16 January 2013 at 6:15 pm #11500ads2013Participant
This is my first time on this site and I am a CG. I have been a CG for about two years, but I first ever gambled when I was approximately 12. My Dad would buy Sport Select tickets and I loved helping him make his picks, and of course winning. I am now 24 years old and married. My wife and I are expecting our first child in about a month. Therefore today is a better day than any to deal with my addiction. I am scared and anxious but can feel it in my body that I need it. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I want to be a contributing member of society.
A friend of mine told me about an online sports betting site approximately two years ago. This site was truly the beginning of my addiction. I loved the thrill of betting on the games. I found it made everything even more interesting. Winning felt great. However, the urge to bet more and larger amounts kicked in very quickly. The logic of “a higher bet” means a “higher win” was too tempting for me to control. I was able to win thousands of dollars because I was risking thousands of dollars. Soon enough wins became losses and I was trying to catch up. I was going to pay off my student loan with my winnings and I needed that money. I found myself consumed in more debt than I had ever been in my life. I was extremely scared and seriously considered taking my life at that time. I had never felt so worthless in my life. I wrote a note to my then girl friend (now wife) explaining the situation. She lost her mind on me. She told me I was stupid and what a waste of money and that she wasn’t paying for it, etc. I felt I’ll. I felt like there was nothing I could do and I couldn’t control it, it just happened. She eventually calmed down and we agreed that I would get a second job and pay off the debt. She helped me with the overdraft and NSF charges, etc. this past year I payed everything off, we got married and are as I said earlier, expecting a baby soon. Unfortunately I never did get professional help with my addiction. My wife assumed it was maybe just a bout of problem gambling. I fuelled that by agreeing as help scared me. Now the addiction has hit again. I have been betting on a sport site for the past few months again alternating wins and losses. Any wins quickly altered into losses and I have agin created unnecessary debt. I feel helpless. I hate myself. I need to tell my wife today as she has no idea I have been gambling again. I am scared, anxious and feel overwhelmed. The thought of my child to be and the love I hold for my wife, prevent suicidal thoughts from entering my mind. I just don’t want to lose her. I don’t want her to leave. And I know how much hurt this will cause her, but she deserves to know. There is nothing that could make me feel like more worthless of a dad then to screw up before my son or daughter is even born. I want to change. I need it. My wife deserves happiness and so do I. I thought I could win some money and help our family. Maybe go back to school and finish my degree if I won enough. That will never happen. A gambler doesn’t ever stop. You will always ending losing even if you win.
Today this is my story. Today I am scared, anxious and worried about the future. Today I am a gambling addict, but today I will make steps towards recovery. Tomorrow will be better. One step at a time.
To my wife and unborn child, I couldn’t be more sorry. I accept and acknowledge my mistakes because I am responsible. I hate myself for what I have done, but I promise to do everything in my power to get better and to be a better person tomorrow. You are not to blame. I love you more than life itself.
Love a broken husband and father to be
"Walking The Walk"
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