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    • #15014
      addictorclean
      Participant

      Hi All I just signed up here, My name is justin, I am 20 years old. I am an online poker compulsive and uncontrollable addict. It all started about almost 2 years ago, and it has been on and off ever since. I first deposited 50 and immediately turned it into a huge 1000$ pay day. Too bad I didn’t take out the money and stop there. Lost all money in the bank several times, and had been a negative balance in bank. I began to try and steal money from family members to buy another 20.00 here or another 50.00 there to deposit. I had dreams of going to casino and playing in the poker rooms when I turn 21 in a few months.
      I have ended up gaining 70 pounds through this time. I constantly am in a fight with myself to stop and get my life together, but I end up making more deposits and sit in front of the computer for days on end. It becomes the only thing I care about. I used to be a very caring person who enjoyed helping others, whether that be through sports or just by putting a smile on peoples face at work. Customers at work back then told me to never stop smiling, I was a happy go-lucky person, who encoutered a misserable demon.
      I was an athlete, who always strived to get better. I had goals, I did not envision being in this position. One positive is I am still young. I stopped talking to every friend I have ever made. I stopped going out with friends. I am constantly fighting being out of shape. I feel disgusting. I have terrible nightmares about the past and my good life I used to live. I stopped working my part time job. I had it set i am going to be a millionaire in no time. I began to question myelf. Why should i work a job for 10.00 (THAT I ENJOYED), when I just made this amazing money in poker. I thought I could be like the pros you see on TV.
      I have had trouble completing classes at my community college because of this addiction. I thought I could get back on track for this fall semester and do good in college. I was doing good for the first few months had As and Bs. Then boom poker came back into my life halfway through this semseter and i completly dumped everything I have been working for. I stopped caring about my health. I stopped caring about what I ate, When I slept, anything. I miss fun times. Gambling is so bad, we love the thrill. We love the nights we get our money in good and win. Then we hate the times we get our money in and lose and get unlucky. WE CRAVE MORE. It becomes easier and easier to sit there for hours on end.  But no longer is it fun. It is as if our brain needs more of the thrill of what is going to happen next.
      Alright, I could keep going, but I am going to conclude here. All I got to say is we have got to overcome this. If I keep doing this, where will I be in 2, 4, or 5 years? If I stop now, and attempt to get my happiness back, what kind of great life can i live? I WANT MY HAPPINESS BACK!! I could have a great impact. Even if i made 20 grand over the next 4 months WHAT IS THE COST!!??? I once heard a pro poker player say, I am sacrificing my youth to be finnancially secure for my future. NO NO NO!! The cost is to much. Not for my health!! You will become depressed, always chasing losses, and losing everything that matters.
      I am going to start going for my goals and dreams and drop poker and the dream of getting rich. Probably only .02% of gamblers get rich. We will all be dead in 100 years count those days 356 times 100, IT IS NOT MUCH TIME!!!  When in eternity, or even at old age I will not be proud of looking back at this point in time in life. But what doesnt kill us only makes us stronger. LETS GET OFF OUR ASS AND ATTEMPT WHAT WE THOUGHT WHEN WE HAD GOALS AND DREAMS AS KIDS!! Lets go!!!!!!!! NO MORE EVER EVER again.
      Lets use our gambling problems as a learning experience and lets turn this into a positive!!! Hell I am young enough to go to college get a degree and professionally help people who have this terrible problem. Making them better and myself better. Lets get the life back in us all!!! I am going to start living life to the fullest again!!
      PEACE TO ALL. I understand how you all feel after reading many posts.
      Justin

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