Gambling Therapy logo
Viewing 2,237 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #21686
      kathryn
      Participant
    • #21687
      kathryn
      Participant

      How funny is that, i post a new thread and dont write anything…..sorry i had to get off in a hurry.  So, i went to a g.a. meeting last night. It was good, i felt better when i left than when i walked in.  I just need the extra help so im taking it.  Told my husband and he said he would support me any way he can….and if youve read my last posts youll know that he loves gambling so not only was i surprised (to say the least) but happy in the knowledge that hopefully he wont sabotage me and vice versa. Anyway ill elaborate later, just wanted to pop in a quick post.One day at a time

    • #21688
      kathryn
      Participant

      Everyone has gone to bed and i finally have the computer to myself…..time to post.
      The last 3 days have been very busy for me… As i posted earlier, i went to a g.a. meeting on Friday night, the first for many, many years.  I cried all the way there.  I nearly turned the car around… but i didnt.  I walked in the door.  It was one of the hardest things i have ever done.  I was proud of myself… I just told my husband that i was going, that i NEEDED to go.  Things were getting out of hand and i needed to do this….for me.
      He told me he was happy for me.  As i stated, i nearly dropped dead.  I think he realised that im serious this time.  I made the decision, not after i had been caught, not after i had no choice, not for anyone else so it looked like i was doing something, i made the decision for ME.  The meeting was very interesting, the concept was basically the same as last time i went.  There were a few more people there, faces i didnt know.  You see, last time i went to g.a. my sister was there.  Its very difficult to tell a stranger your innermost demons, let alone your sister.  I felt stronger when i left.  I can only go once a fortnight due to work but its a commitment im making to myself.
      The other thing i did was tell my best friend.  I tell her everything, it took me 2 days to tell her i went to the meeting and im in recovery.  She was shocked, saddened(that i didnt tell her earlier) and proud all at once. She will be a great support to me and im very lucky to have her in my life.  I also told my daughter, she is 18 on Tuesday (its Sunday now) and she was proud of me.  I always promised her when she was younger that if Britney Spears every toured here i would take her. Well guess what, shes keeping me to my promise…..she is doing year 12 (final year) and the concert falls in her exams in November.  So I have decided that we are going to see Britney Spears in Sydney, after her exams (im near Melbourne).  We are going to fly to Sydney, have the weekend there and go see Britney.  That is a real goal for me.  I have about a month to save for the concert tickets, the rest I can worry about later. 
      Im pretty excited.  I have neglected this girl for most of her life.  Its time i do something for her.  She is an amazing person and she was forced to grow up very young (my doing). I am amazed that she turned out to be such a loving, kind, caring, funny young woman. (Not to mention drop dead gorgeous!!!) She is my only daughter and ive been missing out big time…
      Im taking a big step in my recovery tomorrow.  Im going to the venue i have spent half my life in and im going to self exclude.  Im going to call in the morning and find out what i have to do then im going to do it.  Its time to get serious people… i have to prove to myself im doing everything possible to aid my recovery.  Im looking towards the future now, i have too much to live for, and i dont want to miss out anymore.
      Sorry this was so long, i needed to get it out.  Thank you to everyone for your support… its helping me more than you know, i thank god for this site everyday.  Kathryn
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21689
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kat,  Congratulations on your success.  I am so happy for you and I can see you are happy for yourself.  You know, it is up to us to make the decision to quit.  Our loved ones can yell at us and get angry all they want but when it comes right down to it, we have to have that epiphany within ourselves to know and understand the "why’s" of stopping the insanity.  Great job!
      One of your rewards is going to see Britney Spears with your daughter and spending such valuable, quality time together, doing something you both love.  You know, my granddaughter went to see Britney Spears too.  Her mother took her and she loved it.  She is such a great performer and you guys will have a blast. 
      I cried too at my first GA meeting.   I was brave and stood tall when I first went into the room but when it was my time to tell my story, I could hardly get it out.  The tears that I held back for so long, came rushing out.  It was very cleansing for me.  I did finally get it all out and was told that most people do cry at the beginning.  If it helps, keep going. 
      Take care and keep posting.  Danielle

    • #21690
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks for your post Danielle, it just reinforced me to do something i know ive had to do for many years…..Self exclude.
      I rang my nearest venue (1 minute away) and a lady i know there answered the phone. I told her i wanted to self exclude and she told me they do it there so i told her i was coming RIGHT NOW!!! And i did.  She took me into an office and explained it all to me, how it works, what happens etc… Anyway i told her i wanted to go ahead with it. She is ringing the people and then theyll ring me to organise a time to see them. I have to have my mug taken and fill out some forms and they are sent to the venues i nominate…which will be all of them.
      What a relief…i have taken what i believe to be the most important step for me.  I just want it done now so i dont have to think about it anymore.  I feel like the choice will be removed.  Words cannot describe the emotions im feeling, i guess im a little sad, at the end of the day i have loved those machines even though they bring me nothing but grief.  Its time to delve into my spirit and deal with the real emotions that drive me to gamble.
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21691
      marilee
      Participant

      Kathryn….congratulations on taking a brilliant step in self-excluding.  That was the one thing that allowed me to stay gamble-free.  As much as I wanted to go, I couldn’t.  I know that I could go to some extraordinary lengths to gamble, but I don’t want to.  Being lazy pays off!  I hope this turns out to be the best step you take.  You should indeed be proud of yourself for facing your demons.  The secrets keep us sick.  Stay strong, I wish you the best in your fight.

    • #21692
      kathryn
      Participant

      Just wanted to let you all know, i have an appointment to self exclude tomorrow at 9.15am.  How wierd is this…..when the woman rang me to make the appointment she said she wanted to have it at the venue where i spent all my time.  I really dont think she is a c.g. obviously if she was she would realise how difficult it is for us to go to a venue and not gamble!!!! Anyway, im very tired from work….will post tomorrow when the deed is done. In reality i dont really care where the meeting is….just get me there and get it done!!!! Wish me luck
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21693
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kat,  Glad you made the decision to self-exclude.  For me, it was the best thing I could had done for myself.  I have a different mind set now.  I can’t go because they will throw me out, fine me, maybe even arrest me.  I have too much pride for that.  I hope this step will be just what you need to stop.  Take care and I wish you well.  Danielle

    • #21694
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn…. I know you will be just fine.  Let us know how it goes.  You are doing great! ………..nANCYEveryday we makes choices…..Make your choice today a good one………..

    • #21695
      colin in brum
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, well done!!  this threads only been running a few days and you’ve got to GA, told the people around you who need to know/can help support you and taken the steps to get excluded.  Really positive steps.  When you go to get excluded don’t take any money with you!  Then it won’t mateter where you are when you fill the forms out.  You are showing great determination and taking the tough steps that are needed.  Keep posting.

    • #21696
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well…….I BLOODY WELL DID IT!!!!! I am a bit beside myself at the moment, i feel as if the weight has been lifted in terms of the temptation.
      It took about an hour, i had a lovely man helping me and i am so glad its done. My girlfriend (whose house i went as soon as it was over) could not believe how calm i seemed. And I am. I KNOW i have done exactly the right thing for me. Words cant describe how proud of myself i am.  I cant wait to tell my husband when he gets home tonight from work. 
      Another milestone today….my beautiful daughter is 18. Happy Birthday Bub!!!! We are going out for a family dinner tonight to celebrate.  Shes as dramatic as i am and has been having a fit for a week shes so excited.  We bought her a watch and had it engraved and she loved it.  Mind you, im buggered as we were up at 5.30am!  I also bought her an Edward Cullen action figure. Anyone whos read or seen Twilight will know what i mean. Anyway, im looking forward to dinner (i already know what im having and its only 12.00!) My mum, stepdad and sister are also coming so it will be great to see them too.  I feel this is the start of my new life, gamble free.  Thank you all for your support, it keeps my spirits up and gives me hope.  KathrynFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21697
      marilee
      Participant

      Congratulations Kathryn.  There are days when you will curse having self-excluded, days when you wonder if you could just go back and have them rip the paper up, days when you think you will go mad.  Here’s the trick…these days will come and they will GO.  My experience when going to my favourite casino to self-exclude was a very positive one.  I did not feel judged in any way, and I felt like the staff there were supporting ME.  So good on ‘ya, may today be your birthday as well – emerging from the dark shadows of a hell I wish you had never known. 

    • #21698
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks marilee, i had a positive experience too. I know the manager at the venue and she was wonderful.  Said i had made a brave step.  She also said i was one of thousands to self exclude. I know its awful but i have to say that made me feel better too.  I wonder who the brave, brave person was who was the first ever???? I am using this as a birthday too, ill never forget it.  But as always, i face this demon day by day.  Thats all we can do.Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21699
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi kat,  Glad your feeling so good.  What a relief it must be to be on this path.  There will be downs too, so don’t let them sway you.  Keep staying strong, one day at a time.  Before you know it, it will be second nature to you.   Danielle

    • #21700
      howanan
      Participant

      Good for you…………..NancyEveryday we makes choices…..Make your choice today a good one………..

    • #21701
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well i had a good day today…I was home with my youngest (hes 5) and hes great company.   We went visiting my mum, did some housework, he loves to help and then i babysat my friends 2 foster children. They are 2 and 1 and can be quite a handfull.  They were so good, i sat out in my back room with them and they played and played. Then my daughter came home from school early and went and had her brows waxed for the big party on Sat. night.  Then i went to work….
      It was pretty busy tonight, i work in aged care, dementia specific and my residents are gorgeous. They are so funny, they love to laugh and i love laughing with them.  Im always dancing and singing and they love it.  They clap and cheer and get up and dance with me.  Its a real joy some days.
      Im still feeling very positive about my self exclusion….im a bit scared of whats going to happen when this feeling wears off… i know its day by day but i cant help but wonder whats going to happen when a massive urge comes over me.  Well, at least i know i cant go to a venue without getting the tap on the shoulder…
      I want to give a special mention to ray…hes given me a great laugh today and i really needed it so thank you… im still laughing now.
      Well i hope everyone is well and happy, I know i have been today.
       KathrynFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21702
      howanan
      Participant

      Kath,  When the urge comes, and it will come, remember how you felt when you left the casino.  Remember how much you hated yourself and how you felt you let your children down.  Remember it is impossible to win and you can’t afford to loose anymore money.  Then take the kids out for a little treat.  By the time you ALL get back, the urges will be gone.  Do not go out by yourself though.  Remember, one day at a time…………NancyEveryday we makes choices…..Make your choice today a good one………..

    • #21703
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks Nancy, great advice.. its not really that hard is it, to find something to do.  Im just so used to going to the venue when the urge gets me ive never thought about what to fill the time with.  How ridiculous that i dont know what to do with myself.  Anyway, im heeding your advice, havent really had a big urge yet but i know i will.  KathrynFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21704
      raymeaux
      Participant

      Ok Kathryn,
      Grits are a the by-product of grinding corn into meal.  When the corn is ground, it is passed through a screen…the stuff that sifts through the screen is corn meal…the stuff that doesn’t = grits.  I guess because it’s too "gritty" to be corn meal.  This co**** corn meal is used to make a "porridge-like" substance.  I’m not a big grits fan…which I think is heresy in the South, but there it is.
      Now, one for you…after reading your thread…what is a fortnight?  I thought fortnight went out of vogue years (many fortnights?) ago.  People still use that as a measurement of time?  I could look it up, but I’ll let you tell me what it is.
      Ray

    • #21705
      kimkoziel
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
        I wanted to share with u my experience with self exclution. It worked for me for awhile until I recieved some coupons in the mail for a casino close by.. I fell off the wagon hard and binged for a few weeks until I had my breakdown and came here.. I called the place that sent me the coupons after a night of hard gambling and asked them why I was sent the coupons and why no one caught me gambling there.. Their response was priceless…" We wont be able to locate you If you do not use your players card, We would of caught it if you hit a taxable"  I was shocked. This is the same place one year pryor that I had my picture taken at and signed forms pledging to never return again… and there I was. I will say that the self exclusion helps tremendously but Is not a "fool proof" plan. It is ultimatly up to you and me to make the right decision. It feels fantastic in the end. I enjoy reading your posts.. Keep up the good work! Best of luck in your recovery!
         10 days clean"Fight the good fight"

    • #21706
      kathryn
      Participant

      I thought id do a bit of reflection on my day today (day7)
      I got to have a bit of a sleep in this morning…my husband doesnt have any work till Monday so he was home to help with the kids.  Its a catch 22, i get a sleep in but then have to put up with him wandering around all day looking for something to do (it drives me mad)
      Anyway, he did wash my car for me which was nice. At 12 i had to take my baby to kindergarten and i asked him to check the water and oil for me ( i can do it but why do it when he could???) So he checks the water and oil and puts the bonnet down and then proceeds to go beserk because there are scratches on the bonnet (brand new car last year) I assume the kids have done it, its been there for a while but im not too worried…its a car RIGHT????
      So after his little tantrum i am WILD.  I take H to kindergarten and i have to go to the city to get some grog and munchies for my daughters party on Saturday night.  So as im driving in i hear the little voice in my head. I start saying aloud ‘trigger, trigger, trigger’ . The anger was bringing on the urge.  All i kept thinking was…im excluded, i cant go, they will throw me out.  I didnt go,  i went and got what i needed and came home.
      I made a big discovery today, not only was anger my trigger, but i realised i gambled to spite my husband.  The old ‘look what i can do to hurt you’, ‘im spending all our money’. How ridiculous…. i know what the outcome is going to be.  He’s not going to feel sick about it cause he wont know…im the one nearly throwing up, trying to work out how we are going to get through the week with no money! Thank god i self excluded, the angel on my shoulder is louder than the devil on the other one. 
      I dont ever want to have the embaressment of being kicked out.  I dont ever want to have that sick feeling in my stomach again, knowing we are broke.  Anyway, i passed the first test.  I know theyll be more but it was good pulling up in my driveway knowing we still had money.Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21707
      howanan
      Participant

      Good for you.  The urges do get easier.  You did recognize a trigger and next time you will be more aware.  Remember we must never let our guard down.  I did after 40 days and slipped.  This time I too am aware and on guard… NancyEveryday we makes choices…..Make your choice today a good one………..

    • #21708
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well here i am on day 8…
      I have done a bad thing today…i took a sickie from work, now before you go tsk,tsk, ill tell you why.
      My daughters birthday party is tomorrow night and i was supposed to work tonight and im working all weekend 7am-3pm.  We are having the party in our back room, its like a built in decking…. so tonight my girlfriend is coming over and we are going to decorate it for tomorrow night, you have no idea the stuff we have!!!!
      I also need to do an embaressing photo board for her, you know all the nude shots!!!!
      Im sitting in this back room which is usually full of the boys toys and everything that doesnt fit in the house and im trying to clean it up.  I also have to clean the fish tank…i cant believe the poor buggers are still alive!!!
      So im not coping, i feel i have so much to do that i cant do anything!!! you know the feeling of being overwhelmed? I just go into meltdown.  Calm down Kathryn…..So i thought id get on and write a post and take a minute. 
      I dont want my daughter to be paniking tomorrow that the room is not done and we have to rush it when i get home from work. And i must say, i only feel a little bit guilty about the sick day, i havent had one for a very long time.  I did get the hubby to ring and say i had a migraine, god i hope karma doesnt come and bite me in the backside.
      Anyway, im feeling a bit better now, im not even worried about the gambling today, i dont think my mind can cram it in with all the other stuff i have to do. My bestie is making the cake, shes doing a high heel shoe, my daughter has about 30 pairs of them so i cant wait to see it.  It should be a fun night.  Anyway, im going, ill just do one thing at a time, mind you, ive got ALL day!!!!! Im such a drama queen!!!!! Hope you are all having a good day.  Ill let you know how the party goes.  Bye for now, KathrynFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21709
      videopoker_idiot
      Participant

       Just make all about you and recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whatever else happens isnt your fault!!!!
       VPI

    • #21710
      jamie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I have just been catching up on your thread. Absolutely delighted for you. I think it s brilliant that you had the guts and courage to go and self-exclude. A huge step and one you should be very proud of. I know there can be negative things about self-excluding but you focus on the positive. If it gives you something to think about when you have an urge(as it already has) then the time delay should help you think about what you might potentially be doing (as it already has!)
      I know you said in your last post about phoning in sick and feeling down. You have a big party to organise. That is stressful. You will have stresses in life. Hey, that’s life! But you haven’t gambled. Just felt a bit down! Great progress. Before you would have thought "Bugger this! I’m off!" Well done! Recognise stress for what it is! Stress! I used to gamble because I was stressed. Did it ease the stress? No! Made it a million times worse! Well done for getting of that stress merry-go-round!
      Take care!
      Hopefully talk to you soon!
      Jamie
       

    • #21711
      irish caroline
      Participant

      hello,
      from your post it sounds you are doing really great, well done sister!!!
      how do you feel? i hope you proud of how you are doing, you are giving me such hope for my friend too.
      one day at a time, and thats the route for every lifetime!!!
      C
       

    • #21712
      davlen
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn.
      how great it is to read how many barriers you have put in place to help you fight this terrible addiction!
      you should rightly be so proud of yourself. self exclution and telling people close to you are so important in that it will give you the support you need. i may have missed it tho do you still control your own finances? is it possible to give you husband control of this for a while?
      you’ve done great. please keep posting and reading.
      Regards Dave

    • #21713
      marilee
      Participant

      Hi Kat…it was my daughter’s birthday yesterday (the 19th) and even though it was smaller, I was still frantic at running around like a chicken with my head cut off (gruesome saying), getting cake, card, gifts, invitations, reservations etc.  Her father stands there like a nit with his chequebook out.  Anyways, I’ve survived another year.  I was surprisingly sad this year, she became a teenager and it hit me pretty hard.  She is my one and only, a blessing in my life, and I’m suffering from the "don’t grow up and leave me" blues.  Anyways, hope you are now resting.
      You are doing so well my dear.  Don’t ever be afraid of what is to come.  We only get to live this life one day at a time.  I’m glad you recognized that your anger is a trigger.  There isn’t an emotion in the book that isn’t a trigger for me!  Happy, sad, elated, depressed, angry….you name it, they all became a reason for me to gamble.  Congratulations, I’m behind you rooting for your success!

    • #21714
      kathryn
      Participant

      So hooray for me, im double figures…10 days.
      I worked all weekend and when i got home i was reading the local papers sunday magazine.. i read my stars and nearly died.  For all you Virgo gamblers out there, just listen to this…..
      You’re doing what needs to be done.  Much to your surprise, its almost working.  You’re nervous of course.  You never thought you’d do what you’re doing; you imagined it would always be something to dream of.  Now the fantasy is becoming a reality.  Life is getting intense- not least because so much is changing so quickly.  You fear it could all go awry at any moment.  That’s not going to happen.  This week’s solace is exceedingly encouraging, so relax.  Prepare for the future…HOW COOL IS THAT!!!
      Now im not normally supersticious, but that was pretty amazing i thought.  I know we can read it into any part of our life but im taking it as a sign, and a good one.
      By the way, the party was a huge hit, the girls had a great time (i did have issues with the pizza shop though).
      Marilee, this is for you…. my friend and i took the girls into the city for Breas first night out as an adult.  When we dropped them off i got out of the car and gave her a hug and then  had to watch her walk away.  I have never been so sad, proud and jealous (she looked unbelievable!!!) all at once.  Treasure yours while shes this age, i cant believe the time went so quickly and to think i was a gambling freak and missed so much of her life.
      You have the opportunity to make her teenage years ones of great joy both for you and your daughter. Dont forget to talk to her about everything (i mean everything) and you will have a wonderful relationship where she will tell you everything ( mine does) Im just glad now ill be here more to listen to her.
      Have a great day everyone, KathrynFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21715
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, your daughter’s 18th birthday brings back memories.  My youngest is 29 next month and it seems like yesterday that she turned 18.  I babysat her 1 year old and 3 year old the last two weekends and wonder where all the time went.  I am so happy that I could ‘be in the moment’ with my beautiful granddaughters and not rushing in to babysit after being in the casino all afternoon, or tired from gambling the night before or planning on gambling when the kids got back.  Gambling robs us of our family life. I am so happy you got to be 100% there for your daughter on her special birthday!
      Great horiscope….relax and prepare for a GREAT future.

    • #21716
      linnie44
      Participant

      Well done Kathry, proud of you!   I am enjoying your posts too, you are helping so many as well as yourself!
      Hugs *life is good

    • #21717
      jamie
      Participant

      Well Done Kathryn!
      Ten days is a fab achievement! I am so pleased for you. Very well deserved! Also pleased the party went well even if the pizzas were a problem. You have come so far and given so much to others too. You are an inspiration!
      Take Care
      Jamie
      "A journey of a thousand miles begins witha single step"

    • #21718
      kathryn
      Participant

      Today was interesting,
      My 5yo son goes to kindergarten, and every day they have a parent helper.  Its the end of term 2 this week and i finally put my name down to attend today.
      You see, kinder days have been gambling days for me this year.  Four hours of gambling bliss with no children to worry about. I have been dreading going to kinder….im not in with the mothers, i prefer to drop off and pick up with a minimum of fuss.  I cant be bothered with the bitchy mother thing… im so used to sitting at a machine not talking to anyone…mmmm theres a bit of a lightbulb moment in that statement. But i hate the bitchyness, its kinder for goodness sake!!!
      Anyway, talk about sidetracked….. What i wanted to say was that i had a terrific time.  I played with the kids, read them stories, sat at the kiddy table with my big bum on a kiddy chair and ate lunch with my baby.  They sang, danced and i took in every bit.  It was a lovely morning.  I also put my car in for the dreaded $400 car service today.  I didnt take it to the car dealer, i took it to a mechanic who does handbook services, i dont want to lose my warranty.  Anyway, he just called and the service was only $200.  Yay!!!!! Us c.g.s dont like spending money on anything other than gambling.  Thats why ive been putting it off.  Anyway, its all done, have to wait for hubby to get home from work so he can run me up there to pick it up.
      Thanks everyone who posted, its like opening a present when i know someone has posted on my thread…i cant wait to see who it is and what they have to say.
      Have a great day everyone, day 11 for me and at this very moment i fee fantastic.
      Bye, Kathryn Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21719
      sherry123
      Participant

      Day 12 today?  You’re doing great.  You’ll have the memories of kinder with your son forever.  You made a great trade with your 4 hours! And owing half as much on your car service is an extra bonus!  Life keeps getting better and better.
      My day was work, make dinner and get on the computer.  Nothing exciting but Oprah is on in a few minutes and hubby will be feeding the cows and horses so I will have the TV to myself.  Hubby is not an Oprah fan!
      Kathryn, keep finding the enjoyments you’ve been missing and I hope you have many pleasant surprises.
      Sherry

    • #21720
      kathryn
      Participant

      Yes Sherry, it is day 12 for me…yahoo
      Its only lunch time now but i have just got back from parent/teacher interviews.  It went well, master 10 is doing well, he is where hes supposed to be in terms of the smart scale.
      Anyway, i saw a man today that is (was) always at the pokies when i was there.  He would be drunk and pouring $50 after$50 into those machines, so was i (i just wasnt drunk)  But it got me thinking….
      I remember being at the venue and losing all the money in my purse and then going to the ATM machine.  On removing my money i would walk back in there like i hadnt been in there at all, like i was just arriving all over again.  Then i would lose that  lot of money and do it over and over again.  It was like every time i walked back into the gaming room from the ATM I was starting over and i hadnt just lost $100,$200,$300 (and the rest)
      What a weird feeling… it was like groundhog day ( you know the movie?)
      Anyway, just wanted to share that. I wonder if that man is still going to that venue (proboably) Im soooo glad its not me.  Have a great day everyone…Kathryn
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21721
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn wrote: I remember being at the venue and losing all the money in my purse and then going to the ATM machine.  On removing my money i would walk back in there like i hadnt been in there at all, like i was just arriving all over again.  Then i would lose that  lot of money and do it over and over again.  It was like every time i walked back into the gaming room from the ATM I was starting over and i hadnt just lost $100,$200,$300 (and the rest)"
      "What a weird feeling… it was like groundhog day ( you know the movie?)"
       
      Kathryn,
      I never thought about it like that but it is so true…  I remember all too well the anticipation of putting ‘new’ money in instead of the reality of what was already lost…until the way home.  I like how you described the insanity! 
      It’s afternoon there and almost bedtime here.  It’s amazing how the internet brings us, half a world away, together.
      Enjoy your day.
      Sherry

    • #21722
      davlen
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Glad to hear you are still going strong. the first couple of weeks are nearly under your belt and you are noticing things that you never would whilst gambling. with the kinder club thing. do you think maybe you based your oppinion as everyone there being bitchy as sub consiously you knew your time would be better off helping out with the kids tho the gambling part of your brain told you it was much more rewarding and fulfilling to gamble?
       my biggest realization since my ongoing recovery is just how precious the everyday things are. i bought my little boy a present yesterday as i had said if he could be a big boy and go without his dummy at night then i would reward him. his face as i showed him his present was priceless! he felt proud of hiself and excited with his new toy. whilst gambling i would never have bothered to encourage him in the first place, and, its not xmas or birthday. why would i spend gambling money on a gift he probably wont play with?
      i guess what im trying to say is gambling makes us cyinical and only when we stop does our try character truely develop.
      The real Kathryn is developing and im sure you will become a person everyone will love even more, tho most importantly, you will grow to love yourself.
      great to catch up with your progress. pleas keep posting.
      Regards Dave 

    • #21723
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Dave
      Im pretty excited bout finding the real Kathryn…. havent seen her for almost 15yrs (mmm i wonder if she will look like Angelina Jolie lol).  I wanted to reply about the bitchy mum kinder thing.  Im afraid its a case of once bitten twice shy for me…you see i did kinder with my eldest child ( mind you she just turned 18) and i was only 26 at the time.  It was awful. I tried to be friends with the other mums but at the time i was much younger than them and they didnt like it.  I was even on the comittee.  After the year from hell i vowed never to do it again, and i didnt!!! I also vowed never to gamble again and time and time again i did. (interesting)  Anyway, i just like to drop off and pick up like i said.  I have my friends, only one that  i tell everything to.  Im not interested in having coffees and chats about our kids.  I know that sounds mean but its how i feel.  Dont get me wrong, i do say hi and im friendly but these mums are full on.  This is my 3rd time round and im soooo not going there.  There has already been a letter sent home about a child that has allergies…aparently some mums were bitching that this child was getting special treatment.  The parents had to send a letter home and explain that he wasnt….SEE!!!! I cant be bothered. 
      Anyway, ive just knocked off work, it was a full on evening, but it went quick.  Day 12 DOWN!!!!
      KathrynFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21724
      jamie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Finding it hard to keep up with the pace of these posts due to my birthday weekend! Glad to see you are still going strong and getting a glimpse of the real you! Keep at it!
      Congratulations!
      Jamie

    • #21725
      kathryn
      Participant

      Yesterday my husband worked a 17hour day, which is extremely rare…he then had to get up at 545am to go back to work this morning so i thought i would tell you a bit more about him.
      Although my husband and i have gambled together for many years, he is a wonderful man and i think i have been playing the victim a bit when telling you all about him.
      I have been unfair to him… he works so hard for his family, and every week he comes home with his pay and gives it to me..(getting my drift?) I would then go and gamble it all away.
      Yes, he likes the pokies, but when it comes to the c.g. i am the one who has brought us to the brink of despair.  In reality when we have gone, i am the one who says ‘ill just get more money’. He doesnt argue with me, im sure he is a c.g.too but more of a binge gambler where as i had to go all the time. 
      Now that im not gambling, he is not bothered, he knows i cannot go and is supporting me, telling me he is proud.  If he ever reads this i want to say.. Dames, i love you. You have been here for me all these years through good and bad (lots of bad). I am a lucky woman to have you at my side and i thank my higher power every day.
      I am thankful today, for my family and for all of you here at GT for helping me in my recovery.  I feel ive been given a lifeline, a second chance to really do right.  And im going to..just for today of course!
      Thanks for reading, KathrynFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21726
      linnie44
      Participant

      nice post Kathryn.
      Hugs *life is good

    • #21727
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, it’s refreshing to read a post about a wonderful husband.  They are few and far between!  It took me two tries to get a decent one…maybe I was a lot more careful with my choice in my 40s than I was at 19 years old.  Glad you got a good one on the first try.
      I feel the same way about GT. I am thankful for this site and all the wonderful people.
      It’s bedtime for me so it must be afternoon for you.  Enjoy your day.
      Good night,
      Sherry

    • #21728
      kathryn
      Participant

      So last night i was on the site till 1am.  Does anyone recall what i like to call ‘pokie eyes’?
      You know, when youve been playing for hours and hours, watching the reels spin.  Im almost crosseyed, my eyes are stinging, and it takes a few days for my eyes to settle down.  Remember?  Well thats what i was like last night. It was funny, when i went to bed i thought ‘pokie eyes’, but then i thought, no, i wasnt gambling.  I wonder if anyone has any interesting names i can call it??? Seeing as im about 9hrs in front of the uk, the group therapy sessions are very late but i dont want to miss them.  I slept in this morning, master 10 came running in at 8.15, he leaves for school at 8.25. Oh dear!
      I went to suss out the gym today and it was closed!!! I wonder if someone is trying to tell me not to go? So I went op shopping (i think you call them thrift stores) and i found a lovely outfit to wear to the gym!!! (if it ever opens)
      Im taking my kids to the movies to see Transformers 2 tonight, the boys are beside themselves with excitement although Harry hasnt been to the movies before so i hope he enjoys it.  Brea is coming cause she gets a free ticket to the movies!!! Shes not silly. Im looking forward to it.  They go on holidays from tomorrow for 2 weeks and i have always dreaded them, still do a bit but im going to try and do a lot with them, even just a walk along the beach ( thanks Vera, it sounded so nice when you did it with your son )
      Anyway, wishing you all a wonderful gamble free day, oh and by the way, im 2weeks today…yay!!
      Bye for now, KathrynFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21729
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I got a spare HOUR so I decided to catch up on you and it seems you are doing really well, I am sooo proud of what you have achieved to date. I takes courage to do what you have done and I hope that I continue on the same path of a gambling free lifestyle. I like your dedication to your husband, it is quite easy to blame others for our mistakes and found that I too would blame friends for my gambling, this cleary wasn’t the case… I love your daily updates and as strange as it sounds I feel I kinda know you. Its great to feel part of a small community that understands and supports though most of all I enjoy the craic (Irish-ism) take care kathryn and keep that sane mind, gambling is not worth it, you fell once and to fair I think that has made you a stronger person…
      speak soon
      Alan (Mr Purple)Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21730
      kathryn
      Participant

      I feel like taking everything about my husband back tonight. Stubborn, opinionated SOB.
      As you know,i was taking the kids to the movies tonight. And i did and hubby decided to come.  We went to the movies together, all 5 of us for the first time ever!
      The movie was great, master 10 cried a few times, his favourite transformer was not doing so well but it all went well in the end.
      So we had a great time, was driving home, talking all about the movie, what everyones favourite bit was and all that.  We were 1 minute from home and i made a comment about the movie that he didnt agree with, nothing bad i just said we didnt see a lot of humans getting killed ( for a change) and he went ballistic, saying i was an idiot, what movie was i watching etc etc. Brea actually agreed with me and he proceeded to go ballistic at her. It was awful.  I said to him cant we even have a conversation about a movie  and he said no and that was it. We got home and he went to bed and im sitting here with steam coming out of my ears.
      It shows me that we really cant do a lot together.  We never have, we have had seperate holidays, seperate friends, seperate lives. Yes he had forgiven me, yes he gives me his money every week but i can see us going seperate ways one day because whatever we do ends in disaster.
      Sorry guys, i just needed to have a vent. Thanks for reading
      Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21731
      howanan
      Participant

      Kathryn,  If you read my thread a couple of days ago, you will see I was venting on it about my husband.  I think that as the fog clears from our minds, we realize that must of our time with our husbands were gambling.  Now that is gone we have to find something to replace it.  My gambling therapist asks me everytime I see him how are my husband and myself.  I thought that was kind of odd, but after my posts, I realize that this was going to happen.  It seems all we had in common was going to the bar or casino to gamble.  Now that that  life is over, what now?  I refuse to give up on us.  So I have decided not to take everything he says and does personally.  Maybe he is having gambling withdrawals too.  It  does no good to sweat the small stuff and could actually send us back to the casino.  I choose not to do that.  Hope things work out okay with the husband………NancyEveryday we makes choices…..Make your choice today a good one………..

    • #21732
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Join the many of us here that are adjusting to this new life of not gambling with our significant other.  It can be challenging to say the least.  Those of us that did gamble with our loved one find it difficult because that is what we are used to.  That was our form of entertainment and it was fun at the beginning and quite innocent but as you know, it turned out to be a big mistake.  Now we have to find new ways of relating.  It’s hard sometimes because we are different creatures, us men and women.  We never noticed it before because we were too busy gambling.  Now it is facing us and we have to deal with it.  Darn!!   No fun, it seems.  Don’t give up, as I know you have not and just needed to vent.  This is a good place to do it.  Ever notice, things just work themselves out sometimes when you just let it go?  Works for me anyways.  Take care and have a great day.  Danielle

    • #21733
      kathryn
      Participant

      Firstly, thanks Danielle and Nancy for your posts…very wise and true.
      I had to go and re-self exclude today…seems the one i did last week didnt cover all the venues and i had to go and do another one today. I took Brea with me, we had to do some shopping anyway, some stuff for her new job, stuff for school, hey, i think i spent all my money on her!!!!! It was nice to be able to do it without worrying that i wouldnt have enough left to gamble.
      So Brea came with me and watched me sign the papers and have the mug shot…we went grocery shopping on the way home and when i was finished and going to the car she said she needed to go back and get something for herself.  I went and put the groceries in the car and when she came out she had a bunch of flowers for me.  She told me she was so proud of me..wasnt that lovely.
      Shes a very thoughtful girl, that daughter of mine. Im very lucky to have her and that she turned out so well, considering…
      Anyway guys, im going to a meeting tonight, day 15 and i cant wait to say that in my therapy.  I hope you are all having a lovely gamble free day, i sure am! Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21734
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, I had to laugh, not that your husband went ballistic and put a damper on your evening, but because I know how quickly our feelings of love and adoration for our mate can turn to irritation and anger.  Hope your husband is treating his family better today and a spark of that love is back for you.
      Leading seperate lives…my husband and I do that too.  We both work all day and he is busy with farming stuff evenings and weekends. Made it easy for me to spend all Saturday at the casino as long as I got home before him, he didn’t have a clue. He still doesn’t know how often or how much I gambled and I will probably never tell him because I don’t want to see his feelings quickly change to irritaion and distrust!
      Have a good gamble free day.
      Sherry

    • #21735
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      kathryn, I am so glad I read your post. I hadn’t even thought about self excluding! That is the best idea I have ever heard! I called my local casino just now to find out the particulars. They said I will have to go down there and fill out the paperwork in person. I’m a little embarrassed by the idea of having myself 86ed, but I will do it any way because I know there is so much more to be gained. After 20+ years of systematically destroying all my confidence and self esteem by compulsively gambling, a tad more humiliation is just a drop in the bucket. At least I’ll finally win something. Thank you, and God bless.
      Originally posted by kathryn

      Im taking a big step in my recovery tomorrow.  Im going to the venue i have spent half my life in and im going to self exclude.  Im going to call in the morning and find out what i have to do then im going to do it.  Its time to get serious people… i have to prove to myself im doing everything possible to aid my recovery.  Im looking towards the future now, i have too much to live for, and i dont want to miss out anymore.
      Sorry this was so long, i needed to get it out.  Thank you to everyone for your support… its helping me more than you know, i thank god for this site everyday.  Kathryn
       
      Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21736
      jamie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      Glad to see you are still doing so well. I am a big man and your post about your daughter has just reduced all 6foot4 and 16 stone of me to tears! How lovely! And how proud must you have felt? Both for inspiring that in someone and for the wonderful daughter you have brought up. Absolutely awesome!
      Keeg going girl!
      Take care!
      Jamie
       

    • #21737
      davlen
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      im not 6 foot 4 tho the emotional effect was the same. your daughter cannot possibly understand what you have been through with gambling tho she does understand when mum is doing something positive in her life. well done on re self excluding and well done on making your daughter the person she is! another step along the way  to realising what a special person you are. yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mistery. todays a gift cos its the present.

    • #21738
      kathryn
      Participant

      I have been reading and reading and writing and writing tonight, thouroughly enjoyable!!!
      Heres my question….what is an indian casino? I have never heard of it and im assuming it is associated with the American Indians.  Could someone please fill me in? Thanks in advance….
      Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21739
      sherry123
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, an Indian Casino in Washington State is a regular casino owned by a certain Indian Tribe.  They are not government run and do not have the same laws and regulations because they are on the Indian Reservation and the Indians are a soveriegn nation.  Really not much different from any other casino except they don’t have the strict government control or taxation.  …at least that’s the way I see it.
      Hope your weekend is wonderful.
      Sherry

    • #21740
      kathryn
      Participant

      So here i am, day 17 yipee…
      Im sitting in my lounge, surrounded by my family, football on the telly, roast pork in the oven ( no swine flu jokes please!!!) and thought id reflect on my weekend.
      My biggest urge to gamble was on Friday night before i left for my GA meeting…weird i thought, but i went to the meeting as planned (took $10 for the collection plate) and it was good, im still not sure if GA is for me but im determined to stick it out for 6mths and then see how i feel.
      Saturday i slept in until 10am, i nearly died when i woke up and saw the time but i got up, made coffee, read the paper, my favourite thing to do.  We then went down to the local football, the weather was magnificent for winter, sunny and warm…the kids played on the park all day and i only saw them when they wanted a drink or something to eat.  We then came home and watched more football (we love football if you didnt notice!!)
      Today was market day, my step father sells vegetables (the best spuds in Australia) and ive been helping him for the last 8yrs.  It gets extremely busy. I was there till lunch time and then came home, tidied the house, vacumed the carpet, and then had a power nap on the couch.  I went and visited mum for a coffee when i woke up, came home and got the vegies for tea ready and am now sitting here watching, you guessed it, football!!!
      So i was wondering, how the hell could i possibly have time to gamble with all that going on? Now that ive read it back, i really have been busy this weekend. I need a weekend off to get over my weekend!!! The kids are on 2wks holidays now so ill have to keep them busy.
      Hope you all had a lovely gamble free day, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21741
      marilee
      Participant

      Exactly!  When I try to post about my days, I wonder how I found time to gamble.  Because gambling isn’t just the act of sitting on my ever-expanding butt, mindlessly pressing a germ-filled button.  It is scrambling to find money, short-cutting all of the "mandatory" things (like work or laundry), post-gamble scrambling to cover up the money you borrowed and lost, and now can’t pay back.  It’s calling bill collectors (or avoiding them), trying to decide if you will get evicted if you don’t pay your rent on time again, or lose your car because you haven’t made a payment in two months.  It’s making up lies to your family and friends about where you have been, it’s spending hours in quiet desperation, wondering if today should be your last day on earth. 
      Now I find that the days aren’t long enough, there is so much to do!  There is so much life to LIVE.  I don’t know whether positive things started happening after I stopped gambling, or whether I didn’t allow anything positive to happen while I was gambling.  But I am in love with my life right now.  Sure, things could be better, but they are still good enough.  The "better" part is what I strive for, while not losing sight of the fact that I need to live in the present.  I lost enough time to gambling, I don’t want to lose any more to regret.  Glad to see that your 17 days have arrived, you really are doing great (and sorry for not posting more to you earlier, just too busy!lol).

    • #21742
      kathryn
      Participant

      I have to agree with you Vera, im really trying to make up for lost time so to speak!
      Sitting and listening to my children, yes really listening, and talking TO them not AT them. Trying to make a little time for myself, usually to come on this site and have a read.  Im making a conscious effort to enjoy my days, trying to keep the little devil on my shoulder quiet for a little while (thats not easy).
      I still hear the machines singing in everything i do, theres always something that reminds me, a sound, a picture.
      You know better than anyone Vera the terrible thing i did when i was gambling, i dont know that i can ever forgive myself, but, im trying to have a better day everyday.  I have to put it behind me but i will never forget.
      I think ive lived over half my life, i cant imagine myself living to a ripe old age…i smoke too much!!! In saying that it is my  intention to make the most of time. Its too precious to be sitting in those stinking venues throwing my money away.
      I hope you are all having a wonderful day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21743
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Best of luck Kathryn, well done for everything you have done to date! there must be some Irish in ya, thought it just us ‘Paddies’ that called potato’s spuds!!!
      good luck with the gambling free time, I am on day, errrrr, 50!!Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21744
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey Al,
      Yes there is irish blood flowing through these veins…my brother went to ireland late last year and found records of my great, great, great grandfather. I cant remember where in ireland he went, he wrote to mum and it had all the info on it, i will have to have a look and let you know…to be sure, to be sure.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21745
      kathryn
      Participant

      I have been on group the last 2 nights and laughed and laughed…so i thought id inject some humour into my thread, after all, laughter is the best medicine!!!
      We had a conversation last night about underpants (dont ask) and i called them budgie smugglers (tight mens underpants) then i thought…im going to give you a taste of aussie slang. Now, before you read on be warned…some of the words are a bit rude… now i know your going to read it!!!!
      Dead Horse=sauce
      Cheese and Hisses=missus (wife, girlfriend)
      Trouble and Strife=wife
      frog and toad=road
      couple of red hots=pots (the aussie beer glass)
      bold as brass=starts with a ends with rse
      braisen bits= starts with t ends in its
      niagra falls=mens apendage, starts with b ends in alls
      rubberty=pub
      pineapples=aussie $50 note
      snakes hiss=starts with p ends with iss
      drop ya guts=starts with f ends with art.
      I hope i gave you a smile today…my husband helped me, all the rude ones of course.
      Hope you had a lovely gamble free day and i didnt offend anyone..
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21746
      jamie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Hats off to you on your on-going recovery! I really enjoy catching up with your posts. They are always so full of positivity! You are a remarkable woman. And I loved the rhyming slang! Very funny!
      Keep strong!
      Take care
      Jamie
      "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

    • #21747
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had an interesting conversation last night, and i have had a bit of a change of thought when it comes to guilt…
      I have always felt guilty, for losing our home, putting us in financial despair, ruining what could have been a wonderful life, for things i have and dont have.
      Well i have come to see that im looking at things a bit backwards.  I hope this makes sense cause im still trying to wrap my brain around it.  Ive really realised that it was the addiction working through me…not me in that i did not want to become who i became, a lying, scheming, thief.
      I have realised after all this time that i have a true addiction, it sounds wierd i know but it has made me understand that the addiction did this to me…not me to myself. (does that make sense, im not sure)
      In any case i am not going to feel guilty anymore, im letting it go, guilt is what makes us gamble, we dwell on all the things we have done and that little gambling monster says ‘good, you think that, and go and gamble and you can zombie out and I WIN!’ Im not giving him the satisfaction anymore.  Not to say i dont have regret..i think they are two very seperate things.
      I will remember the things i regret, to keep me on this path of recovery, but i am not, for one minute going to feel guilt.  I cant change what has happened, but i can certainly change how i think now.
      I still dont know if im making any sense, the words are in my head but i dont know if they are coming out right…im sure you will let me know!!!!
      Im living for today, for my future and the future of my family.  20 days today, i never thought i could do it. And for the one who helped me…you know who you are and thank you, i woke up a different person this morning.
      Wishing you all a happy gamble free day, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21748
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I too had an interesting convo with the guys online (missed ya at the 5pm session) It seems that having this addiction is seen as a blessing??? I dont really get it to be fair but as for the guilt aspect, you are right, you need to move on, we are not bad people, I too had guilt, I am still ashamed of what I have done in the past but I am fighting to make sure that I will not make the same mistakes again.
      YOU can do this, this addiction will always be simmering away in the back-ground, we just need to keep it on half boil… I never thought I could cope with the thought of NEVER having an actual tangible ‘fix’  to this addiction but I honestly now believe that I (all CG) can work through our urges. I FORGIVE MYSELF, I am focused on my recovery and can already look back on my previous life and be thankful for GT and the friendships that I have found.
      Good luck Kathryn and enjoy your trip away, dont let gambling dictate your happiness!!Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21749
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      Thanks for your post pinkie, i am not able to think past today at this point…the thought of never gambling again is terrifying, even though i dont want to do it, i can only not do it for today and thats enough for me.  I have a million todays coming up and if i just get through one at a time then ill be ok.
      School holidays…mmmm…they drive me a little nutty.  I was so happy to go to work last night.  It was an easy night, cruisy, which was nice for a change.  The kids have been a little niggly towards each other this morning and im a bit tense, i have to go and help a friend clean a little house at lunchtime (we’ve been doing it for years) so i might see if she wants to have a coffee afterwards.  We both need a break, she has 2 little ones.  My daughter is babysitting both her and my kids while we do it so whats an extra half an hour?
      I havent had any gambling thoughts today as yet (its early). I have the day off so im going to go have a shower, have some breaky and tidy up a bit before i get picked up. Im looking forward to group tonight, its at 7pm here, i sat up till 1am last night and could barely put one foot in front of the other, but in saying that, the group sessions relieve a lot of my tension. I hate to miss them.
      Its 3 weeks for me today, i cant believe it…in one sense it has gone quickly as ive been logging on to this site every day, but in the other…. it feels like every day has been a week.
      I hope you all have a happy gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21750
      sherry123
      Participant

      Happy dance for your 3 weeks!  Wonderful!!!  You are such a motivator too by posting on so many threads. I haven’t joined in on the group therapy because of the times…I probably wouldn’t be much good at work if I was online at 2am. You’re doing great and I am so glad you’re here with us.

    • #21751
      jennyc418
      Participant

      hello it is 3 weeks and 4 days for me. it feels so good and i was so wanting to go earlier but instead i went bought myself supper and came home to play with the kittens…. well congrats and stay strong…. hope you have a wonderful gamble free 4th of july weekend>>>
      love jennyjenny

    • #21752
      erin
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn…Just wanted to stop in quick and say thank-you so much for your post.  I am excited about this.  I do have to admit that I believe I spent too much time on here the past couple of days, reading.  My boys kept saying, ‘mom, when are you going to get off the computer?’  I’d say, "Just let me read this one last thing."  Well an hour later, I’d finally pull myself away.  I really got insight from your post the other day about feeling guilty.  I beat myself up all the time.  I hope I can just let it go.  Take care and enjoy your BEAUTIFUL, gamble-free day!     Erin

    • #21753
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Kathryn, I completely understand what you’re saying, agree whole heartedly, and commend you for recognizing the destructiveness of guilt. Blame, shame, condemnation, guilt, intimidation, manipulation and all those negative intangibles we’ve all been brought up to own, cultivate and utilize on ourselves and others is the reason why most people begin peddling backwards early in life. Ever notice how small children are at peace with the world around them until their thinking gets sullied by the negativity projected onto them by their elders? Until I became a born again Christian, I had no real understanding of how those things control our actions and reactions. Some would say that it’s important to feel shame for our bad behavior. I disagree. I think it’s important to have a conscience about the things we’ve done, and conviction to change the negative to a positive. Beating up on ourselves is counterproductive and can  cause us to freeze up, lose motivation and become depressed. You are correct that regret and guilt are not the same thing. We all have our regrets, but it serves no good purpose to allow regret to boil into guilt. At some point in healing, we must forgive ourselves or else we forever be the devil’s whipping post.
      Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.– 7/2/2009 4:23:55 PM: post edited by compulsiveme.

    • #21754
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you all for your fantastic posts…i feel better knowing i did make SOME sense…
      Now i know you have all been waiting with baited breath for my Britney Spears news….YAY…i got the tickets!!! Im so excited, i do like her but more importantly, i am going to have a weekend in Sydney with my daughter.  We have never really done anything together…If you could have seen us this morning trying to get those tickets…it was insane..i was having a heart attack cause it kept saying to try again.  Beside the point really.
      I had never been to Sydney and this year will be 3 times!!!
      Ok, back to the gambling..no thoughts as yet today, too busy!!! im babysitting a little boy today, he is beautiful, i call him the silent assasin, he gets into everything and you never hear him. lol .
      I have been enjoying group immensly, although my husband came out last night and cracked it cause i was on here again… i dont particularly care, and im not going to feel bad because im finally doing something for me.  He will just have to get over it…
      Im working this afternoon, the kids are behaving beautifully (thank goodness) and im looking forward to another gamble free day (22 today)
      Bye all, and wishing you the same…
      Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21755
      daisy56
      Participant

      There is so much said here that I connect with and that gives me the feeling that I can start adding up the gamble free days and really do it. I am going to talk to my partner tonight, who likes gambling too and introduced me to it, and tell her what I have done today. Then I will work out how excluding myself is the way to go. At least I know she will be supportive. Thanks 

    • #21756
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      Its fantastic to see how many people you are connecting with, it goes to show you that YOU are making a difference both with you life and others. Keep up the good work and enjoy Miss Spears, you may well be nervous about visiting another state, somewhere were you have the ability to gamble should you choose but I honestly believe that you will do great! Funny story happened me last night on my way home, I walked into a manager from one of my old gambling dens, she was like, "hi Alan, I haven’t seen you in a while, we miss you, then muttered well, we miss your money" I was able to have that 15 sec convo and walk off with my head held high!
      good luck everyone, I will not gamble today..Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21757
      davlen
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      im so pleased that you got the tickets. im pleased that you got them  for you and your daughter to have a great girlie night/weekend.
      im even more happy that you are on this site no matter what hubby thinks. you are doing this for YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      my mum is a very humble and unasuming lady. the one thing i remember from my youth that she said to me was.
      Look after number one cos if you cant, who else will?
      at the time i couldnt relate this to gambling. [i was about 4 tho even then i would bet i would be the first upstairs or the first awake! lol]
      Now i realise that i had to stop gambling for me.
      She also said make yourself happy and everyone you can make smile along the way is a bonus.
      what a wonderfull woman my mum is!
      its taken me 20 years of gambling and over 10 months in recovery to think of those wise words.
      it tells its own story.
      i love your posts, good times, bad times. always honest.
      Regards Dave 

    • #21758
      angel7
      Participant

      Well done Kathryn I have found your story a help and I hope I can have the courage you have shown. Enjoy your new stateof mind. do you think about gambling much and have you done anything else becaude you cant go in the casinos- such as lottery cards or such?
      smiles angel – Im just admitting to myself that I have a problemthe only way is up

    • #21759
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      I had a very busy day at work today…then came home to the grumpy hubby. Got to love it! Just what i needed.  Thoughts turned straight to gambling = straight on this site and feeling much better.
      Angel i just wanted to let you know that i do think of gambling A LOT. But never to the point that i would go, besides, i cant, i would be removed. The thought of that actually makes me smile.  I wish you could all see what i see when i imagine getting thrown out.  Hysterical (funny) then hysterical (crying!!!)
      I havent done anything in the form of gambling since i stopped 23 days ago. There are a lot of things that i know dont bother me in terms of gambling eg. betting on horses, sports, lottery, bingo etc.  Still, im not prepared to try it out. Its not worth the risk.  So im off to the big footy game tomorrow, im really looking forward to spending the arvo with my sister, nephew and my kids.
      I hope you all have a happy gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xx PS- thanks to all that posted..you know it makes my day Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21760
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Kudos Kathryn for reigning in those thoughts and redirecting them to something constructive! I get the thoughts all the time, my answer to them is always, "Shut up, devil!" It works for me.  
      Angel, like Kathryn, there are some gambling activities that I have never been interested in. I dare not even contemplate them as an alternative activity, because with my addiction, I know very well I could get interested pretty fast. Betting is betting even if it’s betting on an activity out of my scope of interest. It will certainly lead to disaster.Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.

    • #21761
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Very funny, Vera!  That’s quite a scenario. Hmmm…come to think of it, I think I’ve seen that before. LOL.Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.

    • #21762
      sherry123
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  I was going to tell you that Americans do not usually have potato chips with meals but sometimes we do with sandwiches and hamburgers if there isn’t a side like potato salad, french fries or salad. Biscuits are like a heavy bread that is made with baking powder instead of yeast.  I make mine with buttermilk too.  We usually have them at breakfast and they are especially good covered in gravy (sausage gravy or milk gravy) or with jam or honey. Yes, we Americans like to eat!
      Vera’s colorful story gave me a good laugh…especially since it was all in fun.  Not sure what happens if someone gets caught trying to gamble after self banning, but the ‘fear’ of getting embarrassingly escorted out is a strong deterrent.
      You’re doing great Kathryn!  23 days is amazing.
      Sherry
       LDG May 10, 2009 (Mother’s Day)

    • #21763
      kathryn
      Participant

      Oh Vera, you know me soooo well!!!
      That was hysterical, i nearly wet myself laughing.  The perfect end to a perfect day for me.  I went to the footy, had a wonderful time and to top it off my team won.  By a goal…thats 6points, a tiny margin in aussie rules.  I am ho**** from screaming and sore from dancing…i danced up a storm when they won and played the team song. 
      Mind you, they played it 3 times. I had a brilliant time, it was great to see my sister and my nephew and my daughter and i laughed and laughed (until the score got close, then i couldnt speak!!) My son on the other hand decided to switch sides 3/4 of the way through…he was wearing a team hat and jumper with a jacket over the top.  He took the hat off and zipped up the jacket and said he was going for the other team ( they were very close to being in front). Well our team kicked 2 goals and what happened…the hat went back on and the jacket unzipped to show his colours. My sister and i were crying laughing.  How gorgeous is that.  There were 54,444 people there, a record for that arena and the noise was incredible.  The roar went right through me.  I loved it.  Anyway, im sure you can see that im excited we won… the other bonus is i didnt gamble (day 24).
      Have a great gamble free day everyone, cant wait for group next week,
      Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21764
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Your son is so funny, hiding his team logo and then switching back when they started to win. That’s a kid for ya huh? Well, I so glad your team won and you had a great time with your family.  What is a footy though?  Is that soccer?  Sounds like it but not sure.
      Your doing quite well kathryn and should be very proud of yourself. It’s such a great feeling to not have to worry so much about time away from family and wasting your hard earned money.  Keep up the good work. The urges will come from time to time but you don’t have to allow life pressures to drive you to gamble.  Good your self banned. It was my salvation too, along with this forum. Danielle

    • #21765
      marilee
      Participant

      Just reading through your thread Kathryn, and I’m so happy that you are finding is possible to enjoy life.  I’ve been on this site for about 8 months now, and one thing I see is that if we let regret keep us down, we are still letting gambling control our lives.  Shame, regret and fear are the three negative emotions that attract negative energy.  You know, we’ve done things we are not proud of, treated others in a poor way, lost material things along the way.  But we didn’t kill anyone, we just got lost to a disease for a while.  In a way, I see finding this site as my re-birth.  The chance to become again a person I thought was lost forever.  So scream your lungs out at a game, laugh until you wet yourself, embrace the day and the people who surround you.  Recovery is hard, but it’s a little miracle too.  Stay strong girl, life on the recovery road is fun!

    • #21766
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Vera, I hope that voucher was computer generated or it would look like that is a little insensitive to tempt you that way. Gee…Glad you didn’t fall for it!
      Originally posted by vera

      Same thing happened me, Al. Was at the beach , walking a couple of weeks ago and met a manager from the "sister" company.
      He said " haven’t seen you etc etc ". I told him I self-excluded. almost seven months ago…He said "congrats, keep it up, I often noticed how much you lost and how little you ever won!"   I felt like shrinking and crawling under a stone….
      Later I was thinking " How come he doesn’t know, I’m banned??…" Maybe be just didn’t want to embarrass me by saying he did know. A few days later, I got a voucher for € 15 to go and play in " his" casino!!!
      The plot thickens!
      all the sevens
      Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.– 7/5/2009 10:07:43 PM: post edited by compulsiveme.

    • #21767
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Danielle, footy is played with and oval ball and it is kicked and marked (some guys get 10ft in the air) to their end.  There are 4 posts, kick in between the 4 and you get a goal (6pts) kick either side and its 1 point.  It is an awesome game, it can be extremely rough, there is no padding worn by players and there is quite a bit of skill involved.  It is also really fast…the ball starts in the middle of the ground and a goal can be kicked in as little as 10 seconds.  Anyway, i hope i explained that properly. I have a very sore throat today from too much yelling!!!
      Im having a lazy one today, a bit of housework and im going to cook a lovely meal, roast vegies and cauliflower and broccoli in cheese sauce. Havent decided on the meat yet, im leaning towards steak.
      I havent had any urges as yet, i babysat my friends 2 kids this morning for about an hour so i was busy.  Master 10 has a friend over so they’re ok. 
      I need to go and have a shower and scrub my hair…its a bit feral!!!!
      Anyway, wishing you all a wonderful gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21768
      sherry123
      Participant

      Keep up the good work Kathryn!  I envy all of you who can post and think of such interesting things to say!  All of you who have the ‘gift’ make the boards interesting and fun. 
      I am off to bed and glad the weekend is over!

    • #21769
      daisy56
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Well done describing our game of footy! I’m not an avid fan and don’t particularly support a team, but I do think it is a great team game to watch. It is skilful, fast and has plenty of chances to score, so it keeps it exciting.
      Thanks for the time you take to write about your day and help us all remember there is plenty of good living to do every day.
      I am on day 4 of joining this forum and choosing to be gamble free. It is good to be amongst friends. I feel like I am coasting at the moment because I have no money to gamble, pay day is a while off, so it almost feels like cheating to say I am gamble free. But I know that everything I read and plan before the dreaded pay day can ensure that my first gamble free pay day will be just another day. My partner supports me, she will take my ATM cards for me and I will plan my day to be very busy. And I will keep reading all the great ideas everyone so generously offers.
      Thanks. Here’s to good choices
      Alison

    • #21770
      kathryn
      Participant

      Daisy,
      I strongly suggest you pick the Saints to be your footy team of choice if you dont follow anyone!!! lol.  I cant find a thread from you so ill just have to write here…have i missed it…let me know if i have.  4 days is fantastic, if you really wanted to gamble you would find a way.. i was very good at that believe me!  Im so pleased you have a supportive partner. You are doing all the right things to prevent yourself gambling on payday.  As you said, its just another day and it is a good feeling when you get through it knowing you have paid what you need to for that day and have a little left over for yourself.
      I went and bought myself some really good face cream on my first payday after quitting…its meant to get rid of the wrinkles. Im still waiting!!!! lol
      Anyway, you are doing really well, i truly believe that reading and posting on this site is a blessing, not only does it keep us busy, i usually get a good laugh from it!
      Have a great day, by the way, where are you in Oz? (you dont have to tell me if you dont want to)
      Bye for now, Kathryn xx ps, Sherry, i dont really think im that interesting to tell the truth, i just never shut up!!!
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21771
      daisy56
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I haven’t started a thread – I just jumped on a thread and wrote something and I think yours was the first I read. I haven’t really worked out how everything is set up. Give some advice about how the threads work if you like.
      My three daughters support the Saints, with their dad, who has supported them all his life, so I suppose that can be my team too – especially since they are doing so well this year!
      I live in Melbourne and love it. Grew up in Sydney and born in Adelaide! where are you, if you want to say?
      I like the idea of wrinkle cream – something to aim for!!
      I was interested in listening in on the women’s group session on Wednesday. Is it 10pm our time and do I just click on the connect sign. I got on to the live advice lifeline today to try it, which was good.
      Thanks for replying,
      Alison  (Daisy is my sign in so I have probably confused things!)

    • #21772
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      isn’t it great that we (CG) can sit back and look at life in a different way now, as a gambler i had tunnel vision and thought of nothing else but myself and gambling…. As a ‘young’ 30yr old I now understand that there is more to life and gambling, reading your story (soap) I now apprecaite the simple things in life!
      Keep it going, one day at at time, I know your family are proud of you but you have freinds on here as well that are also very proud of what you have done to date!!!! even me!
      Good luck and keep eating those spuds ya girl yeeeeeee
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21773
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Reading your posts, it’s good to realize there is a life out there where there is no gambling.  It seems you are keeping busy with the family.  We do need to fill the void of gambling with productive things.  Things we have forgotten all about when we were gambling and loosing our money and time.  My daughter is on a cruise.  Her and her family left yesterday.  At 9:30 this morning I got a phone call from her.  I was afraid to answer it.  She was on the boat in St. Thomas.  Her cell phone works there, so she called me to tell me all about the boat.  I am so relieved and surprised to get that call.  While I was gambling, we were not close.  I was always to "busy" to spend time with her.  I am much happier now that ever before when gambling………..Have a good day Kathryn… NancyEveryday we makes choices…..Make your choice today a good one………..

    • #21774
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Day 25…i went back and read my very first post last night. I cant believe how desperate i was. I remember the feeling well.  How nice to be here today, still a bit stressed, still getting lots of urges but not gambling. I could hear the desperation oozing out of me…help me!!!! I have been helped so much by this site.
      Thank you to all who take the time to read and post on my thread.  Each one makes me a little stronger. I truly feel i am on the right road and am so grateful you are all here with me. I think im a bit emotional today, not about anything in particular…..
      Im working tonight, im wearing my footy scarf…i wont be popular!!!! I CANT WAIT! Anyway, i just wanted to check in..i now have to go and iron a huge basket of washing.  Im sooooo over washing, where does it all come from..its neverending in my house. Oh well, has to be done.
      I hope you are all having a wonderful gamble free day, oh, and Alison, i am in Portarlington, on the Bellarine Peninsula, other side of Geelong.
      Stay well and have a happy gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21775
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Way to go, Kathryn! 25 days! That’s wonderful.   I’m glad you have been helped by so many people here. I want to thank you for paying it forward and helping me and so many other people. You are very much appreciated and needed on this forum. Your advise is full of wisdom, insight and is spot on.
      Blessings.
       Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.

    • #21776
      jba
      Participant

      well hi my besty i took ur advice and popped on for a look.. not sure wot to do really but i read all ur posts.. my god i am so so so proud of u!!! u r finally becoming my friend that i met when we were a wee 18 yrs old.. u just got a little bit lost for a while and now i read ur posts and am inspired, and i dont even gamble!!! lol.. i find it hard to understand how to help u but i will help any way i can, u can always have my 2 ferrals to keep u busy if u get the urge! in all seriousness i couldnt be prouder of u than right now, u deserve all the good that comes ur way and u have always been destined to do wonderful things and now i think u believe it yourself.. and for all those reading this your life must certainly be brighter with kath in it cause she lights up mine and my childrens lives every day and i think she has so much to offer.. thank u soooo much to everyone who is helping her because this site has changed her life and she loves it.. keep strong every one out there who is going thru tough times u all have each other..
      god bless the  bestyxxxxxxx love u long time   jode xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #21777
      daisy56
      Participant

      hi Kathryn,
      I have worked out the threads and posted mine today. I just decided I would read your thread from the beginning and it has been so good to read. You are willing to give so much and show the ups and downs as each day goes, which helps all of us. I am not surprised you have such a good friend and lovely kids. It reflects the sort of person you are.
      My mum is in a retirement village and I so much admire the people who work with the aged. They are very special people, always happy and so patient, so good on you. Don’t feel bad when you have a ‘mental health’ day – you have earnt it!
      You live in a lovely area. I have always loved the beach, must be because I am a pisces! I have started walking again, now that I have so much extra time and nothing beats being able to walk along the beach and breathe in the fresh air.
      Take care and the kids’ holidays will soon be over! I know – I’m on school holidays, handing the kids over to their parents for the two weeks and giving myself a break!
      5 days and feeling good!
      Alison

    • #21778
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      I hope everything is ok… I tried the ring thing last night but It didn’t work!!!!!!!!
      The fact you are having a rough time and still not gambling is a testament to how well you are doing. I have been fortunate to have some very good experiences through-out my pledge to quit gambling for good but i am sure to come up against a few difficult obstacles over the next few weeks/months or years. I just hope that i have your courage to succeed…
      Anyhow, I hope everything works out.
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21779
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      I’m glad to see you had a great time at the football game. Thanks for the info, but I still don’t get football.
      You’re a real team star, doing all the right things to win this game. And, you are very supportive of your teammates. (That would be us!)
      God bless you. Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.

    • #21780
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you Vera and Al for your posts.  And thank you for last night…i just needed to sit and read and laugh and try not to think about the news i had just recieved.
      So here is is….My husband and i split up for a while (nearly 2 yrs) after we had got married.  Brea was only 2.  We have tried really hard to make it work…and succeeded.  His brother came to see him last night, he had recieved a phone call from a woman, and, thinking it was my husband, she proceeded to tell him that she had a daughter, 15 yrs old and that she is his. 
      When i got home from work, he told me that his brother had been to see him..(after he told me to go and light a smoke!!) and he told me the news.  I am totally devastated, so is he.  A one night stand he says, i dont care about that, we were split up and i was no angel myself during that time. 
      Apparently the young girl wants to know who her dad is, and rightly so, but the implications for my family are huge.  I dont know how we are going to tell OUR daughter.  I have already looked into DNA testing, my husband needs to ring this woman and talk to her. We need to know for sure before we tell anyone.  I am an emotional wreck, cant stop crying, everytime i look at my kids i cry.  I wanted to be the only woman to have his children.  Up until yesterday, i was. i dont know how to feel…if i ever wanted to gamble it is now. i just dont know what to do.  I rang work and told my boss everything, there was no way i could work today. I look like something out of the swamp.
      Luckily my boss was very understanding, i dont have to work again till monday, thank goodness. I dont think i can concentrate giving medications in my state of mind.  I know for some, it is not the worst thing in the world, but this is my world and it has been shattered.  I am broken hearted, my husband thinks im going to leave him which is certainly not the case.  I have worked to hard and to long on our relationship to give it up now. I have told him so…last night i sat and cried and he sat trying to apologise.  It was horrendous.  He is saying he doesnt want anything to do with her, i know that is for my benefit but what about her. I am so torn,  i do understand her wanting to know her dad, but my family comes first.  There is nothing i can do until we have the results. We need to do that and work out what to do from there. 
      Thanks for listening, i feel like im in a movie..its so surreal.
      Take care,
      Kathryn xx
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21781
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Kathryn, I know how frightening this thing must be. It is a shocking event, and I can’t imagine how I would respond if it happened to me. But, even if she turns out to be your husbands daughter, I doubt she would be any kind of threat to your family. Your family will stay together. I think if you don’t freak out, your kids won’t freak out either. They seem to follow the parents lead. There may be an adjustment period for everyone to get to know the child and reconcile with her place in your family, but I know you are a caring, compassionte woman and will not reject this girl. Has she grown up with no father at all?
      Please don’t forget that every time you try to make a positive change in your life, obstacles seem to appear to try to trip you up. Don’t fall for it. You can rise above this and not let it throw you off balance. You are doing wonderful in recovery. You have demonstrated amazing inner strength. I just know you will be fine.
      I am praying for you and your family.
      God bless you.Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.

    • #21782
      sherry123
      Participant

      Wow Kathryn, what a bombshell!  You are very wise to have a DNA test done before you do anything else.  I know a couple of guys that found out they had a kid 15-16 years later.  Both had daughter’s that wanted to meet them. I think girls are looking for acceptance and love. At first it was a big family scandal and then a novalty as everyone got to know each other, took family pictures and talked about the past 15 years…but the ‘honeymoon’ stage ran it’s course and both send Christmas Cards but only see their new daughters occaisionally.  Guess after not seeing each other for 15 years, going 1 or more years between visits isn’t a big deal.  I feel so sorry that you have to go through this.  And Vera is right when she says …’for God’s sake…DON’T GAMBLE!’ 
      Who knows, maybe the new daughter will be a God sent gift to your family?

    • #21783
      the cowboy
      Participant

      All I can say to you is hang in there Kathryn, I too am lost for words (shock horror) I dont want this to sound terrible or insensitive but you must focus on you and your family , Its not ideal to have this going on in the background but its times like this that the gambling seems like a logical thing to do……… it isn’t, it might help you forget about everything that is going on for a while but you and I both know the final results.
      geeeee, I think your life story is a film in the making K. I want a part………
      good luck regardless, we are all thinking of ya…
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21784
      kathryn
      Participant

      So he rang her, the woman i HATE for keeping this secret for so long.  What was the good of it…nothing i tell you.  I have never felt pain like this and ive had 3 kids lol (just)
      So how is this…hes going to meet them on Saturday…they are going to sit down and explain to the child that they are going to do a DNA test.  HE IS GOING TO MEET HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Needless to say, i went balistic..wouldnt it be better if we get the results FIRST!!!Oh no, they had a lovely chat, him and the she devil, laughing, everything is FINE. ITS NOT FUCKING FINE. How lovely for them to have the first contact, the first meeting of many im sure. I know im being a bitch but i do not care one bit. He even called her ‘love’. How wonderful, the happy family.  I cant believe this is happening…can someone please pinch, slap, kick me and wake me up from this nightmare??? PLEASE!!
      He says he didnt mean it…’should i have called her a ****???’ he asked me… YES YOU SHOULD CAUSE SHE IS ONE.
      Ok, ive had a rant, im sorry  but it had to be done.  We have talked a lot. We never talk. I told him he needs to start talking to me, all the time, about everything or we are not going to get through this. We also told our Bubba Brea. I didnt feel it was right if Sasha (the love child) knew anything before our baby girl did. She took it amazingly well. She thought it was much worse…jail or murder. I could do both at this stage…
      I truly dont know if i can do this. I feel so betrayed. He didnt know about it, i know that but god, this is a life thing. I dont know if i can ever accept her, shes not my blood, im out of the loop now.  The one thing, really good and amazing thing that I AND I ALONE had was the children. His children.  My bestie, Jode, asked me what i needed.  I told her i need it to be yesterday before this happened.  I dont know what im going to do. i am not coping big time. I am crying at least every 15 mins, he cant understand it.  I dont know what else to say.
      I havent gambled and that is a positive..i hope you have all had a wonderful gamble free day.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xx
      ps…if there is a movie made Al, Anjelina Jolie needs to play me!!!Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21785
      kathryn
      Participant

      Im so sorry about the swear word…it felt so good writing it and i just assumed it would be blanked out so my apologiesFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21786
      daisy56
      Participant

      Good on you for saying you need to talk and keep talking and being able to come on to the site and start trying to make some sense of everything that has been happening, Kathryn. You must be going through so many different feelings about this information and what you are meant to do about it.
      I am sure your daughter is glad you didn’t leave her out of it all. She would have felt so confused about people being upset and angry and she can show you you’re her mum and a special person.
      Take care of yourself as best you can, one day or hour at a time and so good for not adding gambling pain to it all.
      Alison — 9/07/2009 2:25:33 AM: post edited by daisy56.

    • #21787
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Its great that you have your eldest childs support K, I know many other kids that would have flipped. Its not an ideal situation and I cant start to think about how you must be feeling… all I can say is that you have seem to have a great network of friends and family to rely on which is great.. just keep remembering that one single gamble  is not worth the pain and anger that you are feeling, I have been in situations were I have felt that by gambling, this could somehow hurt the ones that have hurt me!!! strange I know, end result was that I ended up the loser, not them. keep strong and remind yourself of this thread….. remember the title, GEEE, you should, you wrote it, "BELIEVE" Kathryn…
       Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21788
      howanan
      Participant

      You are probably feeling betrayed by your husband.  Even though you were separated, it still hurts to get this kind of news.  Why that woman waited 15 years is beyond me.  I know this is not your case but thought I would share.  I met my now husband when his daughter was 13.  She has never spent the night with us.  I think she has come to visit us 3 times, and that was just for money.  She is now 23 and expecting her first child.  We see her and her husband only at Christmas.  What I am saying is Sasha has her own life.  She is naturally coureous about her real father, but I can’t see much of a change in your life.  Gee, I think I would have to go with my husband when he meets the child.  I don’t like the idea of him meeting with that woman.  Are you planning to go with him.  Maybe meet at a restaurant or something like that. The DNA test is a good idea.  And I am glad you shared the information with Brea.  You have raised her right, to be so acceptant of the situation.  You are in our thoughts and prayers Kathrn as you are going through this.  Just think how much worse it would be if you were still gambling?  Stay strong………NancyEveryday we makes choices…..Make your choice today a good one………..

    • #21789
      kathryn
      Participant

      I woke up this morning……
      The birds were singing and….hang on, SLAP SLAP SLAP. Oh..thats right. Now i remember……
      I have a fury in me i didnt know existed. I am beyond angry, i dont know what the word is. And cue the tears….I am SICK TO DEATH of crying. I cannot stop. Dames came in and said "how are you?". He wanted me to say "im great", not a care in the world.  Sorry mate, heres how it is….. You slept with someone else and made a baby. He says he didnt know, my god he had better not be lying to me.  Vera, you hit the nail right on the head.  I could barely read your post for the bawling.. I am betrayed, in the worst possible way.
      Thank you for letting me know it is all right to feel this way.  I want to stab that woman in the heart. Cause thats what she has done to me. I told Dames, if i come up in the conversation, he is NOT to say that im ok. Im not ok and i dont know that i ever will be. I dont know if we will make it through this…its just another kick in the guts to what has been a lifetime of hurt.  One thing after the next…how much more can i take? It feels like the pain is never going to end.  Yes, we go through him meeting the lovely Sasha, then meet the kids, then, meet the family, then Christmas, then Birthdays, then wedding, then, grandchildren.  Well, HIS grandchildren.
      Thank you Nancy for your input, i can only pray to god that this will be the situation for us.  I dont care if it sounds mean…i am not going with him to meet her.  Found out last night that he is going to her house.  Apparently the bitchs husband is going to be there… Cant you see it, lets bring out the baby photos!!!  He told me this morning he wouldnt go if i was that upset. The fact is that i cannot keep feeling like this, i cant go for another week or month. Get the damn thing over with.  I dont think i could sit there, i would end up slapping her face.  I dont want to see Sasha. I have told him that when the time comes to meet the kids i cant be there, i cant do it.  I know that little girl didnt ask to be born but frankly i dont give a ****. 
      Dames is trying to be kind, hes being very considerate of me, checking on me every 5 minutes, making me coffee cause i cant eat a damn thing.  Thats all very nice but how about going back 15 years and not having drunken sex with that woman.  That is the only thing that is going to make it ok. Vera, i have been saying the serenity prayer over and over.  I cant accept this, i dont know how.  I cant get past my own pain to see anything else at the moment.  I want to curl up and go to sleep and never wake up and never have to think about it again.  Better still, ill go and sit at a machine and watch the reels spin until i pass out. No, i am not going to gamble.  He is not going to let this turn me into that evil person again. 
      Poor Brea came in this morning and i was a bawling mess.  I dont want her to feel that she cant cry or say anything to me because im a wreck.  I dont know how much to say to her, should i just tell her how i feel? I dont want to burden her with my stuff.  Her and Dames were in the lounge last night laughing and talking. I know its there way but it makes me feel im the abnormal one.  I think i need counselling.  I dont think i can get through without it.
      Dames just messaged me saying to remember i am his world and will always come first.  I know he is trying so hard….
      Anyway, thanks for reading.  Any advice would be helpful. I need to get past this and ACCEPT.  Unfortunately, that is the hardest thing to do.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21790
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  I don’t believe I’ve ever posted on your thread, but want you to know that I am pulling for you and sending positive thoughts and strength your way.  It is painful to witness your rollercoaster ride of anger, pain, guilt for your kids and pity for your husband’s attempts at making it right.  Wow … what an unbelievable kick in the pants.  I’ve been reading for a couple of days now and I’m so glad to hear that you believe counselling is your only solution.  I think you need a professional, unbiased third party to help you to think straight.
      Don’t ever feel badly for crying … this is a grieving process.  The world you know has changed dramatically, the earth has tilted on its axis.  I can’t imagine your pain and I am certain that I would react with exactly the same rage. 
      I am so thrilled for you that you haven’t let this derail you … I know it would be a great temptation.  But with all the stress you have now, gambling will be the straw that breaks you.  Don’t let it happen.  (I know … MUCH easier said than done!)  Keep up the strength … even in your darkest hour, you are an inspiration to me.
      My thoughts are with you through this crazy journey.
      Hugs,  RG
       

    • #21791
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      I’ve always thought betrayal was an intentional act. Did he intentionally knock up this woman just to vex you? Did you feel that when you were split up from your husband you were betraying him by seeing someone else (if you did)?  What if you had been the one who got pregnant by a man other than your husband during that split up? Imagine how you would feel if he reacted as you are if the roles were reversed.
      Yes, you have a right to be upset by the sudden shock of it all, but the anger is not helpful to you and may be creating a lot of unnecessary tension in your home.
      Check your emotions at the door for a sec and be realistic. There’s a kid who says your husband is her father. So what if it turns out he is? Then what? Tear up the whole family with divorce because you are angry? I really don’t think you would do that. So, what’s the alternative? Crumble? I really don’t think you will do that either. Last option: Take a lesson from Brea. Take it in your stride and make the best of the situation as it unfolds. You can do it.
      I hope you’re not mad at me. I am very supportive of you through this tough time. My heart goes out to you. It’s another obstacle, but life does this to us sometimes. We just gotta get through it, that’s all.
      Peace, and blessings.Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.

    • #21792
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi compulsive…
      If the roles were reversed we would have never got back together bacause we would have known then.  its a bit difficult to hide a pregnancy…that is unless of course you are the lying bitch that decided not to tell MY husband that you are pregnant. Then decide 15 years later that its time to.  You know, she told him to tell me that she was sorry and didnt want to disrupt my family in any way. HOW KIND OF HER.
      If i had given up a child for adoption when i was 15 and they decided to find me and i had never told my husband i would expect him to react EXACTLY as i am. Betrayal…that may be the wrong word for it, i know (at least i think) that he didnt know about the child. I cannot, at this moment in time take anything in my stride. I am full of sadness.  Full to the brim.  And thank you for the advice on Brea, Vera, i know she doesnt need my burden and i will try my very best to leave her out of it. I know i cant change the situation, but i cant change how im feeling and that includes all the tears. I cant cry forever can i?
      I dont know where to start in terms of counselling and legalities. I need to look into things.  My brain is fried.  My eyes do look like 2 spoons of jam (love that) I could pass for chinese at the moment. I got out of the gambling fog, maybe i need to get out of the ‘your husband has a child to someone else’ fog and see how i go 
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21793
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Okay, good. You’re starting to come out of the fog and think how to deal with this situation logically and reasonably. Once the initial trauma wears off, you will quit crying, and still be standing. Tomorrow will be a better day.
      Shalom. (It means "nothing lost; nothing broken.")Keep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.

    • #21794
      daisy56
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Just wanted to say hope you are being kind to yourself and taking little steps to help get through the thousand thoughts going through your mind. You know how much you have put in over the years to build a life for yourself and your family and that is still there. I won’t say more as I don’t want to presume anything, but I do know how much you give to people here so give to yourself too.
      I also will let you know I have an appointment tomorrow to organise self exclusion and counselling as well if I want. I’m actually looking forward to it. Thanks for your support.
      Take care
      Alison

    • #21795
      raymeaux
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Guys are definitely not the best advice/support givers to woman that are an emotional wreck.  But, it’s in some of our natures to at least give it an attempt.  So, I hope you will look past my "logical guy way of thinking" and be able to take away from my post the comfort that I intend for it to give.
      I have a strong faith in God.  I don’t always comport myself in a way that reflects the truths that I believe from His word, but I never doubt the validity of those truths and strive to be better when I allow them to take center stage in my consciousness. 
      So, here’s what I’ve got for you…if you are willing to accept it.
      Everything happens in God’s timing and there is always a reason.  Believe me, I’ve had many a disagreement with God over things that He’s put in my path…but, I’ve always been able to look back at those trials, and if nothing else, see the sense in the "timing".  You say that it would have been better if you would have known about this child BEFORE you and your husband did all of the hard work to strengthen your relationship.  Do you really believe that?  Does knowing about this child diminish what you two have built together?  Would it have been easier to "chuck it all" at the first moment of the challenges you faced to get to where you are in your relationship, had you known about the child?  Would it have been better to find out about this child while you were still knee deep in your addiction?
      I guess what I am trying to say is that your mariaige is strong enough to handle this news.  Your sobriety is strong enough to handle this news.  YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE THIS NEWS.  And I hope your husband, your daughter and (selfishly) all of us get to see God’s strength work in you as you get through this difficult trial.  Because, I have faith in God and I have faith in you, Kathryn.
      Now, you can go back to venting your raw emotions…I know it helps and I’m not trying to discourage you from coming in here wounded and bleeding your feelings out on these pages.   I hope it helps to know that you don’t have to be strong on your own and that God has also placed this forum in your path during a time in your life where it can be a well from which you can draw upon. 
      I hope I haven’t offended you with my beliefs. 
      I’d give you a big hug (even though my shirt would get all wet).
      Ray

    • #21796
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I dont know where to start this time.  Firstly to Alison, i am so pleased you are going to self exclude, it was the best thing i ever did and i hope you confront it with a sense of pride.  You should be so proud of yourself..it is a big step but i believe (at least for me) that it is a necessary one.
      Compulsive, i have to admit, i was very angry when i read your post.  Why shouldnt i be angry? The life i thought i had with my family is gone….then i read it again…there is no productive use for anger.  I am not saying that im still not feeling it, but my life with my family is NOT gone.  I have a tendancy to withdraw when things are going awry, and my god, they are going awry at the moment.  Im still having trouble grasping it, it has only been 2 days so im not expecting a miracle.  I have at least stopped crying. So Ray, your t-shirt is safe.
      Ray, you and my best friend have the same belief.  She keeps saying ‘everything happens for a reason’. I KNOW she is right, it is just soooo hard to think of what possible reason this could be. What i do know is this, Jodie said to me today that if i had of known, we would never have got back together, and we wouldnt have our beautiful boys..she is right.  I am trying to stop playing the victim here and have a bit of control…Dames and i talked a bit tonight and i told him that i could not agree to any more contact until after the DNA test had been done and i didnt know how long after that.  Everything has just moved so fast…
      He said that he was telling them that very thing, i was not so sure, you are a yes man. Not this time he says. We will see.  He also came home with a huge bunch of flowers, he has NEVER bought me flowers in all the years we have been together.  I had to be smart didnt i….’ Well, you always said i would know when something bad had happened cause you would buy me flowers’.  I have to say, it felt good, much to my regret.
      Saturday is going to be the killer for me when he leaves to go up and meet her.  I cant even think about it at this stage… you all know how my mind works and i have some horrific images going on in there. He will fall in love with her at first sight, they’ll be cuddles and tears, he wont be able to leave there, it goes on and on and on. I know it is soooo mean, and i will go to hell for it, but i dont want him to like her.  I know i will ask him every question known to man when he comes home…i need to know everything, and i know its not what i want to hear.  But i need to know the truth, otherwise i will never be able to accept the reality of whatever this meeting will bring.
      So down to Ray, i have not taken one bit of offence to your post, in fact i thought it was very kind.  I am starting to feel (just the tiniest bit) that i might get through this, that our marriage might get through, that i will start to believe that there is a reason for this.  As the days go on, im sure i will be on here calling him for everything, but if i can heal just a little bit every day, i might be alright.
      Lastly, words of wisdom from my beautiful, talented, amazing, mature daughter….she said to me tonight, you will always be our mum, and nothing in the world is ever going to change that.  I said to her that i wasnt the only mum in his life anymore and she said, you are the only mum in ours…(now im crying…bugger)
      How lucky am i? Thanks for reading, Kathryn xx
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21797
      howanan
      Participant

      Each day will get easier Kathryn.  As you accept what may be, then you will realize it is just another part of life.  I too believe in what Rays says.  There is a reason why God does what he does.  Be still and hear the voice of God.  Keep strong………NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21798
      kathryn
      Participant

      I feel sick to my stomach today…tomorrow hes going to see them.  I have just had a big talk with my girl, i asker her how she really felt about it..she is taking it in her stride, she just wants to know for sure, as do i and i think once we do we can move forward.  I also talked about the things that might happen with this child, the visit and all that.  I have told her that no matter what, she needs to do what is right for her. I dont want her doing or not doing what she wants because she will hurt my feelings.  Regardless of what happens, i am hurt, and i told her that but i also told her that i WOULD be alright. It is all about her and what she wants to happen and when.  I also said that she would be a part of any discussion in regards to the kids visiting the girl.
      I am going to see my sister tonight, for tea and to tell her whats going on.  I have told Dames i am going to my GA meeting, he is a private person and wouldnt want me to say anything but i have to talk to my sister.  As with recovery, i am doing what i need to do. After that im coming home to talk to him.  I need to find out what he plans to say, what he will say about my family.  I dont want them to know that Brea knows, i feel it will open a can of worms and im not prepared for me or Brea to be put in a position she does not want to be in.  We dont even know if the test will come back positive yet and i dont want anything else planned, 1.without my input and 2.until we know for sure.
      I asked Dames last night what the slut/mother looked like.  He told me she was fat and ugly.  I said i didnt believe him and then he said there is a photo of her at his brothers.  When she faxed the photo of the girl, there was a photo of her as well.  I need to see that photo. I need that woman to be fat and ugly.  I need to ease my mind that she is not a blonde, gorgeous skinny thing.  I do see her as a threat, i know she is married, but i know the other women will understand, its a vanity thing.  I need to be better than her.  Make sense…hmmmm maybe i am going crazy.
      Anyway, you will all be pleased to know that i havent shed a tear today.  Im saving them up for tomorrow!!!!
      Again, thanks to all of you who posted, it keeps me busy and i do believe my insanity may just be helping you not think about your gambling…..isnt it better when someone has a drama you can focus on!!!!have a great day all, you are all my friends and i am truly grateful
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21799
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Hello Kathryn,
        I’m glad things are looking brighter. I wish you all the best.
      ChrisKeep on keepin’ on…and keep the pledge.

    • #21800
      daisy56
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      It is good seeing you write down how things are going as you work through everything that is happening. It can help you see what is important to focus on amidst the hurt; being able to talk to your daughter and your sister and your husband and taking the time to come on here and try to explain it all. Some of the anger will go with each time you describe how you feel.
      Keep on being kind to yourself as much as you can and remembering all the good stuff you do and how well you are doing. As you said you will be alright.
      Thanks for your comments to me about self excluding. I went along this morning, talked about it and signed the papers! It went really well and I signed for the maximum time of 2 years. As I said when he asked how long – I’m not going anymore so give me the most time I can. I felt strong and certain that it was the right choice. He also gave me a contact for counselling so I will ring to organise that. I am going to do everything that is offered to make sure I do this properly. I did feel a little sad or some sort of feeling as I was driving home that it was all over, but I have felt so much more alive and happy this week. On to new ways to fill our lives. Thank you so much for encouraging me and being generous with your advice.
      Take care and thinking of you tomorrow.
      Alison

    • #21801
      danielle
      Participant

      Hello Kathryn,  I’v been following your thread but have had a hard time finding the words to express how I feel about your situation.  I know how difficult today must be for you and I do hope that things will be resolved in a way that makes you feel okay about this problem. I would be in shock too, however, time does heal.  It may not seem so at the time.  Maybe this child is not his but maybe it is.  You can’t know for sure until the DNA tests come back. This is so sad for everyone involved. Hang in there Kathryn.  You have proven just how strong you are by giving up gambling, now you can prove your strength again by getting through this horrible situation.  Remember, adversity is our best teacher. (darn, I hate adversity!!)    Danielle

    • #21802
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  I’m glad you are looking at this situation through all the angles.  By the time the DNA test come back, you will be able to handle whatever the results are.  Know one knows what they would do in your situation.  You just have to follow your heart.  If God took you to this, He will walk you through this.  That is my motto.  I will be thinking about you tomorrow.  Maybe you should find something to do that will take your mind off that meeting tomorrow.  Please stay strong.  Remember your husband is going through all this also.  You are not alone…………NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21803
      marilee
      Participant

      Holy smokes!  I missed a few days, and logged on to find this bombshell.  I’ve read and re-read the posts about your current situation.  I do not want to cause you any distress beyond what you are currently feeling, but I do want to post my thoughts.  First of all, please remember that all of us offer our support through our own eyes and experiences.  It often colors how we respond, how we see a situation.  No one has exactly your experience, and so comments may be a little off base.  If that is the case with my post, please know that I do not intend to hurt you.
      When I read the story, I see two very strong things.  One, the affair happened at a time when you were not together with your husband, and you do not in fact blame him for this situation.  Secondly, this woman is now married.  Your fears seem to be that hubby will walk into a situation, see doves fly and angels sing, and run away to have a wonderful "family" life with this woman and the girl.  In fact, your fear is that this will happen the moment the door opens.  But here are some things that you don’t know yet:
      When the door opens, will the woman and her husband be standing there?  Do they have a strong relationship?  Why did she keep the child a secret?  Has he always known the child wasn’t his?  Has the child always known this man wasn’t her father?  How long have they been married?  Was the child raised as theirs?  Would the woman have been content to keep this a secret all of her life except that her child needs to know who her father is?  Does the child have medical issues where it is important for her and her family to understand your husband’s background?  Have the family been through many things to get to this stage?  Have they had long late night conversations about what the "right" thing to do was?  Have they been to counselling?  Are they prepared for the impact of this meeting?  Is she an only child, and wants desperately to have a sibling (Brea)? 
      You are feeling tremendously threatened right now.  That is evident in your description of the child’s mother as a slut.  You obsess about what she looks like.  I understand that when you feel so out of control, you need to focus your anger and anxiety on a target.  But you don’t know what this woman went through 15 years ago.  Perhaps she let your husband go because she knew his heart lay with you and your daughter.  Perhaps it was a one night stand, and she had many…and truly did not know who the father was.  Perhaps she was ashamed of the liaison.  Did she have to tell her parents and friends…was she shunned, cut off, left to raise the child on her own?  I am NOT trying to paint a sympathetic portrait of her, I am just trying to point out that right now you have only the bare facts – there is a child that was likely fathered by your husband. 
      Finally, I want to comment about your husband and your daughter.  I am glad to see that you and your husband are discussing this, and you must be very proud of the maturity your daughter is showing.  If you strip everything away Kathryn, what do you really fear?  Losing your husband?  Sharing your husband?  Being cut out of a life of laughter and merriment that your husband and daughter will share with this child (at least in your imagination?)  A wise friend once told me that if I can’t change my reality, I must change my perception, because that is the only thing I can control.  What if you thought about welcoming this child into YOUR family.  About what she might bring to you, your husband and your daughter?  There is room in your heart for many, perhaps there is room for her too.  You have shown repeatedly on this site that you are a lovely, humorous woman who has so much to offer others. 
      I will think about your tomorrow Kathryn, and I will also think about a 15 year old girl who won’t sleep tonight, so great her anxiety and fear about meeting her biological parent.  I will think about your husband, anguished over this turn of events.  I will think about your daughter, wondering if she has to share her father now.  I will think about the mother, wanting nothing but her daughter’s happiness.  I will think of you all Kathryn.  Mostly I will send up a prayer that there be kindness, acceptance and love in everyone’s heart for the sake of the girl.

