31 January 2012 at 12:51 am #2378daughter8Participant
I am coming to this site in hopes to find not answers but just some support for what I am going through.
My parents are gamblers. They have been for about the passed 15-18 years. It started out with the scratch off tickets from the lottery. It progressivly became worse as more and more casinos were within hours from their house. They live in Lima, Ohio and have been driving down to Lawrenceburg, IN to the what use to be called the Argosy. Then it was to the Bellterra. And now there is one even closer to them somewhere else in Indiana. Soon there is going to be one less then 30 minutes from my house when the one in Columbus opens up.
My parents have gambled away ALL of their savings.. ALL of their retirement. Their home was paid for and they had to take a mortgage out for $100,000.00 to pay off their debts. My grandmother has bailed them out and been their enabler for many many years. She passed away 11/11/11 and left them an inheritence which I have no doubts will be gone soon.
My parents have never paid for a hotel room at the casinos they go to. Their rooms and meals are completely "comp’ed". My mother called me Dec 18th crying and said that her and dad were in trouble. That they were in the hole, $5,000! I was shocked! I think that was the TRUE awakening for me. She only had 3800.00 in her checking account and was short 1200.00. She said this is normally when they would call my Gma and she would bail them out and then they would pay her back. I said, well I’m sorry mom but your enabler is gone now. I know that sounded cold but I have no tolerance for this. My parents are 71 and 68 years old and they should know better. She went on to tell me that they would not be able to do anything for Christmas this year because of their losses. So me, the single mother of 2, had Christmas at my house and bought food for 15 people. (and did not use one credit card at that) I am not loaded but I am a saver for sure.
This effected me so bad after she called me that when I went to Walmart that day to get a few of the gifts that I had shipped to store I was standing in line almost in tears. Thinking….. do my kids really NEED these things? It got worse…. I was looking around at all the STUFF that people had in their carts and starting thinking do these people really NEED all these things? I am so scared to SPEND money. I’m so scared of ending up like my parents. I’ve become a hoarder of money becase of them. I’m afraid they will be pennyless one day and who will they turn to?
Last Monday my dad called off work. He lied to his boss and said he was at my house and it was too foggy to drive home. I know this only because one of his co-workers called and told me. (She knows the whole story)
Today my daughter was sick and I tried calling my mom to come over and watch Jillian 1/2 day so I could work but I couldn’t get ahold of her. I then called my younger brother who is 37 and still living at home (yeah they enable him to do that) and he went up from the basement and said "Sis they aren’t here"…. REALLY? AT 5:30AM THEY ARE BOTH NOT THERE?
Dad called me around 11:30 and left a message on my cell phone and acted as if he were sick. coughing and stuff. He told me to call my mom and let her know what time I needed her to come over. I was so mad that he LIED to me again that I had to wait about 20 mins to calm down before calling my mom. I called and she sounded very frantic…. "Is she ok, what did the doctor say.. do you need me to come now" I said she is fine and no I don’t need you to come today…. I took the day off. So we left it at that. But it was eating at me… So about 30 mins later I called back and Mom answered the phone and I said… I need you to answer a question for me. Did you go to the casino last night. She started to say something different and then stopped and said "Yes, I’m not going to lie to you" Then I said, did you go last weekend too. And she said… no we did not. So I confronted her and said, then why wad dad not at work last Monday? BOOM… she’s caught. She said, OK yes we did go. We have to sneak away because no one likes it. I said mom if you have to lie about it then it’s WRONG!
Then she gave the phone to my dad. I had a huge blow up with my dad. I said things to him a daughter should never say. I was angry though. He tried to tell me that I don’t appreciate everything they have done for me. I told him if he thought that coming here and helping me out with my kids and buying me some groceries now and then was goign to make me turn a blind eye to what he was doing he was wrong. People say that this is not my problem…. in a way it’s not. But it could be. Some day when they are both gone and leave all this debt behind. or my mom is homeless because she can’t pay her mortgage due to all the gambling debts.
I’m angry…. I’m irritate every time I see them. I don’t want to feel like this about my parents. I feel like I’m taking care of kids.
I really don’t know how to cope with all of this? I am either yelling or crying about it.
Has anyone ever gone through anything similar to this? I need some guidence on what to say and how to handle this. Its only going to get worse…. I see it progressivly getting worse since my Gma died and left them some money.
Thanks for ANY advice…… =(
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