24 August 2016 at 9:18 pm #7870
Today is my first day actually of being a recovering gambling addict. I have lost thousands, stolen from my family, lied, and lived with a tremendous amount of guilt due to all the harm gambling has inflicted on my life. I dream of a world debt free and bet free. I now truly understand you can’t win in gambling and even if your a lifetime winner you still lose because of the time wasted in casinos. I know few who are actually winners but I know some and they smoke like chimneys or drink like fish so really their speeding up the day to lay in peace sooner than they normally mey have. Ghandi said something of the extent, A man will sacrifice his health for wealth then spend his wealth trying to get back his health. That’s deep. I mean when I play, I go balls to the wall meaning I will get absolutely shit faced intoxicated normally while I’m winning then by sunrise I’m completely drunk and broke and smoke 10 black and milds in 1 DAY!!!
The problem I feel most gamblers have when they are trying to quit is the influx of emotions that take over you once you realize your not ever going to be a winner. That anger is the main ingredient that sets most of us off course but you have to contain it and my best advice for containing it is understand that if you make it in the long haul without betting you will be a happier person and no matter what it’s only 24 hours in day so just because your angry today because of what you did in the past, tomorrow you will feel better especially if you don’t gamble today. I have been a complusive gambler for 9yrs but now I realize that quitting is really not that hard if you REALLY WANT to quit, you just have to develop a HATE for gambling and stop thinking it’s what you love doing because really it’s not it’s just become routine to you. As complusive gamblers we dwell on the fact that we can never gamble again and that freaks us out because you say to yourself but I love gambling it’s something I enjoy doing I can’t imagine never placing another bet ever but do you really love gambling? I for sure thought I did; but after nine years I really thought about that question in depth then answered truthfully I REALLY DONT LOVE GAMBLING I actually kinda hate it it takes all my money I sit a poker table with people I don’t care about or play blackjack knowing the house will win in the long run. What? I really hate gambling!! Say it again out loud “I REALLY HATE GAMBLING” now SHOUT IT “I REALLY HATE GAMBLING” And I say that and truly mean it now before I would say I wanted to quit but In the back of head I knew I didn’t but now the thought of casinos kind of makes me sick to my stomach. Some would say how come all of a sudden you hate gambling.? I will tell you why, I have gambled everything you can think except ponies and slots never got into those forms of gaming because no skill involved and I just knew those games were dumps. Sports betting-lifetime loser craps-lifetime loser poker-lifetime loser(although I did have two consecutive winning years hourly turned out to be only 11hr-terrible and when you consider the amount of tobacco I smoked I probably lost two years off my life) blackjack-lifetime loser baccarat-lifetime loser. That’s how I developed this hate I took all my self neglect and angry towards myself and put it towards the thing I should be angry at the games. See why I hate gambling now I was honest with myself in all facets I’m a loser when it comes to gambling and the irony is I hate losing so if I hate losing I should hate gambling because all I do is lose no matter how much I’m up so by not gambling I’m winning and I love winning in life plus with your new found state of mind you will shock those around you by not gambling and even those gambling buddies will start to envy you because chances are there losing too but can’t muster up the courage to quit like you. This is the motivation I am using to beat my addiction.