    • #21804
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      So he has left..and i didnt even cry!!!!
      I have to say, i saw the photo of the mother and from now on i am calling her fester…(uncle fester..addams family) The relief i felt when i saw it was unbelieveable.  I dont know if it is a normal thought to be threatened by her, not that i am anymore.  But thats how i felt and i needed to see exactly what i believed to be ‘up against’.  Yes, Marilee, we have so many unanswered questions about the whole situation but to be frank, i dont care what she went through (fester that is), i cannot sympathise with her for one second.  They have had 15 years to adjust, decide what they were going to do.  We have had 3 days.  She is doing what is best for HER daughter, thats all well and good but every thought in my head revolves around my children.  The anger has gone, to an extent, but when i think of them, i feel absolutely nothing. Well, not nothing, i dont know what i feel to be honest but not one thought is positive.
      As for the one night stand, yes, according to Dames it was…i have told him i have to believe he was so drunk he didnt know what he was doing and i dont want to know if it was any different.
      We had an absolutely rip snorting screaming fight last night…he was in the shower, he came home with an attitude and i went in there and gave it to him.  We needed it, i told him that he f***** her and made a baby and now we have to live with that, with his actions…he went balistic and said that he would have to live with this for the rest of his life…and with that came the taunts from his friends, his family and anyone else.  We both ended up hysterical…I told him that the only people that matter was him and me, all the others can go to hell. 
      Once it calmed down, we talked, he told me what he was feeling, how he was scared to lose everything.  I told him he wasnt losing us, we love him and can face anything that comes. 
      I cannot think of that young girl…my head tells me its not her fault, she didnt ask to be born, but i cannot imagine her walking into my house, ever…maybe that will change, after all, im feeling much more positive today, not for the situation, but for my relationship.  I told my sister last night, she said that it has nothing to do with me, i am just affected by it and shes right.  I dont have to do anything i dont want to do.
      Unfortunately, my reality is not going to change…i dont have the ability yet to change my perception, im sure that will come in time, and if it doesnt, well ill worry about it then.   The worst is over, nothing can be as bad as Tuesday night.  Dames and i have decided we need to be kind to each other, stick together and work on OUR family.  Thats all i can do at the moment, as for fester, i truly hope she is feeling as sick and upset as i have been.  She is seeing things from her perspective, i have to wonder if there is another agenda there.  If she is having as much trouble with this girl as she says..maybe shes looking to pass the buck, maybe she thinks that this meeting will change her daughters (and her) life. Well, she has changed my life. This is going to take me a long time to work through, my emotions are still very raw, as im sure you can see, im changing my mind every 5 minutes. 
      As for my gambling, its day 29, i have to say, the thought comes into my head for about half a second and it is gone, my head is too full of everything else at the moment to worry about it.  So thats one blessing i guess???
      Thanks to all who posted. You know its appreciated, every one makes me feel a little better.
      Ill let you know how it went…Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21805
      gracephnx
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, just checking in as I promised earlier this week – how are you doing now?  Sorry it’s so late, but I have been talking with a friend with family issues most of the day- she needed to get out of the house to avoid saying something she would regret!
      I’ve noticed that you have lots of support here, and you know you never need to feel alone. That’s the thing really – we shouldn’t try to deal with stuff alone, because often (just when we think we are getting control) life is bigger and more unpredictable than any one person alone can deal with. It looks to me like you are on the right track – remembering what really matters and what doesn’t. Pride, ownership, etc, they don’t matter in the end. Only love and intimacy do. 
      I call myself Grace on this site because grace is the quality I aim to develop – and one I think we could all benefit from.
      Hold tight, Kathryn, we are beside you.
      Grace
       gracephnx

    • #21806
      erin
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  I was just reading through your thread, and I am so sorry about the recent turn of events going on with you, your husband and your family.  You were the first person to reach out to me with such kind words and advice.  I wish that you weren’t going through this.  
      Im probably the first and maybe the only one to say this but,   "YIPEEE!!!!!"  I am so glad she is a "fester."  I know that is so surface, but it really does help to know that she’s not this drop-dead knock out gorgeous woman.  No matter how long ago, or what the circumstances were, noone likes to picture their spouse being with someone else.  In our minds, we like to think of ourselves as "the only one."  So I can see how hard this is for you since it’s become a certian reality.  I can see how having his "possible" daughter over would be too much to handle. 
      My husband and I have both been married once before.  We both have children from our first marriage.  None together. 🙁  It took me a long time to "get over" having to deal with his ex-wife.  She was this constant reminder of his past life, and I didn’t want him to have a past life.  I wanted to be his only life.  (I am so hypocritical-because I too had a past life with my ex.)   I would obsess about what they did together, were they happy, blah, blah, blah. But time did run it’s course, and little by little – those thoughts went away.  I realized that my husband is with me, and that was for a reason.  It’s because he loves me.  He LOVES me.  Not her.  Or else he’d be with her.  It’s the same with you and your husband.  He LOVES you.  Don’t picture him with her.  It just messes your mind up.  (Especially don’t picture them now that you know what she looks like.  Yuck-O!!) 
      Time will mend all things Kathryn.  Give yourself time to feel what you feel.  And know that a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, you’ll probably feel different. 
      You are in my thoughts, and keep being strong (gamble-free).     xx   Erin

    • #21807
      kathryn
      Participant

      Grace, Vera and erin, thank you for your posts…and thank you erin for making me lol.  I truly did!!!!! So i did really well today until he rang to tell me he was coming home.You know, fear of the unknown…my head was doing 360’s. He came home and i was in bed (the only place i felt i could hide). He told me that they had the meeting at the house, surprise surprise, kick in the guts #1. He then told me he said all the things that we had discussed, the paternity test, the fact that i was devastated (fester started crying apparently….boo frickity hoo!!!) the time it will take to come to terms with this when the test comes back positive ( i just know it will).  He then spoke about our kids, kick #2, but told them that Brea didnt know.
      He was there for about 2and a half hours.  Im not sure if the husband was there, hmmm must ask him bout that but i know her other children were.  The story goes that when she got pregnant, she told her family that the father was a low life drug addict in the hope that no one would ever look for him. WRONG!!!!!
      She asked Dames if she could give him a letter to give to me.  He said no way, the right answer as far as im concerned.  So for now, the worst is over, we wait for the test, that will be a massive kick….not looking forward to that even if my heart is saying it will be his.  I think he did a pretty good job, IF what he is saying is the truth.  You know, yesterday i went through all his cupboards and drawers, looking for ??????? Stupid i know, i still dont know why i did it.
      He is giving me some space….gone to a mates for a beer.  When hes here i dont want him and when hes not i do.  I truly am a lunatic.  Anyway, thanks all, Bye for now, Kathryn xx
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21808
      gracephnx
      Participant

      Wow! The demon has been faced fair and square and you are still standing. Well done, K! And stay under that doona AS LONG AS YOU LIKE!!!I hope you have a stash of chocolate bars there with you – a Galaxy Bar maybe??? After our choco discussion the other night I went shopping and bought a chocolate bar (mint crisp), and a packet of chocolate biscuits. So much for the diet. And can I say – of little importance though it is with all the big stuff happening around you, your encouragement to me to self-exclude has been a life-changing thing for me. It is a symbolic and public gesture and is already working its magic. Thanks, my friend!gracephnx

    • #21809
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, it sounds like you and your husband have built a very strong relationship and that will get your through all of this.  Stay strong my friend.
      Sherry

    • #21810
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I dont have much to say today…its been fairly quiet, i went and saw mum and Jode, and just potted around the house.  I am feeling better, if only a little, but im having small, i dont know, anxiety, nausea attacks that last for about half an hour.  I dont know how i feel today, a bit numb which is nice for a change, but the brain is still on overload.  I ordered the DNA test today, it took me all my strength to submit it, but i did…small steps. I know whats coming, and i need to get ready for it. 
      Im sorry that i havent been posting a lot, but i have been reading…. im 31 days today.  In the grand scheme of things it is a small achievement, im too busy trying to clear my head and it is one of the most difficult things i try to do… its when i go to bed, im so tired and as soon as i lie down…HELLO!!!!
      Im going back to work tomorrow afternoon, theres no point me sitting here, im better off doing something, anything that will take my mind off.
      Anyway, thank you all for caring, it means the world.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21811
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi  Kathryn,  Wow, 31 days gamble free.  That’s wonderful.  Too bad this recent problem in your life is taking away from that joy.  Keep it up Kathryn and soon, this bad time will be a thing  of the past.  Let it run it’s course,get the DNA results and go from there with it.  I know the suspense is hurting you right now but try and do some enjoyable things with your kids.  It will all work out for you in the end.  Be patient.    Danielle

    • #21812
      jamie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      Blimey! I have just caught up with your post. Blimey! Again! How are you? Forget the others. How are you? I have posted before that your thread always makes me smile and it is always uplifting. Although the smiles are fewer (still a few there though!) the sense of being uplifted has intensified. How great are you handling this? I have the utmost admiration for how you have been and how you have used the forum to vent your anger and rationalise your thoughts. And just when i thought you coudln’t get better I remembered that this is a gambling forum and that you have haven’t gambled! That is ridiculously brilliant! Well done girl! If you go back six weeks and this had happened think how much damage you would have done trying to block out your feelings. Words cannot express how proud I am of you and I hope you feel very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very very proud of yourself. I am not sure if I could have coped one tenth as well as you have. Well done again.
      Look forward to speaking to you soon!
      Take care!
      Jamie
      "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

    • #21813
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a no post day yesterday…i think i was so drained and tired, plus i was a bit nervous about going to work, was i going to break down and be a bawling mess??? I got to work and walked around the staff room corner and there was my friend Gerry, she left a couple of months ago and sometimes does fill in shifts.  Higher Power looking after me? I think so.  She is one tough cookie and really looked after me when i started this job.  She has been nursing for about 20 yrs and has taught me soooo much.  As soon as i saw her, i told her everything, she made me a coffee and we talked and talked.  I knew my night was going to be fine. And it was.
      When i got home, Brea was in the shower and when she got out she came into the lounge and said hi.  I knew that something was up but she said she was going to bed and walked out of the room.  I called her back in and made her sit down next to me and tell me what was going on.  She started crying (her first real emotion) and said that this whole situation was horrible. Damian got out of bed so the 3 of us sat and talked.  She said she needed to talk about it, she couldnt see why we were so upset, she wanted to get back to normal.  I told her that we would proboably be facing a new kind of normal and we just had to go slow and work out what that was.  We then talked about the visit (sasha, brea and the boys) and Dames said he didnt want  to take them.  I told him he had to, like it or not.  Brea then asked if i would be going and i said no.  I think she wants me to go but at this point i dont think i can do it, not even for her.  I think i would make things more uncomfortable for them as i would be an emotional wreck.
      I dont know if any air was cleared, but she is 18 and im trying really hard not to be depressed or upset in front of her…im obviously doing a terrible job.  I can only do what i can do.
      I am having moments of clarity when i think maybe down the track i could be involved, but i also feel that where Sasha is concerned it is none of my business, only the parts that concern my children.  It truly has nothing to do with me in the sense that she is not related to me so i kind of feel im intruding? (dont know if that is the right word)
      Anyway, im rambling a bit, i do know that i feel a bit better and im coming to terms with it all.  Whats done is done and cant be undone.  Brea wants me to make the best of it, and i am truly trying to see things in a positive light but it has only been 7 days today (god, this time last week i was as happy as a lark) i need time and i feel that im being pressured to be over it all already and its just not going to happen overnight.  They need to be patient with me for once!
      On a positive, i went for a walk with my girlfriend this morning after dropping Harry at Kinder (pre-school).  It wasnt all that bad, i have more energy today, hmmm maybe i can do the vacuming.  The hammys were screaming by the end of it but i made it.  There was no talk of the last weeks events (well, not much) and we chatted in between the huffing and puffing (mostly mine).  I think i have finally breathed out, so hopefully things will get much better from here.  On a personal note, Damian and i have never been so close, both emotionally and physically (sorry guys!!).  We havent had a REAL marriage for a long time , so maybe this will be the good thing that comes, us getting closer.  I think we have a new appreciation for each other.  He has been very good to me during all this.  Very attentative and tuned in to my feelings.  I think thats the first time ever.
      Sorry this was so long, i was only going to do a short post and it all just came out.  I havent gambled for i think 32 days now, im pretty proud of that.
      I hope you all hae a wonderful gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21814
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Gee, Kathryn, Sasha is very much your business. This whole situation is very much your business. You are not on the outside looking in, you are right in it. Your life is being affected right along with everyone else’s and you have a right to be completely involved. You are not an intruder, this is your family. No one would expect anything less than your complete involvement. Perhaps you should rethink your decision not to go with your kids to meet Sasha. This is a huge thing for your family and you should be part of this meeting unless you really think it will be too emotionally rough. In any case, stay strong. This will all work out eventually.
      God bless.***************************************************************************Aint nuthin’ gonna break my stride; aint nuthin’ gonna slow me down; oh no,oh no; I got to keep on goin’…

    • #21815
      daisy56
      Participant

      Good to chat with you tonight Kathryn. Thanks for the encouragement! How good that is that you and your husband are connecting so well (in every way, thanks for that!) Sometimes we all need a shock to make us appreciate what we have, unfortunately.
      I think I have done the same with really thinking about what my gambling has done, reading people’s stories about how they have lost the good parts of their lives and hoping that I have stopped in time before I risked affecting my relationship. How could we ever have thought feeding money into a machine was better than sharing a life with another person?
      I know I feel ok with signing my posts with my own name, but then there aren’t many of us aussies so it does feel easier. I know that I am a bit nervous about starting counselling in a nearby suburb and wondering if the people will know me or about me. I teach high school so I know lots of people and even more know me by sight. Well too bad – I’m not doing anything wrong – for once! better than seeing me at the pokies!
      Keep on with the walking – it gets easier really!
      Alison

    • #21816
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Im pretty flat this morning, it seems to take me till lunch time to perk up….i have no energy when i get up and im still really tired.  Plus, Mount Vesuvius has decided to pop up on my face…could i look any worse today.
      Ive got work this afternoon, im sure ill be feeling more energetic by then. Im all the 3’s today, 33 days gamble free, its a nice feeling.  I must say, im not sore from my big walks yesterday, i have heard that the 3rd day is the worst.
      Well, just wanted to pop in a little note, i HAVE to get off my bum and do something.
      Have a great day all,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21817
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Fantastic, Kathryn! Have a great day at work. ***************************************************************************Aint nuthin’ gonna break my stride; aint nuthin’ gonna slow me down; oh no,oh no; I got to keep on goin’…

    • #21818
      sherry123
      Participant

      You’re doing great with 33 gamble free days behind you! …especially with all you’ve been through. 
      I’m sore too.  Didn’t walk but did roll 80 pound hay bales out of the way while my husband was baling.  I’m so out of shape that I can’t lift the bales but my husband looked so full of pride (maybe it was a look of humor. I was not very graceful) as I rolled bale after bale out of his way so he could get done faster.   I am sore today but expect to get out of bed even slower tomorrow.  I wish I could get myself on an exercise routine and stick with it. 
      Hope you got your afternoon energy and had a great day.
      Sherry
       

    • #21819
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Im flat chat today, so i thought id quickly post before i go…im getting my tax return done this morning, hope i get a good refund, i have plenty to claim, then home and Harry to kinder, then Brea to the dentist straight after, then if Jodie gets her keys to her new house ill be helping her unpack.
      So thats my day, ill be exhausted by tonight but i have more energy than yesterday and im not too sore, its my shins that are the worst.  Sherry, i couldnt ever imagine pushing hay bales, i have no upper body strength whatsoever so well done to you.  Its raining here today, a bit miserable, but i did have a good night at work, no dramas.  This weekend is my weekend on, which i dread each and every time and then when its over i think, well, that wasnt so bad.  I think its the early mornings that kill me.
      Anyway, wishing you all a happy gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21820
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I feel bad at the moment.  I had the busy day today, got a great tax return and took Brea to the dentist (she needs 8 fillings, well only 7 now!!!) Anyway, went to my friend Jodes who is moving into her brand new house, had a visit and told her to message me when she was going back down there after tea and i would come around and help.
      So, it got to 10 past 8 and im thinking, she must have had trouble with her kids and is running late.  I rang her and she was already there and said there wasnt much to do as her aunt was there and had done most of it.  Turned out i had turned off the phone when we were at the dentist and hadnt turned it back on.  This woman has done soooo much for me, not just at the moment but for the last 20 years.  She is the best freind i have ever had and i feel i have let her down by not being there in HER time of need, be it unpacking or anything else for that matter.
      My son has daycare tomorrow so im going to go over as soon as i drop him off and do as much as i can for her.  Im very annoyed at myself, but im also a bit annoyed at her as i really wanted to help her do this, its the least i can do for her after what she has done for me (you dont know the half of it).  I love her like my sister, im closer to her than my sisters and i hope, if she ever reads this that she knows that.  I just wanted to give something back to her, she has saved me many times, been my voice of reason, a shoulder to cry on (plenty of that lately) and a wonderful influence on my children.  My own personal angel, im a very lucky woman.  So, tomorrow, whether she likes it or not ill be there.
      I didnt have an urge today, proboably the first day ever.
      Wishing you a wonderful gamble free day, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21821
      daisy56
      Participant

      I’m guessing Kathryn that you are beating yourself up about not helping your friend much more than she is thinking you weren’t there. I’m sure you both helped each other out lots of times so it evens out. You don’t count the times when you are good friends.
      It’s great how you describe your days and how busy they are – reminding all of us that busyiness is good in our lives and we don’t need to have that fake rush and zoning out that we used to look for. It never really brought any pleasure, whereas living in the moment, even when it is tiring and we complain about working too hard, is good.
      Hope you can keep the walking going. I’m going to do better with it – I actually enjoy walking around my neighbourhood and checking out people’s gardens!
      Alison

    • #21822
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      This is the first chance ive had to post for 3 days!!! I know, not like me at all.
      So Friday i spent the whole day, from 9 till 2.30 helping Jodie to unpack, then i was off to work at 4.30.  I finally feel better in myself knowing that i could help her.  Im going to be there tomorrow as well, Harry has kinder and i have all morning, we are going to do all those its and bits we leave till last.
      I worked all weekend, i was exhaused yesterday and didnt even have the energy to open the laptop, we were really busy. Today was better, i was a lot less tired and we had an open day, which was interesting, we had a guy singing and he was terrible. It was hysterical cause all the old ladies loved him, he was singing to them and winking, a scream.
      I have made a decision regarding the DNA test.  Dames and i are going to Sydney on the 31st July for the weekend, it was meant to be a little romantic getaway, plus we are going to the footy up there.  I have decided i dont want to know the results of the test until we get home.  It has taken so long (well, it feels that way) for me to come to terms with what may be, that if i know before we go then i will spend the whole weekend wondering what we are going to do next.  I just want to go and have fun and not have to think about the next step till we get back.  The test kit hasnt arrived yet, so on the Thursday before we go im going to send it off.  Then theres no way of finding out until at least 3 days after they recieve it.   That will be the week after the trip.  I cant see why another week will hurt, we didnt know for 15 years…..anyway any thoughts would be appreciated. 
      I truly havent had time to even think of gambling this weekend, so my days are up to 37!!! woo hoo!!!
      I hope you all had a great weekend, ill be doing a lot of reading tonight and i only work 2 shifts this week so plenty of group for me.  Cant wait.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21823
      kathryn
      Participant

      I got the DNA test in the mail today.  I feel sick, this is really happening.  You know, it was almost starting to feel like a bad dream.  I cant even say the words to Damian. I googled DNA tests in Australia and this one came from Canada.  Very obvious envelope, saying there were sterile swabs inside.  The postman is Damians sisters boyfriend, i hope he didnt look to hard at it.  I thought it would be very discreet….NOT!
      Bye for now, Kathryn xx Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21824
      vera
      Participant

      hi Kathryn,
      It’s a terrible breach of confidentiality! What if a husband was having this test done unknown to his wife…Just put it to one side now and DETACH!
      I don’t mean to be mercenary (well I do really). You’re husband got you into this mess. Why are you picking up the tab by taking all the stress? Let him sort it!
       all the sevens

    • #21825
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Kathryn, I agree with Vera. I think your husband needs to pick up the ball from here. You’re in this thing together, but at the same time he has to do his part. You ordered the test now he can take care of getting the samples and sending them in. You’ve been stressed enough over this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
      God bless.***************************************************************************Aint nuthin’ gonna break my stride; aint nuthin’ gonna slow me down; oh no,oh no; I got to keep on goin’…

    • #21826
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Girls, and thanks for your replies,
      Well, i didnt have to tell him afterall as fester sms him and said she had got the test and ‘where do i send it’? He asked if we had got his and i said yes and that there is a return envelope in the kit if she bothered to have a good look.   As for the envelope, i agree Vera, you wouldnt want to be doing it in secret and trying to hide it from the wife/husband. To top things off i have shocking pmt at the moment and was as sh***y as hell last night.  They all stayed away from me which is what i needed.  Im working tonight and tomorrow night (evening) so that will ease their minds as they dont have to put up with my bad mood.
      I have a lot of housework to catch up on this morning while Harry is at kinder.  When i do my weekend at work there is always a mountain of stuff to do the next week…drives me crazy and doesnt help my mood!
      Damian and Bailey are going up to his mothers on Saturday and they are going camping overnight with his step-dad.  I will have a lovely time with Harry, im not sure if Brea will be home and i have to work at the market on Sunday with my step-dad.  I have had gambling thoughts this morning, you know, if i hadnt self excluded, i would be going as soon as i drop Harry at kinder.  But i cant so i wont…..the washing will never get put away!!!!
      I hope you all have a wonderful, gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21827
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      So….they say life begins at 40.  Well, im not 40 till next year, i cant even think about that at the moment!!!! But today is my day 40 of not gambling.  40 days, looking back now they have gone pretty quick, not so at the time. Some of those days went forever.
      My son woke up this morning and his eye was swollen completely shut.  I think he has been bitten by a mozzie or a flea.  He has bad reactions to bites so i have given him some antihistamines and its slowly starting to open up.  I must say though, it looks hilarious….i wish i could post the photo, i took one on my phone.  As ususl, he hasnt complained at all, he is a beautiful child, well not so much at the moment with the eye!!!!!
      Anyway all, have a great gamble free day.  Im feeling very positive today, and i could almost say….happy?
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21828
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Kathryn, try applying a warm, wet cloth to his eye. It could help. You can warm a cloth in the microwave, but be careful cuz it gets very hot, very fast.
      Congratulations on 40 days. I know it’s been tough, some days worse than others, but you made it through 40 days even in the face of extreme adversity. If I had to be in a foxhole fighting in war, I’d want someone strong like you there with me. You are a real inspiration to me.
      God bless.
      ***************************************************************************
      Aint nuthin’ gonna break my stride; aint nuthin’ gonna slow me down; oh no,oh no; I got to keep on goin’…– 7/21/2009 11:22:20 PM: post edited by compulsiveme.

    • #21829
      howanan
      Participant

      Kathryn,  I’m glad you are feeling happy today.  And 40 days wow.  My counsellor asked me did I ever think I could stop gambling that long?  It feels good doesn’t it?  Remember to keep your barriers up.  Yes the warm wash rag is a good idea.  It will help open the eye faster.  Have a happy day……….NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21830
      kathryn
      Participant

      Just a quick note in regards to the eye.  I did the warm cloth, thanks C.  I took him to the chemist this afternoon, it had opened up about halfway and he told me if it started to swell again to give him more antihistamines (its a 24 hour dose) otherwise give him some more in the morning.  When i left for work it was still pretty red and swollen but at least the poor little bugger could see. Ill have a look in the morning and take it from there. Thanks for your advice. And yes Nancy, it does feel good.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21831
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hey all,
      Well done for 40 days Kathryn, I think you are a very good example of someone that gets bad news and deals with it in a positive and proactive way. To be fair, had the same thing happened me, I am not too sure if I would have coped as well so well done, it is refreshing to hear your continued pledge to stay gamble free. I am sure there will be many people out there who will come up against difficult situations, I just hope they all (including me) can show the same level of bravery as you!
      I am starting to think about gambling again and in my head I am justifying reasons why a weeeeee gamble would be OK. Its like I am having this argument and sometimes I think I am ok and sometimes the beast inside of me strikes a cord the sounds plausible…. I will keep thinking positive and posting here but I am concerned as to why I am thinking like this… to be fair, reading this thread and many many others help me seeeeeeeee sense….
      Laters
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21832
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thanks Al for your post.  Im not sure that i am brave, but what i do know is i love my husband so much and dont want to lose my family because of this setback.  Fact is, no matter what the result i am going to have to make the best of it and work WITH my husband to make it work. 
      As for my not gambling during the last few weeks, the fact that i self excluded was really the main reason i didnt go.  There were times i would have hopped a plane and gone to another state to gamble, but of course, i didnt want to go back to the sad, depressed lunatic i was.  So in that respect i am proud that i made it through.  Mind you, theres still a ways to go, but i think the worst is truly over.
      Today i went shopping with my daughter.  I actually bought some things for me, and what was interesting was that i didnt look at the pricetag.  I bought some underwear and for the first time i just grabbed the pack and went and paid for them.  I didnt know how much they cost until i got to the register. I havent done that for years and years and boy did it feel good.  I spent $300 today, i also got some long winter boots, our football tickets for next weekend and a few things at the chemist.  When i was gambling, i spent that kind of money in an hour.  When i came home and added up what i spent i thought ‘oh my god, that was so much money’.  But in my gambling days that was a drop in the bucket.
      It was nice to go out and spend my money on me!
      Anyway, i hope you all had a happy gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21833
      sherry123
      Participant

      Good for you Kathryn, making your money count for something. Sounds like you had a good time too.  I know what you mean about blowing that much at the casino without much of a thought but thinking twice about spending it on things you need or want.  Our perspective of money was sure distorted for a while!  At least we are working our way back to reality.

    • #21834
      kathryn
      Participant

      I want to gamble today.  I have the money and the means.  To sit, and get in the zone i love.  Ive got the pit in my stomach, the gambling pain i call it. I would like nothing more.
      But im not going to gamble TODAY.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21835
      kathryn
      Participant

      Im a little bit cross,
      I was just in the shed with my husband and my nephew turns up.  Says that his ex girlfriend (whos 16) is pregnant by him.  Says shes having a termination.  Hubby says ‘her parents will have to get her on the pill".  I pipe up and say ‘Tom, you need to use a condom". Tom says "i was really drunk".  Damian pipes up and says ‘Well, its always the drunk ***** that get them pregnant" and laughs. Yeah, REAL FUNNY.
      Anyway, i have left the shed and come inside.  I wanted to slap his idiot face.  Very sensitive.
      Anyway, no gambling, so thats good, i hope you have all had a good weekend.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21836
      meglee
      Participant

      HI kathryn
      I just wanted to pop in here and say hi to you. I read and post regularly in F&F, but i also read in journal frequently too.
      We both found this site about the same time, and i, like you, am so grateful to have found it. I feel honored to have the privilege of meeting so many open-minded, caring and supportive individuals. I love the replies and the support that you offer others in the threads i have i read, and that prompted me to read your whole story.
      Wow. What a journey you have had, and what a journey you are on. I am in awe of what you have been/are going through… and you have continued to write such incredibly positive supportive stuff to others who are ‘in need’, at a time when you would have been totally forgiven for focussing totally on yourself!
      Hey chook. You are one awesome lady, and you you are made of strong stuff.
      I have not been through what you are going through, but i’ve had some experiences of my own…and i agree whole-heartedly with your best friend – everything happens for a reason! This is some incredible (and obviously painful) journey you are on just now… so just imagine what incredible (and wonderful) things may come of it!!!!? My favourite saying is "there is no growth, without pain" (in other words….what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger right?! LOL).
      One is left thinking that your ‘higher power’ is propelling you forward at a great speed, knowing, full well, there are many great achievements instore for kathryn….
      Well done on your recovery to date. Much respect to you for ‘keeping it together’ to get through this DNA test scenario.
      Please keep posting.I will continue to follow your journey and i’ll be cheering you on too.
      Much love and light to you 
      Meg
       
       ‘The will of God will never take you, where the grace of God will not protect you’

    • #21837
      sherry123
      Participant

      Another worry for you Kathryn…and you still didn’t gamble.  Good for you! Too much stress is a trigger for me but so is calm and boredom.  I’m proud of you for not running to the casino.
      7 years ago my son and his girlfriend of 6 months announced she was pregnant.  I was upset but hid it.  I hugged them both and my first beautiful granddaughter was born.  I witnessed her birth…and was present at the birth of my next 3 granddaughters too. Beautiful (and scary) experiences.
      After 2 little girls, my son’s wife wanted a divorce.  My son was devestated but started dating after about a month.  His first girlfriend was a very pretty young lady with two little kids.  My son told me she was pregnant.  I went through the roof.  No hugs, no congratulations only ‘are you stupid?’   I think my son was trying to re-create his prior life but the young lady was an opportunist.  Thankfully, my son found out she was lying about being pregnant before she actually did get pregnant…and she stole money from him so that relationship ended. I think he learned his lesson that it takes a while to know someone and, most importantly, to use of birth control.
      Maybe your nephew’s ex is lying about being pregnant.  Whether she is pregnant or not, it’s not to be taken lightly and hopefully your nephew learns a lesson that sticks with him the rest of his life.
      Keep caring and sharing.  Your posts are very inspirational.
      Sherry

    • #21838
      amy25
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I thought i would have a ‘quick’ read through your thread and i have to say it turned into a rather long read! Blimey, you have had it tough, how the hell have you managed to keep going???
      I think you have handled this situation very well and i fully understand your feelings of anger and hurt, i know if i was in your position i would feel hatred for this other woman, you have done brilliantly not to gamble during this time and to manage to stil come on here and support others.
      You are obviously a wonderful mother who cares deeply for her family, I hope you enjoy your weekend away with your husband and manage to get some peace and rest.
      Keep up the good work 40 + days is fantastic!!!
      Amy xxx

    • #21839
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Thanks for your lovely reply on my thread. I was delighted to read it, though saddened that you would feel that you are not ‘worthy’ to post in F&F… or that you are ‘the baddie’. Please don’t feel like that, you have so much insight to offer.
      As the ex-partner of CG I am always pleased to see posts from RCG’s like dek and vera (among others) on the family and friends pages, because they are open, honest and frank. They often say things that i would like to post but i sometimes feel if I said it, it would/could come across as bitterness (because i am the ex partner of a CG). So if you feel like popping in…. please do! This site is an AMAZING community (unlike any i have come across on the internet), and we can all learn from each other.
      ALL of us on this site are in recovery of some form or other. As partners/family/friends of CG, our recovery involves having to face the hard honest truth of the illness that affects our lives. Many of us are in our own form of denial. The reason we come here is to get perspective. Your input ( and the input of others from ‘journal’ ) adds to that perspective.
      Kathryn you should be mighty proud of your 44 days! And given the added challenges the universe has sent you at this time you are proving that you are made of strong stuff…. (even if you dont quite feel it just now)
      sending you a big cyber-high-five! (LOL)
      Love and light
      Meg
       ‘The will of God will never take you, where the grace of God will not protect you’

    • #21840
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      So, as you all know im off on the weekend to Sydney.  I have 2 concerns…1- that i am going to gamble, i have no barriers in Sydney and 2- that Damian and I are going to run out of conversation….i know that sounds strange coming from me, as you all know, i never shut up..lol. 
      We are going to do the DNA test tonight, ill send it off tomorrow.  We havent spoken about it at all in the last week, its like if we do, all the good that is happening between us will be gone.  I really dont want to do it but at the same time, we need to know, i need to know.  I think we dont want to break the bond we have created in the last few weeks, but there is a little thing called reality that i need to face.
      Ive been reading that a few people have slipped this past weekend.  While i find it upsetting for them, i must say it just strengthens my resolve not to gamble.  Im glad they posted, it brings back the memory of gambling, losing and leaving with nothing.  Im on my 46th day today. 
      Tim said something to me last night about gambling urges…..when we have urges, we are in active recovery.  It is when we deny or ignore them, that we are not working on our recovery.  I have been thinking about that a lot.  I guess, having the urge to gamble and making the decision not to, means we are facing the demon head on.
      Well, i hope you all have a wonderful, gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21841
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Kathryn,
        Thank you for your encouraging post on my thread. Honestly, I would never have made it as long as I did, had it not been for your encouragement.
        I am so glad you were able to get past that severe urge. It’s really hard when you have the money, the time and the opportunity. It’s a good thing you self excluded and resisted flying to another state. You took the time to think about it realistically. I really think slips are more likely to happen if we start daydreaming about it. It seems to cause the urge to grow. Kudos for resisting!
      God bless.***************************************************************************Aint nuthin’ gonna break my stride; aint nuthin’ gonna slow me down; oh no,oh no; I got to keep on goin’…

    • #21842
      sherry123
      Participant

      Have a wonderful time in Sydney!  I’ve never been there…haven’t been to many places.  Went to the Bahamas once. Other than that, Canada is the only other country I’ve been to.  Someday maybe.
      Hope you are so busy and having fun that gambling isn’t even an issue.  Can you tell your husband your worries and ask for his help?  Always remember, if you don’t place that first bet, you can’t place the next hundred after that. Don’t allow yourself even one spin. I think you will be just fine Kathryn.  Have fun!

    • #21843
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  You should be so proud of your progress.  You have been sorely tested and still held firm … good on you!!  Don’t think so far ahead.  One day at a time.  Perhaps you could make a list of all the things you’ve ever wanted to do in Sydney … and then do those.  It looks like such a beautiful and vibrant city … there must be tons to do.
      I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.  Stay strong.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21844
      daisy56
      Participant

      Enjoy Sydney, Kathryn, great place to spend a weekend! (I grew up in Sydney.) So many beautiful sights to see and shopping to spend your money on! Put your thoughts into those things, not thinking about other places you could go where you’d waste your time.
      Thanks for writing Tim’s advice about active recovery – that makes a lot of sense to me right now. I am getting exhausted with how active I have to be with this recovery, but we just have to keep on keeping on!
      Look forward to hearing how your weekend goes.
      Alison

    • #21845
      jamie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Have a great time in Sydney! If you enjoy it half as much as you deserve to you will have the best time ever!
      I understand you concerns about going there. As you have posted quite often recently self-exclusion has been a formidable friend in helping you not to gamble and, in Sydney, he/she won’t be there. So you have to replace it somehow. What about discussing these concerns with Damian? Perhaps tell him about your concerns about what might happen and that you need his help in keeping you on the straight and narrow. Don’t be afraid to ask for his help. It is a sign of immense strength and self-awareness, not weakness.
      I totally agree with Tim’s words of wisdom about gambling urges. When I first entered GH I was amazed that some people, early in their recovery, would say that they had no gambling thoughts or urges. So why was I having loads? Did that mean I was worse than them? I found the courage to bring this up and I believe this helped my recovery in a huge way. By acknowledging their presence we diminish their power. It’s like being in bed and being scared of a shadow at the bottom of the bed. Do we stay in bed, scared and frightened? Or get out of bed and turn the light on?
      Anyway, enough of my rambling! I truly hope you have a fantastic break and look forward to speaking to you soon!
      Take Care
      Jamie
      "Success is how high you bounce once you hit rock bottom"

    • #21846
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I totally get the words from Tim about being in active recovery, loving his (tim’s) work!
      I too am fighting urges, I actually feel drained at times…
      How come some days you can fight the urges fairly easily and others seem to be the biggest test of your life??? This gets me down from time to time as I find these days are near enough lost due to my ‘non gambling thoughts’, Dont get me wrong, I love not gambling but i seem to have days/weeks of being on a constant high and then this week I feel like I belong to be a gambler.
      Anyhow, K, stay strong, the urges this weekend will be testing for you and your hubby, It might be an idea (if you havent already) explaining to your hubby how you are feeling about being able to gamble without the fear of getting slung out on your ear! HAve a lovely break and enjoy every minute of it…. YOU DESERVE ITPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21847
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I have just read your post on Willit’s thread and as always when I read such words from a person with the compulsion to gamble I find myself looking for the author.
      Please don’t break your heart for our threads. We have to learn that someone we love has an illness that they cannot help without support. What you write does not sound ‘dumb’ but please don’t give yourself unnecessary guilt. We are not on different sides. I think we are two halves of the same illness. We can either chose to carry on or change our lives. That is difficult for all of us but we ‘all’ have the ability to make our own choice.
      ‘You’ did nothing to the F&F forum apart from share in it, which is great. Your illness will probably have hurt those around but it hurts you too. I am not a CG and I cannot judge.   You are not responsible for all the pain that this illness inflicts.  
      I want both forums to succeed in supporting gamble-free lives and I rejoice in every success.
      It is great to see you in F&F – please pop in again
      Loads of Love
      Velvet xxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #21848
      kathryn
      Participant

      Velvet,
      I couldnt find a thread for you on the F&F so hopefully you will come back here and see this post.  I truly think the acceptance of the F&F community is amazing, so forgiving and most of all understanding in what seems to be one of the least understood addictions of them all.
      I must say, i like thinking we are two halves of one whole, helping each other indirectly.  I have actually seen the F&F in a whole new light.  As for guilt, i dont have guilt anymore Velvet, regret yes, lots of regret, but i know i am working towards a new life, i guess the posts on your forum remind me of the pain i dont want anyone else to have to go through.  As you said though, we all have choices in our life, and If quitting gambling was easy i certainly would not be here. I wish everyone here, on this site a lifetime of happiness, and although it doesnt come easy, hopefully everyones hard work will pay off and we can live the lives we truly deserve.
      Now, just a question Velvet, and i will apologise now if i read wrong, but i was reading a thread and someone said you revealed your true age…..96? Is this true or did i read it wrong…my sincerest apologies if i misunderstood.  You dont have to tell me if you dont want to, im just a sticky nose!!! 
      Anyway, hope i havent offended you, thank you so much for posting, it means a lot.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21849
      howanan
      Participant

      Kathryn,  Have a great time this weekend.  Just stay gamble free one day at a time.  Don’t worry about tomorrow, it is too overwhelming.  You will be fine….. NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21850
      amy25
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I like the advice Tim gave to you about urges, i had never thought of them like that before.
      I hope you have a wodnerful time in Sydney and don’t let your worries take over the excitement of going and the enjoyment of being there. i’m sure both your worries will come to nothing and you will scold yourself for being so concerned! Just go and have the truely relaxing and peaceful break you and your husband both deserve 🙂
      Take care,
      Amy xx

    • #21851
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      No apology needed. According to Donought (in F&F) I am 126 and live in a tree.
      I always said I was 29 but eventually I was sussed because I admitted I lived with the addiction for over 23 years before my 37 year old son CG faced his demons and committed to a gamble-free life.   The ever resourceful F&F put 2 and 2 together and sadly I had to admit that maybe I was a tiny bit older.
      I am glad you do not carry guilt. Regret I understand. 
      You could not offend me and I will pop over every now and then and see how you are getting on. I do have a thread somewhere but being ancient I have probably lost it!!
      Sorry I haven’t really answered your question but if you think you have a sticky nose you have not been on the receiving end of an F&F group inquisition. xx
      Loads of Love
      Velvet xxxx
       

    • #21852
      willitgetbetter
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Thank you for taking the time to post on my thread.  I appreciate your kind words.  Glad to see that you have met our wonderful "Aunt V" 🙂
      Willit

    • #21853
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you all for your lovely words of encouragement…i will be remembering them while away.  Velvet, i have to say, i was a bit dissapointed that you werent 96..lol…i was excited at the prospect!!!!
      So, i had a fight with Brea last night, she told me i hated her boyfriend and that i make the house uncomfortable when he is here (he stays at least 3 nights a week), she is moving out early next year because of it.  I told her that i have tried for almost 2 years to make Cameron (bf) feel comfortable in this house, but after only getting grunt answers from him i have decided that i would say hello and goodbye as im over the whole thing and im not going to get down and lick his feet to make HIM feel better.  He is a very rude and ignorant person, i simply cant be bothered anymore.  I dont hate him, but he’s 19 for gods sake and he cant say ‘Hi Kathryn, how are you?’. She says he is scared of me…what a crock of s**t.  He has no manners, and that is one thing i am big on in this house and she knows that.
      When she told me she was moving out because of me i was soooo hurt.  And she knew it! I just said ok and walked out of her room and came and got on the computer.  Later on, she came out and said she was sorry, she didnt mean it, she was stressed with school etc…..i told her how she made me feel, i also told her that if she wants to move out that is fine but im not going to be the reason she does.  I dont hate him, i dont know him.  What i do know is he makes her happy and thats all that matters but im not tiptoeing around him.  She says she is in the middle, i say, if i say anything to Cameron he would start bawling so why would i do that…just more ammunition for her.
      Anyway, we kinda sorted it out…i think.
      We still havent done the DNA test yet, Dames is putting it off, understandably.  We’ll just do it when we get back from Sydney i think.  I am really looking forward to it (Sydney that is, not the DNA test!!!)
      Anyway all, have a lovely gamble free day, im off to finish scrubbing the shower (worst job in the world)
      Bye for now, Kathryn xx 
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21854
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, That was an interesting exchange with Brea. I’ve never raised kids so I am clueless. I think you were right to tell her how you feel about her boyfriend, though. I also think it’s not asking too much for someone to be friendly or at least respectful toward you in your own home! Surely Brea can understand your side.
      I’m sure Brea feels caught in the middle, not wanting to alienate either of you. But, to me, it seems you are the one caught in the middle, not wanting to alienate Brea, but at the same time, expecting her guest to behave appropriately toward you in your home. Maybe you could talk to Cameron and tell him how you expect him to act toward you and the rest of the family when he visits. Could be he’s just a little socially inept if he hasn’t had much training. I dunno. But, I think you did good to let Brea know you weren’t buying her spiel about moving out because of you!
      I envy you going to Sydney. I wish I could go to anywhere in Australia! Maybe someday. I could have taken a couple of high class cruises around the world already on what I’ve gambled over the years. So far the closest I can get to getting out of the country is to drive a few miles to the Canadian border. LOL. Oh well. Someday I may be able to get to travel if I save those pennies.
      Have a great trip and don’t worry about Brea. You have something Cameron can’t replace or compete with: a history with your daughter.
      God Bless.
      ***************************************************************************
      Aint nuthin’ gonna break my stride; aint nuthin’ gonna slow me down; oh no,oh no; I got to keep on goin’…– 7/29/2009 1:42:42 AM: post edited by compulsiveme.

    • #21855
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Got to work tonight and the boss has decided that the work i (and many others) do is not enough…they have piled on more work.  Im not impressed.  Yes, at the moment things are quiet and we can get the work done.  But when we get busy (we have 6 empty beds) and it will get busy, this is not going to work.  We were not consulted about the changes at all….its all about the almighty dollar, and a few team leaders who cant be bothered doing their own work…very annoying. They are determined to push us over the edge, and ill proboably be the first to fall, im pretty near the edge as it is….
      Have a great day all, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21856
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thought id pop in a post before i go on the big bird……I have lots to do today, not only packing, but getting bedding organised, my sister is coming down, with her 5 children to stay sat and sun night. Her ex mother in law (she only split from her husband of 35 years a few months ago) has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and hasnt very long to live so they are all coming to see her, proboably for the last time.  I also have Baileys school concert tonight, timing couldnt be worse really, but i will have everything organised today (hopefully).  We are leaving here at 6.30 tomorrow morning so i NEED to have everything done. 
      Usually, when i have lots to do i go into meltdown.  Proboably why im sitting here typing, i just dont want to start!!!!
      I am keeping my resolve not to gamble this weekend.  I hope you all do the same, send me some good vibes please.  I can do it, i know i can. 
      Wishing you a wonderful, gamble free weekend, take care all,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21857
      sherry123
      Participant

      Maybe it’s the economy.  All businesses are trying to stretch the profits with less employees, more work and less pay. Guess that is the times we are living in.  Hope it isn’t as bad as you are expecting.
      Have a safe trip…and lots of fun.
      Sherry

    • #21858
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hey K,
      I hope you have a wonderful gambling free time away with your hubby, you both deserve it!
      its funny, when I used to plan holidays etc i would think about how this was going to upset my gambling time, or I would spend my 1st day haunting for the ‘best’ gambling joint to spend a few hours of my day in. I hope that my next holiday I will be thinking about how I am going to keep an eye on a 3yr old and a new born (all being well)
      drink plently and enjoy yourselves, turn that mobile offfffffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21859
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a wonderful weekend in Sydney…it was amazing, Dames and i ate, drank and DIDNT GAMBLE!!!
      We spent a lot of time down near the bridge and Opera house, which was lovely, went on the ferry over to Taronga Zoo, and of course went to the football, where we won by 1 point!!!! Every pub we went into had a machine, and i mean 1 machine (wierd) but we talked about how much fun we were having and how we didnt need to gamble…and we really didnt.
      When we got home my sister and her kids, grandchild (8 in total) were here.   They stayed last night, it was a very late night for me, as im lucky to see them once a year.  They left this morning.  My house is a wreck but hey, how often does it happen.  I will spend most of today catching up on posts, im dying to see how everyone is, i really missed not being able to come on when i felt like it.
      Anyway, it was a good feeling driving home knowing we still had money.  We would have blown the lot for sure.
      Now its time to face reality.  Have a great day everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21860
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I am sooo pleased that you had a great time, Its good to see that gambling didn;t play a part in your weekend.
      What else is great to see is, you COULD have gambled as you arent banned in this state but you DECIDED not to. well done you, it goes to show how far you have came K!!!
      keep her lit!Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21861
      daisy56
      Participant

      Well done on your happy weekend in Sydney and enjoying everything without gambling. What a great feeling! Sydney is so good as a holiday place.
      I wish I could say my weekend was good too, as it should have been and as I had planned, but I gambled and I’m ashamed and disgusted with the stupid decision I made. But when I get such great encouragement from people like you, I knew I had to come back on and do everything and more that had been working and get it right. 
      Thanks for your support and for your descriptions of how full and good life is when you fill it with family and trips and work.
      Alison 

    • #21862
      meglee
      Participant
    • #21863
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi

    • #21864
      meglee
      Participant

      Haha, this is reminiscent of your very first post on this thread!!!
      Kind of like, I open my mouth to speak…….and nothing comes out!  (you can bet that doesn’t happen often with me!!! LOL)
      Sorry, I seem to have the computer gremlins on this site this week Grrrr!
      Anyway… I was posting to say, YAY sounds like you had a fab weekend with your man in sydney – and gamble-free!
      Go-Girl! You show such determination in your posts Kathryn, and I have no doubt as to how you inspire others. A wise old friend recently said to me, when we were talking about life stuff, achievements and ‘progress’, that "..if it wasnt hard work  – then it probably wasn’t worth it". It seemed like a simple no-brainer comment to me until i thought about it a bit more. It relates pretty well to recovery for all of us (RCGs and F&F too). Achievement doesnt come without some commitment to hard work, and you’re putting in the work!
      I just found out I’m off to Sydney next month too! My beautiful best friend has just shouted me a trip, just the two of us (NO KIDS!) for 5 days. I lived there for a few years, infact it was where i met my CG, so it’ll be a trip down memory lane. I cant wait!
      Hope you’re recovering from your house full of guests!
      Much love and light
      Meg

    • #21865
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      So, Damian and i havent really spoken about the DNA test….you know, the old ignore it and it will go away. Anyway, tonight i say to him that he just has to do it.  I know he doesnt want to, god only knows i dont want him to, but it has to be done so lets do it and get it over with.  Ive just finished eating, he says.
      I was on group, 3/4 the way through and he says come on then, lets get it over with.  Now, i KNOW it has to be done, i KNOW what will be will be and i KNOW i cant change the outcome.  So off we trudge to the bedroom, he does it (a whole 30 seconds) and its over.
      Im sitting here now, all the old feelings are re-surfacing.  Would someone like to explain to me why.  Everything will be ok, he says and i KNOW its true, we will be ok, but im back there in that little hell i created and im pretty ****** off about it.  Am i wrong in thinking that this shouldnt be happening? That its not fair? Even though i believe that sasha is his, a part of me wants to hope beyond hope. My emotional brain is hysterically crying, my logical brain is telling me everything i already know, what everyone has told me, and im trying to convince mr logical to take over.
      It did really feel like a dream.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21866
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi Kathryn
      You’re trying to convince your logical side to take over…. There’s nothing wrong in having negative thoughts, there’s nothing wrong in having urges… for many years this is how you’ve lived your life it’s not going to suddenly change, you have to work on them, and you are… only you can be honest about how far you’ve come, we can only sit and watch, but from my seat and in my opinion your doing so well
      In my opinion your logical side is really starting to work, would you have admitted these feelings whilst gambling or would you have just ignored the feelings and acted on the urges.
      Your learning how to deal with issues in a different way, your doing great… don’t ignore them, accept them for what they are “Unusual Feelings”
      An urge or a negative emotion isn’t a problem, unless you act on them in a negative way.
      Take Care
      H"Occasionally it’s wise to doubt our doubts, to question our questions, and to re-think our thoughts."

    • #21867
      the cowboy
      Participant

      it cant be easy K, I cant relate to it but what I can say is well done…
      please use the same logical thought process when you get the results, remember that you cant change them, only act on themPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21868
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive just had the big chat with Harry, thanks H by the way and have come back to answer my own post.
      Right then, i am dealing with my feelings, something i am so not used to because i would just go and gamble and ignore. This is a new thing for me, so i have to start retraining myself.  Once i calmed down, well, really, what has changed…nothing.  He scraped the inside of his mouth with a little brush.  So what?
      I am going to deal with this, theres nothing i can change in this scenario.  Except the way i think.  Yes, it isnt fair, but is it fair that im a compulsive gambler?  Maybe not, but im facing it head on and trying to change my life for the better.  I need to apply that thinking to the rest of my life.  Whatever the outcome is, although i think i will be devastated for a minute, i can get through it.  I havent been able to read my post since this started, and i dont know if i ever will cause i havent a clue what i wrote.  I may be heading for a new normal with Sasha, but then, im in a new normal now.
      Not all change is bad, and i have to say a lot of good has come from the past month, in terms of my relationship with Dames.  We are not going to change as a married couple, we are still married with 3 beautiful children. Ive just re-read that last sentance and it has hit me like a ton of bricks. 
      I have a lot to be thankful for, more than i realise.  Acceptance, well, like the serenity prayer says, accept the things i cannot change, and this is one of those things.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21869
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  Thanks for the lovely and encouraging post on my thread.  I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your Dad so young … I can’t imagine how you must feel.  My Dad is 88 years old this year and he still calls me his baby girl.  He is a wonderful man who has taught me so much about love, responsibility and leadership.  I dishonor him and my wonderful late Mom with this gambling affliction.
      I am so thrilled that you are in the lovely place you’ve found today.  The last month has been a turmoil for you, but you have come through with flying colours.  I hope that you give yourself credit for wonderful strength and compassion.  Perhaps you were given this challenge to help you realize that you are a strong and resilient woman.  I am thrilled too that you see a possibility of a new normal with Sasha.  That speaks volumes of your capacity to love and accept.
      Keep up the great work on your recovery.
      All the best.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21870
      compulsiveme
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Glad you and hubby had a wonderful trip together. Those things are important.
      Kathryn, this situation isn’t fair. But, you’re dealing with the facts very rationally. It’s only normal you are not going to feel exactly cheerful. The important thing is that you’re working with what you’ve got. No one can ask for more than that.
      I think you once wrote that the definition of insanity is to continue to do the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome. Well, as Harry pointed out, "you’re learning to deal with issues in a different way…" Hey, I think you may be sane afterall!  
      Really though, you absolutely amaze me. Watching you, is like watching a flower grow…just getting more beautiful everyday. 
      Take care of you.
      God bless. ***************************************************************************Aint nuthin’ gonna break my stride; aint nuthin’ gonna slow me down; oh no,oh no; I got to keep on goin’…

    • #21871
      daisy56
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      It is scary now that we are asking ourselves to face things that come along and not using avoidance and zoning out with gambling as a way to manage. You have certainly had mega big ‘things’ to face lately and you should be very proud with how you have coped. It is great that as you think about stuff you can see the positives in amongst the craziness.
      Thanks for your good advice to me too.
      Alison

    • #21872
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I havent much to post today, i have really been recovering from the weekend and the whirlwind that is my sister and her family.  Im feeling good about my gambling free days (54 to be exact), and i have really been enjoying my group sessions here.  I spend a lot of it laughing, and i really think that is the best medicine.
      Thanks to all who have posted, you know how much i appreciate it.
      I hope you have a wonderful gamble free day,
      Take care, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21873
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      Just popped in to catch up.
      Your posts get more and more positive and it is great to see a gorgeous person emerging bit by bit.
      Applying the lessons we learned living with the compulsion to gamble (both as a CG and as non-CG) to other parts of our lives seems to make sense of the insensible to me. It gives the ‘unfairness’ of it all a reason.
      I had to deal with something the other week that had nothing to do with compulsive gambling whatsoever but without the lessons I have learnt from my CG and from these forums I would not have understood. I would have had trouble accepting.
      Like you I have a lot to be thankful for and ‘acceptance’ and ‘non-judgement’ come high on the list.
      Today I read about you in Australia with your whirlwind sister and family and I knew how you felt as you slid down the wall when they left even though you had enjoyed it.
      Without the uninvited experience that I had and the acceptance that I could not change that experience I would not have met you and so many other wonderful people. 
      I am glad that I have learnt to change one of the few things that I can (me) even if I can’t remember how old I am! I don’t think I said that I wasn’t 96 but then I don’t remember where I’ve put my teeth or my zimmer frame either. 
      Now where was I? Oh yes I was going to write to Kathryn ……………
      Loads of Love
      Velvet (I think) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #21874
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well not very much happening in my part of the world today.  I have just dropped Harry off at kinder and Brea is home from school (study day…shes watching a movie!!!)
      Damian and Bailey are taking off up bush tomorrow morning for a 4 day weekend camping and fishing.  It will be nice to have the quiet, Brea is not normally home and Harry is so good he just amuses himself, although i am going to treat him to McDonalds tomorrow night.  Im working all weekend as i swapped last weekend so i could go to Sydney. 
      I am going to Jodies tonight for "our" night.  The Amazing Race is on…our favourite show and i have just been to the local bakery and bought 2 of the most disgusting, delicious looking cream cakes i could find for the occasion. I always bring the sweet and she does a dip and chip…YUM!!!
      Im looking forward to it and so is she..last night her 2yo discovered he could climb out of the cot.  Oh dear, he was up about 10 times, shes hardly had any sleep.  I dont miss that at all.
      So my gambling niggles as i call them are still always there, but i dont let them escalate at all.  No news from the DNA test, although i think it will be a couple of weeks till we know.
      I hope you all have a wonderful, gamble free day.
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21875
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, your evening with Jodi sounds wonderful.  I am picturing those cream cakes as I type!  That’s wonderful that you have wholesome events to look forward to.  So much better and enjoyable than gambling.
      Thank you for your support on my slip yesterday.  It means a lot to me. I am back on tract.  Thanks, Sherry

    • #21876
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I’m smiling at your description of your nights with Jodi too. Sounds like me and my best friend… our sweet treat when we get together is mini cream filled chocolate eclairs! we can scoff a whole box in one sitting and her husband is usually horrified when he comes looking for one and they’re gone!!
      Thanks for your tip-off for my sydney trip, about the baby elephant at the zoo! I was talking to (the same) best friend on the phone yesterday about something completely unrelated, and i suddenly blurted out "oh and we have to go to the zoo in sydney coz theres a baby elephant!"…. there was silence…then she laughed!   … You see, she would’ve been LESS surprised if I’d said…’can we go night-clubbing and dance all night?’ (she doesn’t drink, but I like my vino! and I like to boogie) LOL.
      We agreed we’d try and fit in the zoo, with the shopping, and the cafes and bars (seriously, i think we’ll give the nightclubs a miss! I’m not as young as I was when i last partied in sydney haha). I cant wait.
      Where would we be without our girlfiends!!!? We have been best friends since we were 11, and I truly know there is nothing we couldn’t face together! Sounds like you and Jodi are much the same. What a blessing they are.
      I love reading your posts kathryn. You are finding so many positives, and even on your darker days you are on here offering support and wisdom to others!
      I know it must be difficult awaiting the DNA results, but you know it will be what it will be, and you will be able to deal with it. The whole experience will add to your insight and wisdom and serve to give you even more strength in the future!
      Much love and light to you
      Meg
       "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21877
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Its 3.30am, and i just got through waving Damian and Bailey off on their big camping trip.  So what does one do at 3.30? What else.  I am still kicking myself over my post on Als thread.  Talk about mother mode. I felt sick to my stomach when i went to bed…im a ranting lunatic!!!!!
      I feel so good about my life at the moment in terms of not gambling and the good changes that have occured since that dreaded day…..i want everyone else to feel as good as i do.  Thats not to say that i dont have bad days, thats just life.  But the positives far outweigh the negatives at the moment and i do feel lucky and blessed.  If this site was not here for me to rant on i dont know what id do.
      So to Al, im sorry, and to the rest of you all, please forgive my moment of madness, this forum is here for us to say what we need to say, to be able to vent all our emotions and feelings when we need to, god knows ive done it a million times myself and if we cant do it here, then where?
      Wishing you all a wonderful gamble free day, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21878
      thebfunk
      Participant

      im glad to see you are still fighting the good fight. keep it up

    • #21879
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thanks Brian for your post.  I had a lovely day with Jodie today.  We went shopping and i spent $80 on myself. I got a jacket and a cardigan.  I didnt even look at the price.  When we went to lunch, Jode commented that it was great to see me spending some money.  I told her that i never had any money to spend before, and all those years i was pretending i couldnt find anything i liked because i had spent all our money gambling.  She was gobsmacked.
      I hope you are all having a wonderful, gamble free day,
      bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21880
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Its good to see a ‘normal’ person leading a ‘normal’ life again!!!
      I think its kinda normal for all of us at one point or another to speak their mind, I took no offense and if I am truthful I don’t see what the big deal is, if anything, it should be me apologising for my silly and inconsiderate email about how I am going to gamble on Saturday, I said the same crap last week and guess what, I didn’t gamble.
      I am expecting the worst from myself K, somewhere down the line, I have always let myself down and others and I think the pressure of actually succeeding and being honest with myself is actually causing more stress than actually gambling!
      All is good today and I am glad to see that you are feeling good K 🙂
      Keep those updates of yours coming, I just wish I could bring myself to tell my wife what a great bunch of friends I have met online, geeeeee, I sound like a right GEEK!
      PS…. only 7 weeks to ba ba number 2! wish me luck!
      Chat soon geek!Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21881
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive been thinking….you have all known me since i have stopped gambling, yes i had 1 slip, but the majority of what i write is post gambling.  I thought id write about when i was gambling, for a change.  The details are sketchy, i remember major incidences but the rest is a blur but i will tell you what i remember.
      I remember first going to the pokies with my mum.  We would go once a week, for a coulple of hours and spend $20 each. We did it for years, i never had a thought to go on my own, and to this day i dont remember the day i decided to go by myself.  I remember lots of times, going to my mums, asking her for a loan, spinning some **** about how we had no money, because i gambled it all away.  I have borrowed tens of thousands off my mum over the years…not once has she ever asked for me to pay it back, and whenever i offered she would say ‘no, you need it.’  Yeah, i needed it alright…woohoo more money to gamble.
      When i had Bailey, Brea was 8.  Damian used to have his mates over in the shed (boy time) on a Thursday night.  That was my night to go and have a play.  I used to leave the money at home, but soon worked out that if i stayed late enough, the kids would be asleep and if i turned off the headlights on the car i could drive up, sneak in and get more money without Damian ever knowing. I would leave an 8yo home with a little baby, Damian would be boozing in the shed, and Brea was stuck with a bawling kid. Did i care…no way.
      This was about the time my gambling was getting out of control.  I dont know how, but we managed to get enough money to buy a house. On thinking, i think Mum gave us the money for the deposit, and as it wasnt a huge loan, $85,000 we got it easily.  Our first home. Then our Harry was born, i had severe post natal depression, and everyone was tiptoeing around me.  I could gamble whenever i wanted because i would be out of their hair.  The lunatic woman who couldnt love her family. Mix gambling with depression and its not pretty.   I had accumulated so much debt, that i had ruined Damians (not mine ) credit and our only way out was to sell our house.  I was gutted. We sold our house for 210,000.  We were left with $50,000 after everything was paid.  That money lasted for another 18 months maybe.  I blew the lot on gambling.
      Even after all this, after losing our home, the one we had soooo many plans for, i still gambled.  I was going to GA, going to counselling and stopping on the way home to gamble.  I never stopped.  Until now.
      It has taken me years and years to get to this point in my life.  I dont know how deeply i affected my children with my gambling.  In between these events in my life, there were a million fights, a gazillion tears and a family torn apart by my illness. There are lies that i have told that i can never repeat, they make me sick to my stomach.  I didnt care what i said, i just wanted money to gamble.  I have done unspeakable things.  But that was then.
      I found GT.  I found all of you, who have been instrumental in helping me through this.  I have been free for 57 days.  I have been happy for 57 days (for the most part!!!!)
      I know that no matter what i have a place that is mine, that i can rant, rave, cry, laugh and just be me.  Finally, i see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I see hope.  I see posibility.
      Sorry for the length, its proboably a tenth of what really happened, im sure i blocked some things out as they are too painful. But you all get the gist. Special mentions in this story go to Dames and Jode…they stood by me and held me up when i couldnt.  They are the best, and have seen the best, and worst in me.  They never stopped loving me, even when i hated myself. My other special mention is to Harry, here at GT.  My life is richer for knowing you, your help, compassion and understanding goes above and beyond.
      Thanks for reading, bye for now, Kathryn xx
      Fighting the good fight…One day at a time– 8/08/2009 10:53:24 AM: post edited by kathryn.

    • #21882
      marilee
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn…well, it’s morning here!  Just browsing the site, and saw this post from you.  I think the efforts we make to differentiate the "gambling us" from the "non-gambling us" are interesting.  Like you, I have a story that is riddled with behavior I am ashamed of, lies I can’t believe I told, a secretive life that  no one was allowed in to.  I have come to think that perhaps our behavior is simply on a continuum, and that each one of us is capable of good and evil.  Well, evil is a strong word, but "bad" doesn’t seem to cover it.  We really can’t chop our life up into neat segments – the person that was, and the person that is.  And so we must always shape our environment and our thoughts to ensure that the "bad" behavior is not expressed.  Given free rein – no end of money, no commitments, no responsibilities – I can’t tell you for sure what I would be doing right now.  Maybe I would be indulging in all the "bad" things, and maybe I wouldn’t.  But all of those behaviors and thoughts are within me, I can only choose to exercise the ones that bring me happiness.  That means that I am concentrating on the "good" side of the continuum.  I just believe that we can only really understand ourselves if we look at our past and present as a whole. 
      The neat thing is that once you gain distance from your compulsive behavior, you are actually able to start having this exploration within yourself.  You can look at the continuum of your behavior, and make rational choices about how you want to live.  You are doing so well, you are justly proud of yourself.  I think my magic number today is 169, and I can tell you for sure that 170 days ago I could not know that my life would be as good as it is today.  Very simply, because I got up for 169 days and said "today I will not gamble".  The simple act – the profound outcome.  Keep going strong girl, you deserve a life well lived.

    • #21883
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, thanks for sharing so much of your gambling life.  It’s important to remember who we were when we gambled and writing it down makes it so much clearer.  I’m sorry you and your family had to go through all of that.  I am sorry for all our families.  Gambling is a terrible addiction but at least we found our way here and we are doing everything we can to change. 
      You’re coming up on a 2 month milestone.  That’s fantastic!  Keep adding up those day.
      Sherry

    • #21884
      meglee
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn
      As always I applaud your openness and honesty. Posts like that are not always easy for any of us to read, but i know they must be so much harder to write!!! The fact that you are able to do so, speaks volumes of your progress and you should feel so proud.
      Like Sherry, I’m sorry any of us have to go through any of this…. but we do. None of us consciously chose to have this addiction in our lives…. and here it is! But the joy is, we are here, on this site, pushing through the pain of it, and dealing with it on a daily basis. Healing and learning and growing as we go! Life can just get better and better!!!
      As for my "sydney-status"…… NO! I am not a ‘know-it-all on sydney’! haha. far from it! Like you, I’m coming up to my 40th, and i was 25 when i left sydney! So i haven’t a clue as to where you could go with Brea. However, being the same age as you, I know exactly the type of place youre talking about, so if I stumble across one (haha hopefully not literally) on my trip, I’ll let ya know!
      Much love and light
      meg xxx
       "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21885
      danielle
      Participant

      Hello kathryn,   Thanks for your thoughts on my thread.   Very much appreciated to be thought of and to take your time in writing to me.  I am better today and looking forward to more gamble free days.
      That was quite a post on your life as a gambler.  Kathryn,you have come a long way in such a short time. I’m so proud of you.  I know how hard it is to quit. You have such a great attitude and have such a great family.  I miss those days of bringing up my daughter so enjoy every minute of your kids.   They are blessings from heaven, even when they act up from time to time.
      Take care Kathryn and hand in there.   Danielle 

    • #21886
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      There was an interesting article in yesterdays paper about a very well known footballer who has come out and admitted he is a compulsive gambler.  What was so interesting, was that he is from another state, and he has decided to stay in Melbourne until he is "cured" of his illness.  I think he’d better by a house down here, cause if he thinks he is ever going to be cured, he is living in a bubble.
      One day at a time is all we can do to manage this illness…looking too far down the road only spells disaster. It just goes to show the lack of understanding of problem gamblers, if there was a cure, who of us would be on this site?
      I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21887
      jba
      Participant

      hi my besty, its been so long since i posted that it took me 5 goes to remember what password id used to log on… lol..i just read your post about your gambling days and i am sobbing.. i dont really know why because i have heard the story before but i guess i didnt hear the emotion… i hate that you have had that pain and sadness in your life. God you are doing so well i am so god damn proud of you!!! We will be rich by the time we go to jamaica the way youre going, only 12 yrs to save you know!!! woops forgot the cruise!!! we will be gettin our groove back all over the country sista!
      love you jode xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
      p.s. hey girlfriend you must of just about hit the 60 day mark????? woo hoo

    • #21888
      mnewell
      Participant

      Hi Kat,
           Just wanted to let you know that I think (and I do) staying extremely positive is an acceptional tool for recovery!  Also, look at picking up a new hobby to fill the void of time for when you were commiting the wrong!!  Something, anything!!!  Choose something that you’ll enjoy and look forward to doing for a long time to come.  Basket weaving, tennis, start a small managable business, get a nintendo wii to play games and exercise.  Alot of motivational speakers believe that you should exercise to make the mind healthy.  Join a local gym and start off slow but steady and work your way up.  Heck, mabey begin to train to run a 5k marathon(3.2 miles).  Then, the skys the limit. 
      Keep it up,
      MnewellOn my way back to winning my losings!!!!!   LOL!!!!

    • #21889
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I wish I had a best friend to eat disgusting, delicious looking cream cakes with even Meg who is so rude to me has one to share her choccie éclairs with. My friends all do the health food bit!!
      I was shocked to read that Meg is too old at ‘nearly 40’ to go nightclubbing in Sydney – I must tell the poor old thing that I can still boogie the night away and I like my vino too.
      I absolutely loved Australia. 
      I did go to the zoo when we were in Sydney so I assume it must have been the Taronga Zoo but it was the wombats that got my vote back then.   My favourite memory though is sitting with the pelicans on the beach at Monkey Mia waiting for the dolphins to arrive. I never thought a pelican could be such great and funny company.
      Your post about your gambling was very honest and I think would have taken a lot out of you to write. I am glad that you found GT as well because it has been great getting to know you and you have added so much to the F&F forum.
      I am very aware that you are soon to get the results of the DNA test. Your posts are much more positive and I believe implicitly that positive thought and acceptance are the keys to how we handle the ups and downs in our lives. I like the sound of your new normal and that you are accepting that Sasha may be part of your new normal – well done for using her name xx
        
      Thinking about you and those mouth-watering cakes
      Loads of Love
      Velvet xxxx
       

    • #21890
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi… I wasn’t posting after my slip last weekend, but I have been reading.  Glad things are doing so well with you.  You sound good.  Ready to take on the world.  Have a great day.  NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21891
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      60 days today….WOOHOO!!!!!  As always though, i will not gamble today.
      Have a great day all,
      bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21892
      Anonymous
      Guest

       60 days!!!  You rock, Kathryn.  Treat yourself to something lovely, even if it’s just a fancy coffee (mocha latte, anyone?)  You deserve to celebrate.  I’m so VERY proud of your achievement. 
      I hear you on the kids shoes thing.  I have to gear up this week to go uniform shopping for my boys.  Their school year starts in September.  Have to go through everything and see what is needed.  Sure it will be at least $500 to get each equipped.  Haven’t worked for the past two months (chose to stay home with boys on their summer vacation), so money is a little tight.  (Thank God I stopped gambling when I did )
      Had a lovely walk this evening with my dog.  It was humid and sticky, but I’m so glad I did it.  REALLY determined to get to prepregancy weight.  Went to the library today, got lovely free movies and exercise dvds and some self-improvement books (LOVE those). It’s 2 a.m. and I’m still not asleep.  Just finished a lovely bath, now planning to do a bit of websurfing, then sleep.
      Thanks for your lovely post.  I always enjoy hearing from you.
      All the best and great big HIP HIP HOORAYS from Canada.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21893
      alice
      Participant

      hey Kathryn,
      CONGRATULATIONS!!!! 60 days is great! How good does that feel to be able to say that! Well done and keep stong!
      Alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #21894
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi kathryn!
      Go girl!! Big high-five comin to ya from across the tasman!! Well done!
      Meg xxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21895
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had decided today that i needed to go and get some shoes for Bailey, as i told RG earlier, i took him to school this morning and when he got out of the car i saw his shoes.  His whole toe was hanging out to my horror.  He stated ‘its ok mum, its only one foot!’ Well that must make it ok then…anyway we decided to have a family trip to KMart…which i think is the same al Wal Mart.  Anyway, im imagining a lovely trip, stopping in all the isles to look at the latest bargains, buying myself something, maybe and we are all laughing and talking and having a lovely time.
      HELLO REALITY!!! The kids were whinging they wanted something, Dames had road rage on the way in, Brea was trying to keep the peace, Harry wouldnt try on a jumper because it ‘didnt work’ (dont ask), Damian didnt like Baileys shoes he had picked so he wasnt happy, it just went on and on.  We were there for a whole 40 minutes until i cracked it and said ‘get in the car, we’re going home"…
      Why do i put these expectations on myself, on my family.  It never works out!!!  Although im laughing now, i was sooo wild.  Oh well, im over it, although i will never do a family trip to KMart again.  Im out!!!!!
      On a nicer note, my brother rang me tonight, he is up north on a holiday and i havent spoken to him since March.  He and his wife are having a lovely time.  We dont talk often, he is 17yrs older than me and when our dad died he tried to take over…not acceptable to a 16yo. Its by the by now, but it was nice for him to ring, he will be down in about 3 weeks so we will catch up then and look at his 5 million photos…lol.
      I hope you all had a lovely day…although by the time you read this is will proboably be tomorrow!!!!
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21896
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I was just about off to bed, when i read your post about the shopping trip! I am SOOO laughing with ya! My son has school shoes JUST like that too… and I bet when you asked Harry WHY the jumper ‘didn’t work’, he just rolled his eyes at you???!!
      We ALL put these expectations on ourselves and personally I BLAME DISNEY MOVIES! LOL
      My kids were watching one recently where the mom was all ‘apple pie’, she was caring and sharing, she did amazingly cool things with her kids, she was never grumpy and endlessly forgiving! Oh and did I mention she was also drop dead gorgeous too?!  Ugh. I’m sure the movie had a story line but I didn’t pick it up, I was too busy being mortified by the fact my kids were lapping this stuff up!
      I wanted to slam-dunk the OFF button and scream at them "don’t you KNOW real mothers are NOT LIKE THIS!!" … but i knew i wouldn’t be able to help myself and I’d then finish the sentence with something like…" and anyway you should be doing your homework, your bike is STILL lying in the driveway and I’m so damn sick of picking up after everyone in the place!"… so i thought it best to leave them to their fantasy… while i went straight to the kitchen to bake them some brownies (NOT!)
      Sleep well with those 60 days under your belt babe!
      love and light
      meg xxx
       

    • #21897
      handam
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, a BIG thank you for your wonderful support on my thread. I really appreciate it. I’m o k now, recovering from my slip, but feeling annoyed with myself for sleeping in too late today and not making the most of my day off. I think my brains way of dealing with stress is to sleep more!!!
      I lol reading your post about your family outing to kmart. I can relate to your experience, my daughter was a nightmare to take anywhere when she was younger. She is now 16 and a pleasure to be with (most of the time!!!). and meglee , you are so right about those movies. There is no such thing as a perfect mum, you just need to be ‘good enough’.
      Well done on your gamble free days, Kathryn, you are inspirational. I hope i can get to 60 days+, one day at a time.
      (((((((hugs)))))))
      Andrea x

    • #21898
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      RG, Alice, Meg and Andrea, thanks for your lovely words of encouragement.
      I checked the DNA website this morning and they have recieved Damians sample but Fester and Sashas havent arrived yet.  I am getting a bit toey, i want this over and done with so i am going to ring Fester today and see what is going on, if they have sent it.  I rang Damian and he is going to message Sasha to get their home phone number.  The reason i am going to ring is because i know the information, and to be truthful, i think im better off ringing, Dames is just ignoring it, well he wants too and as i said to him this morning, this is not going away.
      I told him that there might be some changes but we have to find out and move forward, without the elephant in the room. I dont know what he thinks is going to happen, matter of fact, i think ill ask him that when i next get the chance. Im working tonight so he will proboably be in bed when i get home.
      Thats all my goss for today, well, its only 9.30am so if there are any developments ill let you all know.
      Have a wonderful gamble free day, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21899
      howanan
      Participant

      I am glad you are keeping strong through all this.  I think all men would rather keep their head in the sand and let the wives do all the mental work.  My husband is like that.  Today I have to call his high school where he graduated 31 years ago to get a copy of his diploma.  He needs it for his new job.  But I really don’t mind.  Kathryn, when all this is done that is the time you will have to keep your guard up.  When there is a break and everything is going good, that is when that urge will hit big time.  So beware.  Have a good day………….NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21900
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi K,
      must say I had a laugh at your family outing to KMart, I only have the one (at the monent) and i know what that feels like! What I have noticed is that I tend to get stressed less these days, I am 100% putting this down to not gambling, yet another positive in my books.
      I hope you and your family are doing well, it makes me 🙂 to think about other people getting on with their lives, being a CG will NOT stop us from living our lives!!!!!!!!!
       Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21901
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I think you are doing well with your attitude to the DNA. You are taking control of the situation which is a positive move and all positive moves and thinking must be good for you at this time. Hiding away is old behaviour and not part of this new wonderful Kathryn.
      I didn’t realise when you talked about the elephant in the zoo that you had brought him home but I am sure you will send him back very soon – you are thinking for everyone and the elephant has to go – too expensive to feed and there is not enough room on the sofa. Mind you he might behave himself in Kmart apart from the mess on the floor but you can always pretend it had nothing to do with you xx.
      Have you found with three children that if you try and photograph them – one is always not looking or pulling a face? 
      thinking about you
      Loads of Love
      Velvet xxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #21902
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive been a bit down in the dumps.  I got home from work last night and Damian told me he had rang Fester.  She told him that she had only recieved 1 swab when she should have got 2 so she contacted them and they had sent her another one and she was sending it all off today.  Thats not why i was upset.
      Damian then proceeded to tell me that she had asked about me, how i was, and he was very sketchy with the rest.  He said she always asked how i was????? That set me off, i said ‘last time she contacted you it was by sms’ and he said ‘yes thats right’, then got all snippy with me.  When i asked what was wrong he said he was sick of talking about it.
      So heres my point… i am feeling that i am being deliberately left out of the loop here.  I am getting paranoid that all these little conversations are going on behind my back (which he denies) and i feel i cant ask him anything without him getting ****ty when i know damn well that when hes on the phone to Fester he is being all charming and nice.
      Anyway, he went to bed, i had a good chat to Harry and felt somewhat better.  I rang him this morning and said i wanted to ask him a question about the phone call last night without him getting ****ty with me.  I asked what he had said when Fester asked how i was.  He said that i was slowly coming to terms with things and asked my why i wanted to know.  I told him about how i felt, and how i needed to know what was being said, for my own sanity and reassurance (im not threatened by her at all in a ‘he likes her’ way) but i need to know what is being said.  He said he would fill me in on the whole conversation when he got home from work, and its not me he’s crabby at.
      Now, i do know all this, i know its a touchy subject but i am trying soooo hard to be accepting and even though i may come across as the lovely wife, i am struggling with it. Now i know that the test results are proboably about 10 days away, im feeling a bit sad about it all.  Maybe its just a bad day on my part, but i know what im feeling is there, im feeling it and i cant help feeling it regardless of what i know….that we will be ok.
      Have a great day everyone,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21903
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi K,
      its just another chapter that you are dealing with very well. It takes a special kind of person to do what you are doing so well done for your PMA. Us men find it hard to talk at the best of times so when it comes to things like this I am sure D is trying his best to ‘open up’ that said, you are perfectly within your rights to know what is going on, I wouldn’t want some other man speaking with debs (my wife) without knowing what the hell was being said…
      Keep strong and its interesting to see that you never mentioned urges in your last email, that can hopefully on be a good thing K. You can and will work through this, you have a great network of friends and family to listen to you bi*ch anytime you like!!!
      PS… your trip to KMart reminds me of the film ‘Little Miss Sunshine’
      Take care OzPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21904
      sury
      Participant

      Hi kathryn, I’ve been reading your thread since I’ve joined in, you are doing well, thankyou for sharing all those feeling and thought,  how’s work?

    • #21905
      howanan
      Participant

      Kathryn,  What you are feeling is betrayal.  That’s hard to swallow.  In 10 more days the waiting will be over.  Damien loves you.  Fester is nothing!  You two have had a good marriage and this has brought you both closer.  Not all bad is coming out of this situation.  I don’t understand why Fester waited all these years to contact you both.  What is expected of your husband if he is the father.  Have you asked him this.  Are you to be a part of Sasha’s life?  You can’t blame the daughter for the sins of the parents.  Please remember that.  She is innocent.  I pray it all works out for your family…………….NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21906
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Vera, i am a control freak, but i like to say that i like to ‘be organised”  Thank you for your empathy, sometimes i feel i am going crazy and then i feel that i shouldnt be feeling that way. Thanks for the validation, sometimes, when im spewing my thoughts on the page i feel that i may be over-reacting but at the same time, the feelings are very real at the time of writing.
      I am very concerned about Fester.  When Dames got home last night we had a big talk and i asked him everything i wanted to know.  He answered honestly, but there was one thing he said that made every hair on my body stand up on end.  He said that she jokingly said to him that once the results come back, and Sasha is playing up, she will be able to send her to him (or us).  He said he didnt say a word, he didnt know what to say to that.  My gut is telling me that we are going to have problems with Fester, and i believe women have terrific intuition.
      She also said that Sasha is upset because Dames hasnt rung or contacted her.  Dames just said that we are waiting for the test to come back, and he will take it from there.  Is this Fester a lunatic?  Why on earth would he ring her before we even know if she is his.  If it turned out that she isnt (which i doubt) the poor child will be traumatised.  He should have never ever gone to meet her before we got the results. I told him at the time but he had said he was going….
      Anyway, all that said, we talked about what we thought was going to happen, and how we are feeling now.  We are both scared stiff, so at least we are on the same page, i think we need to talk more, we had ignored it for a month but nows the time to keep talking so we know what is going through each others mind. 
      I havent gambled now for 63 days, i am trying to keep positive, and this is certainly a positive part of my life.  I do need this to be over, im so tired of thinking about it, i dont know how long this is going to go on.
      Anyway, i hope you all have a wonderful gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21907
      thebfunk
      Participant

      63 days is great. keep going!

    • #21908
      sherry123
      Participant

      Great job Kathryn!  If you can make it through 63 days with all the Fester turmoil, you are one strong woman!  BTW, I smile everytime you mention ‘Fester’.  A famous political figure had an affair and maybe a child with his affair…and his wife (Elizabeth Edwards) was on Oprah under the condition the other woman’s name wasn’t mentioned.  She didn’t want to give that woman any notoriaty or importance.  I think she should have taken your lead and just called her Fester/Festus or some unflattering name.  I’m sure she has called her many other unflattering names…just not in public. Hopefully, after the results, Fester will fade into the sunset and the daughter will settle back into her own life after the novelty wears off. 
      Enjoy your daily gamble-free milestones. I enjoy reading your accompishments too.
      Sherry 

    • #21909
      babybutterfly927
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Don’t mean to be a worry wort but I am used to seeing you here every single day. When I didnt see your name anywhere I wondered if you were ok. I’m still new to this and don’t know if you have posted and I just don’t see it or what. Thinking of you and this drama you are dealing with, and praying it all works out for the best.Keeping the faith

    • #21910
      marla
      Participant

      Hey Kath,
      Just wanted to drop by and thankyou for your continued help and support, it’s really means a lot to me and I hope in time I can return the favour 🙂
      Stay strong, you can do this. You ARE doing this 🙂
       

    • #21911
      marilee
      Participant

      Just catching up on the Fester saga (lol).  That name just makes me smile, although I know the situation is far from funny.  I know what an agonizing time this must be.  It has upset your world, regardless of the results.  I have a suggestion…don’t know whether it will help or not.  I am not a particularly great communicator in intimate relationships – and when my ex and I were going through a stressful time, I suggested that we keep a journal together.  I would write what I was feeling, and he would as well.  No judgement, just our thoughts laid out for each other to see.  It worked out very well, we actually kept it for a couple of years.  It may not have solved the real issue (poor communication), but at least we were on the "same page" as it were.  You, Dames and Brea are in my thoughts Kathryn, because I believe there is so much love there.

    • #21912
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Butterfly, i am still here, i have been doing a lot of reading when ive had time…thanks Marla and Marilee, i will keep the journal idea in my mind, although i dont know if Dames would be in for a go.
      Ive been working this weekend, yesterday (sat) i worked 7-3 and was so tired when i got home i didnt have the energy to write, and today was a good day, my boss called me yesterday and wanted me to work at 2 different facilities today, and then told me i could knock off at 1 instead of 3 and be paid for the full shift!!!  So i did that, of course and when i got home Dames asked me if i wanted to go to the footy.  Brea said she would look after the boys (god love her) so i said ok and we made the 1 1/2 hour drive to Melbourne.  When we got there we had to stand in line to buy tickets, we would be up with the Gods but we didnt care.  As we were standing there a man and a woman came up to us and asked if we were buying tickets, we said yes and then he said, listen, i have 2 tickets i cant use.  You can have them!!!! We tried to give him some money but he wouldnt take it so we bought him and his wife a drink…how nice is that????
      We had amazing seats, on the first level, and as we had to sit with them he told us he got the tickets from his work for nothing and didnt want to waste them.  They were lovely people. Unfortunately, we didnt win the game, our best kick had a shot for goal after the final siren and missed. Oh well, thats footy.
      So now im home, i have a short work week this week which i really need, it wont be long till the results arrive, you all know ill post when i know.
      I havent gambled for 65 days, Dames and i were talking on the way home and both said we could have never just jumped in the car and gone to Melbourne in our ‘gambling days’, we simply would not have the money.  His mother is coming down this weekend coming, i will leave her for another day, she is a whole other story!!!!
      I hope you have all had a wonderful gamble free weekend,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21913
      alice
      Participant

      hey kathryn
      how lucky is that in regards to the tickets?! i wish things like that happened to me! things happening like that shows me that there are still decent people in this world and that life can be good.
      way to go on your 65 days free that is great. it is even better that you are feeling the benefits of not gambling such as being able to just jump in the car and go to a footie match.
      well done kathryn and stay strong. i’m glad you’ve got a short work week this week, you deserve a break.
      alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #21914
      linnie44
      Participant

      Congrats on your time gamble free! Wow!    Wanted to let you know I enjoy reading your posts to others. You are such a comfort!
      ((hugs)) *life is good

    • #21915
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I was feeling a bit down in the dumps today, just playing around on the computer when i got onto youtube.  If anyone is having a crappy day i suggest you get on that site, type in dancing and watch 2 things.  1 is the evolution of dance. 2 is the JK wedding dance.  It was hysterical, i had tears running down my face from laughing.  A great pick me up.
      As for me i havent gambled, still waiting for you know what.
      Have a great day all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21916
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  Thanks for your post on my thread.  I too love YouTube … it’s amazing what you can find on it.  Congratulations on your continuing abstention from gambling.  You’re a real inspiration to me, not only because you’re slaying the dragon, but because you’re a shining example of a strong and positive woman.  You are woman, hear you roar, lol!!!This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21917
      the cowboy
      Participant

      HI K,
      thank you for your support though I can’t help feeling guilty, guilty that I am letting myself and my GT friends down. I know that I need to do this for me and me alone but I suppose a small part of me felt that I owed it to you guys to be strong, respected by others etc. I know that I am a good person but what does eat me is the thought that my son/daughter is going to be brought into this world in 6 weeks time and all I can think about is having a weekly bet…. not good, its only a small bet, but I could use that money to buy myself or family a small gift, even a chinese is better spent than gambling. I hope that you continue your pledge and please know that I think what you are doing is great, you and many many other members are a true inspiration to me.
      Take care and I will keep in touch..
      My goal today is not to gamble (hypocrite I know) but that is all I can do.
      chat soon :-)Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21918
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  I will have to check out those dances on You Tube.  I know you are going through a nervous time right now,  but you will get through it.  Think of all the positives.  Have a great day.  God bless…….NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21919
      marilee
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn…just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you as you and Dames await the results of the paternity test.  I can only imagine the turmoil…and you have been incredibly strong throughout this trial and I know you will remain so.  Find a reason to laugh and enjoy your life…even if it takes YouTube to do it!  If you laughed at that, go back to YouTube and type in Dutch Testicles.  I laughed until I thought I would pee my pants!  Strange sense of humor I have.  Anyways, you are doing so well, I’m proud of you and I know your family is glad to have "Kathryn" back.

    • #21920
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you Nancy and Marilee, those words were appreciated more than you know.
      I feel that i am in limbo at the moment, that the world is standing still until these results come through, the way its going it will not be till next week so i have a ways to go.  I actually feel emotionally empty right now, i have no feeling, i am numb.  What i do know is that it will be ok, whatever happens.  It feels like its taking an eternity.
      I actually thought yesterday that i might have a look at an online gambling site.  That thought was quickly erased but i am going to install betfilter.  I have never ever thought of online gambling before, and i  never thought i would consider it, the need to zone out is pretty strong at the moment, so i had better get on with it before disaster strikes.
      Dont get me wrong, i do not want to gamble, i have come to far to want to go back there, i just need to pop up another barrier to reduce temptation.
      I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21921
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  Now is the time to be good to yourself, not to sabotage yourself.  Can you imagine how awful you’d feel if you were to gamble on top of all that is going on?  Online gambling is certainly not all it’s cracked up to be.  After the first time I banned, I also thought about it.  But then I actually tried it and lost hundreds and hundreds (probably thousands, but I’m trying to let it go).  I put Gamblock on my main computer and only have the laptop unprotected b/c hubby still likes to have a go at poker on weekends. If it puts your mind at ease, you get exactly the same sick feeling as you do at the casino after you’ve lost … the only minor "positive" is you don’t have to drive home.  You never really walk away with anything.  Even if you do, you’re right back it the next day.  So, no great shakes … same old, same old.
      I’m proud of myself today.  I had to work on the laptop, b/c my husband was using my office.  He went out midway through the day and forgot I had access to the laptop.  I was alone, and I definitely thought about using just $50 for a quick few spins.  Before I could go even one second further down that road, I shut down the computer.  My husband has it password protected, so I couldn’t log back on.
      Kathryn, you’re at a critical crossroad in your life.  Be kind to yourself. I know it’s sometimes hard to remember how to be good to ourselves (and we believe gambling is a "treat" that we’re missing).  Give yourself something special for all the time you’ve been gamble free.  Honour yourself and your hard work and get that betfilter on before you’re tempted again.  
      I’m thinking of you and wishing you the very best.
      RG This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21922
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, glad you didn’t do the online gambling!!!  I’ve never gambled online but I think that is riskier than casino gambling…and look where that has gotten us! Good idea to install a gambling block just in case.  You’re doing great.

    • #21923
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      Whatever happens you will be alright. Kathryn that is brilliant.  You might feel happier but you won’t feel worse. xx
      Would it help to believe ‘now’ that Sasha is Damian’s daughter and then you will either have already accepted the worst in advance or you will be relieved that she is not?
      Dames is showing you his anger because he cannot undo what has happened. He has the guilty feelings – you do not. I certainly don’t believe that it is only a CG trait that directs anger towards the wrong person when there are guilty feelings. My daughter always shouted at me when she arrived late as if it was ‘my’ fault she had a time-keeping problem. Attack is the best form of defence – works most times. We accepted she would always be late and she stopped shouting.
      Feeling numb and in limbo is not a good place to be for any of us. I feel numb and in limbo at the thought I might have to get my zimmer frame on a flight to Australia to clock on the nose someone I have come to care about very much because she even considered on-line gambling!
      I cannot write often enough because F&F keeps me busy but I do care very much and I do read your thread. Now give that hungry elephant a bun and tell him he has to go.
      Loads of Love – thinking about you
      Velvet xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #21924
      howanan
      Participant

      Kathryn… Install bet filter.  I have never gambled on line, but I have played the free slots from AOL.  Even they are very addictive.  I could sit there hours zoning out and for what?  Nothing.  Just loss of my time.  Take a long walk or a long bath.  You will survive…..  All will be well………….NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21925
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Velvet and Nancy, thanks for your posts, i will be installing betfilter…i still find it a little wierd that i even considered it for one second, it was a fleeting thought but one that i have to ensure doesnt sneak back up on me.
      I have a relatively busy day today, im going to get my monobrow made into 2, i need to buy a new kettle (damian dropped ours in the sink full of water) and im going to have a coffee with a friend i went to highschool with.  Shes great and was a big help with my finances when i stopped gambling.  I now have 4 days off, which i really need, just to relax and catch up on some housework.  I have a funeral tomorrow afternoon, my auntie Betty…she was a resident at the aged care facility i work at, and i watched that poor woman go from an extremely large woman to a bag of bones.  So i am taking mum with me, shes the sister of Betty’s husband.  As awful as it sounds, i will be catching up with a lot of my family that i havent seen for years so that part will be good.
      I went and had a meeting with my boss last night when i got to work, in regards to the new workload that we have now.  I told her it was unrealistic and i made a few suggestions that still have us doing the same job, but lighten the load on the second round, which is the problem.  She was pretty good really, i just told her how it was, that we werent coping, and she got me to go through all the meds that can be given at 5 instead of 8, which turned out to be 7.  That will make life a lot easier for us. Ive never really stood up like that before, so i was pretty proud of myself.
      Well, i hope you all have a wonderful gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xx
      PS: Velvet, you know you can stay with me anytime you like, im just not sure where i can put you, you know, with the elephant and all!!!!!
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21926
      danielle
      Participant

      Hello Kathryn  First, I am so sorry about your Auntie.   God bless you for taking such good care of her at the nursing home.  She must had really appreciated and felt safe, knowing that you were close by and watching over her.  It’s so sad when we lose our loved ones, even if they are old.   It seems the longer we have them, the harder it is to let them go.
      Glad you are going to remove the urge to do online gambling.  I never did it but have heard it’s worse than Casino gambling.  You don’t need to get into that Kathryn.   Your doing so well without gambling and have come a long way.  Your a great support for others here too.  I’m so glad you decided to join the forum.   Isn’t it great we can come here and express ourselves, whether it be good or bad.
      Well, it won’t be long before you get your news.  I do hope that whatever the results are, you can accept.  I know how tough this has been for you and your family.  You seem like the kind of person that will turn whatever the outcome is, into a positive.  Life sure can throw us some curves. 
      What is a monobrow?  Danielle

    • #21927
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Just thought i would get a catch up on how life was treating you..
      Sorry to hear about you Auntie, that seems to be the one downside to living, the passing away part, I hope so had a good innings and good luck for the funeral.
      well done for taking a stand with regards to your boss, its great to see that you have the confidence to speak with her one on one as opposed to maybe turning to gambling for comfort. Hopefully the stress levels will be at a minimum and I am really proud of you for making this move…
      BTW. monobrow, hahah quality!
      chat soon
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21928
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Been thinkin of you! … as you know I’m planning sydney trip, and everytime i think of the baby elephant at the zoo – I think of you, and your ‘elephant in the corner’ that i hope, for your sake, is now house trained !
      Ahhh theres nothing more liberating for a woman than having ill-placed facial hair removed eh!! Its worth the few moments of agony, and the few hours of red skin and swelling. haha. Its alright for you to laugh Al, you guys can just deal to it with a razor! Ya wanna try some hot wax some time fellas…ouch. i reckon there’d be more men with beards! LOL!
      I’ve just come from a funeral today Kathryn. I find funerals a great time for reflecting on where we are at, and how far we’ve come. Theres nothing like death to remind us to LIVE everyday like its our last! And to remind us of who and what is really important to us! I went to the funeral with my dad, and hugged him extra tight when we said goodbye, and reminded him how much I love him.
      Betfilter sounds like a good option! Might be better than having Velvet on your doorstep looking to bop ya on the nose!!!? Though with the way airport security is these days, they probably wouldn’t let her on the plane with that zimmerframe of hers……they’d deem it a weapon of mass destruction!! LOL
      Sleep well! Night.
      Meg"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21929
      davlen
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Thankyou for you post. ive just been catching up on yours and i am impressed at how well you are doing on the gambling front despite all that your personal life is throwing at you.  this emotional stress can be such a major trigger to make you gamble yet you are still staying strong. i hope the test turns out the way you want. i will say this tho. you cant change the result tho you can choose not to gamble. that way day by day you will grow stronger and more able to cope with everything life throws your way. 
      Kind regards Dave  

    • #21930
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi K,
      Something I noticed whilst reading other members threads….
      Your name, you…. "Kathryn", It keeps coming up time and time AGAIN!!!!
      Its like, every thread has a mention and a thank you about youuuuuuuuuu.
      You offer sooo much support to other members and I thought id give it a mention.
      I know we are all in the same boat here (big fecking boat) but be proud of what you are doing here, you are a well respected member who offers sooo much with regards to support and advice.
      I hope your family are keeping well and I hope you are keeping yourself busy, not going to tell you how to suck eggs and all but this disease has a habit of popping up when you least expect it!
      Keep her lit!
      ps… you are a super Freak!

      Al
       Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21931
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chook
      Great to see you in group. Ahh… I really needed a laugh today!! Thanks! Have replied to your post on my thread.
      Meg xxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21932
      marilee
      Participant

      So glad the monobrow has now been tamed. Just wait for menopause…hair sprouts where no hair should be. Sorry guys, don’t read the trials and tribulations of being a woman. Just skip this post and go back to wondering why women don’t like guys with socks and sandals. I have tried being at one with all of my “gifts” (extra hair and skin, wrinkles as deep as a topographical map, body parts moving slowly south) but I just can’t give up on trying to lighten, wax, tighten or erase.
      Maybe we need to open a GT beauty advise section! We’ll be so busy plucking and pushing that we won’t have time to gamble! lol Glad to see that you are doing so well K, I love to see your sense of humor coming to the forefront!

