19 September 2012 at 3:24 pm #12056
My granddaughter, Sarah Ann, born to my daughter just before 9am this morning, 6 lbs, 8 oz. Mom and baby healthy and happy, short easy delivery. She’s absolutely beautiful. Debbie3 January 2013 at 12:41 pm #12057
Had a tremendous urge to gamble on New Years Day. I actually fought against turning my steering wheel towards the casino. Ended up at a friends house unnanounced and made her make me a big pot of coffee. Went home and cooked dinner for my family and played with Sarah for the rest of the night. I was suprised at how that hit me right out of the blue, especially after posting about the lack of urges recently. I am extremely proud of myself for not giving in and I am determined to remain strong. It has been two and a half months since I last gambled. Debbie3 January 2013 at 4:51 pm #12058desdemonaParticipant
Dear (((Debbie)))! Great choice not succumbing to the big urge to gamble. Every time we make a good decision like that, it strenghtens us in our recovery. It was great that you were at the ladies meeting last night. It’s been so long since you and I have "talked." How’s Bruno doing? I hope that you can find a place where you can have him with you again. Carole3 February 2013 at 5:02 pm #12059
Here it is, February already. I am not a superbowl fan and almost everyone I know is going to a superbowl party today. I have been speaking to an old friend over the past 3 weeks, I have known him since I was 15 and in high school, we used to go roller skating together and I hung out with his sister. We have kept in touch on and off over the years. He is just out of a relationship, he left her recently because he felt neglected and the love had ****. We are going to go for a ride today and out for dinner. He has shown up where I work twice this week with coffee. Apparently he claims he has been in love with me for over 20 years but one of us has always been in some kind of a relationship so he settled for the friendship. Again, slow and sure, I will test the waters. I have always thought of him as a close friend and find myself now looking at him through different eyes. I have a lead on an apartment that is affordable and about a 15 minute walk from where I work. The only problem is that it is about a block over from Barrys house, but at the other end of the street. I really do not want to run into him, but I do like the area and also the rent. I think I will go and have a look at it and go from there. Hope everyone is having a great weekend and a nice superbowl day. Deb3 February 2013 at 6:51 pm #12060icandothisParticipant
Hi Trulyshi, I am so glad to hear of your active social life post Barry. You deserve to be appreciated. From watching my girlfriend’s dating life, I am a little leary of those who profess their love quickly. Good for you on taking things slow. I like that you have been friends for a long time. Listen to me. Giving dating advice. Something I know nothing about. Beside that, my girlfriend’s experiences have been nothing like my own. My husband says he fell in love with me the minute he saw me walk into one of our college classes. We began dating, and he professed his love shortly after. Scared me to death. I broke up with him. I said the usual line about still wanting to be friends. After my rejection, he drove 4 hours from my house to his house on his motorcycle in the pouring rain. He left me a letter saying that we could never be friends because he loved me too much.
I ran into him on campus a year later. We were in the same Economics class. It bothered me that he had said we couldn’t be friends. I set out to prove him wrong. He set out to win me over. He did win me over, but we did became good friends first. A friendship that has lasted 33 years. At the time, however, every time he began to get serious, I would say…just friends; just friends. Finally, we went out on a date. Two weeks later, he asked me to marry him, and I said "Yes!" No point to this story really..just thought I’d share.
Thought of a point..don’t underestimate a good friendship! Have a great time tonight. We are going to a Superbowl party. Not a big fan of the Superbowl, but the party is a tradition. There is always lots and lots of good food, and I enjoy the TV commercials!
4 February 2013 at 3:56 am #12061
Ican, what a sweet story, thank you for sharing. I think starting out as friends is for the best. I had a wonderful time today. We went for a long drive and stopped for coffee and talked. We talked more over dinner and I found myself wondering why I had never looked at this man in this light before. The best part is he already knew about my gambling addiction, I had told him about it and he had witnessed it many many years ago. He told me tonight that he has no interest in going to the casino and would certainly never ask me to go there. What I really liked was that he opened and closed the car door for me and offered me his arm when we were walking so I did not slip on the snow. It was nice to be treated like a lady, it has been a long time. I think it would be funny if I have been looking for my prince for so long and he was sitting right there under my nose the whole time. Anyways, tomorrow is a busy day, watching my granddaughter for most of the day, then a session with my one on one counsellor from Problem Gambling, then grocery shopping. I love it when my day is planned out and it is busy (keeps the urges away). Debbie4 February 2013 at 1:58 pm #12062cat438Participant
Hi Debs, it is wonderful to see your post. It certainly does not seem like the same person who was living a nightmare life with Barry. This lady seems to respect herself and seems so much more relaxed about life. It sounds like you had a wonderful time with your "friend", but I definitely agree that you should take things slowly. I am not an expert in this, but I know with AA there is something about not starting new relationships for a certain amount of time when you go into recovery. I would imagine that some of that is to do with being "fragile" if something goes wrong and it sends the person back to drinking. I think you should take time to find out who Debbie is on her own, and she definitely sounds like a person worth getting to know. Debs, like I said I am no expert, but just don’t want you to rush into anything, although if you have known your friend since you were 15, then I don’t suppose you can call that rushing into things LOL Wishing you a wonderful gamble free day!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…4 February 2013 at 11:44 pm #12063
Boy did I ever get in big trouble with my counsellor today. I went to a bingo game last week (figured bingo was NOT my addiction) and I got a lecture. BINGO IS GAMBLING. I have an ADDICTION and gambling is not my problem – it is just the solution to my addiction. I need to deal with the addiction. My head is swimming, I thought I WAS dealing with the addiction, but apparently I still have alot of work to do. I do not even like bingo, it was just a social thing and something to do, but I will not do it again. I know he is right and I know that I gambled, but I look upon the casino as gambling and the casino as my problem. ARGHHHHHHHHHH, so I guess I slipped. Anyways, had a great day other than getting chewed out but I guess I deserved it. Will learn from it and move forward. Debbie5 February 2013 at 12:25 am #12064bettieParticipant
Do NOT And I mean NOT let the "bingo" take away from your "clean" time. Since we aren’t ***** "days" anymore you made progress not perfection. I know I have a delicate ego and a statement like that could have made me say "well I screwed up so might as well go for it!"
