7 February 2022 at 3:48 pm #148171
Where do I start? If you know me, you know I have had a gambling addiction throughout my entire life. Since I started going to GA Meetings when I was 19 (or 20 or 21) years old, every time I relapse, even after a long period of quitting, I lose everything. Here is an update.
Well, I injured my leg in about May to July (somewhere between there) of 2021 and was unable to walk. I partially tore one of the ligaments in my knee, but was unable to walk on it for so long I thought it was something else. One of the doctors said it could have possibly been a terminal illness with my body, as my leg began to lose significant weight, luckily they were wrong. Anywho, let me get to the gambling part.
During this injury and time of not being able to walk, I was able to save money from working from home. My job kept on pushing the question on me asking me when I’d be able to work in person, but I couldn’t due to not being able to walk. I managed to save a good amount of money up because I couldn’t go anywhere and was just working from home. I saved roughly around 20 to 30 grand for the several weeks I was unable to walk.
During this time, one of my coworkers who was constantly profiting on trading cryptocurrency convinced me to make an investing account to try it out. I was convinced due to still being in about 70 to 100 thousand dollars in debt with school loans, credit, and what I owe others. I eventually joined and started studying stocks. To make a long story short, none of the investments I tried profited and they actually did the opposite, lost me money. On top of that, I started trading options which is basically like gambling.
Anywho, after several failed attempts at investing/trading, I would constantly go to the casino to chase my losses on days where investing/trading lost me money. We all know the story from here. I lost the entire 20 to 30 grand, mostly at the casino, but some while trading and investing. On top of that, I borrowed some from a family member, and a friend who I feel very bad about borrowing from.
Of course, I thought I could create a system that worked for baccarat, but of course, no matter how much a system or strategy may work, it is never unbeatable. The casino designs the games to be able to not be beatable, no matter the betting strategy or what.
Now I am here, 30 years old, not much money to my name, not much to offer my mother or others in my family who could use the financial care from me.
The good news is that I am able to walk again, but my job fired me right before my leg healed because they did not know how long I would be out.
But once again, a gambling relapse has costed me all of my financial savings. Unfortunately, this addiction only requires one relapse to lose everything you have saved. This sucks.
I basically have been a gambling addict since elementary and threw my whole life away for it. There is no happy ending here. I am simply writing this for any younger people or anyone who is trying to quit. Quit now, so you don’t end up like me. I am 30 years old with about 100 grand in debt, no credit cards, no house, no money, no job, etc, etc. Learn from my mistakes. I tell you now, no system or strategy works at the casino. Everything they have placed in the casino format from the minimum bet to maximum bet is all thought out in order to take all your money. Do something else so you don’t end up like me.
7 February 2022 at 6:58 pm #148177LosingitslowlyParticipant
So sorry to hear that everything has taken a turn for the worst. As with all other turns, the only thing you can do is dust yourself off and start over. Day one is a good place to start when there is no other way to go. I hope that you find another job and just stick to trying to make money the old fashioned way- working, being paid I know for myself I hadnt a financial issue until I started to win at the casino. All the wins equaled 10 times it lost. Thanks for sharing and I hope others hear your message as well.
8 February 2022 at 10:13 am #148206sjc1Participant
Thank you for your post ‘wewinwhenwedontplay’. Even your ‘name’ has made me think – it speaks volumes. I practiced it last night. Typical situation: had some money in; tried to rationalise NOT spending it….but then the demons started creeping in. Of course I would only spend a small part of it…..then the small part would become the whole amount and then I’m back to square 1. No money. Emptiness emotionally as well as financially. But I read your post and it DID make me think twice. I’m hanging on to the logic of WEWINWHENWEDONTPLAY. Just keep that logical focus for as long as possible I say to myself. Keep holding on. Tomorrow does come and with it we can made fresh starts. 🙂
8 February 2022 at 4:35 pm #148228
8 February 2022 at 5:31 pm #148230
I appreciate the different words of wisdom and the insight that was posted in response to the initial post. I also want to add more details to show how much gambling can worsen a situation, similar to the saying, “When it rains, it pours.”