    • #21933
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Today is my 71st day gamble free, i didnt realise had gone past the 70 day mark.
      Anyway, i have my mother in law down for the weekend. She is a good stick, although she drinks A LOT and gets very loud and rowdy.  Im not a drinker so i usually end up going to bed to the peace and quiet. She had taken the boys out for breakfast this morning so it is lovely and quiet here.
      Im not doing a lot today, im going grocery shopping and i have to take Harry for a haircut…he decided that his hair was getting in his eyes so he cut some off so he could see…his hair is pure white so it is very noticable.  Hes decided he wants a spike…there goes the beautiful blonde locks.  Mind you, he has a big chunk out of the front so a spike will be much better that the current look.
      We are going to my nephews 18th tonight, i will have a few brews there, mind you, i dont need many!
      I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free weekend,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21934
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just wanted to say thank you for your replies.  I know you are on some times in the day so i look out for you.  Had a shocker of a day yesterday but its all good.  Thank you anyway, chat soon  oh and congratulations on your 71st day you are an inspiration.  You have so many posts i am yet to read them all.
      P

    • #21935
      sherry123
      Participant

      Congrats on your 71 days!  I just saw something on the news about Australia.  Can’t remember if the story was about a water creature that they couldn’t identify or if the Australia story was the one about people honking their car horns and interferring with frogs fertility.  Anyway, when I hear something on the news from a country where a GT friend is from I think of them.  So, you were on my mind today.
       

    • #21936
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Firstly Sherry, thanks for your post, i wouldnt be surprised if we were interfering with the fertility of frogs, sometimes we are very hard up for news and you wouldnt believe the things they put on there.  Personally, i havent heard that one!
      Anyway, on to my weekend…i have had my mother in law down for the weekend. She came Friday and is leaving our abode tomorrow.  Firstly can i say that i do love her, BUT….she is exhausting.   Because the whole world revolves around her when she is here i spend my time running around after her, buying her beer (she pays of course), i just have to drive to the bottle shop, just general running around for her and after her.  I have barely seen Damian, because he has been in the shed with her the whole weekend and yes, i could go and sit in there with them but i cant cope with her talking to him like he’s 5 (‘ my little boo boo baby!!!’)
      She drives him crazy, she never, and i mean NEVER stops talking, about anything at all.  We decided that tonight we were going to watch the movie ‘Wolverine" and for you ladies out there it is definitely worth a look, Hugh Jackman, no shirt, muscles bulging….sigh!!! Anyway, back to the topic…..so im trying to watch while she is going on and on about these amazing pots and pans she has at home, by the way, she bought us one, and i made white sauce in it tonight for our roast lamb dinner.  I went to scrape the leftover sauce in the bin with a spoon and she screams ‘aaaahhh, dont use a spoon, you’ll scratch it’, to which i replied, ‘i am almost 40 years old and i think i can clean a damn pot without scratching it and if you dont like the way i do it then take it home with you!!!)
      Yes, somewhat harsh, but i have been on the edge for 3 days and had had enough.  So she thought that was a great joke and laughed.  Anyway, im trying to watch Hugh in all his glory and shes yap yap yapping.  About pots. 
      I am sure you have all got it by now…IM OVER IT!!!!!
      So in closing, my weekend was pretty crappy, im tired, im edgy, i havent spent any time with Dames.  We did go to the party last night….dont ask. I had 3 drinks and was in bed at 8.30, what a rager i am!!!
      I hope you had a better weekend than me, personally, im glad its over and i think i need a weekend from my weekend.  She will be back in 5 weeks for the wedding….God, help me!!!!
      On a positive, i didnt gamble and if anyone was going to drive me to it it would be her!!!!!
      Have a great day everyone, sorry bout the rant (im not really) bye for now, Kathryn xx Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21937
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Yea, I can hear you now with your mother-in-law.  I was chuckling a little myself because I am sure my daughter would say the same thing to me.  Gosh, you couldn’t even see that hunky guy speak with mother-in-law in background.  Well, you handled it well and thank God you can be yourself with her and say what’s on your mind.  Also, my granddaughter is always hearing advise from me she doesn’t want to hear, like don’t straighten your hair so much, you’ll burn it, or keep your skin clean so the pimples won’t come.  It’s all out of love, of course, but sometimes it drives them crazy.  Generation Gap, I guess. 
      Better weekends are ahead Kathryn.  The important thing is you are staying away from gambling.  What an acheivement for you to be away for that long. Good for you!!
      Thanks for your comments on my thread.  It’s good to be encouraged and you did just that and do with everyone you come in contact with.  Take care and keep up the good work.   Danielle
       

    • #21938
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, you must be a wonderful daughter in law if you can snap at your mother-in-law and she thinks you’re joking.  That’s a gift to say what you feel and not offend anyone!  Wish I had that gift.

    • #21939
      thebfunk
      Participant

      I feel your pain with the mother in law. My girlfriends mom spent a week with us recently. A WEEK! Thank goodness thats over. If that wont lead you to gamble nothing will.

    • #21940
      thebfunk
      Participant

      I feel your pain with the mother in law. My girlfriends mom spent a week with us recently. A WEEK! Thank goodness thats over. If that wont lead you to gamble nothing will.

    • #21941
      kathryn
      Participant

      Sorry, before i go to work i just have to say……WOOHOO!!!!! The mother in law has gone to stay with her other son for 2 nights.  You wouldnt think she has 5 children, she always has to stay with us.  Rang Dames and he said WOOHOO!!! All is well in the world.
      Bye All, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21942
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      Just wanted to show my face on your page and add my support.
      You’ve been a great help to me and I want to thanks to you again.
      And keep up the great work with your fight!!
      All the best,
      S.

    • #21943
      howanan
      Participant

      Well you survived a weekend with your mother in law.  You will survive the results.  All is well in Kathryns life.  Praise God.  Have a good restful week, and rewatch that movie. lol……….NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21944
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Just saying hi and thanks for all your support you have been really helpful to me with your posts.  I really laughed my head off when i read that you were in bed by 8 30pm what a rager!  It reminds me of me.  All the best to you, your posts are so funny sometimes. 
      P

    • #21945
      kathryn
      Participant

      Fester and Sashas swabs have arrived at the lab.  The tests will be completed on the 31st. I dont know if we will know then or the next day.  Im getting back on the rollercoaster folks, i hope you are prepared to come with me on the ride. I need you all now more than ever.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21946
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi K,
      I love rollercosters so yeh, Ill come along, so long as you bring the sick bags! you have the most amazing support on this site KAthryn, I know this won’t be easy for you, regardless of the outcome, stay strong and remain positive, your family needs YOU. I know this will be hard to deal with but remain in the right mind set, you are a wonderful person with fantastic qualities. ohhhhh and that song from the last ever Sopranos is on the radio in the background, happy thoughts, loved loved loved that show, recommend Sopranos to anyone, Tony, what a guy! (man love)
      take care Geek, chat soon…
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21947
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn.
      Just want to say thanks for your post about your everyday life. Your openness, and that of the others whose threads you follow and that follow your thread, is a big help.  In my pledge in "The Daily Pledge" I refer to such personal postings.  I posted my thoughts there as a release for me but am repeating it here to you to encourage you to keep up your Life Journal, both as a help to you and for help to me and others.
      May God bless and keep you.
      ———————————————- My Daily Pledge Post ————————————————————
      I will not gamble today.
      I went to my GA meeting last night and came away with a renewed incite into the help they give and the help I receive from this site.  I sit there and listen to, and read from many of the post here, about personal problems that seam to have nothing or little to do with gambling and wondered what the purpose was of spilling out this information.  It is now obvious, either these outside problems sent us to gambling to escape or out compulsive gambling was the cause of the problems.  We need to continue to address each of our everyday actions and feelings and discuss our weaknesses and concerns so that we can more truthfully see and deal with our gambling dilemma.
      So not only will I not gamble today, I will also not suppress any feeling that may send me into a state of wanting to use gambling as a release.Larry, aka Paul315"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – No matter how long in the program, I realize that without help and strength I might have to, but hopefully not, begin a new Day Two from time to time.

    • #21948
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Al, Vera and Paul, thanks for your posts.  I just wanted to brag really….i was playing the Wii with Harry and you can do this training session that tells you your fitness age.  I did mine and it said 29!!!! Woohoo. While all the woohooing was going on Harry was saying ‘mum, i won, i got 48’.  God bless him.
      Have a great day everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21949
      Anonymous
      Guest

      — 26/08/2009 3:15:03 AM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #21950
      thebfunk
      Participant

      My fingers are crossed. I hope nexttime i read your post i will see good news.. You deserve a break. If it doesnt fall in your direction, stay strong. Everyday you dont gamble you are proving to yourself how strong you are. IM sure you know from gambling that the only thing we can do when things dont go our way is take it one day at a time. I hope it doesnt come to that. Good luck.

    • #21951
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hiya Kathryn
      I wouldn’t miss this roller coaster ride with you and Meglee provided she has cleaned her mascara up, Aljohn and the elephant (hope the sick bags are big enough).   I have a mental picture of loads of members on the roller coaster chucking elephants out all over the place. I am sure they will all bounce and be OK but they do not belong in our homes.
      I wonder if in a tribe of elephants when things feel awkard in the clearing they imagine a human being!!!!!!
      Just a thought
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #21952
      meglee
      Participant

      Hello my lovely aussie friend
      Well, I’m always first in line for a roller coaster ride, so count me in too. (yes, I will elbow Velvet out of the way to get to the front of the queue LOL).
      Actually I think the rollercoaster analogy is very fitting for your situation. you see, the thing is with a rollercoaster, once its started, you cant jump off! You can cling on for dear life and be terrified the whole way, but that wont change the ride… its gonna happen anyway!
      Or you can just throw your arms in the air, and just GO WITH IT! Yes, i think thats called "letting GO!". Easier said than done I know, but for whatever reason Kathryn, the universe has decided to give you this opportunity, this enormous challenge, of letting go!
      We are all on this rollercoaster ride with ya babe! Al’s gonna have a big job hanging on to his cowboy hat, the sick bags AND managing the blessed elephant… someone will have to tell Velvet (gently) that her zimmerframe wont FIT in the rollercoaster… and someone else will have to give Vera a nudge to wake her up from nightshift again! As for me, I have a new waterproof mascara that can handle tears of any description!!!!
      I love that you are talking about dealing with your feelings, and facing them head on! And that you are so fiercely determined that you will not let this send you backwards. Look at how much you have faced already. You are not going to turn into a raving lunatic. Far from it.
      I do hope you and dames can find a way to share your feelings and talk openly about how its affecting you both, BEFORE you get the results. This is a great opportunity for the two of you to strengthen the bond and the openness that you have both been building on eh. So go and sit that man of yours down, tell him that you love him, but theres a big bloody elephant that needs sorting out, and you need his help to ask it to leave!
      Thanks for your post, and for keeping me updated. Rest assured though I am checking in here regularly to see how your doing! Awesome score on the wii by the way!! Ya might need to give wee harry some extra weetbix for breakfast though, if he’s scoring a 48!!? LOL!
      Much love and light to you
      Meg xxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21953
      kathryn
      Participant

      Velvet and Meg,
      You funny funny funny girls…what a hoot…i laughed so hard i cried.  Dames and i did have a chat tonight while i was at work, i called him on my tea break and we are going to come up with a plan on what we are going to do whatever happens.  At least that way we know where we are headed, and being a need to know person, i like to be organised!!!!
      I feel better knowing he is ready to talk, i need to get it straight in my head so i dont go crazy. Fester messaged him tonight, wanting to know whats going on, mind you she didnt send her swabs until almost 2 weeks ago.  I still cant stand that woman, the thought of her makes me cringe. 
      Anyway, all is ok with me tonight, im feeling calmer and the laugh i had was just the medicine i needed. Thanks girls!!
      Have a great day all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21954
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I need some advice, my head is going round and round and i need help to straighten it out. 
      Ive been thinking about what is going to happen when the results come back.  Ive got some what ifs going on and im not sure how to handle this one.  Ok, what if…the results come back positive, we organise a meeting with Sasha and Fester wants to be there.  Does she have the right? I want to tell her to F off personally, but i know we have to handle things a bit delicately.  I dont think she has any right at all to be there, i dont want her there because i think ill punch her ugly fester face in.  I do not, under any circumstances want her to have ANYGHING to do with my children. Now, Damian doesnt want her to have anything to do with her either, it will just be between Damian and Sasha and no one else. He will call her or vice versa. 
      Am i being unreasonable? I dont see how she needs to be involved.  This may not even happen, but some advice on how to handle it if it does would be very helpful.
      Thanks, have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21955
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi K,
      this is a topic outside my comfort zone but ill have a ‘stab’ at it anyhow!
      YOU are perfectly within your right to feel the way you are feeling, how dare this woman (tramp) walk into your lives after 15 years and think that she and her daughter can start to love happy families… Saying that I know its not the daughters fault, she is merely seeking to meet her dad, if your hubby is the father, well, its another chapter in your life that I am sure you and your family can cope with. I know you don’t want an extra family member and especially some other munter sticking her nose into your family, my blood is boiling at the thought, i’d be a bit like you, i’d like to smash her face in! please don’t do that though, you are better than that…
      Anyhow, that is my useless and pointless message of support.
      Keep strong K, I know it must be eating you up but we are all here for and with you 🙂
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21956
      danielle
      Participant

      Hello Kathryn,  I know you want some answers and some preparation for what you are about to face.  I see it as not really knowing what will happen, how hubby is going to react, what your children will want from all this.  We can’t really control what they will think and what they will do with this information.  I do think though that this "bitch" should not be involved at all with your family and your husband. I am sure you husband does not want anything to do with her either. The child, however, could be a part of your life and your family, depending up how your husband feels and what he wants for this child.  Do you know what he wants, should this child really be his?  Have the two of you made any plans on what you are going to do, if this child is his?  Kathryn, don’t let this destroy the marriage you built up over the years.  The incident happened when you were broken up so it’s not like he cheated on you and also, he knew nothing about this child until recently.  
      Just my opinion but I would talk with hubby and work it out somehow with him first.  Things have a way of working out so don’t stress so much right now. Wait and see what the results are and then take some action then.  Good luck and I wish you well.   Danielle

    • #21957
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well im not going there today, im sure you are all sick of hearing about it.
      Im working all weekend so i just wanted to pop a post in and say i hope you all have a lovely weekend.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21958
      sherry123
      Participant

      I know you said you ‘are not going there today" but I haven’t had a chance to post for awhile.  I think Fester should be cut out of the picture.  Sasha should text your husband not Fester. Sasha is old enough to visit your family alone.    …of course, that is assuming the DNA matches.  Fester should not be involved in any way. It would be different if Sasha was younger but she is old enough that she doesn’t need her mother beside her all the time.  My first husband had been married and he had a son.  Everytime we picked him up his ex-wife would have to come out and talk. She called the house whenever my step son was there.  He decided to live with us his last few years of High School. I felt like she was always trying to interfer in our family life but didn’t want to cause any waves so I tolerated it. After I filed for divorce, she thought she had a chance with my ex-husband (her ex-husband too), so I guess she always had alterior motives besides the interest of her son…but even being single, the ex tried to stay as far away from her as possible.  If Fester tries to be connected to your husband or your family, your husband needs to set the boundaries.  The attention should be on your family and Sasha and none on Fester. That’s my 2cents.

    • #21959
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chook
      Just wondering how your weekend of work is going? And how your nerves are holding out.
      It doesn’t matter what it is, when we have to sit around waiting for something that we know may/will have a huge impact on our lives… the waiting is the worst part!!!!!
      At least the waiting will be over soon. Just trust in yourself kathryn. No matter what the outcome you are made of strong stuff! Whatever you are meant to deal with… you will be able to deal with!
      My profile signature on here used to be "the will of God will never take you, where the grace of God will not protect you". (I’m not a religious person, but i am spiritual and you can call it God, or the universe, or your higher power…. whatever). I do believe we are all equipped with the necessary life-tools to handle what is thrown at us, but sometimes we just forget to believe enough in ourselves.
      Look how far you have come! Go back and read some of the wise, insightful posts you have written to others on here! You have EVERYTHING you need to deal with WHATEVER life throws at you. Without gambling because of it!
      I hope the sun is shining on you tomorrow babe (the sun almost ALWAYS shines in australia doesnt it!!!?? LOL. That’s why I’m coming over….. 9 sleeps and counting!!!!).
      Just know that there will be so many of us thinking of you, and your journey, as we go about our day on Monday!
      Much love and light to you my friend
      meg xxxx
       "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21960
      marilee
      Participant

      Kathryn…good morning!  Just catching up on your thread and note that there has been no resolution to the saga yet.  I can’t imagine how you are holding up under this pressure.  If you are able to remain gamble-free through this, there isn’t anything you can’t handle.  I won’t offer an opinion, just my warm thoughts and a cross-universe hug!
      Hey, I love rollercoasters too!  I want to climb on with all of you.  Like Meg says, I’ll throw my arms up in the air and just go with the ride.  Oh, once I talked my ex-husband into going on one (he hates rides), and the little car chugged to the top of the first hill…..and stopped.  We were stuck there for five minutes.  At which point it was a good thing it started going again, because one of us was going over the side if it didn’t.  He kept saying "are you happy now?  are you?" and I kept saying shut up.  I love rollercoasters, but I hate heights. 
      Stay strong my girl.  Life will bring what it brings.  Just throw your arms up and embrace the ride!

    • #21961
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Dear Kathryn
      I have been thinking long and hard about you and your questions.
      I cannot imagine Fester’s thinking and agree completely with everybody else that she should have no input in what is going on. She is out of the picture, dead in the water. Same goes for Mr Fester – what he is thinking can only be surmised!!!! They should have nothing to do with your family, you are not being unreasonable. 
      I have tried to think what I would do and feel if I were in your shoes.   I do think that if we can hold our heads up high when we are faced with a dreadful situation it is easier to live with afterward. It is good to look back on our behaviour with pride.   Come on here and scream but keep your head up when it matters. xx
      I have tried to think what I would feel if I was Sasha and in many ways that was easier. I think I would be terrified. 
      I do believe that when we believe someone is more scared than we are it helps.  
      You will be in my thoughts all day tomorrow. You have been in my thoughts for many days already.
      Go for it. You are a great girl. I’ve got my arms up ready to embrace the ride with you if you will allow me. Don’t be afraid. You can do this.  
      Loads and loads of love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       
       
       

    • #21962
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      Still got everything crossed for you on the outcome tomorrow (or is that today for your time?).
      All my best as always,
      S.

    • #21963
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  Thanks for your post on my thread … it’s always so lovely to hear from you.  After you mentioned decadent ice-cream, I went out for some delicious softserve icecream at our local Dairy Queen.
      Hope work went well for you … sometimes, it’s the best thing when we’re anxious about things.  I have my fingers crossed for you here in Toronto … hoping for the very best outcome.  I, too, have been trying to put myself in your shoes, and it’s hard to even imagine how difficult it must be for you.  I think I would probably be an insecure wreck though.  For what it’s worth, I think that at 16, Sasha is perfectly capable of contacting your husband herself and the Fester creature should keep out of things at this point.  I can understand why she would have made the first contact, but everything after that should be between Sasha and Damien (if indeed he is the father).  No matter the outcome, I’m sure you’ll feel some relief that the waiting is over.
      On this end, I have not gambled.  Had a bit of a trying weekend trying to figure out finances.  Still not out of the woods, but perhaps it’s time for me to stop playing stay-at-home-mommy and get my ample butt back to work.  That will be my focus this week (I know, I know, I’ve said that before, lol.  But kids will be returning to school on September 8, so I’ll have absolutely no excuses after that.  Besides, I like money, especially the "new frugal me" … the thought of doubling or tripling debt repayments thrills me!!)
      Sending supportive hugs and very best wishes down south.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21964
      kathryn
      Participant

      No news yet, looks like we wont know now until tomorrow…this is excruciating!

    • #21965
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chook
      Ah, i wish there was a community group chat on tonight, so i could at least talk dongle’s with you to take your mind off things… anything to make you laugh!
      It moments in life like this one, that you just have to ‘ride it out’. y’know….. hands in the air!!?? cant change the outcome etc etc.
      I’m kind ‘riding it out’ myself tonight – having just left a conversation/meeting with my ex, that; once it is documented with the lawyers; will spell the end of my marriage. ugh. i feel sick. Discussing finanaces and possessions was easy compared to the trading that went on over who gets how many hours with kids on xmas day, how we manage my sons 7th birthday in a few weeks, and the fact i have just been UN-invited to a fathers day dinner next sunday!
      Hands in the air babe! What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!!!? (by god, we’ll be the strongest chicks in the Antipodes! AND we have added ‘dongle’ to our vocabulary!! We have SO much going for us LOL LOL LOL)
      Hang in there babe. you’re doing GREAT!!!
      Much much love, light AND strength to you!
      Meg xxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21966
      velvet
      Moderator

      With you in thought
      Velvet xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #21967
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i spent the whole day yesterday moping around, waiting…..with no result.  I have woken up this morning and decided i am going to take Megs advice.  Im putting my hands in the air, letting go and just going with the flow.  God only knows when the results will be there, Fester is pestering Damian about the results, bloody cheeky considering she didnt tell him for 15 years!!!
      I was so tired last night, exhausted from the anticipation of what? Nothing.  We will know when we know, hopefully it will be soon, if i could choose it would be this week as i have my 4 day weekend and if i want to cry i can without worrying about going to work. I am on my 81st day gamble free, i thought about gambling a lot yesterday, but im not letting this situation send me backwards.
      Have a great day all, i will certainly be trying to keep busy, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21968
      meglee
      Participant

      Hello my friend
      Keep on keeping busy! Add some loud and triumphant music to your day like "i am woman hear me roar" LOL, or that cool blackeyed peas song thats out at the mo. (cant remember the name right now…) I love that one its SO upbeat!
      Totally agree Fester has a nerve chasing Dames for results (after 15 years of withholding), and anyway she should get results from the lab same as you guys i would assume! Anyway, dont dwell on fester. Waste of energy you could be putting in elsewhere!
      81 days!!!!? Awesome! You wont let this put you back.
      You are so right, you will know when you know… so go and enjoy your day!
      Much love and light (hands in the air with ya!)
      meg xxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21969
      thebfunk
      Participant

      My fingers are still crossed for you

    • #21970
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Great going, Kathryn … 81 days is amazing.  I’m crossing my fingers for the very best outcome for you.
      All the best.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21971
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well the results are in……
      DAMIAN IS NOT THE FATHER !!!!!!!Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21972
      the cowboy
      Participant

      OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG i AM SOOOOOOOOOO pleased for you and your family KAthryn, I am sure you are all over the moon, seems my weeeeee prayers were answered!!!!!!!!!!!!
      I am sitting at my computer screeen with the biggest smile on my face!!!!!!!!!
      Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
      Well done you for sticking at it, it could have been soooo easy to excape and to gamble, you didn’t so I am soooo proud of you KKKK
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21973
      the cowboy
      Participant

      YipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeePlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21974
      female g
      Participant

      I’VE GOT A FELLING BY THE BLACK EYED PEAS THAT TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A GOOD GOOD NIGHT  YES A GREAT SONG TO LIVE BY AS WELL EVERY NIGHT AWAY FROM GAMBLING IS A GOOD GOOD NIGHT!!!!!

    • #21975
      meglee
      Participant

      LOL! Looks like Al just said it all! (watch out cowboy – i think ya hat just blew off! haha)
      Yes "tonight IS a good good night" Kathryn. You just faced a huge enormous test, drawn out over all these weeks, and you Passed! You didn’t gamble!!!
      Fester will no longer be an issue. Guess she has some explaining to do to poor sasha… but it aint your problem anymore!!!
      I think we’re all smiling for ya out here in cyber space! have a great nite chook.
      love and light
      meg xxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21976
      sury
      Participant

      WOW…FINALLY…GOOD BYE FESTER….! YOU SHOULD CELEBRATE ….! WITH NO GAMBLING OF COURSE. TIME FOR A NEW CHAPTER KAT!!!! TAKE CARE….!

    • #21977
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hiya Kathryn
      Thank goodness for that. I woke this morning to a giant bang and all across my bedroom window was grey stuff – I thought the world had come to an end.
      I am sooooooooooooooooo relieved to read your fantastic post and know that what I heard was just the elephant exploding.
      I don’t even mind cleaning it off the windows it is such happy day because the night of the Fester has gone and the sun is shining.
      I must secretly admit I am relieved not to be going on the roller coaster with Al throwing up and Meg’s flailing arms smacking me across the face but I suspect you are still on a bit of a ride. Allow yourself to slow down gently – you must have been wound up like a coiled spring for quite a long time. Please look after yourself as you un-ping.
      As Always with loads of love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #21978
      howanan
      Participant

      I’m glad for you and your family Kathryn.  Now that book can be closed and your life goes on.  I do feel sorry for Sasha.  I do hope she finds her real father if that is what SHE wants to do and not Fester.  Your strength got you through this.  Great job….. NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21979
      marilee
      Participant

      Whew!  You can climb off the rollercoaster now.  I too feel sorry for the girl, but can’t imagine why her mother put everyone through this if she didn’t know for sure.  I hope you and Dames get to have a good talk now, I’m sure his emotions are running everywhere.  And through it all…little Kat didn’t gamble!  You are fabulous girl.  Once your breathing returns to a regular schedule (lol) then I’m sure you’ll get on the with the business of living a gamble-free life.  Way more fun "out here" than in the casino. 

    • #21980
      danielle
      Participant

      So happy for you Kathryn and your family.   Now things can return to normal.  To think you didn’tgamble through all that worry.  Good for you. Take care and breath easy now.  Danielle

    • #21981
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good Morning Everyone,
      Now im proboably going to sound like an Oscar winner but….first id like to thank God (only joking) I just wanted to say thank you all soooooo much for your support throughout all this, I have such good friends here and you all helped me get through this hard time. 
      Fester rang Damian last night (I was at work) and was extremely upset, saying that the test was wrong.  She said ‘I know that you are her father’,  and you know it too!!!! Dames said the DNA doesnt lie and offered to do another test.  Fester said that Sasha didnt want to, that Sasha had said we could all go and get F’d.  I can only imagine what that woman is saying to her daughter.  I know she wants to believe it but the results are the results. So she did the next best thing, which was to put doubt in Damians mind that maybe the test was dodgy and it was wrong!  He was very angry when i got home.  I kept saying to him that the lab (its called genetrack) was not dodgy, i had done my research before ordering the test, blah blah blah.
      So our wonderful happy night turned to crap basically.  I was floating when i got home, and there was a lot more room in the lounge now that the elephant had left the building! I got up early this morning, i wanted to see Damian before he went to work.  He said he had thought about it and wasnt going to let her put a guilt trip on him.  I told him that she was grasping at straws, as if she was going to tell Sasha that she had slept around, so im guessing that she will tell Sasha her whole life that Damian is her father.  At least then she wont look like the ***** she is.  And she is not going to want another test either because she knows that the test is right.
      I sent her a copy yesterday, she will get it today.  I also messaged her last night with the number of the company and suggested she call it if she had concerns about their credibility.  She messaged back saying thanks, but they are not going to pursue it as ‘Sasha’ doesnt want to. Anyway, its not our problem anymore, although if she comes back and wants another test we will be there (but im not paying for that one)
      I am hoping that we never hear from them again, that it is now well and truly behind us and we can move on with our life. 
      Thanks again everyone, i cant quite believe i didnt gamble through all this, good lord i wanted to. But if i can go through something like this and not gamble, i can conquer anything!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21982
      thebfunk
      Participant

      Im really happy everything worked out for you. You made it through a very trying time and didnt break and gamble. Good for you. Keep pushin.

    • #21983
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Oh Kathryn,
      You’ve made my day with your news!
      And you both stood strong and didn’t gamble throughout this horrendous, excruciating stress – awesome.
      It’s so great to see that good things do sometimes happen to lovely people. 
      You deserve this news: you give so much to people on here, I know your news has given us all a boost.
      All my best as always,
      S.
      PS. No, hold that…you’ve made my week!!!
       

    • #21984
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  What incredible news!!  This is exactly the outcome I was hoping for you.  I must say, you have shown incredible strength of character through this.  You have shown determination to keep your family intact and unbelievable discipline by sticking to your goal of not gambling.  A lesser person would have cracked and gambled …wow, you amaze me!
      Thank you for your post on my thread.  Yes, it may very well be time for a trade-up, lol!!  Although, I’ve already traded up once, and unless I want to follow in Liz Taylor’s footsteps, I’d better work at this one. 
      Our kids start school in September, and essentially have two terms …. September-December, and January to June.  So they’re off from mid-June to the beginning of September … a very long time, and needless to say, they LOVE it!!  You’re right, it is planned around the summer.  It goes way back in history when kids were needed in the fields in the summer and for the harvest in the early fall.  Winter and spring were convenient times for school … and so it remains.
      Since this is the last week of their vacation, I’m having their cousins over for the day on Wednesday, and their school friends over for the day on Thursday.  Two whole days of romping, screaming, laughing, HUNGRY, crazy boys aged 10-12.  I can hardly wait . Friday, I have to drive many miles to pick up their school uniforms (God knows why their school chose this particular supplier) and Saturday, it’s shopping for supplies with all the other crazed, disorganized parents and disgruntled kids.  Heavens, that reminds me, I have to shop for school shoes too!!!!
      End of day 36 and no urges to gamble.  I was driving my oldest to the bookstore this evening and had to take the same highway exit that I would normally use to go to the casino.  I didn’t even think about it when I was driving by … now that’s progress for me. 
      You must be into your 83rd day already … only 17 ODAAT"s to go to the magic 100. Way to go, girl, I am SO proud of you.
      All the best.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21985
      sherry123
      Participant

      Wonderful news Kathryn!  Isn’t it odd what a difference one word or phrase can make?  Your family is built on a strong foundation that even Fester couldn’t crumble.  I’m so happy for you!

    • #21986
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well today is a new day.  Dames and i had a chat this morning and we have let it go.  As he said, we were so ready for the results to say that Sasha was his, that the shock of her not being his was enormous.  We really did take Fester (that is the last time i will say her name) at her word. I have to wonder if she wasnt expecting us to do the DNA test.  Also, we have to wonder if he ever slept with her at all, i am doubtful.  He told me that he remembered getting up in the morning and only having to put on his shoes, he was fully dressed.  Anyway, unless we hear anything else from them, the topic is now CLOSED!!!!
      So today, i am going shopping with Brea.  As its fathers Day on Sunday (is it the same everywhere else?) we are going shopping for Dames. Brea bought him a crucafix to wear around his neck and the chain is broken so we will either buy him  a new chain for that or i was thinking of a watch. 
      I have my Amazing Race night with Jode tonight.  She is in her new house, its beautiful and yesterday she was having the cupboards and shelves fitted out in her walk in pantry.  She rang me at 7am.  They had arrived early so her and the kids came over for breaky.  It was lovely.  She has also found out that one of her foster children is going to permanent care, which means he will never go back to the mother.  Now THAT is amazing news for her. She is a born mother that one!!!
      Yesterday, in my Oscar speech, i left out one important person (dont they always?) I want to say a big thank you to Harry, who stopped me from going insane, for keeping me level headed and rational (well most of the time) and who listened to me going on for hours at a time.  H, the crystal ball is now in a million pieces, thank you so much for putting up with a ranting, raving luntic woman and always finding something positive to say. You have the patience of a saint!!!
      I hope you all have a wonderful, gamble free day.  Im feeling a lot lighter today, the weight is slowly lifting and i am starting to unwind.  Time to start living again, taking it one day at a time.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21987
      sury
      Participant

      oh yes..fathers Day..sunday..my two kids have been busy making special cards for their dad. No present .. dad is still away. We’ll give him a call on the day…not asking for money..of course. Good on you Kat!!!..we all have problems and dramas in our lives..and you are not gambling which makes it easier to face them.

    • #21988
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  I am so happy to read the relief and happiness in your post. Sounds like you have realigned and are determined to move on with your life. Good for you ! 
      Re: Father’s Day … we celebrate Father’s Day in mid-June in North America (honestly thought it was the same around the world!)  But then, I should know better … Thanksgiving in Canada is in early October, and just a few miles to the south, in the U.S., it is in November. 
      On this side, we have had lovely sunshiny days for the past week, so I’ve indulged the boys and taken them to the beach on most days.  This is the last week of their vacation, after all.  Will do again today.  We’ve truly had a crappy summer of rain and unsettled weather (including tornadoes, for the first time … NOT fun!!).  Next week, it’s back to reality for all of us.  That will mean full-on marketing for my business and maybe even seeking a full-time job as an alternative.  I’ve been and independent consultant for the past 13 years, so that will be a tough adjustment, if I go the full-time route.
      Anyway, I’m yabbering on as usual. 
      Talk soon.  Keep strong.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21989
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  I had to laugh at your description of me !!! Isn’t it funny how we picture each other.  I live in Canada, close to Toronto.  I live in the suburbs, so no huge expanse of land (I wish), but we live close enough to farmland.  I had visions of Caroline Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie in your description. Not quite the calm, serene Mom either, I’m afraid  … bit of a fireball at times. You got the wild boys part, right on though … in a positive way.  My husband is quite strict on the amount of time they spend on video games and tv, so they’re very active.  Running around, making up games, exploring … and when friends come over — WATCH OUT!!  We’ve never been fussy about "things", so kids pretty much have free rein.  My room is really the only room off limits. 
      Anyway, thanks for a chuckle on a rather mundane Friday afternoon.  Yes, school is now only four days away.  Poor boys are NOT impressed.  My kids attend a private school that offers warm lunches, but my boys prefer me to put in their lunches.  It IS a pain trying to keep things interesting. Once a week, they`re allowed to leave school premises and visit a nearby restaurant for lunch.  It`s very tightly monitored, and they travel in groups of six … no lonely wanderers allowed.  I like this because they learn to handle themselves in restaurants, manage money etc.  The restaurant manager monitors them closely and even a toe out of line is reported to the principal.  I`ve never seen a school with such discipline.
      This is going to be a very busy school year for me, especially with my eldest.  It`s the last two years before high school, so I want to ensure he is solidly prepared.  So, I will be working closely with the teachers.  That`s going to be a handful when my business ramps out again.  Gambling kept me away from much of the academic plans I have for my kids.  And it wasted too much money that should have gone to extra-curricular activities and tutoring to put them ahead of the game.
      Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.  I have to move onward and upward. 
      I still can`t get over how far you`ve come.  You`re inching ever nearer to that 100 day milestone (almost one third of a year).  It really does get slightly easier as time moves on, doesn`t it?  I think you should start planning a major celebration for you 100th day.  You deserve it for how incredibly well you’ve stuck to this program.
      Enjoy the weekend with your family.  You must be getting close to spring, and I’m sure you’re looking forward to it.  Are you close to the beach?   I envy anyone who lives near the ocean.
      This is a long weekend for us and I have MUCH to do.  Hubby has just taken boys for haircuts, I have to pick up uniforms and school supplies and then figure out something special to end the holidays.
      Heavens … I did it again … yammer, yammer, yammer!!
      Talk soon.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21990
      meglee
      Participant

      Hello my friend
      Lovely to chat again last night!
      I too, am excited about your 100 day mark that is looming… I SO know you will make it!!!
      As you know, I have had an up-and-down week (just posted a rant about on my thread so wont re-hash it on yours). Its now saturday night and i’m sitting here on my own after putting kids to bed (as usual). I have just been outside to gaze at the sky…. we have the most glorious full moon tonight! I sat and stared and stared. Then i started getting all metaphorical, so i thought i’d share it with you (in the desperate hope that SOMEONE else will GET IT – and i’m not just going off ‘my trolley’!! haha)
      The things i love the most about a full moon are…. firstly, it lights everything up! you cannot hide! there is no ‘cover of darkness’ that night usually provides! Secondly, it is a full circle!  beginning and end. complete! Thirdly, the longer you stare at it….. the more it starts to look like the ‘light at the end of a dark tunnel’!!!
      It made me think alot about my journey, and all the different (but same) journeys we share on this site.
      Then it led me to think of our roller-coaster analogy (y’know zimmerframes, pink elephants, cowboys, ‘arms in the air’ etc) and it made me laugh!
      So, after going going outside to look at the moon, feeling sad and melancholy…. i have come back in smiling and laughing! And, among others, I was thinking of you my friend! so, thank you!
      I hope your world is well tonight!
      Much love and light
      meg xxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #21991
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, i have my dress for the wedding! Im soooo pleased, for all the ladies, its black and white and long to the floor, flowing and gorgeous.  I have booked my hair to be done on the day and will have it up, with a white liily in it i think.  Jode is paying for my makeup to be done(its my birthday coming up) so i will be looking mighty fine i think!!!!! I havent had my make up done since i got married, 17 years ago so im looking forward to that.
      As for the home front, i have been feeling a little wierd about the whole thing (you know), I feel like Dames has pulled away a little bit, but a wise man told me that men tend to deal with their feelings on the inside.  Or it could just be me reading too much into things, who knows.
      Im having a very quiet weekend, tomorrow is Fathers day so we will be doing the rounds of the papas.  Im cooking a roast lamb for tea for the father of honour and generally getting ready for the week ahead.  I have been very lazy on the homefront since the whole sa****ate, so im going to do some baking (from a box!)
      My mother is the master baker, unfortunately i never got her culinary skills.  But no one complains when the chocolate cake is dished out! Last night i had my first gambling related dream since i have stopped.  I can only remember parts of it but i know i was in Ireland, and i got thrown out of a venue.  I woke up in a hot sweat, i was going to get up and write it down but it was too cold! I think i may leave a pen and paper next to the bed.  I havent had a dream that ive remembered for i dont know how long, but it was very strange.
      Anyway, i hope you all have a wonderful, gamble free weekend, and for all the fathers in Australia, Happy Fathers Day!
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21992
      howanan
      Participant

      Gee Katheryn you have come so far from your first post.  You should be so proud of yourself.  Sounds like you have a busy weekend planned.  You are having Fathers Day and we are having Labor Day.  Our Fathers Day is in June and Mothers Day is in May.  Hae a great day with your family………..NancyLife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

    • #21993
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Ms. K:  Your totally crack me up with your wild imagination.  Huck Finn?  Pocohontas??? LOL!!  I live in a city of 93,000 people, just bordering Toronto, which is like Sydney.  We are very far from an ocean, but a 10 minute drive to Lake Ontario, which is as large as an ocean.  Hard to imagine a lake being that big, but it really is enormous.  On some days the waves are as high as any ocean.  My boys LOVE it!!
      Your town sounds absolutely divine. I’m imagining a resort town, where everyone knows each other and everyone is friendly and welcoming.  My mind goes to 1950s beach blanket movies … not that I was even close to being born then, of course (lol).  It must be incredibly beautiful on your beaches with a view of Sydney across the bay, especially at night.  Do you take your kids down for midnight swims or evening barbeques on the beach??? I’m so very jealous.
      It’s so weird to think that when I’m writing to you at 1:00 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon, it’s already Sunday morning on your side.  Crazy, huh?  I’m just off to go and pick up uniforms I ordered last week and then perhaps a bit of shopping.  Leaving the boys to the hubby, he’ll take them to the lake with the dog.
      Yes, our boys do sound similar ages.  My eldest is 12 and is in middle school. Both my kids have been at school since age 3 though … Montessori has a different system and approach.  My baby is 11 … I can’t believe it … I get so depressed as I see them growing and eventually leaving me.  I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about.
      You do sound wonderful though, and like you’re quickly moving on from that last blip in your life.  Good for you, girl!!  You’re a real go-getter!!  Enjoy your Sunday, Happy Father’s Day to Damien.  When is Mother’s Day in Australia?  Is that different to our too?
      Stay strong (I know you will).
      All the best.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21994
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I am going to sound CRAZY.  Yes all is well in my life after the big drama.  But i have been quite cranky since it all ended.  I have been trying to work out why and i think i know what it is.
      As horrendous as the whole situation was, and you all know how hard it was for me to get a grip on it, i actually think that it was the closest thing i have had to a gambling ‘buzz’ for a long time. All the drama, tears, meltdowns were actually feeding my adrenalin, it was racing through my body every 10 minutes and now…
      I think i have a gambling hangover without gambling.
      Do you think thats possible? You know the feeling of walking into a venue to gamble, well i was getting that feeling every time i thought of what ‘may’ happen, it was a rush, an awful one but a rush just the same.
      Now its all over, and dont get me wrong, i am soooooo happy with the results, i feel really flat, tired, lethargic.  I dont quite know how to snap out of it.  My mind has gone from everything to nothing in one milisecond, the second i read the result.  Its the wierdest thing. 
      Anyway, any thoughts would be appreciated,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #21995
      marilee
      Participant

      Hi K…first of all, I can imagine you will look very gorgeous in your wedding finery.  It’s fun being a girl sometimes, isn’t it?  After years of being a pretty plain jane in the way I dressed, I am starting to actually look at real outfits, putting things together, adding jewellry and scarves.  Kind of fun…I’ve even actually looked at shoes with heels and pointy toes! 
      Just wanted to comment on your thoughts about the drama, and how it resembled a gambling "buzz".  Think about gambling in terms of the chemical release that you get, and the adrenalin surge that occurs.  I think that is why we are compulsive, we keep looking for a greater and greater buzz.  When you do anything that creates a chemical rush (exercising, any kind of drama) you are indeed replicating the physiology, or brain chemistry, of gambling.  When there is no longer that surge, you actually miss it.  If you want to give it to your body in a healthy way, go for a brisk walk, or dance around your living room. 
      You also have to allow yourself some time to recover from the severe emotional trauma that occurred because of this incident.  Be kind to yourself Kathryn…you are a stand-up gal, you kept your family together through this difficult period, and you deserve time to rest. 

    • #21996
      the cowboy
      Participant

      hi K,
      I am not sure, I know what you mean, but I cant figure how to put it into words?
      i will come back to you on that wan ma love, you have me behind the 8 ball!Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #21997
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  I think it’s quite natural for you to be feeling flat and tired. It’s that anti-climactic feeling after a major event.  Almost a letdown.  Sometimes our minds lead us to believe that life will be perfect if only we resolve this one problem.  When the problem is resolved and life goes back to normal … and isn’t "perfect" … we feel lost and sad.  I think you just have to go through this, it’s another stage in the process.  Soon, you will recover your chirpy self.  Just give yourself time.
      It must be early Monday where you are.  Are you working this week?  Try to factor in some fun time with your husband or your best friend.  You need something else to look forward to.
      Sending hugs and happy thoughts across the miles.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #21998
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      You don’t sound at all crazy to me. I know you pop over to F&F. Have you never read the posts that say – ‘My husband Fred Bloggs  is committing to a gamble-free life why do I feel weird and crying when I’ve waited for years for this moment’?
      Anything that affects our emotions deep down takes time to get that deep. I think that when the situation turns and impossible dreams become possible it must take time for the emotion to come out and so we feel weird and cry and other things that we don’t think we should do or feel.
      I think your description ‘gambling hangover’ is superb but I think this time it is an emotional hangover that you just need to take your time with. You were all geared up to believe the worst so that you could cope and then ‘POW’ the elephant blew up and left you reeling. Your mind felt like it was going from everything to nothing in one millisecond but your sub-conscious is taking a little longer to accept it is over. You will get there and this will become a distant memory just another little hiccough along life’s way.
      I have my glass ready for raising on the 11th which fortunately falls a week before the full moon so hopefully I should be fairly stable and won’t spill my toast to you.
      The dress sounds terrific and a make-over will make you feel tip-top. I just wear a mask these days or a brown paper bag on special occasions.
      Loads and Loads of Love
      Velvet xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #21999
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, today i am wild!!!! You know how i went shopping and bought my beautiful dress on Friday…well Monday the catalogue comes out and heres my dress…$50 cheaper. I have rung the store and they are unprepared to refund my $50.  I told them that they would have known that the dress would be on sale Monday, to which the sales girl agreed, but i have to return the dress and wait 24 hours to go get it at the cheaper price…which i am going to do. Its the principle.  What disgusting customer service, i told her so too.  So on my day off im traipsing into town to return it.  I know it may sound petty, if the sale was on in 2 weeks well thats the luck of the draw, but 2 days????? Its the principle to me, and hey, if it happens to sell before then, well ill just have to find another one.
      Anyway, coming up to my 3 month mark….woohoo.  It feels good to not have that strong, painful urge anymore.  The thought is still there, proably always will be, but i will just keep coping like i have been, whatever works i say.
      I am starting to relax a lot more now, trying to get back to my happy self, and its coming along, slowly. Im breathing out before i say anything, i have been biting heads off everywhere, its time to stop.  Life is good, i am a very fortunate person to have such a wonderful family.  I can feel the emotion draining out of me, my shoulders are starting to relax, its time to enjoy my life.
      Thanks everyone, have a wonderful day.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22000
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hey crazy K (your news name)
      Well done for sticking at it, and i totally agree about the dress, I have been known to do that to (for debs dresses) It goes to show you that gambling doesn’t have to ruin your life forever!!! Enjoy your Birthday (29) and make sure to have a drink for meeeee, your wee irish mate.
      keep the faith young lady!
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #22001
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Al,    
      Sure, sure the dresses are for Deb, thats what they all say!!!!!!! Take care my friend, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22002
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  Posted a long note, then lost it.  Lovely!! Just to add to my already charming mood.  Thanks for your supportive post, my friend, I needed the shake up.  Have much to do, just around the house, so I must get to it. 
      Incredible work on the three months … you should be proud and celebrate!!!  This is going to be a great birthday, isn’t it???  Many WOOOOOO-HOOOOOs from Canada.  I’m glad you’ve found your Happy Place.  Stay there and enjoy … God knows you’ve earned it!!
      All the best.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22003
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, i did take the dress back, and im going in tonight to re-purchase it.  In reality, $50 used to be a drop in the bucket, i would put 10 of them in a machine in an hour and not give a rats.
      I always remember leaving a venue thinking, i could have filled my cupboards with groceries for a month with what i just spent, i could have taken the kids to the movies 5 times, i could have, i could have, i could have.
      I am also picking up my ‘bling’ for my birthday tomorrow, i have to wonder, if all this hadnt happened if i would be getting it but hey, WHO CARES, im getting it anyway and i think i am a most deserving recipient!!!!!!!
      I am going to a show tonight with my sister, its a comedy show, i have never been to one so it should be good. My sister has a great sense of humor, we always have a laugh together, she is the quiet one while im loud and dramatic.  We get on really well, im really looking forward to it. The last few years we have been doing quite a lot together, we have a few things coming up in the next 6 months, another comedy show, the Australian Open Tennis, Mamma Mia.  Im lucky to have a sister that im so close with, although it wasnt always like that, she was really close with my eldest sister who died, and when that happened we were drawn together.  Something good comes from something bad.
      My mother in law sent me $100 for my birthday!!! I was shocked.  She sends Damian $50, how funny is that….she knows who to stay in the good books with.  I will put it in the bank, with everything i have coming up, it will come in handy for something!
      Well, tomorrow is my 3 month mark, although in reality it is just another day i will not gamble.  I wish i didnt have to work, but ive been lucky in that ive had the last few years off, just by chance with the roster.
      Anyway, have a great gamble free day, id better go and wash my hair,  have to look nice for tonight!!!
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22004
      marilee
      Participant

      Well, happy birthday and a happy 3 month anniversary!  Lots to celebrate in your world.  I’m pleased to see that you are relaxing…one thing most of us have never learned is to allow R & R time when we need it.  I looked with some yearning in my eyes today at my bed…I could definitely use a good lay-in.  I’m trying a sleeping pill now, just desperate to get some uninterrupted sleep.  I need to allow myself some time to get back to routine again after that wild August.  I’m off on a business trip next week, so I’ll have to snatch what rest I can.  Anyways, hope you got your dress on the second go-round.  Enjoy your celebration days!

    • #22005
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi Ya Kathryn
      Your Quote "
      I am also picking up my ‘bling’ for my birthday tomorrow, i have to wonder, if all this hadnt happened if i would be getting it but hey, WHO CARES, im getting it anyway and i think i am a most deserving recipient!!!!! "
      In my opinion once we really break through the initial stopping stage of gambling many feel the need to save as much as possible, pay of debts as quick as possible etc…  This can so easily lead to the feeling of being deprived and subsequently lead to resenting recovery… So good on ya, you do deserve it.
      Harry"Occasionally it’s wise to doubt our doubts, to question our questions, and to re-think our thoughts."

    • #22006
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      An early well done on your 3 months, it really is great watching people come here and really start to blossom. Don’t worry about spending a bit of cash and treating yourself, I think its all part of the recovery. It took me a while to spend out on "normal" things after I gave up because I still had that gambler head on but once I did I was sort of amazed at what money can buy compared to what I used to gamble away.
      Anyway have a great birthday and stay strong.
      Cheers
      Carl My soul is back

    • #22007
      meglee
      Participant

      Happy Birthday Chook! and happy 3 months.
      Sydney Rocks! I am having a blast and i SO deserve this! (hehe)
      I am climbing to the top of the sydney harbour bridge today. it is a glorious sydney day of course, and the harbour looks beautiful from my balcony! When i get to the top I’ll be ‘throwing my arms in the air’ and thinking of you and all our amazing friends on here!
      When i get ‘back down to earth’ I’ll be having a drink for ya too my friend! (and 3 for Velvet! LOL)
      Much much love and light
      Meg
      xxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22008
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Birthday Girl:  Many happy returns of the day and may your year be spectacular!!  You deserve nothing less.  Buy all the bling you need (I call it "shiny pretties" … something I picked up from my three year old niece and it’s stuck for years).  Now that she’s 30, we still go for our "shiny, pretties" fix!!
      Congratulations too on your gamble-free time.  You have done an awesome job in times where many may have cracked.  You have so much to be proud of.
      Gotta run … much homework and studying to be supervised and there is only 30 minutes before bedtime. 
      All the best.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22009
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well thank you for your wishes, i have had a lovely day.  Jodie and i took the kids to one of those indoor jungle gyms…they had a blast and we could have coffee in relative peace!
      My bling looks f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s, i shouldnt wear it to work but im going to just because….i went and got my dress back for the sale price…lol… although the one i took back had been sold so i had to order another one to be delivered, but its coming.  I had a fantastic time with my sister last night, she spoils me rotten, the show was hilarious, i never knew people sitting on a stage saying nothing at all could be so funny.  So all in all i have had a lovely birthday, oh, and Brea bought me a beautiful blingy clutch bag for the wedding…im all set!
      So 3 months gamble free today.  I actually had an urge driving home last night and i know exactly why…it was because i didnt tell Damian (well i didnt know) what time i would be home.  I used to love it when i was going somewhere and i wasnt sure when it would finish, i could always pop in for a quick gamble.  The urge lasted all of 2 minutes, i put the radio on really loud and started singing, it did the trick.
      So i hope you are all having a lovely gamble free day, thank you all for your wonderful support over the last 3 months, im sure without you i wouldnt have done so well.  Everytime i look at my bling finger, it will remind me not only of how much i am loved, but that life without gambling makes everything else that little bit more enjoyable.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22010
      thebfunk
      Participant

      Happy bday! Congrats on your bling, but most important congrats on three months. Enjoy the milestone and pat yourself on the back for fighting your gambling urge.

    • #22011
      the cowboy
      Participant

      happy birthday Kathryn and congrats, you deserve it.
      Well done.
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #22012
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi Kathryn
      Happy 29th Birthday, well I can’t give it away can I. 
      Well done on your three months gambling free, and your three months of your life recovery..
      To me the best part of your post is the urge, the fact you’ve admitted it in its self is fantastic, but the greatest part is that you realised what triggered the urge, you put the radio on and the urge dissipated. That’s true awareness of you. In my opinion that should be what your most proud off. 
      Take Care
      Harry
      "Occasionally it’s wise to doubt our doubts, to question our questions, and to re-think our thoughts."
       — 11/09/2009 08:16:09: post edited by harry.

    • #22013
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hiya Kathryn
      I’m just off out for the day but I had to pop in and wish you a really happy birthday. I haven’t time to read all your posts but I notice ‘bling’ is involved. I will have to come back and read all about it. You deserve all your happiness and I hope you and your bling sparkle for ever.
      I will be raising my glass to you tonight at 19.00 hours UK – great to know that somewhere in Sydney someone else is too. Hope she takes her hands out of the air long enough to take a sip.  Somehow I don’t think she will spill a drop!! 
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #22014
      howanan
      Participant

        Hope you are having a great b’day.    NancyWorry is an old man bent at the headCarrying a bag of feathersThinking it is a bag of lead… Corrie Ten Bloom

    • #22015
      marilee
      Participant

      Happy birthday a day late!  I’m not as talented as Nancy, so I can’t send you a fancy card, but I do with the very best for you this year.  Think back to you last birthday, you probably blew out your candles and wished for a really big jackpot.  Today you can blow out your candles, and wish for health, peace, contentment (and an eensy-beensy bit of bling!).  You are doing so great K, cheers to you from that other British colony (Canada) lol!!!

    • #22016
      p
      Participant

      Hey happy birthday Kathryn
      You are doing so well.  I have read through your posts and i want to thank you with all that you went through for still having time to post to me.  You are amazing girl!  I am in awe you have made it so long, i cannot wait to be able to say i have even done it a month, today is unfortunately my day one again!  ive gone back to square one and desperately desperately want to stop.  I am going to self exclude hopefully in the next few days but i am scared on my own, i am going to maybe ask someone from ga to come with me.  I lost it again and thought i was ok, what was i thinking.  Back on track today is my day one but this is it, i need to save my own life and not ruin my sons.
      Thanks so much for your posts to me, it really is such a help.  I find the struggle pretty constant.  I know it will ease later on. 
      P

    • #22017
      sury
      Participant

       
      HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATH…! AND CONGCRATULATION ON YOUR 3 MONTHS GAMBLING FREE. YOU ARE DOING WELL..!
      TAKE CARE……..!

    • #22018
      howanan
      Participant

      It’s Saturday afternoon here and I am taking a few minutes to check up on all my friends.  I know you are alright.  So I will just say ave a great weekend.      NancyWorry is an old man bent at the headCarrying a bag of feathersThinking it is a bag of lead… Corrie Ten Bloom

    • #22019
      vera
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      Just home from a twelve hour shift. Hubby just home from Germany. I’m too tired to talk so i’m sending one post and then lights out. Long day again tomorrow.
      21:o5 Irish time…
       all the sevens

    • #22020
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I have just made an appointment to have Damians yearly tax return done.  Why does this scare me? Damian has a tax debt of approx $28,000.  Its the only debt left.  I was paying around $1000 a month off this debt, but what i wasnt doing, and didnt realise i had to do was also pay his quarterly installments. When that wasnt paid, the payment arrangement defaulted.  I was supposed to send in these forms, with a reduced payment plan so that we could pay both the debt and the installments.  Did i do that? We all know the answer.
      This was back in May.  I am now, this week going to send the forms in to the tax department.  The stuff i have to send with it is horrific, i dont know where to start and im terrified.  Im terrified they wont agree to the arrangement, i want to drop the debt payment by $400 a month so that should also almost cover the quarterly installments.
      In reality, my bling  money should have gone towards the tax. We have been living a pretty good life at the minute, ignoring this debt. Its time to face the music. I feel physically ill about it all, but i know that it wont change until i change it. Its the last hurdle and im having a very hard time getting myself over it.
      Apart from that, i have been busy, worked all weekend, went and did the grocery shop this morning, its a glorious day here, spring has finally arrived.  I hope you have all had a lovely weekend, im going to go and have a look at the papers now and see what i need to do. 
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22021
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, you’ll get through the tax debt just fine.  I know that because you have gotten through so much more already.  I don’t like to mess with the tax people either but it sounds like you caught what’s missing right away…hopefully, it won’t be a problem.
      Enjoy your bling. You deserve it!

    • #22022
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well im on a bit of a health kick.  Dont get me wrong, im still eating chocolate (just not as much) but i have been walking the last couple of days, power walking.  Its amazing how nice weather makes you want to get out and do something.  So yesterday i decided to walk down to Harrys kinder and pick him up and walk home.  I walked down by the beach, along the esplanade.  I must get myself some music, its strange when all you can hear is your own heart, pulse rate going up and up…and the huffing and puffing.  So when i decide to do something,  it is never without incident.
      I was just about to tackle a big hill, head down breathing in the nose and out the mouth, i then hear this woman yelling and the sound of something running towards me…..a big, and i mean big, dog.  Im not a dog person, never have been, but i look up to see this huge, wet dog bounding towards me.  It starts jumping all over me, wet, dirty paws.  Im standing there with pleading eyes for someone to save me.  Then the dog finally runs off and the owner yells out ‘dont let her jump on you’????? Short of hitting it on the head with a very big stick love, what exactly would you like me to do?
      Anyway, i surge ahead, make it to kinder on time and pick up my little man.  We had a lovely walk home (no dogs in sight) listened to the birds, there were millions of dragonflies everywhere, they were massive.  We avoided any attack from them and had an uneventful walk home.
      I have woken up this morning, not only very sore but with a shocking neck…i feel like someone is standing on my head and pushing my verterbrae in my neck together, which has also given me a massive headache.  Not a good way to start the day.  Im working today, then im off for 4 days.  I have a hens night on Sat. night, that should be fun??? I dont know what they do at hens nights anymore, but a couple of drinks should have me relaxed enough to tackle anything!!!
      I havent really had any thoughts of gambling, im sure im nearly at the 100 day mark now, i have stopped counting days and decided that months will do.  Still taking it one day at a time of course, but the 11th of each month is a milestone for me.
      Only 2 more sleeps and my children are home for 2 weeks break.  I admit, i do love the sleeping in of holidays, not rushing around, just lazy days.
      Anyway, have a great gamble free day, i will try for another walk today, but Harry is home and i cant power walk, just stroll.  Im sure thats better than nothing.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22023
      vera
      Participant

      Well done on the power walking Kathryn,
      I’m so tired I can barely type. Almost midnight now. Exhausted after my OT. We were short-staffed and my boss offered me 12 hrs OT again tomorrow…too tired! Said I’d do 6 , so I’m on 2 to 8pm. My son has a friend staying for a few nights. Barely spoke to them, or to hubby since he came home. Working my own 12 hour shift on Friday and  12 hours night overtime on Sunday. Money for college fees. Delighted to get the chance. Not much overtime available with cut backs. The tough part is that almost half of it goes between taxes and levies………
      How did we every find time and energy to gamble?
      Head down now………..
       all the sevens

    • #22024
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
       I am excited.  One of my favourite authors, Dan Brown has just released his new book.  I didnt even know he was writing another one so imagine my glee when i got the catalogue today with his book on the front.  I am treating myself tomorrow, going in to get it after the mono wax (yes, we have been here before!!!)
      So not only will my weekend be busy, but i will have a lovely new book to occupy my time.  Who needs gambling when Robert Langdon is off on another adventure.  WOOHOO!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22025
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi again:  Responded to you on my thread by mistake, so check it out when you have a moment.  I love Dan Brown too.  Looking forward to getting the new book.  Love reading … although lately I’ve been focused on self-improvement and business books.  Need to lighten up a little.
      Good work on the walking … sorry about the dirty dog!!!  My dog is huge — great dane, yellow lab mix … but he’s smart enough not to jump up on people.  Owners of "jumpy" dogs should keep them on a leash.  I would have told that owner so in no uncertain terms.
      You’re doing well, my friend, keep up the incredible work.  I’m in awe of your commitment.
      Talk soon.
      All the best.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22026
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Im feeling fantastic today, not sure why, i feel full of hope.  A wierd feeling to wake up to but im taking it, my neck pain has gone so thats proboably part of it.
      I know this is going to sound strange, but today i realised the enormity of this site.  I have posted quite a bit this morning but ive been thinking about every post i write and recieve.  It is an amazing thing, to know that someone, on the other side of the world, who you have never met, has taken the time to sit down and not only read but reply to something i have written.  I think that is HUGE.  Its never quite hit me before, and i find it one of the most comforting feelings.  Maybe thats it…maybe its not hope, but contentment i am feeling? Whatever it is, i wouldnt mind waking up with it everyday.
      Gambling is always in the back of my mind, i think it always will be, but i am truly becoming (Harry, you will love this) AWARE.  Its almost like a wave washing over me, i have a thought, and my mind tells me to let it go.  Its extrodinary, considering 3 months ago i would have a thought, and i would be in the car 5 seconds later and within 2 minutes i would be sitting at a machine, pumping in the money.
      I dont know how this happened, i just know that i will not gamble today because i want to keep this feeling, the one i have right now.  Maybe im also realising just how lucky i am, to have such wonderful caring friends here, and on the homefront, my family is ok, so im ok.  I was always so used to a drama, a drama i created that it has taken me a long time to learn to cope without one, although i did have a major one as you all know, but really it was the first one that was not related to gambling and i got through, only just at times.
      Anyway, maybe im being nostalgic, maybe im having a lightbulb moment, maybe today, im just glad to be alive, healthy and yes, i think i can say happy.
      Have a great day everyone, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22027
      sherry123
      Participant

      Great enlightened post Kathryn.  I think it’s amazing too that we can connect with people all over the world…and care about each other. Being happy and content is wonderful. Way to go!

    • #22028
      female g
      Participant

      hey kathryn,
       thanks so much for your good advice. it helps alot.  I just thought I’d let you know how much I love Austriala.  I was very fortunate to live there for 1 year in the mid 80’s. My husband and I did a teaching exchange in Perth and loved it so much. We actually tried to imigrate but at the time your country was in recession and we couldn’t get jobs there.  never the less we had the time of our lives there, just thought I’d share that with you thanks for your helpful opinions.  Its been about a month now and I really don’t want to fail. xoxoxFG

    • #22029
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Your post put to words what many of us feel about this forum and the friendships we have made here.  I know that without this forum i would still be gambling.  It has changed my whole way of thinking.  I feel the same way about thinking about the gambling.  Most days now it doesn’t enter my mind.  And when it does, I just think of other more impiortant things and the urges quietly leave.    Thank you for your posts on my threads.  You know every posts helps in different ways.  We are different people from all over the world helping each other through the insanity of gambling.  I am glad you are having a GREAT day…………NancyIf it is to be …….. It’s up to me!Gladness is a choice and attitude is the key to happiness.

    • #22030
      vera
      Participant

      we get out of life what we put in Kathryn, and you sure have put a lot into your recovery and into this forum;that’s what is coming back to you now!
      Glad you’re feeling happy today!
       all the sevens

    • #22031
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      It is so good isnt it, this forum is the best!  I am on day 3 of my new life, i want to thank you for the support you give.  You truly have helped me too.  everyone that replies does.  You are amazing and i think you have great strength.  You help a lot of people on here you know, and you have helped yourself and been through a lot in the process.  I have managed to make my way through your thread and feel i know you a little better now.  Thank you Kathryn for being there for me. 
      P

    • #22032
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a lovely day today, i went to my girlfriends, we were in high school together and she has a new baby, well he’s 10 weeks now but just lovely.  Harry and i spent the day there, she also has a 3yo so the boys had a great time. My friend and i never shut up, it was just like we were back in high school, its interesting, i see her and dont think of her as nearly 40, all i see is the beautiful 15 year old that i told all my secrets to. It was great.  I then had to come home early as Bailey had his last day and they finish a bit early.  Jodie and i went for a big walk, it wasnt as painful as the first time, although she has really short legs and i have really long ones so i backed off a bit so she could keep up without running!!!!! (if you ever read this Jode, sorry love but you know its true)
      Tonight my football team is playing to get into the grand final…i so hope they win.  I have sent dames out to the shed to watch it, he makes me too nervous and he gets very agro when we are losing so he is banned from the house. I will proboably get all my ironing done, i can never sit still when they are playing.
      Anyway, no thoughts of gambling today, i was just too busy and my body is very heavy tonight from the walking, i can hardly type!!! I am sooooo unfit. I really just want to be in a good headspace for the wedding and not feeling all flabby and yuck. 
      Dames made an interesting comment tonight, we havent spoken of the ‘drama’ since it ended but he said to me..’ can you believe we went through all that?’ Now, i think it has taken him all this time to get his head around it, poor bugger.  I think women are lucky as we can deal with our emotions as they come, where as men (i think) tend to bottle them and let them build up.  They dont express themselves as well as we do.  I thought it was funny just coming out of nowhere like that.
      I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free day, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxx Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22033
      kathryn
      Participant

       
      Hi All,
      I just have to say, that my boys the Saint Kilda Saints won by 7 measly points to get into the Grand Final Next week.
      WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22034
      howanan
      Participant

      HI Kathryn,  I can read you are still doing great.  I am so happy for you.  I know your children and hubby are also happy to see you in a great mood.  Keep up that mood.  Nothing is worth getting down about.  Hope the walking takes off the extra flab (lol)………..NancyIf it is to be …….. It’s up to me!Gladness is a choice and attitude is the key to happiness.

    • #22035
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I am having a lovely lazy Saturday morning.  I love Saturdays…well, i work on 1 but the other one i sit and read the paper, drink lots of coffee and just relax. 
      I have my hens night tonight so that should be fun.  Im sure there will be all the usual games, but i am looking forward to catching up with Damians sisters and sister in laws.  They are all great, i married into a good family. Harry had woken up with a bad cough this morning, its going around so im keeping him inside, nice and warm.  He is not a complainer, he never whinges when he is feeling unwell, god bless him.
      Im going to go for another walk today, although it has just started raining, the weather here is so up and down at the moment, yesterday was bordering on hot!
      I knew that my 100 days must be coming up, i really stopped counting them but i wanted to know when it was so i got the calender and guess what? It was yesterday! I didnt even know, so my big 100 came and went, but boy, does it feel really good.  I just told Dames, he is 100 days too, we high fived each other!!!  Corny i know.
      Anyway, i hope you all have a wonderful weekend, ill let you know how the hens night goes!!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22036
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BIG 100!!!!!  YOU ROCK!!!!!!  Amazing achievement and  to Damian too!!  What is amazing is that you just set your mind to it and away you went.  Here’s to many, many, many more.
      Thank you, my friend, for putting things in perspective for me on my thread.  You’re lovely, I am grateful.  I’m glad you’re having a lovely lazy Saturday morning.  Nothing better really … and what fun to have a hen’s party to look forward to.  Perfect day.
      Hope little Harry is feeling a bit better … sorry to hear that he’s under the weather.  I kept my eldest home today because he’s been under the weather and I’m completely paranoid about the swine flu since we’re just heading into our winter. However, he wasn’t lucky enough to skip school altogether.  His teacher asked me to give him his weekly spelling and vocabulary test and then to drop it at the school at the end of the day.  Needless to say, he has a lot of catching up to do for the work he missed today.  They really make it unattractive for kids to stay home , so my boys think twice before feigning stomach aches, etc.
      I’ve just had a major cleaning spurt, now I’m settling in to watch a bit of tv.  Only have to clean bathrooms tomorrow and do laundry and shopping, then I can spend time with kids.
      Keep it up (I know you will) and I will too.  Thankfully I’m looking forward to day 54, rather than day 1.
      All the best.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22037
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kat,  Congrat’s on your gamble free time.  Doesn’t it feel great to have money and time in your pocket?
      Thanks for your thoughtful post and your prayers.  We are having a tough time right now and it is affecting all of us.  I  did go to the dr’s and I have issues too that need to be taken care of.   Stress is the major problem in my life.  When family life is not right, it seems nothing is.  I’m tired and upset with recent  things that have happened with my granddaughter and hoping that things straighten themselves soon.  I am not gambling and that would only make things  worse.  I would like nothing better to escape but know that’s not the answer.  I’m staying strong.
      I’m so glad you are enjoying your gamble free time with your family and friends.  You sound so happy and deserve every minute of happiness.  Your so supportive of others and are always there for the newcomers and us oldies but goodies.   It’s really appreciated Kathryn.  Danielle
       

    • #22038
      soupbone68
      Participant

      keep it up kathryn, how was hen night. will be waiting to here from you and i hope you had fun.

    • #22039
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, i am a little under the weather (what an understatement) after last night. I laughed till my sides burst, it was a great night.  I only drink a couple of times during the year, and unfortunately i got a bit carried away with the vodka/jelly shots….. Never mind, we played musical chairs, did the limbo (im so not flexible),  played a ‘sort’ of pin the tail on the donkey, without the tail or the donkey (use your imagination), and played the Wii.  It was a great night, my sisters in law are just hysterical, we laughed and laughed. 
      I was home by midnight, just managed to find the front door without breaking my neck and slept until lunchtime.  I did manage a walk with Jode, although we did get rained on but i felt much better.  I weighed myself on her scales, and the last time i did it was about 6 weeks ago.  Well, i have lost 2kg since then, i only need to lose about 3.5kg to be at my happy weight, so that was a nice surprise.
      No thoughts of gambling, my head has been too sore!!! Even last night, it didnt enter my head, we were having too much fun.
      So i hope you all had a lovely weekend, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22040
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      I love reading your posts i often have a laugh while reading them.  You are an inspiration, fantastic news on day 100.  I almost feel envious.  Today is day 5.  But hey i know with lovely people like you on here sharing and caring it makes it that little easier to get through.  Congratulations on getting a life back for you and your family.  Well done!  Did your husband do the 100 days with you?  That sounds awesome if he did.  You show a lot of caring on this site for people. Good on you for your generosity of spirit.  You are helping others every time you post.  Happy birthday by the way i read you had one recently.  We are very close in age too. 
      P
       

    • #22041
      marilee
      Participant

      Sure, I go away for a teeny bit of time, and you reach your 100 milestone!  A belated congratulations my dear, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person!  I enjoyed your re-telling of your evening with your friends.  It makes me think that the Kathryn from 120 days ago wouldn’t have enjoyed herself so much, been so free and happy.  Non-gambling has opened the door to let Kathryn shine again! 
      The only thing I can’t congratulate you on is the weight loss.  That’s because I’m a sourpuss and have not go my plans to do the same off the ground!  Really, if you do any more self-improvement, I’m going to end up hating you! lol  Not true, I will use you as inspiration.  Seriously, great job K.  Relax and recover this weekend.  You certainly deserve it.

    • #22042
      sherry123
      Participant

      100 day is a wonderful milestone.  I’m happy you breezed through it.  Sounds like you had a great time with the sister-in-laws.  So much better than gambling and, besides the headache, you are still feeling good about last nights fun.
      Your life sounds amazingly full and happy.  You deserve it!

    • #22043
      linnie44
      Participant

      100 days woooo whoo!     Losing track of your days is a very, very good sign.   I enjoy reading your posts and you have helped so many here. Proud of you!
      Hugs!  (lol, vodka and jello shots?  A true girls night out…memories….) *life is good

    • #22044
      videopoker_idiot
      Participant

       Congrats on a 100. I think I have made at least 45. But when I do lose, well it doesnt really matter.
      I respect what you done to get there too.
       VPI

    • #22045
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn
      thank you for popping over onto my thread – I love to see your name there.  I have thought a lot about your question and I am not going to attempt to answer it while my husbands stomach is growling for his dinner (or is it mine).  Answer it I will as best I can – and soon.
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #22046
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well today was ‘D’ day…off to the accountant.  I have not had as strong a gambling urge as i had driving in there.  I actually got the pain in my stomach.  My accountant is a lovely man, totally understanding and helpful and of course, he gave me some great advice on what to do about my debt.  He said just to start making payments, make them for a couple of months and then ring the tax office and speak to someone, so i was really relieved that there is a weeny light at the end of the tunnel, although it will take years and years to pay off.  But, thats the price.
      Driving home, i thought about gambling, but only in the context that i didnt have the urge anymore.  The panic was gone, i had faced the demon now i just have to start making regular payments and get this thing on the move.
      One bonus is that here, in Oz, we have a family payment, it is given to every family.  We have to estimate how much we earn in the year and the amount is calculated by them.  Once the tax returns are lodged, the family payment office check against what you earned to what you estimated and you either get a debt, a payment or break even.  It turns out that i overestimated our earnings by almost $20,000.  This means we will get a payment from them, and it should be a nice little bonus that i can pay off the tax in a lump sum so that will reduce the debt a bit. (not much but anything will help)
      So all in all, i was petrified for nothing, now i need to go and eat, im starving!!!!
      Have a great, gamble free day all,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22047
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  That’s great news!!  You must be so relieved.  I love how everything seems to be falling into place for you.  I think it’s no coincidence that all the good stuff is happening to you now that you’ve removed the negative crap of gambling.  
      Keep going, my friend, you’re doing a remarkable job (and teaching me so many lessons of how not to succumb to gambling when things don’t go exactly as I planned).
      All the best.
      RG This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22048
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I was jsut catching up, I am sooo pleased that everything is working out for you, it takes a great mind to think things through like you do, so well done for staying on top of these things, it wouild be easy to bury your head… You are a remarkable woman, and a woman that I am glad that I have met, I hope to some up the same courage and conviction that you have shown over the past few months, its hard to believe that its only been just over 3 months!
      you are a testimate to GT and a great member to have on this site, keep up the good work and good luck.
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #22049
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hiya Dear Kathryn
      I have just scrapped tons of words. Your question on my thread has made me do a lot of thinking so I hope my thoughts do not come out too jumbled. xx
      I realise you already aware of a lot I am going to write but I need to put things down to get my thoughts into some sort of order.   
      When my CG left rehab we moved things along gently because we had to build up trust on both sides. I think it was more than that though – I think we were both dealing with our new ‘normal’ – we were handling our thoughts more carefully because these were our ‘new memories’ – the ones we were going to keep. 
      He became aware during counselling that his memories were possibly inaccurate but the most important thing was that those memories should not weigh so heavily that they prevented him from starting anew. His head had been full of ‘the gamble’ for so long that there was no room for much else. To gamble meant he had to lie. His lies became his truth. To go back and analyse all those years would be impossible and unhelpful so he has accepted that he cannot change that which has gone before – he can only change that which is ‘now’ and is ‘to come’ and ensure that it is good.
      He had an obvious memory problem a little while after rehab when he said something he ‘remembered’ from his teens and believed to be 100% true. I watched the dismay and distress on his face as he realised his memory had been a distortion of the truth and I decided from then on to ‘help’ him when I could but never to worry – we were looking forward not back.
      We had a photographic session and I introduced him to a lot of his life and it was a good experience.  
      I want to put all this into perspective though. I am a non-CG who has parts of her life that she doesn’t remember. 
      I had tremendous memory loss as a result of stress resulting in me having a secret Alzheimer’s test.
      I now know that I am not losing my memory (apart from a few senior moments) and I believe it is because I am in control of my life.   I have accepted that there are memories I have lost through stress, memories I choose not to remember and memories that I suppose just get lost which I assume is normal.
      I know that being relaxed is better for memory recall than worry.
      How old were you when you started gambling. On top of what I think is normal forgetfulness you have been struggling with an addiction whose job it was to control your memory. You have stood up to that addiction and removed its control putting ‘you’ in charge. I think your memories from now on will stay with you and you will be able to trust them.
      I feel as though this is such a big subject and I want to say so much and yet don’t seem able to put anything into words succinctly enough.
      I believe it is better not to worry too much about what you might have forgotten. Don’t delve too deeply or too intensely.   
      If you feel you might not have dealt with your father’s death then how about talking about it on here, in the groups or to the helpline. I think that being afraid of the loss of the memory will make it more difficult to recall. Don’t be afraid. I’m sure your dad would have wished you to remember him alive.
      I adored my dad. He didn’t say much (unlike me) but what he did say made sense.   I do remember his death and his funeral but I was older than 16. I know, however, my dad would not want me remembering the sad bits and I have happy photos in my home to remind me of his life.
      ‘Your’ life is not ‘forgettable’ it is just that some parts are more memorable than others. xx
      I don’t know where Meg is. I thought she should be home by now. Perhaps they have kept her in the zoo – she is unique. Maybe they couldn’t get her in the plane with her hands sticking up. I am sure wherever she is we will hear again soon.
      You take care too Kathryn. You have become very special.
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       
       

    • #22050
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Kathryn,
      Top news about that potential windfall!
      No one deserves good news more than you do – so pleased for you.
      Anyway, just wanted to stop by and say hi, as we haven’t ‘spoken’ for a little while.
      Thanks for your honesty about thinking about gambling when you were on your way to the accountant.  It helps to know that others get ‘those thoughts’…and resist them!!
      All my best to you as always,
      S.

    • #22051
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  I read with interest your comments on Velvets thread.  The things that we put in our subconcious, likeyour Dad’s death.  For the past month I have been studing "Dianetics", the science of the brain.  It is actually called, "Scientology" and has been around for over 50 years.  It speaks to alot of issues you are facing now, remembering and recalling hurtful episodes in our lives, acknowledging them  and erasing them from our reactive mind they no longer have the effect that they have on us.  These bad memories are called engrams and can harm us emotionally until we clear them out of our minds.   We make think we have handled these hurts well but in reality, we have only buried them.  If you are interested, let me know. I will send you their web address and you can check it out for yourself.  I find it fasinating and learning everyday about just what hurtful memories can do to us.   Like gambling for instance.  We bury these engrams and wonder why we are feeling so bad.  Certain events can trigger the feeling, without us even knowing why because they are buried so deep.  With Scientology, we learn to recall those engrams and release them.   It’s hard to explain without further study.  It takes time to read the principles and to understand it all.
      Hope all is well kathryn.  It was good to hear from you on my thread.  I’m still waiting to hear about my granddaughter. I should know soon.  Danielle

    • #22052
      howanan
      Participant

      You are still doing great.  At least you kicked that urge to the curb.  And it is great you are getting an unexpected windfall to pay some bills.  Good… Have a happy day……..NancyIf it is to be …….. It’s up to me!Gladness is a choice and attitude is the key to happiness.

    • #22053
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a few lightbulb moments yesterday in terms of my memories.  I finally made the connection that because i had been lying all those years, they pushed the ‘real’ memories to the back. The lies became my truth…..those words have actually changed the way i see my life and i find it to be rather amazing. I am accepting that i may never really remember the details of the last 20 odd years and im ok with that.  Today is what counts, and my new memories, ones that are not tainted by lies or gambling are the ones i treasure.
      So, yesterday was boring!!! I didnt do a lot, went and visited my girlfriend, and my mum, then had to work last night.  I had a really good night at work.  It helps when the residents are calm, and it really does depend on the staff working.  When i got there i had a coffee before i started and sat out with the girls and had a good laugh, it was really nice.
      Today is a dreary, rainy day.  Bailey has a friend over so he is keeping them sufficiently occupied.  Im having a home day, pottering around getting some jobs done.  Tonight i have my girls night with Jode, its the finale of our show so we always have some yummy food and a good yak.
      Not much else to say except that i havent gambled, im always grateful for that.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22054
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi kathryn,  Sounds like you are doing great.  Things are going well, you are keeping busy and having fun.  What more could you want.  lol!!!
      Granddaughter is still in hospital.  They want to talk to me.  So I will be speaking to one of the team members later today. 
      The web address is http://www.scientology.org.  Check it out…you’ll find it interesting and enlightening. 
      Take care Kathryn and keep up the good work.  Your also an asset to this community and I love reading your posts.   You are so full of life and energy.   Danielle

    • #22055
      howanan
      Participant

      Wow Kathryn.. You took to not gambling like a duck does to water.  lol  What can I say except that you are doing great.  The best thing to do is to stay focussed in today.  We have no control of yesterday or tomorrow.  Enjoy your time with your friend………NancyIf it is to be …….. It’s up to me!Gladness is a choice and attitude is the key to happiness.

    • #22056
      meglee
      Participant

      Hello my beautiful friend
      just wrote you a wonderful post that must be floating out there somewhere in cyberspace….coz i lost it!!!! Grrrrr!
      I am on a temporary laptop, with a dodgy modem (blame the dongle haha)!!!! so, suffice it to say………………
      LOve ya, miss ya, proud of ya (proud of ME too….sydney harbour bridge was my wee personal ‘everest’ – "go" sir edmund hilary!) I waved my arms in the air for ALL of us!!!! (no i didnt get stuck on plane, but the beautifulhostess came back to me with a half full bottle of bubbles and said…noone else is drinking this!!!….will i leave it with YOU????!!!! hahha. of course i wanted to be helpful…..so i said…… um…..Hell yeah!)
      Havent caught up with the old tart yet (aka "V") haha…but she will track me down for sure. Was thinking of you both up there (and a few special others too!).
      Hoping to get some reliable technology happening soon!
      Much much love and light!!!!!!!!
      Meg xxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22057
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, today i finished my book. Dan Brown is a GENIUS!!!!! It felt like it took me forever but i finally got through it and i enjoyed every single bit.
      I worked tonight, not my greatest night but im glad its over.  I am also working all weekend, what a drag, but i wont be saying that when i pay for everything for the wedding next week…hotel, hair, accesories, etc etc. Im grateful for my job, although sometimes it sends me a bit loopy!  Im just waiting for next weekend, im pretty excited about the wedding and the night at the lovely hotel on the water, a bit flash for me really!!!! Im sure ill take it all in my stride…
      As for gambling, since my urge on Tuesday, i havent thought too much about it.  Its easy to forget when the children are home on holidays, its raining and yuck outside and they are under your feet all day!!!  Although now ive said that, usually i would be running to gamble as soon as Damian was home so i must be doing something right!!!
      I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, i will be on and off here as usual, my football team is playing tomorrow, please send all your good vibes to the St. Kilda Football Club at 2.40 Aus eastern standard time.  Im thinking that if we all think about it at the same time, we will definitely WIN…. I will be a bawling mess if they do, and i will be a bawling mess if they dont so i have to buy some tissues on the way home from work!!!!
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22058
      marilee
      Participant

      Hey girl, you are doing so great.  It is such a pleasure to log on here and read how busy your life is.  I have to ask though – what on earth is a hair fascinator?  I read that post from you on someone’s thread, and I didn’t have a clue what it was.  I’ll cheer for your team, but what kind of team is it?  Is it football like we know in North America, or soccer?  Or rugby?  I know we have different terms for our sports, so I want to make sure I’m sending up a mental cheer for the right kind of sport.   In Canada most of us are hockey nuts.  I don’t imagine that is such a big sport for you in Australia.  The pre-season is on right now, and the regular hockey season will start in about a week.  I can hardly wait.  I’m a fan of one of the Canadian teams, and game night (on the television of course) is a big deal for me.  Nothing is allowed to interfere!
      Have a great weekend, I’m proud of you.

    • #22059
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well its over.  We lost. By 12 measley points which is 2 straight kicks in Aussie rules.  What a dissapointment. But we have decided to buy a family membership next year so we can go to all the games.  I could never afford it before so that will be something to look forward to.
      The other thing is i have to go to work tomorrow and cop a ribbing from all the girls…gee, i cant wait!
      I actually had an urge during the game, i wanted to escape and hide till it was all over.  I stayed on here instead.  So theres my positive.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22060
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Kathryn:  You crack me up !!!  Didn’t think football was such an emotional thing!!  My condolences on the loss, but next year will be different ….
      Thanks for your post on my thread.  Always so nice to hear from you.  On this side of the world, it’s early Saturday afternoon.  Hubby and I took kids to a friends for a weekend long sleepover.  A first for them.  They’ve been on sleepovers before, and I’ve had tons at my house (in fact I’m known as the "Sleepover Mom"), but this is the first time it’s from Saturday a.m. to Sunday p.m. 
      After we dropped them, hubby and I took the dog to a leash-free park to be with some canine friends.  He had a blast … sniffing butts and peeing on everything over one inch tall.  Then, we sauntered over to a flea market to check out some bargain stuff.  Nothing really interesting … there was a Revlon warehouse sale, but the prices were less than appealing, so came out with nothing.  He’s feeling a bit under the weather (could it have something to do with his weekly poker/beer night last night?), so we’re home.  I’m going to take a nap, then choose between cleaning and shopping.  Maybe a movie tonight, don’t know.
      Glad to hear that the urge came and went with no incident.  I don’t expect you’ll give up your gamble-free time that easily now that you’ve come this far. 
      Rest up for this week’s walkathon.  Maybe I’ll challenge you to seven one-hour walks before the end of next Friday.  What say you???
      Keep safe and strong, my friend.
      All the best.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22061
      john6615
      Participant

      thanks for the positive comments kath ,my aunties on high dose of morphine so it should be a matteer of hours not days , she had lung cancer and now its spread to her brain ,weve had long enough to prepare so we are just waiting for her to be put out of her misery,as for gambling u seem to be doing fantastic keep it up ive had a good day went to c my young 1 play soccer he scored direct from a corner his first ever goal so hes over the moon , not even thought about betting todayso its been good 1st ga meeting tmorrow so onward and upward xalways look on the bright side

    • #22062
      thebfunk
      Participant

      You are about 4 or 5 weeks ahead of me in gamble free days. I just wanted to thank you because watching your days add up helped me comprehend one day at a  time

    • #22063
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      My weekend from hell is over, well it wasnt from hell but i was so tired last night i feel asleep on the floor in front of the heater!
      I have a really busy week this week.  Today i am going to meet my sister.  She is taking the boys to KMart to buy them a ‘prize’.  She spoils them rotten, they are driving me crazy "when are we going?".  We are going to have lunch in there too. I am really looking forward to seeing her, she barracks for the team that beat mine in the grand final on Saturday.  I have to say, i was happy for her, she went to the game and i know its something she’ll never forget.  She is coming up to her 11th year gamble free, which i find amazing, and inspirational.  We didnt talk about it a lot as i was still gambling and didnt want to tell her, although i think she knew.  Now though, the conversation runs freely and i love listening to her advice and wisdom, she is a very smart woman, very insightful so i cant wait to see her today.
      I am only working tomorrow and Wed this week.  Thursday im going to do something with the boys, Friday im going to town to get the brows done (no, they are not mono this time!) and get some things i need for the big day on Saturday…the wedding. I am also going to a work lunch on Friday, we dont do it very often, just a social thing so that will be nice.  Its at a pub with no poker machines so thats even better, i dont have to think about it at all.
      My mother in law is coming Friday so i need to do some MAJOR cleaning this week. Tomorrow and Wed are dedicated to scrubbing…bathroom, toilet, floors…she doesnt care, but i do and i also know that she bitches to the other members of the family so im not giving her an inch!
      I often get overwhelmed when i have a busy week, and go into meltdown.  I think ill write myself a list and cross off the jobs when i get them done.  With the kids home its harder to get the work done and i dont usually worry that much, as long as the house is tidy. 
      Well, i had better go, i have a mountain of washing to fold, when i work on the weekend, nothing gets done so im in catch up mode.  I also had better find some time to go walking, Runninggirl has set me a challenge and im going to do it, no matter what…if it kills me, which it proboably will!!!!!
      I hope you all had a great weekend, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22064
      Anonymous
      Guest

      LOL, Kathryn … you’d better get moving … I’m right behind you.  I’m determined to do it if I have to do two or three walks a day … which WILL kill me as I’ve been rather inactive these past weeks.  Did a massive clean today with the kids away.  Hubby, who is a natural born organizer, cleared all the cupboards in the kitchen and the linen closet.  I’m the go-to guy for cleaning.  So I vacuumed under beds, cleaned the guinea pigs’ cage, scrubbed one bathroom, two more to go tomorrow.  Still Sunday night here … ok 1 a.m. Monday morning.  Better get to bed soon or I won’t be walking anywhere.
      Wow … your sister has 11 years under her belt?  Great stuff!!!  How lucky you are to have her to lean on.
      Anyway, enjoy your super-busy week.  I know you’ll be good.
      All the best.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22065
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey lady:  How goes the battle??  Did you get out for the walk on Monday?? I didn’t, so I’m well behind you already.  BUT … that doesn’t mean that I won’t catch up.  It rained cats and dogs all day long, so a walk was out of the question (I know … lame excuse!!!)  Anyway …
      Yes, three bathrooms, but it’s sounds grander than it is.  House is average North American suburban, no great shakes.  Cleaning the bloody bathrooms has become a major ordeal though.  I have to do a lot of self-talk.  The only way I know I’ll do all of them is if I tell myself "only 15 minutes in each bathroom".  So I set my timer and away I go.  Not so bad if you break it up like that.
      I’m so jealous of this grand affair you have on the weekend.  I love the whole dressing up, hair and make-up thing.  Haven’t had the opportunity to do it for a while.  Funny how things run parallel in our lives though,eh?  My hubby was also under the weather over the weekend.  How is Damian?  Feeling much better, I hope! Aren’t men babies when they get sick?
      My niece is a bridesmaid at a wedding on Saturday too.  Another grand affair.  Isn’t it ridiculous how much money people spend on weddings these days?  She’s been bridesmaid in six or seven weddings over the past four years and it’s just about broken her financially.  Between the dresses, the hair, the makeup and the gifts for the many showers and the wedding, it racks up into the thousands.  She’s 30, has a mortgage and bills etc, and she’s been out of work for a couple of months, so I hardly think her friends are being fair.  But that’s just me …
      Man, I’m really prattling on today. Day 63 today, 9 weeks.  I’m a happy girl.  Gambling thoughts over the weekend, but no real urges to speak of.  I’m stressing a bit with guilt though.  Thinking about how much time I’m spending with my boys doing homework these days.  They needed me back then too when I was too self-absorbed to care.  What a wretch!!!
      Sounds like a great week ahead for you.  Enjoy to the fullest.  Will talk soon.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22066
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a great day today, well maybe not great but pretty good…went for a big walk with Jode, (are you reading that RG?) did a heap of housework (but quite a lot to go) and Brea and i played hairdressers.  We looked on the internet at up do’s for the wedding and found one (if anyone cares you can google Hayden Pantteire Emmy hairdo) and then Brea did it.  She just did it, i was quite amazed what a fantastic job she did, curling and pinning and the like.  I dont know why i bothered to book into the hairdressers, its too late now and they are doing my makeup as well. So im going to pay for a do that my gorgeous girl could have done for free…and the fascinator looks great with it too so im really happy.  I have the photo to take with me on Saturday.
      Im going to work tonight, yes, with my gorgeous hair, i think its hilarious…all the oldies will be wondering whats going on????
      The boys have been brilliant today, the made a ‘game club’ in their bedroom, whatever that is…it has kept them busy all day and now Baileys 2 friends have turned up so they are happy, which makes me happy.
      Quite a few gambling thoughts, just little flashes in my head, nothing that makes me want to go, i just think i am being aware of whats happening and stopping it before it starts.
      Anyway, i hope you all had a great day, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22067
      john6615
      Participant

      hi kath life seems pretty good for u at the minute its lovely to read posts where some1s life has turned round so much from the despair of being a cg,hope u have a lovely time at the wedding weel done keep it up aand take carejohnalways look on the bright side

    • #22068
      howanan
      Participant

      Kathryn,  It sounds like you are living the "normal" life of a non gambler.  Looking back it’s hard to see us in that "other" life.  I’m hoping by reading your posts you and RG will give me the incentive to walk also. So far it ain’t happening. hee hee  But I am thinking of joining Curves again.  I used to belong but messed up my knee and had to give it up.  You are an inspiration to many Kathryn by how far you have come and I always enjoy your posts to me.  Thank you.  I only hope that the farther away you get from gambling that you continue to come here and post.  Have a great time at the wedding,  I know you will be knock down gorgeous……..Nancy

    • #22069
      paul315
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      I am finally getting around to reply to your post to me back on Thursday, August 13, see topic below.  My reply can be found on in my journel page dated today.
      ________________________________________________________________________________________
      Hi Paul,
      "… Your family in France, are you in contact with them?  It seems that you have a lot of loose ends that are playing on your mind and these are obvious triggers in reading your post.  I would like to know a little more about them, have they been to the US since you arrived there, are you planning to divorce? …" 
      ________________________________________________________________________________________
      Best wishes on your journey.
      Be prepared for a long post.
      Larry"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22070
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, I loved your post on Running Girls thread about the wedding.  I want to go! Wish you could post pictures on this site.  I’d love to see what your sister-in-law chooses to wear…and your family all decked out.  I expect it to be like a fashion shoot. I’m as interested in the wedding as I am with Marilee’s romance!  Keep sharing with us!

    • #22071
      meglee
      Participant

      Hello my little aussie friend
      Just popping in for a quick hello.
      How exciting all this wedding stuff sounds….(god i LOVE a bit of ‘girlie’ stuff hehe) and i am so so glad to hear you’ve got the brows sorted before we reached the mono stage! Awesome! haha.
      Before i forget, as far as your trip to sydney goes, apparently Newtown is THE place to go for nightlife these days. (sorry, i never made it there to report) but it was recommended by  quite a few. sounds like theres quite a few bars to choose from there. otherwise, if you are in the CBD area, head to darling harbour. Cargo bar is pretty cool. (expect a queue though!)
      Sorry your team lucked out babe…..and damn, us kiwis kicked your butt in the netball again too didn’t we hahaha hahaha (yeah…i know you dont really give a toss, but I enjoyed it LOL) xx
      Ok. enough cheek from me!!! Just checking in while i have a computer with a fully functional dongle (LOL).
      Much love and light to ya babe.
      Meg xxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22072
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Hope you have a fabulous time at the wedding.  You can really let you hair down, not have to worry about driving.  Enjoy the day girl because you deserve it.  You’v done so well, fighting those urges.  Gambling is not for any of us good people here on the forum.   None of us need that crap in our lives.  Seems most of us are doing well and keeping the demon at bay.  Well take care Kat.   Danielle

    • #22073
      warrior
      Participant

      i grew up with horses so ive allways been around them no fear.mine is getting too fat.she was thin when i got her in june but i got her on alfalfa hay and it seems to  ful of calories so i have to give here less. i dont want a big  fat hippo for ahorse.she does love her r hay i used to give her  grass hay.but here alfalfa cost less and has more nutricion in it.well im not wanting to gamble and just want to get this fibroid problem gone.haveagood time.here to make it one year..and more, lets do it!!!

