8 December 2021 at 9:32 am #144643
well im back 2 years later since ive been here.
once again, broke and tired of losing everything.
tomorrow will be my day 1 and I will be posting here daily as a journal to try keep me gamble free with the help of this site once again.
something ive learnt is that you dont just decide to stop working on recovery thinking you made it, because it gets you back eventually. I need to learn to always be aware of triggers and I now want to stay away from gambling for the rest of my life. im ready to give it up for good this time.
im currently depressed and disappointed in myself but also excited knowing what can be accomplished by spending time in this community. feel free to comment if you want to join me on this journey aswell. Im gonna be lurking in this forums from now on
- This topic was modified 2 years ago by Relapseking.
8 December 2021 at 12:00 pm #144652
Hi Relapseking. I’m currently struggling with this scenario. I sincerely don’t want to be in that position – no money for presents etc. Feeling guilty, broke, desperate, pathetic etc. I’m going over the question: ‘Do I really want to be in this position for another year? How will I feel when I can go to a shop and buy presents etc as opposed to not being able to?’. I want this option so much. I’m trying hard not to relapse. Its a constant depressive scenario. I’m here too.
9 December 2021 at 4:55 am #144706
Yes mate what’s scary is how long it can keep us in this state aswell. How many days are you gamble free or still having troubles? Im on day one now. Finished work early today and came up with 2 different scenarios on my way home on how to get my gambling fix. Was driving past the pub and thought about stopping in to jump on the slots, but instead drove past and then thought about going to the money machine and putting money on my debit card to gamble online. Instead came home. Big reason was because i read a thread on here last night from a guy mikeB talking about being on day 93 and it made me imagine that feeling. If i go 93 days without gambling then i will have a lot of money saved up because i make a decent amount but usually blow it all weekly.
So im in a battle between good and bad thoughts at the moment but will be glad to get through to day 2 hopefully making it through this mental warfare today
11 December 2021 at 12:13 am #144814
Thanks for commenting. im on day 3 now and still going through periods of time throughout the day that tell me to go give it one more try.
On my last gamble I took the last few hundred dollars out of my account and put it in my drawer so I can’t deposit anymore online. My brain keeps telling me i lost everything else so may aswell lose the rest. Holding strong so far but the thought is always there though.
Been a tough last few days. Its like I keep telling myself “i could win it all back off this last 200$” even though i lost thousands and couldn’t stop until i lost everything every other time. Its a sickening feeling I have about myself when it comes yo money. I work so hard for it but gamble it all away like it holds no value and I don’t realize it till it’s all gone.
So hard to understand why we do what we do snd how to stop it
11 December 2021 at 12:31 am #144816
Oh my, this is my story. I am on day 35 game free. I am a “recovering compulsive gambler.
Do not give in, keep that $200 in that drawer. It is something about when you are down to your last, that is when you lose everything (it will not let you win). So, please don’t give in.
You got this, find something else to occupy your mind/thoughts. I have been in your place more than I care to remember.
Hang in there….YOU CAN DO THIS…
“One day at a time.”
11 December 2021 at 4:16 am #144828
I would like to thank you personally. i nearly did go and gamble that last 200$ but i read your message and it stopped me. it also reminded me that yes that last bit of money never ever does good anyway. so i left it in the drawer and went to work which will get me through the rest of today. i may struggle again tomorrow but for now, im good. this reminds me of a drug addiction where you want to stop but the brain is fighting against it. I find it so interesting how gambling can have this sort of hold on me, like im sort of craving a gambling session.
i feel like multiple times I wouldve normally caved in and did it but posting on this site daily gives me that little bit of power to want to do better so I guess its helping for now. 35 days free must be such a good feeling. its been a long time since ive been that long without gambling. hoping i can make it to that point as each day goes by. thanks for replying.
Kin, you explained it all exactly how im feeling. my brain is telling me lies and trying to trick me into falling back. im hoping it all calms down soon as I feel like i nearly lost a few times today. but im at work now getting through the rest of my day 3 so atleast Ill be at day 4 by the time i get home. thanks for the motivating words and taking the time to write. i hope you are doing well today
11 December 2021 at 11:38 pm #144871
That is why we are all here, to give and receive motivation from each other. I am so happy to hear that you didn’t go.
You got this!
One day at a time….
15 December 2021 at 2:05 pm #144862louissaffiParticipant
yo he dejado de jugar durante toda la pandemia, 2020, luego en el 2021 volvio todo a lo normal, se abrieron los casinos y volvi a apostar.
Ha sido un ano de bastante perdida, sea en ruletas on line como presenciales, ahora estoy 7 dias sin jugar.
Es importante entretenerse y cambiar los habitos , las tentaciones mentales estan siempre presente.
