17 August 2012 at 8:35 pm #12168jaysonParticipant
Hi my name is jason i am a cg my last bet was 2nd august 2012.
Angry for gambling for so long,Angry for being stupid,Angry of the dessisons ive made, Angry knowing i had everything and then angry i have nothing.
Dissapointed i cannot seem to help myself, Dissapointed i dont listen, dissapointed i have’nt learnt,Dissapointed of my life.
Failure as i gambled.
Everything in my life has revolved around money, for those who do not know me im self employed in the retail trade, my view is money makes money, money=power.
I have been told many times how i am a genius,im to humble to accept this, all i know is that im good at what i do,the ideas to make money come natually to me, just today i had another idea which i know would be a good earner, but whats the point ?
In regards to an earlier post by me in the search for my lost umphhh….I never lost it, rather im afraid to use that umph to be successfull, knowing where it has lead me in the past.
Catch 22 if i change me i change my thinking, if i dont change me i continue to think the same.
Im angry at everything, i’m sick and tired now to old to grey to nakerd.
The guy who had these ideas is now a washed up old failure, who has wasted his life.
Self-Pity probably, but to me its about struggleing to let go of what could have been.
And why the past still haunts me i cannot move forward,everyone still expects that magic i so often produced, and in reality i still produce it, just not reveal it to anyone, as i know if i put them into pratice my life would continue in the same way as before.
So imagine a mind full of ideas, and a person to scared to follow through with them, thats a messy mind !
I’m angry my daughter lives so far away from me, and carnt be the dad she deserves.
I’m angry in a weeks time my partner is off work, and carnt afford a holiday.
I’m angry im getting a credit card to go on holiday.
I’m angry my old dog is not well and im unable to do anything for her.
So thats me right now in reality, Lifes a bitch i caused it i have to live with it.
Everyday i have to wake knowing i dont see my daughter and everynight i goto bed knowing i didnt tuck her in to her bed, this is my punishment for wasting my life and causeing upset in everyone elses.
So for me i have good reason to be angry at myself, at others for winding me up and at the people who really push my buttoms with ridiculas remarks.
I’d appreciate someone to define self-pity and anger, cause at the moment i dont feel self pity, im certainly not depressed befor sum1 says i am…..just ANGRY at life.
Have a good weekend boys and girls.
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