    • #22074
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I went to work last night, there is a resident there on respite and she is having some personal problems.  She is a beautiful soul and i tried my best to help her, or at least to give her some comfort.  I dont know if i succeeded but i did my best.
      I came home to the boys, Bailey had lost a great big molar tooth that for the last 2 weeks was being pushed sideways into his mouth by the tooth underneath, he finally pulled it, very exciting.  Harry came running out in his jocks telling me he needed 5 dollars as he had cracked his dads toes (dont ask) and hes promised him a fiver.  He wanted to go to the shop and buy a drink.  He is so skinny and scrawny, as white as a sheet, i couldnt stop laughing, so i just took them up to the shop before and he got his wish.
      I went for a big walk this morning with Jode.  Today we took her 2 boys with her, one is 2 1/2, the other is 1 and my goodness are they heavy.  Here we were, the two of us, pushing the pram up these big hills, i was nearly dead when i got home.
      Im just going to potter around the rest of the day, so much for taking the boys to scienceworks, but i will save that for another time. They have had a great break, lots of friends around, visits, shopping, they did ok.
      The only thing that drives me crazy is the movies….my kids watch them over and over, i have to tell you, the Indiana Jones themesong makes me cringe!
      No urges to gamble, i have been reading a lot on here, staying busy and getting ready for Saturday. 
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22075
      john6615
      Participant

      hi kathryn thanks for the kind words,you seem to have evry thing under control ,youseem so happy with life now i bet its hard 4 u to look back and remember what u were like when u were gambling,as 4 ur job i bet it puts thing into perspective 4 u as to there is people who dont have a choice with the problems they face ,were as we do have a choice ,take care kathryn keep up the good work fight the good fight x johnalways look on the bright side

    • #22076
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi K,
      its been a while since I caught up on how you have been getting on and I am pleased to read that the ‘mad house’ is still going strong and that you are keeping well. Its great to see how positive you have kept through-out your journey and I hope that I can continue to be uplifted and insipired to do good things in life…
      You are a true inspiration and a good internet friend to have, I suppose sometimes you do get something bad out of this addiction..
      all the very best

      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #22077
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      At present it is 10.41pm.  I am sitting in my lounge listening to my mother in law.  She is snoring…..extremely loudly.
      My day was full on, i went and got all my bits and pieces in town, went and had lunch and came home to a house full.  I dont normally mind, but when im busy i have difficulty coping.  My MIL is very unorganised.  Whereas i am not.  I know every single thing that is happening tomorrow for this wedding, she on the other hand knows nothing and is blaming everyone else for it.  No one cares she says.  Well, im sorry, but i have spent 2 months getting ready for this and im not having you come in the day before whinging. 
      Dames and i have been planning this for a long time, as we dont get out that much and to have a night away is a big thing for us.  She told me tonight she’s coming to the hotel with us….ummmmm, no.  She will be going with her daughter, whose room she has paid for and who she is staying with.  We on the other hand are going in early, having a quiet drink before getting ready to go.  She had been extremely drunk, hence the snoring.  I dont have a lot of time for her when she is like that as i cant deal with her loud, opinionated conversations.  I know im being a b**ch, but i have had this woman stay here for the last 20 years, ive learnt to tune off.
      She complains about the children, they are too noisy, too rowdy, to loud (hmmmm).  She has 4 other children, all with grown children who are not noisy, rowdy or loud.  Why does this make no sense to me.
      Anyway, i just really needed a vent, a rant, a whinge.
      I am so looking forward to tomorrow, all being well we will have a fantastic time, well, im going to anyway.
      I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free weekend.  Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22078
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kat.. Just popping in to wish you a GREAT time tomorrow.  Please make sure you describe it in detail here.  Curious what your sister is wearing?  And your Mother in law – what a hoot.  Have a nice drink for the rest of us and have great fun………….NancyIf it is to be …….. It’s up to me!Gladness is a choice and attitude is the key to happiness.

    • #22079
      marilee
      Participant

      Oooh, I wish I could be a fly on the wall tomorrow.  I want to see how beautiful you look, watch your eyes sparkle as you get to truly enjoy yourself.  Never mind the old bat of a MIL – people who whine all the time don’t get to enjoy one bit of their life.  How sad.  So, get yourself made up, your hair "fascinatored", have a lovely drink with your lovely Dames,and reflect on how far you have come as a woman, a wife, a mother, a friend.  Dance your socks off!

    • #22080
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, the wedding was amazing, i had a wonderful time.  I felt like a princess in my beautiful dress, and the hairdresser did an unbelieveable job on my hair and makeup, i cant quite believe she curled my hair and then all of a sudden there was a magnificant style on my head! The fascinator was a huge hit, i have to say, i think my hair looked better than the bridesmaids!
      There were a few dramas as always, but the funniest one was when we went back to the bar after the ceremony.  My mother in law and my father in law get on really well, although they have been divorced for over 20 years, they do have 5 children together.  My FIL’s girlfriend has always been jealous that they still get on.  We were sitting at a table, the gf and me and my mil was hugging my fil and having a laugh.  My mil asked my fil if they were going to have a dance at the reception.  The gf, who by this time had a few wines in her screams out, in front of everyone in the bar ‘he’s dancing the bridal waltz with me!’.  I was sooooo embaressed, it was hysterical.  Amazing that they have been together for years and years, and she still is insecure with my mil.  She carried on about my mil all night, at one stage saying she was going to punch her in the nose.  Good grief!
      Anyway, Dames and i had a ball.  We laughed and laughed, danced and drank and had a great time.  The bride was beautiful, her and her new husband were like the only 2 people in the room, it was beautiful.  They did have a dance off though, and i cant believe the moves the bride made in her magnificent dress.
      Our room was lovely, with a bay view and a king size bed.  I love hotel linen, i slept like a baby.  Yesterday we went to my sister in laws for a bbq, the bride was there and we got to catch up with all the family.  It was a great day.  Then i came home and had a big sleep.  So all in all i had a fantastic weekend.  I will try and catch up on everyones threads in the next few days.  i have to work tonight so bear with me people!!!
      I hope you all had a great weekend, i have a few more stories that i will get to later….
      Take care, everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22081
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Sounds like a wonderful time Kathryn!  I bet you looked just beautiful too!If you are heading in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!

    • #22082
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  You have the uncanny ability to make me laugh out loud … even on my darkest days.  The boys, who are still awake (had a homework marathon), think their mother has lost her marbles for bellowing with laughter at the screen. 
      Thank you, my friend, for making me Princess Fiona … although I’m rather afraid I’m already at the ogre bit, lol.
      Now, on to the wedding.  What would special events be without a little spicy, family drama.  I cracked up when I read about your FIL’s insecure girlfriend, you MIL’s snoring, etc.  In laws do bring a little comic relief, don’t they?  Sometimes, they’re just an outright pain in the patootie though. Mine are, anyway.  My MIL is the evil twin of Martha Stewart.  Serves the most fabulous gourmet dinners in her well-appointed home, then snips at everyone all weekend because she’s exhausted, or because we haven’t brought "hostess gifts".  Good Lord … who brings hostess gifts when they go to dinner at their parents????  Anyway, that’s a whole other story for another post.  Suffice it to say, this coming weekend is our Thanksgiving long weekend in Canada.  We won’t be going North to visit with the in-laws … just not in the mood for the rollercoaster that is my MIL.  We’ll have our own humble little turkey, with lots of stuffing and cranberry sauce … yum!!!    
      OOOHHH … and don’t forget the candied yams!!!
      Anyway … glad you and Dames had a lovely time (and it sounds like a bit of rekindling going on ).  Good for you.
      Yes … I like the path to enlightenment bit … count me in!!!
      Talk soon.
      RG
      This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.– 06/10/2009 5:00:03 AM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #22083
      kathryn
      Participant

      HEY AL,
      I see you are posting at the moment and if you happen to come across mine can you please hurry up and start a thread.  As Vera is missed, so are you…where are all the irish going?  Do you have a better offer? Do you know something i dont? Hope all is well, only 2 more sleeps till the little wee one!!!! If you read this, i am sending all my best wishes to you, Deb, Jack and the little angel that is about to enter our world.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22084
      howanan
      Participant

      HI Kathryn,  Your post describing your weekend at the wedding was wonderful.  I just bet you were a complete hit and Dames never left your arm.  You do have some characters for in laws.  Just think Kat, a year ago you would have been looking for a casino after the wedding instead of enjoying that wonderful room with your hubby.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh.  Oh well, now that the wedding is over I hope you will continue to walk.  Hope you have a happy day and thanks so much for writing on my thread.  It means alot to me……..NancyIf it is to be …….. It’s up to me!Gladness is a choice and attitude is the key to happiness.

    • #22085
      marilee
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn…just had to pop on this morning and read about the wedding.  Not sure what made me think of it, but now I’m going to be late for work!  It sounds SOOOOOOOOO romantic.  I think we all know those family dramas, ours were usually centered around my mother (an alcoholic) and trying to determine whose turn it was to babysit her so that she didn’t pass our with her face in the soup bowl.
      I’m glad you felt so confident about your appearance.  When I went to my reunion, I didn’t put the whole thing together until 10 minutes before I was leaving…I looked in the mirror and thought "good God, I hate this".  You were all prepped and ready to dazzle.  Good on ‘ya girl.
      Always a delight to hear how well you are doing, could you ever have imagined this?  I still have this sense of wonder that there really IS a world waiting for me to join in.  Anyways, must run…ask your FIL if he’ll save the last dance for me!  That ought to start world war three.
       

    • #22086
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive had a good last few days.  Took my mum to town shopping on Tuesday and met up with my sister in there, we had a lovely time, mum was gorgeous, she just couldnt believe how many clothes there were in the shops!!!! I had to buy a birthday present for my bestie, she wants a tri-pillow, not very exciting im afraid but i got it for her.  Im going to buy her something special in Sydney when i go next month, im not saying what it is in case she comes on here and reads this post!!!
      Yesterday was a good home day, although i worked last night (had a great shift for a change) i got a lot of cleaning done, and Jode took Harry to a big play gym for the day and then he had a sleepover at her house, so that was nice.  I am getting his kinder photos today, they are so cute, as he has his 2 top teeth missing his big toothless smiles are gorgeous and im really looking forward to seeing them.  Ill have to buy a frame, i have done it for all the kids and every photo, from kinder to school goes in the one frame. Then every year when i get a new photo we get all the other ones out from behind and see how much they have changed.
      I have today off, Harry has kinder at 12 so i have the afternoon to myself.  I have to go and visit mum, and i think i will go and have a look at the local thrift stores and see if theres any bargains.  Tonight i have my night with Jode and im looking forward to that.  Im going to go early so we can go for a walk beforehand. 
      We are currently looking to buy a little car for Brea.  Nothing flash, just something reliable for her for next year with Uni. She’s pretty excited about that, so hopefully we will get something soon. 
      I have to say, yesterday when Jode took Harry my first thought was…gee, if i was gambling i could go now and no one would know.  But i would know.  I came on here instead and had a big read, lazed about and finished the housework.  Its funny to have a life without that constant feeling of dread.  Dont get me wrong, i love it, but it does take some getting used to.  I thank god every day that i am here, that im not gambling.
      Anyway, i think ive rambled enough,
      Have a great day everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22087
      paul315
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Just read your statement to Linda about your being here everyday making a difference, so I thought that I would make use of my daily visit to say Hi. 
      I find that my daily visits here are my greatest help, and that my Daily Pledge is the best reminder that I can have to be diligent in my efforts.  Other then the acknowledgment to my compulsion and my desire to be gambling free that  my Logging-in provides, the help I get from your, and those of other’s, frequent posts is essential to my progress.
      Thanks, and best wishes on your journey.Larry"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22088
      sherry123
      Participant

      You are doing so good Kathryn! The wedding sounds like it was wonderful. (and entertaining with your FIL’s girlfriend) Keep enjoying your fantastic gamble free life!

    • #22089
      vera
      Participant

      Kathryn………..
      Just one word for you,
      Persistence !
       all the sevens

    • #22090
      kathryn
      Participant

      My day from  hell…..
      Doesnt karma have a way of catching up with you??? When you do something you shouldnt, the universe always has a way to make you pay…..always.
      So last night i decided to have a look at cars for Brea. We found a ripper, it looked fantastic, had a years warranty, roadworthy, registered for a year, what more could i ask.  Today, i did a bad thing.  I took a sickie. I never take a sickie but we decided to drive to Melbourne to look at the deal of the century.
      The first sign that things werent going well was that Bailey woke up and was unwell and had to stay at home…hmmmm, unwell??? Actually, that was the second sign, the first was that the power went out at 9am. Anyway, we decided to go ahead with the big trip, Damian, Brea, Bailey and myself all jumped in the car and headed off to the big city.
      We got hopelessly lost, even with the gps system, i think the lady inside didnt have a damn clue where she was going and we ended up…i dont even know where.   We finally got to the caryard and the next dodgy thing was that it was out the back, not even in the lot, but we pressed on in hope.  The car looked ok, isnt it amazing what they can do with computers now, not only do they airbrush supermodels, but also cars. Still, with hope in our hearts we went for a drive.  I dont know what was worse, the back of the  boot falling off or the thick black smoke that  engulfed the car as it started.  I had rung the dealer beforehand and checked that it was there, but on arrival he informed us that the roadworthy had not been done yet and that it would be days before it would be ready.
      The big oilslick underneath the car was a worry, the wonky bonnet (hmmmm,,,accident perhaps?)
      Anyway, as im sure you have already realised, we didnt buy the car, but dont worry, mr slicko carsalesman chased us all over the lot trying to sell us anything he had!!!!!
      Moral of this story…..dont take sickies!!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
      Fighting the good fight…One day at a time– 9/10/2009 7:45:24 AM: post edited by kathryn.

    • #22091
      female g
      Participant

      I don’t know if this was supposed to be humorous but It gave me a chuckle it may be your decriptive use of words from down under SICKIE etc.  At least being the smart woman you are you didn’t get suckered into a car that was a clucker, right on !!!!

    • #22092
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hello Ms K:  First, thank you for all the love and support you sent my way.  I am fine … I refuse to wallow and be depressed for days.  Onward …
      I don’t think you should be the smart-ass donkey.  I’m rewriting the story if you don’t mind.  This version has you as Ariel … from The Little Mermaid.  The producers have decided to make you "part of their world", so they’ve given you the much dreamed about legs and you’re making a guest appearance with Princess Fiona.
      I’m sorry that your day hasn’t gone according to plan.  Poor Brea must be so very disappointed.  I had to laugh about Slick chasing you all over the lot.  Used car salesman … honestly, must they live up to their reputations!!!  Here’s hoping Ms. Brea finds the car of her dreams soon. You just reminded me of another reason I have to stay true to the recovery process. I only have four or five years before my eldest son will want a car.  Hmmmm … better start now … and then university for both … Lordy!!!
      Hope your day has improved markedly and that your weekend is stellar.
      Hugs.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22093
      howanan
      Participant

      Haaaaaaaaaaaaa – You got us laughing again Kathryn.  Sorry about Brea and the car, but you sound like you had a good time with the family.  I didn’t know they air brushed cars ???????   Have a good weekend… Nancy

    • #22094
      marilee
      Participant

      Oh K, such a chuckle I had reading your latest installment.  Life is funny….take a sick day when you aren’t sick, and presto!  you actually get sick (or your kids do).  I used to say that the Bingo Gods knew when I won money – if I won $500, the next day my car would break down and cost $547 to fix.   In the grand scheme of things, you ended up with a story that you can amuse people with at the next cocktail party.  Really?  Does anyone actually have cocktail parties anymore?  Just about peed my pants when you talk about the GPS lady not really knowing what she was doing – when I was on my business trip a few weeks ago, my BF had his car (complete with GPS), and that woman must be the cousin of your woman.  She would tell him to turn right after we had passed the street.  Stupid things.  Of course, if it was a GPS man, he’d never ask for directions and you’d have ended up in New Zealand.
      It’s not karma K, it’s life!  And we’d better get a d$mn good laugh out of it. 

    • #22095
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I have had a frantic weekend at work and i thank goodness its over.  Problem after problem….
      Anyway, the good news, actually the best news is that today i havent gambled for 4 months.  Things are going pretty well in my household, its strange, only 4 months ago i was a total wreck, i have had my fair share of dramas along the way but to say ive got to 4 is wonderful.  If it werent for all you here i dont know where i would be, so as always i will be grateful to each and every one of you!!!! In the grand sceme of things its just another day, i didnt gamble today.  I wake up each day and say those words, and do my best to live each day as it comes, although today was a stretch at work!!! Oh well, tomorrow is a new day, and, its a day off…woo hoo!!!
      I hope you all had a great weekend, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22096
      meglee
      Participant

      Hey K
      Woohoo to the big "4". Man that came around quickly! this time last month i was waving my arms around madly ontop of sydney harbour bridge like a crazy woman, in honour of all of us here!! (i think they were glad i was tied on to the bridge LOL).
      You guys have had me in fits talk about the other little madwoman that lives inside GPS units. I say, listen to marilee…. find the unit with the GPS MAN in it and head over to new zealand to see ME! haha. (yes marilee you are so right!!! its not karma, it IS life. and aren’t we so blessed to be able to laugh??! laughing is good for the soul – therefore, kathryn is good soul food for us all!! xxxx)
      Enjoy your day off babe xxxx
      love and light
       "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22097
      Anonymous
      Guest

      FOUR MONTHS!!!!!  Major WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOS!!!!! You’re rocking this thing my friend … I am SO proud of you.  Keep going … I’ve dropped back a bit in the race, but I’m still behind you, trudging with determination.  I’ve posted to you on my thread and will touch base again soon.
      ((((Hugs)))))
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22098
      vera
      Participant

      4 G-FREE MONTHS Kathryn!
      VERY WELL DONE! TAKE A BOW!
      I HOPE THOSE DREAMS NEVER COME TRUE.
      I DON’T KNOW WHICH IS WORSE, WAKENING UP FROM SUCH A DREAM AND REALISING IT’S NOT REAL , OR REALISING YOUR NIGHTMARE HAS TIPPED INTO REALITY……
      DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?
       all the sevens

    • #22099
      soupbone68
      Participant

      its people like you that keep me going. just wanted to say congrats on 4 months. 1 1/2 months here. Dont let me catch you. keep it up.

    • #22100
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      Hi All,
       …the good news, actually the best news is that today i havent gambled for 4 months.  …
      … In the grand sceme of things its just another day, i didnt gamble today.  I wake up each day and say those words, and do my best to live each day as it comes, …
      Kathryn xx
      Fighting the good fight…One day at a time
      Kathryn,
      You are to be commended of your achievement.  I like the way you phrased your announcement "… the best news is that today i havent gambled for 4 months.  …". You could have merely said, the best news is that i havent gambled for 4 months; but, your acknowledgment that "today" was part of your achievement, alone with your additional comment of "In the grand sceme of things its just another day", speaks well of your understanding of how to stay gambling free.
      I have found this truth to be my strongest defense — our journey must be One Day At A Time.  I also know that when others, such as you, reach a notable milestone, that knowledge of this gives the rest of us encouragement and faith in our own beliefs that we too can reach our goal. Thank you for letting us share in, and benefit from, your good news.
      Best wishes and God’s speed on the continuation of your journey.Larry"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22101
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      So today was an ordinary day…till i really sat down and thought about it.  Today i went grocery shopping.  Not a big deal right?  Well, when i think about the shopping i used to do, compared with what i bought today, there is a massive difference. 
      How fantastic to be able to walk down the aisles and grab whatever i wanted.  To not have a list with 10 things on it, and even then to be looking for something cheaper, to be able to buy decent meat, not just mince, mince, mince.  I can do a million things with mince.
      To buy treats for the kids, fruit regardless of the cost, my god it was nice. 
      Who would have thought that something as everyday as grocery shopping could be so uplifting!!! 
      So my ordinary day became something extraordinary, when i really stopped and thought about what i would have  bought only 4 months ago.  The cupboards and the freezer are full.  There is money left in my purse for the week,  4 months ago this would never have happened. 
      Another gamble free day has come and gone for me, i can look at today and be happy.  Now, if only i could decide what im going to eat………
      Have a great day everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22102
      howanan
      Participant

      HI Kathryn… You are an inspiration to others.  Congrats on 4 months and I wish you a lifetime of gamble free months.    Your description of grocery shopping then and now is so true.  Hope you bought youself something good to eat (low cal – nutricious – lol).  ………..NancyIf it is to be …….. It’s up to me!Gladness is a choice and attitude is the key to happiness.

    • #22103
      danielle
      Participant

      Hello kathryn,  Congrat’s on your four month anniversary.   Your doing so well and seem to be enjoying your gamble free days.  It sure is nice to beable to enjoy buying things of value for yourself and your family.  While gambling, I felt I never deserved to have nice things.  It sure feels good to buy things now and know I am worthy of them.  Your kids and husband must be happy with the new you too.  I’m so glad you have turned your life around.  It is so worth it and you have done it and are an inspiration to all of us here.  Keep up the good work.   Danielle

    • #22104
      sherry123
      Participant

      Glad you got to have a good experience at the store!  I’ve had those too.  I just spent $250 on part of a Christmas gift for my daughter and it was nice to write a check.  I thought about pulling out the credit card, and thought again, and pulled out the check book instead. No more holding on to money in case I need it for gambling.
      You’ve come a long way in 4 months and you’ve helped a lot of us along the way with your entertaining and caring posts.  Ones of these days I want to watch movies with my bestie and enjoy a sinful desert and enjoy the moment just like you.

    • #22105
      female g
      Participant

      well I had a slip not over the top but it still was a slip.  oddley I feel disappointment and encouraged all at the same time.  After reading alot of posts I see I have fallen behind but will pick up the pace once more and do what I set out to do.  I did not gamble today and will not gamble tomorrow. Thanks Kathryn

    • #22106
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive started my 4 day break today, which i feel i need.  Im so tired!  Brea and i are going to have a look at some cars today.  She has the day off from school, next week she will be finished all together except for her exams.  She’s doing really well, im so proud of her.
      So my worry about the car hunting is that i know absolutely nothing about cars…except how to drive one and put petrol in! Im terrified we will buy a lemon.  I know what we can afford to spend, how many kms i will get for a 12yo car (which is what we will be looking at) but pop the hood and i havent got a clue.  Im going to try to go in very confident, like i know what im doing.  They are going to see a woman walking in and start rubbing their hands together.
      One thing i can do is bargain.  Damian hates doing stuff like that…he wont even go to the shop if he doesnt have paper money, whereas i will use all the coins in my purse if i have enough.  Im glad he wont be there, if we do find something we will take him in tomorrow and see what he thinks.  I am also going to get some material for our much neglected dining setting.  The chairs are shocking so that will be a weekend project for us, a bit of a re-cover and they will be just like new.  I have to say, i have had some gambling thoughts, imagining walking into the venue, what will i play….then i slap myself and snap out of it.
      Ive been a bit neglectful on the posting…but dont worry, ill be back with a vengance.  I feel a little lost for words at the moment (i know, you dont believe it!) and im not sure why, but i know they will come once i start posting.
      Take care, bye for now, kathryn xxx
       Fighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22107
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  I think everyone needs alittle break from talking about gambling.  Sorry to read about your gambling thought.  But I have no doubt you have kicked them in the curb.  Have a good day car shopping.  Me, I’d raher be shopping for shoes………………NancyFrame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

    • #22108
      vera
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Can I ask you a question?
      How in God’s name can you afford to buy a car? I can barely afford the petrol!
      (Just had a flash….where will I get the money for the tax and insurance? Don’t even remember when it’s due!)
      As for gambling thoughts. Be careful! If you have money it’s a big temptation. On the other hand when we don’t have money, we think about "earning" some in the casino..No nd to this damn addiction!
      Anyway, you can’t go, youre barred!
       all the sevens

    • #22109
      vera
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Good luck with that little windfall! You deserve every penny of it! The Irish Government wouldn’t give you the steam off their piss! Excuse the vulgarity but we are being raped and plundered in this country. Read what Sulls wrote to my thread today (yesterday) If they did that to me, I’d burn down the bank. 
       I hope you get a lovely car for Brea. She sounds like a really good girl.
      As for my finances, Kathryn, we could remortgage the house, but my husband paid off every penny of that because I wasn’t working all those years so I don’t think it would be fair to him. It would be a huge reduction though!
      I wish I was a psychopath, with no feelings!
      The thought of losing the house would terrify me.I turned stone cold reading about yours…
      You will buy a property again Kathryn. I know it in my bones that the rest of your life will be blessed. Get a mortgage in Brea’s name when she is 21 and you can increase your working hours to pay it off. I’m nearly 20 years older than you, so you have a lot of earning power left by comparison.
      I know you will move mountains yet!
      never say never!
      If you ever gamble again, God help you! I will go to Melbourne and SHAKE you!
       all the sevens

    • #22110
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well…we got the car.  It was amazing, we went to the caryard, Brea saw one she liked (its purple!) and we took it for a drive, it went really well.  I checked all the things Damian told me to and went over it with a fine tooth comb.  It was lovely to drive and did i mention….its purple!!!!! We got it for $3000.  I tried to beat him down but he had already reduced it by a thousand, (so he said) but i did manage to get a full tank of petrol thrown in so i was happy with that.  We will be picking it up by Monday, Brea is very excited, did i tell you…..its purple!!!  Can you tell Brea likes purple…i havent looked at her facebook page yet but im sure there will be something purple in there!!! Isnt it all about the ‘cute’ to a 18yo girl. But i just hope it serves her well and with the rest of the money it will cover insurance and roadside assistance.
      We had a good day, i also got the material for our dining chairs, its the same colour as our couch, well, almost and i think its going to look great. Im having my night with Jode tonight and i cant wait.  My sister rang me and told me she had our tickets for the Oz open tennis next year and she has booked the hotel.  She wont let me pay for that but ive told her that every time i give her the eye when we are there i am paying!!! I know she wont let me, she spoils me rotten.  So its been an exciting day, im looking forward to a quiet one tomorrow.
      I hope you are all having a good day. Im so pleased this car business is over, just pray to the car gods that i havent gone and bought a bomb!
      Take care all, bye for  now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time

    • #22111
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya Kathryn!!!  So lovely to chat to you last night.  Glad to here you have some time off … nothing like a few days to rejuvenate the spirit.  I have to book some time with my best friend soon.  She lives so far away … well ok, an hour away, but I’m always so busy with kids or she’s off flying somewhere for work, so tough to coordinate schedules.  But we’re on the phone with each other every day, gabbing our gums off.
      I have another busy weekend ahead.  My boys fanaggled a sleepover with eight of their "closest friends".  I’ll pick them up on Friday afternoon directly from school,then they’ll all come and hang out at our house until Saturday at noon.  Lovely!!!Only redeeming feature is that they’re now old enough that I just have to make sure there is an unending supply of food and snacks and all is well.  Of course, I still have to supervise teeth brushing and make copious threats about bedtime.  But that’s just a nighttime ritual for me.  There is much excitement about the new ping pong table my husband has put in the basement … and he’s put a tv, and their movies and games down there for them, so I shouldn’t see them at all.  And except for the occasional bellow for a snack refill, I shouldn’t hear all that much from them either!!
      You are most welcome to come and have some pumpkin pie with us at any time.  I’ll make sure I have a huge turkey and all the fixings … and we’ll eat, drink and laugh to our hearts content.  Even better … come for the snow at Xmas and we’ll go skiing (alpine … not the wussie cross country type, lol.)
      Anyway, have a fabulous time off … be good to yourself and stay strong.  (I know you will!!)
      Hugs.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22112
      female g
      Participant

      just wanted to wish you well with the new car. oh by the way did you say it was PURPLE lol.  Take those thoughts on gambling turn them into balloons and ***** then all with a pin!!! enjoy re doing the chairs too.  Enjoyed reading your posts. not many other thoughts to share lately too.  Using energy to stay out of the casino is tireing!!! G
       

    • #22113
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      Hi All,
       did i tell you…..its purple!!!  Can you tell Brea likes purple…
      … We had a good day, i also got the material for our dining chairs, its the same colour as our couch, well, almost and i think its going to look great. ..
      Fighting the good fight…One day at a time
      I just scanned over your post, didn’t read every word, but, did you say that the material for the chairs was purple ? That is a good color for a car, but I am not sure about a chair!
      It is nice to have a normal life.  A few months ago my first thought upon hearing a story like yours would have been, "What slot machine has that theme?".  Now I am wondering, what color is the fabric and the couch?
       
      Larry

      "Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.– 10/16/2009 3:09:44 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22114
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn… Wow I am glad you bought Brea a PURPLE    car.  That is also my daughter and grand daughters favorite color.   I remember when I had favorite colors also.    If anyone new here read your thread Kathryn well you a a great testimony to stop gambling.  It sounds like you are really enjoying this life.  After all this IS what life is suppose to be.  Not the insanity………Have a good weekend……….Nancy
      Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’– 10/17/2009 6:30:14 PM: post edited by howanan.

    • #22115
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  I love the color purple. It’s my favorite…I love to wear it, and my kitchen is all purple.  Just what is it about the color purple…such a vibrant and happy color. I wish your daughter the best with her new car.  There’s nothing like a "first car".  I remember mine was a Mustang.  My Dad handed me the keys ( I still have the photo of the car, with my Dad and me in front of it, and him handing me the keys) and also the loan payment.   After the loan payment was all paid, he handed me back the money, which my husband and me used for our downpayment on our first home.  (we are no longer married though)   I was only 19. 
      Hope you have a wonderful weekend Kathryn.   Your doing great and supporting so many people.  Feel proud of yourself.  Danielle

    • #22116
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, we went and picked up the ‘purple’ car this morning.  Brea was at work and i drove it down there and picked her up in it.  She is still on her learners permit so Damian and i have to be with her in the car. She will go for her licence in January.  Im glad she will be used to it by the time she is allowed to drive all by herself.  She drove it home and smiled all the way, just gorgeous.
      If i was still gambling there is no way in hell i could have bought it for her.  That smile was all i needed to know that every day i dont gamble makes life worthwhile.
      Last night Brea was looking on ebay for dresses to wear to her validictory dinner next month.  She found one she liked and asked if i could put it on my credit card.  I said that was fine and began to fill it all in.  When i got to the amount, it was $30.  I nearly died, i thought i would be paying at least $100.  Brea then came out to me with the $30.  I told her i was buying her dress and she said ‘you just bought me a car’.  Little does she know that that dress is the bargain of the century, i was more than happy to pay for it!
      Im having a lazy weekend, there is nothing on, which i am grateful for.  Sometimes you just have to do nothing!
      I hope you all have a great weekend, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22117
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  Just wondering whether Brea has named the Purple Wonder yet?  I was thinking about it as I was driving to pick up the boys this afternoon and the perfect name popped into my head.  I think she should christen it Petunia .  What do you think?  Or Petal, perhaps.  No … no… I think Petunia!!! (Sometimes I wonder if my brain has turned to mush from lack of work.)
      Anyway, it’s 2:47 a.m. and I’m waiting patiently for the boys to settle down.  I’m feeling quite awful right now, because when I went to pick up the boys and their friends, I packed up all their sleeping bags, knapsacks and one suitcase that one of the friends had brought. Now, I can’t find the suitcase with all his clothes.  I drove back to the school at 1 a.m. to see if I’d left it in the parking lot … to no avail.  Poor thing has to sleep in my boys’ sweatpants and tee.  If it’s not found at school on Monday, I’m going to have to fork out for the lost case and clothes.  I feel so bad for him.  I can’t imagine how I could have lost it.  (Too bloody busy naming Brea’s car, I think, lol!)
      Anyway, I think the moon is in the "husbands gone wild" phase.  My husband had his usual weekly poker game at the local pub.  He came home drunker than a skunk … I am SO NOT amused!!  Of course, he wasn’t falling down drunk, but drunk enough that he had to leave the car at the pub and walk home. I can count on one hand the number of times he has done this in 16 years, but that’s no excuse.  Bad enough he has a standing night with the guys EVERY week, now he thinks it’s ok to come home sloshed while my kids have their friends over???  Not cool!!!!  No-one noticed anything, but I know and that’s enough to put him in the doghouse for a week (at least!!!)
      I was SO mad, and of course, my mind turned to gambling.  If he gets to play poker every Friday, why can’t I go to the casino some Saturdays.  We all know the answer to that one, but there it was … loud and clear.  "You deserve your time away."  Grrrr … warped thinking!!!
      Anyway, onward and upward.  I like your new signature … you need to share it with Vera who is being extraordinarily hard on herself.
      Enjoy your lazy weekend … it is my intention to laze the day away once all the kids are picked up on Saturday afternoon.
      Talk soon.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22118
      marilee
      Participant

      The only thing that comes to mind is the "one eyed one horned flying purple people eater".  I’m sure Brea will find just the right name for the new car!  My first car was a bright orange 1970 Volkswagon Beetle, whose name was Manfred.  Don’t remember why, but that was "his" name.  My current car is called "Soupy" because it resembles a soup can on wheels.  There have been many in between, but I won’t ever forget Manfred.  Just as Brea will never forget her first car.  What a lovely mum and dad you are…want to adopt me?  I even come with my own car!
      I was quite touched by your post on the grocery store.  It is those small things that make this journey so worthwhile.  Like you, I bought the cheapest of the cheap, and often not much of that in the gambling years.  I used to panic if my daughter ever said "mom I need to take cupcakes to school" because there wasn’t even $2.00 left over for a mix to make them.  I refuse to live like that again.  But it took time to appreciate that what I HAD was worth more than gambling.  Of course, I was always going to win enough money to buy a bakery! 
      It’s raining buckets today, I’m such a greedy person that I want MORE summer.  Alas, the rubber flip-flops are packed away and won’t see the light of day for six months.    My toes are already screaming in protest. But it’s a good day to stay in, I don’t feel well and so I don’t need to venture out.  Have a wonderful weekend K!

    • #22119
      davlen
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn.
      So pleased for you that your efforts to change your life around and stop gambling are giving you the rewards you deserve. a simple smile from a loved one. when my son or wife smiled when i was gambling i used to feel guilt. i didnt deserve them to be happy. Strange how the mind works whilst gambling. itas all about me me me. now, like you the most rewarding things are free. such as a smile from Brea. keep doing what you are doing, one day at a time, and the smiles will go on for miles! all around the world as your gt buddies share in your success!
      Kind regards Dave 

    • #22120
      kathryn
      Participant

      I have had a very ordinary day.  I was flat, tired, sad, angry, upset…i think it may be the hormones! Plus, my computer wouldnt stop freezing, i was getting 10 minutes of internet before it would freeze.  grrrrrr. Not happy.  I have downloaded something that is meant to stop the computer freezing, and so far so good, but i hope i did the right thing, i am so bad with computers, totally illiterate.  Well, it hasnt frozen yet so i think i may be ok.
      I didnt do a lot today, i was spending so much time here, trying to fix it that the day just flew and before i knew it, it was over. So im waking up with a new attitude tomorrow, i did go for a walk with Jode today, so that was something.
      I hope you all had a good weekend, i feel i have done nothing for myself, which may attribute to my mood.  I also think im more than ready for holidays…only a month to go!
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xx
       Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22121
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  Hope you’re feeling sunnier after a good night’s sleep.  Isn’t it funny how we forget to factor ourselves in.  At least you did the walk … that’s a good thing. 
      It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m just getting ready for my grocery shopping expedition.  I have my flyers and my coupons and I’m ready to hit all the deals.  I’m leaving my husband with explicit instructions that he clean the kitchen, the boys have to make up their beds and take all the laundry down to the basement.  Don’t tell anyone … I’ve trained them to believe that grocery shopping is a hardship for me, when in fact I LOVE it!!!  All the lovely deals and I’m out for a few hours.  I usually stop for a latte before I start and then I launch the attack on retailers.  What joy to save so much, how lovely not to have to pay full price for anything!!!
      After the sleepover yesterday, I was an absolute mess.  Got to bed at 3, up at 8 to make a huge breakfast of bacon, pancakes and waffles (for those who didn’t want pancakes) and juice to wash it all down. Then got everyone brushing their teeth, dressing and gathering all their belongings for departure.  They had another four hours of play before pickup.  By 11, they were hungry again, so toasted cinnamon raisin bagels with cream cheese and hot chocolate for all.  By the time they left, they were well and truly stuffed.  It was a challenging sleepover, one foot injury (running down the basement stairs); one fight to referee (between brothers, had to put on my mean Mommy face and chastise the older brother).  That caused the older one to go into a sulk for an hour.  Then I had to put on my nice Mommy face and explain that I wasn’t mad, I just couldn’t allow physical violence in my home. There was the usual cliquish nonsense, disagreements over which movies to watch, endless negotiating on what time bedtime should be (I lost, obviously). After they had left, I cleaned up, and then collapsed into bed with strict instructions not to disturb me under penalty of death.
      Today, it’s been lovely and lazy, made a nice big breakfast again, watched a horror movie with my husband and baby son (Alien vs Predator) … much to my husband’s amusement.  I spent the entire movie with my face covered and my ears closed.  Now, I’m hitting the stores.  When I get back, it’s laundry, studying French with the boys, and dinner.
      No gambling possible today, although I won’t lie … the thoughts are still there.  One day, my friend, one day …
      Take care and have a fabulous day … do something nice for yourself.
      All the best.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22122
      sherry123
      Participant

      I’m sorry such a sunny person as you is not having a particularly good day!  May tomorrow be better.
      Did Brea come up with a name for her car?  I had a friend in high school with a purplish car and we all called it the grape mobile…my husband said it was because we drank cheap grape wine (and we did).

    • #22123
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Good to see you are doing so well.  Do you find it easy now.  I get the impression its pretty smooth sailing for you with the gambling or am i getting it wrong.  Sorry if i am just wondering if you ever face tough times with it still?
      You have done so well and thank you so much for your posts to me.  It makes me feel like i am not alone, i am not doing so great but great in other ways.  So all is not lost.  Thanks for being my friend on here
      P

    • #22124
      female g
      Participant

      hey Kathryn how about purple nurple lol.  It takes me back to being in high school.  Just kidding I am sure she would get a good laugh at all these funny ideas. Sounds like a considerate child though and was quite reasonable in the purchase of her dress. She truly appreciates the car you gave her.  good stuff!!! G 

    • #22125
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      Thank you all who posted and cheered me up.  I did feel much better when i woke up this morning, i did have a fight with Bailey though, he told me he hadnt handed in the envelope for his school swimming lessons last friday.  I thought he had given the money away ($35) Until i rang the school to confirm we were giving each other daggers.  I then apologised to him for yelling, and he apologised for yelling back!
      I went and visited mum this morning, she is getting old.  She will be 80 next year and although she had been pretty lucky health wise, her mind is very slowly going somewhere else.  It frightens me, but whatever happens we will deal with it and in reality i dont think we will be dealing with anything for quite some time to come.
      Brea has only 2 days of school left EVER! She is so excited, she has ‘muck up day’ on thursday, you know, where they go and do…im not sure, but there was a list of things sent home that they couldnt do.  The year 12’s then put on a concert for the rest of the school…she is doing Michael Jacksons ‘Thriller’ dance with a heap of other girls.  What great funs she is going to have.  I hope she takes it in because the real world is beckoning her, and even though i know she is going to have a great life, dont we all look back with a little envy of the free spirit of 18yo.. the world is their oyster.   Bailey is having swimming lessons all week, apart from Wed, its a public holiday here for the Geelong Cup, a big racing event, hmmmm, dont think ill be going to that one although im working and get public holiday rates so thats a bonus for me.  We are waiting in anticipation of Harry’s bottom tooth to fall out, he’s already lost the top 2, so if he loses the bottom 2 he is going to have the worst lisp, which will be soooo cute.  Im sure he is petrified its going to fall out and he will swallow it!
      I had a decent night at work tonight, no dramas although im wondering if its a full moon, the dementia residents were going beserk, wandering, fighting, crying, yelling, it just went on and on.  Im glad to be sitting in my nice quiet lounge.  I have tomorrow off, its going to be 28c, our first real warm day.  I am getting up early and stripping all the beds so i can get them washed and on the line…..what else would i be doing except washing!!!
      Anyway, ive rambled enough, im sure as you see by my post i am feeling a lot better.
      I hope you have all had a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22126
      danielle
      Participant

      Glad your feeling better today Kathryn.  I think we all have those days from time to time.  Family life can be exhausting but what is the alternative…no family.  Myself, I’d rather have my sometimes dysfunctional family.lol!!
      Is Brea going to college in the fall?  She sounds so smart and lovely.   You did a fine job with her Kathryn and must be so proud of her.  Was she a monster at 13?  I ask because my granddaughter has turned into one over the last 6months.  I hope things change as I never remember being that way.  Of course, I had two older sisters that kept me pretty much in line. 
      Your doing great in not gambling.   You seem very determined and I think that’s what it takes.  I feel the same but still get those old urges.   We are all different but basically the same.  We are CG’s.   Danielle

    • #22127
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a massive cleaning day today..the warm weather brings out the cleaner in me and i felt great when it was all done.  Tomorrow is a public holiday, no school, so i have the boys home, so im glad i did it all today, i can sleep in in the morning and laze around…no housework, well, not much, theres always something to be done.
      I spent a bit of time with Jodie today which was nice.  She is just about to start her busy time with her cleaning business and she always gets stressed out.  Although this year is different, she has 2 little boys to contend to as well.  No wonder she is stressed.  Once its all underway its fine. Her husband and mine had a big falling out about 2 years ago.  They have only just started talking now, which im really happy about as it means we can spend some time at their place this summer.  They are both as bad as each other!  Jode and i didnt get involved, we decided early on to stay out of it, i wasnt losing her as a friend because our men couldnt get on.  Things were said by both of them that shouldnt have been, to a third party to which he gleefully repeated and i believe he made up quite a bit of it.  Anyway, the third party is no longer welcome at my home.  They say women are bitchy!!!!
      I took Brea for a drive this afternoon, she is getting quite good but i still pull her up on some things.  She has a bit of a lead foot. They are not allowed to go for their licence until they have had 120hrs of practice…thats a lot but we have got about 50hrs down, so we are getting there.  Ill make sure she has them up by January.
      Thats about my day today, i got a lot achieved home wise.  Gambling has been on my mind the last few days, not in the sense that i can go as ill be thrown out, but in that if i hadnt excluded i proboably would have.  Im not sure why…maybe im not being as aware as i should be, ive been a bit down, very short tempered and its my dreaded big week at work.  Well today, i will not gamble!
      Have a great day all, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22128
      howanan
      Participant

      Well Kathryn,  It sounds like you are having a busy life right now.  Isn’t it wonderful?  Sorry to read about the gambling thoughts but I know you will not act on them.    Thank you so much for your advise and encouragement on my thread.   Have a great day with the boys today………….NancyFrame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

    • #22129
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Kathryn:  It’s your delinquent friend in Canada.  Great that you got the spring clean out of the way.  Nothing better than relaxing in a fresh, clean, organized home.  I love my home just after I’ve cleaned it. 
      I’m feeling a bit guilty because I feel that my ridiculous behaviour may be somewhat of a catalyst for your gambling thoughts.  I say this because in the past, when I read of others’ slips, I would use it as an excuse to go and gamble myself.  "They slipped and came back, why don’t I just give it a little try."  I’m not saying this is your thought pattern, but if I’ve contributed to those minor urges in ANY way, I am SO very sorry.
      I’m in the midst of morning rush hour, trying to get kids off to school, but I thought I would just pop in and let you know you’re in my thoughts.  Have a lovely day relaxing with your kids.  Remember:  do something nice for yourself too.  Gambling thoughts come to me when I’m exhausted (as I was after the sleepover) … so it’s important to take care of yourself.
      Hugs.
      RG This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22130
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Kathryn,
      I’m so sorry you were feeling down lately – you don’t deserve it (understatement of the year).
      I wonder if you’re just plain emotionally drained and done in – what with that paternity nightmare.  Maybe it’s a slightly delayed reaction and your brain/nervous system rebelling.
      I take my hat off to you for your honesty about your gambling thoughts lately – and for your reaction to them.
      Remember, that evil alter ego inside who wants you to gamble would laugh its head off if you did give in – and lost money, peace of mind and all that wonderful work you’ve put in.  I guess ‘today I will not gamble’ is all you can do.
      But as you’ve said to me before, those days add up and urges fade into good sense!
      You sound like such a brilliant mother.  To keep on track for your family while you’re going through all this turmoil is incredible.  I hope you give yourself credit for it!!
      I sent a whole shedload of positive vibes to Vera just now, but I’ve always got some in reserve for you….and here they come!!
      All my best Kathryn – I think you’re tops!!
      S.
       

    • #22131
      vera
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      I’m glad Brea is enjoying her new car. This would never have happened if you were still gambling!
      One thing I meant to as you!
      Did hubby ever gamble since?
      You think you have a big week ahead. This weekend, I will be working Saturday and Sunday (end of week) Then Monday and Tuesday!
      One day at a time is the only way I can do that either!
      One of the guys owes me a day and he said " request to work on Tuesday, I’ll request to be off and I’ll pay you back".
      My request was granted. His wasn’t!
      As the say in Russia ……….TUFFSHITSKI!!!!!all the sevens

    • #22132
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Things are better for me today.  But wanted to once again thank you for your support.  Have a great day..NancyFrame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

    • #22133
      linnie44
      Participant

      Just wanted to let you know ive been reading your thread all along and am so proud of your transformation. You go girl!
      Hugs *life is good

    • #22134
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i have not long got home from work and im really tired.  I am going to my sisters tonight for dinner, my neice (her daughter) who was married in march has just come back from her 6 month honeymoon overseas…sigh.  Anyway we are going to catch up so that will be lovely though in reality i would just like to go to bed.  Oh well.
      Gambling has not been a big part of my week, my thoughts have been occupied with other things, i did go for a big of a shop yesterday morning with Jode.  I bought a dinner set, mine does not have 1 pair of matching plates so now i am all matching.  I actually bought 2, i gave one to mum to give to me for christmas! I dont have a lot to report, just getting through my big work week and trying to keep this house up to scratch…i am soooo sick of washing.
      Anyway, i hope you all have a great weekend, my computer is playing up a bit and keeps freezing so i have to try and post quick until i can workout how to fix the damn thing.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22135
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Kathryn,
      I just wanted to say hi.
      You are doing so incredibly well.  I glanced at the start of this thread: June….and still going strong (and giving so much support and great advice to so many people – including me).
      Brilliant stuff – you should be damned proud of yourself in every way!
      All my best as always,
      S.
       

    • #22136
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Words cannot express how happy i am that my weekend is over.  It was so emotionally draining, i am just starting to relax now.  So on to next week…my dinner at my sisters was lovely, it was great to see my neice, she looks fantastic, and who wouldnt, spending the last 6 months jetting around the world. It was lovely to catch up.
      Damian is cooking me a roast pork dinner tonight, yum. I am looking forward to some family time this week, and it always takes me a couple of days to catch up on the house after my busy week, but it will be nice knowing i have 4 days off after Wed.  I really havent thought too much of gambling this week, its usually when its quiet around here that my thoughts drift off, and i really have been too busy to think about it. 
      I hope you have all enjoyed your weekend, i often think of you all, wondering what you are all doing, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22137
      female g
      Participant

      love the support too and appreciate your willingness to share your life  with us G

    • #22138
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well today was a little less productive than i would have liked…maybe it was the hour long nap on the couch at 2 o’clock that did it.  I had grand plans of doing my massive basket of washing, its still sitting there, looking at me, saying "i dare you to start"….i did do most of the housework, although we had no water today as they were doing something, and turned it off.  In reality though, my plans didnt really involve water, although i did make sure i was up early for a shower!!!
      I think today was the very first day that i didnt have one thought of gambling.  Its not till right now that i realise i didnt think of it at all, in any capacity, except when i logged on here this morning for a look. Even then i was checking out who posted, so theres a first.
      So at the end of the day i feel i didnt really get much done, which i dont like.  But i did enjoy the nap. I think i will go and do that dreaded ironing now, before tea, before group, because if i dont, it will still be there in the morning giving me the evil eye!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22139
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I have just logged on before I start doing some course-work and there is not much happening in F&F. It would be great to think it was because there was no longer a need!!
      I too am avoiding the ironing which, in de-‘pressing’ unity with yours, hangs over me like the sword of Damocles – grrrrr. I hope you got yours done. I am staying out of the room where mine is hanging with nasty creased bits that the iron won’t fit into without making more creases!! I think I know why so many materials are formed from ‘man-made’ fibres – if they were woman-made fibres they would never need ironing!
      It is wonderful to read that your thoughts of gambling are decreasing. I know it is vastly different to me but I found with time that I could read the forums and think about the ‘subject’ without ‘my’ experience registering as being about ‘me’. I am under no illusions about the addiction but it is brilliant to read how your mind is now so full of other things that gambling is locked into a recess of your mind that you don’t visit for longer and longer periods. Today you even picked up the post and checked it out without getting to the door at all – terrific.
      Take good care of you – you have made Monday a brighter day for me – even with the ironing.
      Loads of Love as Ever
      Velvet xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #22140
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      You deserve a nap and afew ZZZZZZs!!!
      Speak soon,
      S.
      PS. Those blankets can wait!

    • #22141
      marilee
      Participant

      It’s taken me a bit to read up on the last 10 days or so of your life.  You do sound a little worn out, no wonder with all of the things you are doing.  I just wanted you to know that for some strange reason at about 90 – 100 days, I had quite strong urges to gamble too.  Not sure why, as things were generally going well in my life.  So your recent thoughts probably aren’t all that unusual.  Also, make sure you pay attention to your stress level, we have years and years of defaulting to gambling to deal with stress, and only months of trying other things to deal with stress.  Some would say that if you are weakened, the gambling demon can sneak in.  However you want to frame it, you just need to pay attention to your own health. 
      I still don’t know the name of the purple car!  Just reading your post about Brea’s last days at school, and the glorious carefree days of being 18 made me a little nostalgic.  Of course, in life’s funny way, I can now look in the eyes of my boyfriend from those days, and feel carefree again. 
      Take care of yourself, as always, it’s fun to read about the adventures of Kathryn!

    • #22142
      meglee
      Participant

      Hello my friend
      I was just reading about your day too… (no, by the way – i didn’t get my ironing done either LOL) and i smiled at your comment that you had got through the day without a gambling thought! Wow, thats a milestone. By sharing that;  you continue to inspire, and give hope to others on the same journey.
      Something in your last couple of posts has reminded me of a feeling i have experienced at times on my journey. That feeling when life starts to feel a bit ho-hum or ordinary. Like when i first began counselling (quite a few years ago) for depression and anxiety, and made major inroads to overcoming it, but as i did that i found myself thinking "is this it?"…
      It was like i expected some huge fanfare and fireworks, and some extraordinary new life to suddenly begin. (it is much the same feeling that i have experienced this year in learning to let go of my CG, and live free of his gambling)
      My wonderfully wise counsellor reminded me that the ‘gap’ or ‘hole’ i was feeling, was the space that my anxiety used to occupy (likened to your gambling i guess), and that i should welcome that gap, and not try and fill it in. He also suggested I should ’embrace the ordinary aspects of life’. Because without the ordinary days we would never recognize the extraordinary ones! And i imagine that without the ordinary days life would be a blur.
      So…I’m glad you had a nap on the couch and didn’t do your ironing. Either way though it sounds like you had a blissfully ordinary day!!!!
      Thought of you when i saw the moon tonight… its only a half moon but incredibly bright! So glad it wont be a full moon for halloween on saturday (god forbid can you imagine how hairy Velvet would be!!!!???? LOL). I’m thinking i’ll dress up as a witch. My kids think i play that role pretty well most days, but might be fun to scare all the other kids in the neighbourhood for a change! HA!
      Take care chook.
      Love and light
      Meg xxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22143
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I have always dreamed of the ho-hum, the ordinary, the ‘normal’…and now i have it, i dont quite know what to do with it.  You are right Meg, i did think that there would be some never ending party going on!  Ive changed my life, ive worked damn hard to do it, so where are those fireworks?  Somehow, ironing just doesnt cut it (although i did get it done, hope that gives you some inspiration V!) Is this what my life was like before i had a gambling addiction?  I dont remember, it was that long ago.  BUT, in saying all that, i have to say that my life is wonderful, i wouldnt go so far as to say peaceful, but im working towards that goal.  Im still not good at stopping and smelling the roses,  i am still in the mindset that something is going to happen, what, i dont know!
      All i can do is not gamble, i need to learn to just let life be life and take the good with the bad.  I am going up to the school today, Bailey is having swimming lessons so we are going to walk up to the pool and watch him.  I used to dread things like that, it took away from my gambling and in a way i still feel that way.  Its almost like in my head im saying, bugger, i have a commitment and id rather be anywhere but there.  Its not that i dont want to go, but i always feel that there is something better just around the corner.  Does that make sense?
      I am working tonight, one more shift and im off for 4 days.  I have a lot to look forward to, my trip with Brea to Sydney, her graduation, my holidays (cant wait for that one!).  
      I am no longer gambling, and im so grateful for that.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22144
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi again!!!
      So i wanted to write and tell you about the trip to the pool.  As usual, nothing is ever easy for me.  Harry and i went to the school, and, of course he wanted to go to the toilet when we arrived so i took him, and as he goes into the toilet all the kids from Baileys class came past.  Now, usually Harry is the quickest toilet goer in the world, but not today….im standing outside the door yelling in like a banchee, and then when he finally comes out what do we do??? We have to RUN to catch up…did i mention i was RUNNING!!!! Hmmmm, for those of you that dont know me very well, i do not ever ever ever run!
      So Harry and i finally catch up to the group, im puffing like an old worn out rhino, trying to look like im not puffing..(did i mention that Baileys teacher is very easy on the eye?) so im trying to look so cool, like my heart is not about to pound out of my chest and i want to collapse on the spot, like i run ALL the time and that 100metre sprint just didnt nearly kill me!!!
      So we get to the pool and Bailey jumps in…god bless him, he spent the whole time waving to me and making sure i was watching him that he barely swam at all.  Now all this happened in an hour or so…what a funny day now that i look back at it, im actually lol right now just reading this back.  The walk home was very easy…no running there!!!
      So there was my trip to the pool, i thought you might find some amusement in it as i did.  If i was gambling, i wouldnt be able to re-tell my tale, and i wouldnt have a happy son, who even though barely swam a stroke, was thrilled that his mum was there to watch him.
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22145
      howanan
      Participant

      HI Kathryn,  Yes I laughed also.  It seems that life is good for you right now and I am happy for you.  You are working hard to keep it that way.  You know Kathryn, I too have a hard time with commitments.  I never used to but since my gambling days, I don’t like to commit my time to anything.  I haven’t post in a couple of days as the old depression bug hit me and I slipped.  But I am back now and will not let that hurt my recovery.  Have another great day…NancyNothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.

    • #22146
      marilee
      Participant

      Oh, the mental images you give me K!  Wailing like a banshee, and lumbering to catch up to the other kids….not quite sure how you determined Bailey was a quick toilet goer…is there some sort of test you pass in Australia for these things?   Do you hold the toilet goer Olympics?  Are there regular (excuse the pun) toilet goer support groups?  Remedial toilet goer classes?  Are awards given out at the end of the year for the "best dressed toilet goer", the "miss congeniality toilet goer", the "talent winner" toilet goer?
      In Canada, I’ll just get back to more mundane things.  The only thing peculiar about our toilet going habits is that we tend to pee very quickly to avoid being frozen to death!  Have a great day.

    • #22147
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hello you,
      ‘Very easy on the eye’….you’re a married lady!!
      You keep up the great work Kathryn, you’re an inspiration.
      S.

    • #22148
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Kathryn,
      Please find below a post I’ve just made in my (very self-indulgent!) diary thread.  But I want to make sure you see this – and understand how much you’ve helped me.  Thank you! S.  PS. I’ve put in in purple type as a tribute to the car!!
      Re: (VERY) Dear Diary
      Well done.  But that could so easily have been a disaster.
      So the Betfilter free trial ended, and suddenly you could get to poker sites.  And you nearly played, didn’t you?  But you didn’t (and immediately bought the 1-year licence and downloaded Betfilter!!).
      So instead of hating yourself in a few hours time, you can congratulate yourself on some great sense and real progress. But if I hadn’t been coming on here and getting inspired and humbled by the incredible efforts people like Marcus, Vera and Kathryn (and so many others) have made for themselves, I would have been back to square one.
      Wow that was close though.  A few hours after posting to others here, I nearly slipped on my backside.  What an insult that would have been to my wife, my friends here – and to myself.
      Now I’ve got betfilter, I know I can’t play that garbage, waste money – and damage myself emotionally.
      That was a huge step forwards. I’m going to tell my Mrs about it later – she deserves to know I’m exercising some will, decent sense and self-respect by protecting myself (and us) in this way.
      I can say no to this online poker garbage – in fact, I’m already doing it.
      S.
      I’m going to put this on threads to Marcus, Vera and Kathryn…so they know how much their support and examples have done for me.
       

    • #22149
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Like you, i create a visual image of everything that plays in my mind like a wee movie…. so the visual of your trip to swimming had me in fits!!! Especially the part about trying to look cool infront of the easy-on-the eye teacher, while gasping for oxygen. LOL.
      But then marilee’s post about the toilet olympics……!! Hahaha hahaha The visuals on THAT one were even funnier. Thanks for the laugh this morning girls. yes marilee, the aussies are probably all nuts enough to hold such competitions!! hehe. And the award for ‘best banshee-ing mother outside a childs toilet cubicle’ goes to….(drumroll please)………………. KATHRYN!!!!!!
      Have a great day!
      Love and light
      Meg xxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22150
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      It is the most magnificent day here today, glorious would be the word i would use…..so i know you have all been waiting to hear the name of the car.  I just asked Brea and she has called it….INDIGO!  Little Indy.  She googled the word purple and she liked that one the best so there you go!
      She is going to get her hair done this morning, and then we are going to take Indy for a drive.  A new Target store has opened up not far from us and we are going to go and have a look after i drop H off at kinder.  Hopefully, i will find myself some summer clothing, my wardrobe is a bit sp****.  I need some T-shirts and 3/4 pants.  Today being payday means i can afford to spend a little, and i am in desperate need.  If that fails, im going in to town with Jode tomorrow for round 2!
      I had a great night at work, i know im mean but the Div 1 i work with came down sick and i got to work with my favourite one so it was a very laid back night.  Im now on a 4 day break, not sure at this stage if im doing anything exciting, although there is a free day at a local aquatic centre on Sunday which i think the boys would love.  Ill just see how the weather goes.
      So theres my report for the day, i hope you all have a wonderful day.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22151
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well the shopping trip was a success.  I put one thing in my basket to try on and then i was like a crazy woman, picking up clothes everywhere.  I got 4 tops and 2 bottoms.  So im still going to town today with Jode, we have a few things we need to get and then im all done.
      Brea has her first final exam today…english.  I thing she is pretty prepared, she has been studying very hard so i just know she will do well.  I did tell her though, that at the end of all of this, if she doesnt get the score she needs i know she has done her best and we will look at other avenues.  I put too much pressure on her, because she has never really been in trouble, i guess we expect her to do well all the time and thats not fair.
      In saying that, she is very clever and i would be very surprised if she doesnt get what she needs to get into her university course.  Hmmm, bragging mother…..YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!!!
      No thoughts of gambling, which is nice, theres nothing like shopping to take your mind of it!
      I hope you have a great day all, we are expecting thunderstorms today, i love them, so hopefully it will be when im sitting at home, exhausted and i can enjoy the show!
      Bye for now, Kathryn xx
      Life is about falling….living is about getting up!– 30/10/2009 11:28:09 AM: post edited by kathryn.

    • #22152
      vera
      Participant

      Brea sounds like every mothers’ dream daughter Kathryn!
      My son came home last night…
      I won’t even attempt to make comparisons!all the sevens

    • #22153
      videopoker_idiot
      Participant

      BRAGG ALL YOU WANT!!!! us addicts have to find sucess where we can get it!!! also now that any education is better than none. I have a BM in Music from the UMKC Conservatory of Music.  As addicts, we know failure, we dont need to spread it. I hope she does well.
       I hope I didnt offend you either.
       VPI

    • #22154
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Kathryn,
      Just a very quick post to check in with you.
      I hope you’re feeling good today….and that your daughter’s exams went brilliantly.
      Speak soon,
      Shakey.x.
      PS. I had a brand-new batch of good vibes delivered today, and just dispatched a whole load down under to you!

    • #22155
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      Reading about you looking like a rhino and Bailey waving from the pool reminded me of when I tried to look super cool scuba diving off Queensland. The trouble was that I am mildly asthmatic and hearing my breathing getting strained I panicked – not the wisest thing to do. I knew I shouldn’t put my feet down because of the coral and anyway it would cut me to ribbons, so I waved in distress whilst shouting ‘help’ with a mouthful of sea water (which probably sounded more like glub, glub, splutter). My husband, who was on the shore waved back ‘hi’, turned round and walked away. On the third time down I risked the bloodied feet and knees and I won’t repeat what I said as I crawled ashore!!
      Your posts are a joy to read (except the bits where Meg mentions my personal problems at Halloween).     
      I hope Brea does brilliantly with her exams – I’m sure she will with a mother as terrific as you.
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #22156
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      Thanks for posting on my thread and well done on your continued success. I’ve decided I must start posting again after a few months of being a lazy poster, especially after seeing how good you have been!
      Just reading through your thread and its amazing how far you have come since June and I am so glad you are enjoying "normal" life once again. You made me laugh regarding the shopping trip, i’m a bit like that only with man stuff, its like i’m trying to buy anything to make up for lost time. Anyway I hope your daughter does well at her exams and keep up the good work.
      Speak soon
      Carl My soul is back

    • #22157
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, i think Brea did ok in her exams…she came out and said it was fine!  She answered everything, had time to read over her answers and was really happy with what she had written..1 down, 5 to go!
      I had a really lovely day today.  Dames and i took the boys to Kmart, they bought some Leggo, Dames got some stuff and i was very good and didnt buy anything, unless you count  a new pair of kitchen tongs!!
      We came home and lazed about all afternoon, the boys put on a movie and played with their leggo, it was the first time we had taken them out shopping for a while, last time we went i said they were never going again due to their behaviour, but they were angels.  I had a nap, then got up and made dinner.  After cleaning up, there was a big storm coming over, fork lightning everywhere, big claps of thunder, so the boys and i got the patio furniture and set it up  and sat and watched the storm.  They are usually scared so i tried to tell them the little i know about storms and all the made up things i had been told as a child.
      We had a lovely time, they were quite interested in the made up things…the clouds are playing football, that was their favourite.  It was great to spend some real time with them.  I feel very contented today.  I am just about to head to bed but wanted to write of my lovely day before i woke up tomorrow and had forgotten it! I do have a great story about my skinny jean shopping on Friday…but ill save that for later, its a hoot!
      Anyway, happy halloween to all who celebrate it…we hung a skeleton in the window, not much i know, but i had to do something after all the hype!!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22158
      flowers
      Participant

         dear kathryn sounds like life is good for you (good for you)
                       flowers

    • #22159
      howanan
      Participant

      Happy Holloween    Nancy
      Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.
      — 10/31/2009 2:26:04 PM: post edited by howanan.– 11/4/2009 4:21:36 PM: post edited by howanan.

    • #22160
      vera
      Participant

      Glad to read about your enjoyable day with the children Kathryn!
      Beats gambling , doesn’t it?
      all the sevens

    • #22161
      kathryn
      Participant

      Do you know that feeling…of wanting everyone to leave you alone, of wanting to curl up and sob for an hour?  I have that feeling right now in this very moment…and i have absolutely no idea why.Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22162
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Cheer up hun. I don’t have days when I want to sob because I am, ahem, a man and of course we don’t cry but I do have days when I feel like there is a big black cloud hovering above my head making me pi%%ed off,moody and snappy and for absolutely no reason that I can think off. Sometimes I wonder if there are certain traits of a CG that will never leave me or whether certain traits of "me" caused me to become a CG. Whatever the answers remember where you once was and where you are now.
      CheersMy soul is back

    • #22163
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, so sorry you are feeling blue.  Could it be hormones?  Go ahead and sob if you need to.  I’m going through menopause and have had more than my share of mood swings.  I’ve never been a ‘fighter’ or one for confrontaion. I took some things to the pay laundry downtown.  I was getting out of my car and about 5 hispanic men were standing around laughing and I felt if one of them said one thing I could "take them’ all and beat the cr*p out of them.  I must have looked at them like I ‘dared’ them because they looked at each other and moved out of my way. I’ve never had that felling again, thank goodness, but it was totally out of character for me.  (I’ve been taking hormones for a couple of years for that reason…and for the hotflashes.) Go ahead and have your sob and your time to yourself and you will be back to your upbeat happy self soon.

    • #22164
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chook
      I hope you are having a much brighter day today! Some days just suck don’t they!?
      I’m looking forward to reading more about your skinny-jeans-shopping-adventures….. coz NOONE can tell a funny shopping story quite like you can!!! LOL.
      LOve and light
      Meg xxxxxxx
       "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22165
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I am feeling much better today, yes Sherry, it could well be the hormones, who knows but i woke up feeling fine this morning.  So i thought i would fill you in on my skinny jean tale…
      Friday i went into town with Jodie.  I have a beautiful pair of long black boots and i have been dying to wear them over my jeans but as the ones i own are all wide leg i knew i had to go and get some ‘skinny ones’.
      Enter in to the shop, the barely 18 y/o girl greets us and i tell her what i want…jeans to go in my boots…skinny jeans she replies.  So we pick a size, i tell her im a 13 and she gets them…i squeeze into them and get them done up and walk out of the change room…"TOO BIG" she yells and gets me a 12 (hmmm im feeling pretty good at this stage!).  I squeeeeeze into the 12’s, but, they are very low waisted and i need something to hold in my tummy so i ask if she has these and she says "look, i want you to try on a pair of mens jeans", "ok" i say, whatever.  She gives me a mens size 12 and they go on ok, they are nice and high waisted, but when i come out she yells "too big" you need an 11.  This is where it gets wierd….i get the 11 on, by this time, im hot, bothered and out of breath, but, i cant get them done up.  She then says…"get down on your knees and bend backwards and they will do up", so stupid me does it, im on the floor, in obvious pain, counting to 3 and trying to do up the jeans. The old rhino was back, huffing and puffing but…i did get them done up.  "hooray" the sales girl yells…Im standing there, looking at her, nearly being cut in half by these jeans and i say to her…"honey, if i have to do that everytime i want to wear these, well, forget it!".
      So in the end, i opted for the first pair of 12’s…and ill wear spanx to keep the belly in line.  I was absolutely exhausted by the end of it all.  Why oh why do i let these people do this to me.  After that, Jode and i went and had a coffee, and we laughed and laughed.  I once made her go into this ‘healing centre’ to have a try of drum therapy…we had to stand there while this man banged a drum really close to our bodies…freaky!!!  Im sure she thinks its payback!!! What goes around comes around.
      Have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xx Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22166
      meglee
      Participant

      LOL LOL LOL!!!!!
      Isn’t it funny too, how these young sales assistants always seem to be about size 6!!!!!? Yay for spanx pants eh!
      When i got my skinny jeans i had a similar experience and suggested to the lovely girl who perservered with me that they should put in a larger cubicle (for us less agile ladies) with a small bed in it! so that we could at least lie down to try the jeans on…………..or if we got too exhausted from the whole experience we could just stop for a little nap!!! haha!
      I’d hazard a guess that jode might have set ya up!!!! after the drum therapy episode I reckon i’d get one back on ya too! LOL!
      Glad to hear today was a new day and felt brighter!
      Much love and light
      Meg xxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22167
      howanan
      Participant

      Well Kathryn you did it again.  You got me laughing out loud.  Good thing no one was here to hear me.  lol  I love your stories of your life.  Have a great day……………NancyNothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.

    • #22168
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I dont have a lot to post today, yesterday was a home day, which was nice although i did go and visit my mum and my bestie for coffee.  I spent a lot of time here reading and posting, i seem to have days when i do a couple, and then days i do 15!  Most of my work was done so i had a fairly lazy one. 
      Brea is off for another exam today, its interesting, i have been watching what she is wearing to her exams because when i did mine for my nursing, i would dress according to my mood/confidence, and she is exactly the same.  The first one last week she looked awful, dressed in big clothes (which isnt like her at all) but as she has been going along, her dress is getting better and better.  She’s quite the looker today, hair and makeup done, im sure by the last one she will be wearing her 10" heels!!!!
      Im working this afternoon, and i have Harry home with me today, no kinder so im sure once i get my backside into gear we will be visiting someone, he loves going for a visit!
      I have been talking to my sister quite a lot lately, we are very close now, which i love and when we get on the phone its always for at least an hour! We never run out of things to say, i know, shocking for me!
      My other sister is coming down from  Darwin for the weekend to see her mother in law who has terminal cancer.  Unfortunately im working for the most of it, but we will catch up.  Her daughter is due for her 2nd child in just under 3 weeks.  We were going to go for a holiday next year, but i think i am going to go up for a few days on my own, i seem to be having trouble working out holidays, so that will be lovely!
      I only have to work 6 more shifts until im on holidays, 1 week to go! As for my first line of my post, i take it back, seems i underestimate my life, i started this post thinking it would be a 1 liner!  Hah, i should know myself better.
      Anyway, no urges of gambling, although it is always in the back of my mind…im sure Mr. addiction is just waiting for me to lower my guard…sorry mate, not happening!!!
      I hope you all have a wonderful day, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22169
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just popping in to say hi hope all is well for you it sounds like you have well and truly got a handle on this gambling demon.  That is so good and such an inspiration to me.  I like your posts.  I keep reading them and i keep going as best i can at the moment just saying thanks for your inspiration
      P

    • #22170
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi (again!) Kathryn,
      To make sure neither of us are offended(!), I thought I’d do you the small courtesy of posting on your thread!!
      No, seriously, I was just wondering how your hubby is getting on?  I remember quite a while ago you mentioned that he quit gambling too.
      Is he still abstaining – I hope it’s going well for him.
      Whatever his decision, he must be very proud of you and your brilliant progress.
      Speak soon,
      S.
       

    • #22171
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Even your hum drum days sound fun.  I’m glad Brea is doing so well.  How’s the little purple petunia?  Is she getting any practice with it?  My grandson called me yesterday.  He said his family is planning another cruise in 2010 and invited me.  I am thinking seriously about going.  I have been on a cruise before, but spent most of the evenings in the casino.  This time I will use him as my barrier if necessary.  Stil in thinking stages though.
      Bye for now……….NancyIf you are not making as much progress as you would like, the key is not to lose any ground.  Don’t go backwards.  Hold your position.  Keep a good attitude and do the right thing even though it is hard.

    • #22172
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn, and it is a good morning here, after about three week of December type weather (but with rain not snow) we have a nice "October" day. It has been raining so much here that the mighty Mississippi has once again flooded the streets bordering our Gateway Arch — this is the eighth time this year that that section of town, and another one up river, has been closed. Too bad(or not) for the gambling boats that I used to visit at those locations, they have to close for a few days.
      Thanks for your reply, it has been a while since we have exchanged post, but I read you often. As for attending or not attending GA meetings, like you say we are all different. I go mainly to strengthen my commitment not to gamble, my effort to go is the reinforcement, not necessary the the step-process or the mandates — I do however come away with a better understanding of my addiction and the knowledge that there are "real" Fellow Gamblers out there that share in being a CG, for this I do recommend it for others to try and will continue my participation.  Like you I find this site, as part of my 3 G’, my strongest influence. 
      My secrets were not secrets per se, only reluctance to how they might encourage others to take some "not-wise" chances.  But as reminded by the Helpline moderator, I need to do what will help me without worrying about the perception of others.  It is a cold remark, but what others think or perceive is their problem.  Each of our postings here, like our attendance at GA meetings, do influence others, but we must do this for ourselves, not our loved ones, families, or friends – in the end they too will benefit in our new being, but not without us acting on our personal need. 
      As for my boast that I am doing good, I am truly thankful that I can humbly make this claim, I have worked hard to achieve it.
      Thanks for listening, and to expand of the GA closing to sharing, I will be back, but not back to gambling.
      Larry

      "Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.– 11/4/2009 10:12:59 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22173
      velvet
      Moderator

      What are spanx pants??????????????????
      V xxxxxx

    • #22174
      handam
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, thanks for the post on my thread. I’m just catching up on people’s threads. I loved your skinny jeans story. You’re very brave; i wouldn’t let one of those young, skinny whipper-snapper sales assistants anywhere near me.
      Keep up the good work.
      Andrea x– 05/11/2009 21:09:52: post edited by handam.

    • #22175
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      You wouldnt read about it, i hurt my back at work last night.  And i still cant work out what i did.  I had given a resident, who was in bed her medication and she was looking for her alarm clock.  I found it on the floor with an unsafe tag on it so i told her she would have to get a new one.  She’s quite deaf and asked me to repeat it.  I leaned over and told her again and when i straightened up…ping…i felt my lower back go.  I could barely move. 
      I have had back problems in the past when i had the kids but have had no problems for a number of years.  It was so out of the blue.  I went and told my Div 1 straight away and filled out an injury form, just to cover myself.  Mind you, the Div 1 didnt tell me to go home, she told another meds nurse to give me a hand.  Was i wild…YES.  She then proceeded to tell me all about her arthritic hips.  I could barely stand up straight by the time i got home.
      It feels a bit better today, i am going to the doctors in an hour, thankfully i have the day off so i will be resting. Im walking like a duck as im terrified i am going to make it worse.  Anyway, ill keep you posted, im very annoyed this has happened, but it has so ill see what the doc says. 
      Take care , bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22176
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      How miserable about your back – I’m so sorry for you.
      I had a bad back for years (off and on).  Basically, it clicked out every now and then, and then the muscles spasmed – and left me totally immobile (it was agony to even try to move).
      But then someone suggested a brilliant osteopath and I’ve never looked back since (though I am physically able to look back!!).  I always confused osteos with chiropractors (the bone-crunchers!), but mine did the trick from the 1st visit.
      I couldn’t believe how subtle the manipulations are – and how immediate the benefits were.
      Sorry, I think you’re a nurse (aren’t you?), so obviously you’ll know about all your options.  But I thought I’d mention this in case it’s something you hadn’t considered.
      Whatever happens, I really hope you get well soon and are as comfortable as possible in the meantime.
      Get well soon!
      Shakey.x.

    • #22177
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn, sorry to hear about your back.  My last back ache came from sitting at the slots for too lone, so use your condition to remind you to stay away – now that their is a weaken area, the slot chairs will just aggravate it more. 
      Of cource now I am subject to Corporal Tunnel Syndrome form sitting at the computer for extended times, but at least I could aford my cushioned mouse pad and keyboard to help prevent it.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22178
      handam
      Participant

      Ohh poor you Kathryn, bad backs are horrible. Hope you recover quickly. Keep gently mobile to stop it from siezing up altogether.
      Paul, you reminded me of when i blamed the computer in work for shoulder pains and RSI (repetitive strain injury). I made a fuss about the position of the screen and the height of the table etc. It was only when i stopped playing the slots (I used to play for hours and hours on end) that the pain stopped………….derrr!!!!! Didn’t make the connection at all. Am I slow or what?!!!!
      Hope you were able to get some rest on your day off, Kathryn.
      xxx

    • #22179
      handam
      Participant

      Ohh poor you Kathryn, bad backs are horrible. Hope you recover quickly. Keep gently mobile to stop it from siezing up altogether.
      Paul, you reminded me of when i blamed the computer in work for shoulder pains and RSI (repetitive strain injury). I made a fuss about the position of the screen and the height of the table etc. It was only when i stopped playing the slots (I used to play for hours and hours on end) that the pain stopped………….derrr!!!!! Didn’t make the connection at all. Am I slow or what?!!!!
      Hope you were able to get some rest on your day off, Kathryn.
      xxx

    • #22180
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Hopefully your back is better today.  It does not take much to throw our backs out if they are weak at the moment.  I too have back problems, but knock on wood, it’s been a while since I was laid up with it.  Now it’s my feet, Planta Fasicitis…very painful and I am in PT for it.  Being on my feet does not help either but I have to work.  Hopefully you and I will be recovery everyday.  Take care and thanks for thinking of me.   Danielle

    • #22181
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i thought i was feeling a little better, i woke up this morning and  was pretty good but as the day goes on its getting sorer.  I think maybe i did too much this morning, so i have taken some medication and im sitting here with the heat on it.  My sister is down from Darwin so i have been sitting with her and mum all morning, which has  been lovely, but proboably not the best thing for my back.
      Anyway, ive still got 3 days off, so ill try and get lots of rest. Its very frustrating but theres not much i can do and i dont want to aggrivate it.  Thank you all for your posts, its really appreciated. Looks like Brea will be hanging out the washing today!!! She is great though, im very lucky.
      No gambling thoughts, im too focused on not making this back any worse.  Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22182
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  Sorry to hear that you’ve hurt your back.  We take our bodies for granted on a daily basis and when it chats back sometimes it’s a real eye-opener.  Hope the meds have well and truly kicked in by the time you read this and that you’re feeling no pain.  Sounds like fun having a good old gab with you Mum and sis … enjoy!!
      While you’re nursing a sore back, I’m managing a bruised ego after another slip.  The only good thing I can say is that these are short-lived, one-night stands, and while damaging, will not break me.  I so need a bit of your backbone right now.  I feel gross.
      On that self-pitying note, I’ll bid adieu and will check in with you again in a few days when I’ve scraped a bit of my dignity off the floor.
      Tentative hugs.
      RG

    • #22183
      marilee
      Participant

      Hi K….sorry you are laid up at the moment.  Back problems are the bane of the modern world it seems.  My doctor "helpfully" suggested that if I was in better shape I wouldn’t have so many problems.  I am typing these words while I am eating the left over Halloween candy, thinking that maybe I’ll go for a walk next spring.  Hmmmpppph, seven years of medical school and he thinks he knows everything,.
      When I was a teenager (I believe that may have even been before you were born), we used to put on our jeans, turn the hose on ourselves, and let the jeans dry while we were wearing them.  They shrunk to perfection around our bodies, but we had difficulty sitting and walking (also breathing, eating and going to the bathroom were difficult).  So I appreciate you trying the skinny jeans, but quite seriously, if an 18 year old told me to get on my knees and bend backwards, I’d ask for the money up front.   That show wouldn’t come for free.
      Not sure if you replied to Velvet about what Spanx are….so let me give it my best shot.  You put on a large elastic bandage, and resemble a ten pound sausage in a five pound casing.  I live in terror that my Spanx will spring a leak and I’ll explode all over the room.  (Carl, if you’re reading this, look away).
      As always, it’s so fun to read about your life.  Take care!
      (PS when I was young and there was a thunder & lightening storm, my Grandmother always told me that God was bowling.  It seemed like a rather undignified sport for such an important deity.)

    • #22184
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Thanks so much for the support, you have no idea, you are like a little angel!  Thank you thank you be in touch soon
      P

    • #22185
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  I hope your back is feeling better.  At least you have 3 days off to rest up.  It must be lovely to spend time with your mom and sister.  I  have 4 brothers and no sisters.  Hope you enjoy your weekend.  Husband and I are going to a hotel and spa for the weekend.  I have all day Saturday to pamper myself as he is on a one day fishing trip.  The spa services are very expensive, but I might just splurge alittle………..NancyIf you are not making as much progress as you would like, the key is not to lose any ground.  Don’t go backwards.  Hold your position.  Keep a good attitude and do the right thing even though it is hard.

    • #22186
      p
      Participant

      Thanks for the support
      Half way through day one ye hooo

    • #22187
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Ms. K:  Hope you are feeling MUCH better by the time you read this and you are not still doubled over in pain.  At the very least, I hope you have some great drugs to manage this thing until you see your doctor again.  Thanks, as always, for your words of support and wisdom.  I apologize for the lurid "one-night-stand" visuals I provided, but it’s fitting, don’t you think?
      Yesterday (Friday) passed quickly and I got right back on track.  What a difference a day makes. Just a day earlier, I was running back and forth getting money to "play" … doing my usual budget "shuffle", hoping that I wouldn’t be found out. (In the end I admitted all to hubby though.) It was exhausting … and absolutely no fun!!! *I started Friday feeling quite unwell (after effects of the flu) and mentally beaten.  Dropped kids off, walked the dog, then took some meds and went right back to sleep.  It was just what the doctor ordered.  
      I want to say that I am back on track for the next 100 days, but I know better than that, so I am celebrating just this one day because I didn’t gamble.  So, here we go again.
      If we’re to go by your signature slogan, I must be living up a storm, LOL!!!  (‘getting up is living!")
      Anyway, Aussie girl, take good care of yourself and try to have a relaxing weekend.
      Talk soon.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22188
      meglee
      Participant

      Hey OZ
      Hows the back today?! I truly hope it is easing for you. Gotta get in tip-top shape for a good boogie in sydney eh!!!???
      It was lovely to chat last night (as always) and i hope you are having a good weekend with mum and sis!
      Love, light and BIG hugs
      Meg xxxxx
      P.S. – marilee, You crack me up! i LOVED the story about shrinking the jeans with garden hose (god that must’ve felt hideous!). Sadly they dont make denim like they did in the good old days though eh. Back then denim lasted for years!! As for the sausage casing/explosion theory. WELL!!!! I nearly wet my spanx pants! LOL. xxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22189
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, having a sore back has done wonders for my social life!!! I blame all on my sister, who is a very bad influence, but i had to write about my day yesterday, it was a hoot!
      Ok, so firstly, the birthday party, Harry’s little kinder friend had a McDonalds party, all lovely and good, he had a great time, i went and visited my other sister while he was there, dip, cheese…yum.
      I got home and had to head straight back in to drop Brea at a friends, i am such a good mother!!!! When i got home Jen (my sister)wanted to go to the pub for a beer, i wasnt really fussed but rang Jode and we headed down for ‘an hour’.  As it was a hot day, it was beautiful sitting on the balcony with a vodka, now im not a big drinker at all, but in the 3 hours i was there i had a whole 4 drinks.  So we had one lady come for a chat, im not even going to go into what she was saying about her thongs and what they did for her,she is the most manly woman i have ever met, loud and crude and swears like a trooper, needless to say i was horrified, i couldnt look at her and i couldnt stop laughing.  On the way home i asked Jode if she wanted to come for a coffee.  She is going to a show today and said she had better go home and be the ‘good wife’, as she will be gone all day today (you know what i mean) .  I got home and snuck in the house, everyone was asleep, so i turned on the hall light…and woke up Dames.  That wasnt bad, but then i got into bed and elbowed him in the head, he’s so not impressed at this stage.  Then i get a message on  my phone from Jode…she will kill me if i tell you what it said, but it was hysterical.  I was laying in bed, laughing my head off, Damian is screaming at me to get out, to which i couldnt as my back was sore and i had just got comfortable.
      It was a great night, i had a ball and my back is not too bad today, mind you i wasnt boogying around or anything.
      I have been laughing all morning, although at the moment, Bailey has just gone to his friends and Harry is on the floor bawling his head off…as soon as i get out of earshot he screams louder!!!! Oh the joys!!!
      So, as for gambling, no worries there, i have had so much going on and im still bent over so i havent had time to think about it, although i have been reading a lot this weekend.
      My sister leaves tomorrow, im sure Damian will be pleased as i will be home.  He is fishing at the moment, his boat got a hole in it yesterday, but he had it welded up…$100 later, i could give him a bucket for $1 and he could just bail the water out!!!!!
      So i hope you have all had a great weekend, i sure have, even with this back problem!!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22190
      kathryn
      Participant

      Sorry, just a note for those of you who dont know what a thong is, its like a flip flop..i just realised you may be thinking of the underwear kind!!  lolLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22191
      p
      Participant

      You are such a cack!  Thanks for all your time and posts.  That was so funny about the thongs and elbowing your hubby in the head.  You should do a comedy skit!!  cya soon
      p

    • #22192
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i just said goodbye to my sister, i proboably wont see her for another 6 months but we spent some great time together, its always like i just saw her yesterday.
      Jode and i are in talks about going up there next July, for a 4 day weekend, to see the baby (my neices), what a good excuse…we are still in the pipeline but im pretty positive we will go.
      I am taking Brea to the dentist shortly…she lost a filling on Thursday.  Thank god i have the money to pay.  Colin, you are right, it is these small things that mean the most.  I know we joked on your thread about the dentist but it is so true.
      I too am off to the Doctors this afternoon.  My back still isnt right, and whilst its a lot better i dont fancy standing up for 5 hours tomorrow, i can go about half an hour and then i need to sit down, so hopefully he will give me another certificate.  Im just not prepared to risk it when it is still sore. My abs (i know they are there somewhere) are really sore too, i think im overcompensating.  Anyway, ill see how i go.  I think its at about 70% right. So i just need a few more days of resting it.  I am not having a bad back in Sydney…no way!
      Anyway, i hope you are all having a good gamble free day, i had better go, we are just about to leave.  Poor Brea, she has an exam tomorrow, i hope the tooth is ok.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22193
      marilee
      Participant

      Thank you so much for the clarification about the thongs….I have had to train myself to say "flip flop" now, but as kids that’s all we called our little rubber shoes (which I still have an undying love for).  I was trying to picture why a manly woman would be telling you about her underwear.  My thoughts were going in a terrible direction.  I was trying to think if perhaps the four drinks to a non-drinker were somehow manufacturing what happened, but funny, I can actually see the scenario going on at your little party.
      But really, you need to think about giving your long-suffering husband a special gift (I know, with your bad back and all, it will probably just have to be candy).  Waking him up, elbowing him in the head, laughing like a hyena while he’s trying to sleep….you had better pony up for the $100 weld job and just shut up. 
      You make me want to be there with you, cavorting about and laughing about everything.  Take care, hope the back gets better ASAP.

    • #22194
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thanks Marilee, what a crack up you are.  Thanks for your post.  Well i got a call from the woman who, at work organises the workplace injury stuff.  She was really rude to me, they are very good at trying to make you feel guilty.  I had already made a doctors appointment today as i woke up this morning and knew that i would not be able to push that trolley tomorrow.
      So i am now off for the rest of the month…i only had 2 more days of work, then annual leave so i have lots of time to recouperate. The doctor was lovely, i told him about my phone call and he said that he hated dealing with them too. I now have to fill out 500 forms about it all, what fun!
      Well Breas trip to the dentist was a costly one, $266 to be exact…for just 1 tooth!!!  You know when you are standing there and they tell you the cost and you have to try really hard to stop your jaw hitting the floor?  That was me!  Oh well, at least i could pay…we have to go again next monday, but this filling she had today was a whopper, they should get cheaper from now on.
      Its really hot here, in the mid 30c all week, we have gone from really cold last week to boiling.  This weather is unreal!
      Anyway, i hope you all have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22195
      female g
      Participant

      just wanted you to know i have been reading your wonderful posts and they really speak volumes.  you are well respected and loved for sure and you sure do have a great sense of humour that is refreshing when things get abit too stressful.  hope the backs gets better quickly. been there and there isn’t anything that ist more painful. rest up on your time off G

    • #22196
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ok, i had a thought tonight on group, its a bit soppy but i thought it was a beautiful thought and wanted to share….
      I am thinking that this site is a garden.  And we are the flowers, all in different stages of bloom.  Some are buds, struggling towards the light, some are just starting to open, a little more each day, and some are in full bloom, enjoying the day and the sunshine. 
      I think our boys on the helpline are the gardners, tending to us when we need them (imagine Tim and Harry in overalls!!) .
      Anyway, i just wanted to share my thoughts with you,  i found it to be very comforting.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22197
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Just read your post on Gardening and had to think of cat1177 , "Courious Cat" and her closing "Bloom where you are planted".  I posted a copy of your thoughts to her in case she still visits this site.
      Your analogy also reminded me of an old movie favorite om mine "Our Vines Have Tender Grapes", where the theme is about the care we need in growing up, or in our case, our re-growth.
       Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22198
      britt
      Participant

      Thanks Kathryn for your uplifting post on my thread.  I needed to hear it.  I like your post about the garden.  I am definitely a bud opening up.  These are difficult circumstances and I will struggle though.

    • #22199
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  I’m just a rough and bumpy old brown bulb right now … but I have potential!!!  Hope all is well with you and that you’re enjoying long and gorgeous sunny spring days.  Thinking about Xmas trees now, can’t wait …
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22200
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I wrote a post earlier and my screen froze….bugger.  So ill try again.
      Today was Harry’s first school orientation.  It was gorgeous, he was so cute, all those kids sitting cross legged on the floor looking up at the teacher.  It would have bought a tear to my eyes, but i was more excited than he was!!!
      All the mothers were sent into the staffroom for a meeting, in which we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves, i absolutely loathe that so i went first so i could get it over and done with.  In the course of the chat, it was brought up many times about community, the closeness of the students and the huge involvement of the family.  Now, i was feeling very guilty….school time has always been my gambling time.  I have thought a lot about it this afternoon, and, i have never ever done one thing at that school…..NEVER.  So, next year i am going to join in a little bit.  Im not really a ‘school mum’, but im sure there are quite a few things i can be involved in.  They have a breakfast club, im sure i can go a couple of days and help with that.  They are always looking for help with this and that.  Now im not gambling, i can give my time to them, after all, i work evenings, what am i going to do all day.
      I have also found out that there is yoga and tai chi on in a little hall just up the road from me.  It has been going for years apparently, im going to try it out as soon as my back is better, which should be next week.  I think it will be good for strengthening my back and filling in some more time.
      I took the boys to the beach tonight.  It has been hot here all week, with more to come and i decided to take them down after dinner.  It was magnificent, the sand was so soft, the water was as clear as anything, the sky was every shade of pink, just glorious.  The boys had a great time, we were there about 45 minutes when the mosquitoes decided to crash our party.  They were horrific, they were attacking from every side, we had to do a runner to the car and of course i had left my window open…..MORE MOZZIES.
      I have bites all over my legs, the boys were ok as they were running around and the buggers couldnt catch them.  Poor mum with her sore back couldnt run anywhere.
      So we came home, the boys had a shower and told me what fun they had, it was worth the scratching and itching!!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22201
      flowers
      Participant

         dear kathyn isnt life moments so special without gambling your life not just passing by, keep it up your doing great
                       flowers
                    

    • #22202
      kathryn
      Participant

      Today i have not gambled for 5 months, 154 days to be exact!
      I see something good in every single day. Thank you all for supporting me through this, i could never have achieved it without you.  As always, today is just another gamble free day for me, but its nice to count the milestones!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22203
      missingme
      Participant
    • #22204
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hello Kathryn:  Aaaaarrghhh!!  I envy you!  First and foremost for the fact that you’re so close to the ocean … how I wish …  Then that you’re just entering summer … I know, I know, we just finished ours, but it was a very poor substitute for summer with floods of rain.  And finally … FIVE WHOLE MONTHS … seems like a lifetime to me now.  Although, I did have a good streak going there for a while. 
      I’m kidding (mostly ) … you’ve done wonderfully well … congratulations, I am very proud of you.  Keep up the good work and suck up all the sunshine you can … so that we can live vicariously through you.
      Hugs.
      RG This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22205
      vera
      Participant

      Congrats on your 5 month G-free time Kathryn…..You should be really really proud. When are you going to Sydney. Look my daughter up. She’s in Glebe and works with Drake Nursing Agency…….Got a back pay from the Revenue don’t know why! guess what cute kid did with it,,,, ???? You Got it in one….PUT IT IN THE BANK! Got over a grand sitting there now. I’ll be too mean to put petrol in the car soon…………. my son’s 21 is coming up. Planning but with a heavy heart in case he doesn’t bother turning up, in case NOBODY turns up….EEEEKK !!! I ll be cleaning the house like a fanatic over the next few weeks on my days off…Got to go Hearing HURRY UP WILL YOU BE LONG HURRY UP…..Sort of a MANTRA !all the sevens

    • #22206
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi Kathryn
      5 months, What a fantastic achievement … You’ve worked so hard to get here, you really are a credit to yourself and an inspiration to others.
      Well done K….. keep up your awareness of whats good for you..
      Take Care
      H"Occasionally it’s wise to doubt our doubts, to question our questions, and to re-think our thoughts."

