31 May 2011 at 4:36 pm #2562
I haven’t been able to get on GT, I kept getting a message saying server not found!! I have finally managed to log on again!!
My CG went out out Sunday with his friends, I was convinced he would gamble as we had, had a few words about him leaving his card with me (as I’m looking after his cards). He told me he spends more money if he takes cash. Anyway I told him I’m keeping his card!! He went out, I heard him come in about 1:30, he usually comes straight to bed but he didn’t. I was convinced he was gambling online!! I went down stairs to see what he was doing. He was not around but he was on the loo downstairs, I knew he was on the Internet because the lights where flashing on the router!! ( he told me before that he would go into the bathroom to gamble via his phone) hence why I thought he was gambling. I turned off the router so he could not get online!! He seemed really p….d off and was really moody with me his whole body language was as if he had gambled!! I waited till the morning and when he got up I asked him if he had gambled he did say no, but I didn’t beleive him, he showed me his bank online plus his credit card accounts. Anyway he hadn’t gambled which I was really pleased about. This is the longest time he’s gone it’s about 4 months since he’s gambled4 June 2011 at 9:44 am #2563velvetModerator
I think that his whole body showing signs that he had gambled is something to make you be more on your guard than usual. Your partner is not using any support in his attempt to live gamble-free and dry-gambling is often the way that a CG with the idea that he doesn’t need support can handle himself for a while until complacency takes over and money becomes involved again.
The traits are every bit to be feared as the loss of money – in my opinion more so. It is the traits that screw up the non-CG more than loss of money. Loss of money, I think, is the visible pointer to the addiction but not the cause. Loss of money is something the non-CG can see and I think makes the gamble easier for us to understand. In the meantime worrying about your partner’s behaviour is not giving you joy, peace or happiness. He is worrying you and that worry is something that maybe ***** to be addressed. He is pushing his boundaries by going out with his mates and staying out until the wee hours on a regular basis. CGs who want a life-time being gamble-free recognise and stop pushing their boundaries as part of their acceptance of their addiction.
I have said I will put something on to the forum about dry-gambling and hope to do so in the next few days but in essence your partner is possibly gambling in his head with his phone in the loo. Dry-gamblers give reign to their addiction without using money but when (not if) the money comes back into the equation; they can gamble money with a vengeance. The gamble in their heads is to try and satisfy their addiction but without others, who understand them, supporting them and encouraging them to a more positive approach they, stumble. I have yet to hear of anyone who has cracked this addiction without support.
I certainly don’t want to frighten you but I would not be true to myself if I did not pose the thought to you that your partner might have not have lost money for about 4 months but from the behaviour you have mentioned he has not been gamble-free.
Don’t underestimate the power of the addiction. You turned the router off and he was p….. off and ***** – which are signs of an active addiction although, I accept, could also be signs of just having his freedom to do as he wished removed. Whichever though,the fact that no money was lost was not, unfortunately, clear evidence that he had not been gambling.
Stay vigilant and keep on the ball as you have been doing.
4 June 2011 at 9:25 pm #2564AnonymousGuest
Linda I too echo what velvet said and I am a cg myself. I dont want to add to your worries and anguish but one thing that jumped out of your post at me was him showing you his online statements, one of my bank accs, (cant say which one for obvious reasons), still shows an available balance for up to 5 days after debit card transactions. ie if i had 300 in the bank and spent 200 online this paticular bank would show a/c bal 300 available 300. Other bank accounts would say bal 300 available 100, just be wary aswell I’m not scare mongering but it is possible to gamble online by purchasing vouchers from shops for cash. I dont know if you are aware of this.
The showing of online accounts I’m afraid is an elaborate hoax I know a few cg’s have pulled. Dry gambling is also something a lot of us have endulged in for long periods, then when the cash comes the "real" gambling can and usually does come back with a vengance.
I dont know if he’d gambled that night, for your sake I hope he hasnt, however whether he did or not, you have support here for your recovery and I’m pleased that you are using it. He chooses not to accept or seek support and nothing you can say or do will persuade him, at least not when he is showing such obvious traits.
I dont know how it feels to see things from your side, but I know that the best thing you can do is look after yourself and try not to let this anguish about his behaviour ruin your life too. You have every right to feel pleased with yourself for seeking the support that you need. Velvet says she has yet to hear of anyone cracking this addiction without support, i echo that too in respect of cg’s and their F+F too.
I think that you are all terriffic for finding this site and getting the support that you need.
Stay strong Linda.
Please dont let what I’ve told you frighten you, use it as an extra bit of armour against any future attempts when he may try to pull the wool over your eyes. Fore warned is fore armed, I hope.
I dont gamble.– 05/06/2011 01:15:34: post edited by geordie18.5 June 2011 at 3:45 pm #2565
Thanks for your replies, he didn’t gambled that night and he hasn’t for 4 months now!! He has thrown himself into working out at the gym!!
I am always on my guard now. That was the 1st time he had been like that. I told him the reasons I turned the router off! He did say he realised why I had done it as I thought he was gambling!! He did say that the last 4 months have made him realise what he has done and put me through!! He says he wants us to do things etc and have nice things! He is also aware that I’m never going to put up with gambling anymore and he knows I will carry out my consequences. I’m a much stronger person now and will not enable ever again!!
We have had a childfree weekend and spent some quality time together, which was really nice!! We had a good time5 June 2011 at 5:17 pm #2566AnonymousGuest
I am pleased to hear that Linda, and I will leave you in peace now, just wanted to tip you the wink about the bank and the vouchers. I’m am pleased you are always on your gaurd as its never woth taking any chances with this.
GeordieI dont gamble. Because recovery is priceless.6 June 2011 at 5:28 am #2567
Thanks again Geordie. I didn’t know about the vouchers but he doesn’t have his cards. I really don’t think he knows about them either!! Although he has gambled online the last time he gambled, it’s not his usual thing He prefers the casino as he likes to see it in live if you see what I mean. He has self excluded from the casinos in our town. He has never travelled to another town as it’s really 2 far!! I’m not saying he never would but in all the years hrs gambled he’s only ever done iy locally. I do check the lap top. It’s a family lap top do again he’s never used that as he wouldn’t want the kids finding out. He has used his phone before hence why I got paranoid after his night out!!
I am aware of the bank because a bit back he’d used a credit card and there was an amount pending. But I am not and will not get complacent again!!
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