IM not using GA because I find GA try’s to strip you of your identity and it makes you feel like some sick powerless person and by no disrespect I know gambling is a disease and I’m not shaming those who go but I just can’t commit to being so powerless and using some of their terminology because it creates a weak minded mentality my personal opinion there. I try not to say I’m sick that’s such an excuse gamblers tend to lean on. Now I say I was a fool for continuing to try and beat the odds I succumb to the fact That me personally I can’t win. I am strong minded individual who knows you can do anything you put your mind too I watch my dad cold turkey stop smoking crack when I was 10 go back to get his masters and become a principal no rehab no relapse or nothing. someone asked him how he did it awhile back and he replied I just did it because I wanted to and I had too. True champion. Sorry for the rant but back to the gambling really only the first pay cycle is hard (if you have a job) because your forced to go to work broke and thoughts of never gambling ever again start to consume your brain and it becomes hard to concentrate but once you get paid that all goes away and you feel amazing but remember this if you gamble that check and lose it, it will most certainly make you lose your sanity all over again. Best of luck to all recovering gamblers
Till next time
K25 August 2016 at 4:06 pm #7871
Yesterday I registered on this forum. I shared some background on myself as a gambler and commented on a few others post to become active within the community. Well that led me to want to put myself on poker stars self exclusion list so I can deposit no longer ( yes I play live and online terrible I know) So I signed on and thought it was no money in my account and I would just put myself on the self exclusion list but it was money available $25.76 left from a $250.00 deposit I made a day or two prior. The first thing I did was look to see what tourneys were available and long behold a $5.00 $500gtd was running. I registered sat down with 10000 in chips and felt DISGUSTED. I said to myself what’s the point even if I win this tourney I’ll be trapped and that’s not the goal we want to be bet free and debt free so I dumped it very next hand on purpose and I was out but what came next was something I never did before. I was back in the poker stars lobby and the balance was $20.76. I said **** this I’m withdrawing this lousy 20 bucks and went and got my account number and routing number and punched it in and WITHDREW the funds then went straight to the self exclusion press the button. Felt AWESOME! but what is so big about this to me is I’ve been playing online for 2yrs and I was always to lazy to just get the damn account information out of my folder so I could do a withdrawal the only time I ever withdraw was when I’m over 1k and would drive all the way to Atlantic City so I could withdraw from the cage and just go play live. Later in the evening I had a urge to gamble in my brain well maybe not a urge but gambling thoughts were coming in and out but what was weird I felt in my heart I didn’t want to gamble and I didn’t even like gambling because it has destroyed me. I didn’t gamble I just walked around the corner to my friends house all my compadres were outside I grabbed a brew and we just started having a good time talking, joking, laughing and I even shared with them I am really trying to tackle this problem seriously this time. My friends have heard it all before but they were very supportive and that made me feel happy as well. Long story short I went home eat a pot pie, did NOT gamble, went to sleep, woke up with Money and hey I even have $20.76 extra on the way lol.
Till Next Time
K25 August 2016 at 5:53 pm #7872stilltimeParticipant
It sounds like you have really recognized that you have a problem and you are willing to fight to get your life back. These are great steps. I’m on day 12 gamble free, there have been some ups and downs but overall hope is starting to return and I’m looking forward to enjoying life fully again.25 August 2016 at 6:29 pm #7873
Thank you for the support still time and congrats to you as well on 12 days. Yes I have come to gripes that I am a complusive gambler and have also admitted it to all my friends who already knew but since I have come clean it has taken a lot off my shoulders and has help me to embrace this never ending journey. The best days have yet to come from us. One day at a time and within no time we will have our lives and bank accounts back. If you don’t mind me asking still time what was your game of choice?16 March 2017 at 4:47 pm #7874DNcanadaParticipant
Hi I enjoyed reading your story and just wondering how you are doing now. My game of choice are slots in a casino and online. I hate it too and can’t believe that I let myself get this bad. It’s a constant struggle. But the longer I stay away the easier it gets I find.29 March 2017 at 12:50 am #7875RealQuietParticipant
I love of this post. We can do this. I’m about 2 hours away from getting through Day 1. You’re right. I like winning. Not losing. And I lose at gambling. But that’s because I have no control of that. Some idiot misses a free throw or throws a pick six in the final minute, and I’m the loser for that!? No more. No more betting. Winning is not betting. And yeah, we’re not powerless over quitting like they say in GA (plus too many breaches of anonymity with the big mouths). We can do this. Quitting is winning.7 April 2017 at 5:58 pm #7876
Hi I am currently doing well not great. I have more money than when I orginallly posted and a better car ;). I was able to save some because I stop carrying debit cards and large amounts of cash trust me a lot of cash in pocket is a trigger. I know because I’ll be completely honest I’ve gambled a couple times since my orginally post and everytime I ended up gambling was after a few drinks and reach in my pocket and have a wad of cash. I try to get creative and fool myself into thinking I can double the money but you can’t. Alcohol gives false confidence so if you know you will be drinking don’t bring a lot of money period. I personally drink way less now I think that’s why I gamble way less. They were kind of dual addictions fueling each other. I’ll be honest it’s a long journey that you have continue to be aware of because it’s easy to fall back into the pattern of just gambling everyday. I have not went back to online gaming at all. I renewed my self exclusion for another 5 months and that I am proud of very much. I think also what has helped me is mapping out daily plans when you get up so you don’t gamble and if you do gamble it will seemed contrived because your not keeping your goals to yourself. My best advice is never give up because you messed up. Also find your triggers that is a must so you can have more sense of control. You have to come back stronger and more determined because you can do this. I just set a loafty goal myself which is about a 12-18month process and I’m challenging myself to not do any forms of gambling or gaming in that respected time frame. You see for me doing it like this is easier on my mental than I will never gamble again that’s like way to much pressure to fulfill. I’m also glad my post reach someone because that was my objective and to very honest with myself.