On top of me losing my job, edd unemployment is so “backed up” (I applied the day after I lost my job), that it’s been over two months and they still have not scheduled a phone interview to determine if I am eligible for unemployment. Keep in mind there are several people who scammed for unemployment by stealing other people’s identities and now look what happens when someone truly needs it. On top of that, I applied to several jobs since I was fired (over 40 applications submitted), got roughly about 5 or more interviews, and I wasn’t selected for any of them. In addition to this, the car I was using to doordash was stolen and wrecked, and if that wasn’t enough, my account with them was banned due to a mistake that was made when dropping off 2 orders in one drive set (a man complained to them about the first man opening the bag before I corrected the order after he had told me he was still ok with me bringig the order since the food boxes were not open). I also cannot rent through lyft to drive with them because of a mishap that gave me a past due balance of over one thousand dollars that I must pay off before I can rent again. I have not been approved for any other driving apps because apparently my driving record from the past 3 years is ok for some apps and not ok for others (such as instacart and uber eats). The only active income I have is GrubHub, which I pretty much have to have on all day just to get a few orders (very few) (because apparently not many people use it in comparison to doordash (which I can see now that I have delivered with both of them)).
All of that to say, again, when it rains it pours. I have less than 100 dollars to my name, cannot seem to find a way to get any money, and this is all combined with the fact that I screwed over thousands I had saved with this most recent relapse. Learn from my story. I am in a very rough situation and it seems as if nothing is going right financially. For those who have stayed away from gambling/betting/wagering/trading/ whatever you want to call what you know is truly gambling, continue to stay away, and for those of you who are trying to get a start on staying away, start staying away right away, because the sooner the better.
9 February 2022 at 3:10 am #148258jvr3419Participant
I feel for you reading your story. Gambling addiction may not be harmful to our body like substances but it destroys us as human beings just as bad in my opinion. It’s unfortunate that our world revolves around money. That’s all we strive for
anymore as a species is to get that buck to survive. I don’t even think gambling/trading/investing addiction is about the money anymore if it was we wouldn’t be losing it as fast as we do thats for sure. I no for me I definitely did not care about the money it became some form of escape that I could not stop. I wish I could of just escaped in one of those fucking Farmville bs games or something. Lol I probably would of ended up buying all the stupid coins and shit to keep playing though lol. I understand your pain I have lost so much to my relapse as well. I read somewhere people says us gambling addicts are scum of the earth and all the fun label shit. They have no idea that being an addict is truly the most painful thing to live with. We don’t want to be addicts, we get sucked into this sick addiction through shitty brain chemistry/biology and trauma. We literally are just most of the time able bodied humans that are suffering internally. I hope you can be kind to yourself regardless of the damage that’s been done. I get that guilt,shame, and depression that comes with it I’m there myself. But if you can remeber your only a human that maybe was in this addiction surviving the only way you could at the time. I no it was for me. I might of ended up dead if I didn’t have an escape at the time. I was so messed up from trauma that gambling took me away from it. Was it right no but I was surviving the only way I new how in that moment. My brain was making that dopamine it needed or wanted I should say. I think when we end up at the recovery stage is when our brains finally become aware that we’re in that unhealthy survival mode to long. Maybe it’s just me trying to rationalize it but there has to be a reason some of us humans gets hooked on needing that dopamine high from substances or behavior addictions. It’s obvious we are lacking in those chemicals and are in psychological pain. I dont think were pieces of shit I just think were sick and misunderstood. I no this will never be cured but we can keep it a bay by doing the necessary work to stay away from it. Im glad you shared your story I no how hard it is. You will get your life back if you put the work into your recovery.
