17 August 2013 at 4:38 pm #9215ltw2013Participant
Hi, obviously I’m new here.
I’ve been a gambler since August 2012, became hooked due to winning the first time I ever put a big bet on. Before that I just did your typical Saturday football coupons. Basically I gambled out of boredom, family problems with my daughter and just to have something to brag about to ‘friends’. Those friends have come and gone after all the disgusting things I did to get money to just do that one bet I needed a day. Funny, that one bet became 2, 3, 4, 5 and so on. It’s a buzz that I didn’t get since seeing my daughter. Could I really replace my daughter with a horse race or a marble hitting 15? (My daughters birth date) I saw it as this exactly, did I think I had a problem? Does anybody think that?! It took my mum to tell me I was going to kill myself, lose my daughter for good or become addicted to something more serious.
I went to Gamblers Anonymous for 7 sessions, I found yield telling them my problems, but lying about being clean. Looking back I did what came naturally. Aside from the gambling I received a huge buzz duping everybody. How could they be so stupid thinking I had stopped? And then the bombshell hit when I was followed in to a local Betfred by the very same man I sat next to at GA. I never saw him. He saw me though, he didn’t inform me until I had tried to lie my way out of another GA session. That night I left, I had no problems, it was the other people that had them!
The very next week I stopped myself, without GA. it was Christmas, my daughter deserved presents. No betting slip would be a burden on my daughter anymore. I did well, I was seeing my little princess again. 4 months went on, I met a girl who I fell head over heels for, she accepted I had a problem, I was honest and upfront with her. They were my buzz plus her daughter. I was happy again, at long last, I had beaten it, so I thought!
7 months of no gambling, I’d cracked it! Then ‘BOOM!’, problems started again, I was stopped from seeing my daughter. The buzz was gone. I coped for a few days, little things wanting me to gamble. They got stronger, I cracked. Stuck my money in the roulette machine next to the sandwich shop. How can a BLT turn to a £170 winning. In truth my idea was stick my money in, walk out. I did that, BLT in hand. ‘Liam, Liam, Liam, you’ve won!’. How? That wasn’t part of the plan!
£&!?, I need to tell my partner was the first thought after I reluctantly collected the winnings. I walked around for over half an hour with over £170 burning a hole into my pocket. I could lie. I could gamble it, she would never know, problem gone. No money, no matter! I went and told my partner, her reaction wasn’t as expected, she was happy I’d told her, happy I’d been man enough to discuss it! That wasn’t what I wanted, I wanted to be shouted at, it’s disgusting I remember thinking to myself. I’ve let myself down, why won’t anybody shout at me. Mum, mother in law or my partner! They’re usually first to go off at me! I paid for my step daughters France trip in October, money I should t have had but ill put it to good use either way.
I didn’t gamble again until Wednesday just gone. Solicitors letters for legal aid. ‘You may have to pay your legal costs Liam. It’s over 5,000 right now’. Wow. My partner was at work, she’s working late, my step daughter at her Dads for a couple of weeks. Call of Duty will get me away from reality. How am I going to pay for that? ‘Bet big noooowwww!’, stupid advert. I can win it though, I’ve won big before. Why not again? Two hours of swaying my decisions turned to me walking to Betfred. £2 in 5, 10s and 20 pence pieces. I stood outside for 20 minutes. I went in. Hello my old friend, do me some good! First roll, loss. £1 down. 2nd spin, £7.40 ha! I did it, nowhere near my target but profit nonetheless! Horses, patent, win big.
I went home to watch England, forgot about the ticket. I got the buzz, finished. Forgot about the ticket until about 2 hours from this post. I took it out of the drawer I had stashed it in to hide from my girlfriend, lie number 1. She saw me
Move it, realised I acted shifty and was into me in under 10 seconds. ‘Whats that in your hand?’, no thought ‘Nothing’, number 2. Trying to hide it quickly before she realised, ‘what are you doing?’, quickly guilt ridden voice as calmly as possible. ‘Just moving your coat’. 3 lies in 5 minutes. Why did I lie this time? 9 months in and I start now.
It’s safe to say right now my relationship is in limbo due to 3 lies in quick succession which would have been a lot easier to be honest! I’d lied. No buzz. She knew, busted. She knows me better then anybody.
So, all in all a mixed first 9 months to my life of no gambling. I would say I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, but I haven’t! At times I’ve been down and out, ready to end it all in rages of depression that could have been fixed by just one betting slip! I’ve become a much stronger person but also one that can still break from time to time. I learnt the hard way. I hope it’s the last time. Found this website on google. Thought I’d tell all and show my girlfriend I can actually tell the truth and once and for all make this my last relapse!
Sorry it’s so long but I wouldn’t want to hold anything back. Here’s to another 9 months!
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