    • #22207
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      Today i have not gambled for 5 months, 154 days to be exact!
      Life is about falling….living is about getting up!
      Well done.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22208
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      it was good fun chatting with you in group last night.  Thank-you for your words of encouragement, it means a lot.
      and Wohooo a big congratulations on your five month mile stone.  Be so proud of yourself.  Who better than us here to know what an accomplishment that truly is.  And as you say, one day at a time.  May today be another day filled with special moments, big or small, and sunsets at the beach.
      I live near the beach as well, although I am entering the winter season here.  There is something about the surf, the sea air and the crys of the seabirds that can be so cleansing. 
      I see myself in your flower garden as a seed that has just sprouted.  I am trying to put down roots and send a shoot towards the sun.  It takes a lot of energy at that point, but I have hope that some day I will be an open flower soaking up the sun.
      Take care Kathryn, keep up the good work.  I think your ideas about joining a fitness program and spending some time at the school are very healthy positive steps.  You can do it!
      Laura

    • #22209
      howanan
      Participant

      HI Kathryn,  Gret on the 5 months.  I am so happy for you.  And I really liked your post on the flower garden.  Thank you so much for always taking the time to post on my thread.  I think you are a wonderful person and I admire you.  I am glad you are enjoying your summer.  Nancy

    • #22210
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Marcus just made and interesting point on his thread about wanting to lose, and i wanted to explore it a little further.  That remark really hit home for me this morning, i had forgotten, putting in note after note, wanting to win, but in reality just wanting to be rid of this money so i could go home, so i could be free from it.  And then the cycle would start again the next day.  Where i am, depending on the season, the venue closes from between 1am and 3am.  I called it my panic poke, once they said the time they were closing, i would run around like a lunatic, shoving money in wherever i could, because there would only be half an hour or so left.
      My adrenalin would be rushing through my body, only a little more time to win big!  And then it would be time to leave, with nothing of course….
      Its a great reminder of the insane nature of this addiction, like when you think a machine is ‘lucky’.  Or god forbid, there is a new machine i had never seen, i was on it like a seagull to a chip!
      All i can say now, is that i dont feel that way today.  I know, that i cant gamble today and if i do, i would imagine it would be 10 times worse.
      Better go, my bestie is here for coffee.  Have a great day all, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22211
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, i had a real up and down day today.  This morning i dropped the boys off and went to Jodes for a coffee.  Then came home and Jode rang me to go and have coffee at one of my old workmates, which by the was was lovely.  Came home, ran around hung out washing, dishes etc and then i babysat Jodies littlest boy, hes just over 1 and absolutely gorgeous. He was as good as gold, Jode got her hair done.
      Ok, thats the little pidly things out of the way, not that the baby is pidly of course!!! I went to pick up Bailey from school, only to be met by his teacher, he isnt doing his work…grrrr.  That boy is so hard to motivate!  Anyway, Bailey was sobbing, it was a bit distressing really although Mr gorgeous teacher was really nice.  We decided to have a better structure for him at home, i went and bought a big whiteboard and we are going to make a list of things he can do at home to help with his concentration. 
      I then had to pick up Brea from her exam, on the way home she asked me about the dog.  Now, she has been wanting 1 for about 2 years and i keep saying no because i know what will happen,  it will be my dog and in truth, im not really a dog person, love cats, but not dogs. She will be off at work, at uni, living her life and the poor little dog will be stuck with me…the cat lover.  So i said, for the 5 millionth time….no.  And she has cracked it with me big time.  Isnt it interesting, we bought her a car, im taking her to Sydney, we have given her that much money this year, and yet, she is still going on about the dog.  I am sticking to my guns on this one, when she moves out, she can get heaps of dogs.
      Then Dames came home from work, his boss was meant to drop his pay at home but hadnt, so of course that was my fault.  He called me a very nasty name and stormed out.   I had a big urge to gamble. It took me by surprise, that feeling of really wanting to go, being so angry at him, wanting to zone out.  My self exclusion, thankfully prevented me from doing so.  It went away after a little while.  Interesting though, when he came home i mentioned to him about us rearranging our bedroom so we could put the tv in there….low and behold, half an hour later, it was done, bed moved, tv in place and the carpet vaccumed (it was horrendous under our bed, i cant get in there with the vaccum cleaner) and this man does not vaccum…EVER!
      Actions speak louder than words sometimes.  
      Anyway, i hope you have a great, gamble free day.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22212
      female g
      Participant

      congrats wow to the big five well done girl well done!!!!!  the story about when the casino shutting down for a few hrs really rang bells for me |I remember doing the same thing trying to get a win before it was too late and i would have to leave and there were a few times when i rushed back the next morning to try to get on the same machine before anyone else had a chance to win the money i had put in nuts eh!!! thank god i don’t do that anymor that was complete insanity. G

    • #22213
      handam
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I’m so glad your barriers worked. You got through the urges and came out without gambling…..well done. I know that us devious cg’s can find ways around the barriers but you DIDN’T. WELL DONE.
      You are right to stand your ground about the dog. I love my old dog loads but i won’t have another one when she’s gone (she’s 18). They are hard work and tie you down. I am more of a cat person, although i love all animals. I want a kitten but hubby doesn’t. I may just ‘find’ a poor little lost kitten someday. Cats are a lot less work than dogs, far more independent.
      Keep up the good work.
      ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
      Andrea x

    • #22214
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Ms. K:  Thank you for sharing your rollercoaster day.  It’s what makes our lives interesting, isn’t it.  Although I know at the time it doesn’t feel like it. 
      Good on you for holding firm on the dog issue.  I am a massive animal lover.  My gorgeous dog is one of my children.  He’s a massive brute — great Dane and yellow lab mix, but he is totally my baby.    Getting a dog should not be an emotional decision.  Too many people like the idea of puppies, by not the poopy, pukey issues that may come along with them.  And then, of course, there is the cost.  It costs me about $120 a month to feed and house my dog and guinea pigs and to feed the local squirrels, chipmunks and rabbits that visit my backyard daily. Nothing to sneeze at!  (My niece says my squirrels look like dogs, they’re so fat!!!)j  I’ve been serious thinking about feeding the raccoons at night, but we’ve had warnings of coywolves in our neighbourhood and have been warned not to leave food outside at night.
      About Bailey … just wondering whether you asked Mr Gorgeous whether it was possible to do an educational assessment on him?  May just be that people need to figure out his learning style to stoke his love of learning.  I had to do that with my oldest one when he was six.  We figured out what the issues were and he’s doing great now.  He absolutely loves school.  What a great Mom you are though for setting up a program at home.  Consistency is absolutely the key with boys.  They learn so very differently to girls.
      Anway, great going on squashing those urges!  I’ve had some today too … kinda ticked at hubby too.  After a great deal of pouting, threatening and grousing, I think I’ve finally lit the fire enough for him to paint the lower level of my house tomorrow.  By bloody time too!!
      Will chat with you soon.  Hope to see you in Tuesday’s chat if you’re around.
      Hugs.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22215
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a great day today, it was meant to be 34, so Jode and i had decided to take the boys to an aquatic centre.  We had heard it was really good….my goodness they were right.  It didnt get to 34 by the way, but we went anyway.  This place was amazing, 4 pools, a great big kids area with waterslide, hoses, all sorts of stuff, it was brilliant.  We all had a ball! Me and my 2 boys and Baileys mate cost me a whole $11.  What a bargain.  They swam and played for 2 hours.  I was hoping they would be asleep by now, alas, no luck, but im not too far off hitting the pillow!
      Now, i have a question for the ladies, it has nothing to do with gambling but its for my friend Jode, i told her i would ask for some advice on here.  Sorry if anyone cracks it, but we only have each others opinion and outside views are definitely needed here so here goes:
      Jode is a bridesmaid in her brothers wedding, there are 4 bridesmaids.  A couple of girls went in to have a look at dresses last week and the bride decided she really liked them and took Jode in last night to try it on.  It was absolutely hideous (she sent me a picture), one of the most unflattering dresses i have ever seen, satin to boot so its nice and clingy on the blubbery bits.  The bride decided Jode looked good in it (she has to be blind).  Now, Jode is devastated and doesnt want to be in the wedding as she feels she will be humiliated..(she really didnt want to be in it in the first place but felt she had to say yes)  She has hinted to the bride about the dress, but the bride is obviously ignoring it as she has decided that is the one.  We believe that the bride really didnt care, she just wanted to get the dress picked so she would not have to worry about it anymore.  The other bridesmaids dont look too flash either mind you, but they are all in their mid 20’s. What does she do, tell the bride the truth and try to get the dress changed, try to get out of the wedding alltogether, or bite the bullet and wear the dress?
      Any advice would be apprecieated, sorry its non gambling but i thought someone may have been in this situation before.  Anyway, as for me, no gambling today, i can barely keep my eyes open, and these boys are hysterically laughing on the lounge room floor watching some movie.  Damian is off fishing very early tomorrow, i want to try and get some groceries done at some stage, apart from that, a pretty lazy day…oh, i do have another basket of ironing to tackle..sigh!
      Take care all, enjoy your weekend, only 5 more sleeps till Sydney!!!
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxxxxxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22216
      flowers
      Participant

          have your friend tell the bride shes not comfartable wearing that dress and she would understand if she choose someone else who would be better suited for that paticular dress heres to gamble free day
             flowers– 11/14/2009 12:12:07 PM: post edited by Flowers.

    • #22217
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      wow, the dress issue is quite the spot to be stuck in.  I didn’t have a clue what to suggest.  Flowers idea seems to be quite insightful.  She could perhaps suggest too that the camera will pick up all sorts of things that the plain eye doesnt see and that she doesn’t want to ruin the photos.  Of course, I’m usually a person who tries to put the blame or the problem back on myself, so as not to offend the other person.  Hmm, something to work on I see.
      Glad to see you had a good day with the kids.  I too am cherishing the small things these days, inbetween my moments of terror.  It must be wonderful to have the support of your husband.  At least there is the opportunity there to work on the annoyances of the relationship.  We all have our ups and downs in marriage. 
      Sweet dreams K, see you soon.
      Laura

    • #22218
      marilee
      Participant

      Okay, trying to catch up with your thread.  I may need a nap afterwards.  You have SO much going on girl.  So, in case I forget at the end, congratulations on reaching five months.  I think you must be quite the formidable lady, because when you set out to do something, you really do it.  Here’s your Superstar award for the day!
      Now, the bridesmaid issue.  I think everyone in the world has a hideous bridesmaid story.  Mine was many years ago (fashions do change, but taste does not).  My friend decided to have the bridesmaid’s dresses made for us.  She knew exactly what she wanted.  Enter 20 yards of baby blue polyester.  The kind that would snag on a piece of pollen floating by in the air.  The dress was in two pieces.  The first piece was a floor length tube with elastic around the waist.  Quite lovely and flattering.  The second was a sack with holes for your head and arms, and elastic around the waist.  The outfit was completed by a lovely white "picture" hat (if you don’t know what those are, thank your lucky stars) with stunning fake blue flowers glued on it.  You cannot even begin to imagine how dreadful these outfits were.  To top it all off, the armholes were so large that if you moved your arm your bra showed.  I had the good sense to buy a new one for the wedding, the other bridesmaids wore their raggly old ones, which made every movement kind of disturbing.  Hours and hours in the hot sun in baby blue polyester, which does not breathe well, itching and sweating and afraid to move in case I "flashed" some old man.  The moral of this story?  I put this hideous outfit on, put a smile on my face, and enjoyed the day (except for the part where I ended up in the hospital….but that’s another story for another day).  It was HER day, and if she wanted me to look like that, then I was going to look like that.  Most of the guests at the wedding came up to me and said "nice outfit" before dissolving into fits of laughter.  Everyone knew that I didn’t choose that outfit.  But it made the bride happy, gave her no stress before, during or after the wedding, and it was one day of my life.   So my vote is for Jode to get as big a size as possible so the blubbery bits aren’t popping out, and pretend that she’s the Queen of England, walking tall and doing the royal wave. 
      You’re going to get a lot of comments on this topic!  Now, for the tiff with Dames, and the desire to run out and gamble.  I just want to say that I think CGs have forgotten that it’s okay to escape sometimes.  It’s just that we always associate escaping with gambling.  There are all kinds of people that hop in the car and go for a drive, go for coffee, go shopping, walk the beach when they want to escape.  There are always going to be situations in life where we are pi$$ed off.  So, make an "escape" plan.  Where will you go, and what will you do when you inevitably run up against something in the future that makes you want to temporarily escape?
      On the gambling front, I absolutely love your description of what we look like 1/2 hour before closing.  I was the same.  When I think about gambling, I try to think of that last 1/2 hour, and the long walk to the car when the doors closed.  I must have looked like a mad woman, but so did others there.  Nobody but CGs are left in a casino at 3 a.m. on a Tuesday.  I was shocked when I moved back home and found they were open 24 hours a day.  I’ve told this story before – the security guard at one of the casinos told me that people wear Depends so that they don’t have to leave their machine.  Thank God I stopped before that happened to me.  Now I’ll just wear Depends when I need to – which hopefully won’t be for a decade or two.
      Okay, must go, but wanted to wade in with my congratulations on your great achievement.  Thanks, as always, for the brightest way to start my day!

    • #22219
      danielle
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Your doing so great.  Five months and no slips…that’s just amazing and you should treat yourself to something really nice.
      The bridesmaids dresses…that’s a tough one.  I used to cut down my bridesmaids dresses and make them over after the wedding and wear them again.  If it were me, I would make suggestions but ultimately it’s up to the bride.  It sounds like she doesn’t want to be in the wedding.  It should be an honor to be asked to be in a wedding but sounds like her heart is not in it.  Maybe she should just say no and make is easy on every-one.  Well, things will work out one way or another. 
      Take care Kathryn..Danielle

    • #22220
      sherry123
      Participant

      Congratulations on 5 months!  WONDERFUL!!!
      I’ve made up my mind for the rest of my life if anyone asks me to be a bridesmaid or maid of honor I will politely decline.  The last wedding I was in was 12 years ago.  I was in shape and at a good weight (what happened to me?).  The bride picked out a dark purple satin (I think all bridesmaid dresses are made of non-giving material so you never look better than the bride).  Those dresses are at least two sizes smaller than they say (again…so you never look better than the bride) so I ordered mine 2 sizes up and I am so glad I did because it was still snug.  And to top it off, every wedding I have been in we paid for our own dresses…and we never wore them again.  Poor Jude.  Is it too late to back out as bridesmaid? I heard of a wedding where the bride told the girls what color she wanted them to wear and they all picked out their own dresses. Guess there were a couple of long dresses and a couple of short dreses but they were all the same color.
      I loved ‘panic poke’.  That’s a great description of our actions at closing time.  I’ve been there many times!

    • #22221
      kathryn
      Participant

      Wow,
      Thank you all so much for your replies, i will definitely pass them on to Jode.  I actually agreed with Marilee and told her that i think she needs to wear the dress, its the brides day, but she is so upset about it, and rightfully so.  There are extenuating circumstances…her step mother (imagine Jode is Cinderella) has threatened her with death if she breathes a word, and i think her brother (who is younger) will be very upset with her.  The wedding is in April next year and i think her life wont be worth living in her family if she backs out. My advice was to get into the best shape she can (she is currently going to a personal trainer) and wear the dress, smile and pretend all is well.  I dont think there is anything else she can do.  Its an awful situation, one that i wouldnt want to be in.  There was talk before the actual picking of the dresses that involved descriptions of small sleeves, long lengths, a more flattering design for the girls (Jode isnt the only one who looks awful in the dress, ive seen photos) but the bride decided on these ones.  The color is lovely, but the style….eeek.
      Anyway, thank you all so much, i was gobsmacked when i got up this morning to all those replies.
      Have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22222
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Good call, K.  I agree, she should work her ass off to be in great shape, do her hair and makeup beautifully, and practice the mantra "Princesses are ALWAYS pretty!!!" and she’ll be just fine.
      I too had an experience like this one not too long ago.  Unfortunately, I took the road less travelled and caused World War 3 in my family.  My niece asked me to be maid of honor at her wedding. It was an honor and in the heat of the moment, I said yes.  But then reality hit.  I had just had my second son and was MORE than a little bit lumpy.  She started sending all the dress ideas via e-mail and I became more and more panicked!!  I couldn’t handle the whole sausage squeezing into the too small casing thing. And, I was tired … exhausted from lack of REM sleep … and she was beginning to look like a bit like Bridezilla. So, I took a huge breath … and backed out as gently as I could!
      Long story short, she is still not speaking to me today, even though the marriage has ended.  The issue brought out a side of her I had never seen, so I’m really not all that heart-broken.  This is a girl for whom I had done a million things … who could rely on me more than she could her mother.  I tried to explain that I really was honored, but that it was a really challenging time in my life … but no go.  So …. unless Jode wants to face that kind of wrath, I suggest she go the "grin-and-bear-it route.
      That’s my two cents for today.  Cleaning like a mad woman and am just about to settle down to help my youngest with his project for school. 
      Talk soon.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22223
      howanan
      Participant

      My daughter was asked to be matron of honor at her cousins wedding along with her daughter who was 18.  The 18 year old picked out the dresses.  They were cranberry satin an dvery low cut plus sleeveless and strapless.  Now my daughter is very, very, very, big busted.  we kept waiting for the dress to fall off.  It was horrible.  She hated it, but she wore it for her cousin.  But she survived to tell about it . lol   Nancy

    • #22224
      vera
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn ! My thoughts on Brea and the dog; could it be that she is doing the “testing 1,2, 3” that she didn’t get the chance to do when you were absent from her earlier life? As for the bridesmaid dresses,there’s nothing worse than wearing something you feel uncomfortable in, no matter WHAT the occasion…..It always shows!all the sevens

    • #22225
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I would like to register a formal complaint.  I have not seen an update from you for November 15!!! What’s up with that?   I have become accustomed to knowing exactly what is going on downunder every minute, so please get on ASAP and update me on your day.  It’s like my daily newspaper with my coffee. 
      A day without Kathryn is like a day without sunshine!
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22226
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      RG, that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me….THANKS!  Ok, well, hmmmm, yesterday was quite an ordinary day, unless you count grocery shopping!  Although i did go and visit Jode (who by the way is going to wear the dress) and mum and my sister came down.  She has decided she is going to stay at our house christmas eve, all her kids are grown and she wants to wake up with my kids to which i am thrilled.  I think we will have a great time as we have a big chrissy eve with the extended family so it will be lovely for her to come and have a sleepover!  We are going to a show tomorrow night, its called ‘busting out’ and its everything boobs.  From what ive seen its hysterical. We are having chinese food first…yum.
      I actually think im going to give my skinny jeans their first outing…i need to wear them in a little bit and theres nothing like a tummy full of chinese to do that!!!!
      I took Brea back to the dentist today, she had a hole in her tooth right at the front which has been causing her some embaressment as people have always told her she has something in her teeth!!! I have let it go for years, which is absolutely disgusting on my behalf.  We did go last week for the big filling that needed to be done.  Well, you should see her smile.  The dentist did an amazing job, it looks perfect, she has naturally straight teeth, thankfully, so now she doesnt have to cover up that beautiful smile anymore.
      I think she has given up on the dog idea, at long last.  Vera, you may be right, but i think she simply doesnt like not getting her own way for once.  I always overcompensated because of my absence and she ‘expects’ now.  She did go and see Jode and when Jode pointed out that we had bought her a car and im taking her to Sydney she said "well i didnt ask to go".  That really hurt my feelings, but i havent said anything to her, im not going to start an arguement, and besides, Jode gave her a mouthful and then she said she didnt mean it.  TEENAGERS!!!
      Anyway thats about it, im getting Brea to colour my hair for me tonight, and i am going to do the board for the boys.  Bailey got all his work done on the weekend (after much badgering) but his teacher was really pleased so i guess i have to keep on him and when im at work, Damian will have to do it!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22227
      meglee
      Participant

      Hey K
      Hows that new hair do looking babe?! Wow, what with your new hair, two perfectly shaped eyebrows (as opposed to one LOL), AND your skinny jeans……..Sydney just wont know what hit it!!!!! Britney can just exit-stage left, while the spotlight shines on our kathryn! OOOH you must be so excited. I;m excited for you!
      Good on you for getting bailey sorted with his school work. Wont mr gorgeous be proud of you!? haha. (ok enough said by me bout teachers, we’ll keep THAT to ourselves LOL).
      God i so feel for Jode with the wedding debacle! I am always so glad to receive a wedding invitation, as a guest, just to know i can wear whatever i damn well want! What is it with some brides who choose hideous and unflattering outfits? i’m sure there must be some weird psychology behind the phenomenon, but i’m blowed if i know what it is!!
      Sadly, i think my advice to her would be ‘suck it all in baby, suck it up, and wear the damn dress with a sense of humour, and a very large glass of gin and tonic on the side!!!’ (think patsy. Abfab. She wore some godawful outfits but she was always hysterically glamourous and gorgeous despite all that satin/chintz/lycra) Much love jodes.xxxx
      Thanks for your lovely post on my thread chook. I am accepting of what ‘just IS’. its all about serenity isn’t it.
      However, i fully reserve the right to completely change my attitude and outlook, at the first sign of this woman getting involved in my childrens lives and messing with their heads. serenity could all go out the window! haha. (i hope not! will keep you posted)
      Big big hugs, hope the hair didnt fall out.
      Love and light
      Meg xxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22228
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I have just read about you getting your hair done on Meg’s thread so I popped over to ask ‘what colour?’ (I have 3 colours at the moment). I have now read Meg’s final paragraph to you about chucking serenity out of the window – I might have to return and edit what I have written to her!
      I have just re-read that last paragraph and I wish to establish that I know you did not get your hair done ‘on’ Meg’s thread because that would be pushing cyber space too far but I hope you will accept this grammatical error and read on.
      Poor Jode – a dilemma indeed!   I have never been a bridesmaid.   A pause here for you to go ‘ahhhhhhh’………… .  The bride always carries the blame for the bridesmaid’s dresses so I am sure that everybody will just see the person that is Jode and not think that she had a choice in the dress.   With a big smile she will look great. Cinderella was the most beautiful after all.   
      I am sure, with you as a friend; she must have a sense of humour.  (Why does that sound rude?)   Perhaps she could carry a placard saying ‘I am only wearing this for a dare’.   Did you say the wedding was on April 1st?
      I saw some wedding photos recently where it was difficult to work out which slipped off first – the bride’s dress, her mascara, her shoes or her tiara. I don’t know how she squeezed her medium sized body into a size Zero but she obviously felt the need to escape the restraint as the evening wore on.  She was happy though and she made those who were around her smile – who could ask for anything more?   
      Well the rain has stopped so I will depart and do some chores. ‘tis Monday and as always you have brightened my day. As I do the dreaded ironing I will think of Runninggirl cleaning like a mad woman. Every single item I drag onto the ironing board convinces me that I must be mad – everything will be back soon waiting to be ironed again – where is the sense in that?
      Loads of Love to you and the best of British to Jode xx
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #22229
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i have a few things on today, doctors appt first to get a clearance letter for work, my back is back to normal so thats a good thing.  I dont go back until the 30th anyway, so i thought id get it done today and its over with.
      Harry has ‘special persons’ week at kinder this week.  I have found it to be a bit of a pain. Firstly, he didnt invite me, im either not special enough or too special…im taking the latter.  I am going to do kinder duty next week so that will be my special persons day.  I think its a lot of pressure, its over 2 days and i cant bear the thought of every other child having someone there except him so i have done a roster.  Mum, Brea and Damian today, and my sister and Jode on Thursday…i call it tag teaming.  He is really excited about it, mind you, he is still in bed which is unusual for him but the old saying applies..let sleeping dogs lie.
      Tonight i have my show with my big sis, so that will be fun, we always have a good time together, she is quite a hoot.  Brea has her last exam this morning…food technology.  I thought that ‘cooking’ would be so easy but if you saw the work she has done this year it is extrodinary.  Its all about the make up of the food, how it works, her favourite was when they had 2 chocolate bars, one was 50%less fat and they had to eat it and talk about the differences.  Is she her mothers daughter or what?
      We have her validictory dinner next week, its formal so i get to wear my dress i bought for the wedding last month again…yay!  Damian is about as excited as a slug, he hates these things but they have to be done.  Come to think of it, i havent got anyone to babysit the kids yet, i had better hop to it!
      I hope you all have a great day, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22230
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn,
      As I read your posts I think that you have found a good part of the secret in fighting this disease called CG.  You are filling your life with humour, friends, family and new adventures.  You are an ispiration for all of us to do the same. 
      Do you recall how I said that my life these days seems to be full of "signs" and coincidences?  I have one that i would like to share with you because when it happened I thought of you immediately.  The end of last week, not long after your posts regarding us all being flowers in a garden, each in different stages of bloom, I drove to my mothers.
      When i got out of the car I noticed two little miniature rose bushes that each had a single rose in bloom.  That is truly unusual for us here as quite often we already have snow.  These were little rose bushes we had given mom for mothers day in the spring in an arrangement.  I mentioned it to mom, and she said yes she had noticed, but there were three little bushes in the garden from the arrangement.  Two had been in bloom for a little while but the third one had a rose bud on it, trying to bloom.  It brought tears to her eyes as she mentioned how she had three daughters, and now three little roses in the garden with one trying to bloom.
      Hope you had a great time tonight.  Got to run but i wanted to share.
      Laura

    • #22231
      howanan
      Participant

      It sounds like you are living your life to the fullest.  Nothing can stop you now, go girl!  I love reading your thread.  I likes Laura’s roses.  Have a good day……….NancyGratitude should be a continuous attitude, not an occasional incident.

    • #22232
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ok, i went to the show last night.  The whole show was done by 2 women, who only wore pants, nothing on the top, hence the name busting out.  It was quite shocking at the start, but halfway through, you hardly noticed until they started doing something with them…for eg they made:
      -a baby, complete with dummy
      -the bat sign, you know, the one in the sky for batman
      -a map of australia (hysterical)
      -roberta flack….singing
      -a washing machine, and clothes line
      -abba (singing mama mia)
      -the taj mahal…complete with palm trees, they were the only prop
      It went on and on and on, there were songs about them, skits about them, stories about them.  They got 2 women up to have a bra removing competition, and blow me down, the 2 women flashed at the end.  It was the funniest thing i have ever seen, my sister and i were in hysterics all night.
      So now the serious part…the skinny jeans.  They survived the chinese food, (firstly i would like to thank the spanx), but, and its a big but (not my butt) but whenever i sat down, they rode right down, if not for the spanx, that rode right up i would have been in trouble.  I wouldnt have been wanting to sit behind me!
      They did survive, the long top i wore with it ensured no one got an eyefull!!! The whole night was funny, i said to my sister, thank goodness they didnt get me up there, if i had of flashed, everyone would have seen the spanx up to my armpits!
      So that was my night out with my sister. It was fantastic, and if busting out ever comes to a theatre near you you have to go, just dont sit down the front!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22233
      female g
      Participant

      Kathryn you are just having way too much fun aren’t you.  Well good on you mate.  Also spanx wins another one lol. G

    • #22234
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chook
      Busting out sounds HILARIOUS, but i truly cannot visualise any of those routines in my mind …let alone what those womens breasts look like after all that contortion!! What a crack up.
      Good on ya busting out the skinny jeans (thats busting out…. not busting out of!). All jeans these days ride down at the back, unless ya buy the styles that come up to your armpits! A flash of your spanx is STILL better than a flash of ‘builders bum" anyway!!!
      Are you all packed for sydney? I just popped in to say have a blast! savour every moment! Celebrate the fact that 5 months ago or more, you’d never have been able to do this! What a milestone. You are an inspiration babe. Have so much fun, and tell us all when you get back.
      Much love and light
      Meg xxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22235
      Anonymous
      Guest

      OMG, what a screech you are!!!  Map of Australia made of boobs?  Only you could find these shows, seriously!!!
      It was great talking to you too.  What a life you’re having.  From boobs to Britney … a boob of a whole different nature!  You’re going to have a blast.  I do hope that you go with the Mom-baby girl tat … that would be special.  I was rethinking the whole belly ring thing and thought that maybe I’d do a tattoo too.  I like the idea of decorating my c-section scar with vines and flowers … what do you think?
      More sunshine today, but only 5 degrees this morning.  Enjoy your gorgeous summer days.
      Hugs.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22236
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi,  I went to the store and looked at those skinny jeans.  The only thing I don’t like is they are low risers.  I don’t like jeans that don’t come all the way to my waist.  I have several pair of jeans like that but gave them away.  I got tired of trying to pull them up. lol  I did buy a pea jacket and a PURPLE sweater.  If you read my post you will see how I pigged out yesterday and probably wouldn’t have even fit in a pair of skinny jeans. lol……………..Life is so much better without gambling….NancyGratitude should be a continuous attitude, not an occasional incident.

    • #22237
      flowers
      Participant

         our lifes our so much richer without gambling
                 flowers

    • #22238
      minni
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn- I wanted to pop over to your thread and say thank you for saying hi to me and introducing yourself.  I’m looking forward to reading your posts and being here for you too.  Will see  you soon!Knowledge itself isn’t power; what you do with that knowledge is what gives you power.Paraphrased from unkown author

    • #22239
      meglee
      Participant

      Hey chook
      I am thinking of you and brea in sydney! …….
      I hope the spanx aren’t riding up too much, and the skinny jeans aren’t riding down!
      I hope britney sang her heart out without lip synching, and that you two are ho**** from screaming!
      I hope Sydney has turned on the sunshine, and the hotel left yummy chocolates on your pillows.
      I hope you and Brea share those moments where you cannot believe how lucky you are that she’s your daughter, while knowing that she is so proud to have you as her mum.
      …and i hope you come back and tell us ALL your wonderful, insightful, funny stories of your trip, because without you on here GT would be a little less ‘sunny’ every day.
      Hope you are having a BLAST my friend.
      Much love and light
      Meg xxxxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22240
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      ditto from me.  I was just wondering on my thread how your trip was going.  I selfishly miss you but am glad that you are living out such a fun promise with your daughter.  Hope you are having a blast!
      Laura

    • #22241
      mandj6760
      Participant

      Kathryn i am also a cg and have a daughter that is 19. I have not gambled in 15 days. I took my daughter out last night instead of going to casino. How good i feel this morning we had so much fun together. I am also mad at myself for the time I have missed in the last 8 years.I did apologize to her and she has turned out to be a great support to me. Saw the movie Blind Side by the way it was a great inspirational movie. I am so looking forward to making up for lost time with her gamble free. best of luck lets hug our daughters today.

    • #22242
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well im back, actually, i got back yesterday but we had a party to go to last night and i didnt have time to post.  Britney was AMAZING. I dont care what the critics say, yes, she lipsynced but with all the running and dancing she did i dont know how she could possibly sing anyway.  It was a terrific show, Brea loved it.  We spent all day, and i mean all day on Friday shopping, i was exhausted as im not really a big shopper.  I ended up with the biggest blister on my foot, its the size of a watermelon!!! We went for dinner down at Sydney Harbour, it was a really balmy night and we sat out, had dinner by candlelight, a few drinks, it was just fantastic.  We had some really good mother/daughter time.  We did nothing but laugh, she has a fantastic sense of humour, she really is a funny girl!
      When we were coming home, we were sitting on the plane and she put her head on my shoulder and told me she loved me and what a great time she had.  That one single line made the whole trip even better!
      Oh, Meg, my jeans stayed up, thankfully but im sure i looked very strange pulling them up while trying to hide my spanx underneath! 
      So last night we went to a 40th.  This man has been friends with Damian virtually since birth. He is the kindest, sweetest person i have ever known and everyone he meets just loves him.  It was a huge party and i got to catch up with quite a lot of people i havent seen for many years.  I have to admit, im a little under the weather today, although Damian has had several trips to the ‘porcelain bus’ and he is now recovering on the couch! 
      I have a favourite moment from last night.  Damian has a friend who im sure is a raging alcoholic, hes a little weedy man who happens to be the postman but he would never hurt a fly. It was raining last night and there was a big marquee in the backyard.  There was a fire going and i was standing under the marquee (god forbid my hairdo got wet) when i looked out and this man was dancing, in the rain, around the fire.  Everyone was laughing at him and i thought, what a great idea, so out i got, from under that marquee and started dancing with him.  Here we were, just the two of us, i actually thought of Nancy and her old saying about dancing in the rain. We danced and danced, it was a really freeing feeling.  I had a great time, we didnt get home till after 2am, which is really late for me.  We were laying in bed this morning and i said to Dames, whats the time. He said, it must be 10am.  When we looked at the  clock, it was 2pm, we had slept all that time! 
      Im so glad to be back, i was very tempted to jump on the site at an internet cafe and just check all was well while we were in Sydney.  But i thought id get in trouble from Harry so i didnt! 
      I hope you are all well, i missed being here, but now im back so theres no escape!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22243
      vera
      Participant

      Welcome back from Sydney Kathryn! So glad you fulfilled your promise and Brea’s dream. Just throw your mind back six months and remember how impossible this weekend would have been if you were still gambling…….. You’ll soon be hitting the six month mark! Any plans for a celebration?……….Sometimes I feel there is nothing I would like better than ” a day in the slots”. I imagine myself walking in ( well, being ‘spirited in”, feet not touching the floor) plonking my fat A** on the stool, frantically sliding €50 into 2 machines ( 8 if I were an octpus), breathing a CG sigh of CG relief…. and, and, AND A N D………walking out the door, sick, dizzy, broke, guilt-ridden and in bits after 12 hours sordid pleasure…………NO THANKS! I changed my mind! Even you wouldn’t be that mad, Kathryn! I often wonder what you would have been like to sit next to in the casino, Kathryn! Silent? chatty? Happy? Moany? Silent, I’d say!

    • #22244
      flowers
      Participant

         dear karthyn isnt life just wonderful without gambling it sounds like your living life to the fulless. stay on the right path, it leads to so many wonderful journeys for all of us
                  flowers

    • #22245
      finding_laura
      Participant

      dear Kathryn,
      I’m so glad your trip turned out to be everything you hoped it would be and more.  Memories like those are the ones worth making, the ones worth remembering.  How often do us CGers look back with fond memories of our time spent playing the slots?  Sitting here thinking I cannot really recall one visit to the slots that was a "memory maker". 
      Your evening dancing in the rain and seeing old friends sounds lovely.  I caught up with an old friend for lunch today.  I was thinking about how often I had avoided friends when I was playing the slots.  I only had so much time to go around and the slots were my number one priority.
      I’m so glad that you are enjoying life to the fullest.  It makes me truly realize what I have been missing.  We shall all have to remember to dance in the rain, shop til we drop and live life like we mean it.  We only get one go around lets make it the best!
      Have a good day Kathryn, it was good to hear from you.
      Laura

    • #22246
      cully21
      Participant

      I was given a wall hanging friday at a networking meeting. It says, "Live is not about waiting for the storm to pass…It is about dancing in the rain." I you and Laura’s post made me think about it, so I thought I would share it with you.
      Your brother in arms,
      Cully21

    • #22247
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ah Kathryn!  So lovely to see you back … and in top form!!  I spent half my time being jealous of the warmth and wonderful beach life you have down under. I can almost feel the warm evening air on my skin, imagining myself in a floaty top in front of one of the Seven Wonders of the Modern World!!  OK, so maybe you weren’t RIGHT in front of the opera house, but that’s where I see myself.  And then, as I’m sitting there solo, sipping a latte, Russell and his entourage walks past.  He glances at my table, then does a double take … whispers to his body guard and then heads towards my table … his signature naughty twinkle in eyes …
      ………  O.K., I’m back … sitting in my messy office far too late at night knowing I’m going to be a wreck in the morning.  If Russell saw me now, he’d hire extra security and give me a WIDE berth (LOL, I almost said birth!!).  Good thing I’m going to see the counsellor in the morning (although I won’t mention this conversation, or I may actually be committed).
      Weekend was fine … a bit of family drama between my siblings (what else is new, never a dull moment).  I had multiple phone calls as the warring factions gave me their side of things, and the spectators weighed in with their views.  I did my fair share of uh-huhs, and tut-tutting, and ended up exhausted at the end of the day.  No chance of gambling, too busy saving the world.  Then on to studying with the boys … on tonight’s agenda:  French, Science and History.  I’m going to have "words" with a couple of teachers tomorrow.
      I laughed when I heard you did a rain dance around the firepit … and you call ME Pocohontas!!! As I said, you remind me SO much of my Australian friend Kathy who is also a nurse.  I recall a particular night in Jamaica when Kathy had had MANY Black Russians and we got up on the stage to dance with the entertainers at the resort. All is remember is a whirl of blonde hair and Kathy pulling the drummer up to dance with her.  Are you SURE you’re not her???  LOL!!!
      Happy to hear you had a wonderful time with Brea. 
      Talk soon.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22248
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I have big news…..i am a great aunt.  No normal auntie for me, but GREAT.  Well actually its the 8th great grandchild on my side and there are 5 and 3/4 on Damians side so that makes…..13 and 3/4 times i have been a great aunt.  But it is still so exciting.  I dont know any details except to say that my neice Kate had her 2nd child, a boy this morning at some ungodly hour (i got a text from my sister at 2am) and his name is Lucas Benjamin.  I dont know what he weighed but she was hoping for the head the size of a tennis ball!!!!! (oh, if only!)
      They live in Darwin so it will proboably be a while before i see him in the flesh, but thats ok, ill be sending lots of air kisses to him.  I have spent the day washing and ironing, vacuming and cleaning, what fun!
      Tomorrow i am doing the good mother thing and doing kinder duty, 4 hours with 20 kids (OMG) and then Harry has school orientation for an hour.  I am then coming home and getting ready for Breas validictory dinner, its formal so i am re-wearing the wedding dress, Jode is coming so we should have a good time…and its a 3 course dinner (of course its all about the food!!!)
      I hope you are all having a great day,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22249
      flowers
      Participant

         keep ing
                 flowers          

    • #22250
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn, just a few words to say thanks for your daily accounts, they help me stay in tune with the "real life" and keep me aware of the one I now enjoy and the reason for my Daily Pledge.
      Life is good!Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22251
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I just had a big fight with Brea, well actually she had a big fight with me.  I just returned from the morning at the kinder and had asked her to hang a load of washing on the line.  It was only a small load but i like to keep on top of it.  I got home, washing still in the machine, breaky dishes on the sink.
      I wasnt impressed and she knew it, she kept asking and asking, so i told her, you didnt hang the washing, and it wouldnt kill you to do the dishes without me having to ask.  She went beserk, screaming, crying and stormed out the door, with the token slam! Told me she does heaps and once shes gone i would know it.
      I dont know, is it too much to ask, it took me all of 10 minutes to do both jobs, she isnt at school, isnt working so as far as im concerned she can help out.  Im tired of wasting my days picking up after everyone, a neverending cycle, its driving me crazy.  A little help would be really appreciated, she doesnt know how much.
      Worst thing is, we have her validictory dinner tonight, maybe i shouldnt have said anything,  but im sick of it!
      I know she has gone to Jodes, she always does when we have a fight, if she says nothing when she comes home then i know Jode has stuck up for me, we will see.  So im feeling pretty down right now, bloody kids, who’d have em!
      Gambling is not on my mind so i will take that blessing today!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22252
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Teenagers …. phhhht!!!  Bloody ingrates (lol).  You were WELL within your rights to scold, my friend.  My mother was a sergeant major and had me up at 8:00 a.m. EVERY Saturday of my life, washing, polishing, dusting, cleaning windows, clearing cupboards.  She had my brothers working right alongside me too.  How times have changed … sigh!!
      My boys do have regular chores on Saturdays, tho’.  One of my close friends has three teenaged boys and they do NOTHING.  I learned from her example.  By the time my oldest turns 13 next year, he will become responsible for the family laundry and his brother will learn to clean bathrooms.  With their father doing garbage, cleaning guinea pig cages (most times) and clearing dog poo, I have all the nasty jobs covered.  (After all, what am I paying allowances for???)
      Now about the great aunty thing.  I too have 13 great nieces and nephews.  Only thing is, my eldest great nephew has the gall to be 20!!!  I warned him, severely, that if he had a child and made me a GREAT, GREAT aunty before I turn 50 … I would hunt him down and …. you know the rest!!
      I do hope you see the baby within the first couple of months.  It’s your opportunity to bury your nose in the fluff on their heads and suck up the youthfulness.  Don’t babies smell gorgeous??? I find the smell makes me relax!!
      OK, I have much to share re: my first counselling appointment, but I am SOOOO exhausted, I’ll have to post it tomorrow.
      Enjoy the dinner celebration.  (All will be well, you’ll see!)
      Hugs.
      RG
      PS.  I finally applied for the lovely job … cross your fingers!!This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22253
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chook
      What a perfectly normal life you have these days!!!!LOL. A teenager that doesn’t pick up after herself? or moans about a couple of chores!? Sounds pretty normal to me!!! So does having a b****h at her about it!!!!!
      And what WE know is, that she will be the one realising how much YOU do for her when she leaves home (not the other way around haha.) Thats life. she’ll figure it out!
      Go get ready to put your glad rags on and look gorgeous. Brea will do the same. And i hope you all have a fab night!
      Much love and light
      Meg xxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22254
      minni
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!  I was just reading a couple of your last posts here.  Congratulations on being a GREAT auntie!  That’s always fun!  And then the fighting with the teens isn’t.  I’m not a mom myself, unfortunately, but I’ve lived with a few adults whose parents didn’t do them any favors by not making them do chores.  It teaches responsibility, not to mention just how to get them done so they’re not crippled when they get out there by themselves.  I met a young man (not really, about 32) who didn’t know how to run a washing machine!  I can’t imagine – and I feel so sorry for the young lady he ends up with!  I hope your daughter had a good validictorian night regardless.  I’m trying to read more of everyone’s threads tonight.  Finally have a good connection after two days of waiting ten minutes for the page to change or the post to post!  Have a great night…Minni

    • #22255
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi Kathryn,
      Ive removed Robs Post and converted it to her own thread, and ive removed your reply as it detracted away from your thread.
      Take Care
      Harry
      "Occasionally it’s wise to doubt our doubts, to question our questions, and to re-think our thoughts."
       — 25/11/2009 09:34:32: post edited by harry.

    • #22256
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chook
      Well I had a crap day, so thought i’d pop in to check on you (coz you always cheer me up with your fab stories), and low and behold….I couldn’t find you anywhere!!!! I was starting to question my own sanity while searching for your thread, and truly thinking my memory issues might be major (see my latest post for details)… when all of sudden, your thread reappeared!!!
      Turns out it was just our mate harry, fiddling with those GT buttons again (as he does!) LOL (P.S, Love ya harry x).
      So….now…. much relieved that you have not disappeared off the planet….. HOW was the Valadictorian dance? Did you look FABULOUS?????? (of course you did!) Did Brea have a good time, and look radiant (I bet!), and did poor dames manage to suffer thru the whole thing with a smile on his face????? (i hope?)
      Look forward to all the details. hope all is well with you K.
      Much much love and light
      Meg xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22257
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well the validictory dinner was really good….but, when we were in Sydney Brea had bought some shoes to wear, they were at least 6inch heels (seriously), anyway she had tried on her size 8 and they were really tight so she got a 9.  She came out last night, and when she bought the shoes we hadnt taken into consideration that we had been walking for 7 hours that day and it was stinking hot. Result?  Swollen feet.  So when she put them on last night, they were a size too big.  Disaster?  Almost.  Tears?  Close to, but i had some gel things for shoes so we put them in and away we went.  When she got out of the car, she almost went a$$ over, almost.  Now im not a very nice person when someone falls over, unless its one of my residents of course, i start laughing and i cant stop.  I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head as we walked towards the building,  i was trying to stop my shoulders shaking from the laughing, and Jode was not helping one bit!
      Ok, back to the dinner.  Brea had to walk the length of the hall in ‘the shoes’ to get to her seat with all the other girls.  I was praying to the Lord that she wouldnt fall over, and bless her…she didnt!!!  We had a table with another family, a friend of Breas and the food was divine. (yes, yes its about the food.)
      They had speeches and awards and i could not believe that Damian didnt fall asleep…the funniest thing was when the principal was making the speech.  I had written a letter to beg for an extra ticket, it was for Breas boyfriend but i made it about Jode, Breas godmother.  I wrote an essay about how she(Jode) had been an integral part of her education and she was so impressed with the schools morals and principals…on and on i went.  Blow me down, the principal read it out to the room…600 people.  I nearly fell off my chair.  It was hysterical.
      So thats it, her school years are over, done, dusted.  Hard to believe really, i missed so much because of my addiction, but no more.  I guess Bailey and Harry are going to get the best of me in that regard.
      Today i went shopping and bought a Christmas tree.  Now this is a big deal as we always hook the trailer up, take a saw and drive around the back roads until we see a real one we like, chop it down (im always the lookout) and bring it home.  Last year it took forever to find one, and when we put it up one side was nearly bald.  Brea whinged the whole time so i bit the bullet today and got a fake one.  I will miss our ‘mission impossible’ christmas tree hunt.
      Thats about all, oh, by the way, when i got home, after Brea went beserk, we both acted like nothing had happened.  She didnt say anythiing so Jode must have done her job, bless her.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22258
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      it was good talking with you last night, yesterday for you I would guess.  Glad Brea’s night went well, i always breathe a sigh of relief when those things are over.  Well done on your letter!  It must have been good to have been read aloud, were you proud?  Or did you want the ground to swallow you up?  Your positivity is contagious   
      I’m rather tired after staying up til ten past midnight and then running round to appointments today. I’m taking in a GA meeting tonight, first one.  I’m meeting a friend who goes regularly so I won’t have to go alone.  It will be a late night but worth it.
      I hope we bump into each other again soon.  Take care,
      Laura

    • #22259
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Yesterday was a massive day for me.  I went shopping with Jode.  Now, Jode always has 5 million things to do.  I had 1.  I needed to pick up a layby for christmas i had put on for the kids.  She needed to do…..everything!
      We left home at 8.20am, dropped the kids off and headed in. We got quite a lot accomplished in the first few hours, went and had some lunch (which by the way, was awful) and we had to go to another shopping center, not too far from our car to see about a fax/printer/scanner for jode.  By this time we had her little boy in the stroller, and 4 massive bags on the arms (of the stroller)  Jode picked out her fax, and we left it and went to another shop, where i bought 2 boogie boards for the boys, from mum for xmas.  They were pretty big.  Anyway, long story short…Jode hates making 2 trips for anything and so she decided we could carry the boogie boards (which were balanced on the stroller) and all the bags, and i would carry the fax machine.  It was about a 10 minute walk.  It was excruciating, the box was massive, we were nearly dead by the time we got to the car.  And we laughed the whole way.  She kept saying to me ‘stop for a rest’ and i kept saying ‘i have momentum, im not stopping’. We got home at 3pm.
      Last night we went to the movies, me, Jode, Brea and Jodes sister in law to be (remember, that dress?)  We went for dinner and saw New Moon, it was a great night.  I am so tired today its not funny and my arms are screaming from carrying that fax machine. It is one of the busiest days i have had in a long time.
      Tomorrow i am working at the market with my step dad, selling vegetables.  Im back to work on Monday. I have had a whole month off and got nothing done,eg, i was going to clean the oven, but i will get it done eventually.
      Oh, the other exciting news is that im a grandmother!  Yes, im a granny.  Breas rabbits, who we were told were both female, managed the impossible and we have 3 gorgeous little babies.  I wish you could have seen Breas face, she came inside screaming, it was so funny.  I went to the pet shop to get some straw this morning and the lady there was a rabbit breeder so i got all the info.  We have separated the rabbits, but unfortunately it was too late, aparently the second the female gives birth she is re-impregnated so in 28 days we are going to have another lot.  We will sell them when they are ready and they are beautiful rabbits so i dont think we will have any trouble.
      I hope you all had a great thanksgiving, and have a great weekend.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22260
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I am here, I didn’t hear you enter the room, I turned the volume down on my computer by mistake.  If you are still around and want to talk, pop back.
      thanks,
      laura

    • #22261
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      just stopped in to say hi and sorry I missed you this weekend.  I see you have been busy reading and posting, its so nice that we all have this way to support each other.  Just wanted to let you know that I was by my mothers today and my little rose (the one that was waiting to bud) is in full bloom.  I can’t believe it for this time of year.  A lot of years we would already have six inches of snow on the ground by now!  Hope you had a good weekend, catch up with you soon.  Take care,
      Laura

    • #22262
      vera
      Participant

      The 21st went well Kathryn! Birthday boy didn’t make much effort ( read all about it on Cully’s thread), but everyone enjoyed themselves and it was worth all the effort! Where did those 21 years go! I dressed up in my mini and new boots (talk about mutton dressed as lamb!) A lot of cleaning up to be done tomorrow and I am starting nights for a week then. I dread the thoughts of it but like recovery, I will take it one day (night) at a time. This time last year I wouldn’t have been able to even dream of having a party. No time,no money , no interest in anything except the slots, so I see this as a sign of recovery. I got talking to my sister-in-law and told her my “dirty” secret. She was looking at me in disbelief, I think she thought I was imagining things! I wish! ……….By the way, what are boogie boards?

    • #22263
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn, just a few line to say hello and let you know that even though I may not respond to your post, they are nevertheless enjoyable and helpful.
      You mention that you have a lot of rabbits. There once was a guy here in the States that had the same problem with turkeys until he started our Thanksgiving Day and started serving the now traditional turkey feast.  Maybe you could start a similar Australian celebration, but with bunnies — if Austria ever had a TGD holiday, it would let the ‘roos breath easy for that day just like the cows do here. Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22264
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I am in BIG trouble.  Bailey, (who is 10) has been losing lots of teeth the last month, the tooth fairy has been good to him.  He lost a tooth on Sunday, and put it in a white mug above the sink.  I forgot about it, the tooth fairy was really busy Sunday night, i told him to put it in a glass on the table. Now, he has just got out of the shower, and informed me that not only did the tooth fairy not come, but that the tooth is gone and she drank all the water that was in the glass with the tooth!!! LOL
      Ive told him she must be extra busy, she might be sick, she may have run out of money but really needed that tooth.  I said we will leave her a note tonight but he said he doesnt want to……he hates the tooth fairy!
      I need to ring Damian when he goes to school, i dont know where the tooth is, hopefully down the sink to never be seen again.
      I went back to work last night after a month off.  It was great to see the girls and my residents, but the nurse in charge is a different story.  She doesnt cope well under any amount of pressure whatsoever, i asked if she could do something for me last night as i was at one end of the building and she was going to where i needed to be.  She said no, she was too busy.  A doctor had come in and asked her to do a dressing.  This woman is 2 doors up from the room i had to go to. So i went and did it, it didnt really matter, but she isnt a team player.  Next year im going to look for something else.
      We put up our Christmas tree on Sunday night, the fake one, it does look really nice and i love sitting at night with the little twinkle lights on, its mesmerising.  I have the day off today ( i know, what a life) and have to take Brea to get some uniforms for her work.  No thoughts of gambling, which i find interesting.  I mean, i would love to go for an hour, but we all know what would happen then and im not prepared to go back, not that i could, id be thrown into the horse trough!!!
      Vera, a boogie board is a foam board you can ride waves on, or paddle around on, they are quite big, not as big as a surfboard, you couldnt stand on it, and there are no waves here, but the boys will be able to play at the beach with them.
      I hope you all have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
      Life is about falling….living is about getting up!– 30/11/2009 8:44:04 PM: post edited by kathryn.

    • #22265
      colin in brum
      Participant

      Lol thats funny – just hope it wasn’t Damain who drank it!

    • #22266
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Funny story, i have a similar one too!  My son discovered tooth fairy wasnt real.  He hid the tooth where he knew i didnt kjnow where it was as he had his suspicions, i could not find it, anywhere so he pretty much discovered it never disappeared.  Also he left a note and asked for a reply.  He realized it was his texta and my writing.  Oh well.  He still wants the money though tooth fairy or not haha.
      Thank you for your support have missed this site and hoping to get on group as soon as its on again.  Still gamble free.  Hope to come as far as you one day missy.  You have done amazingly well.
      P

    • #22267
      female g
      Participant

      Yes the tooth fairy stories really ring true for me too.  That tooth fairy must be getting raises all the time because man she pays much more now for those teeth she needs. lol.  Hope to chat with you ladies and colin on group today G

    • #22268
      dianne
      Participant

      Hello Kathryn thanks for your support, hope you enjoy your day off today.  Congratulations on your gamble free days.
      Cheers
      Dianne

    • #22269
      flowers
      Participant

        kathryn isnt it great dealing we lifes daily challenges without gambling in your life
                       flowers

    • #22270
      paul315
      Participant

       
      The Tooth Fairy messes up at lot, I just lost all of my teeth and didn’t get a penny – instead had to pay.
      And the money she kept from me only went to some of the "rich kids" in the more affluent part of town; they come into the gift shop I work at the Science Center and tell about receiving a Hundred Dollars a tooth.  When I was young we got a quarter (25¢) but we did get to keep the tooth and turn it in at school for a nation-wide study.
      And my daughter in France doesn’t have a Tooth Fairy, they have a Tooth Mouse.
      Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22271
      minni
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!  I was just in my kitchen staring at some little chunk of something on the floor that I was thinking looked like someone’s tooth.  Now that I’ve read your post, I’m thinking I need to go back and check on it.  I’ll let you know what I find.
      You sound really great!  I just got some of our Christmas stuff out, too.  We’re not doing a tree this year, but I’ve got ornaments hanging around, and I think we’re going to string some lights around the living room.  The mantle above my fireplace has a bunch of candle holders, all different shapes in reds and browns and golds.  I love lighting them at night and reading on the couch or listening to the radio while I futz around with stuff.  Even more fun with holiday glitz around them!  Take care – looking forward to chapter two on that tooth!

    • #22272
      minni
      Participant

      Okay, Kathryn, I just HAD to come back and tell you this:  I saw your comment on RG’s thread about dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld, and I LOVE the way she dances.  Oh, dear, cracks me up every flippin’ time!  I always dance like that when I want to be a goof!  I like you.  That was funny.  I’m going to wipe these tears from my eyes and go post some more. 

    • #22273
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i still dont know about the tooth, but the tooth fairy has made amends with Bailey, she came yesterday when i was out!  Nothing much to report, working later today, its a beautiful day so what better time to strip and wash the bed linen!  I know, how exciting!!! I have decided that my husband is hopeless (i know, it took me awhile)  He just called me to check if i was working tonight, now, i have been doing the same shifts for years, you would think by now he would have got it!!!  Im sure he really just wants to go for a fish and was hoping it was my night off.  Little does he realise that i work every wednesday!
      Hope you all have a great gamble free day, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22274
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Hope to see you on group some time again soon, you are such a crack up girl
      P

    • #22275
      minni
      Participant

      Hey, Kathryn!  I loved your story about the candlestick – sPoooOOOOky!!!!  I think it was just a piece of popcorn on my floor yesterday.  I didn’t have my eyeballs on so couldn’t see it very well (actually, they’re just reading glasses – not very good for distance), and when I went back in, it was gone so I think my dog had been doing some vacuuming.  I’ll be very interested in hearing if you find that tooth, though!  Take care…

    • #22276
      kathryn
      Participant

      Ok, so i had my little rant, i decided to edit it as i was extremely frustrated at that very moment.
      Fast forward to a couple of hours later, and im calm, im full (of cheesecake) and im in a better place.  I didnt get an urge to gamble during my little tanty, which shows me that it is much better to come and spew my anger out than to even contemplate going to the casino.  I had a lovely night with my bestie, we watched our favourite shows and im just about to turn in for the night.
      One thing i like about myself is the ability to get over things very quickly. Im not a grudge holder, i truthfully cant be bothered and would much rather feel calm than be stressing for hours over an arguement or something small like ‘dishes’.  There are bigger things in this world than whinging about the washing up, and i need to remember that.  At the same time though, i think its important to have some kind of outlet to say what we need to, which, unfortunately for all of you….is here!! lol
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xx– 3/12/2009 12:11:07 PM: post edited by kathryn.

    • #22277
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Good morning, you are so funny!  I always laugh at your posts you have such personality.  Im trying not to let things stress me either, easier said than done though i guess!  But progressing somewhat.  Wow you are doing well, i am still getting urges but fighting them like crazy.  Missed you on group last night but saw in your post you were at your friends.  Am aiming to go on there a lot more, think i will be glued to this site morning and night from now on. Better than being glued to those horrible machines though hey. 
       
      P

    • #22278
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hiya Kathryn
      It’s been a while since I posted to you and I have just spent the last half hour catching up. I am stuck at the moment. Can’t take the dogs out because our market town is virtually closed – the Light Dragoons (our local troops) are marching through the town having returned from Afghanistan and we are having a fly-past.
      There are more important things in the world than washing up but keep whinging because mums are supposed to – just as teenagers are supposed to be awful. The secret is to know that it really isn’t important; she will grow up and be wonderful. The other secret is to stuff yourself with cheesecake – but you already know that. xxx.   I remember as a kid there was adult food and children’s food – now I eat what I want, when I want it and the more wicked it is the better – I will even run with scissors if I want to. The plus side of getting older!  
      I have now returned from watching the parade. It was very moving.   The children were climbing on the tanks and getting cuddles from strapping, handsome soldiers. Yes definitely the minus side of getting older.
      I must away and dream – I just wanted to say hi and as always – I think you are doing great.
      Loads of Love
      Velvet xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #22279
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Im thinking of applying for a new job.  Well, it wont be my only job, its only 6 hours a week at this stage BUT it is a foot in the door of the public sector. Its more an admin job.  Usually i jump right in and go for these things.  This time, im having a think (although i have already done the cover letter…lol)
      I can stay at my current job as a casual,  and pick up shifts when i need to, which for a while would be essential.  Im just wondering if the timing is right, it may be fate that this has come up now, when i am ready to look for something else and Harry is starting school next year.  Im going to ring the woman who advertised, just to get an idea of hours and days.  I want to do something completely different, and this sure is.
      Anyway, just jotting my thoughts, have a great day all,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22280
      grantlivermoore
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      When I first went into recovery, I was jumping at every chance…  Decisions to me were difficult to make, one because I have perfectionism traits, but gambling also had played a great role of scrambling my thoughts… & yep Gamblers don’t like change
      I was given this tool as a way of thinking how to make decisions… it may or may not help, it’s simply 4 questions that revolve around one question.. So in your case they would be
      ·         What are the Pro’s of taking this job
      ·         What are the Con’s of taking this job
      ·         What are the Pro’s of NOT taking this job
      ·         What are the Con’s of NOT taking this job
      I can remember thinking  so clearly this was rubbish, now I use this quiet a bit in various situations if I’m unsure of a situations it just becomes a natural reaction to how I make decisions
      As of yet it hasn’t let me down, I just hope you find it useful… But above all Kathryn and I’m sure you’ve heard this elsewhere.. YOU have to do what is right by YOU
      Best Wishes
      Grant

    • #22281
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well my weekend of work is over, and i have to say, im sitting here watching Brea wash the dishes…i know, a miracle has occured in my kitchen! lol.  Mind you, Mr fat bottom is still sitting on it, but im taking what i can get!!! 
      I have decided to go for the job.  Im having quite a bit of difficulty with my resume, but i have looked a few up on websites, im just trying to find big words to use in my responsibility section (any suggestions will be apprecieated, oh and if they’re really big, ill need an explanation!!!)  Im not sure that my typing skills are up to the job, but i have nothing to lose, and practice makes perfect!  It doesnt have to be in until the 16th, so i have a little time to work on it. 
      Work was really good this weekend, i didnt dread it at all, which is a first for me.  Dont get me wrong, i love the residents, but its the early mornings that kill me.  It all went very smoothly, no dramas which always makes for a good weekend.
      I have tomorrow off, so im going to pay some bills and get stuck into this house.  My MIL is coming on Friday, so i need it spick and span.  I also have to go and get her Christmas present at some stage this week, she wants a particular style of handbag, and do you think i can find it??? Ive looked in lots of shops, but have had no luck so far.  Anytime i get her something she doesnt want it, so worst case scenario, a gift voucher will have to do and she can get her own.
      I hope you have all had a good weekend, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22282
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn
      … just trying to find big words to use in my responsibility section

      Good morning Kathryn
      First, it is good to read about a life that is gambling free, keep up with your efforts, you are not only living your life in this way but you are living one for us also.  (this is not meant to be an added burden, but a praise; keep doing it for yourself – the benefits to us and your friends and family cannot compare to the benefit of the good life it gives you.)
      As for big words: look through this site, http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/252235.html .
      About the handbag, enjoy the search, you might find something for yourself,  and then just share the difficulties you had trying to please her – "it’s not the gift but the thought" haha! 
      Larry

      "Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.
       — 12/6/2009 11:48:04 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22283
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      just catching up with everyone here and there.  Can you send me some of what you are putting in Brea’s water?  I need some for my grumpy teenage son.  He feels he’s ready to handle the greusome realities of warfare ( he wants to join the army) but touching gross dirty plates on their way into the dishwasher is almost too much for him to bare lol. 
      Good luck on the job application.  The only tip i can think of right off is to look at the requirements of the job and then find those same skills within your current job or other volunteer activities you may also do.  Find an online thesaurus and look at different ways to same the same words they use lol, sometimes this jiggles my mind.
      Enjoy your day off tomorrow and don’t work too hard.  Take some time for yourself.  Hopefully I’ll catch up with you sooner or later in group.
      Have a great day!
      Laura

    • #22284
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Today i cleaned my oven, i know, not a big deal…but, it was sooooo dirty i had to clean it twice.  I was disgusted that i had let it go for so long, and i got to thinking.  Since we have been in this house i have not cleaned the oven (im ashamed to say it….2 years)  I was wiping all that black goop out of it and i thought to myself…this oven represents my addiction, in that i didnt have time to clean because of it, that i only did the things that could be ‘seen’.  That i would only do the essentials as i was too busy thinking, planning, going gambling.
      Its taken me a while to build up to cleaning that stupid oven, the job was overwhelming, but now its done.  Something else out of the way, something that my addiction can no longer touch (or not touch really!!!) Mind you, the oven racks are a different story, i have them soaking in washing powder as we speak!  I need a tough scrubber to tackle them so im off to get Brea from work and pick some up.   I feel so much better for getting that revolting job out of the way.  I have to wonder though, if the MIL wasnt coming would i have done it?  Id like to think yes.
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22285
      dianne
      Participant

      Hello Kathryn, oven cleaning and ironing are my pet hates.  I clean my oven with 5minute ovencleaner, I spray the racks as well, it’s really good. Have a good day,
      Dianne

    • #22286
      velvet
      Moderator

      As it appears that it is mostly men that cook on BBQs why not buy a BBQ grill cleaner and get a man to do the job – much less time consuming and good to watch xx

    • #22287
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn… I have a self cleaning oven.  Just set it to clean and wa la – clean.  But my oven is still dirty…..lol  Guess I better get cleaning or pushing buttons… lol  I had a good time at the Christmas party.  But for some reason, I still feel down in the dumps.  Well, I just wanted to check in on you today……..Have a good day my friend…….NancyThere is magic all around us.  All we need do is stop and take notice.  There is no charge for admission.  You don’t need any special equipment.  The good Lord provides us with this incredible spectacle each day.  All we have to do is show up for it…….

    • #22288
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I have a busy day today.  After Harry goes to pre-school he has his last orientation for school.  Im buying his uniforms today and even though i have said over and over i cant wait for him to go, im feeling a little sad that my baby will be a really big boy.  I am also dreading the ‘talk’ we will get today.  Last time it was how to pack a healthy lunchbox.  An hour of it, a video of a lady doing it…BORING.  i have been packing lunches for years, i dont need a lesson in it.  So who knows what we will get today.  Im hoping to sneak off for a while if i can, i have to work this afternoon so i need to be a little organised. 
      He is having lunch at the school and they get to play outside, which he cant wait for but…i have not long got up and its raining.  Hopefully it will stop by then or he will be very dissapointed.  His last day of kinder is next Tuesday, my god the year has flown.  And to think, at the start of it i was gambling every time i dropped him off.  4 hours was never long enough.  Anyway, i hope you are all having a great day. 
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22289
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Ms. K:  Just a quick post.  Just recovering from a miserable cold.  Lord, it seems like I’m never well these days.  Anyway, I know what you mean about those milestones.  It’s the saddest thing.  I hate clearing out my boys’ closet at the end of the summer because I have to remove the clothes that definitely won’t fit next summer.  It is heart wrenching. 
      You should be so proud of yourself for transforming yourself in the space of a year.  I am proud of you.  I’ll look for you online this evening.
      Hugs.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22290
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi K,
      amazing how we can make such a change once we have finally decided enough is enough.  Glad your oven is sparkling, care to come do mine?     Have a great day girl.
      Laura

    • #22291
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Firstly RG and Laura, thanks for your posts.  There has been a lot of press the last 2 days into DNA testing.  Apparently a man was jailed for a crime he didnt commit and the DNA test was wrong.  Im guessing you all know where im going with this.  Ive got just a little pit in my stomach, because i know they will have seen it and i cant help but wonder if they are thinking that our DNA test was wrong and we are going to get a phone call.  Now, in saying that, we did ours from Canada and they are talking about the Australian DNA testing.  I do not doubt that ours was right, but im just a tiny bit nervous that things may be dredged up once more, especially with Christmas and all.  Well i guess its out of my control for the moment and hopefully the phone will not ring!
      On a lighter note, yesterday Brea wanted to make a lamb casserole.  I went to the butchers and the lamb was soooo expensive, i didnt want to pay that for a casserole.  So i talked to the girl and asked her if i thought they would know if it was beef instead of lamb.  She said no, so i bought the beef (at less than half the price) and took it home without a word.  Before i went to work, Brea started making the dinner, i couldnt look at her for fear she would know.  On my tea break i called home and spoke to Damian.  I casually asked him how his dinner was.  He said that the lamb just fell apart and it was delicious!!! LOL. It was very hard not to laugh.  Im not telling them, just in case i have to do it again!!!!
      Im babysitting this morning and tackling my bathroom before the MIL comes tomorrow.  Im taking mum to do all her Christmas shopping, theres a big shopping center with every store imaginable about an hours drive away so we are going there as she cant walk really long distances and she can have a sit down if she needs it.  Im quite looking forward to it.  Im going for my work breakup tomorrow night, its at a venue.  Its the first time i will go into a place with machines since i stopped gambling.  Now i know i can have dinner without looking at them (ill sit with my back to them) so im not too worried.  Im just not going to look. I dont want to tempt myself whatsoever.  Im just going for dinner and coming straight home again.
      I hope you are all well and having a lovely gamble free day.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22292
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      sorry to hear about your niggling thought.  But as you say, it is out of your control.  For the most part I try not to worry about something until I know I have something to worry about.  It’s just those things with really emotional ties that tend to throw my good sense out the window.  Do your best to keep busy and not worry. 
      I’m praying that you have absolutely no urges tomorrow.  That you have a lovely dinner and a lovely time with your co-workers.  I’m sure you can walk right out of there when you are done.  I play in a dart league once a week at my former local hangout.  For the most part I don’t even have to see the machines.  But last week I had to park out in a different lot so came in through the other entrance.  I did look at them for a little while.  But I found myself looking at the people playing them more than the machines themselves.  Looking for signs of CG in them maybe, lol.  It was just a bit strange to me, watching them watch the machines in facination.  I only take 2 dollars with me, enough for a little snack only.
      I’ve been really busy lately.  I’ve been off on Tuesdays and Thursdays when the group meetings are at 5am and 6am my time, ugh.  Please forgive me if I decide to sleep through them lol.  Take care, hope you had a good time shopping with your mom.
      Laura

    • #22293
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn
      Congratulations on reaching your 6 Month milestone  (I hope I am correct – if not congratulations on making it another day). You came a long way from the compulsive gambler to the RCG.  Not only have you fought you own battles, you have helped those of us here with ours.
      God bless and keep you.Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22294
      kathryn
      Participant

      Yes Larry, you are spot on!
      Today i am 6 months gamble free!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22295
      colin in brum
      Participant

      WTG Kathryn, a day at a time can achieve great things.

    • #22296
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi chook
      LOL about the lamb casserole….and EEK about the mother in law coming. i’m not even gonna talk about the DNA thing, coz I agree with laura – it hasn’t happened, and most likely wont!
      I hope your night out was fantastic, and you can truly celebrate your 6 month milestone, knowing you have been tested (yet again), and passed with flying colours (yet again)!!!!
      Look forward to your update.
      Much love and light as always
      Meg xxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22297
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hiya,
      Colin and Meg, thanks for your posts.  I wasnt going to post till tomorrow, but considering my MIL is here i may not have a chance so ill do it now while its fresh in my mind. And yes Meg, i was tested…. 
      I went for dinner for work tonight, at a venue i used to gamble in.  Its the first time i have been anywhere near machines since i have stopped and while i wasnt stressed at the thought, it did make me a little nervous knowing i would be in such close proximity to them.
      Anyway, dinner was lovely, enjoyed the food (when dont i?, especially the brandy snap basket dessert…..to die for!!) I was chatting with 2 of my co-workers and they wanted to go and play the pokies.  I said i didnt play.  Well, they wanted to know why and asked, and asked…so i told them. I am excluded and i cant go in. They started laughing, thought i was joking until i said, no, seriously, i cant go in, i have a gambling addiction.  They said, lets go for a smoke, so we did and i told them about my addiction, i didnt go into huge detail, but enough for them to know how bad it was for me.  They (one in particular) started telling me how much they liked the pokies, and this is when i started to feel a little, i dont know, pang, chest tightening, something that made me very uncomfortable.
      I told them i didnt advertise it, and i know one will not say anything…the other is a different story and it will proboably be all around work next week but…i told them i am not ashamed of it, that i am a cg and its made me who i am and i have to deal with it every day. And i am dealing with it.  I told them when we went back in that i would be going home.  I didnt enjoy hearing all about their experiences, all good of course.  The mouthy one told me that if her husband didnt have control over the finances she would be in trouble.  She was the one that laughed the loudest.  I dont know if she has a problem, but that is for her to decide.  Anyway, we went in and i left, but not before they called out to me and walked into the pokies smiling and waving.  Now, i dont think it was malicious, but i had quite the urge on the drive home, thank goodness Rick James was singing SuperFreak on the radio, he certainly got my mind off it!! lol.
      So, i survived.  I am not planning to go to dinner at a venue any time soon. I wouldnt say im glad i went, i never want to be in a position to test myself, but this is reality, these things come up.  Its nice to know that i went and walked out without gambling.  I really think if i had gone in they wouldnt have known who i was, with my hair done and make up done i proboably looked completely different from the miserable photo taken of me when i excluded.  Im not willing to find out.  I can now go to bed with a clear conscience, knowing i had enough tools to get me through. 
      I hope you all have a wonderful, gamble free day.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22298
      howanan
      Participant

      Kathryn,  I think you did great.  I too would not want to be tempted that way.  But it was good that you had self-excluded yourself or those urges would had been unbearable.  You know, it is a trigger to me to hear others talk about their wins at gambling.  I know (from past experience) not to get into a conversation with anyone that is talking about gambling or casinos.  It just is not worth the pain and self hatred the next day.  Have a good weekend…..Nancy

    • #22299
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      First off, Congratulations on your six months, wohoooooooooo, you’ve come a long way girl. 
      I’m glad you enjoyed the food (dessert sounds down right decadent) if not completely the company .   You are right, we can’t save the world and it is up to each person to decide if they have a problem.  I know that someday I will be able to say I am a recovering CG with pride but it is very early days for me and some people are just downright condescending.  My fragile  new RCG self just can’t deal with other peoples attitudes.  So far I have picked and chosen well who I share my "secret" with.  Now my husband is another story.  He decided to confide in my in-laws.  My MIL has a big mouth and lives in my same small town.  I am getting some vibes from people that I would not have chosen to share with.  But, it’s not worth the confrontation to tell my MIL what I think and in reality she is only sharing the truth about me.  Just annoyed that it was my truth and I should decide who it’s shared with.
      So I am VERY proud of you for walking right out of there tonight.  With your six months (wohoooooo) under your belt.  You deserved that decadent dessert, lol.  Good for you for picking the right reward for yourself, dessert not gambling. 
      Hope you survive the visit with the MIL.  Take good care of yourself and enjoy your sparkling bathroom and spotless oven lol.
      Talk to you soon,
      Laura

    • #22300
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive had a really busy weekend.  I have the MIL down so of course theres busyness in itself.  But i went shopping Friday as you know, then i went again Saturday, it was insane but i managed to finish my shopping, thank goodness.  I was so tired i came home and had a nanna nap!
      This morning Dames and MIL went shopping.  Now, this made me nervous, i was having a few urges as they always have done the sneaky gamble in the past.  I was imagining them, having a lovely time…little did i know she was dragging Dames from pillar to post shopping…LOL.  As usual, i was making an assumption, will i never learn??
       We had the BBQ lunch at my SIL for the family Christmas which as always was great, they are so funny when they all get together, the 3 brothers (dames included) do nothing but laugh, and im usually laughing at them even though i have no idea what they are talking about.  We got home about 4.30, i then had another sleep on the recliner (im sure it was post shopping syndrome!)  Anyway, it was a good weekend, although i didnt really feel like i had any time off as i was shopping so much. Back to work tomorrow, my goodness, its nearly Christmas!!!!
      Hope you all had a good weekend, take care, Kathryn xxx
      Oh, by the way, i found out im going to be a great aunty again…remember the wedding and my fabulous dress?  Well, the bride is pregnant, turns out she was at the wedding and we have all just found out!  Baby due end of June!!!Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22301
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Congratulations, six months is sooooooo fantastic.  You should be so proud of you!!  Good on you, sounds like you faced that gambling demon head on the other night good for you.  You certainly showed your strength. So pleased for you and hope i can say the same for me one day too
      p

    • #22302
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I need to brag…..my clever daughter got her enter score, after a year of hard work.  It is 74.2 which is fantastic. It also means she got enough to get into her University course. I am so proud i could burst!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22303
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Congrats to Brea Katheryn.  Sounds like she has been working really hard and deserves her reward.  Proud mom must have been doing something right .  We are so quick to blame ourselves for the wrongs we’ve done, we should take a little pride and credit when things go right.  Have a great day!
      Laura

    • #22304
      britt
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn, what a powerful post about telling your co-workers.  Congratulations on six months.  Continue to take it one day at a time.  i am doing fine.  Still unemployed, but more hopeful and thankful than I have ever been.  Things happen for a reason and I wonder about my unemployment being so long.  Maybe it’s because I need to get ready to handle money again.  I have an interview tomorrow, say a prayer for me. 
      Britt

    • #22305
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hey KKKK,
      I havent been on in a while for several reasons, one of them being that my laptop is busted!
      I was just catching up on your journey and I am soooo proud of what you achieved…
      You are a super star…
      Take care Oz
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #22306
      dianne
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, congrats on your six months, you’re doing so well, you’re an inspiration to us all here.
      Dianne
       

    • #22307
      howanan
      Participant

      I’m so happy for you and Brea.  You both have worked hard to accomplish this.  She is an amazing daughter.  You have a right to be proud…………..Nancy

    • #22308
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well Dames lobbed in at 5.30am (i was dead to the world) and woke me up.  He had been to the bank and got some money out and wanted to know where his pay was…did i put it in the bank.  I said i did, and he said, well, where is all the money?  Now, i have made a list of bills that need to be paid over the next 2 weeks, so i can spread them out a little, we have normal car payments, rent, but there is a big electricity bill and phone bill.  I have been paying a bit extra out so that it doesnt seem so daunting at Christmas, plus the presents.  I looked on the statement when i got up and i cant see that there is any problems. Everything is accounted for.  I actually thought we were going really well!!!
      I dont know if he thinks im gambling, im assuming yes as my track record up until the last 6 months has been shocking.  But…this time im telling the truth.  Im going to show him the statement when he gets home, but usually he fobs me off and wont look at it, after all, its easier to be mad at me!
      I dont know what he wants.  We have to live, we have to eat and pay the bills and im doing that as best as i can.  We are up to date, and its still not enough.  It frustrates the hell out of me.  Not to mention being woken up at 5.30 (i am NOT a morning person) I dont quite know what to do about it.
      Anyway, just wanted a vent,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
       Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22309
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ms. K:  I’m sorry to hear of your frustrations.  I suppose it’s normal for Dames to be a little suspicious … we do give them good reason.  However, what I don’t think is fair is that he won’t look at the proof.  Perhaps it’s time to get him more involved in the bill payments etc.  Perhaps let him handle things for a month or two.  My husband leans a bit toward mistrust as well, even though I haven’t really used household funds without informing him of it.  His problem is that he forgets (or just doesn’t pay attention) when I tell him I’ve used money for things other than what they were allocated.  That drives me wild!!  He will always come back and say "I don’t remember you saying that!"  Sometimes it feels like he’s trying to push my buttons.
      Anyway … it’s been a bit since I’ve popped in.  Congratulations, by the way, on Brea’s success.  She sounds like such a lovely, balanced girl.  All of your children sound like a blessing.
      I must say I was more than a little concerned when you went to the casino for dinner the other night.  That is only because I know how I would have been in the same situation.  I’m very happy that you came out safe … but as you and I both know, it could have easily been the other scenario.  Don’t put that kind of stress on yourself, my friend.  It does nothing but harm your sense of inner peace.
      Last Thursday, I went to my first group therapy.  What an incredibly lovely experience.  (No, I am not healed yet … lol!!)  I must say I was dreading facing people … I was petrified that I’d run into someone I knew … but that didn’t happen.  The facilitator was a lovely, peaceful man  … someone who just sets you at ease immediately.  Anyway, what was most interested was the guided meditation at the end.  Heavens, what an experience.  The idea is to experience what it is like to be present in the moment.  The Power of Now and all that.  My first sensation was that my body was lobsided …like one of my shoulders was far out of alignment.  Then, I got the floaty sensation of being alone in a very wide open space.  I could sense my feet on the floor and my bum in my seat … I can’t explain it … like being alone in a wide open universe with the only solid thing being under my feet.  Weird, I know … but lovely.  I CAN tell you that I’ve had many moments since then just bringing myself into the present.  Allowing myself to enjoy the mundane things … just like I am right now.  Making myself aware that I am writing to a good friend miles and miles away, smiling as I’m typing, feeling the keys and being aware of my fingers moving.  Its SO neat …
      I know I’m only telling you about the zen part … but I was blown away by it.  I can’t wait to go back on Thursday … they really do a lot of work on behavioural change.  I can’t wait to see what we’re doing this week.  I know they’re having a Xmas breakfast and I have to bring a wrapped ornament … so sounds like fun too.  I also have an appointment (one-on-one) on Wednesday … so let’s just see where this goes.
      I am back on the train with you my friend … I’m in that 2,000th car right at the end, but I’m going to let your strength keep pulling me on this journey and I’m going to put some power into the back of the train to push you along too.  Keep going … you are a lovely, wonderful spirit and I am proud to know you.  (I can just picture you dancing and singing with the seniors … or the "olds" as you call them??? LOL!!)
      Bye for now … I know this is a very deep post … I hope I didn’t lose you in the depths !
      Love and hugs,
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22310
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      … he said, well, where is all the money? …
      …  I looked on the statement when i got up and i cant see that there is any problems. Everything is accounted for.  I actually thought we were going really well!!!. …
      …I dont know if he thinks im gambling, im assuming yes as my track record up until the last 6 months has been shocking.  But…this time im telling the truth.  Im going to show him the statement when he gets home, but usually he fobs me off and wont look at it, after all, its easier to be mad at me!
      Life is about falling….living is about getting up!
      Good afternoon Kathryn.
      Your story doesn’t sound like a good way to be awaken in the early hours, sounds like a surprise bank audit then a "good morning dear".
      I have a way of dissecting things people say to try to fine hidden or alternative meaning; as to why I do this, I have no answer, nor want one – I even place hypothetical lives upon strangers I pass on the street; furthermore the conclusions I reach more then likely replaces the real meanings with my "belief". Anyway, audits on banks are for good reason, just as your surprise interrogation may, like you said, be for good reason based on your past behaver. I use the word interrogation to show that although I see a reason, I do not agree with the extreme means. When greater trust will replace what you gave him to work with I can not say, but, and again as I read into it, your husbands refusal to look at the books may be, in his own way, a way of showing some returned trust, "if she gathered the information together, I trust that it is true".
      In closing I will use some of your words with a couple of mine added; Life is about falling (or getting knocked down)….living is about getting up!, and, sitting money issues aside, you are not wrong in your thinking, you are actually doing really well – in your recovery, where it counts.
       Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22311
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i am traumatised!!!  I was driving Bailey to school and a great big massive whopping furry grey spider ran across my window, my drivers window, 10cm from my face on the inside of the car!!!!  I was screaming, poor Bailey started screaming because he didnt know what i was screaming at…till he saw the beast.  I pulled over and opened my door, still screaming and told him to get out of the car.  It ran to the outside of my door and luckily for me there was a man there who came over and knocked it onto the ground, and then it ran under my car. I wanted it dead dead dead.  We couldnt see it so i got back in the car and took Bailey to school.  When i got home, i hosed all under my car and the wheels, i swear, i have never been so scared!  It was awful. I have to believe it is not there or i wont be able to drive my car.  My whole body was shaking.
      Damian apologised to me last night so until next time i guess all is well.  We have never had a real conversation about money, i always had control and of course i lied to him all the time with my addiction so i think we need to have a chat in regards to talking about the finances. I need to pick my time though, i dont want it to end in an arguement.
      Today is going to be 40c, and a north wind, yuck.  So i have prepared the house for the heat and will pop on the air-con later.  I will get my washing dry though, one benefit of the heat.  I am working tonight and im hoping the change will come through before then, it gets very hot in there as the residents dont like the air conditioning, they get too cold!!!
      I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22312
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Forty degrees …. aarrrrggg!!!  We’re going to -20C tonight!!!  Can you send a few degree my way … please!!  Now I am trying to recondition my brain to loving the cold, but heavens … knowing that somewhere in the world is 60 degrees warmer is a bit much, don’t you think?   Anyway, it’s worse out west … they got to -48 the other day, poor buggers!!!  Kathryn, I know you have no concept of what that means so let me just tell you.  In that kind of cold, the liquid in you eyes and nose freezes in seconds.  You actually have icicles from your nose, cos it tends to drip in that weather.  It’s extremely dangerous, because your skin literally freezes in four minutes or less and frostbite is a REAL danger.  Anyway … that’s my northern clime lesson for the day, lol.  Many of our doggies wear coats and boots … it’s hilarious really.
      Ok, so the spider.  Hmmm … I’ve heard about those Aussie spider … I’m picturing a great hulking monster … the size of my hand at least.  Thank goodness you didn’t drive into a tree … I think I may have jumped out of the moving car!!!  I want to visit the land of Oz sometime, but the creepy crawlies are a bit of a deterrent.  Kinda like when my hubby and I went to Costa Rica before the kids were born.  A real adventure trip.  Good Lord … EVERYTHING crawls, jumps, flies or slithers there.  I spent the ENTIRE two weeks driving with the roof up (we had rented a convertible to enjoy the rainforests, etc, but I was too afraid of snakes dropping into the car.  Let me tell you, we went through forests in the depths of Central America with about three words of Spanish between us.  We encountered scorpions, snakes, flying cockroaches and jumping spiders that peed on you when you slept leaving great acid burns.  Yup … a REAL adventure .  Anyway, I digress … back to your grey monster.  I’m sure he is a long way from your car … and glad to be away from the screaming she-creature he encountered, lol.
      Lots more to chat about, but look for you online tonight.
      Talk soon good buddy.  Roger … over and out … and all that.
      Love, RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22313
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hey i wanted to say congratulations for Brea!  What an accomplishment for her you must be very very proud of her.  She sounds a beautiful daughter.  So does your family.  I really admire you for how far you have come, you should be really really proud of you for what you have accomplished too.
      I had really strong urges yesterday so got to a meeting.  It helped today i have woken a lot stronger.  No way im going back to that misery again. The urges get  so strong but i am willing to do what it takes to stop them.  Im learning not to get complacent. 
      I look forward to the group chats too i seem to miss a lot of them but am going to try to get on there more it makes it fun when we can all chat
      see you soon
      P

    • #22314
      kathryn
      Participant

      Round 2…..
      I was driving home from work last night when i happened to look up and saw 8 hairy legs disappearing over my windscreen onto my car roof.  The beast has not left the building!!! so its outside of the car, and i pull over in the dark and jumped out, trying to see if i could see it, to squash it into kindgdom come, but alas, nothing.
      I had the heebie jeebies all the way home, i had to drive home knowing that it was on my car…AAAAHHHHH!  Sheer terror!  I kept feeling like something was crawling on me, i had my shirt pulled tight around my neck and i kept letting out little screams every time i felt the tiniest thing.  It was awful.  Why wont it go away, what is it about my little car that it loves so much.  I dont know how im going to drive it today.
      I have a spider stalker!!!
      When i got home Bailey tells me there was another one in the house and im standing right near it! I nearly had a coronary, but i think Dames got it with the flyspray.  I always find them when we have had hot weather and there is rain on the way.  I am freaking out!!!
      Im thinking of spraying the whole car with flyspray, inside and out, just to ease my mind, if its there, the flyspray will surely do its work.  Spiders terrify me, im ok with the little ones but this is the BIGGEST one i have seen for a long time. 
      I have to go to town today to meet Damian, in my car!!!! If i dont post in the next few days you know that the spider has won the battle, im just thinking, ill take a spare shoe with me and i can squash it if it is inside the car.  If that man had done it yesterday i wouldnt be writing this so i blame him!!!
      Anyway, enough ranting, i hope you are all having a wonderful gamble (and spider) free day.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22315
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Beep, beep, beep, "Warning" beep, beep, "Warning" beep, beep!! Do I have your attention?? OK, ‘cos I have something to share.  Went to my one-on-one counselling today.  Spoke about everything under the sun … including my Aussie friend and her marvellous ability to start the journey and not stop for six months when all I did was fall, get up, fall, get!!  Anyway … counsellor said it was VERY common to get to a milestone (say six months for argument sake, lol) and then do the "test".  She called it "opening the back door".  So what happens is the person goes to the venue and successfully walks away.  But a few days/weeks later finds themselves sitting in front of a machine.  She says it’s very common.  Anyway, please don’t be angry for bringing you up, I was mentioning you in a VERY positive context as one of my excellent supports and to whose success I aspire. And of course there is COMPLETE anonymity since I haven’t a clue who you are in real life.  Anyway …I wanted to mention it because although I don’t believe you will fall into this trap, I wanted to be certain to post any potential warnings.
      There …. now I’ll just go back to minding my own bloody business, lol!
      About the spider.  I’ve come to the conclusion that he is in fact your guardian angel.  The reason he is so scary is because he wants to be effective.  The thing is he is letting you know he’s there … watching you.  And if you go to the casino again, he will appear again … LOL!!  I AM a cow today … don’t get mad … I’m cackling at the screen …
      OK, ’nuff silliness for the day.  It’s snowing great, gorgeous, fluffy flakes here in the North.  I hope things have cooled down to more comfortable temps for you.
      SOOOO looking forward to group tomorrow.  They’re having a Xmas brekky, so I have to go out tonight and buy my Secret Santa gift.  Will post my "learnings" on my thread a little later this evening.This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22316
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      Just a quick one to say a belated well done on your 6 months, that is a fantastic achievement and you have helped so many people along the way.
      Heres to the next 6 months
      Cheers
      CarlMy soul is back

    • #22317
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn in reply to a runninggirl post.

      … I know it seems that i have just stopped, made the decision and that is that.
                         —– your story —– 
      … That is when i realised that i had truly had enough.  I hated my life and everything about it and it was time to change.  That was on June 10th this year. 
      … my strength and resolve not to return to that horrible person i was is so strong and is at the front of my mind all the time. …
      … What i do know, is that i am so much happier
       
      Dear Kathryn, I just read your post to RG an have to respond to it.  First, this is the first I have read of your gambling story, I have not read all your post from the beginning so it is a good chance that I missed it. I have read about you life during your recovery but not this.  You have came a long way.
      Change a few adjectives and your story about how you reached your decision is mine. So is the report on your resolve, we share that also. We also share in living a happier life.  The biggest difference is that I have to say, "That was on August 13th this year" I had to live an additional two months in the hell we shared.
      Keep your awareness fresh, and continue acting on your resolve.  I pray that we both do the same.
      God bless.
      Larry

      "Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.– 12/17/2009 12:23:58 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22318
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi K,
      finally having a chance to catch you with you.  And wouldn’t you know I’ve missed important events.  Great bounding husbands and scary hairy spiders lol.  I’m glad Damian apologized.  I think you are right, pick your time and discuss finances.  It has taken 20 years but now that my accountant (aka mom) is helping with my budget and we keep going over, my hubby has started to take an interest.  He is actually participating in cost saving ventures such as putting on a pot of coffee instead of going to the drive through.
      Now, your great creepy hairy spider is giving me the shivers all the way over here.  I am petrified of spiders, even the small ones.  I probably would have crashed the car.  You brave brave woman to get back into it.  I will probably never make it to Australia for the very fact that you have spiders as big as your head lol.  Not to mention snakes, alligators, crocodiles, and all sorts of other wonderfully dangerous creatures.   I hope your adventures with the spider are over. Although you can always take Harry’s suggestion and wear a bee keepers suit lol.
      Anyway, I’m off to a group chat at Safe Harbour.  Take care and talk to you soon,
      Laura

    • #22319
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      That spider is relentless!  Must say i am scared stupid of them, so bad that i can’t sleep if one is inside untill it is outside.  Congratulations on that half a year girl, you should be so proud of you!! Might see you on chat soon hey.
      P

    • #22320
      howanan
      Participant

      Kathryn,  I did exactly what RG said.  I was 6 months gamble free.  I got complacent and let down my guard.  I gambled.  I did come back here and started this journey again.  I am deathly afraid of bees not spiders.  I steped on a nest of yellow jackets when I was a child.  The neighbors had to use baking soda and pull them off me.  They were stuck to me all over, under my arms, etc.  Scary and painful.   Have a great day Kathryn……….Nancy…Each day is a lifetime in minature….

    • #22321
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      I think it is Friday morning for you, still Thursday evening for me. Wanted to stop in and wish you a good day and see if there were any more updates on your pet spider.  Have you given him a name yet?  How bout Harry lol.  Just don’t get them confused and squash the wrong one. 
      I’ve had a fairly relaxing day finally.  Slept in a bit.  Caught a group chat here today.  Went for physio this afternoon and ran a couple of quick errands.  Spent some quality time with hubby and now I get to spend some time reading and posting.  Everyday should be a day off lol.
      Well, not much else new with me. Oh, but now that I think about it. I overcame a small urge today.  I received a Christmas cheque in the mail, for $800.  It was for $200 each for myself, my husband and our two kids.  I had to take it to the bank and cash it and bring home $600 for everyone else’s shares.  I left mine in the bank.  When I had $600 cash in my itchy little hands I had a little surge of excitement, like I used to when I’d take a wad of cash out to gamble.  But I tucked that thought away, I’d be found out very quickly if i gambled everyone’s christmas money.  And then I drove home.  I forgot all about the money in my wallet, never even gave it to everyone when I got home.  Just remembered it now, lol.  I will have to give it everyone right away!  So no more temptation.
      Well, going to do some more reading and posting (once I hand out the cash stash lol).  Have an awesome gamble free day Kathryn.  Take good care,
      laura

    • #22322
      p
      Participant

      Hi there Kathryn
      Thought i would pop in and say hi,  ive become a bit of a compulsive poster, better that than the other hey.  I have been on group a few times, its great isnt it.  Anyway i wish you a good day today, always thanks for your support
      P

    • #22323
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ms. K:  Hope all is well in the Land of Oz!!  It’s Friday night here and I’m posting my little heart out (and pigging out like you would not believe!!!)  Hey, ’tis the season, and all that jazz. 
      Bet you haven’t seen your creepy crawly friend, huh?  That’s because he won’t come out again unless you gamble.  SO, if you stay on your current path, you have no worries, my friend.  Lester the guardian angel/spider is just looking out for your best interests, LOL!
      Anyway, silliness aside.  I’m seriously contemplating going to clean the guinea pigs’ cage even though it’s almost 9:30 p.m.  It’s that or go and read my new magazines …. hmmm what a dilemma!!  Guinea pig poop/luxurious glossy magazine/guinea pig poop ….???  I think perhaps the poop can wait another day.
      Hubby is out at his Friday night game with his cronies.  He’s being a bit of a pill as you may read on my thread, but … BUT I’m finding he’s less able to push my buttons.  I’m learning …. very slowly … to just face the anger and annoyance … and eventually it passes and I didn’t even rush out to gamble.  I pray this lasts … it feels like a wonderful breakthrough.
      I’m yabbering on … it’s time for me to go.
      Will chat soon.
      Love, RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22324
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Chiquita:  Where are you?  Out in the gorgeous sunshine (WITH sunblock on), I hope.  Just got back from walking the dogs before I head out to my best friend for the night.  It’s been a while, I’ve seriously neglected her, so I’m looking forward to this. 
      Pop in and post soon.  Stay strong as you have.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22325
      howanan
      Participant

      No fair……… You sitting outside in your bikini and I am pushing the dog outside in this blizzard to go pee.  Yep, we are working on our seond foot of snow.  The wind gust have made the snow drifts 5 ft. high.   But I am here in my home office posting and not in a  casino somewhere out there in this blizzard.  I did go out earlier today and was thinking about doing the snow angel thing.  But damn it was cold out.  So I just stomped around alittle bit in the snow (up to the top of my boots) came inside and have been reading, watching tv, and on the computer.  I watched The Susan Boyle story.  It was good.  Oh well, don’t get a sun burn while I will try not to get a freezer burn.  Love ya, Nancy…Each day is a lifetime in miniature….

    • #22326
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Nancy and RG, if you only knew…..i hate disapointing you but ive been working. I know, how boring, wiping bums, making beds, helping with meals, wound dressing, writing care plans, handing out pills.  The sun has definitely been out, but alas, no bikini wearing for me!!!!
      I have been reading, but i have been too tired to post, its the next thing i do in the morning after making my coffee, but i havent had a lot of time before work unfortunately.  I did go out for dinner last night for Damians work break up, his boss is really good to him, he got a magnificent ham, a slab of been and a $500 bonus!!! How good is that?  He took $200 as he needed ‘stuff’, including my Christmas present so that wasnt too bad, i scored $300 towards bills for Christmas. We went to a really nice local restaurant for dinner, views of the pier and the bay, lots of wine flowing and the meal was magnificent (all paid for, even better!!!) I of course had 3 courses and could barely walk afterwards (nothing to do with the wine…read on)
      I ordered a glass of wine (note the ‘a’) as i had to be up at 5.30 this morning, but they bought a bottle.  Now, i dont like to be rude…lol, so i couldnt just have 1 glass.  I had a whole 3!!!! I was quite tipsy as i dont drink wine a lot and i have to say i am absolutely exhausted and feel like i could go to bed and sleep for a week.  Work was really busy today (of course) but all in all i have had a good weekend.  No time to think of gambling, by the time i got home from work yesterday, coloured Breas hair, she straightened mine, shower, make up, quick coffee, it was time to go. 
      Damian is making me roast lamb for dinner tonight, like i need more food!  Ive come home to a clean house, washing done, dishes done, boys playing lovely, what more could i ask for.  I can now relax as i have tomorrow off.  
      I hope you all had a great weekend, dont worry, ill get to you all eventually!!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
      Oh, by the way, no sightings of the spider, although i am still carrying the slipper in the car just in case!!!! 
       Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22327
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      You sound like you had a blast at Damians work do.  Sorry to heary you are feeling tired, my son and i are too lately.  Had to laugh at the 3 that is funny!  You had a great time that is wonderful.  How good to come to such a wonderful family that would really be nice.  You are doing so so well
      P

    • #22328
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      … ive been working. I know, how boring, wiping bums, making beds, helping with meals, wound dressing, writing care plans, handing out pills. 

