’d have an other chronic disease and I’d heard that sentence, I’d might think, why couldn’t I “just” be an addict..

    • #184394

      Today I’ve had a very emotional conversation with a mother at my age, who has a daughter at age 13.
      She had a very good relationship with her daughter until last jear, when her daughter got into a new school and there were other children bullying her a lot-
      so she got into a circle of aggresion against herself, her mother and family, and began to carve her own skin on legs and arms. She also started using drugs, a friend of her nearly died of an overdose.
      A lot of that stuff reminded me on my past and my friends at that time.
      The mother really fights for her daughter, but the only way she sees at the moment, is to put her away into a student home with very hard boundaries and lot of control, where they get something like an “ankle bracelet”..
      I told her that she should do this, just a few time. Cause she lost control over her daughter, and she must prevent that her daughter brings herself in more danger. Maybe one time in future she will be thankful that her mother choose this way to take care for her, and not let her run away into more self destruction and danger drug use.
      Cause the most important thing for parents in this situations might be, to not give up. And not let their child do whatever that child would do.

      You’ll never know what might be the best solution, but you need to do something, to bring your child into a safe space, where damage could get reducted.

    • #184669

      Hi sarah,

      Your last post was on the 13th November 2023.
      Hope all is well with you.

      Best wishes from Kin

    • #184865

      All well so far, thank you kin.
      A few things happend in my life last 2 weeks. I wrote it down a few minutes ago, and it was deleated as i wanted to post it 🤨.
      I will try it again when i’m at home

    • #184866

      Hi sarahluna88,

      Good to see you again.
      You can write on the word document first.
      After you have finished doing that, you can copy it and paste here.
      This way you will not lose everything you wrote especially if it is a lengthy one before the session expires.

    • #184874

      Last 2 weeks..
      One absolut strange situation was that morning 2 weeks ago, i sat down in bus to work, and there was a mother of a girl which was a classmate of my brother at 16 and he liked her very much that time. She once was at home by my brother and that day my father saw her there. A little bit time after that he started a relationship with her- that might be not the best idea, but still not so bad like the shit he did to her. My father is an ingenieur and an architect, at that time he built a brothel in germany (he always was strange)
      And the mother told me, her daughter told her totally under tears, that my father convey her to this brothel at age 17 (!) And told her she can use the “good money for less work” to finance her father a good hospice cause her father had cancer that time. (Wtf)
      Out of the bus i wrote my father a massage with all that in it, and asked him what happend that time.
      His answer was “she was just a little slut, which did everything for cocaine..”
      My reaction to this was,”do you understand the problem her mother might have? Or the thousands of problems she still have, like drug addiction, schizophrenia and so on..? Cause she was really desorianted in her youth??
      Like myself (!?)
      Then he said, thats the guilt of her parents- my thought was (“fuck you look at me, and your guilt”) but i didnt say that. After back and forth he said he is responsible for all that shit what the mother told. And he is sorry for that. After this i really asked me, what do i really want from this guy? Is there a chance to find a father in such a man? Today i’m still not sure about the answer..

      But the situation increased my critical thinking of man in general. I had a lot of problems to start relationships with man in my past, i thought i never will get it right. I was lesbian about 12 jears of my life, cause it all has to do with your parents. This situation now trigged some “manhate” in me- so that my boyfriend was really shocked why i look so bad at him.

      There are a few deep problems which i havent seen jet in myself..

    • #184875

      And the other one, i’ve lost a tooth last week- it still hurts and didnt stop bleeding over two days..
      But interesting thing, gambling was no thought that time jet..

    • #184878

      Reminder…Today is already the 26th

      You posted: “One thing that frightens me at the moment, is the next payment day when i get my money. (30th every month)

      Charles posted:

      This is a phrase/tactic you will often hear here. No money = no gambling. We know this from when we lost it all in the past! It can now be a great barrier to help us stop gambling.

      It is important to remember though that the opposite is also true – no gambling = we get money again. We get paid again, we get allowances again, we pay down some of our credit meaning we have available credit again. Which is the point of course but can become an ever decreasing circle if we gamble every time we get funds again.

      So if you are new to recovery, if you are stuck in one of those circles, then take actions now, while you don’t want to gamble, then things are in place when funds return.

      “I’ve lost all my money so I don’t need to be accountable” doesn’t really cut it – you will get funds/credit moving forward and things need to be in place before that happens – waiting till we have money again is often too late.

      Charles posted:

      I’m sure you will have read the barriers that have helped others on some of the other threads here?

      Here are some suggestions though – you deposited money on……. – how about closing it and, importantly, asking them to ban you? There are also blockers you can download to stop you signing up on other gambling sites.

      Accountability – who can help you with this so that you can’t gamble secretly or instantly act on an urge? When I first stopped I had all bank statements etc sent to my mum’s address and on payday my money transferred to her account. It was still my money of course, it just meant that I couldn’t gamble it.

      Report your credit/debit cards lost or damaged. You will get new ones. Get someone else to open the envelope when they arrive and scratch off the 3 digit code. You then can’t register them on any online sites.

      Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking now, while you don’t want to gamble and before the urges return.

      • This reply was modified 1 week, 4 days ago by kin.
      • This reply was modified 1 week, 4 days ago by kin.
      • This reply was modified 1 week, 4 days ago by kin.
    • #184925

      Hi sarahluna88,

      It is so important to emphasized the benefit of setting up a good barrier to help us stay gamble free.
      It stops me when I want to gamble because I do not have the free time, money and place to gamble so I cannot act out my thought and feeling.

    • #185069

      Hi kin 😊, paymentday was no problem this month. Maybe it is, cause I need all my money for a big dentist bill in december (~3000€), what i absolutly need to pay. My money is still on my bankaccount, i’ll take it tomorrow morning in cash and give it to my boyfriend. But my mindset is much better since i’ve wrote a lot about me and myself.
      When I need to do really important things, its in most cases no big deal for me to control myself. The dangerous times for me are when no big bills needed to get payed. Thank you very much for your reminding. How many jears do you have gambling problems?

    • #185082

      You ask me, “How many years do you have gambling problems?”

      I am a compulsive gambler. I was blinded to my gambling problem and did not believe that I had a gambling problem for many years. I first experience losing all my pocket money to a fruit machine when I was less than 12 years old. That was more than 40 years ago.

      I only found out that I can seek help for this problem 18 years ago. I have continue to slip and relapse all these years until this day whenever I am not careful. This problem has affected my daily life and I cannot function properly like a normal person.

      Recently I ask myself: What are the proof that I am in recovery? What are the evidence that I am in recovery? Is it all worth it?

      I have kept an excel spreadsheet of all the amendment that I have made in recovery. These are proof and evidence that recovery is helping me to do thing that I cannot do previously for me and my love ones. It has given me hope and keeps me going. My life will be unimaginable and a lot worst if I did not seek help. I am very sure this recovery thing has saved my life.

      When you are active gambling, you have to deal with the problem that gambling give you, but after you have stop gambling, you still have to deal with all the living problem that can lead you to gambling. I take it one day at a time.

      I try to stay gamble free one day at a time. It has help me stay gamble free in November 2023.

      This is my shameful and embarrassing but honest answer to your question.

      • This reply was modified 6 days, 23 hours ago by kin.
    • #185103

      Thank you for telling me your story. Helping other people with your own story is very powerful. I’m happy that you are here in this forum, and interact with everyone. Your posts reminded me to come and write again cause I get the info per mail 😊
      Who know’s whats the plan behind all these hard lifestorys. But this question isnt needed to be answerd, just stay on focus 👍

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