12 February 2017 at 4:22 pm #5503cheyenneabeeParticipant
I left my boyfriend after living together over a year. During that time, things were mostly great, with little bouts of terrible. I loved my boyfriend so much. He had a big gambling problem before I met him. I didn’t even know what shooting dice was before him. I had never gone to a filthy casino. Those were actually our first dates, but to the uninitiated it was harmless.
Fast forward a year. I am now pregnant after a mutual decision to bring a child into the world. I have left him and I live at my parents. For weeks after giving up our home in favor of keeping his money, my ex has been swearing that he’s going to win me back and take care of this baby.
For weeks after giving up our HOME in favor of keeping his money to GAMBLE, my ex has been faithfully giving away his last penny to gambling. I see no end, even with the baby. I know stress triggers relapse, but for a year I would see relapse coming. He gets restless, violent, and hateful when the urge strikes and he won’t stop until he’s sheepishly telling me that all the money is gone.
He lies to my face. I don’t know what to do. This child is not a pawn and should not be used as a weapon; I would never keep him from seeing this baby just because he couldn’t be a partner to me. At the same time, I do NOT want my kid to see their father broke down and struggling with an addiction that I never even knew existed until recently. It’s really bad.
He was my only friend. I am so lonely and so miserable but after getting my hopes up week after week and being just absolutely crushed I have realized that there are two people hurting me in this cycle and the second person is myself. I can stop him from hurting me.
I can’t save him from his own brain. He had this problem long before I came along. I am seeking advice from moms, girlfriends, even addicts who can help me to make the best choice.
I NEVER EVER thought that I would be a single mom. I never thought he would do this to me. It happened and now I am so shocked that I need help to decide how to navigate this for the sake of my baby.
My hurt and my pain are nothing compared to the way a child looks waiting on an adult to come through for them, and I want to figure out how to keep him from scarring my baby later in life.12 February 2017 at 5:26 pm #5504lilyParticipant
My heart goes out to you. I too had a baby with a gambling addict, I left him when my baby was one year old, I have never regretted it. You have done a brave thing and put yourself and your baby first, my advice for you is – Keep yourself safe, try to make friends, being pregnant is a good time to make close friendships, eat healthy, appreciate the family that have taken you in, time will go by, things will get easier at some point, truly they will.
As for him actions talk louder than words, be clear with him why you left and if he wants to fix it he needs to do something about him and seek professional help. Try not to let his moods, successes and failures rock you to much, concentrate on the growing life within you. Maybe find a birthing buddy so you have support through that and you are not relying on him.
As for later when the baby is born, try not to worry about that yet, like them (CG’s) we need to take one day at a time, find something you like to do each day, build your life baby step by baby step. You may well find things look very different to you in a years time. You can’t possibly make any decisions until you get there. He may amaze you and step up, you may find yourself in a position where your life is about you and your baby and his influence is suddenly less. If he is violent you have a right to protect you and your baby from that whatever the ‘reason’ behind it (in my eyes there is no excuse).
Keep posting you will only find love and support on this forum. Hugs, Lily x13 February 2017 at 10:06 am #5505DuncKeymaster
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team
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