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Your job might seem boring to others, or even yourself, but the dedication and compassion is also much appreciated.
      Thanks to your kind for assisting my brother.
      God bless you, and stay true to your work.Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22329
      marilee
      Participant

      Hello K!  Haven’t read too far back on your thread, just catching up as far as the Christmas party stuff.  Like you, three drinks would probably put me on my a$s.  I won the gift basket raffle at work, it contained a bottle of Baileys.  Now, I rarely drink (I had ONE drink this year, whoo hoo I’m a party girl), but I love Baileys in my coffee.  I’ll be hopped up on pain killers after my dental surgery on Wednesday, but I definitely intend to open the bottle when I feel better and just enjoy a lovely Baileys and coffee.  Want to join me?  I’m sure there’s enough for three for both of us! lol
      I’m not sleeping these days, up at 2, up at 4 etc., so I’ll soon be returning to bed to catch up.  I get about 10 days off over Christmas and New Years, so I plan to try and get "regular" during that time.  No, not the usual definition of regular, but at least 4 solid hours of sleep without waking up would be swell. 
      I’m happy with my life K, it’s been a bit of work to get here.  The only thing that would make it better would be to have my long distance sweetie with me, but I am so grateful that he is a part of my life.  When you open your mind and heart to change, good things happen.  Have a great Sunday, hope that involves no bum-wiping!
       

    • #22330
      cully21
      Participant

      HI Kathryn:
      I just want to say when I see a post on my thread with your name on it, it is a sight for sore eyes. I haven’t read all of your thread but are you in the medical proffession? I take my hat off to all in that proffession from the nurse aid on up. Whatever you do, I can tell you have empathy and compasision. I hope you have a good day.
      Cully21

    • #22331
      p
      Participant

      Morning Kathryn
      Im up early with my cuppa before my boy wakes up.  This is my favourite time to post and get these words fresh in my mind for the day to help me through the urges.  Im still having them but have been pretty much really really working at this recovery non stop.  I have posted a zillion times i feel in the last few days.  One day i hope to catch you online at the same time seeing as we are in the same time zone.  Anyway just saying hi again and my admiration is always with you for your strength in this recovery process.  Your posts are always such a pleasure to read.  I hope you have a good rest and break over these holidays with your family. 
      P

    • #22332
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Was great to see you on group, i have been hanging out to get there lately.  I hope to catch more of them.  I didnt sleep last night so still posted more.  Having big trouble with my emotions but i know it will be ok.  I will get through.  I am going to say a prayer for me today, to help me.  Im still excited and happy though that i have not gambled.  Things just coming to the surface i guess.  What would i do without this site????
      Anyway have a fantastic christmas with your family all the best
      P

    • #22333
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well ive had a busy couple of days, yesterday i got a phone call from Jodies husband, she had gastro and he was at work, so i went over and helped with the kids, im just praying to god i dont get it, i have an iron stomach so hopefully ill be safe.  I had to take Brea to her girlfriends for a lunch, i really need that girl to get her licence, but we have to wait until the 28th Jan.  I will have so much more time, not having to run her around everywhere.
      Last night we took the boys for a drive to see the Christmas lights, it was really lovely, although not as many as usual.  They have a competition in the paper for the best around the Peninsula, and i voted for the one in my town (of course)
      The boys have been scarily good, I LOVE SANTA…he is the best threat, im always telling them there are elves hiding in the garden watching their every move.  They are too scared to do anything in case they are spotted by the elves!!!
      Im really looking forward to Christmas, my sister and nephew are coming to stay Christmas eve so that will be lovely, she can help me wrap the 500 presents i bought!!!  Harry and i are going to stay with her on New Years eve, as Dames and Bailey will be away and Brea is going partying.  I have quite a bit to do in the next couple of days, cleaning wise, so that will keep me busy and the thoughts at bay.
      Anyway, i do hope everyone has a safe and happy Christmas and new year.  Thank you all for being my friend, i feel absolutely blessed to have found you.
      Take care, bye for now,Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22334
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hah!!!  I beat you!!!   Finally … I beat you at something!!! (I’m doing the little Rumpelstiltskin dance !)  Not only are you kicking my ass at this recovery time (round the corner and back again!!), but you also had your Xmas tree up before me and most of your shopping done.  NOW …. I’m happy to report that ALL my prezzies are wrapped and under the tree, and have been since the 13th …. Ne-he-he-he-he (that’s my witch cackle!!)
      Ok, I understand that you can’t put the prezzies under yet, ‘cos of the whole Santa thing.  That was me until last year when I FINALLY had to stop fabricating all the stories for how Santa can possibly be in so many places in one night.  They make it very real in North America … tracking Santa on our news channels … with reports of sightings from NASA and stuff.  Do that do that downunder too?  My parents-in-law live VERY far North where we’re talking eight feet high snow piles.  We went there every single year from the time the kids were babies.  It was a very grand time and my MIL actually had some very sweet traditions with them.  At 9 pm, she would take them to see Santa’s landing strip.  An entire street would put tea lights in paper bags out on the sidewalk.  In the night, it actually would look like a landing lights at an airport.  Isn’t that cool???  Then she would read The Night Before Xmas with them in front of the fireplace from an incredibly beautiful pop-up book and they would go to bed.  Then (FABULOUS DIL that I am) she and I would bundle up and go to midnight Mass at a cathedral in town.  Nice tradition, but because the kids are older now, and they want our own family traditions, we’re staying home this year.  I’m feeling a little bit sad about that, and as a result fighting off a few urges.
      I’m from a very large family, but just the four of us will be having Xmas together this year.  My Dad, three sisters and a brother are overseas in sunny SA, and the sister who is having the family together on this side lives over two hours drive away.  I don’t want to do the long drive this year.  My bestie has family from overseas and will be crazy busy over Xmas, so it’s unlikely I’ll see her on the day.  I wish I could shake this melancholy feeling.
      It’s funny, in group last week, they discussed how people deal with depression and sadness over the season.  I’ve never felt it sad during the season, but I do now.  This year, I’m feeling left behind and alone … STUPID I know.  I have my kids who are bursting out of their skin with excitement, my husband who works hard and loves his family, my everloving dog and guinea pigs, nice neighbours, nice-enough house, great cyber friends … WHAT is my problem?  I know what I need to do to improve things (too long to explain here), but even without doing it, why would I be feeling SO down.  I need to pull up my bloody socks, don’t you think?
      Anyway, please don’t take offense to my intro … sometimes the competitive me gets outta control, LOL!!  I know we’ll probably talk before then, but if not, have a GORGEOUS Xmas!!  Eat, drink and be merry, my friend, and I hope "Santa Baby" is good to you.  We too have great Boxing Day sales, but I doubt I’ll be venturing to the stores with all the raving lunatics tearing around fighting over deals. 
      Enjoy!!
      Love and hugs.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22335
      vera
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn! You certainly are making up for lost time with Brea! I was glad to read a few pages back that she did you(and herself) proud in her final exams. Great to see such achievements! I can imagine the boys’ faces on Christmas morning when they see their Santa surprises. You have done SO well to stay away from gambling for over 6 months Kathryn. You deserve to have a great Christmas! You and I will have our feet up. I’m dashing out to do some shopping now. The car and roads are frozen over.I dread moving along on uncertain ground, but I suppose that’s life real life! As soon as I go to work tomorrow, I will have to switch off. Twelve hour shifts are too long! I never minded doing them in the “dungeon” though! Talk soon!

    • #22336
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      YUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      I have visitors about to invade any minute when I read that an Australian doesn’t know what mulled wine is.
      I am left wondering what is to become of us all.
      I will sneak off at some point and write to you but in the meantime I am toooooooooooo shocked to think there is someone with so little knowledge of this scrumtious beverage.
      There were 4 of us in front of the fire so I did drink most of it and now I have to lie down from the effects and the shock. 
      Loads of Love as Ever
      Velvet hic xxxxxxxxxx

    • #22337
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had an unbelieveably busy night at work, we have lots happening and i got home quite late, tonight we are having a Christmas dinner, we all take a plate and try to sit down together for a minute, which is lovely. My mum is making a pavlova for me to take, only because she made me one last time we did this and everyone raved about it so i went to her place and begged her for another one (which of course, she loved!!!)
      I have lots of running around to do today, Brea to work, Bailey is having a friend over so i have to go and pick him up, i need to get to the post office and pick up some stuff (postal strike here at the moment!) i need to get into town at some stage (so much for being finished..are you reading this RG???) although i dont have to get much, more cleaning at home, i have to clean out the fishbowl…one died yesterday and the other one is in a weeny bowl until i can clean the big one, i need to do a bit of shopping for Christmas morning, food wise, it just goes on and on.  And i have to work tonight!!!
      Im also having trouble sleeping and that NEVER happens to me.  I can go to sleep anywhere, anytime, but i think im overloaded with things i have to do.  Once Christmas is over im sure ill be fine.
      Well, lets look on the brightside, at least i dont have time to think about gambling!!!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22338
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      just catching up.  It’s wonderful that you are soooo excited about Christmas this year.  So much better than stressing because the christmas money was donated to the slot machines.  I’m still trying not to overdo it, so short notes from me over the next few days. I may try and catch the late night group tonight if I can stay awake.  I was up til 1:15am  last night, so not like me either.  Take care and keep enjoying that anticipation of Christmas with your family. 
      Laura

    • #22339
      p
      Participant

      Hi busy bee
      You are making my head spin reading your post.  My christmas will be very quiet .  Im taking my son shopping today to get yummy food for our christmas.  Good luck on getting a car park with that one today hey.  I will be happy to get in some air con it will be sooooo crowded, something im not great with.  But at least i can go shopping this year!!!  Merry christmas Kathryn.  Im waiting till next year to start my health plan, it sure aint happening now !!!! hehe
      P

    • #22340
      p
      Participant

      Hey i think i just posted to you as you posted to me heheehe.  See you on group tonight if im awake.  I have been having trouble sleeping too.  I went on group at 3am once.  Off to the shops i go eeeeeek
      cya round
      P

    • #22341
      howanan
      Participant

      Busy, busy, busy.  Isn’t that what they say, keep to busy to think about gambling.  I too have to go shopping for food today.  We are all out of breakfast making stuff and since the husband will be home for 3 mornings we NEED breakfast.  At least he does.  He stopped at the store the other day for scrapple, came home and cooked us breakfast.  This doesn’t happen often though.  I am taking the two granddaughter home to spend the night so their mom can finish her shopping and wrapping.  I gave her money to buy the girls gifts from me.  Usually she gives me the gifts to wrap.  They are still in her attic, so she said she would wrap them.  Great idea.  Since they each get $200.00 that’s alot of gifts to wrap.  And since tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we have a dinner to go to, I would have to stuff everything in bags.  So I am grateful she is going to do the wrapping.  When you get a chance slow down and smell the roses… And I will smell the poinsettas…………….Merry Christmas………….Nancy***An addiction is what it is.  It is a hard thing, to face up to an addiction.  It can take over your life.  Make you do things you wouldn’t do otherwise.***

    • #22342
      paul315
      Participant

      Season’s Greetings
      Kathryn, just a quick post to wish you and your entire family a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year wit you being gambling free.  Your being here has been a great help in making mine enjoyable.  Your sharing your life, has shown be that there is a better life, all we have to do is pick ourselves up and live it.
      God’s speed.Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22343
      paul315
      Participant

      Season’s Greetings
      Kathryn, just a quick post to wish you and your entire family a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year with you being gambling free.  Your being here has been a great help in making mine enjoyable.  Your sharing your life, has shown be that there is a better life, all we have to do is pick ourselves up and live it.
      God’s speed.Larry"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.

    • #22344
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Aussie Girl!!  Larry has reminded me that you will be celebrating Xmas in a matter of hours, while we’re still back here stuck on Wednesday night.  I’m sure you’re running around like a mad woman trying to get things done.  I don’t envy you the task of all the wrapping tonight.  (I still have a few tiny ones to wrap, but will do that in a bit.)  Oh, and I still have to do my ENTIRE grocery shop, but will do that later too … maybe about 10 p.m., so that the crowds have dissipated a bit.
      Got my Xmas ‘do at the hairdresser … cut, color, the whole nine.  I’m feeling pretty SASSY, let me tell you!  Just got back from walking the dogs and … it’s BLOODY cold out there.  But they’re happy, so that’s good. 
      K, I’m so glad you joined this forum.  You’ve added an element of fun and have set a marvellous example of tenacity.  I wish you, Dames, and the kidlets all the very best of the season!  I hope Santa is very good to you (although I daresay, you’ve given yourself the very best Xmas gift of all).
      Hope to chat soon.
      Hugs.
      RG 
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22345
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn its christmas eve
      Just about to watch the christmas shows with my son.  He is absorbed in it so thought i would quickly get on here and post for a few minutes.  Have a great day tomorrow.  You deserve it.
      P
       

    • #22346
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      you are probably now in the middle of your gift wrapping marathon lol. 
      Take care,
      Laura
      I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and hope you have a holiday season filled with peace and joy. All the best to you and yours. Enjoy your day, it is as much a celebration of your gambling free life as it is of Christmas.

    • #22347
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hello everyone and Merry Christmas!!!!!!!
      Well, my day is over, Christmas is done in my house and i have to say, we had a fantastic time.  Christmas eve was spent catching up with my extended family, my great neices and nephews who are just gorgeous and having a meal and a laugh, i got some lovely gifts, my neice who went on her extended honeymoon around the world gave me a framed photo she had taken in machu picchu which is absoulutely beautiful.  I got jewellry, a dinner set, all sorts of things, all lovely.
      This morning i got a screaming wake up call at 5.50am, which of course sent me flying out of bed and screaming myself…..ITS CHRISTMAS!!!
      The kids had paper flying everywhere, it was fantastic and they loved all the presents, i was really pleased with what i had given them. My sister and nephew had stayed over last night so i had lots of helpers with the wrapping, it really didnt take long at all.  After a big breakfast we headed to the besties and saw her kids, then mums for lunch.  On arriving home, i headed straight to bed and had a 3 hour nanna nap!!!!! so now im sitting here in my pj’s, Dames is making something for dinner and im reflecting on the last year….i know it didnt happen, but i cant help but wondering what our christmas could have been like if things hadnt gone our way in the DNA test.  It would have been a very different Christmas i think, so i have enjoyed this one all the more as you really never know whats around the corner.
      As for gambling, or not gambling i should say, it has been a special Christmas, the first one that i havent gambled for so long.  I didnt miss it at all, in fact, it never entered my head for one tiny millisecond.  Seeing the kids faces, hearing them say it was the best Christmas ever made it all the better, and i have given myself the best Christmas present of all, my sanity, my self worth, my happiness, my life.
      I hope you all have  a great day, im thinking of you all right this very second.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22348
      kathryn
      Participant

      PS…sorry about the enormous writing, i just wanted to make Merry Christmas really big and then i couldnt make it smaller…lol.Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22349
      marilee
      Participant

      Oh sure, I forget the time difference and so I don’t get the chance to wish you a Merry Christmas when it actually arrived.  I don’t care, I’m gonna do it anyways……Merry Christmas Kathryn!!!   It is early Christmas morning, and my daughter hasn’t woken up yet, so I’ve got the time to type out a few messages.  I’m glad you had such a wonderful day, it sounds like joyous chaos.  A Christmas you deserve…

    • #22350
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hello Kathryn,
      didn’t have a chance to ready your post above about your Christmas day, I want to do that when I have a chance to sit and enjoy lol.  I am inbetween turkey dinners and it is time to leave for round 2!  Sorry I didn’t get a chance to stay at group today, I knew that as soon as I sat down my son would wake up.  Didn’t help that our 60 pound dog came flying downstairs with me and jumped on the pull out with my son, lol.  Anyway, will catch up with you soon.  Take care and have a lovely day.
      laura

    • #22351
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Happy Xmas and I hope you have a great new year
      Cheers
      CarlMy soul is back

    • #22352
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Sounds like you had a fabulous chrissy.  How exciting sounds like a big whirlwind of happiness.  We had a quiet chrissy but really enjoyed it.  We are heading off for movies today for boxing day.  Having a  great time not gambling, the emotions are settling a bit.  All the best for your boxing day
      P

    • #22353
      linnie44
      Participant

      Merry Christmas! *life is good

    • #22354
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I have been wanting to post all day, but there are 2 reasons i havent. Firstly, i went to the sales today and whilst i didnt get much and didnt think much of it, my daughter had a ball, so it was worth the trip. She is starting to buy things in readyness for her moving out, which will proboably not be for at least a year so by then she will have a house load!!!
      The second reason i have been putting off posting is that i have been thinking for the last 2 days about what my christmas could have been like if Fester (i know, i said it, last time i promise) had been right.  I know she wasnt, i know things turned out how we had hoped, but my god, how on earth would i have handled it.  I am so thankful that i dont ever have to find out.  I think maybe it made me even more grateful about my family.  Maybe because a new year is looming around the corner….this time last year i would have been at a venue, throwing my money away.  Who knew that halfway through the year something so huge would hit this house that my life was completely turned upside down and inside out.  I have always said that things happen for a reason, and never has it been more true than this year.  I was meant to stop gambling when i did, so as i could deal with the paternity nightmare with a clear head. I truly think that if i had been gambling, Dames and i would not have made it through, because of course, i wouldnt have been here. We would not have talked all those nights about what was happening, we would have grown further apart and i dont think our relationship would have survived it all. 
      Jode said something interesting to me last night, she said that she used to come over (i of course was gambling) Christmas night (i also never knew) and when she drove into my driveway last night, she was gripped with fear that my car wouldnt be in the driveway and i had gone gambling.  Of course, i was home, but it just made me realise how much those around me were affected during those years. I missed out on a lot. 
      Anyway, i needed to get those thoughts out, i havent spoken to Damian about it all and i dont know if i really need to, i dont like dredging things up usually, but i have to say, you were all there for me and i know you understand how my head was (or wasnt) during that time.  Ive said before, this time of year makes me nostalgic.
      I have truly enjoyed Christmas this year, everything that has happened in the last 6 months has bought me here, and im quite happy where i am right now.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22355
      grantlivermoore
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I’ve followed your thread from day one, you’re an inspiration to us all.. I’ve been in recovery for about 5 years, but I’m still learning about me and find bits in your posts that help me challenge the way I look at life. So I thank you for your continued honest, funny, inspiring posts
      Happy New Year to you and your family
      Best Wishes
      Grant

    • #22356
      vera
      Participant

      HAPPY “SPECIAL” CHRISTMAS KATHRYN! YOU SURVIVED WITHOUT YOUR “LOVER”! REALITY BEATS ESCAPE! VERY WELL DONE ON YOUR AMAZING SUCCESS SINCE WE FIRST MET IN JUNE 2009!all the sevens

    • #22357
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I have had a chance to read your Christmas post and your boxing day post.  Firstly, you are so right, you have given yourself the best Christmas gift ever, and by giving to yourself you were then able to give a special Christmas gift to your family.  You were able to bring them all together in a special celebration of love and life.  The best gift they could have gotten .  These past six months could have turned out so different, but they didn’t.  Thank God!  All the more reason to cherish what you have.  And, if something is on your mind, it is worth sharing.  Sometimes just getting things out here are enough to give that release of pressure that lets us get back to where we want to be.  Huggggggs Kathryn.  Thank-you for sharing with us and thanks for all of your support.  Oh, and this is a little late getting back to you, but, no I didn’t think that you were avoiding me.  I tend to get a little insecure by times, but I am working on that along with the rest of my recovery.  It seems I have just a few character flaws lol.  But I guess they are part of what makes me me.  Hope you enjoy the rest of your holidays.  It has been a pleasure knowing you in 2009.  Look forward to getting to know you better in 2010.
      Laura

    • #22358
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi K:  Boxing Day night and I am exhausted … and a basket case (but you knew that much)!  Had my sister-in-law, her husband, our niece and her husband and two boys over for dinner.  Made the whole shebang … turkey, potatoes, yams, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and all imaginable veggies.  I’m am VERY close to being sick of food.  I honestly think I can live on salads for the next few days.  The only thing is I haven’t had one of my very faves for the season … candy cane ice cream.  Could there be anything more divine?  I will get some of it tomorrow and then that will be it.  I will be officially off food. (At least for 3 hours, LOL!)
      Anyway, the festive season does make you think, doesn’t it?  I’ve been in a bit of a spiral tonight … partly exhaustion, partly hormonal, partly reality.  Watched The Holiday (I know, old) with Kate Winslet and bawled my eyes out.  So, I’msitting here with a warm cider and a huge box of caramel chocolate to soothe my soul.  I invited my nieces kids to stay the night … they SO love being with their second cousins … but of course ended the night with dire warnings if they didn’t go to sleep.  Stayed up until after 1:00 … little scamps.
      K:  It’s ok that you look back at what happened … it was a major event.  However, from my vantage point, it looks like it’s brought you and your husband closer, it reminded you how much you value what you have … so a hidden blessing!
      I haven’t intentionally been ohmmming down the lines, but if you’ve been catching some of my peaceful, thankful, living-in-the-now vibes, then all the better. LOL!. Anyway, the screen is blinking and I’m afraid I’m going to lose this so that’s it for now.  Will post on my thread later.
      Ciao bella.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22359
      marilee
      Participant

      Morning K…..glad you had the energy to run through the shops on Boxing Day.  My daughter and I hit one store, bought two great items, and booked it outta there.  For the record, my exciting purchase was an over-the-door shoe hanger.  Party on!
      You and RG and really pi$$ing me off about your talk of food! lol  Since my dental surgery I have had some soft muffins which take me an hour to eat (one crumb at a time), 44 cans of gingerale and 12 mini quiche.  And enough Tylenol to sink the Queen Mary.  I was thinking of really stepping out today and having some soup. 
      The weather here couldn’t be more beautiful, not a cloud in the sky and a crisp kind of cold.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t look all around me and realize I was meant to be here, home….the mountains are in my soul.  Although, with my love for rubber shoes (flip flops, thongs, whatever they are called there) I might consider moving in with you for a short while! 
      I was remembering two years ago (and several Christmases before that) about how annoyed I was that the casino was closed on Christmas Day.  If you could go see a movie on Christmas Day, why couldn’t you gamble?  On Boxing Day I was in line for when the doors opened at 10 a.m.  Imagine, deprived of one whole day of gambling in the whole year.  On that note, my heart tipped a little when you wrote about Jode arriving Christmas night, afraid of not finding you home.  Had we ever been in our rational minds when we were gambling, that alone would have stopped you.  But all you can do now is thank God or whoever that your rational mind is back. 
      Have a great day recovering!  I’m hoping to get out of my pajamas today…ah, they should write a book about my life.

    • #22360
      britt
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I’m wishing you a great New Year, along with love, peace and joy for you and all yours.  I am doing fine, no great urges this week  I had my third interview with the same company and I am supposed to hear something this week.  Thank you for your prayers, I know a job will come through.

    • #22361
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a big day yesterday…we had the market and it was BUSY!!! We have all the holiday makers here at the moment, it was great weather for it, although i did get a sunburnt nose!! I did not stop for 3 hours straight, we had a line a mile long, but my step dad was thrilled…we sold out.
      Im working this evening so im spending the day on the house, Dames has the week off so at least i dont have to worry about whats for tea, he can do it.  Last night i went and had coffee at my besties and we watched re-runs of glee, that is the funniest show and the singing is fantastic.  Im trying to convince Harry to get into the shower, we have had wars since Christmas day ( i know….we are on day 3 of no shower) but he got a pair of John Cena WWE wrestling pj’s for Christmas and he wont take them off!!!  (I managed to convince him that we couldnt go to grans for lunch with them on, so he changed…into his batman costume!!!) Its pretty funny really, but im dragging him in with me shortly, whether he likes it or not! 
      I havent had any urges, im too tired, my sleeping patterns are horrendous at the moment and i really need to try and have some early nights. Unfortunately the groups are usually on late and i hate missing them so i am willing to be a little tired!  I need to stop having an afternoon nap as when i do im up till all hours!!! I am looking forward to work tonight, there were a few sickies before i finished on Tuesday and i want to make sure they are ok. I do worry about them, one in particular who went to hospital, shes a favourite of mine.
      Anyway, i dont have much else to report, i think it may be time to get this kid of mine and give him the scrubbing of a lifetime!!! I hope you have a wonderful, gamble free day,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22362
      flowers
      Participant

        dear karthyn you sound very busy that helps us not to gamble  keep moving forward  have a happy day
                  flowers

    • #22363
      kathryn
      Participant

      — 8/01/2010 5:01:21 AM: post edited by kathryn.

    • #22364
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      What a short chat in group but am glad i got there for a minute or two.  Will try to get there earlier next time.  Was good to say hi even for a minute.  It is hard when people make comments, i know that a lot of people dont understand.  I guess they never will, i think back to before i gambled and i thought how on earth could people get hooked on playing a machine, little did i know i was to become one of those people.  I guess its like any addiction, its hard to understand unless youve travelled that path.  But it hurts too i know when people judge or say things.  I hope it settles for you and whoever is making the comments i hope they stop.  Maybe they are a gambler themselves you never know!!  Anyway i hope all improves for you.  Laughed at the shower thing and the pajama wearing for 3 days, that would be so funny!  Catch you again soon you little ray of light
      P

    • #22365
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Sunshine!  Don’t let thoughtless comments derail you … not even for a moment. I believe that like urges, comments will become fewer with time.  It’s funny how people closest to you sometimes make those remarks and it throws you for a complete loop.  Hubby has made some insensitive comments (as you know), I’ve felt icky in discussions with my best friends who, while supportive, still have that knack of saying things that make me feel "less than".  (Of course, all the gurus would say no-one can make you feel any way, it’s all up to you!  Ohmmm!) 
      I hope by the time you read this, that you’ve released the frustration and got your wuji back.  (That’s a new word I’ve learned  … in my mindfulness journey ….OHMMMMM….DING!!!) In this moment, this second that you’re reading this, I’d like you to remember that you’re a success … every second that you’re not gambling.  As P says, you are a ray of light, my friend … and a good friend to so many on here.  We ALL (cgs and non-cgs) have done things of which we are not proud … but bringing up the past is futile and petty.  So … onward!  Forget the crap (and the crappy comments) and keep living the good life.
      Now, I realized recently that you’ve asked me a few questions that I haven’t answered:
      1. Do I think hubby is a cg?  No, I don’t.  He’s not as destructive financially, but he did use it as a bit of a escape.   Like other non-cgs, I believe he’s clueless.  Said to me the other day:  "How bad is this thing of yours, really?  I mean do you have to resist every day?"  Hello!  I’ve gone through the humiliation of excluding myself at casinos in two countries, I’ve blocked all our computers, I’ve gone to counselling and group therapy … HOW BAD DO YOU THINK IT IS???  Clueless … honestly!!
      2.  What is a yam?  It’s a sweet potato … the orange kind, not the white kind.
      3.  Candy cane ice cream?  No other explanation by HEAVEN.  It’s white mint ice cream, with little bits of crushed red and green candy cane bits in it.  Only available in our stores during the season.
      4.  My gorgeous Xmas print?  I was trying to find an artist with similar style but couldn’t.  It’s a very large, acrylic on canvas scene of a room overlooking the sparkling ocean.  Very spare image … just hardwood floor, floor-to-ceiling window with sheers blowing in a gentle wind, parted to see an expanse of gorgeous sea.  Realism … I would say like Christopher Pratt, but his colours aren’t as warm and deep.  Play on light is incredible and it fits perfectly in my living room. I like vivid colors like Degas used. 
      Hope that answers everything.  Keep your chin up, sunshine girl.
      Hugs.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22366
      flowers
      Participant

         dear karthyn sometimes we have to be selfish we  have to do whatever it takes to get thru the day and  along the way when we were gambling we probably did seem selfish to non- gamblers but that was the disease the addict not the real you .move forward and be stong you should be proud of your 6 months .our real serect of our power is the conciousness of our power
                    flowers

    • #22367
      howanan
      Participant

      LIke RG says I think the comments will lessen in time.  My husband used to call me a gamble holic because I wanted to stay at the Moose until it closed.  He would go out and sleep in the truck.  He hasn’t called me that in months.  I feel that when they are bringing up the past, they are still hurting.  Like, how could someone I love so much care more about gambling then me.  It is hard for a non CG to understand.  My first husband was an alcholic.  I didn’t gamble back then, so I did not understand his addiction. I often said, if you love me just stop.  How hard could that be.  Little did I know at the time how hard it is.  So as we fight this addiction, we have to learn to let go.  Let go of the hurt in their words.  We did it, we screwed up, but we are now trying to make amends.
      Scrapple.   Scrapple is a meat product shaped in a square.  It is made up of all the pork meat that is left over, like pork snout.  It is fried (like bacon) and I have to admit it is delicious with eggs.  Sounds gross though doesn’t it.  If I had not eaten it as a child, before I knew what it consisted of, I would never have touched the stuff.
      You are doing so good Kathryn and your family and friends (us included) are so very proud of all you have accomplished this past 6 months………………..Your cyber friend…….Nancy***An addiction is what it is.  It is a hard thing, to face up to an addiction.  It can take over your life.  Make you do things you wouldn’t do otherwise.***

    • #22368
      minni
      Participant

      Hello, Ms. Kathryn!  I’ve been going back a few pages to catch up a little bit, and it looks like you had a great Christmas.  Thanks so much for cheering me on through my surgery!  I’m doing pretty well, although I’m still walking at a shuffle and have medical tape residue ALL over me that I can’t seem to get off. 
      My husband and I had a very quiet Christmas day.  We set up the laptop by the couch and watched movies and played scrabble all day (he usually kills me, and I think he cheats, but I came up with a seven-letter, tripple-word-score word that put me safely in the lead and I spanked him with over 300 points!  Yes, I’m a complete dork.), then went and got Chinese food for dinner.  Best of all, we talked with family throughout the day and just enjoyed the quiet after the hustle of the weeks before.
      I was really touched at what you wrote about your daughter being afraid your car wouldn’t be at home.  I’m really glad to see you write so often that you’re not even thinking about gambling (I woke up from the anesthesia practically looking for a machine to put money into.  Awful.).  The New Year is only moments away now.  I hope yours is happy and healthy!  Minni

    • #22369
      cully21
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn: Just want to wish you a great day and let you know I am doing better. I thank you for caring and helping me. You make a difference.
      Cully21

    • #22370
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good morning!
      Wow, thank you all for posting, it was great to wake up this morning to all this support.
      I am feeling much better today, thanks to Harry. I have some things to sort out, i need to have a couple of conversations, one with my daughter and one with my bestie.  I need to acknowledge them. I hope that makes sense but i know what i have to do, i just need the opportunity to do it.  I think i will feel a whole lot better and hopefully they will too.
      Anyway, onto my day….Damian and Bailey took off at 5am for their camping trip, they are coming home on Sunday, the last 4 days have been full of preparation for it so i hope they have a fantastic time.  Brea and Harry are spending the day together today, she is taking him shopping and then they are going to her boyfriends for a swim (its hot today)  i wont see them all day, i have a me day on my hands.  Now, normally i would be dressed and ready right now for her to pick him up, then i would be off to the venue for the day…a whole day, bliss. So what am i doing instead?  Firstly its my mums birthday today, i have bought her about 10 little presents so i will be going there for a visit.  My sister is also going so we will catch up which will be lovely. Then i am coming home to vacuum and mop the floors. I have work this afternoon, so i may have a little nap before i head off.
      Im sure to take a little time for a coffee with my bestie, she is working her butt off at the moment so its difficult to find time, summer is her busy season.  She also picked up a new contract and has to start work at 3am for the next few days.  She will be exhausted so i will try and find half an hour where we can sit down.
      Reading back it looks like ive pretty much filled my day, so thats a good thing. 
      I hope you all have a wonderful gamble free day,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22371
      flowers
      Participant

         dear kathryn it amazing how much you can accomplish  in a day when you not wasting your life gambling
                  flowers

    • #22372
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      popped in to catch up. Sorry you had such a hurtful day the other day.  As you are planning conversations with your daughter and bestie I’m assuming that is where the comments came from.  Sounds like you have it all under control though.  Another thing to be proud of.  It’s funny how us CG’s need to walk such a tight rope.  We are advised not to dwell on the past.  That guilt (or is it shame?) is very close to self pity. But yet don’t forget the past completely and the damage that it wrought.  Live one day at a time and don’t think ahead too far, unless that involves financial planning and barriers.  Hmmm confused yet?  I am lol.  Guess what I’m trying to say is good for you for not letting it keep you down for long.  You are balancing on this tightrope of recovery very well and should be darn proud of yourself. 
      I probably won’t get to see much of you in group, I’m working four mornings a week now and it’s getting hard to get on and get out the door on time.  Not to mention a little thing called sleep.  But I will keep in touch in the forum and will bump into you again one of these days.  Take care, hope your favourite patient is feeling better.
      laura

    • #22373
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      I laughed at the full moon thing.  I am probably one of those people that go off on a full moon.  Well emotionally i do, i seem sensitive to the moon, i usually get a bit weepy around that time or sentimental its a funny thing.  But i guess we are made up with a large percentage water and the moon effects the tides so also the little tides in us i guess.  Im a bit of an emotional one a marshmallow at times, sometimes i feel as though i have no bones im just all mush.  Other times i think i am stronger.  hehe.  Have a good day.  Sounds like you are busy already!
      P

    • #22374
      marilee
      Participant

      Okay, the mother instinct in me wants to run over there and punch whoever said those things in the nose.  Not always the best way to solve things, but it’s a cathartic dream sometimes!  Thanks for your comments about the dentist, at 11:00 this morning I thought I was going to hurl myself in moving traffic to stop the pain.  By 11:10, the dentist pronounced a dry socket, and a lot of infection.  Why didn’t I call her she asked.  Because I didn’t want to bother you I replied.  She looked at me in amazement, someone so badly infected suffered for days to avoid inconveniencing her.  Anyways, it’s all good now, cleaned, medicated, and on my way to recovery.  But it certainly brings something to mind….I was surprised to find my thoughts drifting to gambling over the last few days.  Well, duh.  I was sick, wanted to be distracted, hadn’t slept, was utterly miserable.  That’s a recipe for disaster for a CG.  Once again, I can thank my stars that I self-excluded.   Just thought I would let you know – and if you have time to read this, you are actually superwoman.  Is there anything you don’t do?  Wow, I would keel over with heart palpitations if I did one fifth of what you do in a day.  Slow down girl!  🙂

    • #22375
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well my busy day is over, and it was busy, i am soooo tired but wanted to post.  I have just watched my 5yo son go to sleep beside me, what a beautiful thing to watch, i can smell the sea wafting in my window on this hot night, the tiniest breeze coming with it, just enough to make a difference, and wise Harry has unjumbled my thinking again.  I can now go sleep, i feel very content at this very moment, and just had to write it down.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22376
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      … I never live in the past, never bring things up because as far as im concerned the past is the past. …
      … I wonder how long it will be before i am free of the remarks, i dont believe they are intended to be hurtful, but they do hurt. …
      Life is about falling….living is about getting up!
      Good morning Kathryn,
      Reading over your post and the replies reminded me of some discussions during my GA meetings. I am fortunate to have some "old timers" in my group, ones with four to ten years being clean, to give me inspiration and insight into what still lies ahead in my recovery.  When some of the new members talk about how they feel when their loved ones or friends keep reminding them of what they had done, the seasoned members are quick to tell of how they still have to face such comments and questions. In fact Monday night one with 4 years being gambling free told about his wife saying how nice their Christmas was this year, and adding the comment "how surprised she was that he was not running out to gambl". He finally considered this as a compliment, but only after the hurt subdued.  
      What I am trying to say is that it seems like the comments will continue long after our past is our past. And even though we try not to live in the past as far as our gambling is concerned, our past may still be others present fears; and, like these others still being reminded of our past actions and bringing them up from time to time, we also bring up things from the past, things that had nothing to do with our surpressed gambling, but, may have something to do with what others are trying to put behind them.
      And just as the remarks about things concerning the past of others, their comments about your past are probably not, as you suspect, intended to be hurtful. Nevertheless, they do hurt and cause us to fall from our contented state, but these falls are all part of life, and as I have read somewhere "Life is about falling….living is about getting up!"
      God’ speed.
      Larry

      "Day Two Is Now Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.– 12/30/2009 6:18:30 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22377
      p
      Participant

      Morning Kathryn
      I was glad to read your post and you are now content again.  Sounds lovely watching your son fall asleep and smelling the ocean, you live near the sea, how beautiful.  I would sit and look at it all the time. i love watching the waves.  Especially when it is overcast.  I fry in the sun.  We are lucky to have here, Harry unjumbling things for you, it is comforting knowing we have them there isnt it!  Ive been thinking about our chat and the self exclusion thing, i so wish they did that here.  Here there are so many little places absolutely everywhere.  I wish there was a one step self exclusion that covered the whole of Oz. 
      Anyway glad to hear you are feeling good now and i have my morning cuppa with you, i think we may be posting round the same time today.  Im not starting my healthy plan till Jan 1, oh wow, i just realized how far away that is, yikes. Better get some eating in while i can hehe.
      P

    • #22378
      kufan
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Gosh!  I have spent the last 2+ hours reading your posts on this diary.  My oh my.  You are quite a strong woman!  I am so impressed that you did not falter during that very trying time of Fester/Sasha.  Kudos to you girl!  I was so relieved when I read that your husband is not her father.  It was just like I went through all of this with you and your friends on this site, supporting and loving you along the way.
      I also enjoyed the roller coaster description that someone posted.  Hilarious!  You guys all made me laugh.  I just wanted to let you know that I have really felt for you, and your struggles & triumphs over the past 6 months.  I hope we will become fast friends; I feel like I already know you.  Thank you.
      Tina

      You can’t change the past but you can change your future.

    • #22379
      marilee
      Participant

      Happy New Year girl!  I hope you have a wonderful evening, whatever your great plans are.  Up here in Canada we have to bundle up and brave the cold to venture out…I’d love to throw a sundress on and watch the sun set on an old year. Hmmm….might be a case of the grass is always greener.  
      You deserve the very best because of the enormous effort you have put in to your recovery.  I hope you are proud of yourself, I know that I am proud to call you a friend.  Start the fireworks!  Pop the cork!  2010 is here! 

    • #22380
      vera
      Participant

      Happy New Year Kathryn. Continued success in recovery. I am envious of you! I made a fool of myself AGAIN!!!!

    • #22381
      vab45
      Participant

      Happy New Year everyone Kathryn and all to posted replies…May all of us CG’s have another day. 365 days ahead of us…we can all do this together one day at a time…turns into days, weeks, months, and another year. Today I’m 14 days into my recovery and grateful for GA, GT, and GOD (Higher Power)."In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity"

    • #22382
      kathryn
      Participant

      HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
      Well my New Year was pretty good, 2 whole glasses of champagne…WOOHOO…PARTY ANIMAL!!! lol
      I spent the day with my sister, we went to Aireys Inlet, a little place on the coast for anyone that feels like a google.  One of the most beautiful beaches i have ever seen.  Harry and my nephew went swimming, i conveniently forgot my bathers so i was the old paddler!!
      We had lunch down there, man, was it hot…i mean stifling, boiling hot.  We had to walk down a cliff (well, it was very steep so thats almost a cliff) to get to the beach.  You should have seen me getting back up, my nephew had to push me a few times and i could not speak when i got to the top i was so out of breath…hmmm, New Years Resolution, exercise???
      We got home around 5ish, lashed out and got McDonalds for tea and watched a few movies.  We were going to take Harry to the 9pm fireworks, but a huge thunderstorm rolled over at about 8.30 and there was no way they could do the show, but we had a fantastic lighning show so that was enough for me.  My sister and i rang in the New Year, sitting up in her bed watching the Sydney fireworks, which were pretty good i must say!
      So that was my night, it was really lovely.  I am working tonight but will be flying home to make group.  I am also working all weekend and i am so tired now that i cant fathom doing it, but we do dont we?
      Anyway, wishing us all here a fantastic 2010, i cant help but wonder what this year will bring for me, but as long as im not gambling i know i am going to have a great year. 
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22383
      sherry123
      Participant

      Happy New Year to you! Sounds like you had a great day.  I’d like a little of that hot weather.  It snowed about six inches today and the roads are extremely slick.  Here’s toasting to a wonderful 2010.  clink

    • #22384
      female g
      Participant

      happy new year Kathryn and thanks for being there for me as you have I also appreciate talking to you in group.  Though i would switch places in a minute to be honest.  Sitting in my bathers and ringng in the new year with a nice glass of wine on the beach appeals to me much more than in a parka and a hot chocolate and a pile of snow and ice lying at my feet lol. G

    • #22385
      flowers
      Participant

        dear kathryn, your off to a great start to the new year may all our dreams come to life in 2010 if we stay  gamble free  they will.
         flowers

    • #22386
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      And a Happy New Year to you Kathryn
      I’m afraid I had an extremely noisy and champagne fuelled Hogmanay celebration and I’m not sure who is talking to me anymore as I had my mobile phone with me and I shared some of my happiness !!!!!!!!!!!
      My son phoned me very early this morning. Apparently he had received one of my calls and as I had woken him in the early hours he was returning the complement. I think he took pleasure in hearing the groans from deep in my pillow.
      So now you know – never let me have you telephone number.
      I didn’t fall over but I remember being ably assisted in my walk home through the snow.
      Anyway after this promising start to the new decade I send you all my good wishes and of course I will be there for you. You have brought me joy and laughter too and I believe we are going to have a whole load more this year. 
      As Ever with Love
      Velvet xx
       

    • #22387
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
      Well my New Year was pretty good, 2 whole glasses of champagne…WOOHOO…PARTY ANIMAL!!! lol
      I spent the day with my sister, we went to Aireys Inlet … We had lunch down there, man, was it hot…i mean stifling, boiling hot. … 
      … Anyway, wishing us all here a fantastic 2010, i cant help but wonder what this year will bring for me, but as long as im not gambling i know i am going to have a great year. 

      Good morning Kathryn, and Happy New Year to you and your family.
      I woke to a -6o C, and read your post, but wait, the seasons will reverse, maybe not as drastic – but a change that you will notice. 
      I am guessing your champagne had a much better taste then the cheep stuff the casinos pour out at mid-night. But even if you had the plastic-cork champagne, it’s use to celebrate rather then to drown out regrets gave it the taste of Dom Pérignon from the House of Moët & Chandon, or my favorite, from a smaller producer, Champagne Gilbert Ledru.
      Don’t dwell to mush on what the year might bring, bask in your realization of how your being gambling free will allow you to face whatever lies ahead.
      Larry

      "Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.– 1/2/2010 1:11:41 AM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22388
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Happy New Year, Aussie Girl!!!
      I googled Airey’s Inlet and I must say, it is spectacular.  How lucky you are to be close to the coast and so many gorgeous attractions!
      On this side of the world, we have a slight dusting of snow for the New Year.  The weather has been oddly warm with rain on Xmas and New Years … what’s up with that??  I’m looking forward to a big dump of snow, my kids are dying to go tobogganing.
      It’s noon on New Year’s Day and I still have a caterwauling houseful.  They’re playing hide-and-seeks and thumping up and down the stairs screaming.  I’ll need a good dose of painkillers at the end of the day … but they’re having a grand time, so who am I to complain. 
      Just finished serving endless amounts of waffles with syrup with bacon and litres of juice, so … I think I’m entitled to another little rest (under the blankets) before I start cleaning up and then getting the lasagne into the oven for lunch!
      Absolutely no thoughts of gambling.  I briefly thought about the people in the casino last night … but not longingly … more sadly (for them).  It really is a mugs game, isn’t it?  I hope I remember this every day of 2010.
      Love and hugs.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22389
      p
      Participant

      Happy new year Kathryn
      I saw the new years fireworks on tv, we stayed up till 1am my boy was determined to see in January.  All the best to you for the coming year girl. 2010 will be great, pat on the back to you friend for your brilliant efforts with being gamble free.  Look forward to seeing you again soon on chat or posts
      P

    • #22390
      p
      Participant

      Good Morning Kathryn
      Im having my morning cuppa this morning with my wonderful GT friends.  Just want to say thank you again kathryn for your support, in the beginning its like you gave me an extra boost along, you really really helped me and have been such an inspiration you really are a beautiful soul.  I love hearing of your stories, i read them every day.  All the best to you Kathryn for 2010, you were part of pulling me out of that big black abyss.  Thank you.  You have turned your life around and are showing others how it can be done too.  Thinking of you this morning
       
      P

    • #22391
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Katheryn,
      glad to finally make it here and catch up with you.  I’ll wish you a better late than never personal HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
      I have spent alot of my free time with my youngest son this weekend and this is the first time I logged on the computer all day.  It kills me that one of the things I enjoy the most, being on this site, causes my back to ache.  But, at least I can still use it so I will try not to complain too much! 
      You are making me longgg for summer days on the beach.  It will likely be 5 or 6 months before I will be able to enjoy that pleasure.  I don’t think I was meant to live in a land where winter lasts almost 6 months.  But then again I don’t think I was meant to live in a land with mammoth spiders, scary snakes and crocodiles.  I need to find somewhere in between I think. 
      Glad you enjoyed your New Year’s Eve with your sister and the little ones.  That is truly what life is for.  All the best in 2010.
      take care,
      Laura

    • #22392
      britt
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn, thanks to you, I got the job.  Your cross eyes worked.  Happy New Years and thank you so much for your encouragement. 

    • #22393
      cully21
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn:
      I want to thank for your support. I’m gonna Johnny Cash it for now on. That means "Walk the Line."
      I will try to jump in the compuslive group early Monday morning. I am getting afraid to do it at work after during the other one. I have to keep this job. Keep my girlfriend. Keep my health. Keep the sheler I have. Keep out of trouble. It’s going to take a long, long time to repair relationships with my family. I still have one though.
      Thanks and God Bless,
      Cully21

    • #22394
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey lovely Kathryn:  How goes the battle on this lovely Sunday (is it?). It’s Saturday night, January 2 and I have had a busy and fruitful day.  Managed to get all the inside Xmas decorations down.  Had a real tree and what a mess that made as I tried to drag it downstairs and into the garage.  Spent more time sweeping and vacuuming than anything else.
      Then, went through my coupon binder, throwing out the expired ones.  It hurts my feelings to throw out coupons, lol!!  Anyway, then I went grocery shopping and searching for health and beauty deals at our local drug store.  They had a special customer rewards promotion on and I managed to gather tons of points for redemption later in the year.  My goal is to get $900 in free stuff from this store by June.  How great would that be??  Free groceries, health and beauty stuff, books, perfumes … what fun … better than Xmas.  But it will take shrewd shopping to get there.  I’ll let you know how it goes.
      Roast lamb …. hmmmm … don’t know when last I’ve eaten it.  What a lovely man that Dames is.  Take it all in, my friend.  Take note of all your blessings and enjoy them to the fullest.
      Anyway, I can feel myself heading for the soap box again, so before I get started, I’ll sign off.
      Talk soon.
      Hugs.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22395
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i have just finished my weekend of work.  It was a good weekend, although 10 minutes before knockoff time yesterday a resident had a fall, resulting in me having to fill out forms, ring the family, take obs, on and on it went. But that was the worst of it and the little petal was a little fireball today, shes just fine.
      Im pretty tired at the moment, exhausted could be the right word to use, Damian and Bailey came home yesterday from camping and they had a great time.  I had a nice night, Dames cooked me a roast lamb dinner which was devine, although i did sit up late and watch Pans Labyrinth, omg, what a sad, wierd, scary movie that was.  I had to turn it over a few times cause i was getting a little creeped out, only to find Jaws on the other channel…lol.  That shark is the sole reason i do not go above my waist in the ocean, i need to be able to run if i have to!!!
      I have the day off tomorrow and no plans as yet.  Brea has a driving lesson tomorrow afternoon, and really think i will have a day lazing around the house.  I need to take down the Christmas tree (you win RG!) and pack it all away.  Thankfully i have a fake one and it wont take too long at all.
      I hope you have all had a wonderful weekend, look forward to catching up with some of you on group this week.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22396
      dean
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Looks like you had a decent/normal weekend!!! Thats great.
      For myself I look forward to the time when I get where you are.
      Its a real battle isnt it? As long as I dont gamble today ill be OK!
      Stay safe
      Dean
       Desperate for help

    • #22397
      guilty-as-sin
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Its nice to see you had a great weekend.  Its great to see how many people you inspire and help on this site.  I wish you all the happiness you can stand in 2010.
      Keep up the good work.
      Cindy

    • #22398
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Yesterday was a quiet day for me, i didnt do much at all and now im very cross with myself because the mountain, and i mean mountain of laundry i need to fold is outrageous!!!
      I took Brea for her driving lesson yesterday, the little man who took her was very funny and she enjoyed it.  He seems to think she will be ready in about 4 weeks, but she wants 5, she’s petrified, we will see how she goes.  Unfortunately for Brea, she seems to think she knows everything already(dont all 18 year olds) and when i try and tell her something she has missed, she gets a bit stroppy with me, but hey, i want her to get that licence first time round and if i have to badger her, i bloody well will!!!
      I had a lot of time to think yesterday, very dangerous i know…lol.  But im not feeling complete.  I dont know if that makes sense, im not looking for excitement, i just feel something inside is missing.  Anyway, i have decided to have a bit of counselling to work through some stuff.  Maybe because im turning 40 this year, not in a midlife crisis kind of way, but i want to be at peace with myself, my choices and decisions i have made, not just with my gambling, but throughout my life.  Everything that has happened during my life has really led me to where i am today.  So i think its time to have a look at it all and perhaps put some things to rest.
      Gosh, thats very deep for me so early in the morning…lol. 
      On Sunday, Jodies partner rang me and asked if we would like to go out for dinner with them to the golf club.  Now the golf club was my hellhole, so naturally i said no.  I told him i had already organised our dinner and it was cooking right now.  Then i thought, hang on, thats not why…so i said to him, you know i cant go there, im addicted to gambling and i just cant go.  He said, yes i know!! I know Jode has told him and im totally fine with it, i guess he didnt think at the time. Anyway, we enjoyed rissoles and vegetables at home and all sat around the table together. I truly dont think i would have enjoyed dinner there, knowing that 10 feet away was the 100 machines that ruled my life.
      On another note, Jode and i have decided that next year we are going to go to Los Angeles for a holiday.  Just the 2 of us, im astounded at how affordable it is.  We went to Bali when we were 30, and now at 40 we are having another one.  So that will be something to look forward to.  We are opening a bank account and depositing money every week.  I, of course will have no access, i dont want to tempt fate there. I checked to see if my passport was current, which it is but what knocked me for 6 was the photo…i was as fat as a house!!! My chin and my chest seemed all in one, the ‘turkey gobble’ was enormous.  Surely i dont look like that now, im hoping i will need another photo, cause i cant see how that looks like me at all!!! And if it does, i will be sorely dissapointed my friends!!! lol
      Ok, enough from me for today, you all have a wonderful, gamble free day, i really need to go and fold the laundry but i may do a couple of posts first, i dont even want to look at it!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
       Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22399
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ms. K:  Thanks for the post.  A trip to LA with Jode sounds like a wonderful plan.  Be sure to rent a car and drive up and down the coast.  I haven’t been, but my sisters, nieces and nephews love California and travel there often.  I think I may just copy you on that plan and see if my best friend want to do a spa trip next year.
      You will be pleased to know that I accomplished the following today:  walked the dog for 40 minutes (almost froze my butt off), spent three hours planning the four areas of my life (business, family, home and personal)  … first over 90 days, then over 30, then for the next 7.  I know EXACTLY what I have to do for my business tomorrow.  I am COMMITTED to making this happen.  It’s great to have a sense of direction, at last. I also spent two hours with the boys on homework and daily study drills.  I rock!!
      I’ve decided to put the finance portion of it out of my mind for now and just focus on what I am passionate about.  When I’m closer to the money rolling in, I will put controls in place. That will probably mean getting our accountant(to whom I will FINALLY be accountable) more active.  I think if I asked hubby, it would make me feel constrained again and lead to more arguing (and God knows, we don’t need that)!!
      I am so thrilled to hear that you’re being proactive about filling in your "gaps".  I hope your experience is every bit as positive as mine.  Will you go to a counsellor specializing in gambling addiction?  I don’t have a one-one-one this week, but I have group on Thursday (haven’t had for two weeks).  I can’t wait!  I’m going to read over all the material my counsellor has given me again this week.  I’ll share any "pearls" on my thread.
      Anyway, I’m considering going on a solo walk even though the temperature is hideously low. If not, I’ll do a Tae Bo workout or yoga. I’m determined to do at least another 40 minutes.
      Hope to see you in group tomorrow.
      Hugs.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22400
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ms. K:  Thanks for the post.  A trip to LA with Jode sounds like a wonderful plan.  Be sure to rent a car and drive up and down the coast.  I haven’t been, but my sisters, nieces and nephews love California and travel there often.  I think I may just copy you on that plan and see if my best friend want to do a spa trip next year.
      You will be pleased to know that I accomplished the following today:  walked the dog for 40 minutes (almost froze my butt off), spent three hours planning the four areas of my life (business, family, home and personal)  … first over 90 days, then over 30, then for the next 7.  I know EXACTLY what I have to do for my business tomorrow.  I am COMMITTED to making this happen.  It’s great to have a sense of direction, at last. I also spent two hours with the boys on homework and daily study drills.  I rock!!
      I’ve decided to put the finance portion of it out of my mind for now and just focus on what I am passionate about.  When I’m closer to the money rolling in, I will put controls in place. That will probably mean getting our accountant(to whom I will FINALLY be accountable) more active.  I think if I asked hubby, it would make me feel constrained again and lead to more arguing (and God knows, we don’t need that)!!
      I am so thrilled to hear that you’re being proactive about filling in your "gaps".  I hope your experience is every bit as positive as mine.  Will you go to a counsellor specializing in gambling addiction?  I don’t have a one-one-one this week, but I have group on Thursday (haven’t had for two weeks).  I can’t wait!  I’m going to read over all the material my counsellor has given me again this week.  I’ll share any "pearls" on my thread.
      Anyway, I’m considering going on a solo walk even though the temperature is hideously low. If not, I’ll do a Tae Bo workout or yoga. I’m determined to do at least another 40 minutes.
      Hope to see you in group tomorrow.
      Hugs.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22401
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      good for you on so many fronts.  The trip (doing something nice and rewarding for yourself), the counselling (a possible method of exploring how you feel and why) and for saying no to the supper with your friend and her partner (making a very sensible choice, protecting your gambling sobriety, and being forthright with someone you trust).
      So girl, I must say congrats on being exceptionally wise
      I too will be celebrating my 40th this year but I don’t think a trip will be in my budget.  I will have to come up with a creative yet cheap way to celebrate.
      Have a good day Kathryn and take care.
      Laura

    • #22402
      paul315
      Participant

      — 1/6/2010 1:54:06 AM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22403
      dhorton64
      Participant

      Hello, I started over a thousand times and failed. I don’t know how to quit gambling forever! One day at a time works for me for a while and than boom right back to the same problem.

    • #22404
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by vab45
      "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity"
      Good evening Kathryn, once again I am using your topic to post to someone else in case she reads your post more frequently then others – I do, so, thanks for the opportunity to try and reach vab45; for some reason her topic pages have been closed.
      Vab,
      It looks like you hit the "Close Topic" tab instead of the "Post Reply" on your topics.  I was just going to say that it was good to talk with you in Group today, but will now add, hope to see you back posting to your own site soon. You can either start a new one or email for GT to reopen one or both of the closed ones. If it was closed for other reasons, keep reading and logging in with the Group sessions.
      God’s speed to you both.
      LarryLarry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

    • #22405
      kathryn
      Participant

      Larry, feel free to use my thread anytime. 
      Dhorton, welcome to GT.  It may be beneficial for you to start a new thread of your own, that way you will get lots of replies and can keep a kind of journal for yourself to look back on. In saying that, thank you for posting on my thread.  Ok, what have you been doing, you say you have tried a thousand times. Whatever you are trying is not working so it may be time for a new strategy!  You will get so many ideas here, im not sure what you gamble on but if it is casinos, self banning is a great barrier.  Also giving your finances to someone else, so you have no access to money is a good one too.  Lastly, counselling, either with GA, personal or both can help identify the triggers that start the urge.  Working out what they are can really help, in that you can learn to deal with them in a different way.
      If you can D, use the helpline and group chats, they are fantastic and have been such a help to me in my recovery.  Its great to be able to bounce things off others who have been there, who are going through the same thing and can maybe help you get through it.
      There is a life after gambling, you are not alone D, it really is a day at a time, but if you put up as many barriers as you can those days add up.  Stay close to the site, read and post, keep busy.  I am on as many groups as i can get, so please do try it, we are all cg’s there and will give you lots of support and understanding in real time.
      Again, welcome to the community, these people are truly amazing and have helped me through some very tough times.  I hope to catch up with you on group sometime.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
       Life is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22406
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ola Chiquita!!!
      Hope things are lovely and sunny for you in the wonderful land of Oz.  (LOL … I just typed Land of Ox … that would be where I’m from … as in "stubborn as an …; big as an …!!) Anyway, I’m just finished another study-filled evening with my boys. Quiz:  What’s the capital of Denmark? Quick and no googling!!! How ’bout the Czech Republic?  C’mon … spit it out, lol!!  I was horrified at how few I could blurt out … but had fun re-learning. 
      I played Delinquent Mom first though.  Dashed out for Chinese food from the Dragon’s Gem where the motto is  "ALL carbs ALL the time", then proceeded to watch Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs with the boys.  Loved it!!!  Felt a bit sick of food afterwards though. 
      I’m progressing slowly (and I’m mean at glacier pace) on the business front, but … it’s movement, right?  So, I’m not going to complain. 
      We have lots of snow.  Every morning this week, I’ve bundled up like a giant maroon puffball with a fur-framed face and taken the dog for a walk for 40 minutes (I’m SO impressed with myself!)  It is so beautiful when you’re properly equipped in flat, fur-lined boots with tractor treads and giant woollen mitts.  Not an whisper of cold can penetrate … so I’m free to enjoy the crunch of the snow under my feet, the gorgeous red winterberries, topped with fluffly, pure-white snow in the forest I pass everyday, the schoolkids having snowball fights, building giant snowmen, or just lazing in the snow … all equally as puffily dressed as I.  My dog is the very best to watch though.  As you know, he is huge.  So he lopes through the snow, occassionally sprinting to catch imaginary prey ahead.  As he runs, he scoops up mouthfuls of snow, so his snout is constantly dusted with snow.  He’s such a goof.
      Alright, I’m yammering on.  Had a few thoughts of buying scratch tickets.  Stupid … they’ve just been jumping out at me in the convenience stores, but I’ve resisted.  Yay, me!!  So many bloody reminders of this sick "pasttime".   I am SO glad group therapy resumes tomorrow.  Will let you know what happens.  OMMMMM!!!!
      Talk soon, good buddy.
      Roger … out!!
      RG
      This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.– 07/01/2010 2:38:23 AM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #22407
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i had a very, very lazy day today, it took me all day just to hang out the washing!!  Damian and Brea went to the movies tonight, so i thought i would take the boys and get all their stuff for school.  Now i dont know if i just wanted to get it over and done with, or that the thought of getting all their clothes means they may go back sooner…yeah, wishful thinking i know!!!
      So in we go, we get to Kmart (im assuming its like walmart) and they need navy shorts, and red polo shirts.  Well, they did not have 1 stinking red polo shirt in the place, but every other colour of the rainbow…of course. Then they had shorts for Bailey but not for Harry, now wouldnt you think that they would have navy shorts for a 5yo, starting their first year of school.  Oh no, obviously all the preps are either massive, or navy shorts are very hard to come by.  I was going beserk in the shop, the boys were so good, i think they were too scared to say anything, the raving mother was on the warpath!
      Anyway, i got them some shoes there and some socks and then i rang the other big store there to check if they were open, luckily they were.  I got everything except polo shirts for Bailey…none his size! He has some though, but i like getting him a couple of new ones for the start of school. They got school bags, drink bottles and lunch boxes.  I was OVER it by the end.  So we trudged to McDonalds for tea, i was very good and had a chicken wrap thingy (yum) but i did finish with the apple pie!!! lol
      So that has been my day.  Tomorrow its going to be very hot so i wont be doing much at all.  Im feeling a bit tense today, im sure its just school holidays, the boys have been at each others throats all day..i definitely need some me time!!! 25 sleeps to go (arent i a mean mother) I love my kids to death, but they drive me mad sometimes!!!
      I hope you are all having a wonderful gamble free day,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22408
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Our kids went back to school last Monday.  It was the coldest day of the year and the two girls were complaining that the school should have been closed. lol  You are writing about a wonderful NORMAL life and I am so glad to read what you write.  Hope you have a restful day……………NancyIf we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back………..

    • #22409
      vera
      Participant

      JUST WONDERING,AS I READ YOUR ACCOUNT OF RETURN TO SCHOOL SHOPPING, KATHRYN, WHO DID THESE THINGS WHEN YOU WERE”UNAVAILABLE”?……

    • #22410
      flowers
      Participant

        insnt motherhood grand ha ha ha  somedays it harder then others then theres days when they say or do something so cute  it helps you get thru the tough days
              flowers

    • #22411
      micky
      Participant

      Hi kathryn, thanks for the post. Iread the "enough "story today, i printed it off and took it to work with me, it’s a very positive piece that i have identified with. Feel the times right for me now.
      Mickybeneath the ashes fires rage

    • #22412
      minni
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!  I’m sitting in bed with a big sweater on, fuzzy pj bottoms, loads of blankets and a dog and a cat warming me while I’m reading about you buying shorts and how hot it’s going to be tomorrow (would that be today?).  It makes me laugh!  I’ve never been to Australia but I sure would love to take a tour of the entire country!
      I’d posted to RG a bit earlier – I completely vomitted all over my own thread and have been sneaking onto everyone else’s to try to breathe some fresher air and catch up.  Had a ridiculous week this week that now as it’s over has me wishing I could get back to work sooner and find a better job in general. 
      Have fun with your kiddos and please enjoy some of that heat for me.  My little toes are freezing right now!  Take care…

    • #22413
      meglee
      Participant

      Hello my beautiful Aussie friend
      Thank you so much for your lovely New Year wishes!!! Right back at ya!
      I am just back from holiday, which was a wonderful break with fantastic friends (the family you ‘choose’ as opposed to one you are ‘given’), amazing food, a healthy (or not) dose of bubbly, great scenery……………..but crap weather!! (yeah yeah i know…i live in the south of new zealand – what should i expect!!!!? LOL. but it is meant to be summer here too!)
      I must add that i am NOT complaining about the ‘family i was given’ – as my mum and dad came to stay at my house (they live out of town) while the kids and i were away. It was a wee holiday for them, and they spent their time cleaning up my whole garden!!!!! including tending the amazing vegie garden that my dad planted with my kids while i was in aussie back in sept! I am so so grateful, and the kids are getting so excited about the crop that is coming to harvest. (what a fantastic way to get kids excited about vegies LOL)
      I have not yet caught up on your last couple of weeks, but i am cracking up about your latest kmart trip! When do your kids go back to school? Mine go back in 3 and a half weeks, so i am certainly NOT as organised as you are! BUT i also have to go to kmart on the hunt for…..yes, you guessed it…blue shorts and red polo shirts! Good old kmart, I love them, but why oh why do they ALWAYS seem to have racks and racks of blue shorts and red polos when my kids have NOT outgrown their current sizes???????!!! And when they have  outgrown them, kmart has colours like ORANGE!!? I swear theres not a darn school in a 100 mile radius of here with orange polos as part of their school uniform!!!  
      I will hold my breath before i venture in there (and maybe i’ll book a table for three at Mcdonalds on the way home haha).
      I will get back to catching up. Just wanted to pop in and send you big cyber-hugs!
      Much love and light
      Meg xxxxxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22414
      marilee
      Participant

      Alright you, just be grateful that every morning your kids put on navy shorts and a red polo shirt.  If you still want to complain, come to my house in the morning….no dear, you can’t wear the t-shirt that says "FCUK", your bra straps are showing in the green tank top (in the middle of winter), those jeans don’t do up, why don’t you put on boots, it’s raining outside…what do you mean you have no underwear?  If you need any variation of a large, oversize black t-shirt with a rock band on it, call me.  Don’t look for Nickelback, I’ve only got Jimi Hendrix, ACDC, Santana, Kiss, Queen….yes, I have the "daughter wardrobe blues".  Go ahead, write a song about it.
      Everything else is great here, slowly (and I do mean slowly) recovering from the dental surgery.  Thank goodness my mood is improving as well.  Marilee + infection = miserable.   Take care girl, and by the way, you are doing GREAT!!

    • #22415
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn – It is so nice to read your post about your kids.  As Nancy wrote, it is so great to hear such normal Mom thoughts.  I love it.  Right now, for me, I’m still needing to stay in the DON’T GAMBLE MOMENT, but focusing again on the world around me with confidence that I can beat this,is something I’m looking forward to.  It helps this newbee remain hopeful!You can do anything if you put your mind to it!Best Wishes to You All – DD

    • #22416
      danielle
      Participant

      Hello Kathryn,  I do so appreciate your support on my thread.  It was so good to hear from you.   You are doing so well and I’m so glad you have abstained from gambling. What other choice to we have,  ruin our lives and the lives of our loved ones, or be strong and fight this demon to the end?  I think we, and others on this forum, know what can happen to us if we continue.  It’s a tough battle but we are winning.   This forum was my salvation in the early days of recovery and I can see it has helped you too.  God bless Kathryn and don’t ever give up on conquering this addiction.   Your’ve done so well so far.   Danielle

    • #22417
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      This is my third attempt at posting as my computer is playing funny buggers today.  So im going to keep it short just in case i lose it again.
      I worked all weekend, and while it was fine, the weather, my tiredness and my hormones all contributed to me being a ‘little’ cranky.  Last night i had a lovely girls night with Jode, we watched 6 episodes of Survivor!!! We hadnt had a night for 3 weeks so we made the most of it.
      Today it has been 7 months since i last gambled, im proud of myself, i feel i have worked hard and am still working everyday to improve my life.  This site has been a huge support to me, and although im still a ‘little’ cranky, that is the one thing i have to be truly happy about. I look forward to group tonight when i get home from work, provided my computer decides to be nice!!!
      I hope you all had a lovely weekend, take care and bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22418
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      … Today it has been 7 months since i last gambled, im proud of myself,

      We are proud of you also!Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

    • #22419
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Cranky!!!! Happy 7 months! Woo Hoo!!!! Go girl!
      Your thread ALWAYS manages to make me smile! Tonight I would like to thank marilee for her hilarious description of dressing teenagers (or NOT dressing them in this case LOL LOL LOL)…thanks M.
      AND… did you realise… on your last page you have Micky AND Minni!!!!!!!!??????? How cool is that?
      Given that I have just decided to dub you ‘cranky’ (but only for today) as in ‘thomas the tank engine’, you now just about have the whole walt disney/looney tunes thing goin on! (how fitting for us lot huh?)… What could you possibly feel blue about!!!???? haha.
      Stop me, before I get into a whole new Roller-coaster scenario where we assign a different character to each GT member! Hmmmmm… where will we start…..?
      Love and light
      meg xxxxx
      PS: You should feel VERY proud of yourself babe! There is a whole lotta love for you on this site – and we are all proud of ya too! Not just for what you have achieved for yourself, but for the support you give daily to others! You rock! xxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22420
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      we are posting and passing like two ships in the night.  I seem to have been missing you in group lately.  Don’t know if I’ll make the next one as it is at 6am my time, ugh.  Then off to work.
      It is still January 11th for me as I write this, so a great big WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Congratulations on making it 7 months one day at a time.  You made it through trying times and good, and either can work as an excuse for us CGs.  Enjoy the counselling, I hope you get a good match.  
      I am starting to really drag so I’d better say goodnight.  Take care Kathryn and thanks for being there.
      Laura 

    • #22421
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya Katie-girl!!  Major woo-hoos on the seven month accomplishment!!  I’m so proud of you.  Hope work went well and that you did something to celebrate your milestone.  It’s very important to give yourself a little nod, even if it is just a little glass of red wine on a beach … in Greece … at sunset … with Adonis for a waiter!!
      On this side, I’m feeling rather sulky and sorry for myself, so if you don’t see me for a bit, please don’t worry.  I have individual therapy tomorrow, so I’m hoping that will shake the funk.
      Talk soon, Seven-Month Super Star!!
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22422
      flowers
      Participant

        congrats on 7 months for you and me its hard to believe that were on our way to a gamble free life.ive gain new insights and strenght in my gamble free months that i hope will keep me gamble free ,i dont miss it and i guess i have to think of the money ive saved and the self worth ive gain back, it a win win situation for us .have a wonderful day
              flowers

    • #22423
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      Well done on your 7 months (and 1 day) that really is a great achievement, its funny, everyone elses time seems to fly but mine seems to go slower! Seriously though you really have changed your life around and you are a great inspiration to everyone here. Keep it up and your year will be here before you know it.
      Cheers
      CarlMy soul is back

    • #22424
      vab45
      Participant

      Kathryn, just wanted to poke my fingers in here and say keep it up, it’s working.
      VAB45"I’ve got to UNCOVER my emotions to RECOVER my character"

    • #22425
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you so much for your posts, i was thrilled to recieve them.  I have had a fairly quiet few days, today i didnt get dressed until almost 2pm!  That is the one thing i like the most about holidays, the lazing around!
      Damian is going away tomorrow, for the weekend.  The boys at work put money in a kitty every week, which at the end of the year is used for a trip away, so im sure he will have a good time. They are going to the races on Saturday, which means that Dames will be betting on the horses, but im not concerned.  I have to say, watching horses go round a track has never interested me, considering i am terrified of them!  So in terms of gambling, yes, he is but i dont deem it detrimental to my recovery.  I am going to go out for dinner tomorrow night i think, and have a nice meal with my kids.
      Brea has been a bit stressed the last couple of days.  She is worried about getting in to her University of choice, plus taking driving lessons and realising its a bit harder than first thought isnt helping either.  Im stepping back and letting her work through it, anything i say seems to antagonise her so im zipping it! ( i know, hard to believe for me!) Work has been fine, no problems there, and i have started counselling via email, which is an interesting concept in itself, but as ive said before, its time to work on the inside and its quite nice to be able to really think about things before writing them down. I have only just started, so im pretty excited about it all really. 
      So thats my life in a nutshell at the moment,  next week i am the one going away, to Melbourne to the Australian Open tennis with my sister and her 2 daughters.  It should be great fun, we are staying in some apartment up there, right near the shopping!!! lol.  We are attending 2 night sessions, Friday and Saturday, so that leaves all day Saturday to shop…what a bummer!!!
      Anyway, i hope you are all having a lovely day, thanks again for all your wonderful thoughts, you have lifted my spirits!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22426
      dean
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      You sound like you doing so good. Melbourne for the tennis! Im very very jealous.
      You should be very proud of yourself, you are not only helping yourself but many others who you take time to talk to , especially those early in recovery need to stories of people doing good.
      Im almost 3 weeks without gambling, its been so difficult last few days but I got through it…..
      One day at a time
      Thanks Kath
      Dean
      xDesperate for help

    • #22427
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Thanks for your encouraging posts.  It is great to hear about the normal things in life.  That’s awesome about the Austrailian Open.  My son that just went off to college played competitive tennis, however, didn’t want to in college, so I know that will be fun.  Just wanted to drop by your posts and say hi!You can do anything if you put your mind to it!Best Wishes to You All – DD

    • #22428
      minni
      Participant

      Hello, Ms. Kathryn.  I hope you enjoyed something delicious at dinner with your kids.  I had no appetite for a couple of weeks after my surgery and now I’m RAVENOUS!  I’ve had a very unnatural craving for Chinese food for the past several days and finally did something about it, only I didn’t love what I ordered.  Rats! 
      I can’t thank you enough for your last post on my thread.  I heard a *DING* after I read it – "COPING" mechanism.  I wonder why that whole concept was eluding me as I was trying to sort out my anger=casino trip a few days ago.  Interesting because the very word "coping" is exactly what’s been rolling around on the tip of my tongue, I just couldn’t form it (I think the anesthesia is finally leaving my system, but I swear it does weird things to you.  Although, after my grandmother had a stroke, she kept calling helicopters sattelites because that was the only word that came to mind for her.  I kind of understand her verbal struggle there.).
      And you were right about something else:  Of course I had other problems last year.  Of course I did!  I really thought about what you said, and, jeez, I was out of work, going through a major depression, had just moved, my husband had just been diagnosed with diabetes that he wasn’t taking care of…*DING DING DING DING!!!!*  Ah, here’s something – my husband is back and so is all of his drama!  And that’s not to say that all of my strife is his fault.  It’s not.  But he certainly brings an element upheaval to the table that I try very hard to stay away from. 
      Anyway, thank you for giving me something to chew on.  I’ve got wheels turning in my little head at the moment.  Enjoy your weekend!  Big hug to you!

    • #22429
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey K,
      not much to say, have a lovely head and chest cold to keep me down.  Been doing some reading and posting though which is a nice change.  Hope you are having a lovely weekend.  I too am jealous, Britney and Tennis!  And shopping and shopping lol.  Take care,
      Laura

    • #22430
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, im having trouble.  For someone who can never shut up, i have kind of become…blank.  I cant seem to think of what to say, im lost for words, and i have to say its extremely annoying, i have been reading and reading posts all weekend and when i go to post, nothing comes into my head.  Its insane!
      I am tired, it could have something to do with it, but my posting ‘mojo’ has left me for a minute.  Why is that?  I can only guess.  Maybe Dr Evil stole it? 
      Anyway, i can only apologise, i am keeping up with everyones progress, i just dont have the brain capacity to reply at the moment.  Im going to have another crack at it. So please bear with me, im having a minute, it’ll pass.
      Take care, i hope you have all had a lovely weekend,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!

    • #22431
      kathryn
      Participant

      Ok, so after my sooky sulky post i just told Laura i need to count my blessings, so ive come back to do it!
      I am healthy
      I have a healthy family
      I have food, a roof over my head and petrol in my car
      I am loved, and i love
      I have friends from all over the world who care, and whom i care about
      I have money in the bank
      I am not afraid
      I am not alone
      I am not gambling
      Ok, so thats the short version, oh, and one last thing, i am happy!
      sorry about my last post, i think i was being a little sad and sorry and im snapping out of that right this second.  After reading what i have just written, i should slap myself…lol. I think my mojo has just returned!!!
      See ya, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22432
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      glad you got your mojo back lol.  As an introvert who admires the qualities of an extrovert, always being lively and such fun, I have often wondered if it can sometimes get to be a bit of a pressure.  You know, always being positive and funny, being on and knowing the right thing to say.  So don’t worry if you lose your mojo for a litte bit.  You too are allowed to have a few moments where you are not "on".  We will love you all the same 🙂  And have no fear, I am sure your mojo will never be far away for long.  It is part of what makes you you!
      Have a great day Katheryn as I believe it is now morning for you.
      Laura

    • #22433
      micky
      Participant

      hi kathryn. Great last post, it means so much more when you write it down, makes you think about what you have alot more than just saying it. As for me iv’e just had 2 non CG days , it’s been a nightmare controlling the urges. Roll on tomorrow.
      Mickybeneath the ashes fires rage

    • #22434
      salina
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Salina here.
      I just wanted to respond to your post about my name.  Im sorry its taken me so long.. Anyhow, I somehow got something out of your story about your little girls doll. I think I felt that maybe I am or was beautiful at one time. Before I became so ugly with this disease.    I am glad that when you see my name it gives you a memory that sounds like is a happy memory..
      I want to be someone other than who I am.  I do not like who this new person is.,I want to be beautiful again and happy..  I cant make it one weekend without going.. All my wants and desires go out the windown when i am driven to gamble.  My husband was talkin 90 miles an hour before he left for work tonight. I was sharing with him that one of my sons has chosen his major to be in the medical field. He is in the army and got a green to gold scholarship for a very outstanding university here in calif. So he will not have to be deployed for awhile and his has chosen to try to become a doctor!!  can you believe that?? I am so so excited   any how  I was telling my husband and he says ooh there is a great dr on tv. Dr deary or something like that… and this doctor says if you want to do something or be something in your life you need to vision it.. You need to see yourself doing it and you will do it..  Well all I could think about at the time was gamble free..  It is so true. if we picture in our minds that we have a differnt life I think it will come true
      I am so hoping t hat I can vision myself happy, not gamblin, and living a productive life without stress and worry. 
      Anyhow I am ramblin  as soon as I can get out of "ME" for a minute I will ask how you and others are doing.  For now, I cant think about anything except my disgusting self… eventually you all will see that I really care about others and hope I dont come across as being all about me.   Thats another thing, I was never like this before. I would never talk just about me. I only cared about everyone else. This is NOT ME!  Help I am locked inside this disease!!this to shall pass

    • #22435
      meglee
      Participant

      Yay for getting your MOJO back chook!!!! Sometimes we have to lose our mojo for a bit, just so we can rejoice and appreciate it when it returns! LOL!
      In all seriousness, you should be commended, for your constant HONESTY! You say it how it is. you speak your truth. I know you may not have always done that when you were gambling……….but you do NOW! Thank you for sharing – even on the days when you feel you have nothing to say. Believe me kathryn, when you do that, it reassures so many of us – that its OKAY to have days like that! I’ve said it before….i will say it again…. YOU ARE SUCH AN INSPIRATION TO SO MANY ON THIS SITE!!! Thank you.
      Love ya! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
      Meg"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22436
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K:  Thanks as always for the uplifting post.  Feeling a little more in control today (not much, but getting there).  Have been quite productive today.  Helped hubby choose a new name for his off-shoot company.  He FINALLY got his mojo back after a lot of positive thinking lecturing from me.  I’m so glad, and I have a GOOD feeling that he’s going to do really well without the weight of a partner.  (I did warn him, mind you, about the follies of partnership.  He thought I was just being negative at the time.  And I’m too big to say:  "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" …LOL!  But I did tell him)
      SO … what happened with Brea?? I’m dying to know!!  I can imagine she’s a bit tense … at her age, this kind of decision is HUGE!!  Either way, she’ll succeed though, she sounds bright and committed.  I know the time has passed, but I’m still crossing everything until I hear from you on this!
      About your mojo drain … I’d like to give you my take.  When I started my counselling sessions, I found that I came on here a little less.  Felt like therapy overload.  Just wondering if you may have felt the same way, having just started your one-on-one counselling?  On the other hand, sometimes, we just need a teensy break from thinking/discussing/mulling over/dissecting the whole gambling thing.  So when your mojo flags, take your time … we’re always here!
      Anyway, gotta go pick up the kidlets.  Lots of project work tonight.  Got the extension until tomorrow (and I lived through it, lol!!)
      Talk soon, my lovely friend.
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22437
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, Brea got into her University and course of choice, we are thrilled.  She is going to do Primary Teaching meaning she will teach grades prep-6 when she is done.  We have a information day next week, im working so im going to have to either get someone to fill the shift, and if i cant im going to chuck a sickie…i know, i hate doing it, but the info day doesnt start till 2.30…i start at 4.30 and Brea comes first so hopefully i will be able to fill the shift without a problem. Im working tonight so i will have a look at the roster and see what i can come up with.
      Anyways, just wanted to let you know, take care all and have a lovely day, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22438
      flowers
      Participant

        glad you got your mojo back
               flowers

    • #22439
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i managed to legitimately get the day off next week without a problem. The receptionist at work is just beautiful, and we get on well.  She sorted it out for me without  a hitch!
      I am off to the tennis tomorrow for the weekend, im excited to see who will be playing and spending time with my sister and my neices. 
      I recieved my yearly membership letter from my venue of choice today, i didnt open it, it went straight into the bin (recycle of course!) I was actually surprised to get it.  Damian also got one, i put his in the bin too but will ask him if he wants to stay a member, its his choice, but i have a feeling he wont want to.
      My mojo is still a little shakey, but in saying that, i am here reading every day.  I love seeing the progression of others, it lifts my spirits to know that people are working hard to help themselves.  I have to go grocery shopping today, ugh, but as im going away the fellas will need some sustanace in this house! 
      So really, that about all from me, i hope you are all having a lovely day,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22440
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Enjoy the tennis this weekend.  I may have posted before about this, but my son played competitive juniors tennis (18 and under) and I LOVED watching his matches.  The good, the bad and the ugly, but it was time well spent and TONS of great bonding time.  Enjoy!You can do anything if you put your mind to it!Best Wishes to You All – DD

    • #22441
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I am emotionally exhausted at the moment.  My counsellor is making me think, long and hard about myself and i have found it to be extremely draining (RG, you are spot on) I am a person full of emotion, they run my life and i am finding that im so tired, drained and flat that any kind of emotion only makes me worse. (I hope that makes sense)
      I almost feel that it has all been drained out of my body, and i am going through the motions everyday, just living.  I dont like this feeling, im always happy go lucky (well, not really lucky but you know what i mean) but after talking to Harry last night (love ya H) today i am just going to accept this feeling for what it is and go with it. I am off to Melbourne with my sister, she is so excited and im really ho-hum.  I know ill be right when i get there, but that to me shows how flat i really am.  I am usually bursting with excitement, as i never really go anywhere.
      I dont remember being this tired, and yet im not sleeping well at all.  I know this is going to pass, Im constantly lost for words on this forum (not like me either) so i guess you will all have to put up with a bit of a downer me for a while until i get through it.  Not gambling, really, was the easy part, i was ready, joyful in fact.  Self exclusion was like a natural thing for me to do and i embraced it with open arms, be it a scary thing, i felt totally free walking out with those papers in my hand. Every day since i know it was the best thing i have ever done in my life, i have never regretted it for a single second, or wished i hadnt done it.
      This part, the ‘me’ part is a lot harder.  I have always been an ignorer, i let things wash over me and now its time to dig deep and for once in my life, concentrate on myself.  Its bloody difficult.  Im finding it totally draining, my energy is gone, i cant do anything, and at the same time it frustrates me to no end. I know that counselling is going to make me a better person, for want of a better word.  Understanding myself is something i need to do, for me and if this is part of it, well, im embracing that too.  Im just so happy i have all of you to talk to, i couldnt cope if i had to hold these thoughts in my head, with all the rest swilling around!
      I really need to go and pack, normally i would have been ready 3 days ago, so i need to get my bum off this chair and get organised!
      Have a great weekend everyone, take care,
      Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22442
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi K:  Guru RG checking in!!  Sometimes I think you’re me, living in an alternate universe.  I’ve been having a similar week.  These are rough times and for the very first time, I’ve had to sit with my feelings … I have no choice, I have no money to gamble.  Weeks like this one would have been the times that I would’ve flown, not driven, to the casino.  One night, I was so stressed, distressed, sad, disturbed, I thought my mind would snap and I’d end up in a corner somewhere drooling and babbling.  It was ugly, and painful … but I had to feel it.  And I’m SO glad I did.
      Sounds like you’ve made great inroads yourself.  As I learn more about living in the present, I’m finding out more about what it means.  The meditations are not to relieve stress and send you to Nirvana (I know some people on here may think I’m ready for the tie-dyed robe), it is just to bring you into the present.  And that may be joyful, sad, terrifying or peaceful.  The idea is just to accept it for what it is.  I don’t meditate sitting or lying down.  I do it when I fold the laundry, when I do the dishes … and you know what … I find myself LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!!!  Never thought I’d see the day, but it is so restful to bring your mind to the exact thing you’re doing and not allow the loud noise of life interrupt.  You should try it, the next time you’re hanging out the laundry.  Feel the sun on your face.  Smell the freshness of the wet laundry.  Feel the cool wetness on your hands.  Observe your body as it bends and straightens.  Feel the smoothness of the clothes pegs.  Oh yes, my friend, their is Zen in laundry!!!  It’s really about engaging all your senses.
      What has this to do with gambling.  Living awake and aware, we learn to feel the good, bad and ugly and observe it, without having to act on it.  We are so used to living on autopilot in these days of super-technology, that we live our lives asleep to the joys that are right in front of us.
      When you go to Melbourne, practice mindfulness.  You will see and experience things you can’t believe.  Have I already recommended the movie The Peaceful Warrior to you (with Nick Nolte)?  I think it will resonate with you unbelievably right now, with where you are in your recovery.
      That’s it for me for today.  Enjoy your time with your sister.  Enjoy the sun and the food, and the gorgeous men’s tennis (aren’t they the most beautiful things on earth?  Now THERE’S something that I’ll gladly stay in the present for, lol)
      Talk soon …. OMMMM!!!
      Love and hugs,
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22443
      vera
      Participant

      Kathryn! I’ve been too busy to read up on everyone. I’m only scanning threads, so from what I read on yours, it seems that you could do with a cyber “gee-up”! Talk soon! 7 and a half months is something to really proud of!…….all the sevens

    • #22444
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I hope you are having a relaxing weekend!You can do anything if you put your mind to it!Best Wishes to You All – DD

    • #22445
      salina
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      Hi All,
      I am emotionally exhausted at the moment.  My counsellor is making me think, long and hard about myself and i have found it to be extremely draining (RG, you are spot on) I am a person full of emotion, they run my life and i am finding that im so tired, drained and flat that any kind of emotion only makes me worse. (I hope that makes sense)
      I almost feel that it has all been drained out of my body, and i am going through the motions everyday, just living.  I dont like this feeling, im always happy go lucky (well, not really lucky but you know what i mean) but after talking to Harry last night (love ya H) today i am just going to accept this feeling for what it is and go with it. I am off to Melbourne with my sister, she is so excited and im really ho-hum.  I know ill be right when i get there, but that to me shows how flat i really am.  I am usually bursting with excitement, as i never really go anywhere.
      I dont remember being this tired, and yet im not sleeping well at all.  I know this is going to pass, Im constantly lost for words on this forum (not like me either) so i guess you will all have to put up with a bit of a downer me for a while until i get through it.  Not gambling, really, was the easy part, i was ready, joyful in fact.  Self exclusion was like a natural thing for me to do and i embraced it with open arms, be it a scary thing, i felt totally free walking out with those papers in my hand. Every day since i know it was the best thing i have ever done in my life, i have never regretted it for a single second, or wished i hadnt done it.
      This part, the ‘me’ part is a lot harder.  I have always been an ignorer, i let things wash over me and now its time to dig deep and for once in my life, concentrate on myself.  Its bloody difficult.  Im finding it totally draining, my energy is gone, i cant do anything, and at the same time it frustrates me to no end. I know that counselling is going to make me a better person, for want of a better word.  Understanding myself is something i need to do, for me and if this is part of it, well, im embracing that too.  Im just so happy i have all of you to talk to, i couldnt cope if i had to hold these thoughts in my head, with all the rest swilling around!
      I really need to go and pack, normally i would have been ready 3 days ago, so i need to get my bum off this chair and get organised!
      Have a great weekend everyone, take care,
      Kathryn xx
      Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.
         Hi Kathryn,
      All I can think of while I am reading your post is your not gamblin.  I mean it is sad that you are feeing tired drained and emotionally exhausted. But for some reason I think this is part of your recovery. But then again how would I know as I cannot make it one lousy weekend. I havent had a chance to feel those feelings of recovery. 
      You said self exclusion was  a natural thing for you t do and and that you embraced it with open arms. Your feeling of being free as you walkes out of the casino with your papers makes me want that so bad. I cant do it!! I went again today and blew it. I do not want to elaborate as I am totally disgusted and want someone to stop me. I know I have to do it but i need some help. I need someone to o with me to the casino. I thought I had a plan with one of the GA  members I met at the one meeting I went to.  Anyhow I dont have it in me to even seek out on here today. I dont know what to say and obviously, I havent  learned a damn thing. Except that I am very very sick and  need help!!!
      best  to you on your weekend outthis to shall pass

    • #22446
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      Hi All,
      My mojo is still a little shakey, …

      Originally posted by meglee to Jess

      Hi Jess
      Thanks so much for your post, I’m so glad you checked in on Kathryn’s thread in ‘journal’ – she’s amazing – the support she offers to others is an inspiration too. … 
      … Kathryn, Ah i love it when i can (almost) make you bawl! haha. Us kiwis can do that to you Aussies pretty easily anyway eh? LOL! …
      Hello Kathryn,Just thought I would say hi, and that where you feel that your mojo may not be working for you, it is still working on others as evident by the above remarks.  Many here, myself for one, feel the powers of your presence.Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

    • #22447
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you all for taking the time to post, it was lovely to read when i got home today.  Yes, the tennis was amazing, i swear Tommy Haas kept looking at me!  lol. We saw some terrific games and they had a legends doubles game on last night.  Henri LeConte was there and he was an absolute scream, i didnt stop laughing the whole time, great fun!
      Im still not feeling fantastic in myself, but hey, thats life and im just going with the flow.  Theres not much i can do about it,  so im just going day to day and trying not to let myself feel too down.  I have the kids home for another week so they will keep me busy.
      Anyways, just wanted to say hi.  I havent gambled and that is a true blessing, not even a thought this weekend, although my mind (and my eyes) were on other things!!!
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22448
      meglee
      Participant

      Hey girlfriend
      I dont even know who tommy haas IS!!!!! ….but if he was checkin you out – then the man must have a great eye, and good taste!!!!!! LOL (so, did he win his game?)
      Glad you had a cool weekend. Sorry to hear your mojo might’ve gone walkabout a little (still), but might i remind you ….. THAT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL! Mojo’s have a habit of doing that!!! But then they miss you, and they come back!
      We all know you’re not really superwoman, though you do a fine impression of one hehe. You dont have to be!!! Life really IS the roller-coaster ride kathryn, and without the lows, we’d NEVER appreciate the highs. Roll with it babe – and remember too……kids go back to school next week (YIPPPPPEEEEEEEE)!!! It will be nice to get back to the routine (yes i know that involves me getting up about 2 hours earlier than i do during school hol’s, but i’ll deal with it!!!).
      I STILL dont have the kids school uniforms sorted… but frankly I dont care WHAT they wear on the first day back. I just know I’ll be skipping in those school gates with all the other mums, eager to kiss their little faces GOODBYE! lol
      and BTW…. yay, to ‘no thoughts of gambling’! You rock!
      Love ya much. Love and light
      Meg xxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22449
      flowers
      Participant

        dear kathyrn stay strong  we can change our life and we can heal ourselves
         flowers

    • #22450
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      I’m so glad you had a great weekend.  Ok – so those tennis guys can be really FUN to look at!  And girl, you must have more of your Mojo than you think, if Tommy Haas was looking at you.  I was just checking in to see how things were going.  I think Meg has some great, great points.  Hang in there.  Even though you might not always feel like it, you are a rock to many, many of us here.  Have a great one!You can do anything if you put your mind to it, but you just can’t control the outcome.Have a great day! – DD

    • #22451
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ms. K:  As Meglee says, your mojo has gone walkabout … and that’s ok.  It wants you to find your wuji (centre)…lol!!  Sometimes when we’re seeking our wuji, we have to face emotional swings … kinda like a pendulum swings until it finds it centre.  (Lawd, I’m starting to be the analogy queen!)
      Anyway, it may sound like I’m floating in a sea of calm and loving kindness with all the mindfulness.  That, of course, is not true.  It takes practice … lots and lots of daily practice … and I’m not even close to getting it.  But the neat thing is, the moments when I am mindful, I find joy.  The other thing it is teaching me is that when I’m mindful of feeling awful, it’s ok to just feel it.  As cgs, our immediate inclination is to run … but its better to just sit and feel it.  I thought I would lose my mind trying to sit with my stress the other day, but I did … and it passed.  And that is the impermanence of life.  No matter how good or how bad anything is, it is only that way for the moment, so appreciate and deal with what’s there.
      As crappy as you may feel, it is part of your growing, so grow away my friend.  Don’t fear the flatness, or the size of the hill, or the bumpiness of the ride.  There are lessons in it all and it’s what adds texture to this wonderful life.
      On this side of the world, I’ve had a quiet but productive weekend.  It’s Sunday night and I am midway through homework and studying with the boys.  I still have oodles of laundry to do, but will get to that too.  I am determined to eke out an hour for yoga.  Did 70 minutes last night and just loved it.  Now that’s something I could get addicted to.
      Well, gotta go.  Feel better my friend.  Make yourself a cup of tea and just go outside for five minutes.  Choose a patch of your garden and just really look at it.  See the colour of the soil, the undulation of the patch, the shape and colour of the plants.  Notice the smell in the air (gorgeous ocean), feel the sun, feel the tea as it warms your throat.  That is what mindfulness is.  Just spending more time noticing where you are and what’s happening around you.  It really isn’t anything too woo-woo!!
      Hugs.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22452
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Oh … and P bloody S:  Tommy Haas is heaven on legs …. sigh!!!

