Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family Addicted to gambling – Need help

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  • #5569
    angela09
    Participant

    I recently found that my brother is addicted to gambling. He got fired from his company because of his gambling. I was shocked to learn this from one of his colleagues. My brother said he is not able to stop gambling. It is so much fun and he asked me to try it once. At that point, I understood how addictive is my brother. I’m worried about his future. He is ruining himself and I can’t just watch it. I’m thinking of taking him to a wellness treatment centre in Toronto. I have heard that they treat for gambling addiction but I don’t know if my brother will be ready for any kind of treatments. Is there any other way to stop him from gambling? Any advice is highly appreciated.

    #5570
    Dunc
    Keymaster

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    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
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    #5571
    lily
    Participant

    Hi Angela, this must of been such a shock for you and I hope there is someone around you can talk to about it and get some support for you.

    Your post is full of love and concern for your brother as well as a willingness to try and understand why he might of been attracted to gambling. As I am sure you realize though compulsive gambling is far more than finding gambling fun and spending more than you should, it is a true addiction that needs proper treatment, like at the place in Toronto you mentioned.

    It sounds like you found this out by chance and he didn’t tell you, is that right? It also sounds like he is already in some trouble with it, losing his job etc so he will be feeling low, upset, ashamed, and afraid right now. I am assuming from the tone of your post you are quite emotionally close so I would suggest talking to him and asking him about it in a calm. no judgmental way much as you have done here and see where he is with it. Getting angry, accusational, or aggressive will not help. Now could be a good time to contact him if he is on a gambling low having lost all his money he may be more receptive to talking but remember only he can stop this, you can’t do it for him, if he is in denial or unwilling to seek help you can’t make him. No matter what the situation do not give him money or bail him out, this will only enable his gambling.

    At ths time it is so important to look after yourself. Do not feel you have to keep his secrets or get drown in, you need to be able to talk to people if you need to.

    Please keep posting and know this is a safe place for you to come and air your concerns and feelings. Lily x

    #5572
    bosslady
    Participant

    The only way for him to stop gambling is for him to want to stop…if he doesnt want to he wont…he will find a way…he needs to recognize the problem and want the help otherwise your care may be turned into something negative..trying to be non judemental and calm when talking to him may help him to open up to you and realize his issues..my husband did that until it all blew up in his face and he realized he was out of control..he shut me out completely..told me he didnt love me and went as far as wanting a divorce (together for 17 years) turned to others who told him what he wanted to hear..BUT when he was ready for help..hes been reaching out for it , communicating, and trying, he is around 50 days off Bet..

    #5573
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Angela
    I can hear you are a caring sibling and you want to do the right things for your brother. You don’t have to answer but I am wondering how old he is.
    Compulsive gamblers often say, in the early days, that what they are doing is fun; it is possible that your brother is not aware of the dangers inherent in his chosen pastime. I suggest you download the 20 questions from the Gamblers Anonymous website and ask your brother to read them – maybe he will see that there really is an addiction for gambling and it does wreck lives.
    You can suggest the wellness clinic but forcing him will not make him stop if a possible addiction has been growing for some time. If his possible addiction becomes your main concern then you will not be able to cope so if is vital that you look after yourself. The addiction to gamble loves secrecy – it allows it to grow without being checked because friends and family enable unwittingly. Are your parents aware of what is happening?
    I will await your reply to the posts you have received but in the meantime care for him by gently telling him you are concerned and maybe tell him that you have sought help because you are taking his actions seriously.
    Velvet

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