1 January 2013 at 11:01 pm #11766jess2013Participant
So I first realised I had a problem with gambling 5 or 6 years ago and 4 years ago after a lot of hard work and therapy I managed to stop.Then last summer I was very low and ended up gambling, as I hadnt done it for so long I thought I could handle it this time around, but I havent been able to.
I feel so ashamed with myself for taking such a massive step back after being able to stop for so long. I feel like I have lost my own will again and a prisoner to this addication all over again. The last 2 nights I have even been dreaming about gambling – Big wins of course!
So now I need to man up and admit I am in the grips of this addiction again, reinstall gambling blockers etc and change my routines. But this time round I feel so much more of a failure than I ever have done before 🙁1 January 2013 at 11:25 pm #11767razzabelleParticipant
Dear Jess, I am new here and I am SO Proud of your past success in fighting this disease. We are all only human doing the best we can day to day. It is all we can do. You went for YEARS being well:) Big Hugs on that. So you had a setback? So did I and apparently many others. In fact EVERYONE I have listened and that has offered me support has had setbacks in their individual recovery. I LOVE this place. No judgements; No I told you so; just a warm blanket of understanding and support in this fight. As I continue to state; this disease is unrelenting. I compare it to the "Devil" the personification of evil. It takes, takes, takes, sucking the lifes blood from our being. I have been shamed, suicidal, SO HUNGRY, lol I am presently eating dinner from a box of dry cereal because with 28 $ to my name until Friday, I cannot afford milk. This is an insane disease. I have sold off family heirlooms that are priceless just for one more pull. I too dream of the slot machines EVERY single night, of course I am always hitting jackpot in these dream….just as you….PLEASE don’t beat yourself up for your relapse. The more I read here, I feel SUCH understanding. Only a fellow CG can UNDERSTAND. YOU HAVE Kicked this disease in the behind once before. YOU WILL DO IT AGAIN! and in the process, become a real :winner! Prayers and Love from PA tonight……Love, Razzabelle xxxxxYou Get What You Give2 January 2013 at 3:32 am #11768bettieParticipant
It is hard to understand this illiness of compulsive gambling. How do you go back after 4 years-the answer is not as hard as it seems. Those "low" feelings-those "root" causes-those hurts- once apon a time we could go blow off steam at the casino and feel better.
This time last year i had 16 months "clean" and threw it away because I decited I was just kidding myself, I didn’t deserve recovery-I deserved all the pain I could get and the fastest way to get it was a return to gambling.
You know what worked before and now you know what to "tweek" . Even with years of freedom from the bet there are certain barriers we all need. We are CG’s for life-even when we haven’t gambeled for a long time.
Jess beating yourself up will not change a thing. Been there done that!
Congrats on the choise you make today to rejoin your recovery. It’s there still-waiting for us all.
bettie5 January 2013 at 7:21 pm #11769maverick.Participant
Hi Jess, I am a compulsive gambler, I know when I gamble I am doing wrong and it can only lead to one place, I know what I need to do, I know what I shouldn’t do, but in all honesty at ***** in my life depending on how I feel I will feel the need to gamble, there is no excuse to gamble as I honestly know I shouldn’t but more important I know where it leads to, I know for me it is not a “well maybe” or a “I might” I have been there thousands of ***** before and it always leads to a “what the **** have I done” sorry I don’t usually use those sort of sayings but I am being honest and so very truthful, I am not telling you this for your benefit because I know you know I am saying it for my benefit, you know what worked for you when you where gamble free so just get back to that, I know how it feels after slipping when having a good stint in recovery but don’t beat yourself up because after all we are all the same distance away from our next bet and I know just like you we can only ever beat this addiction one day at a time, stay strong and wish you well, all the very best love Maverick.
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