9 June 2013 at 4:06 pm #9541akapmatParticipant
Not sure why my previous thread was closed, but oh well, here I am a month later after my previous entry.
It should come as no surprise as there was a reason why I didn’t write anything for a month because it was a month ago that I gave into temptation and gambled. I reached 50 days, very happy with myself, life pretty good. Day 52 and the champions league final!Way back in November I had placed a future wager on Bayern Munich to win it all. Of course, they won, so there was a pile of cash waiting to be collected or wagered…………..I choose to wager it, of course I lost. That was followed by the chase of getting that money back and I lost. Thankfully, I quickly stopped that all too familiar cycle.
It’s been about two weeks since my last wager. I am happy to report to those who followed my previous journal that I have managed to reduce my debt by another 30% but it should have been closer to 50%. I am in a good position moving forward, keeping busy and slowly but surely enjoying my life.
You never know when your next gamble might be, what will trigger you, even if you think you are fully in control. It was a good wake up call for me as I had became complacent. I wasn’t angry with myself, just disappointed with my attitude toward me being a CG. I thought I had it beat, all barriers in place, no way to gamble, but I was wrong……..
I am glad I came back to this site to write, just so I can admit to myself and others than I did mess up. I am not going to count the days anymore, it became a new form of addiction for me, a challenge and competition.
Thanks for taking the time to read. I wish you all the best in your recovery and truly it is ODAAT. Don’t look back, move forward.10 June 2013 at 7:29 pm #9542alwaysthefishParticipant
I am now able to go days, even weeks without gambling. Something I wasn’t able to do until a couple of years ago. But it doesn’t matter, when I do play, I still lose everything I’m able to lose for that particular period. Granted, not playing for days / weeks is good as I rediscover other things in my life, but financially there’s no big difference.
I’m not complacent when I don’t play for weeks. I’m happy, but not complacent. I’m happy, but I’m also nervous for I know there’s a danger I will go back into it. I am grateful when I’m not playing, but I’m fearful for I know I’m not cured. I don’t know if there is a cure for me. A cure in the sense that I would be able to play once a month with friends for a few hours and come morning, win or lose, leave without the urge to chase. I’d consider myself cured if I was able to play once in a while for fun, with a predetermined amount and leave, leave a loser, if / when I lose that amount. And not chase the money I lost. I’ve lost so much money chasing. For no reason. I remember, I’d go to a casino, played, won 4K, then took a couple of bad beats and gave most of it back, but I was still 1K up. I knew that in the mean time I got tired, my game deteriorated, but I would still stay and chase the money that I had won and then lost. And instead of going home with 1K in profits I’d go home losing 2K. On endless occasions.
I can ***** situations where I was able to leave a loser on fingers of one hand.
If you dine with the devil, bring a long spoon12 June 2013 at 10:05 am #9543janeyParticipant
Your thread was closed as you reside within Great Britain and the cut off date for GB members accessing the site has now passed. Thank you for your contributions to Gambling Therapy, we wish you well in your recovery and urge you to access GamCare for further support.
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