2 April 2013 at 2:56 pm #12086
Cat, Vera and P, thank you for your posts. I slept in my apartment for the first time last night and I slept like a log. There is clutter galore still, but it is MY clutter and I will slowly sift through it and put things in their place. A good friend helped me unpack a bit and I still have to call her and ask where she put things. I honestly cannot believe how uplifting everything feels. I love my apartment, I love my family, I love my friends, I love my independance and above all I love not being held hostage to gambling. For over 15 years it was all I thought about, all I knew. Recognizing that I needed help, entering recovery and remaining there has probably been the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It has also been the most rewarding. I am 100% sure that I would have left Barry before the end of last year but I am glad that things turned out the way they did because now I am living and this life is wonderful. Staying in that situation was way too enabling and even though I entered recovery last April I know that as much as I wanted to stop gambling he wanted me to continue, which I will probably never understand but really no longer care to figure out. I feel very strong right now and as if I could conquer the world. I am at my ex husbands house right now doing a few last loads of laundry and using his computer (what a terrific man he is). This afternoon I have my one on one counselling session at Problem Gambling Services and I fully intend to continue those sessions for as long as they let me. My self exclusion ban is still in place and I will not be removing it, thank goodness for that ban it has saved me from more than one urge. Urges are so few and far between now and I have learned how to put them from my mind when they do pop up. Its time to go finish the laundry and make sure I have packed up everything from here and not left anything behind. Cat, I truly love you but red paint is just not going to happen, it would clash with my purple bathroom. Debbie3 April 2013 at 3:29 am #12087bettieParticipant
Sorry I missed you. The meeting was good. Don’t get lost in the boxes!
bettie3 April 2013 at 5:36 am #12088cat438Participant
Debbie, okay, is the purple a nice strong purple, not a light one. If so I will stop bugging you about red paint LOL Our house is painted all neutral safe colours (boring). I got a dark colour for one of the walls in the living room, one of the sampler size. Hubby painted it and said there was no way he was painting the wall that colour. It was a really really dark blue. He said it was black. Anyway, he painted the sampler right in the middle of the the wall and it was there for ages. Everyone who came in asked about it, and he proceeded to tell them that I wanted to paint the wall that colour. It is now back to safe neutral. I am now using accents of cushions, ornaments to add some colour to the house. I did not admit to him ever that it was too dark, but he was right LOL It was actually a designer that suggested the colour to me to help tie everything together. I think I like nice bright cheery colours. Have a great gamble free day!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…7 April 2013 at 1:38 pm #12089icandothisParticipant
Hi Trulyshi, Your colors sound great. I have been stripping wallpaper, and we have painted the kids’ rooms. Both the same color, which is the same color as our room. (also, boring) I don’t even like the color, but we had leftover paint, and we are on a budget. Also, not thrilled with the bedspreads, but they were also bought on a budget. I think I have to stop that and start buying things I like instead of buying them cheap. Although, I have to admit, I get a thrill out of finding bargains. I like the one bedspread. My sister-in-law doesn’t like it, so now I have my doubts. Something else I need to work on. The bathroom is next. Half-stripped and still a mess. The paper was so hard to remove. I took off the plaster along with it. Enough about my decorating woes. No matter what, it keeps me busy and change is good.
I used to live not too far across the river from your town. Before your casino, when we were very young my husband and I would take weekend trips to your town. A nice weekend get away. Good entertainment, good food, shopping…a room with a view of the river. Our city didn’t look too bad from across the river and at night! Also, safer to enjoy it from a far! lol I don’t think we could enjoy the trip now a days. All I would see and think about is the casino. What a shame!7 April 2013 at 9:45 pm #12090velvetModerator
Welcome to your new Home Debbie
Velvet8 April 2013 at 3:43 am #12091nevaParticipant
Your new colors sound amazing. A clean slate for a new life. Enjoy!13 April 2013 at 9:51 pm #12092
Hey everyone, I’m still alive, lol. Still do not have internet connection, will probably be another week. Babysitting tonight so using my daughter’s computer. Everything is good, just about done with the move only a few more boxes to unpack, the novelty wore off so there they sit, lol. Hope everyone is well and I will sit and do a big post when I get my computer up and running. Deb6 May 2013 at 4:13 pm #12093
Babysitting Sarah for a bit then off to my counselling. Such a quiet weekend compared to having Bettie here and being busy, busy, busy. Loving my apartment, independance is a great thing. Deb12 May 2013 at 3:20 pm #12094
Dear (((Debbie)))! It’s great to hear that everything is going so well for you. Having spent time with Bettie myself, I know that she kept you laughing with her stories. How’s Bruno?? I don’t have email right now, but when I do, you need to send me your address, as I want to have a blender delivered to your apartment as a house warming gift. Summer is a perfect time to blend iced drinks. Take care and Happy Mother’s Day to you. Carole11 July 2013 at 3:53 pm #12095
Dear (((Debbie)))! I see you haven’t posted since June 24th, and I was wondering how you were. I’m sure you and Bettie had a wonderful fun time together, when she visited. I know the feeling of relief I get when I spend time in my rental with my own furniture there. I can imagine that you feel the same. especially coming out of a hoarder’s house. I still have pictures to hang, curtains to replace, and cupboards to wash, TV stand to put together, etc. before I’m really settled in. I’m back and forth as I am still looking after the renters house when Danny is away working. We have agreed to a financial settlement and Danny’s friend is going to buy me out of the property, and they are going to expand the accommodation business. I know that my gambling addiction is deeply rooted in the abusive marriage I am leaving. I escaped abusive behavior at the machines. I would have thought that I would have a lot of strong gambling urges leaving my marriage, but honestly it’s been fleeting thoughts and mild urges at *****. Now that I am going to be financially responsible for myself, I can’t spend money like I used to. How’s you and your new love interest?? For me a man is the furthest thing from my mind. I just want to breathe and spend time with my grandkids and female friends. I have never lived alone in my adult life so that is something I want to experience. Hope you are doing well in your recovery. Carole1 August 2013 at 12:02 am #12096
Just want to put my thoughts down here while they are still fresh. I had a rough start on Monday, was the last day of my vacation and gambling urges were sooooooo strong. It really surprised me since I haven’t really had the desire to gamble in quite awhile. I logged onto the Live Advice Helpline and Harry helped me muddle through my thought process and while I am disappointed in myself for having the urges, I am proud of myself for not acting on them.
