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My mother introduced me to gambling when I first turned 18. She is a slot gambler and I would just go with her to keep her company. I’d watch her and follow her around for hours. My reward was free meal and money at the end of the day/night. She’s give me $20-40 each time I accompanied her. For two years, I didn’t play, but rather just follow her around.
Then one day, she asked my boyfriend to drive her. So of course I went too. That’s when the trouble began. My mother went off to explore on her own while I followed the boyfriend around. He and I quickly learned the game of blackjack and won a few hundred bucks. We got hooked quickly! We continued to go back without my mom. After we got tired of blackjack, we learned other carnival card games: three card poker, four card poker, let it ride, ultimate texas hold ’em, pai gow, and even baccarat, basically all the card games.
When I was 20, the casino raised the age limit to 21. My boyfriend and I both stopped gambling because we couldn’t. Then we both turned 21 and it was the casino almost every day. We lived on almost no sleep. My boyfriend and I both gambled away my college loans the day I got it. I didn’t want him to be "mad" at me so I gave it up and we wasted it away. He’d be so upset at me until my bank accout and his were empty. So that’s how I emptied my bank account and my bank account has been pretty much empty for eight years.
It used to be that I only gambled when I was accompanied with him or friends. I told myself I would be a "gambleholic" if I had gone to the casino alone and I didn’t want to go alone. Through the years, the boyfriend and I got married. We have two beautiful kids right now, a daughter, 2 years old and a son, 2 months old. My now, husband, introduced me to card rooms when my daughter was 1. At first, I didn’t like it. It wasn’t as "glamorous" as casinos. It was rather dark and dreary.
One day in 2010, I don’t even remember what tempted me to go to the card room alone, except that it was just a few blocks from where I live… Anyway, I went in for a few hundred and made over a grand. I was so happy. It was my little secret. I returned twice and made over a grand both those times. I was beginning to think "easy money." I kept returning and I kept losing. I never made as nearly as much again. Instead, I came home empty handed. Then the chase began. I was no longer obssessed with making money, but rather chasing money. To get back all that I have lost, and that by the way, is a paycheck and a half a month! It has been about 2 years and that’s how much I’ve spent: a paycheck and a half a month and more (from loans and credit cards). I make about 40,000 a year. I spend about 30.000 a year on gambling and living on about 10,000 a year. That 10,000 goes towards my half my rent and car payments and nothing else. Loans and credit cards account for my food and gas for living expenses each pay day.
I didn’t know how to look at my daughter. Now, I don’t know how to look at my son. I don’t even know how to look at my husband. He finally found out I had been gambling when my car was repossessed 2 months ago. He had no clue before then. –And yet… I am still chasing. I just lost another paycheck last night, and I just got paid. How I am going to live until the next pay day, I don’t even know. I just want to die right now. I’m the worst mom and wife ever. That’s how I feel every time I gamble, but I don’t know how to stop. I hope this site will help me.

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