[simon77]

I wanted to start another thread to mark this attempt at abstinence. I haven’t had a great few weeks with my gambling and have lost more money than I ever have. I’m in some serious debt and will need to be working hard and out of trouble for a good few months before my finances are anywhere near normal again.
I’m really angry with myself for getting myself in this position. Just a few months ago life was looking great for me. I just had my first child and was 6 months off gambling. I then rather stupidly took up a free month on a horse racing tip service. The rest is history as they say and I now have a horse shaped hole in my finances.
I want to be a good dad and partner but have spent the last few weeks gambling money I haven’t even earnt yet. If I could bottle the feeling I had when I lost my last bet last week and feel it every time I feel like gambling I reckon I would be half way to never gambling again. The problem is i can still feel the thrill of the Winning streak and the fantasy that I might win it all back in a single afternoon. I don’t know which is the biggest fantasy, me winning or me being able to keep hold of it long enough to touch it before I gambled it all again. Im a walking money shredder and need to take time out and create some distance between me and the bookies.
Anyway, I referred myself to a gambling clinic in London. They’ve got a 8 week waiting list and I know I will need a lot of support to make it to the assessment gambling free. Ive taken all the usual steps and have next to no access to money at the moment.
The stress is messing my sleep up and I can’t remember the last morning I woke up without thinking of gambling. I hate myself for stifling all my creative thoughts and feelings and filling my head with odds and information about horses. I’ve even though about starting my own lay service on a premium telephone line but this would only keep me hooked into the industry I know I can be no part of anymore.
I just need to stop before I do any more damage and destroy my life. I can handle a rough few months while I get over this relapse but I can’t keep bouncing back. Enough is enough, I’ve done 25 years as a compulsive gambler which about 3/4 of my life. I need to balance the books a take some time out.
I will keep posting as the days go by.
Simon

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