I have kept in touch with my ex’s sister since our breakup last October. Whenever she mentions him and his girlfriend I am filled with rage and hatred and wish that he would suffer just as he made me suffer. I realize that even though I have told her I don’t ever want to hear anything about him again, I want to hear something BAD. He has **** about many things since the breakup and said some nasty things about me and it has finally triggered strong gambling urges. I feel much better after talking things out with Harry and I realize that I need to completely let it go (I thought I had). I most certainly have no warm and fuzzy feelings, but I need to let go of the animosity.
I think I still dislike myself for having stayed in a terrible environment for as long as I did, one with no love, warmth, attention or support. My insecurities and low self esteem kept me in an abusive home with an extremely selfish person but I am in a "good" place right now and cannot allow those memories to take me backwards.
Thank you Harry for being in the right place at the right time. Debbie1 August 2013 at 1:57 pm #12097
Dear (((Debbie)))! Way to go on not giving in to the strong gambling urges. The staff at GT are awesome people, and have helped me out more ***** than I can *****. I can understand you being upset hearing about the ***s your ex is telling about you. You have to remember that his whole life is based on ***s in the persona he presents to others. It is a reflection of him, not you, that he has to *** to be acceptable to another woman. I am wondering why you are still in contact with his sister who seems to derive some perverse satisfaction in telling you things that really upset you. Some people are not good to continue having in our lives and the sister may be one of them. As much as you think that her loyalty is with you, I am guessing that some of what you talk to her about gets back to your ex. Your ex did you wrong for too many years, and you kept yourself in that dysfunctional relationship, just like I did, out of fear of the unknown, and maybe that’s what you’re rageful about. Remember KARMA, and the universe will take care of the ex. It just doesn’t seem fast enough some*****!! Carole1 August 2013 at 9:07 pm #12098velvetModerator
I suspect that the annoyance you feel for yourself staying in the wrong environment, for as long as you did, comes out in anger at him and wanting bad things to happen to him.
When someone is so sad Debbie that they hurt something precious, then wishing them bad things is remembering them, which means, in my book, that you are allowing them in to your life to carry on hurting you.
If I allowed the addiction in my CG’s life to continue causing me anger and bitterness then I would be remembering it but it is a closed chapter – I am much further on. I have learned from it and I will use the experience to make me a better person – hence writing on here and caring about you.
The experience you had, which I know was bad, was part of ‘your’ life, ‘your’ experience and how you handle it now is all that matters. If we take bad experiences and turn them into something good then nothing is wasted and we can improve out lives.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. Either stop this communication or look at what you have got now and how far you have come and be proud of who you are now. This woman should not be mentioning her brother to you – ask yourself why is she doing this? If she is doing it to upset you then she is succeeding – you have handled bigger things than this Debbie – you have controlled your addiction. You have strength, you have power. This is not worth your concern.
2 August 2013 at 9:41 pm #12099veraParticipant
Sorry to hear you are being haunted by your past right now, Debbie. I would consider that to be a normal part of healing. The scars remain even after the wound closes. Ideally, we can say nobody has the power to hurt us unless we give them that power but sometimes , in weak and vulnerable moments, we do find our defences weakened and the "enemy" takes the upper hand. Just give it time, Debbie. That sister of your ex is either goading you or passing on messages from her brother to hurt you. I woould suggest you call her bluff and ask her why she tells you all this rot. Tell her you don’t want to hear it….(or do you?)
Whatever, gambling is not the cure.
Don’t be angry for having urges. Maybe you are still punishing youself deep down for staying with that guy and remembering the coping macanism you used then…
You don’t need that crutch now Debbie.
You are safe.
You are free!
You are healing, odaat!13 August 2013 at 12:28 pm #12100bettieParticipant
Sometimes life is like a country song.
"Well have you left the one you left me for? Did she hear like me that slamming door? Did you leave for good or just get bored? Well have you left the one you left me for."
Or maybe she did the leaving…..
What comes around goes around.
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