9 February 2022 at 11:33 am #148269
Really useful words, that “start staying away right away, because the sooner the better”. But I have identified this road to be recovery really bumpy and difficult. I am gambling addict from last 2 years only, and this is my 3rd attempt to be normal. In first attempt I just ruined 10k, second time I ruined 15K, and this time I ruined 50K in addition to the relations/friends/family I lost or about to loose. In all 3 instance, I stopped playing when I run out of money and options to get money from somewhere.
Right now, I am clean for 30 days and paid back 2k this month, which means if I go with this pace it will take me 24 months to be debt free (in addition, I am trying to not take help from anyone this time; so I can feel how bad this addiction is).
I lost trust of my family/Friends/Relatives who helped me during last instance, about to loose my wife and 2 years old daughter. I as a gambler is so helpless, that last time I pledge for my daughter that I will not do anything like this, but this shitty addiction ruined everything again.
I feel so helpless in last 2 years that, I visit online casino, and played only one game on a specific table; I never tried any other game or table. At age of 34 doing this mistake, make me feel cry whenever I am alone at home or anywhere else.
People at GA used to say, that we have to surrender first and we don’t need to try anything fancy or out of box to fix the consequences we are facing because of this addiction. But controlling is the difficult part. I haven’t share with anyone but last 3 days I am feeling finishing myself, but think of my daughter that may be one day I will be normal and can give her future she deserve.
9 February 2022 at 1:01 pm #148272LosingitslowlyParticipant
I feel so sad when I hear the stories of others like you who are at their worst. I can identify with all you say even the part about thinking of ending it all, and I too have a daughter that keeps me from even entertaining the idea. I hold on to the knowledge that I didnt get myself into this in one day and it will take more than one day to get out. Every day, every dollar that you dont put in is a victory. We know that we will end up putting every single cent we have in, so a dollar saved is a victory! If you have paid back two grand, that is great. Don’t look at how long it will take you to get out. Each day I look at the money I still have left, where it is going to go, and the feelings of relief start to replace the panic. It’s a good feeling. I am in a good amount of debt as well and have taken on a second job to try to earn more and keep myself busy. I realize that if I keep all of my income and dont gamble any of it that I will be out of debt a lot quicker. Often we panic about the debt we are in without fully realizing that if we just STOP gambling the situation will rectify itself. Gambling has gotten us in and will keep us in this situation unless we stop. Easy solution if you are not an addict, right? Limit the money that is available to you. Put it into an account that you cant access online. Call credit cards and tell them to freeze your use of them. I reported mine lost so that I cant use them to gamble. If they send you new ones dont activate them right away. Dont even open the envelope. Pay bills as soon as money is in your account so you can’t use it to gamble. We all need help. Help yourself by limiting access to funds until you are stronger. You will get there. Take your sorrow and turn it into anger. Gambling and the places that offer if have ruined the last two years of your life. Take them back. I hope that you stay strong today
9 February 2022 at 11:49 pm #148315
I wanted to write this in response to what your most recent post says. I too have thought about no longer living / no longer being here due to the difficulties gambling has brought me. Another similarity I have with you is that I am also in debt around 100 grand total more or less (to be honest, I’ve probably lost over a million dollars total since I first gambled which was as early as elementary (gambling for very small amounts for fun) (middle school is when I had my first real loss, which was somewhere around 100 dollars). It is an unfortunate addiction because I am not the type to gamble every day or every time I have money, I am the type to relapse every couple of months or maybe once or twice a year but those relapses are costly because I play until I lose every last dollar (many times I have had to use change for gas or food, or of course resorted to borrowing from people, which hurt me because I know they needed that money).
Let me say this though, no amount of money is worth us taking our lives over. If you think about it, we cannot take money with us when we die / go to the grave, so to give it so much value is deceptive in itself. Even if we were to leave a large amount of money for our loved ones for after we pass away, there is no telling what they will do with it or what can happen to it (they can easily lose it to some sort of misfortune, tragedy, mishap, or some other negative happening taking place).
