- This topic has 15 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by lklfc18.
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29 July 2021 at 9:55 am #78442lklfc18Participant
On my second day keeping a log so here it goes….
Today is the first day that my life will be changing. I’ve been gambling for over 20 years which is crazy to say I’m only 32. I’m writing this to make notes of how I’m feeling and to put everything down. My Wife found out how bad my gambling was today. I’ve been trying to hide it for a few months as I could see myself falling into it deeper and deeper. Bets was getting bigger deposits more frequent and the hole I was in there was no light I was that deep. I have now excluded myself from all online betting and I called gamcare who are going to get me real help. This journey I’m on is not going to be easy and I am scared that I will fail at times but I’m going to strive not to. When my wife took her wedding ring off I felt my heart rip from my chest and I thought that was it for me. I felt like I lost my whole world my kids my wife everything. Once I called the gamcare phone line she asked me to make a promise of not to gamble for 5 years or that would be the end. I have made this promise with a heavy heart and will do everything I can to keep it. Today is the first day since I can remember that I have not gambled. I have still found myself at the odd times looking at racing results and football results even though there is no need I’m sure the urge will fade over time. I will beat this I have to if not I will lose my family and my whole world. Tomorrow will be a new day will new challenges but for the first day I’m happy to say. My name is LK and I have a gambling problem but today was the first day I have not gambled
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29 July 2021 at 9:58 am #78444DuncKeymaster
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works! -
29 July 2021 at 1:01 pm #78446lklfc18Participant
n my second day now. Although it’s early in the morning I found myself wanting to write. Still not gambled but the thought has come to mind, even checked my account to make sure it was excluded because that niggling voice is still there. Early hours of the morning when I was up with my little ones was hard, looking for things to do and even loaded up YouTube to watch gambling videos… Although I looked on the thumb nails I never actually clicked the videos which to me was a huge thing. I want to look at the odds on things but I’m not going to. If I don’t know what events are on I’m not going to want to bet. Hardest thing yesterday was in the arcade (we are on holiday at the minute) was on the 2p machines with my little one and I had £3 in my pocket… I looked at the machines and did think I could win but then I looked at the smile on my little ones face that means more to me. I know my big test is when it comes to pay day in a few weeks but I know I won’t gamble, I would be lying if I said I won’t want too because I will. Lk
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30 July 2021 at 9:28 am #78460lklfc18Participant
On day 3 now without gambling and I’m starting to feel better. Been completely open and honest with my wife which feels good. I know I’m on my last chance so I can’t relapse or I will lose my whole world. I did look at horse results once yesterday but came off it straight away as it was habit. Staying off my phone more now too to make it easier as if I can’t access the sites I can’t gamble. Last night my wife got up with the babies I think she did this as I told her at night that’s when I find myself looking at things. She’s been amazing through this she’s been honest with me which hurts but I need to know the damage I caused. When I was gambling I was lying and although I didn’t mean to I was playing mind games with her and controlling her not physicly but mentally. I truly never meant to do this and am going to work hard every day of my life to make sure this doesn’t happen again. I’m on day 3 and I know this will get easier. Lk
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30 July 2021 at 9:36 am #78461lklfc18Participant
One other thing my mood keeps swinging up and down can anyone recommend anything?
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30 July 2021 at 11:34 am #78463G RecParticipant
Hi lkfc18
Welcome to the forum, and well done on taking a positive step and reaching day 3.
You mentioned that you expect payday will be a big challenge. When I first joined the forum and properly started trying to stop gambling, paydays were always challenging days and caused relapses on 3 occasions. I then started implementing a new system which I found very useful, and that was to make the pay accountable as fast as possible. Step 1 was setting up a forwarding of my payslip to my girlfriend so that she knows when the pay has arrived, and Step 2 was moving the funds instantly to an account my girlfriend has full visibility of so that she can easily and quickly see any transactions that go through the account. It sounds like implementing something like this may be helpful to you.
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31 July 2021 at 10:36 am #78472lklfc18Participant
Day 4. Yesterday was one of the best days I’ve ever had and I never had any urges. I had money passed fruit machines and even bookies and wasn’t interested all I wanted to do was spend time with my family. I know the recovery process is along way down the road but I feel good. Like I’m not needing to hide anything which means I’m not been snappy or grumpy. If this is what recovery is like and a life without gambling I don’t ever want to look back. Lk
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31 July 2021 at 2:14 pm #78475BadsportsbettorParticipant
Hey
I find when you can stay gamble free for a while your mood swings stop. When I was in the height of my addiction I contemplated if I suffered from by polar. I would be the happiest man alive or boarder line suicidal. I am rooting for you, stay strong!