I think you just did a step-" when we were wrong promptly admited it"
bettie5 February 2013 at 3:24 am #12065nevaParticipant
I agree, don’t let Bingo ruin your recovery time. On the other hand, Bingo is also addictive. Don’t put yourself in that situation because you might grow to like it…I didn’t much care for the slots at first. Many alcoholics didn’t like drinking at first either. Maybe that’s why they say to avoid all types of gambling.5 February 2013 at 12:14 pm #12066paul315Participant
Originally posted by trulyshi
… I guess I slipped …
Good morning Debbie,
I have similar thoughts about your recent adventure in life as Bettie, do not let what your counselor calls a slip take away from your living a gambling free life. Some programs try to warn us about what is considered to be gambling, and have strict perimeters as to when someone has to claim a new clean date, but when we go into a situation unfamiliar to us, we might find ourselves on a slippery slope, but slipping is not falling; we can regain our composure and balance and continue on our path with the new knowledge and insight that we gained. If having to claim a new clean date is rules that your program follows, use a new clean date — the first introduction to slipping, and a resulting fall, is to challenge rules that have been proven to be beneficial, and oddly enough, they may be more beneficial to the program itself than perhaps to an individual. But nevertheless, taking away from the program is taking away form yourself.
You may have broken the rules but as for if you gambled or not, "only you can make that decision"; but it is up to you to be truthful with yourself and recognize a dangerous situation so that you stay away form it; and to go alone with the program if need be. I know for myself, I broke the rule of "not gambling for anything" and had to change my clean date, but August 13th will always be the anniversary of the day in 2009 that I entered recovery and started working at progressing toward a more normal way of thinking and living. October 17 is now my "officially" recognized clean date and one that my GA group will recognize with accolades and tokens, but to me it is more than that, it is another day in my renewed life, not a return to the past.
These thoughts are only views on personal opinions concerning things that I feel could be left to self-governing, but I can see where others can have arguments against them and want to hold true to the doctrine of a group as a whole; they can rightfully argue against my mere views, but I can not argue against their true passion and the proof of its good. So in continuing your life of being gambling free don’t let my views influence you, but rather let them cause you to think and be honest with yourself and to be willing to do what you have to do. It is best to stick to the program that is working, it is you working and practicing these principles that have taken you this far, it is not a now "super-you" that has brought you to and keeping your at this stage of recovery and better living. "It works if your work, it don’t if you don’t".
God’s speed, Stay strong. Keep aware, and use that awareness to help you progress along this sometimes slippery road of recovery.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.6 February 2013 at 2:39 am #12067
Thanks Bettie, Neva and Larry. I really did not think about it until afterwards, which is why I told my counsellor I had gone to bingo, I did realize it was gambling but I did not consider it a slip, just a stupid mistake. Anyways, I still feel that my real clean date is October 22, 2012 and I know I am on the right track and doing well. Went out for chinese food tonight with my buddy, Ken. He treated and it was so nice. He started telling me a story and I reminded him that he had told me the same story about 4 years ago. He was shocked and said that he thought he had never told anyone that before because it was very personal. We know alot about each other and it is a very warm and fuzzy thing. Anyways, I am pretty tired, I used my brain alot today at work so it wore me out. Time to turn in. Debbie6 February 2013 at 8:00 am #12068pParticipant
Thanks Debbie also today to you for your words. You helped me today
P7 February 2013 at 11:43 am #12069
I actually have both of my bank accounts in the black for the first time in years and I am so proud of myself. I have lived in overdraft for so long I do not remember what it is like to not be in it. I have even started building up a small savings account to use for emergencies. So, this is what it is like to be responsible. I like it. Deb7 February 2013 at 1:43 pm #12070velvetModerator
There is nothing more attractive than a person who is in love with their life and the direction it is going in. You are now exited by your life and I am not surprised that you have a suitor. You are also less likely to fall into a needy, controlling or manipulative relationship because you are no longer looking outside of yourself for your peace – you have found it inside ‘you’.
If the thought of living too close to Barry worries you, then it is not the right apartment for you. Don’t let your thoughts of him spoil your future though because it keeps you rooted in the person you were and not the person you are now. Forget and possibly forgive him – he is yesterday’s news.
Having said all that, please take your new relationship slowly. Don’t lose the independence and freedom that controlling your addiction has given you. Enjoy this friendship but look after Debbie – she is still vulnerable.
Although I found your counsellor a bit over the top, it is better that than pussy-footing around. I certainly didn’t hear a slip, more of another learning curve.
A Buddy is a special person and you deserve special things. Two bank accounts in the black sounds wonderful and as for savings – well – just keep it going, I love reading it.
It was good to see you in F&F.
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