Tengo un dinero que recibir y eso tambien acelera mi ansiedad porque apaciguara todas las boludeces que realize estos ultimos meses, y me ayudara a pagar cuentas.
El lado bueno de ahora estar sin plata para apostar es que es un dtox completo, duro pero completo.
16 December 2021 at 8:50 am #145115
well so i relapsed again. this time felt different. one gambling session turned into a few days of gambling .I once again had a good day gambling and was well up and then lost it all again the next day. i wasnt focussed at work because I knew I was up and had money there to gamble. I was on my phone the entire time playing slots etc and then by the morning I lost it all. this happens everytime. Even when im up, i dont stop or cash out. Ive been watching videos to try find out if this will ever be cured or if my brain has been shaped in a way that is so severly addicted now that it doesnt want to stop. But here I am again on day 1 disappointed in myself. Christmas around the corner and stressing about presents etc. I will take it a day at a time for now but I know this is my last time relapsing. It has to be. the stress it puts me through is unlike any other stress ive ever experienced. I even sweat and my heart is racing while im losing and trying to chase my losses back. My hands were shaking at work while playing..
I will see the rest of this year out without gambling and 2022 will be a good year for me, i know it. looking forward to get 2 weeks gamble-free under my belt before 2022. im taking the step of ordering an eftpos card and cancelling my debit card. having a debit card has been the worst thing to ever happen to me and Ive been wanting to take this step for a long time. now is the time. Feel free to share anything you guys are going through and I would be more than happy to read through
20 December 2021 at 4:32 am #145614
Hey kin thanks for the reply.
Good for you for keeping at it. Ive been busy at work last few days so havent had time to post but it has gotten me to day 4 today happily. Juat like you said, i feel like im going through withdrawal symptoms which is so strange that gambling can make you feel this way. I have times throughout the day where I feel angry, impatient, irritable and just frustrated with people. I keep thinking about gambling and my brain gets foggy and then later on i catch my self and wonder why i go into those trances. Ive realized i use it as an escape because when im gambling, i completely forget about everything else in the world and focus entirely on the gamble but don’t stop until i run out of funds and then everything else comes flooding back in. Im not sure what it is about daily life that im trying to subconsciously escape but i feel addicted to being in that state of “escape” though.
So yea I feel very vulnerable at the moment aswell but taking it one day at a time
20 December 2021 at 10:49 pm #145664
What I’m desperately trying to work out is, you know that terrible feeling ‘the morning after’ when you’ve gambled absolutely everything and there’s really nothing left. You know how awful you feel – letting yourself down, failing to fight the desire to gamble and yet we still do it. Almost in defiance of ‘that feeling’ of failure. We fly in the face of it. Yet – we still do it. How? Why? Am I that self-destructive. Yes, I must be. Because I would love to be the person that says “I’m on my ??? day of not gambling’. I want that feeling more than the feeling of desperation, hopelessness, weak mindedness, self let down…. Don’t I?
29 December 2021 at 10:02 am #146071
That comment hit home with me heavily. It’s something I can’t understand at all. Those feelings and thoughts never appear until ive lost everything aswell. How can one day we be hating it so much and then the next day doing it again. Gambling really is a poison in our minds. A disease.
Im finally 1 week gamble free which has been a long time since i can say that. I have money in the bank but a lot of bills and things jumping at me overwhelming me at the moment so its stopping me from gambling because i really need to get on top of these things. A positive though is that it’s nice to be able to go to the shop and but whatever i need to, when i need to. Ive spent so much time lately with absolutely nothing left because i gamble it all the second i get paid.
Kin, im sorry you relapsed. We can all do this as long as we keep trying. Giving up on quitting is where we fail but if we keep trying to quit then it’ll happen eventually. Merry xmas and keep your head up high
29 December 2021 at 8:22 pm #146088
Yes Relapsking – it is a poison. Well done for being 1 week gamble free! I’ve been experimenting with Mindfulness and although it hasn’t ‘cured’ me because of course its not going to do that(!) but it has helped me to stop and think before gambling. Have you tried it? Having that ‘money in the bank’ feeling is bliss – like a normal feeling. Its wonderful allotting money to paying bills etc and not planning where to gamble it. I really want to achieve just 1 week at the moment! Hang in there and very best wishes for 2022!
29 December 2021 at 11:56 pm #146093
I sometimes look at my account a couple times a day, it is a long way from where it need to be, but it’s not where it use to be (RED).
But my goal is to continue to pay on debit, and try to put a little away each pay period.
It felt extremely good to be able to use my own money to buy a few Christmas presents this year. It’s been a long time.
I count it as a step forward in the right direction.
“One day at a time..”
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