4 November 2017 at 3:55 am #6014daddaParticipant
Hi. I decided to start a new post because I have no real use for rehashing the past; I’ve learned that my marriage was a lie (on one side) for most if not the entire time and it has cost me dearly.
I think the last time I posted I was trying to deal with “post divorce” issues. Well, here it is, a little over seven years since he wanted his divorce and everything … and I finally discovered the gambling addiction. It’s been three years after the court threw me to the street with nothing after he and his relatives successfully defrauded me.
Since I kept having my car break down, I had ended up losing my job(s) before being thrown out. Shortly after finally finding a place to live, my bank account was seized. It happened again after that, too. It took me about six months or so to find the information I needed to help me keep that from happening (it wasn’t supposed to happen to begin with, but the bank gets $20 every time they “deal with such” so apparently, they have a stake in not providing the information). I ended up having to go to the emergency room a couple times for dental infections and of course, since that is not how I usually deal with dental care, I asked to see a social worker the second time. I was given a useless list of “resources”. I ended up doing more research and found a story about a dentist program where people could get some dental care in exchange for community service. Well, I went back to the hospital and to the actual social work department and one of the professionals there did actually get me set up with a dentist. I had seven to nine teeth pulled (it was 2009 last time I was able to go to my dentist; at that time I was working through a list of fillings but wasn’t in need of extractions. I’d been tolerating the pain since probably 2011 with gel medication and grit, until it was obvious I had an infection).
So, last year, my former divorce attorney called me in to court (a 100 mile round-trip) as she wanted her money. I again had to do a lot of research and learned that I probably wasn’t obligated to pay in the circumstances. So I made the trip and ended up having to go back again and again. I missed a hearing because of an error in paperwork, got charged with contempt. The whole thing culminated in a bench warrant for my arrest being issued (which, technically and legally speaking should NEVER have happened, as the Appellate court ruled on such in 2010 … even forcing me to come back, over and over, was not correct) which would have forced me to come up with nearly $4,000 to get out (had I been picked up). THAT just got taken care of and I did receive some help or God only knows what would have happened to me.
But I am sitting here, having all sorts of things come up and as far as getting a job … yeah, that would be nice. I learned I had several judgments against me and if I start working, I have to be careful how I cash checks etc. I can’t file bankruptcy because I don’t have money for filing fees even on extended payment (Court allows three months). I don’t qualify for a waiver.
I’m stressed, exhausted, but I’m also angry and anxious. I didn’t create this situation, I’m not the one doing unlawful or unconstitutional things nor am I the one who filed for a divorce without being willing (and actually being determined to flout) to carry out the responsibilities of getting one.
My driver’s license is also suspended; I got stopped when I was thrown out by the court for having my exhaust dragging (I had to keep tying the pipe up) and having no PROOF of insurance (always insured). When I was able to get to the appropriate court within the legal time-frame for getting the default conviction “erased”, I was told I could “deal with the collection agency” and if I didn’t leave, I’d be arrested. There really isn’t any “pro bono” that I know of for something like that, because a ticket is like (technically) a “criminal” matter. And even though I have a general idea of what needs to happen, I’m not sure how the paperwork needs to be filed. Or what papers to attach (if any). So things are pretty stressful, still.
I don’t have any contact with PG, since he and his married nurse girlfriend chased me down right after the eviction and, when I pulled over out of courtesy to let the traffic behind me pass … asked me how it “felt to be put out on your a**.
There are no Gambler’s anonymous within 100 miles and I don’t know that would help me (much) as I never was “enabling” and that fact seems to be the crux of why I was “gotten rid of” the first time 1998. I’ve contacted most every legislator, agency, media but apparently this disaster is “mine” to deal with. So I’m asking for suggestions … the only other things I can see helping within a reasonable time-frame being death or crime … neither appeals … but I am totally exhausted much of the time.
I need to get through and past this, but physically and emotionally, I’m about at the end. Therapy isn’t much help, because I can’t get onto any solid ground from which I might recover (which I had in past, before I went back and ignorant of the true state of affairs). I keep getting hit with things I can’t necessarily even anticipate, and a lot of them aren’t even supposed to be “possible” (legally speaking). I also have to get through and past because my younger daughter is having a lot of difficulty and I don’t have much in the way of emotional fortitude to be there in the way that is needed. I tried to get her into therapy in past, but it is hard to find “good” counselors … and the last one (a previous instructor at the college I’d attended) apparently made some completely inappropriate remarks that she didn’t mention until much later (and of course, she didn’t continue there or anywhere after). Thanks for any suggestions or encouragement. Hoping one time to be able to come around and have something positive to report.4 November 2017 at 12:28 pm #6015velvetModerator
I am very sorry to hear you problems have continued but I am sorry to say they still do not come under the remit of this site.
Your issues are, as you so rightly said; ‘post divorce’ issues and they are not connected per se to the addiction to gamble.
I sincerely hope that one day soon you will have a more positive outlook on life. Have you tried your local church or a citizen’s advice unit? I don’t think you need solid ground on which to start a recovery – therapists are aware that those who are in need are very often without any solid base from which to launch their recovery.
I wish we could be of more help but although your circumstances probably started with a problem years ago that was gambling related, I cannot see what advice or substantial support we can give you for your present difficulties.
I wish you well
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