a work in progress

[ready2change]

I had a slip 2 weeks ago but i am more determined than ever im not feeling sorry for myself and not beating myself up its done now and i have to look forward a day at a time and that is what i am going to do.
I am 35 and im from ireland and i will post again later im in a rush at the moment.
Take care

[Anonymous]

Come on pal, I believe in you. Get up from this pit. Your bigger than this addiction

[i won a new life]

Hey mate, the hardest part for me has been accepting that I can’t gambel anymore, I’m done anytime I think about casino’s it’s gonna be me telling them to go **** themselves. You get an urge, stop and think. my name is "I Won" I am a compusive gambler. I made my last bet Feb. 1. 2 days free, let someone else test the water’s next time.– 2/3/2013 7:21:05 PM: post edited by I won a new life.

[Anonymous]

Come on R2C
get a grip. I thought we could fight this together. You slipped. Accept it, the monies gone. As they say in NY…..furgeddaboutit………Move on. Its a new day. Start now. 1 year from now, l;ets see the difference. I’m ready and will be watching out for you my Irish buddie

[ready2change]

Thank u 4 the posts uncntrolled and I won a new life.
I havnt gambled since thursday but im really struggling lots of thoughts of gambling and im really depressed.
Im not suicidal i dont think im kinda past that emotion i was suicedal after every slip for a few years but i dont be suicedal anymore after a slip i once wrote out an 8 page suicide note and drove a few hours 2 my favourite place in the world Bundoran with the aim to jump of a cliff and die at my favourite gambling town and then i couldnt do it to my mother so i drove home again and threw the suicide note in a bin on the way home thats what gambling has done to me and there are other horrible stories.
Im scared i have to tell my female friend that i cant be with her and shes better of without me i cant be with her im a lost cause atm and i need to be on my own i will not take her down blind alleys i couldnt do it to her i care about so much and im dreading the phone call.
Why is valentines day next thursday but thats life.
Iv already lost a 4 year relationship with this disease and i cant start a relationship 4 days free from a bet it would be madnessand an insult to my really good friend.
I might be an addict but i dont play games with people im not a bad person im just a sick person .
Im that sick that this is the second winter iv went without any heat on but yet i gamble a couple of thousand in a day.
You could hang beef at my house a friend once told me.
I dont invite people around in winter.
Im crying inside i want to kinda give up and stop this living nightmare but im to stubborn i have to keep going whilst my parents are still alive anyway God love them they think im doing well they dont need to know theyr in their seventies and ilove them very much but unfortunately i loved gambling very much too.
Playing fruit machines in bundoran since i was 7 year old went there every summer.
Why was a 7 year old allowed 2 play fruit machine and other gambling games my mind wasnt developed enough to deal with it and my grandad was a cg and got a job in a bookies when i went to uni i lasted a year at uni wonder why.
Yep im feeling sorry 4 myself i just have tried so hard to beat this ******* dis ease over the years and im just ****** off with life.
But il hopfuly bounce back i usually do i just thought id be honest and share how im feeling
Its not easy!
Time 4 the serenity prayer

[i won a new life]

I’m glad yor back ready2change. I had a bad slip last week also, It was a costly slip, but im now even more determined to do what I came to this site for. I’m actually excited about it, changing habits and urges will come in time. give yourself the time. I’m thinking of this as a guaranteed payout, freedome. I was low and you posted on my thread. It meant a lot to me that u cared. If it means putting up more barriors-do it. If u have someone you can trust to hold your money- let them. You’ll be thankfull when u need it. wishing u the best mate, 1 day at at a time.

[Anonymous]

Hi Mate
Good to hear from you. I hoped you would come back. I can feel a strength in you, in your writing. You have been extremely brave just in making it back here. Its something you couldnt have done years ago. You will still have your dark days at this time, it’s a case of riding the storm – keep telling yourself my friend that although that day is hard, you are working towards making yourself better – the longer you abstain, the easier you are making things on yourself.
This will be small comfort now, but if you can get over the immediate crisis you’ll be surprised how the finances start to level off after a time. That’s not to say there aren’t consequences to our actions, but they become more manageable when the money leak stops.

Keep posting when you need to and keep working hard – 5 days is great work and you can build on this. Stay focused my friend & post here as much or as little as you need to.

I very much hope you can be here in 5 years time too, this Forum ***** intelligent, sincere people like your
good self.
I know you will have no money, but next time you get any, put the bloody heating on and buy a lovely warm soup and some thick bread and just savour it. Watch an old movie on the TV and I guarantee it will make you feel better if only for a few hours. Live in the present ONLY for now and forget all the ****** mistakes we’ve both made.
You’ll never walk alone !

