[thewizefox]

yesterday after the awful week of not knowing where im going to be , the news about job and the runnings with the landlord, i went to the bank with passport and withdrew all my money and gambled the lot.
I ask myself why, i think that i wanted to again ruin everything, only been out of rehab five weeks, it feels like the choice to stay in beckenham was the wrong one, its very isolated here and im finding it more harder to adjust to this new area. If i had money now i dont no what i would do ive broke the rules between me and my support worker, i realise that i must help myself but yesterday the gambling overtook me and i would of done anything to gamble, im 26 years old and have been living this sudden destruction and sabatargement since i was 17. For me i dont whats next i have only just finished a three month placement at the Gordon Moody Association, its only a month ago but it feels like a lost cause, in two weeks i will have no where to go, i need to stay strong as i wont last five seconds on the street if i break if i dont find any suitable accomodation, i must be prepared for the worse, the thought of all my family 100 miles away and myself in London homless is a scary prospect, i have made all the efforts to stay in contact with my suport worker and get help with my problems, i feel quite helpless and would like any advice please as cant carry on like this.No regrets, past is the past, the future i can change.

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