24 December 2022 at 4:34 pm #168816
.. begins with a single step.
A week ago, I won a massive high five-figure jackpot on online slots and lost it all in less than 24 hours. I still have many sleepless nights thinking about that day and how I couldn’t walk away with any of the winnings. Instead, I ended up chasing and maxing out credit cards to a sum of $27K. For the past week, my thoughts have been occupied by how life-changing the amount was and how it could have made my holidays merry for me and my family. But, there are moments where I ask myself if I would have really been able to keep all that money? Probably not. I’m a compulsive gambler. I would have returned today and gambled and lost tens of thousands of dollars, convincing myself I can win it back again and keep going until maybe I say I don’t want to lose more, but no matter what I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep all that big win. I hope the pain from that day is the real catalyst for change. Had it not been for the loss, I likely wouldn’t have made a therapy appointment and I wouldn’t have called all my credit card companies to lower my limits. However, I have been here before where I tell myself it’s time for help and change, but not really being able to overcome the addiction for more than a year. I need to find the courage to really put the work into wanting to change my life for good this time; 17-years of feeling miserable is no way to live.
In 2017, I first posted my story “Solo struggle. Hard to quit. Slots are the death of me.” https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/forum/topic/solo-struggle-hard-to-quit-slots-are-the-death-of-me/ I don’t want to continue with that story. I want my story to be about a new start and not a solo struggle. I’ve come to realize that I’m not alone in this addiction and that I need help to beat this demon.
12/19/2022 – that’s my Day 1.
25 December 2022 at 12:06 am #168819velvetModerator
Hello Justonee and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
25 December 2022 at 12:29 am #168820velvetModerator
I’m so pleased you knew where to come back to, to make your determined and courageous new start. You are not alone, you will always be heard here.
Complacency is your biggest foe but walking with others will help you remember that complacency can be defeated, if it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be writing to you now.
Use this journal as a reference in the future, I will certainly be watching your progress.
I wish you a peaceful Christmas
26 December 2022 at 2:07 pm #168855
Day 7. One day at a time. Urges are there to chase the losses. Still ruminating about the life-changing amount of money that I had, but couldn’t walk away with. Feeling bored, restless and irritable. Quitting is hard. Being a gambling addict is harder. Saving money is hard. Being in financial distress is harder.
5 January 2023 at 1:27 pm #168817tomodogParticipant
I feel your pain, I too had a big six figure win which would have set me up for a very comfortable holiday season. But I gave it back and more and now I am empty and have so much remorse. If only I had stopped, but I can’t. It’s day one for me.
6 January 2023 at 3:37 am #169273Cruising247Participant
One day at a time!
Good luck my friend!
7 January 2023 at 9:05 pm #169317
Sorry to hear tomodog. This addiction is awful! It’s day 19 for me and despite the self-loathing and painful experience, I still have urges to chase. Listening to podcasts about gambling addiction has been helpful. One day at a time.
7 January 2023 at 9:06 pm #169318
Hello, Cruising247. Good luck in your recovery as well. One day at a time!
7 January 2023 at 9:19 pm #169319
Day 19. I’m still having many sleepless nights thinking about how one simple action to stop could have changed everything for me. I talked aloud and told myself I got lucky and not to press my luck and just walk away with the huge jackpot, convincing myself that I was destined to win a jackpot to have a happy holiday and fresh start to the new year. The maddening thoughts of a compulsive gambler.
It’s insanity to think that in 12 hours, I lost 2 years of salary. I used to think $3/spin on an online slot machine was a lot and there I was doing $100-$200 spins. High limit slots are no joke, it’s dangerous.
Since that awful night, I’ve closed two credit cards and had two reduced to minimum limits. I’ve also been to two therapy sessions and two GA meetings, but I still feel numb. I know I need to be patient with myself and to take it one day at a time. Some days are harder than others.
18 January 2023 at 7:33 am #169841yoyoParticipant
Hello, You can do it!
I think for all could work to cut all the access to our money…to as low as possible.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.