    • #22453
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      I see you have been busy admiring Tommy Haas, i havent even seen him but im going to google him right after i finish this post.  Hey i hope things are great for you, i really miss posting and reading, it drives me crazy sometimes but i am having fun with my boy.  I was so worried about someone finding me out from the posts, so silly i know but i well i figure if they do they do and thats that. 
      Anyway im sending you happy thoughts from over here Kathryn, look forward to posting and chatting more when i get back
      P

    • #22454
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, today is Australia Day, a day to celebrate all things Australian!!! In reality, most people get the day off so they are just happy for that, they have a bbq, eat lots of lamb and drink lots of beer! lol
      I told a colleage at work last night about my addiction.  We were having tea and i was reading the paper.  There was an article in it about a man suing a casino, and what got to me was that the judge said that he had the choice to self exclude anytime he liked. Now, we all know when we are in the depths of this addiction that is not an option, yes the choice is there, but there is so little understanding of cg, that it got my back up.
      Anyway, i was talking to this colleage about it and i said that i was a cg, and pointed out the comments above, she was so shocked.  This woman and i didnt get on for a very long time, she didnt like me ‘taking her shifts’, which were never hers, but it took a long time for it to be resolved.  I dont know why i told her, it just came out.  She said she couldnt believe it, and then mentioned the dinner we had been to for the work break up.  I told her i was ok when we were there, but i was a bit uncomfortable. She said next time we would go somewhere else where there were no machines.  I thought that was very nice of her.  What was wierd was that it was the most natural thing in the world to say, i wasnt worried about it, i didnt wonder what she would think of me when i told her, i just told her!
      If not for this place, to be able to talk so freely about cg, i dont know that i would have said anything. It is such a part of me, it like saying, i have asthma! No big deal.  And it felt quite good really.
      I hope you all have a great day, Happy Australia Day to all us Aussies!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22455
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Happy Australia Day!!! (I didn’t miss it, did I?  Just never know with the time difference.)  I was going to say something about putting the shrimp on the barbie, but that is just so 1990-Crocodile Dundee, so I won’t!  Anyway,  can’t chat for long because I’m meant to be job hunting.  And yes, only now at 6:29 p.m.  I spent the entire day stressing and pouting ‘cos hubby and I had a huge blow-up this morning.  We’re both under tremendous strain and unfortunately, neither of us are being very patient or rational with the other.  Then add to that extended family drama coming from my side of the family and you have an almighty mess of stress!
      The idea of running to the casino still comes at the hardest of times when I feel like I’m going to burst.  But I am proud when I realize that I’ve got over yet another hurdle without giving in.  I’m actually looking forward to doing some yoga tonight.  (With all this yoga, should have that yoga butt in no time, lol!)  But first it’s the hunt, then the hours of homework (again!!) and THEN yoga.
      I hope you’re having a marvellous day.  Enjoy a little sunshine for us in the grey and chilly north.
      Love,
      RG
      This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.– 26/01/2010 1:20:15 AM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #22456
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Great story!  You sound so confident and at ease discussing cg.  Neat to hear.  For me, I would feel a real sense of accomplishment to be able to discuss cg as such a matter of fact condition.  Although I know all to well that it is something we always have to watch, but your ability to discuss this freely shows your success with your recovery.  Neat, neat stuff!You can do anything if you put your mind to it, but you just can’t control the outcome.Have a great day! – DD

    • #22457
      drakk
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Happy Australia Day, and yes RG lamb has always outnumbered the shrimps on the barbie. That may explain why Paul Hogan Lives in the US now and not down under anymore, but what ever your tastes the point is to celebrate as aussies we have every other day of the year to define what an aussie is and does,….lets face it 🙁 with a total fire ban…there wont be any bbq at my house either way.
      Interesting story about your collegue and you kathryn, truth is ppl don’t really know the struggle we go through until they hear it  or read about it in the news, in my case many ppl knew of my habit, most of the people I’m close to at work would joke about it, others would try to avoid the subject.
      As for the news artical. I somehow agree with the judges decision, because its the right outcome for such a case, But I understand what you mean about no longer having a choice, or being able to make a rational decision on gambling, I’ve been there and know what it is to be a cg, but the same could be said about smoking, drinking, drugs, and every other vice, and this is where we have to lobby a court, to maybe give casinos…like bars and alcohol shops the righ and/or duty to ban someeone whom they consider is causing harm to themselves. This is somehow dificult to do, how do you know when a person has gambbled too much, unlike alcohol the physical signs aren’t that obvious. Casinos themselves prefer long term customers and rather ones that will always stay financial, it is hardly in there interest to send ppl broke. maybe the future of gambling will mean that all players will have to be registered and they will only be able to play according to their means. but that is hard to implement and regulate.
      All we can do in the meantimes is be here to pick up the pieces, and help ppl recover once they realise and are ready for recovery, it has been a difficult and lengthy road to change the laws regarding smoking where the physical harm is obvious and clear to everyone, and none of those laws prohibit ppl entirely from smoking. it will take even longer to change laws about gambling.

    • #22458
      salina
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      I am back, not sure exactly where my head has been at but I have come to the conclusion that i need to be here. I am thankful and grateful for all of you and your support. It was lookin pretty grim for me these last few days, I think I am back on track thank goodness I am a  quick learner.  I have not gambled since I had my meltdown on Friday and dont plan on any time soon.  I am hoping for this coming up weekend to remember my grief and my debt to keep me away this weekend.  I have taken all checks out of my purse and all cards. The only card I have left is the joint account which my husband is on and for some reason when I am out of control at the casino I know better than to use that card. He would find out and I am afraid to go there so I have restained from using that card.
      It is intersting to me to know that I can do that, when all other options have no value or consequences in my mind once i am gamblin. so anyhow, nothin in my purse plans to self exclude and keep comin here.
      So I am back. Thank God! That was so scary   you know tha way I was feeling … I think you all have saved my lifethis to shall pass

    • #22459
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i am sitting in my back room with the sulks. I just had a big row with hubby over something so unbelieveably stupid.  So at this moment i am not speaking to him because if i do i just know it will turn into a full blown scream fest and im not prepared to do that to myself the way i am feeling already.  So i have retreated, for now.  Dinner is cooking and i feel like throwing his in the bin…lol, how childish can you get?
      I have quite the pit in my stomach at the moment, besides being really really hungry my anger causes me to want to run, and not the exercise kind.  So i will go and get the laundry off the line, fold it and put it away, finish dinner and try to do my best not to dwell on it.  We are stubborn, him and i and i usually cave.  Im not caving today.  Im not prepared to crawl and be all lovey, to pretend everything is just peachy.  He can be mean when he wants to be and i know by tomorrow (he’ll hold this grudge for days if he has to) ill have to make it all better as i hold a grudge for about 5 minutes. Ok, that said, i had better check dinner.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22460
      flowers
      Participant

         hold on to good feelings they empower us the bad feelings anger depression will keep us in a dark place.stay strong keep moving in a positive direction it sounds like your gaining insight keep it up
           flowers

    • #22461
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey lady:  Finished pouting yet?  Hope so … and that you’re back to your smiley self.  It’s then end of Tuesday and I’ve just finished chatting with Salina and Lee.  You were missed.  I don’t have much left in me.  I am deliciously tired after a fairly successful day of job hunting, homework and other mommy duties.  Did my yoga, yay me!!  Now I’m going to shower and give my hair a deep conditioning.  Have my annual physical tomorrow … blugh, but sometimes we must eat our vegetables, right?
      Anyway, babbling again.  Chin up, Chiquita, it’s all part of the lovely fabric of life.
      Enjoy the sunshine and go to the beach for me.
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22462
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Firstly, the row blew over and all is well.  I was over it all in 5 minutes.
      Today, i took Brea to her University enrollment day.  We had to go into this big lecture hall, it was massive and sit and listen to the ladies explaining courses, units, electives…i may as well have been in a non english speaking country!  I kept saying to Brea…have you done that? Do you know what you have to do and she was like, YES MUM, ive done it all!  Thank goodness cause i would have been about as much help as a slug!
      Jode came too, and after the talk they were going to the lab to fill out forms, student ID, all that stuff and Brea said, its ok mum, you dont need to come with me, ill be fine.  There was just the tiniest tug at my heart, one because she didnt need me, and two because i was so proud of her for being a big girl and wanting to do it on her own.  Yay, i did a good job with that one!
      So Jode and I went and had a lovely cappuccinno, sat in the sun, talked and talked until it she came back. I am really proud of her, she is a great young lady! (most of the time…lol)
      I have decided on a lifestyle change.  As the boys are starting school on Monday, this is my opportunity to lose some weight. I have never been on a diet before, but my sister is on one, its actually eating more often which is a good thing, and she has dropped the weight like it is nobody’s business, she looks absolutely fantastic.  So Jode and I (yes, we do everything together, although she has the wedding and ‘that’ dress) are starting the kick on Monday.  Im actually looking forward to it as i feel like a fat lump at the minute.  We are going to walk 4 times a week and work the diet.  Ill keep you posted on the progress!!!
      So i did have a great day today, im feeling pretty energetic tonight, although i still have dishes to do and washing to fold….it never ends…lol.
      I hope you all have a great day, take care and bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22463
      flowers
      Participant

        dear kathryn life is good may you stay on that road of positve and away from wrong turns of negitive.
                    flowers

    • #22464
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hiya Kathryn
      I have just wheezed across the room to tell you I started my diet on Monday which includes not having a little drink most evenings to round the day off. Apparently there are loads of calories in a little drink – well a little bottle anyway.
      So I will be on the scales near you and checking that you are succeeding. You’ve got Jode to help you but I am on my own. My husband says he wants to lose weight but that only ever lasts 24 hours and as that was Monday I am on my own again!
      I walk the dogs everyday so I get some exercise and my fingers are probably quite fit from typing on the site. The trouble is the sound of that lovely cappuccino has my mouth watering and it is only 11 in the morning!!
      One of the biggest advances in my recovery was saying that I am the mother of a compulsive gambler and not being afraid to say it. It is surprising the responses and interest you can get. The girl who did my nails last night (a new pamper for me) told me that her first husband had been a CG and she wished she had had someone to talk to. Another girl talked to me about her son at a ‘do’ in a friend’s garden last summer.  I have no embarrassment or shame for me or my CG. In fact I think ‘stuff ‘em’ if it bothers them. Wise up this illness, it is a fact; it is everywhere and the more people who accept it the better for all of us. 
      I have to say it is not my opening words – I don’t launch in unless it is appropriate but I feel as free about saying it as I am about saying I hate ironing and actually I say that a whole lot more!!
      I like the sound of a life-style change. I don’t get that feeling until March 1st and I feel that the long dark nights are behind me but having my nails done last night was part of my latest life-style change I suppose. It certainly means I cannot go and pull the wall-paper off the rear lobby today or I might mess them up!!!!!!!!
      I had forgotten the dress – I don’t suppose that Jode has! When is the wedding?
      Sorry I can’t stop long. I love it when you walk over to the F&F side of the room but I don’t suppose you lose much weight as we are all so much closer than we think. I can nip up to the scales and see if I lost anything wheezing over here but I think the coffee in the kitchen is closer.
      I’m sure slugs must be good for something – and by the way what is sun????
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #22465
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I think it has been ten days or so since I have been able to get to thread and check in with you.  I have been catching up on your thread in between trying to participate in a group chat, which didn’t last long as I was then called to fix the mess my oldest son was making giving himself a buzz cut.  It was quite a sight lol.  He had used a guard on the clippers that was way to small and left a near bald patch up the back of his head lol.
      It seems as though you have been feeling much the same as me these days.  So thank-you thank-you thank-you for stopping by to boost my spirits and give me a pep talk.  I wonder too if some of the empty feelings can be related to the chemical changes in our brain.  My counsellor said that the irritability and down feelings can come and go for up to two years.  Add to that all our self improvement, digging deep into ourselves and not a wonder we can be a little out of whack.
      But we are fighters or we wouldn’t be here.  So we will keep on working through these things with a steady determination.  So glad you are here on this journey
      Well, I have to run and finish getting supper ready.
      Take care, I’ve been thinking of you.
      Laura

    • #22466
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chook
      Well, its not often i find you way back in page 3!? Whats with that? Thought i should drag you back to the top (as you have so often done for me. x)
      How’s your week been? and how’s your head (ie- where’s it at?). We are so used to you sharing your thoughts with us, your highs and lows, that your silence makes me wonder.
      It could be you’re back at work and just busy…..hmmmm. maybe. I’m guessing that it must also be a strange head-space at the moment with your oldest about to start uni, and with that, becoming SO independant – while at the same time your baby starts school, and takes those first real steps towards his own little indepandance!
      Wow, thats quite alot for a mum to get her head round (well, it would be for ME!). I hope you are also taking the time to step back and admire these wonderful young people you created – and give yourself a damn good pat on the back. Any steps towards independance that our kids take is a credit to us all, as parents, that we are strong enough and trusting enough to ‘let go’ of them!
      Have you and jodes started your new regime? (by the way when does she have to wear "that dress"?). I very half-heartedly started some weight training last week LOL. I’m really gonna have to push myself to do it, coz i’m determined to be able to decent press-ups by april. (dont laugh but i dont think i’ve ever actually managed a REAL press-up in my life!). Since being separated i have truly realised what i’m lacking…………muscles!! I nearly break my back every time i have to chop wood, dig the garden or open a really stuck jar!haha. Some people are just born with some degree of upper body strength, and, well…some of us are just puny! Figure i need to find me a strong man, or build me some decent bi-ceps! LOL LOL. (i reckon the bi-ceps might be less hassle so i’ll work on that- but i’ll keep you posted!)
      We had a beautiful bright full moon at the weekend, and as always i thought of you! I hope the oldies werent going too ‘loony’.
      Just wanted you to know i’m thinking of ya.
      Love and light always
      Meg xxxxxxxxxx "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22467
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Geez Meg, you can read me like a cheap novel..almost!!! My laptop charger is broken and Dames has managed to charge it up so i have 54 minutes… i need to type quick.
      I have just finished making the lunches for tomorrow, my baby’s first day at school.  I found myself crying in the car on the way home from work today, which, by the way Meg, the oldies were MAD!!!  One lady managed to break her hip and i had only been at work for an hour…sheeeesh!  She was an amazing patient though and she is now in hospital getting wonderful care im sure.
      So back to tomorrow, i thought i would be jumping for joy…im actually pretty sad i have to say.  Plus im feeling down at the moment, still, but i know ill be ok.  Its a lot to take in at the moment, and im not coping as well as id like to be.  But hey, i always bounce back and im sure this is no different.  By Wednesday ill hopefully be feeling a bit better. 
      Now, the ‘lifestyle change’…i have to eat nothing but protein for 3 days, basically its just meat with the occasional egg thrown in…but, after that i can have vegies (no spud though) and salad and some fruit.  We only do the 3 day protein once. On the 7th day you get a free day…look out!  And then a protein day (just one) and then back to the veg and salad( all with protein of course).  My sister looks fab, and if she can do it, i can do it.  Im also going to be walking with Jode, you are not supposed to do any strenuous exercise for 4 weeks (what a shame, i was going to join the gym…lol Harry!)
      I dont know when my charger is coming, im hoping by Tuesday, and then im going to buy another battery, and have it charged as this is never going to happen again.
      I did see the full moon Meg, and you sprang to mind straight away, wasnt it magnificent?  I stood in my backyard for ages, just drinking it in (im sure you’ll be happy with that RG!) I was actually in the moment, enjoying nature at its most divine!
      So, i hope you all had a great weekend, i will have a quick look on the forum and try to save some of this battery!!! Its driving me crazy i have to tell you all.
      Oh, Jodes wedding is at the end of April…we are PUMPED…the dress may be ugly, but she is going to look fabulous in it!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22468
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Just popped by to say hi!  You have some big, real-life stuff going on right now.  Shoot, if it were me, I’d have a ball of emotions all rolled up and probably not know whether to be happy, sad, relieved, scared, and whatever else.  Glad to hear you are enjoying the little things like the full moon.  Hope you have a great day!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! If life’s not always fair, just remember, it may just be life!Have a great day! – DD

    • #22469
      howanan
      Participant

      HI Kathryn,  Yes it’s me, I’m back.  You can’t keep a good ole’ gal down long.  I have been reading and now I am back to posting. woo hoo.  It sounds like you have a full life right now.  Isn’t that great?  One child off to college , one off to school.  WOW.  Well, I know you will handle it just find and come up smellng like a rose.  I too am taking RG and Minnie’s advise and trying to stay in the moment.  It is a pleasant experience…. Thanks for checking up on me……NancyIf we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back………..

    • #22470
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya Katie-girl!!  Thanks for you lovely post and especially for allowing me some private time in the bathtub — LOL!!  I appreciate it!!  I’ve only very recently started getting private time from my boys, since they are growing up a bit.  But from a very young age (three), hubby taught them to open my bathroom door with a penny.  So very little private time in the ensuing years … I guard it jealously, lol!!
      Anyway, I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling down, but it’s not surprising really.  As everyone has said, you’re going through a passage of life with you’re eldest soaring upward and your baby starting to flap his little wings.  (Gosh, I’m almost in tears myself at the visual).  There is sadness and joy and pride in it my friend.  Let yourself feel every moment of it … it means you’re alive and living life to the fullest!! Cry your little heart out when he walks into his classroom with his teacher (don’t forget the tissues and the Visine).  I cried when I registered my eldest at three, then my baby the next year … and I cry in the car EVERY year at the beginning of the year, and when I’m cleaning out the closet and when I see them in the year end plays and when they go off on their mandatory year end trip.  I’m just a big ball of mush at the tiniest thing … but it’s cleansing and lovely!! (Speak to me when they start high school, or university — I’ll probably have a breakdown.)
      I’m willing to bet that you’ll start feeling a bit better with your walks.  You may be needing the endorphine rush.  I’m so happy to hear that you enjoyed the moon.  It was incredible!!  I saw it as I was driving to Walmart with my niece’s dog, Apryl, in the car.  It was orange-yellow and hung low on the horizon, perfectly round.  I pointed it out to Apryl who was already staring at it with huge distrust in her eyes, as if to say: "Uh oh, the loonies are going to be at their best tonight.  Starting with the one blabbering next to me …"  I wonder what people think when they see me driving along talking to dogs?
      Anyway … tell Jodes I will be joining the two of you on your quest.  I won’t do the meat thing, ‘cos I don’t have enough info on it.  But I will eat well and exercise … let’s compare notes on Fridays.  What say you???  I’m tired of being blubber-licious!!
      OK, gotta go now, TONS to do … homework, projects, laundry, groceries, walking, yoga … etc.etc. etc.
      Feel better, lovely girl.
      Talk soon.
      Hugs.
      RG
      P.S.  Forgot to mention, get lots of gum for the bad breath.  Eating meat only gives you the worst breath … lol!!
      This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.– 31/01/2010 4:53:27 PM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #22471
      linnie44
      Participant

      LOL, you sure lead a full life!   I’m excited you were able to talk to your co-worker about your addiction.  Being able to causally mention your addiction to someone else is a very, very good sign you are living your recovery. Tooooo cool! 
      I read you are on a diet now, good for you…im trying to get more exercise myself…I don’t eat a lot so it comes down to movement. (or lack of lol) I wish you well on your new project!  Such a worthy one though!
      How are you sleeping?  Any better?   I have been sleeping better since you brought up your issue, I had forgotten about deep breathing and relaxing myself ..so nice to get a full 8 – 6 hours! 
      Hang in there busy lady!
      Hugs *life is good

    • #22472
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope things are good for you, i understand about the school thing, i bawled my eyes out when my son started school.  Full moon madness hey, i think im one of the loons on the full moon, i really feel it i get insomnia and usually a bit teary round that time too.  Anyway just popping in to say hi
      P

    • #22473
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i got through today with no tears.  When the kids had to go in it was a bit of a mess, so by the time we actually got into the classroom i was a bit over it and just wanted to get Harry settled as quickly as possible and then let him get on with his day. He had a great time, although he hasnt said much, hes not a big talker and im sure he will tell me about it all when hes ready.  He did say though that he had a great day and loves school and he’s going back tomorrow so thats the main thing really.
      I started the lifestyle change today, and i have to say, its not so pleasant eating meat all day!  But, i am persisting, one day down, 2 to go and then i can eat like a normal person, well, almost. I spent today cooking all sorts of meat so i have it ready to go and dont need to wait to eat anything.  I was getting tea ready for everyone else tonight, and was chopping up a carrot and out of habit took a bite.  I was chewing away when i realised i wasnt supposed to eat it so i was spitting carrot all over the place…lol, i must have looked ridiculous. Anyway, i will keep going and hopefully will get some good results.
      Im pretty tired tonight, i went for a walk with Jode this morning, which was lovely and we have been talking about nothing else but food all day.  She is calling me ‘her meaty friend’…lol
      Anyway, i think im babbling.  I hope you all had a good weekend.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22474
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hi K,
      I thought id drop in and say hi, I did spend a good 30 mins trying to catch up but I got lost in translation!
      I am pleased that you are happy and healthy and I hope to get the chance to catch up with you soon.
      I have been avoiding my issues of late and now that I have regular access to the net again I hope not to be a stranger!Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #22475
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      When my twin daughters first went to school first I cried.
      When my baby, my son, first went to school I cried.
      I cried when they did the nativity in the church (2 angels and a 1 shepherd!)
      I cried when they passed exams
      I cried when they didn’t.
      I cried when they carried the scout and guide flags (2 guide 1 scout)
      I cried when they went to camps
      I cried when they got married
      I cried when one of my daughters had children
      I cried when I was told that one of my daughters could not have children.
      I cried when my son went into rehab
      I cried when he came out whole
      For all the tears though there have been more laughs and lots of the tears were tears of pride and happiness. It’s right and it’s good. 
      The term rollercoaster is used a lot when it comes to addiction but life is a roller coaster even without addiction – just a gentler ride – I hope you will realise that for all the downs there are going to be a load more ups from now on. You are doing ‘normal’ and you are doing it with aplomb (I used that word to get a job once so I know it’s good!)
      I am delighted that neither you nor Meg used my name in relation to oldies, new moon or madness.  I looked at it for ages – it looked so big. Apparently it is always the same size but not from my garden!! It was beautiful.
      I am looking at your diet and thinking maybe I could follow this as long as the occasional egg is thrown in. You didn’t mention cheese though and I’m not sure I can manage without it. I’m afraid my good intentions crumbled with the cold weather. I have decided to make March 1st my next first day because I always feel brighter on March 1st – the bulbs start to flower having broken through the cold earth and my eyes open better in the morning – I have to drag them into the world at the moment.
      My ‘dear’ little puppy has been sitting under my desk eating her way through the wire to my external hard drive. Fortunately she is still here and if you read this then I have survived too. She has just told me to write to running Girl and ask her why she should wonder what people thinks when she talks to her dogs – perfectly normal here!!
      As always with Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       
       

    • #22476
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Keep up the good work with the diet youare doing so well in so many areas of your life but most importantly not gambling, you should be so proud you have been a wonderful inspiration and you really helped me in the beginning to kickstart my journey here.  I think of you often as i do all my gt friends.  I managed to get on group as the times are different here, i hope to see you again on group when i get back.  Im having some struggles while away mentally.  Some things are not going so well but hey im not gambling and i have to be thankful for that. I am such a homebody i think when home i will become one of those people that never leave the house unless when absolutely necessary, going through some stuff but glad my son is happy. 
      Thinking of you in this far away land
      P

    • #22477
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, firstly onto the lifestyle change.  Jode and i, after a whole 2 days of it decided after our walk this morning to jump on the scales and see if anything was happening, i know, wishful thinking but guess what.  We have both lost 1.5kg!  I am absolutely gobsmacked, how can this be?  I rang my sister who informed me that it was exactly right, that the drop in carbs and the increase in protein just causes the weight to fall off.  I only have today to go, thank goodness and then tomorrow i can eat basically anything, as long as i have my protein.  Isnt that amazing?  After 4 weeks i will have to tighten the flab, but if its coming off that fast my sit ups will be a joy!
      Work was great last night, a woman’s husband is a limo driver and as he had an early start today he came and picked her up in it.  Of course, we all jumped in and he took us around the block, it was hysterical.  I havent enjoyed work like that in a long time. 
      My mood is pretty upbeat today, i have a whole lot of cleaning to do, but im looking forward to group this afternoon.  Brea is moping around the house, she’s depressed as she doesnt have enough work, im sure she’s expecting it to jump into her lap…good luck with that one honey!!!
      Harry is also home today, the preps get Wednesday’s off for the first term and hes already asking me if he is going to school tomorrow so thats fantastic.  I feel like i havent stopped the last 2 days.  Its Baileys 11th birthday on Friday, and im so unorganised its not funny.  I have bought him a touchpad MP3 player, he loves music and Brea is going to load all his favourite songs on it so im sure he will love it.
      Well, thats my update for today, i hope you are all having a good one.  Its pretty hot here at the moment, but there is a change coming tomorrow so i think i can cope!!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22478
      micky
      Participant

      Hi kathryn just read your post on dereks thread, a real positive, gave me something think about.
      Thanks
      Mickybeneath the ashes fires rage

    • #22479
      kathryn
      Participant

      HI All,
      I am having one of those days. Brea had her hazzard test for her licence this morning, i thought it was at 11.30 so i went to Jodes and had a coffee then we went for a walk.  At 10.00 jodies phone rings while we are walking, its Brea, the test was at 10.20.  We couldnt make the test.  Now wouldnt you think she would have called before then?  I am hopeless with appointments, she knows this and still waited till 10.  I am livid.  It also cost me an extra $30 to rebook the test. AAAAAHHHH.
      I dont like today at all.  Now she’s sulking in her room, its all my fault, she also gave me the bird!!!  i am over today already.
      Bye, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22480
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Hope your day gets better.  Hey no matter what is happening and how flat you feel, just remember the inspiration and encouragement you give to others.  You are helping people every day me being one of them and i am so thankful for you.  Your posts give me such a laugh they nearly always have some element of humour in them and i usually end up having a giggle with my cuppa.  What an awesome person you are Kathryn
      P

    • #22481
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Hope your day gets better.  Hey no matter what is happening and how flat you feel, just remember the inspiration and encouragement you give to others.  You are helping people every day me being one of them and i am so thankful for you.  Your posts give me such a laugh they nearly always have some element of humour in them and i usually end up having a giggle with my cuppa.  What an awesome person you are Kathryn
      P

    • #22482
      Anonymous
      Guest

      OK, Grumpy-puss!!  There’s only one thing for it.  Go to urbandictionary.com, type in your name and see what comes up!!  I’m still laughing about mine.  In fact, I pasted it into my FB status!!  I checked yours … bet you’ll agree.  If that doesn’t work, go to YouTube, search for Salsa Caliente by Gloria Estafan, crank it up and SHAKE THAT THANG, GIRL!!!

    • #22483
      vera
      Participant

      How come the kids always blame the parents when something goes wrong for them? I’ve had my belly full! Wait until the boys get older Kathryn. They are really good at it. How come it’s never the Dad’s fault?….Ah well! where would we be without them?… You must be edging up to the 7 month mark soon Kathryn?.. I got a new loan so now I have all my (scrambled) eggs in one basket. My repayments are pulled out over a longer period but will be less each month. I’m looking forward to checking my account online every month now ( I’ll most likely look at it every day) and I’m gonna get real greedy and stingy and never let another penny go astray!…one day at a time. My New thread will be SCROOGE!

    • #22484
      vera
      Participant

      Wrote on my tread my mistake. Read it. It’s two a.m so that’s my excuse !

    • #22485
      alice
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Hope you are well and that your week has got better! It’s frustrating when you have a day where things just won’t go right isn’t it?!
      Take care and hugs to you,
      Alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22486
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Hope all is going well.  It was great talking and laughing with you at group this morning.  I hope you are having a great day!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! If life’s not always fair, just remember, it may just be life!Have a great day! – DD

    • #22487
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi,
      Thanks to all who posted, its lovely to know people are out there listening.  I have had a couple of busy days.  Friday was Baileys 11th birthday.  He woke up in the morning, got into our bed and was so excited his whole body was shaking, it was gorgeous.  He told me last night that this was the best birthday in 10 years…lol.
      My mum, stepdad and sister came over for dinner.  Brea made a cake, well, i made the cake but she decorated it, with wrestling stuff, it looked fantastic.  Bailey had a friend over and today we went to Fairy Park.  Now i have realised, that Fairy Park is waaaay to young for the kids.  They had an ok time, not fantastic and in truth i would have rather gone to the movies, gone bowling, something other than Fairy Park.  Mind you, i had to walk up that HUGE hill.  I was really glad to get home.
      Next week, Dames is 40.  We are having a small party, his brother has organised it.  His mother is coming down for the weekend, and i have taken the day off work.  It should be fun.  I havent bought him a present as yet, we are going away the first week of March and are saving our money for that.  Im sure there will be something down the line he wants and hey, he got a boat, i think thats more than enough. I will get him some small things from the kids.  I have a lot to do this week for it.  Food wise.
      Ok, well thats about all for now, im looking forward to my free day for my diet tomorrow, ive already been shopping for it, biscuits, chocolate, all that good stuff…lol.
      I hope you all have a great weekend, take care and bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22488
      flowers
      Participant

        hi kathryn ,you sound very busy thats great busy hands and mind help keep the gambling demon away , have a great day flowers

    • #22489
      salina
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      just thought Ide pop in and say hi and nice chattin at group the other day. I am feeling somewhat better and will be here posting throughout the weekend.
      Couldnt sleep so I have been on here since 4 am. It feels good to have this place to go to and knowin that your all out there.. It is the weekend and as you probably know this is the hardest time for me as far as gamblin goes.
      No big plans on how I am not going to gamble I am just going to take it one day at a time.
      Have a great daythis to shall pass

    • #22490
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      thanks for the ear in group last night.  Things in Laura land are ok this morning.  Just living in the moment (or procrastinating not sure which it is lol).  Enjoy your free day, I think I’d spend the whole day stuffing my face with every possible goody lol.  Chocolate is definitely my downfall.  I consider it one of the four food groups.  If this diet works out for you I will probably want all the details.  I have a few love handles to take care of lol.
      My son still hasn’t returned from my sisters yet.  He took his new electric guitar and amp there for a sleepover last night.  My nephew and him are only a month apart in age. He has an electric guitar too.  My poor sister god love her, hope she had some ear plugs last night lol.
      So you and Dames are the same age?  You are turning 40 this year as well are you not?  I am too.  Can’t believe it. Have a great party next week.  I still feel like I’m 18 mentally I think.  My body feels like it is 80 so I guess it all averages out. 
      My hubby has a boat as well.  I haven’t been able to go with him now for a few years.  It is a small speedboat and you can really feel the bumps sometimes when he goes speeding out across the waves.  I’m still trying to deal with all of the things that my back condition has taken from me.  Not always easy to come up with a list of things it has given me.  But I’m trying.
      I think we may have an early spring here, after an easy winter.  I have been hearing birds singing that only come round in spring.  So for today I am enjoying the bird song and sunshine even though it is freezing cold.  I am still keeping my eye out for a special pin or pendant in the shape of a small bird.  That memory of that day when I freed the trapped bird will stay with me forever.  And you know, I managed to press that rose from my mother’s garden as well and it came out pretty good.  So thanks for the idea of keeping it as a keepsake.
      Sorry for the long ramble, enjoy the rest of your weekend Kathryn.  It’s great that we have set ourselves free to spend this time with our family.
      Take care,
      Laura

    • #22491
      micky
      Participant

      Thanks for the post kathryn, the chat with my friend was a much needed boost. And all the encouraging posts like yours are just what i need, what everyone needs.
      Thanks
      Mickybeneath the ashes fires rage

    • #22492
      p
      Participant

      Hey kathryn
      Enjoy your diet free day!  Was laughing about that i can just visualize a whole trolley full of chocolate and bickies haha.  Good on you for your efforts with your diet not to mention your non gambling days.  How wonderful is it, you are a great support!  Hope you are having a good day.
      P

    • #22493
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      P, you are spot on, my trolley was full of everything i hadnt eaten all week, all bad, and boy did i have a sugar hangover that afternoon, so bad i had to go to bed for 3 hours!!! lol.  Lesson learnt, moderation next Sunday!!! I have to date lost 2kg, so its a start and im pretty happy with the outcome so far.
      So, this weekend is Damians birthday, actually his birthday is on Friday and he’s 40! (cue dramatic music please…)
      We are having a party.  Now, ive been asking him for months if i could throw him a party, and every question was given a resounding NO BLOODY WAY!!!  In that tone, yelling quite loudly.
      His brother got in his ear and presto…we are having the party.  I found out last week.  I have been scrambling this week to try to find some people to fill my shifts at work as im supposed to be working all weekend.  I have the party on Saturday, and there is no way i could work on Sunday…hangover for sure!  So luckily 2 lovely ladies have jumped in to do it for me, bless them.  Its mainly family and a few friends and it should be fun as soon as i get organised and breathe out.  I have to make sure there is enough food, i have to decide what food (that would be a better start) and then we have to clean out the shed and make it look at least a bit presentable.  Im annoyed that he decided so late, i could have been much more organised but im sure when everyone is full of booze they wont care.
      I took the boys to Fairy Park on the weekend.  That hill was huge and i could barely walk on Sunday.  That, i have decided is my last visit there, the boys are really too big now.
      Brea passed her hazzard test today, which was great but she has decided that she doesnt want to go for her licence at the end of the month, she doesnt feel ready so guess who will be driving her to Uni???  Yay (not)
      So, thats about all from me, i think its more than enough.  It has been so hot here, revoltingly hot and i am hoping we get a cool change tonight, unfortunately the weather man cant quite decide whats going to happen.  Isnt technology amazing???
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22494
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      How fun!  A party!  Love it.  They are always so much work but as everyone (including the birthday boy! ) is having a great time, it is so rewarding.  When I was married, I would always throw big old BBQs and get togethers.  I’d cook for days before it and loved it when everyone was having a good time.  Good luck with Brea’s driving.  For me, always scarry when they start.  Actually, my kids really didn’t enjoy me driving with them when they were learning ’cause I always got nervous.  Once the oldest drove fairly well, it was time for the next one so I let them ride with each other.  They did fine.  Probably not smart as a mother, but, it was so much better for my nerves!
      Have a great time at the party.  I’m glad for you that your co-workers were so willing to cover your shifts!  Take care and have a great day!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! If life’s not always fair, just remember, it may just be life!Have a great day! – DD

    • #22495
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      Well, today ive been cleaning like a crazy woman in preparation for the party on Sat. night.  Ive had Brea doing heaps too and although it will be low key, all the ‘outlaws’ will be here so i want a nice clean abode!
      Today i have not gambled for 8 months, and although it is just another day that i dont gamble, im giving myself a minute to drink that in. I do feel like im making headway on this road.  Thanks to all of you for walking it with me, supporting me, cheering me up, making me laugh. Im proud to be a part of GT, and to have all of you, goodness, its starting to sound like an oscar speech…well, i am a drama queen!!!
      Take care all and have a lovely day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22496
      Anonymous
      Guest

      May I be the first to say congratu-BLOODY-lations!!!  Eight months is a serious amount of time.  Last week, our counsellor said people were only solidly in recovery after six months. So you’re my freakin’ hero, my friend. 
      You must be exhausted.  I will be following in your footsteps tomorrow, after my group and meditation.  Lotsa cleaning to do.  My sister is arriving from overseas and will be staying with us for two weeks or more (I’m pretty sure it will be more).  My bedroom is a disgusting shambles.  I always leave it to last and then it just gets a "lick-and-a-promise", as my Mum would say, lol!!!  But tomorrow will be the day.
      This weekend, we’ll be driving two hours out West to see my other sister.  We’ll stay over at her home on Saturday night and then return on Sunday.  Monday is Family Day, so civic holiday for all of us. We’ll have a great time at my sister’s … she’s a great cook.  Plans are to visit a Mennonite market and buy all the lovely fresh fruit, veggies, homemade pies and perhaps some beautiful handmade thing or another.  (Of course, the Lego factory outlet just HAPPENS to be close by, so we’ll go there too!!)
      I’m sure you’ll have a glorious time on the weekend.  Eat, drink and dance merrily in the rain, my friend.  Best birthday wishes to Dames.
      Love,
      RG– 11/02/2010 4:30:19 AM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #22497
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      A great big wohooooooooooo!!!! for your 8 month anniversary.  You are doing a great job dealing with the addiction and enjoying the present.  When you are celebrating Dames birthday this weekend, please picture me raising a glass to you in celebration of your gambling sobriety anniversary.  Wish we could be there to mark the occassion with you, but know that we are doing it in our hearts.  Have an awesome weekend.
      Laura

    • #22498
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Great job on 8 months.  Awesome!!!!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! If life’s not always fair, just remember, it may just be life!Have a great day! – DD

    • #22499
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Congratulations on your 8 months How fantastic is that, you should be so proud of you not only for what you have accomplished but also in helping others too.  I know you have helped me a great deal and i will always be thankful to you.  I also raise my glass to you well right now my coffee cup but i will think of you if i have a glass of wine in the next few days.  What an amazing gift to yourself to set yourself free from the gambling demon.  All the best to Dames for the party!  Im sure it will be a hoot
      Congrats Kathryn, think you should do something nice for you to celebrate!
      P

    • #22500
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Right, its 1pm, the party starts at 4ish.  I have to clean up this house, i have to have a shower and get ready, i have to get the food organised…i am having a crisis!!!  Im not good under pressure, team that with a grumpy husband who doesnt want a party, plus me running around like a chook with its head cut off, im not having any fun at all!!!
      I had to stop for a minute and take a breath, Jode is coming at 3 to help me (god bless her)  The problem is, that it started off as a little family get together, and now that the word has spread it is a full blown bash. Have i got enough food, or toilet paper for that matter?  I suppose theres always tissues, i do have a spare box..lol.
      Okay, that said i will now log off and get organised.  Thanks for the ear, i know ill be ready and if im not, as long as i have enough vodka and ice ill be fine, the rest will just have to work itself out. There are definitely no gambling thoughts going around in my head, i have too much other stuff going on in there.  If that husband of mine had just let me throw him a party when i asked him months ago, i would not be feeling like this.  Yes, im passing the blame, its all his fault, and he has the gall to be mopey!
      Right, im really going now, notice how im stalling??? Have a great day everyone.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22501
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn  (Feb 10, 2010)

      … Today i have not gambled for 8 months, and although it is just another day that i dont gamble, im giving myself a minute to drink that in. …
      Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

      Good evening Kathryn,
      I was just reading some back post and realize that I missed your 8th Month Milestone. A great accomplishment for a great lady. Thanks for sharing your "gambling free" life with us, your post lets me, and the others here, know that there is better way of living ahead of us.
       Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

    • #22502
      salina
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Salina here. 8 Months!!! Yahoo wow and all that good stuff. I am wondering how you have gotten this far and wish someday I will be posting about my 8 month mark.
      I hope you take yourself out and do something really special as you so so derserve.  Maybe I will talk at ya in group this week.  I am doing better and am staying positive with all your help and others here.
      Keep up the great attitude you know it is contagious!this to shall pass

    • #22503
      vera
      Participant

      Congrats on your 8 month milestone Kathryn. ( And to Dames for not gambling either and on his milestone birthday!) Wasn’t it worth all the effort? I hope that party got off the ground. I couldn’t cope with that type of disorganisation either! It provides exciting reading, but the reality is nerve wracking! And I know how much you like to know what’s happening so that you can have some control Kathryn! Ah! well, by the time you read this, you’ll be recovering from the big bash and hubby will be all soppy and sentimental! Eight months is a long time to abstain from gambling. My tongue is hanging out because I’m panting, trying to catch up on you!all the sevens

    • #22504
      meglee
      Participant

      Hey party girl!
      Hows the head today? were you dancing on the tables?! I hope so chook.
      I was gonna say how sorry i am that i missed your 8 month milestone…. but I’m not too sad about it – coz i just know there will be SO MANY MORE! Woohoo to you!
      So how did Dames cope with turning the big 4-0? There are so many of us on here turning 40 this year eh. When’s yours again? Mine is april. Currently attempting to plan a combined 40th/70th party with my dad. He and I keep working out the details….and then my mum pokes her nose in. Then she tells me Dad doesn’t really want a fuss and is just going along with whatever i say, coz i’m his girl and he wants me to have a great party. And she keeps mentioning how much its gonna cost (i’m paying half). Dad and I are both good organisers and we work well together, so i’m sure it will be fine (if she ever butts out haha – god i love her….but she just never stops worrying). I desperately want to hire a DJ (rather than stereo or jukebox) but i know she’ll go into orbit about the cost of that ontop of catering LOL. Families eh.
      Cant wait to hear about your night! (and i hope theres still plenty around to help with the clean-up!!)
      Love and light
      Meg xxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22505
      time flies
      Participant

      Kathryn, many congrats on 8 months, that’s really fantastic. Hope you enjoyed your party too.
      I love the title of your thread – "Believe". That’s what we all need to do.
      Best wishes, Tony.
       "Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness".

    • #22506
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sooooooo how was the party???  Ok – so it’s a country song, but, "Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine, I like to drink you with a little salt and lime, Then I kiss all the cowboys, then I shoot out the lights, Then I dance on the bar, then I start up a fight"  I always think of that song with a good party going on!  Hope you had a great time and that you take some time for yourself after you get it all cleaned up.  Take care and I hope you had a great time!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! If life’s not always fair, just remember, it may just be life!Have a great day! – DD

    • #22507
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well im finally out of my coma and able to write. The party went off without a hitch, it was a great night and the only injuries were sustained by me….huge bruise on my left knee and i think i have broken my little pinkie toe, i ran outside in the dark and hit a pile of wood.  I didnt fall though, but i was close. Im sure the fellas standing round the fire laughed their a$$es off, i know i would have, but i was in too much pain.  I have been hobbling around all day, well, when i have managed to drag myself out of bed.  I think i need Velvets Zimmer frame!!!
      I did have enough food, and toilet paper thankfully!  Dames had a good time, it was the same old thing, men standing around the fire, women in the shed eating and dancing!  It wasnt as big as i had anticipated, which was good, there were about 50 there, a nice little gathering.
      I cant write much else as i have been playing the dying swan all day.  Now its time for a good feed i think, i am on my free day and havent eaten anything, what a waste…oh well, he’s only 40 once!
      Hope you all had a great weekend, take care, bye for now,
      Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22508
      female g
      Participant

      glad to see you are enjoying life and sounds like you had fun.  I remember My husbands 40th. I had a big crowd and made him purple rains after 4 very large cocktails he ended up missing the belly dancer and had a nice nap on the gravel between two houses.  She cost me over 300. and I was so annoyed that i let sleep outside a few hrs before bringing him back into the house.  Your right it never changes the boys with boys and the same goes for the ladies Its weird isn’t it.G

    • #22509
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Glad to hear that party went well.  I hope you at least get to eat on your free day!!!  Im starting a health kick when i get home!  boy do i need it hehe.  I am ready to start though, i have to get to that point and go right this is it i am beginning.  I had to laugh at you running into that wood not in a nasty way in a funny way i had a visual of you flying out the door maybe with a few vodkas under your belt hehe. 
      Just popping in to say hi and looking forward to hearing the next exciting episode of Kathryns world!!
      P

    • #22510
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      cookies were definitely delicious.  My youngest son has been baking several times a week and my waist line has started to really notice, or should I say lack of waistline lol. 
      You still seeing results with that eating plan?  I may need it sooner rather than later.  I’d have to get my son to save his baking for my free day.
      I’ve lucked out, storm day today.  We are all home snuggled in the house while the snow keeps piling up.  Hope things are going well and you are finally recovered.  Takes me a good week to get over a party now.  Thanks for popping by.
      Take care,
      Laura

    • #22511
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      No post for a few days?? What the??  You must be out enjoying life the life that you have done so well to recreate.  Isnt it fantastic how far you have come from where you were.  Your world is now so full of things its just a wonder to read it all.  Are you still recovering after that party?  Hows the diet, boy do i need to go on one now haah.  Have had major urges that i dont understand but still going strong.  Cant wait to see another post kathryn i never know whats going to be happening next.  Hope to see you one time in group soon
      p

    • #22512
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Laura, thanks for your post, yes im still on the eating plan, but i did cheat on the weekend as my free day was wasted, i didnt eat anything so i had a free day on Monday.  I am seeing results in my middle area though, it is definitely coming down in size!
      Ive been working the last 2 nights and Tues. was very hectic. Last night was much better. Today i have to take Brea into town for a driving lesson, and this afternoon i have a doctors appointment, you know, all that lovely girly stuff.  Its time for a good check up.
      I have 4 days off now, so i will be doing as little as possible.  This time next week Brea is going for her driving test.  Just thinking about it gives me butterflies.  She knows it, its just remembering it all on the day.  I need everyones vibes that day!
      Thats about it from me, take care everyone, bye for now,Kathryn xx Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22513
      p
      Participant

      Yey you are back posting at the same time woohooo hello!  I get so excited still when i see the posts come up.  Hope you have a great time off this week.  I will send some vibes for Brea, you are a good mum!
      P

    • #22514
      vera
      Participant

      good luck to Brea in her driving test! She seems like a girl who comes up trumps in everything she does! “hope she never tries the slots……..my son is ignoring me!!!.. Heard on the grapevine he has moved house. I cannot understand his selfishness!..I’m on nights this week (7,12 hour shifts) but did a swap with someone so I’m reading!…

    • #22515
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well today i let my guard down, and i didnt realise i had done it until i got on the helpline.  Hmmm, am i testing myself, maybe in my subconsious i am, maybe that little voice just said, its ok, you can go. No, i didnt gamble, but i went out for lunch at one of my very favourite venues.  Favourite because it is open really late and i used to gamble close to home and then go in there because i knew id have a few more hours.
      So, what does it all mean?  It means that i have to be extra vigilant, that i have to pull my finger out of my a$$ and stay the hell away from there, no matter how good the lunch menu is!!
      I cant say that i thought about it at all during our lunch, maybe i got cocky.  But in hindsight, it could be the beginning of the end.  And it is the end, of ever going to a venue for any reason whatsoever.  Im not going back, thats all there is to it, my life is too good now to let anything, no matter how insignificant i think it is, get in the way of my recovery.
      Ive just had a long, lovely shower and im sitting here on this very warm night, smelling the air and listening to the crickets singing.  I have one more week of work and then we are going on a little holiday, just for a week, but where we go is so beautiful, so full of oxygen that i always feel totally rejuvinated when i get home.  My mum and sister are coming too, which only makes it better.  My sister and i sit up and watch old movies in bed, eating icecream…hmmm, i dont know that my diet will allow for that.  Speaking of, as of today i have lost 4kg.  I am thrilled and although i have cheated just a tiny bit, the fact that the weight is still coming off is great.  Once i get to my goal, about another 5kg i think, i will need to start the toning part…oh what fun.
      anyway, ive rambled a bit tonight, you all have a great weekend.
      Take care, bye for now, kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22516
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      was good to see you in group this morning/tonight.  You sound very upbeat which is great to hear.  The weight loss is awesome but the fact that you are protecting your gambling sobriety is even better!  You’ve come a long way girl and you are right, the food isn’t worth the risk.  Have a great weekend.  I will miss you at Ken’s group tonight/tomorrow am for you as I will be at work.  Take care and enjoy your free day!
      Laura

    • #22517
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Ms. K:  Just writing to let you know that I am thinking about you late on this Friday night.  I was very concerned when I read your post.  Remember, the back door, my friend.  Keep it firmly shut and bolted.  Going to the venue was you opening that door just a crack.  Even though you may not have thought about, or attempted, gambling.  Giving yourself permission to be there could be the start of a slide down a very slippery slope.
      Now, I don’t mean to be the voice of doom and gloom, but I do mean to be the voice of reality.  You have done incredibly well until now, but I have noticed a difference in the past two months.  Sort of a melancholy, I think (you can of course tell me to bug off with my meddling and I promise I will take it in the spirit intended).   Perhaps it’s because you’ve been doing a bit of soul-searching … I don’t know.  But there seems to be a flatness that I can’t quite fathom.  Anyway, all defences on alert, dear Kate.  You are making it to that one-year mark and beyond … and no bloody venue meal will top (or topple) that!
      I have much more to chat about, including my incessant bloody desire to buy a scratch ticket, but it will have to wait for later.  Hubby just called and wants me to pick him up from our local pub.
      Will post again soon.  Chin up, Aussie Girl, and keep on the straight and narrow (You have to sing this:  "Straighten up and fly right", LOL)
      Talk soon.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22518
      hoops1970
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn – I am so happy for you celebrating 8 months!  You give all of us hope that we can do it too!  Take care and thank you for being here.  LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    • #22519
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well ive woken up this morning with a new attitude.  Last night i sat here feeling sad and sorry for myself.  Oh the woes of Kathryn!  Well this morning im snapping the hell out of it.  My life is too short for me to be sitting here watching life pass me by.  Yes, im still feeling a little flat, but will i let that stop me…no.  Im going to smile.  I am a very fortunate person.  My family loves me to death, i have the support of people all over the world, i have not gambled for 8 whole months.  I need to stop focusing on the negative, and Alices post made me do that today.  It made me smile.  I have realised that life is not perfect and i need to stop trying to be the perfect everything. 
      Im taking it as it comes.  Im not going to wallow anymore for really, i have nothing to wallow about.  This negative Nellie is turning it around.  I dont have gambling to blame for my woes, im bringing them on myself and its time to see things for what they really are.
      I do though, have one little thing….Damian and i are going to the movies tonight, to see Shutter Island.  I am terrified.  Im sure i wont see a thing as ill have my eyes closed the whole time…lol.  It looks very scary and i havent seen a scary movie since i was a teenager (i loved freddie kruger back then!) So i will hold my breath, and try not to scream in the scary parts, which i tend to do, im a very vocal movie watcher.  I just feel sorry for the other movie goers…
      You all have a wonderful day…I am now going to have a shower and go spend some time with the kids.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22520
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I’m glad to see you are throwing Negative Nellie in the pokie!  Your positive personality still comes through when you might be having some of the blahs.  Your family and husband seem wonderful and you do have people near and far that think you are all that.  I hope you enjoy your movie tonight, eyes closed or not!  Have a great time!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Life’s not fair, but that’s ok.  You can still choose to have a great day! – DD

    • #22521
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hello K:  Let me tell you, you are a much braver soul than I. Shutter Island???  You’d have to drag my cold and rigid body into that theatre.  You  wouldn’t catch me otherwise.  Anyway, hope you survived without too much embarassment.
      Thank you for your lovely post on my thread, and I’m sorry I’ve taken a bit of time to get back to you.  It’s a busy time for me with my sister here (I will explain that relationship another time).  You are absolutely right about my husband being inconsiderate.  He’s being an absolute donkey about my recovery.  But I’ve decided to try and live with it.  That, in itself, worries me. I’m afraid that I’ll leave him to his devices and then carry on with my life and eventually find someone else who will be more considerate.  I really would prefer that things don’t go that way, I value my family greatly, but I’m tired of explaining things to him. 
      I find your dream most interesting.  I’m sure there is all kinds of deep and hidden meaning in it.  I’m certainly no dream expert, but the drowning and then the nakedness, sounds like a triumph over your struggle and then rebirth.  That’s what I imagine when I read it. Or maybe the nakedness is vulnerability, which would make sense with all your recent soul-searching.
      K, the one thing I have learned about mindful living is that life isn’t all smiles and joy.  I’m learning that if we accept and just be with the sad, mad, frustrated and hard times, we grow so much in wisdom and are happier for them.  Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be happy for everyone around you.  Let yourself feel what you must … joyful Kathryn is always there and will be back.  She is just growing wiser. Once again, I’m no expert, but I believe that this is a pivotal part of your recovery.  One in which you are peeling away a thick layer of that protective shell you’ve been carrying around.  I believe it will give you deeper insight into why you gambled and it will help you to make peace with some old demons. 
      Wow … that was so deep, I can’t find my way to the surface, LOL!!  Gotta go … psycho busy day with kids projects today.  We’re incredibly behind on everything.
      Talk soon.
      Lotsa love.
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22522
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I ended up going to Shutter Island last night too.  My friends called and had picked the movie.  Hmmmm…not letting them pick again!  My friend asked me if I was asleep because I had my eyes closed half of the time.  I told them afterwards, well, it definitely wasn’t "You’ve Got Mail."  Hope you enjoyed the time out and that you are feeling good today!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22523
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      How was the movie? I hope that you are feeling ok.  Im like a rollercoaster on here, one day i am fine the next im like a raving loony.  Im too scared to look back at all my posts they are so all over the place.  Your posts no matter what mood you are in are always a pleasure to read.  We can all see the shining Katherine, so your light has not been shining so brightly lately, but its still a beautiful light, if it was bright all the time it would run out of brightness.  Whether your moods are shiny or dull that piece of Kathryn that is caring and strong still manages to shine through no matter what.  You have shed many rays of sunshine my way and usually just at the right time!
      Ps i think ive gone a bit far with this cleaning frenzy, the entire contents of my cupboards and drawers are now covering the entire floor.  Oh boy do i have some work to do haha.
      P

    • #22524
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn in reply to "What are you thankful for today?"

      I am thankful xxx

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Like you, I am just thankful.
      Stay strong. Keep aware.Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

    • #22525
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hello, friend of mine!!  Hope Tuesday finds you feeling just as wonderful as yesterday did.  It’s 10 to 6 p.m. here in Ontario, and outside is dark with snow swirling down from the sky.  The temperature has fallen, so I am quite happy to be ensconced in my cozy office and not out there.  (Isn’t it funny though, how when I was gambling, not even white-out conditions could keep me in the house).
      Anyway, thanks for the graphic image of your "accident" yesterday.  I had all kinds of nasty visions of you hitting some poor soul in the face with a soiled diaper or a cloth covered in other bodily fluids.  I really needed that visual!!!! 
      I have an interview with a head hunter tomorrow.  I have ABSOLUTELY nothing to wear.  I’m going to have to SQUEEEEEEEZZZZZE into some unfortunately pants and jacket and try to look as professional as possible.  I was hoping to get to the hairdresser for a bit of a trim, but alas, that was not meant to be.  I’m not worried about interviews … I love them … and usually end up interviewing the interviewer, lol!!
      Well, gotta go and make some pork chops with apple sauce for dinner.  Make some baked potatoes (although I’m really craving mash, but my boys hate it).
      Talk soon.
      Love,
      RG
      This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22526
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Katie-girl!!  Headhunter appointment has been changed to later in the week, will let you know how it goes.  It does sound rather like one of those scary guys who used to shrink heads and stick them on their spears, doesn’t it?  The modern day version is that these people ensnare unwitting victims and sentence them to lives working in corporations where their heads shrink from utter boredom. (I know, I know, I’m going into this with the wrong attitude!)
      Anyway, very late at night again and I’m supposed to have been in bed hours ago.  Had a very, very serious talk with hubby.  For a moment, he tried to justify his actions, but I would have none of it, so he ended up apologizing.  Said he thought I was "getting better".
      I really do like interviews.  I always go in thinking of it as a lovely conversation with a new friend … sort of an opportunity to get to know someone new.  Try it next time, no need for all the cotton-mouth drama … just relax and enjoy, lol!!
      About the poor girl who got slapped with the bodily fluids, I can only say that I’m glad I’m on the right side of you!!! LOL.  Wouldn’t want to cross you carrying a bedpan!!!
      Stay safe and keep laughing, good friend.
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22527
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i had a good day today.  I took Brea for her 2 hour driving lesson, dropped her off and thought, what can i do?   8 months ago i would have driven as fast as i could to a venue.  Today i went to Kmart.  I laybyed Harrys birthdays presents, all wrestling stuff (god they are expensive) and threw in a pair of leggings and a cardigan for myself to boot.  Then i went and had a lovely cappachino in a little coffee shop. 
      It was really lovely, i wandered around for an hour, hardly spent any money and had a great time.  It was satisfying.  I cant remember ever saying that when i was gambling, it was always, well, there goes $50.  Insane.
      Not long now till my week away, and i am really looking forward to it.  To do nothing but relax. To spend some time with my sis and my mum.  To sit around the fire and roast marshmallows (well, ill only have a couple!!!)
      It was nice just to be with myself, even if it was only for a couple of hours.  Im feeling pretty content as i sit here now, i do have to go and start getting dinner ready.  Brea had taken over my kitchen to make a practise cake for my father in laws birthday………its in November!!! LOL.  Talk about being organised!!!
      Take care everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22528
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I have posted and posted today, and it feels fantastic.  Im not looking at a thread and coming up with a blank, the words have been flowing out of me like nothing on earth, its like i have had my mouth taped up for months and someone has come and ripped it off…lol.
      I dont know why, and i dont care, im just taking this day for what it is…a wonderful day.  I feel free and light and so happy.  It may be one out of the box, but it feels amazing to just be able to type.  I just hope i made some sense..lol.
      Take care, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22529
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      it was good to see you in group this morning/evening, I always have to do that mental adding on of 16 hours lol.  I am so excited about the open group chat on the weekend.  It will be so good to be able to connect with everyone.  I miss so many of the group chats during the week due to work.
      I’m glad you had a great day.  I find myself acting a bit like a ping pong ball, good mood, bad mood, sad mood, no mood.  I think the blank feelings somehow are the worst.  But i continue to learn and grow here, and someday hope to come to full bloom. 
      Know that you are loved whichever mood you are in.  Don’t ever feel like you need to be "on" all the time.  You too after all are in recovery.  Just like the rest of us.  It is great that we support each other, but as Harry reminded me, we need to take care of ourselves first.
      May your dreams be peaceful.
      Laura

    • #22530
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      It was great seeing you in group yesterday.  You always "keep it real" and give me quite a laugh.  You have an excellent sense of humor and are always so helpful to others!  You see the need and "go in for the kill" in regards to the support people need.  Sounds like you had a great day.  You are doing great! I’m hoping Thursday goes great for Brea!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22531
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Hey K,
      its nice to read a ‘normal’ and every day post. I actually watch other people ( stalker Al) and think, geeee, wouldn’t it be nice to go out with family and friends etc, or even a coffee!!! and to feel at peace.
      I feel good today after our chat yesterday and today I will not gamble!
      I cant control my gambling and I am not going to try, I surrender
      Al
      ps… good to see you are keeping well Gran
       Players do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #22532
      p
      Participant

      Hi Katherine
      You sound great.  Isnt it funny how walking round the shops and having a coffee are so satisfying to us now.  In some ways i can see how us being CG’s has actually enriched ourlives for the better in some ways.  Maybe we would never appreciate these small moments so much if we hadnt been down that road.  Glad to hear you are happy now but never worry if you are not, im like a see saw.  My moods change all the time but whatever they are im so glad to be in this non gambling world than before.  Look forward to seeing you on chat maybe? 
      P

    • #22533
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Ok – I just read Al’s post to you.  Since I was at group when the conversation came up, I do have to help you out here a little.  DD’s the Gran, not Kathryn.  Just wanted to set the record straight.  You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22534
      kathryn
      Participant

      LOL Dd,
      Al likes to let me know how much older i am than him.  I am not planning on being a granny for a long time!
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22535
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      LOL – Well, it looks like you all have some cyber-teasing going on!  What fun!  Have a great one!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22536
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ok, i need your collective good vibes in about 4 hours, send them all to my daughter who will be going for that licence!  I am dropping her in and then coming home for a little while before i go to the licence place to see if she has passed.  I actually feel physically ill for her, imagine how she is feeling?  I think im more worried about if she doesnt pass, she will be a mess.  She is a very high achiever.
      So this is my day, worrying about something i have no control over….lol, you think i would have learned by now!
      Mind you, she had a great lesson yesterday, and then we nearly had a head on collision on the way home, i was screaming!  She didnt see the other car…sheesh. 
      Anyway, i had better go, take care all,
      bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22537
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Good luck Brea!  Will be sending those good thoughts to her in 4 hours, going for your license is such an exciting but nerve wracking experience isnt it, i remember i was terrified.  I was so terrified i went through a round a bout the wrong way round, tell me how someone can do that?  haha. 
      Today is a day of yet more cleaning for me there is still stuff all over this floor to be sorted. 
       P – living and learning

    • #22538
      vera
      Participant

      Any result of Brea’s driving test? Can’t calculate this time difference. My daughter is in Sydney. Nine hours ahead there. Don’t know about Melbourne!all the sevens

    • #22539
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Vera,
      If you are still here,she is going for it right now, i think we are 10 hours in front… i am just about to leave, ive gone beserk on the house so at least thats clean.  I have saved the bathroom, if she doesnt get it i can go hide in there!!!
      Ill let you know as soon as i can…Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22540
      vera
      Participant

      Fingers crossed! Eyes raised to Heaven! …….she deserves to pass!

    • #22541
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Good Vibes, Good Vibes, Good Vibes for Brea!!!!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22542
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, its over!  She got her licence…WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!! Vera, thanks for the prayers, Dd, thanks for the vibes, and P, thanks for the well wishes and the bloody good laugh.
      She has just driven off on her maiden voyage, i lectured her all the way home about being safe, watching for other cars and all that mother stuff we say.  When we got home we had the ceremonial turning around of the plates from L (learner) to P (probationary), it was hysterical.   I also cleaned all her windows!! I can remember the feeling of the first time i drove on my own, it was almost surreal.  Im that bloody proud of her, not to mention relieved that i wont be driving her to Uni…lol.
      So, i am having a great day, now, its time for that bathroom…
      Take care bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22543
      vera
      Participant

      a sinners prayers are always heard K! I”m THRILLED for Brea and wish her many years of safe and happy motoring!!! She’s one great girl!all the sevens

    • #22544
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ola Chiquita:  Well, it’s 1:39 a.m. and I have JUST finished cleaning the living daylights out of my house.  It is shining like a new pin.  The reason:  I’m having and appraiser in tomorrow.  I have to get a line of credit.  Things are that bad that we won’t have next month’s mortgage if we don’t get it.  Ah well, this too shall pass …
      My interview is for Friday … bloody headhunter.  Anyway, I was supposed to have a second but the woman hasn’t called me to make the arrangement so, I guess we’re looking at next week.  Hmmmm ….
      Your question about what we won.  My question:  What didn’t we win???  Gold, silver and bronze by the bucketful!!!  WE ROCK!!!
      A massive WOOT WOOT to our Brea for her wonderful milestone.  May she safely drive the length and breadth of this earth. She’s gonna go far, that one!!
      Talk soon, my friend, I am exhausted.  Have to be up super-early in the a.m. too.  Baby boy has a ski trip.
      Love,
      RG
       This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22545
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Yippeeeee for Brea!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22546
      p
      Participant

      Hi Katherine
      Congratulations to Brea on her driving test.  I bet she is soooooo excited!  Yey.  P – living and learning

    • #22547
      howanan
      Participant

      Kathryn,  You sound so good.  Life is what you want it to be.  It’s amazing isn’t it.  Gambling certainly wasn’t this fulfilling.  Have a great day……….NancyLearning from the past is useful.  Dwelling on the past is destructive…

    • #22548
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I have been on this forum ALLLLLL night!  I have insomnia so managed to grab the 3am chat and now waiting for the 5am.  Oh i am going loopy with delirium right now but happy i am not gambling.  I cant believe how much better life is getting i am so excited.  How is the diet going for you?  I have started one too, well i say just healthy eating, next step is to up the exercise a bit for me, some of the others here have been exercising and its inspiring me and you have inspired me with your diet.  4 kilos is amazing!  yey.  Hey i bet you are so proud of Brea, you sound like such a good mum.  Thanks for helping me be gamble free Kathryn .  Im just having a cuppa and going to another group session.  See you soon
       P – living and learning

    • #22549
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      a quick wohoooooo for Brea (and you of course!) before I head off to work.  Hope to catch you this weekend.  Take care and thanks for the wonderful posts.
      Laura

    • #22550
      time flies
      Participant

      Kathryn, that’s great news. Hope you’re well. x

    • #22551
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive been thinking about Brea getting her licence, and i have come to a realization.  Not only am i happy that she has it, but i am thrilled that i could pay for it.  When i was gambling the thought of paying out $700 was insane, it just would have never happened because i never had money. So really, you are all to thank for that. You have helped me through so much, helped me every single day and i have been able to do something for her that i would have thought 8 months ago to be impossible.  Nothing is impossible if you just believe. (oh, and have a great support system!!!)
      Take care, cant wait for the group chat line to open, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
       Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22552
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      You are right it is so fantastic isnt it, I am beginning to see those changes in my life too.  Its been since the 6 Nov 09 now for me and i wouldnt have done it without the support here either.  You were especially supportive of me when i started you know i appreciate it.  Brea must be over the moon with excitement.  Not only did you have the money for her test but the time too to take her for all those driving lessons.  Good on you Kathryn.  I love this GT world.  See you on the new chat line maybe hey.  P – living and learning

    • #22553
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      This will proboably be my last post for a whole week…well, till Friday anyway. We are off on our little holiday and im really looking forward to it.  Damian has a head cold and is being a &^%$#(*.  He’s dying of course, so im trying to be a little excited on the inside.  My little Harry has been sick too, but i think hes starting to feel better.  My house looks like a bomb has hit it.  I have been working all weekend and have to say i was very dissapointed when i got home.  It was a shambles.  Sigh…..
      Apart from that i had a pretty good weekend at work, no huge dramas to speak of which always is a blessing.  Im feeling pretty tired though, i feel like i walk a hundred miles every day when im working there, thankfully its only 2 out of 14 days.  Its like a bit of a rabbit warren.
      Well, i have to go and do some packing, im really going to miss the forum this week, but i will also enjoy my time away, just to relax and unwind (although if Dames is still sick…..hmmm)
      Take care everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22554
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      sorry I missed you this weekend in the chat room, but fingers crossed there will be lots more times to enjoy that in the future.  I can relate to the sick hubby, mine has a huge head cold too, and of course no one is ever as sick as they are in the history of the world.  He also quit smoking a little over a week ago which is huge for him.  So cranky isn’t the word. 
      Enjoy your trip, did I see somewhere something about a spa?  If so I am very very jealous.  Have an awesome time Kathryn.  You deserve every second of it.  You’ve come a long way and deserve to reap some rewards.
      The house will wait until you come back, no fear of the cleaning fairies coming while you are away lol.  Sometimes we just have to learn to let the small stuff go.  So go and have a great time!!!  We will all miss you while you are away.
      Take care,
      Laura

    • #22555
      vera
      Participant

      Enjoy your holiday Kathryn. Hopefully the cold will clear up with a few hot whiskeys. Irish , of course! See you soon!all the sevens

    • #22556
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Enjoy your time away!  You really really deserve this holiday.  Soak up every second of it, hope all the colds get better too, my boy also has one at the moment!  My computer died so i have been beside myself it crashed just before the weekend chat thing, was sooooooo annoyed.  Look forward to seeing you on here again soon and wishing you all the best on your break
       P – living and learning

    • #22557
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, i am back!! I had a wonderful week away, relaxing, spa’ing, doing not much at all….bliss!
      The weather was magnificent, the smell of the air up there is so different, i really drank it in.  I feel ive been away for a month which is really good, this place does that to me every single year, even when i was gambling.  Yes, there are venues there which i could have gone to, but it didnt enter my head i was so busy enjoying my relaxing time.  The kids were amazing, not 1 fight, bless them!
      I have come home to my other sister and her daughter and my beautiful 3 a half month old great nephew who have come down from Darwin for a few days. The baby is beautiful, i nearly ate him alive!!! And before anyone says anything….NO,  i am not going back for more!!! lol
      So i will try to catch up with everyone, bear with me, im not sure how much time i will have with my sis and all, but i will get there.  I see there are a few new people here too, i will get around to reading their stories too.
      I missed GT, but absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say and im really happy to be back.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22558
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      good to hear that you had a great time.  Every woman deserves a pampering now and again.  Should be part of our life contract lol. 
      Life really has changed hasn’t it.  You were probably able to relax on a much deeper level while you were away this time.  None of the false excitement and stress of gambling while you were there.  No waiting to return home to your familiar venue where maybe you could recoup some losses.  No iritation that your other sister was standing in the way of your alone time at the venue.  Instead enjoying your time with her and her family.
      We are living more in the moment and enjoying the moment we are in. 
      Glad to have you back!  See you tonight maybe.  If not, take care and enjoy your family time.
      Laura
       

    • #22559
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn

       
      Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.
      Good morning Kathryn, good to see that you are back safe and sound; in more ways the one.
      Also good to see that you were able to live up to the expectations of your closing lines, being the person that you are.Larry"Day Two Is Still Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not face another Day 2.

    • #22560
      howanan
      Participant

      Glad to have you back.  And of course I am happy you had a wonderful, blissful holiday.. Nancy

    • #22561
      Anonymous
      Guest

      WELCOME BACK, MY FRIEND!!!!  I’m so happy to see that you’ve had a marvellous time and kept on the straight and narrow. How wonderful that you’ve managed to stay away from the venues, even on your vacation, where you guard could have been down.  I’m a bit afraid of what may happen if I take a vacation anywhere near casinos, but I’m trying to change my mindset on that.
      Anyway, I apologize for being born while you were away, I won’t do it again!! LOL. Things are going fine on this side.  The interview on Wednesday went very well … I’m supposed to hear next Monday or Tuesday.  I very boldly told them that I wanted the top of the range they were offering … so let’s see.  (You’d never say I was skating on thin financial ice!!! hee hee!!)
      I have to keep things a bit short for now.  Have to take the big sis out to some appointments.  Weather is absolutely phenomenal in the T-dot (that’s the cool way of saying Toronto).  Sunny and a whole big fat ten degrees … "celebrate good times come on!!!"  
      Talk soon, lovely Aussie Girl.
      Love, 
      RG This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22562
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      So glad to see you are back!  Great to hear of your holiday and relaxation time.  When i read you were going i kind of breathed a sigh of relief for you, i really felt like you needed it you are always so busy.  Of course we all missed your posts though but new you were having a great time.  Might see you on group soon hey.
       P – living and learning

    • #22563
      ddsroad
      Participant

      You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22564
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well ive had a really good weekend, my sister left this morning, im not sure when ill see her again, but we did make the most of it.  I spent this morning (after chat) cleaning my poor house.  It survived and i got all the kids helping which was great. 
      Last night i went to my high school dinner/drinks.  My girlfriend met me there and we went in to find….no one!  So we had a wine (i only had the 1, for courage) and we had dinner on our own.  Turns out the dinner was cancelled.  Anyway there were about 40 people who turned up for the drinks part which was great and a few i hadnt seen at our last reunion 2 years ago. My first boyfriend wasnt there, i found out that he had joined a bikie gang, divorced his wife and had gone into hiding because a rival gang was after him!  I was blown away.  They have 4 children so its a pretty sad story. It was much more detailed that that, like something you see on the movies.  Anyway, i had a great time catching up.  There was 1 thing though.  Once when i had decided for the 400th time i was stopping gambling i had called a counselling place.  I spoke to a girl who, turns out i went to school with.  I told her about my gambling but i never pursued the counselling, i think i went to 3 sessions.  Anyway, she was there last night and i felt like she was looking at me the whole time and it made me quite uncomfortable.  Now, you all know im not ashamed of my addiction , i have in fact embraced it for what it is and what it has made me, good and bad.  But, it was wierd and i found myself moving away from her every time she came near me.  She is a lovely person and i didnt really think about it until this morning, so in fact i feel pretty bad.  I guess in the terms of ‘high school’ i didnt want them to know i wasnt that perfect girl i was when i was 17.  (well, i thought i was pretty good…lol)
      I know she would not have said anything, its confidential, but it has played on my mind this morning.  Anyway, apart from that it was a great night.  Ive actually had a wonderful week, so hopefully this feeling will carry on.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22565
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Katie-girl!!  Thanks for the post and continued encouragement.  I’m a long way away from a vacation, but will take heed of your advice for when the time comes.
      Sounds like you had fun with your school mates.  Wild story about the old boyfriend.  I will post to you again tomorrow … am simply exhausted right now.  Looked for you on chat … spoke with Salina for quite a while.
      Hope your Sunday is FABULOUS!!!
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22566
      salina
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Thanks for being there for me last night. I really am quite the mess but after talkin with you and rg i felt quite a bit better. So that is why I know I need to keep coming here as much as I can. It is all I got right now to help me through.
      I read your post about your night out with the school mates. Sounded fun, and I really could relate to the feeling like she was staring at you cause she knows your a cg.
      That is an uncomfortable feeling.
      I will be on chat today in and out all day. Staying home today and trying to just count my blessings and do my chores.
      Maybe i’ll see you theressssdddddddddddddddddfgkl.;/[p/  yikes my cat is trying to type  lol talk to ya later kathrynthis to shall pass

    • #22567
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      The last 2 days has seen us have the worst storms for quite a few years.  We had a storm last night that lasted for an hour with massive lighning and thunder, and although it was fantastic, we lost power. Right in the middle of cooking dinner.  Thankfully we have gas, so we ended up eating by candlelight, playing games and having a very early night. 
      I was dissapointed i couldnt log on to the chat room.  Of course, no power = no internet, grrrr.  So i was there in spirit!!! Salina, sorry i couldnt come back, but im so pleased you are feeling better.  RG, hopefully ill catch you during the week.
      Anyway, you dont realise how much you miss electricity until you dont have it!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22568
      Anonymous
      Guest

       
      Hiya K: Starting posting to you and got wiped out, so now I’ve wised up and am writing it in Word. Interesting, isn’t it, how dependent we are on modern technology. Several  years ago, the entire eastern seaboard of North America lost power for between two and four days. Now that was an education, let me tell you.  It was great though … communities came together in ways it doesn’t during normal times. People offered to help fix breakfast for their neighbours, other’s shared extra candles, everyone was just so much more compassionate and helpful. We spent evenings lying on our driveway with the kids looking up at the stars. I have never seen the stars so bright. You won’t believe the experience. It was like going back to the 1600s. There was simply no light from any neighbouring cities or towns … it was as black as I’ve ever seen it in my life.  After two days though, the novelty had worn out and I was desperate for atms, tv, microwaves, fridges, electrical lights … it was so strange. 
      Anyway, how did I get onto that rant. I keep missing you on the chat. I’ll keep looking to see if you’re around, but it will be beddy-byes soon. If I don’t speak to you, have a wonderful week and enjoying the late days of your summer.
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22569
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Looks like an interesting time at the highschool get together.  They can be fun.  The last one I went to was very fun. It reminds me of a story I thought you might like.  Saw a guy there that I went to grade school with.  A friend of mine and I both "liked him" in the 3rd grade.  He said, I didn’t know what to do when you both gave me valentines day cards.  I said, well, if you remember, you told me that you’d like me if I lost weight (I was a little chubbers in grade school).  He said, really, I said that.  I told him, yes, you did and I spent years in therapy because of it.  If you could have seen his face, ghost white.  I then burst out laughing and said, no, it’s ok, I didn’t end up in therapy!  Funny, funny stuff on so many different levels! 
      Glad that the power is back on.  I hope you have a great week!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22570
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Nice to see you on chat even though very briefly.  That is a bizarre story about the ex but i bet you are kind of glad now you didnt end up with him hehe.  The storms have been bad here too, so much flooding.  Thunder and lightning my poor cat hides flat under the bed when there is thunder he really freaks out, sometimes i do, it was so loud the other night the house seemed to shake.  Anyway nice to see you and look forward to your posts.
       P – living and learning

    • #22571
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi K
      I wonder if she was looking at you and thinking you looked pretty cool.  
      Far more likely I think is that she did see the ‘perfect’ girl that you were when you were 17 and wanted to get closer to discover your secret.  
      Re-read your quote – I just have xx
      Love as Always
      V xxxxx
       

    • #22572
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you RG, Dd, P and Velvet for your posts.
      Now, i have a smell. LOL. There is a smell in my house and i cant find the cause of it.  I think it smells like vomit, Brea thinks it smells like Parmesan cheese, and Damian thinks it smells like feet.  LOL.  I cant stop laughing as I’m writing this.  But, it is horrible.  I believe it is coming from under the house, and the smell is wafting up through the decking in the back room and floating into the kitchen (at first i thought it was the bin, which has been washed and disinfected)
      I’m wondering if there is something dead under there, i have been peering through the gaps in the decking but i cant see anything, i have gone outside and peered under the house…nothing.  I have been watching the crime channel way too much and I’m imagining looking under there and a hand is sticking up from under the dirt..LOL. I have mopped everything, i have oil burning but that smell is stuck in my nose…ewwwww.
      My nose is way too sensitive, being a nurse has taught me that.  I’m wondering with the recent rain, and lots of it if something has gone off under the house, oh i dont know but it is revolting.
      OK, enough about smells…last night work was absolutely mental and i was exhausted when i came home.  My residents were yelling, screaming, crying, fighting, you name it, it happened.  I often wonder what causes this, its almost like a snowball effect.  But…they all took their medication so that made life easier on the paperwork.  I have today off, i am cooking a roast beef for dinner.  Brea had her 2nd day at Uni, she had to leave really early and left the lights on in her car when she got there.  She had to ring roadside assist to jump the battery! lol, i have had a funny day although I’m sure she didn’t think its so funny.
      Well, i hope you have enjoyed my smelly tale, oh, and with the recent storms i heard that my local gambling venue had to close down, it was a long weekend too, packed to capacity.  The roof caved in (no one hurt).  On a normal day i would have been there, the machines would have turned off (power outage) and i would have been furious.  Instead i enjoyed a candlelight dinner with my family!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22573
      charmou
      Participant

      I certainly enjoyed your smelly story…lol
      Glad to hear that you are finding humor in life events…its shows me that even though we are CGs in recovery we can still laugh…thanksCharmaineChange is not hard…my resistance to change is solid rock anyone got a sledge hammer (lol)

    • #22574
      kathryn
      Participant

      Ok, the mystery of the unknown smell has been solved,
      While sniffing around on my decking (literally, on my hands and knees) i came across something on the floor, and when my nose got close i nearly passed out!!!
      Turns out, there was a thermos, that had been full of coffee for 5000 years, and it had been dropped, and a small amount had spilled onto the floor.  It was off coffee!!!  Actually, it was Damians off coffee!!!
      I scrubbed that floor with soap, antibacterial hand wash and disinfectant, and I’m happy to report that we now smell pine fresh in here!!!
      Now you are all able to come to my place for coffee without the fear of wearing a gas mask!!!
      See ya, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22575
      finding_laura
      Participant

      lol K.  Glad the mystery has been solved 🙂
      See we are both on posting.  I missed the group this morning as it was at 5am my time ugh.  Anyway, I have to go get all prettied up, have a job interview this morning.  Take care and have a great evening.
      Laura

    • #22576
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Good news…Brea has scored herself a new job at a international boarding college.  It is for children to come and learn about Australia and improve their english before going on to another school or college to finish their education.  She is really happy as finally she will have some money!!! (thats a bonus for me) Im not sure when she starts, i think it may be next week but she has to go and have a meeting with the boss tomorrow and find out about everything.  Im very proud of her.
      Work has been exhausting.  It is getting busier every day with very demanding residents and im finding myself drained by the end of the shift.  I also havent been able to finish on time which annoys me greatly as im not getting home in time for group.  It doesnt matter how hard i try, i cant get finished by knockoff time. 
      Apart from that, my life is pretty quiet at the moment.  The boys are both back at school tomorrow (Harry had today off) so im looking forward to some quiet time, just me. I havent had a good relax since..well, last week…lol.
      Ok, stay well everyone, and take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22577
      kathryn
      Participant

      Very frustrated right now. I feel like my head is going to blow off.  Its thumping and it is not being made any better by the other person in this house.  Wheres all the money?  Why arent we in a better financial position?  Looking at me with accusing eyes.  Im sick of explaining myself, im sick of being made to feel its all my fault.  I am 9 months gamble free today and i didnt need this crap.  I was feeling wonderful.  Nothing like a dose of reality to send me back down with a thump. Thanks for making me feel like a piece of s**t once again. 
      Thank god im going to Jodies tonight, i cant even look at him.  How about he gets off his money ignoring a**e and do something, how about working with me instead of planning to spend spend spend.  Yes, its all good for him until it affects him.  He wonders why i dont talk to him about it, cause when i do this is how it always ends up.  Why bother. I am totally drained now.  This used to send me running straight back to the casino to make more money (what a joke).  Not today though, this recovery is for me, and no matter what is said, im not going back there.
      Kathryn xxx
      Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.– 11/03/2010 8:07:55 AM: post edited by kathryn.

    • #22578
      noonie
      Participant

      Good for you Katryn, don’t fall into that rut again and star back gambling. I used to head straight for the casino when I argued or disagreed with my husband. It’s only been 8 days for me, but I refused to back-slide this time. We can deal with anger and stress other ways. Go for awalk, leave the room, read, etc. Anthing but GAMBLE!!!! It’s super you’ve been free for 9 months and cheers to your progress. Noonie

    • #22579
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Good on you, tough Aussie girl.  Sometimes men are downright twits, aren’t they?  Does he forget all his little side trips with pals etc.  And after all, you do live in a house, buy food, use electricity … how is he figuring that it’s being paid.  And then there’s the weddings and the gifts and all the wonderful life events you’ve been fully present for … what about the cost of those???? Hmmm … not I’m getting ticked!!
      Anyway … NOTHING can take away your nine months.  I’m following in your tracks with diligence and am inspired by how you keep swatting away the annoying things that would set you off before.
      I’ve just returned from my sister’s where I had to stay overnight.  My poor old Pops is feeling poorly and has to be taken to emergency in the morning.  I’m worried as I think he may have some internal bleeding going on.  I am so on edge right now with everything, if anything happens to my dad, I don’t think I’ll manage.
      Let’s just think good thoughts.
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22580
      salina
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just checkin in. Keep thinkin bout our conversations. I am trying so hard to stay focused. it is tough!
      I will be sure and be in chat this weekend, not planning any other wild adventures…just trying to stay in touch with the person I want to be. 
      Hope all is well with you talk at ya soonthis to shall pass

    • #22581
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Lady:  Checking in again to see how you’re doing.  I looked for you in the Friday night chat (Sat. morning) for you, but no go.  I figure you’re working this weekend again.
      My boys have started March Break this week, so we’re having a sleepover tonight to give it a proper kick off.  To be very honest, it was the last thing I wanted to do.  But now that everything’s been cleaned, the food bought and the kids running and screaming in every direction followed by an enormous, excited, barking dog … I’m glad I decided to do it.
      I didn’t get the job I interviewed for last week.  Chiquita thought I was too senior for the role.  Senior be damned … I was getting ready for the money.  What an insecure, unimaginative, plodding little twit!! (But … I’m not bitter, lol!)  Seriously though, I’m letting it go and just moving forward.  This weekend will be a blitz … I will paper this damned city with my resume … watch out, here I come. 
      Still don’t know what’s going on with my Pops, but hope to soon. Poor old guy!!  I am happy that even though I had a crappy day from hell, I am not gambling.  HEAR ME ROAR!!!  Three months on Sunday. 
      Talk soon, hope all is well.  Will check for you on chat periodically over the weekend.
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22582
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I hope all is well for your pops. Good for you though on your nine months what an accomplishment that is to you.  Funny story about the smell!  What a cack.  Off coffee.  Speaking of which i have been drinking loads of the stuff lately.  Might see you soon
       P – living and learning

    • #22583
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sorry to hear that hubby is being so difficult.  You have done so, so well.  You can feel great about where you are and all of the great things that you’ve done.  Your house, your kids, your work – you’re a rock star and don’t forget it!  I’m with you all the way and hang in there with the great job you’ve been doing.
      BTW – I love the coffee story…That was sooooo funny.  I’ll check back in soon!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22584
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a big weekend at work, and on Saturday night i went to the football with Dames and the kids.  We had to make the trip all the way to Melbourne (huge for us) and i have to say it wasnt that much fun.  We started off with some road rage from Dames, and me hanging onto the dashboard for dear life!  We picked up my sister on the way and the driving settled down a bit which was a bonus for me.
      Then we got lost, they have been doing roadworks at the turnoff we needed, i thought it was quite funny as my sister said she knew how to get there, if you could have seen Damians face, it was a scream but i had to sit there all serious. We finally arrived, front row seats, only to get down there and our whole row was full of people…hmmmm.  So i gave the one eyebrow stare to one group of boys, who hung their heads and moved out, then i realised that there were only 5 empty seats and 6 of us!!! I then proceeded to have a small arguement with a man who insisted that they were his seats, no seat number on his ticket, i promptly moved him along.
      Dames and i had a huge row in the 3rd quarter, we were losing, and ultimately lost the game, (just to top it off) and he wanted to go home.  Well there was no way i was leaving, i told him he was a sore loser, that if we were going to come to the footy week in and week out that we would need 2 cars, so he could go when he was ready, and a seat in a different place to us so i didnt have to listen to his moaning.  He was not impressed.  The funny thing is, we got a few text messages telling us that we had been on the TV.  Im too scared to watch it in case it was when we were having the row…lol.
      So, my weekend was not great, in fact it was pretty awful.  I was so pleased to come onto chat today, i laughed and laughed.  What a lovely way to spend the morning…and quite a bit of the afternoon!!!
      I hope you all had a good weekend, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22585
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sorry to hear about the tough weekend.  I do like the thought of the "eyebrow stare."  I could just see it and have had to use it a time or two myself!  Sounds like you had great seats.  Way to go to move the poachers out of the way!  Cool that you were "movie stars" on the TV.  Well, I hope that things get moving a little more in your favor.  Great job staying gamble free even though times are less than optimal.You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22586
      howanan
      Participant

      Even a bad weekend is better then a gambling headache on Monday.  You were with family and that is always great.  I spent Sunday resting up from the granddaughters.  I love them, but they never sit down.  Whooooo.  Have a great week Kathryn.  I’ll see you on facebook………All is well……..Nancy

    • #22587
      p
      Participant

      Hi there Kathryn
      What a cack! Your stories are so animated sometimes they really make me laugh.  Im glad that you are going well, it is always so good to come on here isnt it, no matter whats going on in life we can always drop in here and vent and read its a great feeling.  See you soon
       P – living and learning

    • #22588
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      first off, no matter what else is going on, or perhaps even more so for the hurts and irritations that life is throwing your way, a great big wohoooooo for 9 months gamble free.  That is a great accomplishment!  You ARE worth the effort of being the true you.  And you have 9 months of laughs, family moments, good times and real life to prove it.  When we used to hide away from the rough patches we also forget to show up for the good times. 
      So I’ll raise a glass K, may the rough days be short and few and far between, and the good days be long and often, and may we enjoy all the days inbetween. 
      I’m sure you’ll have us all in fits of laughter again soon enough as we read your latest adventure.  Skinny jeans, mysterious odors, giant hairy spiders, and somewhere I recall a discussion surrounding spanx, lol. 
      Have a great day Kathryn!
      Laura

    • #22589
      sherry123
      Participant

      Good to hear you have 9 months of not gambling behind you. That is wonderful!  I had to check in and see how you are doing and, aside from an irritable husband now and then, it sounds like things are good. Keep adding those gamble free days.   Sherry

    • #22590
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chook
      Oh my god, I am imagining the smell of that rancid coffee too! (been there done that). Actually I just found a suspect smell in my daughters room tonight and investigated her school bag…… one mouldy (but rock solid) sandwich, half a stinky (and very squishy banana) and an apple core! Ewwwwwww! How does she not notice the smell????
      It is, however marginally better than the time i found rotten broccoli (yes, i mean rotten – as in yellow!) in my sons school bag!!! Hmmmm, unusual you may think, to have brocolli in a 6 year olds school bag… but they were making vegetable animals as a class activity. parents were to send ONE piece of veg along to school…. I, stupidly, sent a potato AND some brocolli (incase he felt extra creative that day haha), and it never ocurred to me that the only creation that came home that day was a potato hedgehog!!!!
      Congrats of course on your 9 months babe!! Hope Dames has ‘pulled his head in’ a bit this week, and has also acknowledged your 9 month milestone (?). I’m sure he has. I know you feel you can never be complacent, but you must remember to jump for joy at your achievements eh!!!
      Much love and light to you my friend
      Meg xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
      P.S. I hope the "eyebrow stare" was not that of a monobrow????????!!!!!!!! (LOL)
       "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22591
      vera
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn…Thanks for your greetings and Happy St Patrick’s Day to you too…..Now to clear up the myths!…No St Patrick didn’t cleanse Ireland of it’s snakes…there never were snakes in Ireland..(only fat cats in casinos)….No not everyone is green…( only the gamblers , who live in denial)…no not all the Irish are heavy drinkers, but those who do partake, suceed in making themselves infamous, world-wide)…St Patrick brought Christianity to Ireland: He banished paganism and used the Old Celtic customs to teach about The Trinity (shamrock was an old pagan symbol which he used to explain this teaching and is worn today as an Irish emblem world-wide)…”The Day” is now a 6 day event marked by parades in all Irish towns, Irish sport (hurling) concerts, Irish dancing , singing etc..a lot of Americans come to join the Irish in our cultural celebration of our National Feast.Of course the pubs flourish on that Day and the usual vandalism hits the headlines. Pilgimages take place to “Slemish”, a mountain associated with St Patrick. Its more of a secular that religious feast but we do have Mass before the parade still….Ireland and it’s customs are changing fast, and not all for the better…….The snakes (serpents) symbolise satan or the demon…our biggest demon is gambling so let call on St Patrick to banish “him” from our lives!…….all the sevens

    • #22592
      vera
      Participant

      how the hell did you do that green trick…?the Irish should have the monopoly on green,should we not? especially on St Patrick’s Day……!….all the sevens

    • #22593
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well im on my 4 day break, well, its 3 now as yesterday is over..lol.  Today im shopping, i have a list of things to do, as does Jodie so we are going to be on the run.  Its her sons 3rd birthday on the weekend so my main priority is getting his present, then i have footy tickets, an underlay for Harry’s bed, clothes for my mum, on and on the list goes.  On top of that we have to do the groceries.  I am going to be a bit weary tonight.
      I had a little urge on Wed night, driving home from work.  Odd really because nothing had happened, although on thinking about it, i think i was relieved that i was on break so a good ‘relax’ was well deserved! I just thought, it would be really nice to go and sit for an hour.  I find it amazing that i still think that, but i know i dont believe it.  An hour is just not a possibility for me, i know exactly where i would end up.
      So, as usual i came home and jumped on here and didnt give it another thought.  Jodie is having a yard sale on the weekend so yesterday after our walk i helped her price everything.  Good lord that girl has some stuff, so i hope she gets rid of the majority…
      Im not doing a lot this weekend, Dames is working so it will be a quiet one, which will be nice.  Im looking forward to doing nothing really.  Lots of time to spend on chat…LOL.
      Well i hope you have a great day, you all take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22594
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      You sound like life is good but busy.  Seems like you are having fun with it all.  I hope that you have a great relaxing weekend.  Saw the part on the urge.  Looks like you made it through with flying colors.  Way to go.  Makes me realize that I will need to fight this always, but, if you know what you are up against, and know what you don’t want to do, we can all get through it.
      Well, have a great time.  Hope the sale goes well.  Have fun.You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22595
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a massive day, so massive that i had to call the school and ask them to tell the boys that i was going to be late!  It was only 5 minutes, but i hate it when im driving up to the school and they are standing there, looking for me.  They went and played on the playground, so it was all ok.
      I am very excited, i got the biggest, bestest bargain in the world today….of course it wasnt for me, lol.  It was for Harry’s bday.  I had put a big lay-by on, with all the wrestling stuff…$190 to be exact.  Well, i was walking around the toy section and there was this huge box, with a wrestling ring, 6 men, a belt and a heap of other stuff, marked down to only $45.  There was heaps more in the box than i had lay-byed, but the box was damaged.  I decided i was going to take it anyway, tape it up and pick up, then return the layby, which i did.  The best thing was though, that because the box was damaged they knocked off another $10 so i got it all for $35.  I googled it when i got home to see what it was worth…i could only get a UK amount…100 pounds.  WOOHOO!!! I am thrilled, i LOVE a bargain!!!  Once i taped the box up it looked brand new..lol.  Am i the bargain hunter of the century or what!!!
      Even with my bargain, it was an exhausting day, we just had too much to do and not enough time to do it, we didnt even do our usual lunch..it was a sandwich and a coffee on the run.  Thankfully i can sleep in tomorrow and i certainly will be doing that. I have a handbag party to go to, you know where they come to your house and sell stuff, like a tuppaware party.  Its at a girls from work and she has invited me to so many things that i havent been able to attend, so i will be going. I think Brea is going to come, so it should be good and i need a new handbag really…lol
      I hope you all have a great day, hope to see you all on chat this weekend, take care, Kathryn xxxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22596
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      your marathon session reminds me of the ones I used to do lol.  I get a lot less done these days but still feels like a marathon session.  And you know, sometimes it takes a little work to save money.  One good thing that has come out of gambling is that my husband has finally taken a part with the finances.  He used to take for granted that the money was always there and I would juggle and juggle our finances.  Now he is doing more shopping and realizes how fast the money can go.  And we are on a budget lol.  My accountant aka mom keeps me on a tight leash.  So Awesome bargain K!  My sister was the bargain shopper of the century.  Get things for 80 to 90 percent off. 
      Anywyay, have fun at the purse party!  Your daughter is going to remember the laughs.  Be proud K 🙂
      Hope to see you this weekend, although I think we are at the worst times for each other.  I believe you are 15 hours ahead right now and when your time changes it will be 16.  If I’m on around lunch time I think hmmmm 3am for K, yep, pretty safe to say you are not going to be here lol.
      Have a great day, it is 9:22 pm for me and I think it is lunch time for you.
      Take care,
      Laura

    • #22597
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Cooo-eeee!!! How goes it, Aussie Girl?  Sounds like a hectic shopping event, but aren’t those the best?  What an amazing bargain, I’m so proud of you.  I would have been all over it … like white on rice!!  Bargains are the best invention since sex!!  Am I allowed to say that here, LOL!!!  Honestly, my niece and I spend hours drooling over the bargains we could get with our cornucopia of coupons.  Unfortunately, money is a bit of an issue at the moment … but this too shall
      pass.  And then the cruellest of cruelties … our dollar is now ON PAR with the American dollar.  OMG … it PAINS me to think of all the bargain shopping I am missing out on.  Anyway, as I said, all in good time.  Economists are saying the parity is the "new normal", so maybe I’ll get lucky and it will remain that way for a couple of years.
      I have lots to say, but I’m scared I’ll lose the post, so I’ll post again later and look for you tomorrow.
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22598
      sereneone
      Participant

      GOOD ON YOU KATHRYN…
      Very impressed with the steps you have taken, keep the momentum up and from the sounds of it you are pretty busy anyway, treat yourself to something little as a reward each week, some nice hand cream or something. Your daughter sounds lovely and she will be so proud of you. My dad was an alcoholic until I was 17 and when he finally quit with the help of AA I was so proud.
      Go for it Kathryn, you deserve the best in life x

    • #22599
      salina
      Participant

      Hi kathryn
      Just lil ol me saying hi I am still here still gamble free. Have stuggled a little this week and of course sunday is a day or so away so i have to just stay focused and really it wont be that hard. I cannot go in there and frankly I dont want to.
      For today.. I just thought I should touch basis as you have been a big part of my strength to finally self ban.
      Hope all is well in your world.
      Life is interesting isnt it?this to shall pass

    • #22600
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Red bag??? Now you’re talking girl.  I’m the kind of woman who wears a bag until it falls off her shoulders, so it has to be large enough for ALL occasions, high quality and sturdy.  A while back, I bought a gorgeous red Liz Claiborne number and have worn it to death.  The poor thing is screaming for me to end it all, but I am determined to squeeze the very last compliment out of it.  It is (or was) a thing of true beauty.  I think the next one will probably be red again (although I have seen some gorgeous orange leather bucket bags that are hoarse from calling my name).  So, as soon as I have a little extra moolah, I’m going give those bucket bags a fair hearing.
      Let us know what you chose (and what Brea bought too, of course) as well as all the goss about the girls, LOL!!!
      Hugs.
      RG This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22601
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Great job on the bargain hunting.  It is such a great sense of accomplish when you find the deal of the century!  I love that feeling.  I’m a big bargain hunter myself.  You just feel like you’ve "put one over on the man."  Not sure if that makes sense, but in the US, sometimes people say, "I stuck it to the man."  Kind of a funny saying to me.
      I love reading your posts, my friend.  You are just so full of life and positive energy.  It is so nice to see you talk about "real life."  Very encouraging in our walk to recovery!
      Well, I’m a little "posted out," so I’m keeping it short!  Have a wonderful weekend!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22602
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well today was a really relaxing day coupled with a birthday party this afternoon.  Anyone who talked to me on chat this morning knows the boys were driving me a little mad, so the break was good, they got to run a muck on the playground and tire themselves out. (it was at McDonalds)
      So, as usual there was a funny part…here i was, looking all gorgeous in my puffy black pants and was walking back to the table with a tray full of burgers, fries and thickshakes when suddenly my body wouldnt move.  I was standing on my pants and as i started to tip over, luckily my friends mum grabbed me and straightened me up.  Wouldnt have that been just perfect!!!  Jode and i laughed till we cried.  I usually have trouble finding pants long enough as i have long legs so these must be extra extra long…lol.
      I have cooked dinner and am now waiting to do the dishes, i cant be bothered but it really needs to be done, i hate going to bed with dishes on the sink…oh my kingdom for a dishwasher!!!
      Hope you have all had a good weekend,  i really need to go and put the gloves on..sigh.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
       Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22603
      salina
      Participant

      i blew itthis to shall pass

    • #22604
      Anonymous
      Guest

       
      Hello lady: I looked and looked and looked for you on chat on the weekend … all to no avail. Every time I got on, there you were … gone!!! I was standing there beside myself, LOL!! (Sorry, it’s very early in the morning).   Sounds like you had a marvellous weekend, although I must admit I’m a little puzzled about the “puffy pants”! What are puffy pants?? Have I sleepwalked through an entirely new fashion trend? Sounds like a dangerous one too, what with you rendered motionless and tipping over. What a sight that must have been, LOL!! 
      Anyway, thanks for the lovely post on my thread on the weekend. Your support is priceless, I couldn’t stop laughing with all the “bloody beauties” and “loveitloveitloveit’s”. You, my friend, are an original … the real deal!
      Oh, and one thing that you forgot to mention … I had NO idea that you were a glamazon!!! How tall are you?? Sounds like well over 6 feet with those extra, extra, extra long pants. I have exactly the opposite problem. I usually have to cut off about two feet when I buy new pants (ok, slight exaggeration) but you get the point, lol. What a pair we’d be, with me smiling up at your knees!!!
      Well, another week looms and I have to get the boys up. Boy, are they going to be grumpy this morning after almost two weeks of sleeping in till 11 a.m. Ah well, such is teen life …
      Wishing you a wonderful week with your gorgeous boys and girl.
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22605
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi K
      Wot No dishwasher?   Aggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
      I have spent the past few days driving round lay-bys looking for men. How come you go out and get 6 for £100. I’m not greedy – 5 would do. That would cover the gardening, shopping, cleaning, ironing, cooking – I have no use for a 6th.  I could cope with watching them wrestle if that was their thing as long as they performed their duties and paid me exorbitant complements. And then on top of that you gave them to your son – I’m gob-smacked!!! 
      I too have no idea what puffy pants are. I was concerned when I read that bit because in the UK pants are the things you wear under your trousers but fortunately I read on and unless you are wearing full length knickerbockers I assume you meant the outer garment.
      You are now on page 97 so it must be nearly time to write the book – with illustrations, although perhaps you need to wait until the end of April so we can see Jode in her dress!
      You are an inspiration to the site K and I only wish I had more time to read your hilarious activities. By the way I have no sense of smell – so I could not have helped you track yours down.   When people are wrinkling their noses and saying there is a fearful pong I join in saying ‘flaming Nora – that’s awful’  just in case they think it’s me – although I am not sure why poor Nora should be on fire!   I have decided that I would not like a sense of smell as there appears to be more unpleasant pongs than nice ones! Trouble is I have to spend twice as long washing to ensure I am not mistaken for a dead animal or long-forgotten broccoli at the bottom of a school bag because I would be the last person to know when to evacuate the building.  
      Thank you for being there K and doing so well
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       
       

    • #22606
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      RG and Velvet…lol.  Ok, im going to explain my ‘puffy pants’…i proboably didnt describe them as well as i should have.  I hope you aren’t imagining MC Hammer "you cant touch this" pants because they are nothing like that!!! They are really, really, really wide legged, and really long.  The material is as light as anything so they kind of sway in the breeze.  Very easy to step on!
      As for the men V, if i can get 6 men for 100pd..well, im not even going there, although, if you could pick your own it would be kinda fun, i didnt have any choice which ones i got for Harry, luckily for me, 3 were the ones he wanted. And for the record, you would be a perfect nurse…having no sense of smell would be an enourmous advantage working in my job.  I wont go there either, i know you have a brilliant imagination.
      RG, im wondering, i have found a job i want to apply for, and IF i get an interview i am going to take your attitude i think, although is the subject of money taboo?  Im wondering if i should ask about the pay rate or is that rude?  Im going to send off my stuff next week, so fingers crossed, if i can just get an interview…ill wow them!
      Not much really to report, all is well on my end.  Oh, Velvet, i knew a woman called Nora once, her last name was Bone…true story i swear!!!
      Have a great day all,
      Take care for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22607
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Glad to hear you are doing well.  I read about your urge and just thought now if you didnt have that self exclusion in place it might have been a tad harder to resist so thank god you are excluded everywhere, something i wish they would do in this state too to cover everywhere.  I am not unfortunately and  today i was really tested with that one, i haven’t been to a computer in a while and i certainly noticed i let my guard down.  Hey Kathryn I also wanted to let you know i am letting go of the friend, just like you had to after all those years i can see i do too.  Finally figured out iv’e got to look after me, haha, its been a long time coming! 
      Your stories are a hoot girl!  Good to see you going strong and i wish you all the best in your job interview for next week,  even my toes are crossed for you, as well as my eyes after staring at this screen, thankfully its not gambling eyes, oh how i remember that look!
      Seeya soon
       P – living and learning

    • #22608
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ms K:  Just a quick note re: the money question.  Money is definitely taboo in the first interview.  In fact, I believe the protocol is not to discuss it until they bring it up and then when they ask "How much do you want to be paid?’, counter with "What is your salary range."
      I was VERY bold in my last interview because I thought I was the only one being interviewed (silly me … they had one little card up their sleeve).  Anyway, we live and we learn … and I’m learning that I can’t interview for a full-time job the same way I interview as an independent supplier.
      Will check in with you again soon.  Best of luck.
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22609
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey K,
      just popping in for a mid-week check up.  Was great talking with you on chat the weekend past, can’t believe we are half way to another.  I’m working a late shift today, will soon have to go get ready.
      Yes I was imagining MC Hammer pants lol and thinking oh God that is not a fashion repeat I want to see lol.  Glad you cleared things up.
      Anyway, not much new on this end, taking things one day at a time.  Good luck with the job hunting. Have a great rest of the week.
      Laura

    • #22610
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn.  Sounds like you are enjoying your life.  Good for you.  I think the pants you are talking about, we here in US call Elephant Leg Pants.  lol… Go ahead and apply for the job.  Who knows?  I am going for a job interview today and have decided to let go and let God.  If it is the job for me, I will get it.  Otherwise, I still have applications out there.  All is well………….Nancy– 3/24/2010 1:10:33 PM: post edited by howanan.