 

[ready2change]

Cheers 4 the support lads
Lost a bit of motivation last weeks slip knocked the heart out of me i just didnt see it coming.
But thats the past im going to get my head down and get back up on the horse adaat.
Talks cheap so il leave it at that 4 now
God bless

[Anonymous]

Hi R2C: Sorry you’re having a hard time … you’re not alone. There are a legion of us struggling along with you. This is Day 3 of many, many Day 3’s recently, and I feel very tired too sometimes. When I was reading your posts this quote came to mind — it’s something that helps to give me a kick start and some hope sometimes: “Don’t be a prisoner of your past, be the architect of your future.” This is from my favorite book of all time called The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma. We are blessed with a new chance every day. I second Uncontrolled’s suggestion — practise self care. Make getting the heat back on your number one priority. You are worth a warm home, some comforting food and the joy of a little peace of mind. Stay connected. Read, read, read through the urges. Be good to yourself. RG

[vera]

"I didn’t see the slip coming!"
You wrote that twice R2C!
Others have said the same thing…."I didn’t see it coming!"………….
I have to challenge you to really think about that statement  R2C! I used to fool myself into be***ving I just blinked my eyes and "found myself"sitting behind a slot machine with five hundred euro missing from my purse.
That was never the reality of what happened.
Every time I gamble(d), my episode began with a thought. Just one thought ! "Today, if I gamble, I will double my money" or " I’m free today, I have "spare" money so I’ll "treat" myself to a fun day in the casino.
Those thought are always flawed.
When I chose to dwell on them, I begin to plan! A CG always ***** a PLAN.
Line up your ammunition i.e. cash.
Set time aside.
Think of an excuse ( usually a ***) to cover your tracks. (I usually meet an invisible friend)
I then need to travel a certain distance, maybe an hour. I need to quash any counter thoughts,i.e. (If I gamble I might lose" or even " Cgs never win", so as not to shatter my illusion.
Only when I have the scheme developed to the finest detail do I set off to put my plan into action.
My gambling trips are always well planned even if I manage to block out that plan from my conscious mind until the game is over. CGs are good at that!
I know now that having admitted to being in full control of every gambling trip I ever made, I can never again call it a "slip", nor can I say " I didn’t see it coming!"
Just something to reflect on when you are nursing your wounds! Its the best time to see things cleary R2C!
Suffering brings us to our senses.
Bundoran has sad memories for me too. Reminds me that I had a problem with gambling for even longer than I realised! Reading about it gave me quite a jolt. Too difficult a memory to dwell on because it involved a very young child!
GAMBLING DESTROYS LIVES!

[ready2change]

Thanks 4 the posts. Feeling a we bit stronger day by day my heart is recovering. I think
my father has got good news thank God. I told my friend last night i think its better we stay friends and that i had gambled. Nothing changes if nothing changes i would like to stay bet free adaat. I need to give myself a shake and be thankful for what i have. It could be worse it can always be worse theres always another rock bottom lurking around the corner if i let it so just 4 today i will not gamble

[i won a new life]

Hi there ready2change, glad your feeing better. One day at a time we will continue to recover. Stay strong, god bless.

[ready2change]

The thoughts of gambling are becoming less again thank God im trying to just take it adaat looking forward to the big rugby match today and then a big soccer match on tuesday night. And then theres another big soccer match on wednesday nice to have we things to look forward to. My glass is usually half full but im just still licking my wounds a we bit from my last bet it wasnt a big amount but it was a big amount when it was most of the available cash you have to your name. But i supposei was dejected because i cant trust myself. I can go months and months bet free and can save a good bit and then bang lose a thousand or two in a few hours and then the same thing happens again and again. I do try very hard most of the time but i know how sneaky this dis ease is if i give my recovery 99% i will eventually gamble because thats just the way it is for me. So i need a plan have to become orgainsed limit want available money i carry at all ***** i dont want todo this but i have no choice and thats ok im more than happy to do this. I was told by a very wise man God rest him who was off gambling over 15 years when he **** that this disease can kill you but it will torture you first and its so true i have to take action now adaat. The machines in the bookies in the U.K are making on average 1k a week each the bookies never had it so easy and no risk whatsoever. Only 2 % of gamblers make a profit its time i realised im in the worst 2% of cgs. Talks cheap and im reluctant to say im going to do this and im going to do that because iv had so many false dawns but i know i need to be a we bit more orgainsed and have a plan if i have to be regimental with my money thenso be it because i can no longer just go out and about with mayb e a thousand in my cash card and hope for the best that i wont end up in the bookies.
So just 4 today i will have a plan

[i won a new life]

Hi R2C, Glad you got some time from your last bet and your right about locking up your money, It’s a shame I’ve been doing the same thing. Save and Binge-it has to change. Have a good week, God Bless.ODAAT one day at a time

[neva]

It’s kind of like dieting.  You eat right, watch your calories and exercise and then you blow it and all your hard work is wiped out. Now you know what’s going to happen so put up some road blocks so you can’t repeat that…or at least if you do make sure you can’t access too much money.  Not being able to access more money has been a lifesaver for me.  Roadblocks will prevent you from ever again gambling away a thousand in a couple of hours!  No amount of gambling (a hundred or a thousand or more) will satisfy us but, only having a small amount of money available, will surely limit our losses…and we’ll be very thankful!!!

[Author]

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