Thank you23 May 2017 at 1:31 pm #7877OmwengajoParticipant
Gambling has consumed me-like a fire, like a bad plague. I live, walk, sleep thinking of the next bet. I have lost money. A lot. My spouse is angry with me. I am angry with myself. But O still find myself ensnared to this vice. …17 June 2017 at 3:48 am #7878almostheavenwvmom2Participant
Hi everyone, I’m new & this post seemed to fit. My spouse & son are also mad at me….they say “just stop” & because it’s not a substance I think they don’t understand why I can’t and how hard it is. I’m constantly lying about where I am, what I spent money on. Sound familiar? I keep asking myself that above question, how did this happen? I am struggling and I’m wondering what my triggers are because it seems that all I think about is gambling. I love the slots. The strange thing is, with me – this all happened so fast. I had gambled a couple of times on vacations but not too long ago I went to a conference in Vegas and after a bit of beginner’s luck….I was hooked. I blew through all of my money in Vegas, called my spouse crying to deposit more money in my account….lied about someone stealing my cash & you know the drill – spent it all again. I called my parents crying with the same bunch of baloney and bam…more money. You guessed it – all spent. Why can’t I realize that the house is always going to win. Now, I’m back home chasing my losses. I leave work and say I have an appointment to go gamble, take money from my husband’s account to go gamble, pawn things to go gamble. At first, I was driving 2 hours to the closest casino, but then I found the smaller spots with just a few machines and have timed it for the times they are available. Now, I’m 20 minutes away from accessing my drug of choice. I have thought about stealing, maxed out all of my credit cards, used store credit cards to purchase things to immediately go pawn, searched through all of the coat pockets in the house and cashed in all of the change out of everyone’s vehicles. It’s on my mind constantly and I’m hoping some of you have ideas on how to get it off of my mind. Every time I leave the casino broke, I swear never again. Payday rolls around and I think “I’ll just spend a couple hundred and then before you know it, I’m running around like crazy trying to find more cash. This really sucks and worst of all is the sneaking around, lying and shame. It’s not me. It’s like I’ve become someone else.
We may not have the answers yet, but maybe we can get through this step-by-step together. I’m not even on day 1. Today, I pray was my last day. Today, I gambled after withdrawing from my husband’s account twice when I should’ve been at work, used some more money that I got from selling something…thought about what I could pawn & now I’m forced to sell more personal belongings to make it until payday. I hope this forum helps. It’s my first step. I want to quit so bad before this takes everything from me. Thanks for listening and I wish all of us success in beating this thing!18 June 2017 at 1:01 pm #7879kathrynParticipant
Well done on taking the first step in your recovery. Its certainly not an easy one for sure.
Perhaps you could start your own topic (thread) so that people can read and reply to you and you can tell your story.
It sounds all too familiar to me, the lying, sneaking behaviour that is a compulsive gambler. I’m not sure where you are located, but things like self exclusion, giving up your debit cards to your husband and letting him take control of the finances (that’s a hard one I know), attending GA, and reading and posting here, all these things can help you find a life where gambling no longer rules.
You can get your life back. Its not easy, in fact its really hard work, it wont happen in a day either, but in time you can live a gamble free life.
I hope you start your own thread, and get the support you deserve.
Take care K x
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.