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    • #75276
      johnstein
      Participant

      Hi everyone.
      Today is my second day of not gambling ever again. Yesterday I’ve read others journals and feel that this is a great way to make yourself more accountable and give back to the community by publishing your experience and thoughts on the way out of this deep shit I was one day at.

      I will try to post here on a regular basis for the first month or so and then see whether I should continue. Anyway, I’ve started my own private “gambling-free” diary and plan to keep it for half a year at least, as I find journaling helpful in other areas of life.

      I started betting (sports, mostly european football) soon after I became eligible to do it. I don’t actually recall how it started exactly (who introduced me to it), but I think what really made me stick with it was the fast significant (50x) win I got. I reflect now that from then on I was hooked deep inside in my head. At the present moment, I think that big wins are the worst thing that can happen to a CG as they add a lot of time for the gambler to even start considering to quit. All the money won are lost very soon and then you end up chasing ever increasing sums that “should’ve been yours”. I’ve had two truly miraculous wins – when I won back very large sums of money (that I’ve stolen from my family) with unbelievable odds a day before it would have come out, yet to lose even more in less than 2 months time in both cases. Is there any gambler who quit forever after a win, even a small one?:)

      I’ve caused a lot of pain to my family, lost couple great gfs, wasted huge amount of time watching sports and exhausted my nervous system. I am in debt now, as I have been for a couple of years now, but I know I will manage it.

      I will be sharing more info about my journey to finally making the only right decision to quit forever and my experience in the first 30 days of not betting ever again.

      As I’ve written earlier, today is my day #2. It was a busy day and I only had a couple of stupid gambling thoughts in the morning. Feeling strong and confident in myself.

      Thanks for stopping by and I would be happy seeing your encouragement, tips and life stories in the comments. We all can make it one day!

    • #75278
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
      And on that note….
      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
      Take care
      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #75285
      G Rec
      Participant

      Hi Johnstein,

      Welcome to the forum and well done on taking positive steps. I have found regularly journaling very helpful, and I hope you find the same. The new member’s groups mentioned by Dunc are also a great place to start. They run on on Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00 (UK).

    • #75296
      johnstein
      Participant

      Day 3.

      In the morning I felt great, smiled a lot, like I never were when gambling.

      For me this thing is obvious now – any bet will bring misery. If I bet and I win, cravings will intensify. I will most likely return to CG, lose more and feel very bad. If I bet and I lose, I will feel bad. How didn’t I see this before? There is no point in any bet for me. Moreover, all of my life goals are obtainable in other ways. Why should I waste time on betting?

      Today I’ve completed a simple exercise which helps to think of the triggers for gambling and how can I set barriers to avoid or minimize them. Plan to do another similar exercise tomorrow.

      • This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by johnstein.
      • This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by johnstein.
    • #75309
      G Rec
      Participant

      Hi johnstein,

      The daily exercises sound like a very good idea. If you are finding those useful, you also may find it useful to jump in one of the topic group meetings that run on a Monday at 8 p.m. UK time, these are kind of similar to the exercises that you are describing (in fact triggers was a specific topic in a previous meeting, and I assume will be again), except that the topic being discussed is worked through as a group.

      • #75315
        johnstein
        Participant

        Hi G Rec,

        Thank you for suggestion. I’ll try to join one in the coming weeks. Have some offline meetings scheduled in my city.

    • #75316
      johnstein
      Participant

      Day 4

      Feeling overall great. Like I was born again. I am able to do what I want to without the heft of gambling (time, money, negative emotions).

      Have no motivation to gamble at all.

      • This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by johnstein.
    • #75351
      johnstein
      Participant

      Day 5

      It was another busy day. I didn’t gamble.

    • #75396
      johnstein
      Participant

      Day 8

      Haven’t been thinking about gambling on the weekend.

      Sad thing now are the years lost. Yet the only way further is to never gamble again. I am grateful for my last loss that finally put me on the right track.

    • #75454
      johnstein
      Participant

      Day 11

      Still determined not to gamble again in my life. Will there be any triggers which will require extra effort to overcome? I don’t know, but I will let you know

    • #75630
      johnstein
      Participant

      Day 19

      I am good, didn’t think about betting these days. Can’t even imagine now what can make me want to bet. Thankfully, those neural wires and behavior were easier to abandon than when I quit smoking two years ago.
      Have talked to psychotherapist who was recommended by a family member. He said that to him I look and talk like an addict who is clean for a while. When I asked why he thinks so, he told me that there are two primary reasons – 1) I don’t have enough risk activities in my day-to-day life (so that once I’ve been high on risk, betting all the time, I will crave such emotions forever and be depressed without them) and 2) it doesn’t look to him that I am going through a deep internal transformation like religious or with the help of psychotherapy (this argument I didn’t like at all, as I feel such transformation going and it seemed to me he just wanted to sell me on multiple expensive sessions with him). Anyway, I don’t think now that I am not a gambler anymore. I think I just know that whatever the outcome of the bet – I will feel bad and so I better avoid it altogether.

    • #75797
      johnstein
      Participant

      Day 31

      The end of the gambling free month.

      How did I live before?:)

      I don’t need it.

      Good luck to everyone in recovery!

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