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31 July 2021 at 6:05 pm #78480lklfc18Participant
Cheers bud r1eally appreciate it I plan not to go out alone for a few months and I can’t get online gambling now so I’m hoping that I won’t relapse as I know I’m on my last chance with my family
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1 August 2021 at 12:05 pm #78490lklfc18Participant
Day 5 completed. No urge at all yesterday even was on my own had a little amount of money and had an opportunity to gamble as I was next to an arcade but I was not even bothered. We’re back home of holiday now so things will be a little bit different. I still feel better within myself. Truth be told I never realised the hold and dark cloud that gambling held over me. In the next few days me and my wife are going to go through debts and make a plan to start getting them paid. I’m proud of what I have accomplished so far and want this to continue. I feel closer to my wife and my children. Another day accomplished let’s keep this going. Lk
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2 August 2021 at 7:12 am #78493lklfc18Participant
Day 6 still not gambled it had the urge to. The repercussions of my gambling throughout the years are now coming to haunt me. My Wife is going through such a hard time and I can’t do anything to make it better other than be there. I feel so bad for what I have done and she deserves better. I know it’s going to take years until u can fully make it right but not gambling for 6 days is a start. Part of me is thinking would she be better with out me because she can and deserves better than what I am. I can feel myself changing and becoming a better person and I know she loves me and truth me told I am stopping for her and my kids. I wish I could make things all better and take away her pain. Just have to take it a day at a time. Me feeling like this is my punishment and my repentance is to make this up to my family for the rest of my life. Lk
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3 August 2021 at 1:21 pm #78508lklfc18Participant
Day 7. Other than day 1 this was my hardest yet as all that I have done was coming to haunt me. We as a family are currently just surviving doing a very limited weekly shop and the first one was yesterday. I tried to out together a plan but it cost to much so the wife stepped in. All day she was strange with me and it was due to the fact of been reminded of what I have done. Over time I know the pain will get easier and slowly turn to forgiveness. I can feel my heart breaking which is how she has been feeling over the last few months and maybe even years. I’m struggling to cope with the pain that I have caused and am trying to make it right. I just wish there was a quick fix but I know they is not. On a positive note not gambled not even thought about it. My family is more important. Lk
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4 August 2021 at 7:22 am #78518lklfc18Participant
First week completed… Day 7 was back at work yesterday which was ok. Focusing on my job and family really helps payday in just over 2 weeks and still going to transfer every penny to my wife. Still find my mood goes up and down and at times I’m an emotional wreck. Take one day at a time though. I am proud that I’ve made this first week. Lk
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4 August 2021 at 11:56 am #78517lplfc21Participant
It’s great to see how well you’re doing. I myself am just starting a road similar to yours. I am after telling my wife, and this was a relapse, about my problems. I feel inspired by how well your doing and am already feeling things about myself that you have felt. The guilt of having lied to my wife for so long has me so down and out right now I don’t know what wiĺ fix it. The quick fix is never the answer cause that’s what leads to relapsing. I have also found lately that my credit rating is potentially gone to shit as a result of gambling. Its a long road and a slow process but I’m hoping with our supportive wives we can get through this. Drop a post on here for a chat anytime.im sure we can help each other.
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5 August 2021 at 7:54 am #78528lklfc18Participant
Day 9 still not gambled slightly still getting urges but not looked at all. Watched a little bit of sport yesterday need to get back to been able to enjoy without a bet on it so I watched a tennis match which I enjoyed. I’m trying so hard to be good and will make sure when I get any money i send it to the wife. I’m staying strong and will get through it. Lk
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7 August 2021 at 7:37 pm #78606lklfc18Participant
We’re on day 11 now but today has been hard. Been a stressful day at work and now just worked money out for the next month we’re going to struggle to get by and of course my thought is to gamble. Im not going to be able to as my wages will go to my wife but the thought is there. Notices closeness of other people’s relationships and am starting to get jealous where I didn’t before. Was I gambling to fill a void I never had? Right now that’s what it feels like. I will stay strong and I won’t gamble no matter how strong the urge is. I know give it a couple of months and things will get easier right now I just feel like I’m at the bottom of the barrel and the light is so far away. LK
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