I also wanted to add this. Yes, we may have 50, 100, 200 grand of debt (more or less), but if you think about it, if we quit now and work a decent or good paying job, we can have that paid off technically in a year or two, maybe three, and there are people who are doing prison time for 10, 20 plus years who can’t work a salaried/paid job/career at all.
Even then, money is not worth taking our life over, nothing is, as we are all guaranteed death anyway, so we must do what good we can while we are here.
Lastly, I wanted to reiterate that I thought about not living too as a result of the stresses that came about or worsened due to the gambling losses, but I also realize that God exposed in me that I cared about and praised money more than Him. I also valued trying to be a financial/resource savior for others more than I valued Him, and that is something in me that needs changing (that process may be happening at this very moment). I still have less than 100 dollars to my name at the moment, and ironically, multiple tasks that requires finances have come up, and I have not been able to do them on my own (this made me realize how much I try to refrain from asking others for help), but this has been an opportunity for me to realize that I am putting too much value on something monetary and temporary. Greed and not wanting to work hard or work at all for money has been an issue for me. Anywho, I think both you and I can see better days if we stop the gambling, and start living in more thoughtful, God driven ways. Be well.
10 February 2022 at 9:24 am #148340
Very Thankful to Almighty, that I have bunch of people like you who understand the illness we are facing and enlighten the path we have to follow.
But except this illness, I think my serious problem is lying to my loved ones. I was just 13 years old when I lied to my parents which is going to affect my life, but thanks to God & my Father who saved me from my first career mistake. Than everything goes fine for around 4 years, and than again I started lying about my college academic performance, but by god of grace and little struggle I came out of that very easily.
And, from there onwards Everything goes fine till Dec 2019, and I again started lying my Parents, Partner, and Loved Ones. And this is all about Debt because of my non sense life style & Gambling. The very First time I confessed and open about the illness with them in Feb 2020. Later in Nov 2020, I again started lying to get money and playing but almighty blessed me and I stopped at the time where I and my family can still cope up. In Feb 2021, I confessed and updated about my second instance.
But my current and Third instance, I don’t have guts to confess & I updated a bit about the issue I am in but not clearly opening up each piece of the shit. This time, I fear that if I update the real truth, I will be going loose all which is left with me.
I don’t know what to do, I am doing right or wrong by not telling everyone about everything; but I know there is still a smile left on my loved ones which will be vanished once I update them about my real sufferings.
Almighty please give me strength to cope up with this phase and keep my family intact.
10 February 2022 at 10:14 am #148341
Thank you for your honesty ujju. I too am dealing with the exact same thing. No one in my social circle nor family tree knows that I am currently dealing with a heavy gambling addiction. The ones who did know about it at some point (during times I’ve dealt with it in the past) think I nipped it in the bud long ago, but they don’t know I am still dealing with it now (some may suspect I am dealing with it). I have the same fear, that if I let people in my social circle and family know, some may cut me off, especially the ones who I borrowed money from (they are not aware that I borrowed either due to gambling losses or to gamble).
The person I keep in touch with from Gamblers Anonymous knows. Outside of that, not many people know. I have told some people who I am not close to because at times it is easier to express ourselves to people who are not close to us. Nevertheless, it is hard to share this addiction problem with other people (especially if they have not dealt with this addiction) because many of them may look at you like you are a complete idiot for risking money (or throwing money away) (especially with something where the odds are stacked against you like casino gambling or gambling in general) because money is needed for things like food, a roof over your head, warmth, and other survival necessities / things essential to living a healthy life.
