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    • #16592
      Clarity
      Keymaster

      Hi I am in the middle of compiling a learning summary of my first seven weeks of my current college counselling course, and thought I would post an excerpt from a piece of work I done a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully it may help demonstrate to any new forum members that change is possible…failing that I just wanted to share it anyway as I am pleased with it and wanted to show it off!……….."Also this week I have been reflecting a lot on my own personality; For the majority of my adult life I have had a severe gambling addiction and I think that because of this many of my natural feelings and emotions have been suppressed for lengthy periods. I have been in recovery for about 2 years, and although I have had sporadic gambling episodes in this time, my true personality has been becoming increasingly apparent to me. I am pleased with my journey of self discovery; I have turned a lot of negative feelings in to very positive ones, I now accept myself as a worthwhile person instead of thinking of myself as worthless, for example. I do possess a lot of good moral values now, which I haven’t noticed since my childhood days. My years as an addict certainly did hide the “real me”. When I was gambling I had very little self respect, no consideration for others, (in fact very selfish), my self esteem was abysmal. I would lie, steal, and cheat, and never even consider the consequences of my actions. I felt incapable of showing any feelings. At that time I thought it impossible to change and accepted my wayward life style as my lot in life. Eventually I finally entered into recovery and although I was sceptical at first, my whole life has now been completely transformed. I would never ask myself why I behaved in such a way; I would be completely obsessed with gambling and that is all that would occupy my mind. Now I find myself questioning my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. I have noticed that depending upon how I am feeling my actions may be considerably different. I have noticed that I certainly behave different when I am experiencing stress; If I have had a good day at work I feel happy and when I get home I will do some studying, and interact with my house mates. If it has been a stressful day all I usually want to do is to hide myself away and escape, maybe just watching TV or playing computer games. I can see that it would be at such a time, I would previously have gambled. Thankfully just this awareness isn’t enough to satisfy my appetite for self discovery and I will ask myself why my day at work has lead to me feeling stressed. I will then explore different ways of dealing with similar situations, which will not result in me feeling stress. "
      Hope all is well with everybody.
      P, good to see you’re back.
      Geordie.
      — 16/10/2010 15:25:09: post edited by geordie18.
      — 16/10/2010 15:28:01: post edited by geordie18.

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