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      From my last post I’ve left everything to get away from gambling Thursday 18th July I wrote a 5 page letter to my beautiful and the best wife in the world how I ****ed up our marriage via gambling and how I kept it quit for nearly 4 years,,,
      I love to go back and wish nothing wrong and lets carry on, but I can’t do this to her, gambling is worster than cheating on her with another women,, I know she heartbroken, because she tried number of times to get through to me,, and left message, saying we can fix this,,
      im so ashamed of myself, I can’t face her, I did explain to her I need to fix up,,, but I can’t go back,,,
      gambling is the disease that you would never get a different option from people haven’t been through it,, its not like drug or drink(liquors)… someone called you a junky or bag for taking drugs I can handle that, a pisshead, alky because you can’t control your drink that I can handle,,, gambling = waste man, waste of space, looser, go and crawl in a corner and die,,, untrustworthy, liar, thief, fraudster, etc……. the list carry on, bottom line as a gambler 99.9% you live cold and lonely life, with no friend and no family, and die alone,,, 
      im walking around the streets today see youngster(18-25) enjoying there life, I used to drive a audi q7 s-line, brought my missus a bmw 1 series, has a comfortable and professional career, 6 bed house(no mortgage), and saving of over £50,000, I’ve taken my missus to Australia, new Zealand, Canada, us, Africa, china, etc…. can’t think of a place I haven’t taken,,, her,,, before I started to gamble(oct 2009), and now july 2013 the last time I went on holiday was 2 weeks in march2009 to new York, sold my q7 lost all my saving and my missus saving(cause we had joint account), only thing I got is my house and the only reason I didn’t mortgage that all this time because I had my saving and stuff that I sold to get the funds, the time I did think about mortgage the house, I would just actually stop and think about if I can’t repay the mortgage back, then my wife will be on the street, I funny how I actually thought about her when the mortgage the house would come to  my head, but when withdrawing £3000-£10000 per week from our joint account it was like minor or **** it, she won’t know I put the money back, but that never happened,, , the total I lost is £48,000 but that’s only the money in the bank I haven’t included £25,000 from the q7, £8,000 Rolex watch, and about £10,000 from selling my laptop, iPhone, ipad, ps3, psp, iPod, etc…. 
      the house may be on my name but it belong to my wife now…………………
      and now im sitting in this hostel with £40 in my pocket no bank card a mobile phone, with has minutes, text and data usage available but no one to talk to,,, and 2 set of clothes that’s it,,, a right looser and a tosser, no one to blame but my myself,,,]
      so I ask my self what happened to the guy who would respect money, and his missus, who would go on holiday every 6months treats his wife to the top restaurant, shopping in Selfridges, and live a happy and easy life,,,,,, ive finally woken up from this bad nightmare to realise ive got nothing left, absolutely nothing,,,   
      and all I keep on asking my self is why? eh why the hell did you do this? why? why? why the **** from everything I could have done , but I choose this………… no gam care or Samaritan  can help us out,,, I just want my life back how it use to be… chance, A point of no return
      kind regards
      a waste man *****       one love

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