Regardless, I think it is important to find someone or find people to talk to about it so it isn’t lingering in/on you alone. This can be others you are not close to, a counselor or therapist, a Gamblers Anonymous member, someone who has or is also dealing with gambling addiction, etc. And even more importantly, we must express our struggles with this addiction to God (He knows already, but it is important for us to be honest about our sinful addiction and important for us to truly repent, because we not only hurt ourselves when we gamble, we hurt others, we often lie, and we throw away money (almost as if we forget how hard people work for money)). After doing this, we must take the steps and put the effort in to live a gamble free life. The casino, the stock market, or whatever you are doing your gambling through, it has no feelings. It will take your money and allow you to be addicted to it until the day you die. If we are not diligent about staying engaged in the things that help us stay away from gambling (such as prayer, Gamblers Anonymous classes/sessions, keeping our faith strong, connecting with people of God who can help us with this), then we will continue to fall victim to this addiction, and like I said, whatever we are doing our gambling through has no feelings towards us when we lose all of our money there. I wanted to share this because I also deal with being afraid to tell some people about this addiction and am still dealing with refraining from gambling. It has only been 2 days since I last gambled (although it’s important to remember that even if one of us relapses, the clean days we had still count as clean days, but in knowing this, we still need to understand that it literally only takes one relapse with gambling (and other addictions) to destroy several things in your life (it can cause you to start back at 0 or negative financially (some have lost homes and have even taken their life after a gambling relapse))). Nevertheless, we can win this battle and fight off this worldly/adversarial temptation and live a life free from gambling. Others have done it and we can do it too.
10 February 2022 at 2:40 pm #148363
In around 3 hours from now, I will complete 32 days Clean. But last 03 days the Demon Voice is overtaking, and illusion again start coming in the mind. (And, Illusion says try again and just try to win 20-25$ per day, which will help me have food in my plate).
But the God Voice and Inner Strength says, we don’t need to fall prey of this Demon and Illusion. This illusion will always be with me/us; but in last we have to stay away. I am writing this; so i can keep myself at other bay. Bcoz, once I go back the debt hole will become more deep.
At the moment, I just have support of you guys and the inner voice. Almighty please help me, the way you help us to arrange money for playing 🙂
10 February 2022 at 4:19 pm #148365
Hey ujju, you sound like me with many things you are saying. What you said is literally the same thing that caused me to relapse. I told myself I would try to win about fifty dollars a day using a “strategy” that I felt would work most of the time if not all the time.
I told myself that even if the strategy did not work it would not cost me all of my money (but I knew in the back of my head that if I lost using the strategy, my compulsive and addictive personality (when it comes to gambling) would probably chase those losses and lose more).
Well, it happened, not only did my strategy not work, it didn’t work multiple times. In addition to that, I wasn’t able to walk away like I told myself to after losing using the strategy. I ended up chasing those losses. Trying to win fifty dollars each trip to the casino actually costed me thousands and has me with less than one hundred dollars to my name currently.
Don’t do it, it is the adversary trying to lure you in. No matter how good the strategy seems, it is not lose proof, because the casino and gambling games were designed to not be able to be beat by a strategy. Anything you can think of (even losing several hands/bets in a row) when it comes to a strategy not working can happen.
I had people from Gamblers Anonymous (years ago) mention systems/strategies not working, yet I still didn’t listen and I thought my strategies would work. Save yourself the trouble, pain, headaches, and funds and don’t be lured into trying the strategy. There is definitely other ways to make twenty dollars (or more) a day like some sort of job or tasks where the money will be for sure. Yes, it won’t be as easy, but it won’t be gambling (and it won’t encourage laziness and more laziness (which is another robber of a quality life)).
10 February 2022 at 6:57 pm #148377kostas42Participant
feel you and I understand you. I also work with the same way of thinking we have to understand Kimi we are addicted to gambling we are very different compared to normal people our mind can not enjoy gambling and see it as just a pleasure but it is compulsion stress stress bad mood even psychosomatic symptoms that will follow after our year of dealing with this thing. The basic secret to remember is not just to gamble for a month or a year or 5 years. we have to understand that in our whole life we will have this problem and we have to learn to face it in our whole life. as time goes by and we do not play and we are clean or our desire for the animal will diminish we will reach a point where we will believe that even if we happen to play once we will not suffer anything. and yet this is the biggest mistake that once we play even after five years we have not played at all i know it will be enough to lead us to disaster again. the result will be to become who we once were.
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