Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Poetry Corner A night of gambling disaster – written 2004

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    I went out gambling again tonight
    I know deep down that it’s not right
    But there was a need inside of me to go
    Why I went there – I don’t really know?
    I gambled away most of my money
    And I felt very annoyed and sorry
    But still I had to chase the money I’d lost
    I had to get the money back at any cost
    So I went to the bank and withdrew money that wasn’t mine
    Knowing the withdrawal would get me a very large fine
    I had to chase the money back that I’d put in the machine
    I felt so frustrated about it that I felt I could scream
    But instead of winning I lost money, more and more
    I went into a panic and what I was going to do I wasn’t sure
    I actually felt totally and utterly upset
    I was anxious that more money was something that I needed to get
    I tried again to get more money from the bank
    But I couldn’t and into depression I sank
    I managed though to borrow money off a fellow gambler
    At the time I was so grateful to her
    I told her that I would give her the money back when I had won
    But within minutes her money had also gone
    By rights the bloody machine should pay out soon
    I suddenly became conscious that I was being watched in the room
    Their eyes had watched me loose money in the machine
    Well to me that is how it really did seem
    I felt that I wasn’t really prepared to walk away
    Because the blasted machine was due to pay
    I wandered whether to leave the gambling place then and there
    I felt what had happened to me was totally not fair
    I felt that the other gamblers were a scaverging lot
    They’ll jump on the machine and my money they’ll have got
    I had to leave because I hadn’t got a single penny in my purse
    It was then that I felt that my gambling had got a lot worse
    I wasn’t sure what the hell I should do
    This was a feeling that I didn’t want to go through
    In the gambling place I could no longer remain
    I said to myself ‘you stupid bitch – you’re totally insane’
    I wanted my gambling addiction to go away for good
    But have I got the confidence – I know I should
    I ripped up my membership card as I walked out the door
    I felt that that would help me to stop gambling for sure
    I felt that I wanted the gambling to go over time
    And that it would no longer be an addiction that was mine
    I hoped that my gambling addiction would cause me less concern
    And that from today’s gambling disaster I would like to learn
    Maybe I needed to attend a gambler’s anonymous meeting
    As their help is something that I should be truly seeking
    I wished that my addiction would just go away
    But I have to take each day as a ‘new gambling free day’
    I know that I have to take each day one by one
    Until the stupid gambling addiction had gone!!
    (Michelle    –    written April 2004)

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