    • #22611
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      I am so glad that you explained your puffy pants.  Ok – so the first thing I thought of when you talked about puffy pants  was MC Hammer!!!!  LOL!!!  I really didn’t want to burst your bubble if you liked MC Hammer pants.  I’ve now restored my opinion of your dress habits!  Thank you for the clarification.  (What’s sad is that I had a pair of them in the early 80’s!)  I can now sleep well tonight!
      I hope all is going well with you!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22612
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey there!  Actually, I had heard that Aussie hugs are the best in the world, but I didn’t believe it.  I guess I’m just going to have to accept that now that you’ve told me, lol. 
      Thank you, my friend, for your constant support.  It is a beacon in a very dark night.  I have accepted that the house has to go.  It’s not the end of the world.  Houses come and they go … I will survive.  There are options, but the thing weighing heavily on me right now is how to take care of immediate bills.  That, too, will be managed somehow, I’m sure.
      I won’t lie, the gambling thought has been there all night.  But, it’s always followed by a wry smirk and the thought of "what good would it do?  I’d have to win tens of thousands … and we all know how likely that is to happen."
      It is 12:02 a.m. and I have made it over the 100-day hurdle and starting Day 101.  I will make this day with tough life decisions and all.  Oh … and did I mention, my car died tonight … all the way over at my niece’s house.  It’s going to cost hundreds to have it towed back.  Lovely, isn’t it?
      Be that as it may, I have to say thank you again to you and everyone on this site.  Tonight you’ve been lifesavers.
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22613
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you for your posts, it was lovely to read them today….i have been googling all day, Jode and i have made a  change of plans for our trip next year.  We are going to do a Thelma and Louise style roadtrip from New Orleans to New York. We are already making plans for the stops, so if anyone has any advice of where NOT to go that would be great.  We are thinking of going inland, stopping in Memphis, Nashville, Kentucky, up to Cincinnati, and then kind of across to Philly until we reach New York.  Im hoping we have enough days to do it all, i do know its about 2200kms from New Orleans to NYC, so we will be doing major research…what fun!!!
      I havent done a lot today, apart from the googling, Damian has taken off fishing tonight, and i have my night at Jodes, we have only spent about 4 hours together today…lol.  Whats a few more??  I have completed my resume to send off, and that will be in tomorrows post so hopefully i will hear something in a couple of weeks, fingers, toes and eyes crossed please!!!
      Hope you all have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22614
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hmmm…. I’m hearing a T&L sequel … "Katie and Jode", LOL.  What a lovely prospect, though.  That would be a trip of a lifetime, wouldn’t it?  I’m about to jump on google to look at teeny tiny houses.  We’ve started talking to our bank, realtor (my sister) and renovator (niece’s boyfriend).  The next couple of weeks are going to be busy.  Watch the interviews start rolling in, just because I’m planning to be busy with something else.  (Well, I can live in hope, can’t I? LOL)
      I’ve come to some level of acceptance.  We have to speak to the boys today.  I’m not looking forward to it.  Anyway, that’s just another hurdle to get over … and perhaps we can make it an adventure.  Besides, for my sanity, I’m telling myself that it’s only going to be for a year or two, then we can get the dream home.  And no, I don’t want a McMansion, but I do want something with a big back yard and pool, but something that I can easily manage.  I NEVER want to be here again.
      Well, gotta get searching.  Have an awesome day!
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22615
      kathryn
      Participant

      I have 27 minutes people…
      27 minutes before my life changes dramatically for the next 2 weeks….yes, its school holidays!  I am sitting here mindfully meditating, are you reading that RG? I am coming to terms with the fact that for the next 2 weeks i will have no alone time….sigh…..
      Ok, ive sent off my resume today, Jode and i went shopping (groceies) today and this place i have applied for is right next door to the supermarket.  We went and had a little sticky nose.  Its only new but is a little dark so how perfect for me…i can go and brighten the place up!!! LOL
      Im working tonight, and all weekend but will try and pop on the chat line whenever i can.  Hope to see you there…
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22616
      movedon
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Am glad you liked the letter – I just couldn’t resist posting it when I read it, it’s so sad but it also has hope within it! –
       I got it from a thread entitled a return to old ways, by familyman in MY JOURNAL forum
      Would you believe I even emailed a copy of it to my ex spouse who is an active CG & who has stepped out of my & my childrens lives – although he doesn’t want anything to do with us, I still couldn’t resist the urge to send him that & this website address! always with the hope that although I wasn’t able to be his team mate in beating the addiction that maybe, just maybe a lightbulb will go off on his head & he may decid to help himself! In my heart it would be a dream come true, if at least for the children to be able to enjoy a DAD! one can never lose hope for the future!
      All my best wishes to you in your recovery – you are very courageous in accepting that you have an addiction & even more courageous to be fighting it! well done……..There’s always light at the end of the tunnel even if sometimes you have to try really hard to see it!

    • #22617
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Great to see you on chat this morning.  I hope that you get some good rest so that you can enjoy the kids holiday!
      I love hearing from you and your wonderful sense of humor!  I hope all is well and the days go quickly!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22618
      kathryn
      Participant

      Movedon and Dd, thank you for your posts.
      Im feeling good today, my weekend of work is over, the kids are watching Wrestlemania (i will admit, ive been watching it too, what a hoot!) I have had some wonderful chats this weekend, its lovely to be able to just have a yak.
      I went to my sisters for her birthday yesterday.  My neice was there, she has just come back from antartica…the photos were amazing, i didnt realise, i thought it was all snow and ice.  My favourite pic…she was standing taking a photo, and felt something between her feet. She looked down and there was a little penguin sitting between them.  She leaned over and took a photo…just amazing.
      My other sisters birthday is tomorrow, if she had lived she would have been 59, so happy birthday Neicy!  An amazing soul who will be missed forever. Its taken a while but i have let go of the guilt of my gambling during her last days.  I now think of her and remember the good times, i can still hear her laugh which is fantastic.  I know she will have forgiven me, she was a gambler too.
      I hope you have all had a great weekend, im sure i will survive the holidays Dd…hmmm!  I have a bit planned for the Easter break with the boys as hubby is away. It will be nice.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22619
      meglee
      Participant

      Hiya chook
      What a lovely post about your late sister. Wow, what a big age gap you had in your family?! From what you say its not too hard to imagine that she is watching over you in your recovery, and supporting you everystep of the way. I have no doubt you have made her very very proud!
      It was lovely to catch up with you on chat this weekend, and others too. I love the weekend chatroom!!!! (thanks GT!)
      Glad to hear that someone loves watching the wrestling (LOL)! I HATE it…with a vengance!. my poor son never gets to see it (unless he sneaks it when i’m sleeping in on a sun morn haha). I know it is to my daughters advantage that he not watch it though, coz he’s 7…and believes its all real. and the last time he watched it, his sister ended up in a dodgy head-lock that could easily have landed her in the emergency room LOL! My dad, who’s 70, loves it too…but I am such a killjoy that i even have him trained to turn the channel over if my son walks in the room!!!! (i can totally understand though, that if boys outnumbered girls in my house I’d maybe struggle to control the remote on this one haha).
      Enjoy your first week of school holidays m’love! Ours starts friday!
      love and light always xxxx
      Meg"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22620
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Cher Kathryn (means Dear Kathryn en francais):  Thank you for that rousing rendition of You Are My Sunshine.  It gets better and louder with every version.  Have you been drinking?  LOL!!
      Well another day, no dollars.  But, today I am back to being my grateful-living-in-the-present self.  What will be, will be.  I have decided today that I will be happy and enjoy the process of beautifying my house for impending sale.  Isn’t this life a grand adventure?
      It has not been a particularly productive day.  I have given myself permission to care for myself.  So I’ve washed and deep conditioned my hair, taken a delicious, long shower and will take care of other primping and preening duties later.  I have a lovely, trendy, purple nail polish that I will put on my fingers and toes later.  But lots to do with the boys before then.  Have a project due tomorrow for my oldest boy.  Lawd, will it never end.  I am more educated that I ever planned to be, lol!!
      Gambling thoughts and urges have subsided, thank God, and I feel that I can now move forward again.  Let’s hope it stays that way.  Hope all is well and that you’re enjoying your lovely boys on their vacay.
      Talk soon, my friend.
      Love,
      RGThis moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.

    • #22621
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      checking in to see if you have any hair left in your head lol.  It is only 7pm here but I am fading fast.  An hour on the computer after a long work day and my soft bed and heating pad is calling me.  I already have the PJ’s on.  So I will take advantage of your post to say good for you RG!  Positivity and pampering 🙂 
      Hope you are having a good week with the kids K. 
      Take care,
      Laura

    • #22622
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Very nice thoughts about your sister.  I’m sure it’s a real loss, but its great that you can remember all of the great times together.  I haven’t even thought about what I’m doing for Easter Sunday.  I need to check in with my kids and see who is planning on coming home!  All is good.  Maybe we’ll have pizza!  I do love to cook but I like cooking for a brood better than just a few.
      Sounds like your break is going well.  I love the penguin story too!  Have a great week!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22623
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Was so nice to see you on chat again, i sure am missing my computer.  Boy do i feel better about things after coming here, phew!  I was in a bit of a mood today!  Oh well these things happen and now i am going to take out some of that mood with my vaccuum and attack this flat.  Glad you are enjoying the holiday time with the kids, mine starts this friday. 
       P – living and learning

    • #22624
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Saw that we were logged in at the same time and thought I would just say hi and thanks for sharing your life — the happiness that can be obtained by staying gambling free.
      Stay strong. Keep active.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

    • #22625
      Anonymous
      Guest

      YOOOHOOO!!!  Popping in for two seconds just to say hello.  Hope all is well in the Land of Oz.  I’m waiting for my boys to finish their showers, then I’ll don my chaffeurs hat and take them to school.  It is a gorgeous, sunny day, but I daresay, I will crawl back into bed upon my return.  I only had about two hours of sleep last night with all the worry.  (OK, maybe some of it has to do with all the caffeine in my Diet Cokes … but I can only handle one addiction at a time )  That being said, I’d better stop at the convenience store for another one, no more in the fridge.
      If I don’t chat with you before the weekend (are the weekend chats still on?), have a WONDERFUL time with your beautiful boys and lovely girl.  I’m still trying to decide whether I will do an Easter Egg hunt again this year.  The boys assure me they are not too old for it.
      Keep smiling.
      Lotsa love.
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22626
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good morning all,
      Ive been up early today, i was planning on a lovely lazy sleep in, but alas…i woke up and i was laying on my stomach.  Now that may not be a big deal, but for me, sleeping on my stomach is bad news.  My back gets extremely sore, and i have to try and roll over, with the threat of it ‘twanging’.  Picture a turtle, on its back, trying to roll over, well, thats me but the other way around!!! lol.  It took me about 15 minutes to manouver myself around so i was laying on my side, then i had to roll onto my back. (i sound like  beached whale!!!)
      So i now have 4 days off.  I was so tired at work last night, it has been exhausting, plus i think knowing my days off were coming was playing on  my mind.  Dames will be leaving at around 2am tomorrow, so provided i dont roll onto my stomach i will have a lovely leisurely sleep!!!
      Im going to take the boys to the movies tomorrow, to see some dragon thing.  They havent done very much in the holidays, and they love the movies so that will be good for them (plus i love the popcorn!)
      I went yesterday and finished the Easter shopping, everyone is done.  I always get the boys pj’s to go with their chocolate and i wanted to get them some wrestleing pj’s, but of course they had Baileys size but not Harrys, little boys arent really meant to be into wrestling!  So they got plain old pj’s but i did find a pair of wrestling underpants for them…so cute!!!
      So today will be a lounge around day, i need to clean the bathroom and try to mop the kitchen floor without the kids running on it afterwards! Then its off to Jodes tonight. 
      I hope you all have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22627
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Had a giggle about you as the turtle, hope your back doesnt play up too much for you today.  I am taking my boy to see that dragon movie too, he keeps asking to see it, 2 more days then he goes away for 3 days with my mum.  that is when i have to be so careful because im having odd thoughts, not so much an urge but a constant different way of thinking which isnt good but i am determined to do my all to turn it around.  Have a good easter, i so love easter eggs.  My son is such a chocaholic, hmmmm wonder where he gets that from????  hehe. 
       P – living and learning

    • #22628
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear K
      I was glancing through the forums (as you do) when I chanced upon your post of 24th March and realised that I had been unmasked, uncovered and my identity blown away.
      I have wanted to remain a secret but I always knew if Velvet was to be unfrocked it would be by her old friend Katy Puffy Pants.
      Do you still do that think where you blow bubbles upside down whilst swinging from the chandeliers.
      We must meet up again – it would be a scream
      Love
      Nora Bone x
       

    • #22629
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Good morning, Chiquitita!!  (Yes, I got that from Mamma Mia!!)  How goes the battle?  Hope you’ve slept off your frustration about Brea (I’m sure it’s all blown away and you’re once again in love with your darling girl !)  Teenagers are ingrates, aren’t they??  Bet your Mom would say what goes around comes around, LOL!!  If that is the case, then I’m going to have a bunch of pouty, moody teenagers!
      Anyway, I’m totally ticked off today too.  Must be the moon.  My extended family — brothers, sisters, etc. — are driving me ABSOLUTELY mental!!!  Thank God I’m going to my "besty’s" house tonight (did I spell that right?).  It’s her birthday, but I’m afraid she’ll have to endure my tirade before the fun begins.
      Had a great meditation session today … just what the doctor ordered, but need to have another one now.  I SO hate being financially strapped (euphemism for dirt-poor).  I had MANY gambling urges today, honestly, it is the MOST tiresome thing.  I was all over the map.  Maybe the casino.  Maybe a scratch ticket just to scratch the itch.  Maybe lotto.  GRRRRRR!!!!
      Anyway, I have to hit the highway for the long drive to her house.  Talk soon.
      Love, RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22630
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you Nora..LOL and RG for your posts.  Today i am taking the boys to a movie, we havent been for ages, its in 3d…the last time i went to a 3d movie it was Jaws in 3D.  I kept my eyes closed nearly the whole time i was so scared the shark was going to jump out of the screen..lol.
      It should be fun, and being a kids movie it wont be too scary im sure…but ill let you know.  Im looking forward to the popcorn of course.  As for the rest of the day, just pottering around, not doing much.  I am going to have  a lovely long hot shower and wash my hair, it really needs it!
      Not much else to report, Damian got off this morning without a hitch, he will be there now.  He wont be back till Monday so it will be very quiet in this house all weekend. Damn, ive just burnt my breakfast…Brea is always telling me not to cook while im on the computer…LOL..Oh well, id better run before the smoke alarm goes off.
      Have a great day…Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22631
      vera
      Participant

      Hope you enjoy the movie with your boys Kathryn!
      I’m just tuning off the light . it’s 2 a.m. That’s what I call a holiday. Up half the night and lying in bed until midday!
      Off work til next Wednesday. Wish I could work midday ’til midnight. It would suit me much better than 07.45-20.30!
      Busy weekend ahead. Visitors on Sunday and the house is like a tip!
      Where’s hubby off to?
       

    • #22632
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Breakfast? Oh yea, the time change. I just had a turkey sausage off the grill and some lite chocolate ice cream. I ate too much! I am eating instead of gambling. Not good. I keep promsing next week… Well enough of this nonsence.
      I did get the mother curse with my daughter, I hope you have a child just like yourself. When does that end? Mine is 28 and continues to try my patience every day!
      Hope to see you on the chat, have a wonderful day!
      bettie

    • #22633
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Let’s know what the dragon movie is like my boy really wants to see it too!  Teenagers hey, I have that to look forward to hehe, I can’t imagine my boy a teenager but it is going to come around fast.  I cant believe my boy is 9!  Where have the years gone, i know where some of them went and i am so desperately wanting never to go back there again.  I have overindulged today in food, its such a weakness for me, and i am at this point rolling around like a whale holding my belly!  hehe, oh well. 
      Have a great easter Kathryn
       P – living and learning

    • #22634
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ugh, i feel like a tired worn out old Digby today.  I had a shocking night.  Harry decided at half past 12 that he was going to be sick.  And sick he was….over everything, the bed, the floor, it was horrid.
      Poor little mite, he was in the shower, sitting on the floor, i was trying to clean him up and at the same time i was stripping his bed, the whole lot had to come off, there wasnt one thing left untouched.  I am still washing now, its is lunchtime and thankfully it is a nice day.  I think it was a combination of the movie food and nutella toast he had last night…eewwwwww.
      So its midday and i am still in my pyjamas.  I am going to go and have a lovely hot shower.  My bed was covered in towels as i put harry in bed with me, and everytime he moved, i was awake, with the lamp on making sure he wasnt going to throw up in my bed, which by the way i had only changed yesterday!  Thankfully he didnt, but i was awake….a lot!!!
      I was going to take the boys shopping today, Bailey is in deseperate need for clothes, but that can wait.  I think we will have a quiet day, with a nice dinner of meat and vegetables.  The footy (my team) is playing tonight so i will be here, on chat and watching that.  We did have tickets but since Dames was going away i didnt want to drive there on my  own.  I gave them to a friend to use, so i hope he has a good time, they are great seats!!!
      I did have a whiff of a gambling thought earlier, im sure its the memory of Dames going away, being free to gamble as i pleased, and boy, did i make the most of it back then.  Poor Brea would be stuck home with the boys while i went and gambled my little heart out.  This time of year is the busiest in our town, Easter is always huge and i remember sitting there with people lining up for a machine, it didnt matter to me, as long as i had one.  I think i will buy myself a nice icecream to have tonight after dinner, thats much better than fighting for a machine, and tastes a whole lot sweeter, not to mention costing a hundreth of the cost if i went and gambled.  My only problem will be deciding which one…lol.
      Well, hope to see you on chat this weekend, take care everyone, Happy Easter (remember im easter bunny tonight!!)
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22635
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Aussie Girl!!!  I found you all the way at the bottom of page 2 … what gives???  So … how was the movie?  My boys may go tomorrow night with a school friends.  The parents called me earlier today to invite them. 
      So, are you all ready for Easter?  What are you making for Easter lunch??  Turkey??? Ham??? I haven’t even given it much thought.  I’m going to have to hit the grocery store very early in the  morning to avoid the psychotic crowds.  In the mood I’m in, I’ll probably take someone out with my shopping cart and spend Easter in the clink!!!
      Tomorrow is going to be another busy day.  Hubby and niece’s boyfriend will purchase and install hardwood in my living room (or Great Room) as they’re now called!!!  I’m hoping he’ll also do some painting and I’ll continue sorting, chucking and scrubbing in the bedrooms and bathrooms.  I have to be very vigilant with my time, because there are also school projects due on Tuesday, so I’ll have to carve out some time for that.  Then, there’s the ever-loving, freakin’ job search, hmmmm. 
      Anyway, I started off meaning to send you a nice post and now look what I’ve done.
      Hope to catch you in chat.
      Love,
      RG
      May you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.– 03/04/2010 1:25:07 AM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #22636
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Clearly, we are crossing paths in cyberspace, LOL!!  So sorry to hear about Harry.  Hope he’s feeling loads better.  Isn’t that the absolute worst?
      Hope you enjoy your me time and the footy.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22637
      vera
      Participant

      nothing worse than vomit in the middle of the night……and they always wait until daddy is out of town!
      Hope the little pet is better and has an empty stomach for his Easter eggs!
      I’m going to STUFF myself with chocolate this Easter!
      Needing a feed or feeding a need?
      No gambling allowed!all the sevens

    • #22638
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well, ive just had about 3 hours on chat, and ive done my easter bunny duties, its not easy trying to sneak into the boys room, praying Bailey doesnt wake up (hes the light sleeper) Almost crawling in with the eggs, pj’s and underwear (WWE to be exact!!)
      Putting the glass of water on the table, and trying to make bunny teeth in the carrot…LOL.  Happy Easter everyone, i hope it is a happy, peaceful, gamble free one! Im now off to bed, im almost crosseyed from chat, it reminds me of being at the pokies, those evil pokie eyes…i hope i dont look like that tomorrow, but if i do, well, i have good reason, good chat, good laughs, good feelings with my friends there. Not sitting zombied out in front of a machine, lifeless, robtic…it makes me shudder to think of it.  Plus our daylight savings ends tonight, i get an extra hours sleep in the morning….and boy, do i need it!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22639
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Looks like I missed a marathon chat session!  Very fun!  Moving a little slow this morning from the wine tasting party last night.  Oh well, it was very fun.  I told the people that I play Volleyball with that I was going and a friend of mine wanted to go.  We were quite a site in our sweats and all.  We had fun.  I did get a good sampling when I was there. 
      So I have never done throw-up well so power to you!  Hope the little fella is doing better.
      I hope you have a wonderful Easter.  My parents are coming through town today so I’ll have to have a Saturday easter with them.  My daughters will be here tomorrow.  My son stayed at school.  We’ll have a good time with it.  I need to make it to the grocery store, but am a little slow on the uptake at this point!  Hope to see you on chat this weekend. You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22640
      female g
      Participant

      Thanks Kathryn for posting and your right no gambling for me this weekend.  I will however be sure to have a few glasses of wine to relax myself and enjoy a wonderful Easter feast that the entire family has contributed too.  Lots of calories to get rid of over the next few weeks lol.  hope you have a wonderful Easter too G

    • #22641
      kathryn
      Participant

      I have just been on a posting frenzy, so i thought, i would post on my thread too while i was at it!!!
      I had a great day, the kids were up early, the foil was flinging around at lightening speed, the WWE Jocks were on in a flash…lol.
      Had a lovely lunch at my sisters, with her grown children, who i adore…my mum and step dad were there as well, it was lovely. Magnificent food, my mum makes the best pavalova…yummo, im full as a goog!!!
      Back to work tomorrow night, my 4 days off has felt like 2 weeks, so thats a good thing, i feel refreshed and relaxed.  Dames will also be home tomorrow, i think he has had a great time, ive only heard from him once so it must be good…LOL
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22642
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      just catching up.  I didn’t realize Harry had been ill.  I’m always a day or two behind with my reading it seems lol.  Glad he was feeling better for his Easter chocolate.  It is just Easter morning for me now, youngest slept in so I did too.  The oldest doesn’t even get up any more, he just collects his share of the chocolate when he manages to roll out of bed around lunch time. 
      Those urges can just come out of no where can’t they.  Something familiar triggers them.  I was just about going crazy last night.  Will be writing about it on my thread after.  Good for you, stayed home and enjoyed the anticipation of Easter with your boys.  Normally I would be so annoyed that a holiday was interfering with my gambling schedule lol.
      Well, it was good to see you on chat.  Talking things out and a few good laughs are what the doctor ordered. Glad you are rested after your long weekend.  Don’t work too hard Monday night.
      take care,
      Laura

    • #22643
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Oh, and Happy Birthday!!!!!!! Your thread is a 100 today
      have a great day.
      Laura

    • #22644
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Ms. K:  Happy Easter Monday. We had a lovely lazy morning, with a delicious brekky and then chocolate for dessert .  Then we go stuck into the cleaning.  What a noisy house we were this Easter … the neighbours must be griping behind their curtains.  Oh well … we’ll be gone soon enough. 
      I’m like a loony, cleaning windows, frames, screens.  I’m determined to get all upstairs windows done today.  Then also doing laundry, washing-folding-ironing-putting away, and cooking and feeding the hoardes.  Not such an Eastery Easter, but it will all be good.  The kids are having a ball, playing outside in the sun all day.  TV and video games have been banned since this morning and will resume after 7:30 p.m.  This way, at least I know they get their exercise and their Vitamin D.
      Hope you had a restful sleep and are ready to tackly another wonderful week.  I’ll check for you on chat later.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22645
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi chook
      I too, am sorry to hear about the sick/vomit thing! Ugh! Its just one of those things we do as a parent isn’t it…but thats when i REALLY wish there was such a thing as a fairy god mother or magic genie……..       " um…three wishes??? gee…. actually i just have the one at the moment……WILL YOU PLEASE CLEAN UP THE VOMIT FOR ME?????? Thanks!"
      I hope your weekend has improved and that the washing all got done (with or without a fairy godmother to help!). Was it the chocolate that got him or a bug? My boy is dreadful on choc. Always has been. doesnt stop him eating it though..and i curse every other person that walks through the door bearing more easter eggs in my house LOL! He turns into a maniac and then has quite a reaction to it (not pretty, but suffice to say it doesn’t agree with his digestive system!). Thankfully THIS easter at least he didnt puke! But he suffered in the other ways, and was a demon!
      Last week, i had every intention of hailing your dawning of ‘PAGE 100!"…. but obviously the week got away on me and i missed it!!! bum! Anyhow, It is noteworthy chook…. because if; what you write, and the responses you get; was not worth reading, you’d never reach 100 pages! But you inspire! You make us laugh – yes, sometimes at you, and sometimes at ourselves, but either way laughing is good for the soul, and you provide it!! You also let us share your lows and your sorrows, and thats what keeps your thread so lively and honest. Its you, and its real! Thankyou for being YOU! and for sharing it with us.
      Hope school hol’s are going okay. catch ya soon.
      much love and light
      meg xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22646
      kathryn
      Participant

      LOL…thanks Laura and Meg for pointing out that i am 100,well, 101 now….i think it just shows how much i love to talk…LOL.
      Thanks RG for posting, im so pleased your Easter went well, i only have 7 sleeps till the kids are back at school…woohoo!
      Work was not pleasant tonight, but i put my cd on and sang all the way home at the top of my voice…i often think that if someone was hiding in the back seat they would be dying to get out of the car!!! Personally, i think im a brilliant singer, give me that karakoe microphone and im off!!!
      This is my big week at work, im not looking forward to it really, i am starting to not enjoy my job anymore, which i think is sad, yes i laugh a lot, but the joy isnt in it anymore, it is such hard work all the time. Its actually quite depressing at times.  But i dont complain when i get paid, and hopefully i will hear from the job i applied for last week, it closes tomorrow so im praying to the job gods to help me.
      Dames got back from his trip today,i saw him for a whole 10 minutes before i had to leave.  He had a great time, caught lots of fish, drank lots of beer and talked all that manly talk…ugh…lol.
      Anyway, hope you all have a great day, and your kids are not hungover from the chocolate!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22647
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sounds like a lot of life is going on in your household!  Glad to hear that the kids enjoyed the great weather, Dames had a great manly man trip and that your windows are spotless.  Sorry that the job is a bummer right now – hopefully you hear from the other job!
      Ok – so now to the singing in the car.  I’m sure you are a brilliant singer!  My poor kids had to listen to me sing in the car for years.  Luckily my middle has followed in my footsteps.  Her friends would even mimic my accompanying rock star hand motions – what a mess we were.  Glad to read you have fun with it – we have, that’s for sure.  I hope you have a great week!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22648
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Thanks for posting on my thread, was lovely to chat to you to. Hope you are feeling good and that all is well in the camp, and that Harry is feeling less sickly ??
      Catch up again soon, keep on keeping on, by the way the ice cream thought sounded lovely, still a bit cold here in the UK for those.
      Much love
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx We must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #22649
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Heya Girly-girl!!  Just thought I’d pop in before I turned in for the night.  It was lovely seeing you on chat … you’re such a riot!!
      Anyway, I did hear you about your little, niggly urge.  I know you’ll be fine, but they are annoying, aren’t they??  I think it’s so unfair that we try so hard, for so long, then bam! there it is … in all it’s fake finery and raucous shiny baubles!!!  Not for you, my lovely friend … I’VE GOT YOUR BACK!!!  We’re in this, like Frick and Frack … (hey … poetry!!)
      Deep breath, remember your lovely world (screeching kids and all!! There’s music in those screeches!!!)  Just remember who you are … a gorgeous, leggy, witty, warm and caring glamazon who would never deign to let those dirty beggars touch her again.
      Lotsa love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22650
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      LOL RG, thank you for your post, yes, running to the venue did pop into my head yesterday, theres only so much a woman can put up with.  Thankfully this site has become my saviour, and reading and posting here soon quashed any thought of re-screwing up my life.
      I recieved a call today, about the job i applied for, they want to see me for an interview tomorrow night…WOOHOO.  Im afraid i couldnt contain my excitement on the phone, the woman i spoke to was just lovely, we laughed and laughed so hopefully i have set out on the right foot.
      Send me the vibes people, i believe in the power of positive thinking…LOL
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22651
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Sending  vibes ….. OMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
      GOOD FOR YOU GIRL!!  YOU ROCK!!  Yes, take all the questions you want, you won’t look like a nerd, I promise!!  Just remember, it’s just a conversation.  Relax and pretend you having dinner with a good friend … and just be you … can’t miss!!
      I have to go back to bed … it’s six a.m…. have been up since 4:45.  Little one had a nightmare, kicked me out of my bed .  Will check back in with you later.
      Love and hiring vibes coming your way!!
      RG
       May you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22652
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Would you look at that … I was the 1000th reply!!  Yay me!!

    • #22653
      meglee
      Participant

      WooooHooooo Girl!!! Yay for the interview!!! I am so excited i just did a wee jiggy dance in my rickety computer chair when i read your news… and nearly fell off it… and had a quick check at the window to make sure neighbours didnt see me!!!! haha how funny would that have been?????
      I’m with RG – just be yourself K. If this job is meant for you – it’ll fall into your lap anyway! Cant wait to hear all about it.
      I reckon it might be your lucky week any way….. you hit page 100…. and then your 1000th post…. and scored a fab job interview!!!!!??? Yay – the angels are swingin the bat for ya this week babe – for sure!!!!
      Hope school hols are going okay….. sigh… i love my kids but damn they’re hard work sometimes eh (haha). My 7 yr old boy is still on a post-easter chocolate-come-down and behaving like a little a***! He’s in full-on ‘battle-mode’ with both me and his sister ( i think we’re BOTH exhausted). 
      Good luck for the interview babe. shoulders back – head held high – go kick butt!!! LOL
      LOve and light
      meg xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22654
      howanan
      Participant

      Good for you Kathryn…. At the interview they will ask if you have any questions.  I always try to google the company and learn all I can about them.  You can also google job interviews and it will give you some ideas.   Glad you didn’t give into that little jiggle of an urge…………….I am wishing you the best tonight………NancyWhen times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other . . .  Ecclesiastes 7:14

    • #22655
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Really can’t wait to hear how the interview went, my fingers and toes have been firmly crossed for you.
      Much love
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       We must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #22656
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey All,
      Im heading to bed, but before i go…I GOT THE JOB, they offered it to me on the spot!!!  I will elaborate tomorrow, i can hardly keep my eyes open.
      See ya, K xxxxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22657
      paul315
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Thanks for listening to me go on in the group today, you got to hear a little of the continuation of the background that  you asked about some months ago.
      And again, congratulation on your new job.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

    • #22658
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Oy … what gives???  You walk in and they give you the job???  I couldn’t be more thrilled … (or more bloody green with envy !!!)  I did do a little celebratory chair dance for you and the song: "Hey now, you’re a rock star" popped into my head." 
      So, give us the deets.  What is it for?  Same as you’re doing now?  More money? When will you start?  How much notice do you have to give your current employer?  Spill already ….!!!  Good things are happening, K … and it couldn’t happen to a nicer person!!  So, what are you going to do to celebrate?  I say you and Jode take a spa day, at the VERY least!!
      God knows, I’m taking one when I get through this quagmire (maybe even a whole bloody weekend)!!! Well, gotta get back to my skivvy duties.
      Talk soon.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22659
      meglee
      Participant

      Yahoo! Yippee! Yay!!! LOL!
      You walk in…and they offer you the job???!! What did i say about it falling into your lap???! Wow, this obviously IS the perfect job for you.
      This is awesome news chook, and I am grinning from ear to ear for you. Cant wait to hear the details too!!!
      Love and light
      meg xxxxxxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22660
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Larry, it was great talking to you last night, and thank you for the well wishes…
      Meg and RG, lol, thanks for you posts, i will tell all….
      This job is completely different from what im currently doing.  This postition involves working with doctors, assisting them with procedures, biopsies, ECG, giving immunisations, wound dressings, a complete turnaround from what i am currently doing, which is very exciting as my experience in nursing is going to go through the roof.  It is a walk in medical centre, so every day will be different, i am also doing some reception duties as well.
      Money wise, RG, it is less per hour, but i get paid more per hour at the moment as i do evening shift and weekends.  The weekends in my new job will be 1 in  about 6.  Plus i am doing twice the hours at the new job, which is going to be a shock to the system, so yes, in essence i am getting paid a considerable amount more.  Im looking long term, with what i learn here, my employment opportunities are going to skyrocket in the future! The ladies who interviewed me were amazing, so laid back and really stressed the importance of having a laugh and enjoying the job (can you believe it?)  I think im really going to enjoy it.
      I am giving 2 weeks notice today, so the following Monday i will start at the new place. I will be reading up on as much as i can before i start, so that i at least have some idea what i will be doing!  There is full training there, and i will be buddied up with someone for the first month, until i get the hang of it.
      I am totally exhausted today, the interview started at 7.30 and i was there till 9.  They went through all the questions and then at the end said, well, you have the job!  I actually got up and hugged them…lol.  They had recieved a lot of resumes, but decided that they were going to pick the 2 they liked the most (there were 2 positions) and they interviewed the both of us and we both got the job.  They went on gut instinct they said, and didnt want to muck around.  So now i have a million things running through my head, things i have to get done before i start, i will need to get this house ship shape and get everyone into a routine as i will not be here during the day anymore.  Its a bit daunting really, a huge change but one that i really needed.
      So there you go….i can quite believe that happened, but im bloody glad it did!!!
      I am working all weekend so i wont be at chat as much as id like to, but this will be my last one for a while…WooHoo!!
      You all have a great day,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22661
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey K!
      WHOO-HOO to YOU!
      Congrats!
      bettie

    • #22662
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Whoo-hoo indeed, I am soooooooooooooooooooooo pleased to read your update.  All sounds so exciting for you, knock em dead or what !!.  Keep on keeping on girl.  You are doing brill.  Hope to chat at some point over the weekend.
      Much love
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #22663
      howanan
      Participant

      Oh Kathryn I am so happy for you.  I know you will just love it.  And to be home nights with the kids.  That;s great! Good things come to good people…………..NancyIf you pray – why worry……… If you worry – why pray.

    • #22664
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      Well done on getting the job, it sounds fantastic and it looks as though you will have great colleagues to work with. You have done so well to turn your life around and now you are getting the rewards that you deserve and long may it continue.
      Once again congrats.
      Cheers
      Carl
       My soul is back

    • #22665
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thanks Bettie, Looby, Nancy and Carl for your well wishes, it means a lot!!!
      Yesterday i had to go and resign.  I was nervous, my boss is very…loud.  Anyway, i went to see her and her first words were…god, you’re not going to resign are you..LOL
      So, i said, well, actually, i am.  She asked about the job, i was waiting for her to say something a little derogitory.  How wrong could i be?  She was amazing, said she totally understood how i am furthering my career, how it was their loss and they would be sad to see me go, then when i gave her the 2 weeks notice she said, well, i think you need at least a week to have a rest before you start the new job…i was gobsmacked.  So, i finish work next Wednesday, then im off for 11 days before i begin my new adventure.  How nice is that???  All the girls have been wonderful, im almost sorry to leave…almost.
      I worked today, it was the perfect day, isnt that always the way when you are leaving…LOL.
      So i feel pretty good today, i was having a bit of a panic last night, what am i going to do with the kids, in school holidays, but i know it will all work out and i will worry about it when it comes.  They are back on Monday…WOOHOO!!! I am so over listening to WWE songs all day.  It will be nice to have some quiet.
      Hope to see you on chat this weekend, take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22666
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi there!!  Just a super-quick note to say thanks for your post.  It means much, as always.  Of course I didn’t think you don’t love me (how could you not???LOL!!)  What’s not to love? 🙂 
      In case you’re worried, I’m not gambling … haven’t decided to make it a bender.  I’m working like a pig-dog on the house, my arms feel like they’re about to fall off.  My best friend is over helping me and we yacked like mad for the first hour, but have slowed down as the energy stores run out. 
      I do hope I catch you on chat later.  Talk soon.
      Love, RG
      PS:  That’s wonderful news that you have 11 days to sort yourself out before you start.  Isn’t it nice when bosses surprise us with nice deeds?May you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22667
      ej
      Participant

      Awesome what is that saying one door closes and another opens..wish u the best for myself last gambling day March 12/10 and things are working itself good got to counselling going on a trip scared but have follow suggestions still pig headed but made commitment to myself not to gamble and put a plan together take care of myself this moment and enjoy this beautifel day and happy for you Peace to you  Eric

    • #22668
      vera
      Participant

      GREAT NEWS KATHRYN!
      and all because you gave up gambling!
      You could never have thought of changing jobs otherwise….(changing from one machine to another was the biggest move I ever took when I was "in the throes"!)
      Things are faling into place for you m’darling and only due to your own effort and persistance!
      Isn’t life wonderful, afterall?
      One tip! Get the house sorted before you take up full time work…my is always in a tip because I let it get out of hand in my casino days and , as a result of working fulltime, I never caught up!
       all the sevens

    • #22669
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      I can’t believe I am so behind in saying congratulations and giving a whopping big cheer. You deserve this break and I just know you will be fantastic in your new job.
      I open the forums and F&F always beckons me. It is not for lack of thinking about you that I do not write – it is purely lack of time.
      I just missed you in the chatroom on Saturday – I saw the back of your foot as you disappeared out of the door.  I tried to grab it but I thought it might cause a bit of a cyber accident and I’m not sure who I could call if there was an emergency – cyber ambulances being probably as rare as hen’s teeth.
      I am so pleased and can’t wait to hear more about the job. I know the wedding is this month so I need to read more to find out about Jode’s dress but I am being summonsed elsewhere at the moment.
      I think about you oooooooooooooodles of times
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #22670
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      RG, Vera, EJ and Velvet, thank you for your posts…..
      RG, you are dead right, who couldnt love you, whats not to love!!! I am very fortunate to know you my pochahontis!!!
      Vera, you post cracked me up, yes, my biggest decision used to be what machine to jump on also, and i have started the house already, after all, i need a few days before i start with no housework (yes, im dreaming)
      EJ, thank you for your support, you are doing really well and im so glad you posted.
      And the lovely V, last but not least…dang, trust me to be leaving when you arrive, story of my life, im usually just that little bit early or little bit late….sigh.  Jodes wedding is in 2 weeks, she is now having a small coronary, feeling she hasnt lost enough weight.  I think she looks fantastic, but regardless we are going shopping on Friday for undergarments that flatter ( what would we do without them?)
      Ok, so yesterday my 10 month anniversary came and went.  I felt pretty good all day, i felt strong and happy (the happy part has nothing to do with the kids going back to school today!) Oh, i had a lovely day today, cleaning, dancing around doing the vacuuming, it was bliss…no WWE!!!
      I had to go and take my paperwork in to my new employer today, and it just reinforced my excitement to this job, i cant wait.  I met a couple more ladies i will be working with, they were so friendly and nice.  I need to do some serious shopping though, my wardrobe is a little sparse for work clothes.  i have had a uniform all this time , so im going to go a bit trendy i think!!!  Im really going to enjoy the time i have before i start my new job.
      I hope you have all had a good weekend, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
       Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22671
      diane123
      Participant

      Keep up the good work Kathryn, I think of you often and am so happy to hear you are moving forward in a positive way. All the best to you,now and always. xxxoooFailing to prepare is preparing to fail!

    • #22672
      Anonymous
      Guest

      TEN MONTHS!!! I am SO very proud of you, my lovely, leggy friend!!!  Your positive spirit and hilarious sense of humour is deeply admired and appreciated by many on here, not the least of them, me!  What a wonderful gift you are to me, the GT family and I’m sure everyone in your immediate circle in Oz. 
      And now, you’re moving on to new endeavours.  Who knew life could be so grand?  None of this would have been possible or attained while gambling.  Not because you couldn’t do it, simply because you wouldn’t have had the drive and ambition to do anything but expend your energy on the next casino trip.  Way to go, my friend, way to go!!
      Lotsa love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22673
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathyrn
      Just wanted to say congratulations on the new job, way to go!  Congratulations also on your Ten months, you are an inspiration to many.  Thank you for being there for me Kathryn. 
      P Living and Learning

    • #22674
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      You’re da’ bomb!!!  Excellent on the new job.  I’m sure you will do great and that it will work out well for your family.  What a great career move.  Very, very cool.  You are such a great inspiration to us all.  Way to go after what you want and get it to boot!  I hope to catch up with everyone soon.  I’m still trying to get organized from my trip!  Catch you later.You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22675
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well tonight is my last shift at work…yay.  I think we are having a dinner, i got my mum to make her famous pavlova…yum.  Work last night was good.  The girls gave me a really nice card….with a little present in it……a suppository!!!! I wasnt allowed to open it till i got home and i nearly fell of the chair laughing…funny women!!!
      I really am going to miss it there, ive had a lot of fun,but im ready to move on.
      I have booked in for a brows and a hair-do next week which will be nice.  The boys walked home from school last night, and they were home just 5 minutes before Dames so that is great.  When im working i wont have to worry about them. I am going shopping tomorrow with Jode for some clothes, and i have a busy weekend, my neice is having a house warming party on Sat, and then i have a hens night.  I am going to the football on Sunday (if im not too sick)
      Ive had a few gambling ‘thoughts’ the last few days, not strong ones but they are there. Im thinking of seeing if i can self exclude again next week, while i have the time off, so i dont have to worry while i am working. Im not sure if i will be able to find the time to do it and i dont know if they do Saturdays so i think sooner is better than later.
      Anyway, thats all for the mini.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22676
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, im finished!!!  Last night was my last shift.  The girls all put in and we had Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner, yum! I had 2 indian students doing the rounds with me last night, and when the staff was leaving for the night they got me..they poured a whole bottle of sorbolene cream down my underwear, gave me an atomic wedgie and poured a bottle of water over my head.  If the boss looks at the cctv today she will get a shock!!  I ended up having to wear a pair of blue and white chequered pants home from the lost property, as you can well imagine, it wasnt too comfortable. Oh, and i had to stop and get petrol.  The lady there was looking at my pants…lol.  I explained to her why i was wearing them, when i got home Dames was in bed and he got up and said, what the hell are you wearing??? LOL. The 2 students who were with me just stood there with their mouths open..LOL.  One said, is this what happens when everyone leaves?  I replied, no, not usually!!!!
      I had an early wake up call today.  My neice, who is pregnant has had the baby!  She wasnt due for 8 weeks, im not sure of the details except to say that his name is Kellan, and he weighs only 1.2kg.  He is in Melbourne while my neice is still in Geelong, she had to have a ceasar, she knew something wasnt right yesterday and went to the doctor, he put her in for the emergency ceasar.  I do hope he is alright. Now that, is a little weeny baby!
      Today im off shopping with Jode, im suposed to get clothes but i dont think we will have time, lol.  We have to get everything for the hens night on the weekend and have to go to one of ‘those’ shops.  Poor Jode is nearly having a fit!  Its pretty funny really. So im just about to head off and have a shower, im very unorganised this morning, no lunches made or anything.  I will have to pull my socks up and get moving.
      Take care all,
      Have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
       Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

    • #22677
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      seems like since forever since I have posted to you.  Its great when we can find the positive, the happiness, the joy in life.  Sounds like you are enjoying life, atta girl!  But I definitely agree, do the banning ASAP.  No sense in having any temptation about.  I’ll say a prayer for your little great nephew, sounds like a  large title for such a little man 🙂   I truly hope things work out for your family K.  Enjoy the hen party tonight and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do lol. 
      take care K
      Laura

    • #22678
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn sounds like things are moving right along in your world.  Great news!  If i were you i would do the banning, I so wish they did it in this state like they do where you are.  To be excluded everywhere by excluding once is a dream, take the opportunity before your other runs out.  If i could i would. Silly how they make different rules for different states isnt it.  I think i may write a little letter to the government explaining how hard it is for us to do here and how it could be made so much easier.  For now i just have to work on the other things to strenthen and ban mentally i guess and not carry cards or too much cash.  Only what i need, and keep close to this site and meetings.  That way i think I am armed pretty much.  Congratulations on your new job, had to laugh at their joke when you left sorbolene cream etc, people must read this and think us aussies are a mad bunch!  hehe.  Anyway just wanted to say hi and congrats on your life, it is really full now of all wonderful things that dont involve gambling.  You are awesome Kathryn
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22679
      female g
      Participant

      Pavlova it takes me back to days long passed.  Man I really enjoyed that Aussie dessert.  I have a recipe should try to make it here.  Hope to see you around in the chat room over the weekend and hope those nagging urges just go away.xoxoxG

    • #22680
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Aussie friend of mine!!  I’m here, just pyschotically busy with the house.  Should go on this weekend.  Once hubby has all pics, I will send you the listing so that you can see.
      Glad you had a lovely send-off … wish you had pics of the plaid pants, LOL!!  Speaking of headhunters, I had to put the heat on the baby this morning (what an eeeeeeeeejit!!)  I will send you a pic of her so that you can see what I’m talking about.
      Speaking of babies (I’m frenetic this morning, can you tell?).  Congrats on Kellan.  Hope all is well with the little pumpkin!! Congrats also to Mama!!
      Gotta go now.  Carpet installers making a hell of a racket putting new carpet in one of the hallways.  Bloody dog chewed it up trying to get into my bedroom.  Now, he’s hiding under my chair because of all the banging … serves him bloody right!!
      Talk soon, chiquita!!
      Love, RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22681
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope your weekend goes with a bang, but that you don’t experience too bad a headache after the hen night. Life seems so full on for you right now and with such happiness in your postings. Keep on keeping on xxx
      Hope to catch up in chat sometime over the weekend.
      Take care for now
      Much love
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #22682
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Sounds like things are going awesome.  I hope you have a great hens weekend!  What a blast!  Sounds like a great farwell at work.  Do you get to keep the plaid pants????  Hope you have a great weekend!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22683
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Firstly, can i apoloise to all on the chat tonight…i was a bit giggly, after the worst hens night on earth!!!
      I was the helium queen, the balloons were being untied fast and i was singing…MJ, George Michael, Elton John, you name it,my little helium filled lungs sung it…LOL. I am about to hit the hay, but i swear, these young girls have no idea how to have a good time.  Me, Jode and Brea had our own little party, and it was fantastic. Im still laughing now.
      I am so tired, im sure i will regret writing this in the morning.  Its not even 11pm…ugh, i am getting old.
      Ok, im going, hope you all have a good day, ill be back tomorrow!!!!!!!!!
      Love you all, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22684
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Sounds like you had a hoot of a time.  I just went on chat but no one around must be most of the worlds sleeping time.  Life is certainly good for you now Kathryn, because you are not gambling, thank god, thank god you got here Kathryn and found this site.  I am sure i am not alone when i say i would be lost without you.  You are a wonderful inspiration to us my fellow Aussie.  Still having a giggle over the helium balloon singing, what a cack.  Cya soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22685
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well ive woken up fresh as a daisy today, thank goodness.  We are going to the football this afternoon, to watch our boys win…i hope. It is going to be a great game and im looking forward to it.
      My sister called last night, before i went to the hens bash, her MIL is on deaths door, it was very sad talking to her and it looks like there will be a funeral next week so she rang to check if it was ok if they all crashed at my place.  Which of course it is, but there is 8 of them…poor Brea is being sent to Camerons so we can have her bed.  As sad as it is, it will be lovely to see her, and as i have the week off we will have lots of time together.  You need your family when you are sad.
      I went to my neices house warming yesterday, before the hens night, it was really nice, her house is beautiful and thankfully very easy to find, i get very scared driving anywhere near Melbourne. I have really not had time to scratch myself this weekend, and i have quite a bit to do today before we leave for the footy.  I feel like my week off will not be like a week off at all…i have a lot happening.  If i can get in one day of doing not very much i will be happy.
      I realised last night just how funny my daughter is, we laughed for hours, and, of course, sang duets with the helium..lol.  I have been wanting to do that my whole life, so theres one thing i can cross off the list!!! 
      Well, thats me, i have to go and do some housework before i head off, so i had better start or i will be very cross with myself when i get home!
      Have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22686
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Sounds like you have a full plate this week.  Enjoy the time with your family, even though the circumstances aren’t that great! What I like about your post is that you show the good, the bad and the in-between.  It is life and as we move through this recovery, that is what we get back to with it all.  So sorry about the hens night.  I hate it when I’m hoping for a good time and it is a flop!  I hope footy goes well!  Have a great week off!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22687
      warrior
      Participant

      Good that ya had a nice visit and found her place.its not funto get lost!!i am going totake your advice.do what is working for me.and thanks for the info on that.here to make it one year..and more, lets do it!!!

    • #22688
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi chook
      Thanks for my birthday wishes on F&F – you’re a sweetie for thinkin of me! so, yes, I’ve joined the 40 club now LOL!!!
      I woke up in the morning and checked my hips….they seem ok (dont think i need a hip replacement yet!), then I slapped on some more anti-wrinkle cream (coz all the ads tell us we should….just in case), I double-checked my memory (just to make sure i’m not losing it yet – I dont THINK i am – but how can you EVER be sure!!!!!)….. then i decided – its okay being 40! Feels pretty much like 39!!!!! LOL LOL.
      Wish I’d had helium balloons at my birthday party! Never thought of that! they are always fun….so long as noone passes out from it haha. So glad you had a lovely time with Brea – must be a lovely experience when your kids reach ‘adult’ age, and you realise you can be their mum  AND  be their mate too! Remember it works both ways, and I bet she enjoyed hangin out and laughin with YOU, as much as you did with her!
      Sad to hear about your sisters MIL, but hope you enjoy your time with her all the same!
      Love and light to you always
      Your Meg
      xxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22689
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Meg, i will come over and post to you, P, thanks for your post, it was a hoot, and thank you for the kind words, i feel very blessed to be here and feel i have finally found a home away from home. Dd and Warrior, thanks for checking in, its lovely to come here and see a post, like i always say, its a little present just for me.
      Ok, so my sister is coming tomorrow, i got the call today, and there isnt 8 of them, there is 9, although he is only a baby so he doesnt really count.  I have borrowed all this stuff from Jode for him, cot, stroller, bouncer and some big monstrosity he can sit in and play with, very cute.  He is 6 months, i think?  I dont care anyway, im going to eat him alive…mind you when they were down last time i had a photo with him and my neice put it on facebook, which was ok, except that i was wearing my old worn out nightie!!!  Embaressed…YES!!!
      Anyway, the funeral is on Thursday, i will be going of course, i have known this woman since i was 5. I havent been to a funeral for a long time and i dread them, they are just so sad. It breaks my heart, but i will go and pay my respects to her, a beautiful woman who was the matriarch of her family.
      Tomorrow i am busy, not only with the family coming down but im out all morning…..coffee with a friend, and then lunch with another friend…oh i have the life!!!  LOL
      So thats about it, i will try to get on when i can, not sure how well that will go with all the family here, but i will give it my best shot!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22690
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Sorry to hear about your loss. The death of someone close can take a toll on our thinking, but the good memories and a chance to be around others seam to come out ahead of the sad feelings. 
      I can not be there, but I can show my respects to you.  May God comfort you.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

    • #22691
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I’ve decided on a new and very appropriate name for you, given our last conversation.  It will be Kate Spade!!!  LOL!!  I am here, Lady-With-Shovel-In-Hand, reading when I can squeeze in half a minute.  I expect that you may not read this until Wednesday or Thursday, what with all the craziness in your household. 
      My thoughts are with your sister’s family at this sad time.  Funerals are tough … I’m always emotionally drained for a few days after. 
      Anyway, just popping in.  Have to get back to the craziness in my household now.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22692
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sounds like it is going to be hectic for the next few days.  I’m sure you will have a great time other than the funeral.  It is so good to see you living life at it fullest.  It is very encouraging.  You’ve slayed the dragon and are enjoying the victory!  Have a great week. You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22693
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey K,
      glad to have caught up with you a bit on weekend chat.  Sorry to hear about your sister’s MIL.  I would imagine that 9 guests, a funeral, and a baby (hmmm that sounds like a movie  title) would be enough to fill anyone’s week off up.  I do hope you get some down time, some you time before you start your new job.  I know you were feeling a bit anxious about starting the new job.  I know that you will be just fine because, I remember when you told me what the job was, I thought that it would be perfect for you.  With your friendly personality, your compassion and understanding, and your sense of humor, I can see you making each patients visit  a little easier and their day a little better.  They are bound to love you, after all, we all do 🙂 
      Well, can’t believe it is evening all ready.  Had a rough day today but trying to roll with it  as best I can.  Seems strange not to have you and RG posting.  Miss ya’s.
      Talk soon,
      Laura

    • #22694
      Anonymous
      Guest

      OK … so a week without Aussie Girl is more than enough.  K…ATH….RYN!!!!!!   WHERE ARRRRE YOU???? COOOEEEEE!!!!!A week without our Kathryn is like a week without sunshine. 
      Love,  RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22695
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Sorry to hear of the passing.  You sound like you will be flat out with family and relies.  I hope you enjoy the bub.  Hoping all is going well for you Kathryn.  See you when you get back from it all soon.  Miss seeing your posts.
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22696
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, i can finally take a deep breath.  My week of madness has now come to an end.  And it was the most full on, happy, laughing, sad, fun week ever.
      I have to say, the cleaning up wasnt so much fun, but hey, what can you do?  The funeral was just lovely, every time the man who sang opened his mouth every hair on my body stood on end.  And he sang…a lot. So i looked like i had stuck my finger in an electric socket by the end of the funeral…lol.  The wake was just how i expected it to be, people laughing, dancing, singing, crying, all at once.
      Delia (the deceased) would have loved it, it was her kind of party and everyone made sure we lived up to her expectations.  A fantastic wake.  I got to see many people i havent seen for years, which is always nice but isnt it always the way…at a funeral. I have known that family since i was 5, and i had that many of them patting me on the head…lol.  I also had many peope asking me if i was my sister..they would come up and say ‘hi Jen’, and id have to say, no, im Kathryn.  I dont know if she looks really good or i look really crap because she is 13 years older than me!!  I think ill just stick to the first one, it must be the indian genes!!!
      So i had grand plans this week, to cook a heap of stuff and freeze it, i did manage to clean out my wardrobe, i have 3 bags of clothes to go to the salvation army.  Im actually very excited about work next week, the nerves arent bad at all, im eager to get in there and see how it all works and what i will be doing.  I have been shopping and bought myself some lovely clothes to wear to work, it will be nice to be a bit dressed up.  Today i went and had a haircut, and yes Meg, i now have 2 eyebrows!!!
      I actually, finally feel that i have got to a point where i feel independant, where i feel that my life is finally coming together.  I have confidence, i actually like myself and im not disgusted when i look in the mirror anymore.  I walk with my head held high, and its not just the fact that i have stopped gambling, but that i feel self worth.  Stopping gambling was the beginning of my life, i am living.  This forum has been a wealth of support and knowledge, a shoulder to cry on, friends to laugh with, a place i am so comfortable in, where i can just be me. I felt lost for a long long time, not only did my addiction rule my life, but i was so focused on everyone else, that i forgot who i was.  You have all helped me remember the person i am, the person who was buried, but always there, deep down.  I am so grateful.
      I recieved a beautiful box of flowers from my old job yesterday,  i NEVER get flowers, so i was so pleasantly surprised, and it was nice to know i will be missed.  Today after the haircut i went out for lunch with another group of workmates, i worked at 2 facilities and they wanted to catch up.  It was really lovely, and then to top it off, they paid for me!!! So now, ive finally got some quiet.  It was lovely having my family here, but also lovely when they left.  My week was packed, i never stopped, but i loved every minute of it. I was still popping on for a quick read when i had a minute, i missed the forum, i missed my friends. My life is going to change again, but one thing will never change, i am a compulsive gambler, through and through, and im not ashamed of that.  I wouldnt be where i am, have the freinds i do and the life i have without it.
      Take care everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xx (i will get around to you all on the weekend…eventually!!!!!)To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22697
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      You are one hell of a girl.  Never be ashamed of what/who you are – there is no shame.  We are what we are and that is how it is.  We all need a helping hand at sometime in our lives I believe.  I am so glad you have regained your independance, and your self worth.  You have worked hard to achieve all of this for YOURSELF and should be proud.  Keep using the support, I believe it is the key to success. xxx
      I wish you so much luck for next week and the new job, I am sure you will be fandabidozey !!!
      Sending much love to you and yours
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #22698
      meglee
      Participant

      Hey you awesome lady!! That last post of yours nearly brought a tear!! You rock! ….and when i say ‘you rock’ i mean: you are a COOL chick, and it also kinda means you ARE a ‘rock’…to so many people here!
      You inspire people! Your light shines so bright around this place – and you bring so many people together on this forum and in groups! I’m not sure you realise what a precious and special being you are!!!!!! (Lucky that you have ME here to remind you LOL)
      Make sure you get some lovely "You-time" in the next few days before the new job (thats a priority over and above cooking frozen dinners y’know!).
      Love ya lots. Love and light always!
      meg xxxxxx
      "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"
      PS Looby…. LOL havent heard the word ‘fandabidozey’ for YEARS!!! made me smile!– 23/04/2010 11:15:22 a.m.: post edited by meglee.

    • #22699
      alice
      Participant

      wow sounds like you’re busy busy busy!
      doesn’t feeling independent nad having a life feel great?! i’m jealous 🙂
      good luck witb starting your new job next week!
      alice x
       "Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22700
      p
      Participant

      Hey miss
      Bet you are flat out on this long weekend preparing for your new job next week.  I know all will be well for you i just know it.  Have been on chat most of the weekend, expected to see you there but you are probably out and about. 
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22701
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      Dont you just hate it when things bite you on the bum….i have done my back.  I was actually on chat and leaned over the side of my chair and BAM it was gone.  I spent yesterday afternoon in the hospital, i was worried that i had done a disc, thankfully after xrays it was just muscle.
      I am not going to be able to work on Tuesday, and today is Anzac day, meaning today and tomorrow are public holidays and i cannot contact anyone.  Could the day get any worse…well, yes.
      Velvet, i now have a zimmer frame!!!!  And also one of those special seats that go over the toilet…LOL.  I cannot get up, or sit down wthout my arms around Damians neck.  He has gone to the football today, so had to call in my stepdad.  He is the most untouchy person in the world so it was really quite a hoot.  Mum has been here, cleaning and doing jobs for me…bless her.
      So i am here on my recliner…its a total pain but i cant do anything else.  I just hope that it starts to subside soon.
      Ok, well thats the best i can do for now, i cant cope with this laptop on my lap for one more second.
      Take care everyone, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22702
      alice
      Participant

      oh kathryn that’s really poo! i hope that your back heals really quick!"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22703
      meglee
      Participant

      All the words I want to say about your situation aren’t allowed on here…. the "GT Gods" will bleep them out!!! Suffice it to say, that you know what all those words are…..and i’m saying them all for you!!!!
      I’m also sending all the love and healing i can babe!
      …AND I’m trying not to giggle at the image of your step dad’s face when you tell him you need to pee again!!! LOL (sorry, had to at least TRY and get a smile out of ya! x)
      Talk soon. Love and light.
      Meg xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22704
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      So sorry to hear about your back.  What a thing to happen at this time when you are starting your new job.  I am sure they will understand.  I hope you have a quick recovery, thank goodness it wasn’t a disk.  Sending you good thoughts, we all missed seeing you on chat this weekend.  Get better soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22705
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear K
      I am so sorry. I just don’t get over and read nearly enough and then when I do I find you crock.
      Please get better soon. Back muscles seem to suddenly sort themselves out but by crikey they hurt at the time. 
      I am sorry but the picture of a special seat to go over the toilet makes me smile – I know it shouldn’t but I used to have one on mine when the kids were tiny but I thought it was to stop them falling in!!!!!!!!!!!! 
      I hope the job is OK but more importantly you soon are. Relax on your recliner and imagine George Clooney dropping peeled grapes into your mouth. I always imagined Michael Douglas but he lost if for me when he married Catherine Zeta Jones!
      I think I must away – my husband is too quiet which means he is enjoying himself and I can’t have that. I think I will go and do a couple of cartwheels round the garden with a few back flips – oops sorry – that was insensitive mentioning how fit I am. Well you didn’t really think I need a Zimmer frame did you? I only use it for sympathy and to bop Meg out of the way when she gets stuck in the door when I’m trying to open the group.
      Loads and Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       
       

    • #22706
      finding_laura
      Participant

      So sorry to hear about your back K.  I can sympathize 🙂  Get better soon. 
      Love ya,
      Laura

    • #22707
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Awwww, poor Katie Girl!!!  What a rotten, lousy thing to happen on the eve of your new job!!!  &*(*(&(*%&#(*%)*&^@%^)&!!!!  There, I said it!! 
      Ok, I’m trying to find the glimmer here.  You have everyone serving on your hand and foot.  You get to sit on your bum all day and watch tv.  With luck, you’re high on painkillers .  And, maybe … you get that few moments of quiet you dreamed about last week.  (Sorry, that’s the best I can do for this situation!)
      I did the same thing about two years ago.  Ended up flat on my back for a week … sooo not fun … but I got some good sleeping time in though.
      Right now, I could use a nap.  Had many appointments for showings this weekend.  ALL cancelled … *&)*%&#*(&&%@(#*&%!!  Do they know how freaking hard I work for perfection for each showing???  Do they know the hell I put my boys and hub through each time???  EVERYONE, including the dog, has been banished to the basement ALL DAY!! They are summarily marched out 45 minutes before each showing and the candles are lit, classical music on, all lights on and every carpet and soft surface very lightly perfumed.  Like a lunatic, I am up at daybreak, frantically dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, watering plants, checking every nook and cranny.  I’m driving myself completely bonkers.  It has better sell soon, or I’ll be curled up in a ball, drooling, under the stairs in the basement when people visit.
      No gambling today.  I know you’re home safe.  All is good.
      Get well soon.  Take it very slowly, these things take time.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22708
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Your week, prior to the back incident sounded great!  Sounds like a wonderful time and great experience.  I’m so glad that you have your wonderful life and your perspective is awesome!  I wanted to make sure that I commented on the absolutely excellent post you shared!  Now, on to your back!  I’m so, so sorry to hear about it.  Please rest and take it easy.  I’m sure it will heal shortly, so hang in there in the mean time.  I’m so glad to hear of how things are going for you and with your life.  Excellent!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22709
      vera
      Participant

      terrible about your back Kathryn…I find it interesting that it should happen at this time!
      Ever read Louise Hay.." You can heal your life"…she says sudden back injury relates to being stuck in the past…
      As you move on to your new job, have a look for any unresolved issues especially guilt…!
      Louise Hay said it, not me!

    • #22710
      kathryn
      Participant

      wow…
      thank you all for you wonderful words of support.  I am feeling better, i am able to get on and off the chair by myself and i managed to get myself changed without doing any major damage.  I have been waited on hand and foot.  I am very fortunate to have 3 lovely boys here looking after me.  The pain killers are doing their work and i think that the anti-inflamatory injection i had on Saturday is helping me also.
      The bonus is that i got onto my boss today and she was wonderful.  I was so scared she was going to tell me that they would have to find someone else but no, they want me to call on Wednesday and let them know how i am doing and when they think i can start….PHEW. I was so relieved, as was Dames, although he hadnt said anything previously, until he knew my job was safe and then he told me how worried he was.
      So, although im still in the recliner, i am getting up for a little walk every hour or so.  So yes, RG, i did get my rest after all…not the way i wanted it though. 
      Thank you all soooo much, i was gobsmacked when i logged on.  You are all so wonderful, and i really apprecieate your care and concern.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22711
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi K
      How on earth could you have even begun to doubt that your new boss having met you could do without you?
      You can really relax now and get your back better.   Worrying keeps the muscles uptight, so let it all hang out and enjoy the pampering – whatever that is!!
      I am sure everyone must be greatly relieved you can manage the loo on your own.
      Reading your post makes me realise that you were really scared and I am sorry I took the mick but I didn’t realise that you could possible think that anybody would not want you enough to wait.
      Looking forward to reading about the job whenever it starts. It will start quicker I am sure when you relax your mind and your body. 
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #22712
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi K
      Hope today finds you feeling even better than yesterday? I know how bad back’s can be, having a disc go 18 mths ago with complete loss of feeling in my lower left leg which has never returned, so I sympathise. 
      Take time for your body to recover before you embark on your new job xx  It will wait, and of course, they need you, you will be the best.
      Thinking of you, the zimmer and the loo seat
      Much love
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #22713
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Great to hear that you are on the mend!  Awesome that your new boss was so understanding.  Thing just work out which is great to see.  I hope you got some rest and are back on your feet in short time! You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22714
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I am so behind! Sorry about your back, I feel your pain! I’m good for a thrown out back atleast 3 times a year and I think using the toilet is just the worse part! UGG!!!!!
      Hope u laughed!
      Take care
      bettie

    • #22715
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      So i have decided to finish up my counselling by email.  Can i please, please stress to anyone who is considering it, it is truly a worthwhile experience.  I have learnt a lot and at the moment, except for the back, i am feeling extremely content. It is not at all frightening, challenging yes, but i do like being made to think, and counselling has certainly made me do that.  I have come to the conclusion that i will never have all the answers, some things just are,and i have accepted it. 
      I have learnt that i do not need approval for every decision i have to make, and while i sometimes find it difficult to live without the crystal ball (its broken by the way) i have to believe that the decisions that i make are right for me and my family.  Life is never perfect, but i am happy, really happy with the way my life is headed.  This forum, Harry, and Ian(my counsellor) have all attributed to that.
      As for my back, it is getting better. I went to the supermarket tonight, with my wheelie frame and Damian by my side, im sure he was soooooo embaressed but i didnt care…i needed food!!! It is my baby’s 6th birthday on Thursday, he is so excited, i need to do a few things tomorrow to get organised, thankfully Brea is coming to help me.
      So even though i am still laid up, i have plenty on.  Im getting lots of rest, the boys being at school helps, as i can just snooze off and not have to worry about what they are up to.
      I doubt i will be at work before next Monday, and although i would love to be there by Friday, i dont want to push it and take on too much before my back is 100%, its just not worth it.
      Anyway, i hope you all have a great day, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
      — 27/04/2010 11:57:55 AM: post edited by Kathryn.– 27/04/2010 18:00:32: post edited by harry.

    • #22716
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hah, caught you posting … perfect.  Must be 10:05 p.m. your time, it’s 8:05 a.m. here and I’m just taking a few seconds to read before getting kids out of the door for school.  Can you believe TEN showings yesterday?  I am exhausted.  First did the usual two-hour spruce up.  I know, I know, it doesn’t need that much, but I’m psychotic right now.  The calls just kept coming … I hope it will be the same today.  Real estate office opens in an hour, so let’s see!  I have to be out all day with the dog, he is simply not allowed in the house from morning to night.  So, he gets LOTS of walks.  He loves it for the first hour or so, but as the day drags on, the poor thing starts to be a bit resentful.
      I won’t fall off my chair laughing, look what happened to you.  Besides, it’s not funny, it hurts like hell, I know … been there.  I’m glad you’re feeling better.  Can’t picture you wheeling around the grocery store though, lol!!
      Isn’t little Harry the cutest baby boy ever.  Cocktail wienies for dinner!!  Doesn’t that beat all???  What a considerate, sweet boy!!
      Anyway, time to get the kids out the door.  Will check in on you again soon.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22717
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I had a funny visual of you scooting up to the shops with your frame.  Glad you are managing to get around and that they have been very understanding with starting your new job.  That is fantastic!  coctail franks for Harry, hope he has a great birthday, i am thinking he will you sound like such a great mum too to all your kids.  My boy loves those franks too.  I remember your stories of the car and Brea and you taking her to see Britney Spears, you sound like an awesome mum and we can all tell here that you are an awesome GT friend too. 
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22718
      howanan
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  I’m glad your back is feeling better.   I can just picture you wheeling around the grocery store.  Hope you have a pleasant day………..NANCYIf you look at what you do not have in life, you do not have anything.  If you look at what you do have in life, you have everything…

    • #22719
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      Hope you are doing well – I know you have started your new position – that must be exciting. This is the first Wednesday in LOTS and LOTS of months that you won’t be in group. I have enjoyed watching you grow in recovery. You show the way by the example you set.
      Stay strong – one day at a time,
      Lee

    • #22720
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sounds like you are on the mend.  I tell you, a few years back I broke my ankle and I loved those motorized carts.  I’d just scoot along in the store singing to myself, "I’ve got the power."  The last time we were at Disney, both of my parent got a cart.  They would start out slowly so I could walk along side them but then they would go faster and faster until I was running through the park to keep up with them.  What a sight!  I was exhausted by the end of each day!  My Mom would feel bad for me and would let me take hers (she just got one so she could keep up with my Dad’s race car driving!)  I did try to look sickly if we were able to scoot to the front of the line.  Sorry to totally digress, but it just brings back some funny memories.  I hope Harry’s B-Day was great and that you are feeling better day by day!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22721
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, my baby is 6, we were up at 6 and had to wait for Dames to finish his shower before he could open them.  He was very patient.  So, i had put the biggest present, a huge box of wrestling things, on Breas bed. After he opened all the little ones, complete with a cuddle after every one, i told him there was one that i had forgotten,on Breas bed. He went running in, grabbed the  box (he needed help from Bailey it was so big…lol) and came and opened it.  He loved everything, its all set up in my lounge.
      Now, the funny part of this, is that my sister called this morning, to wish him happy birthday.  He was telling her what he got for her birthday, and he says.."and Brea got me this big WWE box of stuff". He thought that because it was on her bed, it was from her…what a cheek!!!  I soon set that straight!!!
      We will have a little party tonight, just us. Brea has gone to Port Douglas for 4 days, to look after Jodes boys for THAT wedding, yes, it is tomorrow.  I told her to just get through it, and we will have a little BBQ with THAT dress when she gets home. I do feel for her.
      As for my back, its slowly getting better, i now have a claw…so i can pick things up off the floor.  I can bend down but im wary to go that far just in case so the claw does the job…lol.
      Ok, have a great day everyone, bye for now ,Kathryn xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22722
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chookie
      A Claw?????!! Hmmmm… now that could be a handy thing to have around the house! (it would be even handier if it picked things up for you all  by itself eh!!?)
      Hope your back recovers soon and you get to your new job next week. I will be thinking of you, but will have to catch up in a week or so….I’m off on my big 8 day outdoor challenge tomorrow! Talk about putting myself outside my comfort zone…. that was my challenge…. and i’m feeling it already. No idea what to expect, but just now its feeling like the ‘first day of school’ feeling LOL. Bring it on!!! So, though i wont be posting, i WILL be with you in spirit as you start your new job. Hope you love it!
      Love and light
      Meg xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22723
      salina
      Participant

      Wow kathryn!
      I feel so horribly selfish. You are struggling with just everyday life and I feel for you. I cant believe I am worrying about myself when someone who has helped me to this point has suffering that I didnt even take the time to consider.I apologize for always talkin bout "me" pretty disgusting.. I hope and pray your back and your physical condition betters.
       this to shall pass

    • #22724
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Sounds like Harry had a fantastic birthday.  I could hear the joy in him opening his presents through your post.  Hope your back starts to recover a bit more.  My son has one of those claws, red and yellow with a big claw at the end, they are actually quite handy when you cant reach for something.  When i first got it I used to chase my son round the house with it, yelling, the claws going to get you, and we would run like mad.  It was very funny!  Hope you are getting some you time in while you are injured and all the best for starting your new job.  Enjoyed seeing you on chat, hopefully get there more often.
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22725
      alice
      Participant

      hey kathryn it’s great to hear you’re sounding so upbeat! i’m glad that the counselling has helped and that you now feel able to move on from it.
      your boy sounds great! ha ha about him thinking th epresent was from grea. at easter i spoke to my niece on the phone and asked her if mummy and daddy had got her an egg and she said "no only one from the easter bunny!". I should’ve thought about that  one!
      Anyway i hope you stay positive and when you get those down days you will be able to thinnk about the last few days and knwo that it won’t always be a struggle cos there are good days too!
      stay strong,
      alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22726
      female g
      Participant

      Sounds like a wonderful day your son had on his birthday and all thanks to you.  How great is that.  Hope the back continues to improve too. Hope to touch base this weekend G

    • #22727
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well im all ready for tomorrow, i have packed my lunch (LOL, i really have! ), everything is pretty well organised in the house, and my back, while not 100% is pretty close so i will take it really easy tomorrow and do my exercises on the floor if i have to.  Im so ready to get there, so excited, nervous, anxious.  I just want to get stuck into it.
      I had a lovely weekend, just me and Harry, fairly lazy as i didnt want to overdo it.  On a lighter note, and i need some help with this, i have been invited to my neices 40th…its an 80’s party and i need some suggestions for me and Dames, he hates dressing up, but i have convinced him to do it as everyone will.  I was thinking of maybe Luke Skywalker and Princess Leah.  Any ideas will be apprecieated.
      Well, ill be back tomorrow to let you all know how i went.
      Take care all, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22728
      vera
      Participant

      good luck in your new job Kathryn. All your hard work is paying off. Your new employer is so lucky to get someone like you..as for the fancy dress, your idea seems great. you ll enjoy it whatever you dress up as…imagine having a niece the same age as yourself…I have one about ten years younger than me and her daughter is the same age as my son…..

    • #22729
      p
      Participant

      Hi there Kathryn
      Just wanted to pop in and wish you all the best on your day at work today!  I think it will be great for you. I am sure you are a bit nervous but it is so exciting.  I am excited for you!  I think princess lea and hans solo would be great!  You could do your hair up in those things at the side she has.  You have been such an inspiration Kathryn and continue to do so. All the best, thinking of you on this day.  I am in the process of attacking a pile of stuff i have wanted to for a looooong time.  It took me ten hours yesterday to go through this and it is only half done!  Wow.  See you soon, can’t wait to hear about your first day.
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22730
      p
      Participant

       
      ooops sorry dont know what happened it posted twice
      P – Living and Learning– 5/05/2010 5:15:20 AM: post edited by P.

    • #22731
      p
      Participant

      oops 3 times– 5/05/2010 5:19:03 AM: post edited by P.

    • #22732
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      thinking of you this morning and wondering how the first day of work went.  it must be Monday evening for you there.  I’m just starting my Monday and you are finishing it lol.  Glad your back is feeling better.  Be a good girl and keep up the excercises 🙂   Hmmmm, costumes for the 80’s.  Will hve to think about that one lol.  Take care!
      Love ya,
      Laura

    • #22733
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Just a quickie as i am so tired i cant keep my eyes open.  Had a great first day, super busy, nearly 200 patients through the doors, i saw some pretty cool things and i learnt a lot..and that is just day 1!!!  My back survived (just) and im sitting here with the heat on it before bed.  I havent worked an 8 hour day in 20 years, so my poor body is in shock, my legs were literally shaking when i walked out the door tonight.  It was great, i felt really alive, really useful, and although i dont know the half of it yet, i cant wait for tomorrow.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22734
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Congrats on the great first day at the new job!  It sounds awesome!  Enjoy!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22735
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hello Kathryn:  Sounds like a wonderful (if tiring) first day.  What a great feeling to be looking forward to work with joyful anticipation. Please make sure you do your back exercises, so that it’s strengthened and you’ll be able to manage those long hours.  I hope that you’re blissfully in lala-land as I am writing  this.  I’m sure you are.  Best of luck for many, many more wonderful, knowledge-filled days.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22736
      kathryn
      Participant

      My husband found out yesterday that i have been procrastonating on a debt.  Its a massive debt, and i havent paid it. He is furious, beyond furious.  He wanted me to go and stay at my mothers…which i didnt! I slept in my daughters bed last night, i have been called every name under the sun.  He said i was still gambling, for once, i was telling him the truth when i said i wasnt.  He has no notion of money, and the thing is, that im damned if i pay it and im damned if i dont.  It will be paid, in installments that will take years to pay off, but in the meantime our finances take a huge dive.  Im not so concerned about that, we can live, but its when he wants something…ugh.  I have tried to get a loan to pay it, but the bank keeps saying no, bad credit…more ugh.
      I have been keeping away from him, and will continue to do so until he is ready to talk about it.  I dont believe i am wholly to blame, i take my part in it, but i know he wont take his. He is not rational, or in any way realistic with money, he has no idea how much it costs to live, because he refuses to take part in the financial running of this house.
      So thats where i am today, my back is sore as Breas bed is so soft, at least im working today, keeping busy and not sitting here going mad.
      Not sure what is going to happen, maybe this is it for him.  I am unusually calm in all of this, i know it will be ok, whatever happens, let the cards fall where they may.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22737
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sorry to hear about the blow-up by your husband.  You have made it through some major milestones with gambling and life in general.  You do sound calm, but I’m sure it is very upsetting.  You are a strong and wonderful person.  I will be thinking of you as you tackle this situation.  Hang in there.  I have no doubt that you will be ok!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22738
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I have no martial advice as I haven’t been married for 27 years and we only lived together 18 months! Now, if you want advice about living with two cats I can help u out!
      Why is it when everything seems to be going our way (for once) something jumps up and tries to take our joy!
      Don’t let that happen k! You deserve to be happy and I am glad you are calm about it. It is funny how much more secure I feel since I stopped gambling. Work has been a challange and I have been cheated out of bonus pay and credit for my work. Normally that would have sent me to the casino but somehow I have been taking it "like a man" and have not cried and have worked hard not to have a negative attitude, which is something I have NEVER been able to do.
      I BELIEVE this too shall pass!
      Take care!
      bettie

    • #22739
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Katie-Girl!!  Well, isn’t life just a grand ol’ rollercoaster.  I’m sorry to hear of the kerfuffle, so damned unfair when I know how hard you’ve been trying. You sound rational though, and like you’re taking it in your stride.  Things will work out and, in the end, they’re not usually as dramatic as we think they are.  I’m sure Dames will come to his senses and I hope that then he has the smarts to apologize for his silly behaviour.  It’s my opinion (and only my opinion, mind you) that if he doesn’t participate in the work of managing the finances, then he is handing the control to you and he has to live with the outcome.
      There … that’s my piece!
      Hope your day gets infinitely better.
      Love, 
      RG May you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22740
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      I came on here tonight to check in and see how you were doing at work. It sounds like that part of life is good for you – I am glad you have that to look forward to each day now. I know for me sometimes going to work is an escape sometime. When your mind is busy, it doesn’t think of those troubles that are part of your everyday life.
      I have been and am where you are now. We are working to pay off some huge debts. My wife knows we have them – she just doesn’t know the magnitude of the amount. I don’t like it when I have to say know when someone in the family wants something – so even now we are spending more than we have; the credit cards go up.
      Even after 3 1/2 years without gambling, it’s hard sometimes to realize what has and is happening. I know things get better – but only after I come to grips with being able to share more with my wife. I am able to talk with others – I know I need to trust in her – she has stayed and is very committed to US.
      Your husband has to deal with his feelings – you can only control what you can control.
      Stay strong in your recovery – it’s so much better not to gamble than to plunge back into that destructive pattern!!
      Your friend in recovery,
      Lee
       

    • #22741
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sorry not sure why when i sent my last post it came out triple duplicated.  oops. Hey i am so sorry to hear of you and Dames having that argument.  Maybe he will cool down later, usually it is the initial shock of these things maybe and then it settles. I have some paying off to do too I will face that gradually. So glad you enjoyed work, sounds like you will be very busy but wonderful for the new changes you are making. I really admire you Kathryn you have worked so hard at your recovery and you have day by day changed your life and progressively got better and better.  I think you are so strong and really brave.  I think you are a wonderful friend and I am glad i met you here.  Things always have a way of working out Kathryn.  Enjoy the new job! 
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22742
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      First of all glad to hear the first day at work went well, sounds a breeze, look after your back though.
      The debt, it’s a tough one for you I am sure, damned if you do, damned if you dont.  Keep positive is what I shall say, you have both come so far on this road.  Think carefully, take your time and don’t make any hasty decisions which you may later regret.
      I am thinking about you, and know your strength will carry you over this hurdle.
      Much love
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #22743
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      … So thats where i am today …
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      I start my day by reading another chapter in your journal of life "a Great Adventure". The past pages of it contain both the ups and downs that have brought you to this stage; where you are at today. A point in life where you are living a better more enjoyable life thanks to staying gambling free and working on the things in you that caused you to become a part of this addiction of compulsive gambling. 
      The better parts of your life and the enjoyments would not exist if you were still caught up in gambling’s overpowering hold. Unfortunately, things that upset us and cause distress coincide with this good as well. However, the "downs", eventhough some may be connected to your past, are part of life and would exist if you had gambled or not.
      You seam to recognize the that the failure to communicate and except responsibilities is a issue in this case, but this need does go both ways, even when only one is in the wrong. As female G said in a post "Money does make people crazy"; but dealing with it in crazy ways does not have to stop them from caring. You both know, accept and have lived with the faults of each other, it is just at certain times these things that we normally accept or overlook explode. The certain times are normally brought about by life altering events such as, job changes, weddings, deaths, and even the realization of dormant bills that pop up. Both the good and bad events causes stress to both us and those around us. 
      So as you say this is where you are today, now factor in  where you would be if gambling was still adding its disastrous impact on your lives  — where you are at would not be this great adventure, for you would not be living you would only be escaping.
      God’s speed. Be strong. Be kind.
      Larry

      "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.– 5/5/2010 9:39:59 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22744
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Having my morning cuppa!  Wanted to check in and see all is ok with you.  I hope you have a fantastic time with this new job, this is like the new you that you have created.  A wonderful strong, gamble free woman.  Just hoping you have a a good day today and thinking of you
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22745
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, things have settled down here, Dames and i are now on speaking terms.  We are going to try to obtain a loan to cover this debt and not be under so much pressure.  Im not sure just how we will go but i will give it a try.
      Work has been great, first week down and im getting used to the daily running of things.  I have a BBQ to go to tonight, my boss is throwing it and while i would like nothing more than to sit and relax at home, i feel i have to go to this one, as its for the new staff.
      My back is getting better, slowly, it has given me quite a bit of grief this week and now i am having physio twice a week to try and get it right, but it is taking a long time, well,  long time for me. 
      I did have thoughts of gambling last night driving home, i knocked off an hour early, and it crossed my mind, but then the thought of putting the heat on my back won over, it was only a passing thought, i recognised it and moved on from it. 
      Thank you all for your wonderful words of support, i am truly touched. I will be around this weekend, i have missed the fourm so much this week. 
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22746
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi K
      Good to see you back
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #22747
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Glad things have settled.  Wonderful on the new job, sneaky thoughts of gambling yuck but you are making the right choices all the time.  Thank god you are banned.  So wish i could do it here am wondering why they cant make it the same in this state!  makes me mad, oh well not much i can do but work on the other barriers, stay here and keep going to ga.  Hope the back makes a full recovery soon.  Think the bbq should be good as you will get to know the work people a little more. 
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22748
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well im still hanging around, mainly reading…i had a nice weekend, the bbq was a great way to get to know the staff a bit  better, im glad i went.
      Mothers day was good, had a lovely sleep in, breakfast in bed and im currently wearing my new pj’s…the cards made by the kids are always my favourite thing though.
      I was a bit stressed at work this afternoon, i had to immunise 3 brothers, it was traumatic for them, but it was really traumatic for me…ive decided i dont like jabbing kids!!!
      I have to start looking around for a loan for this debt. im feeing somewhat overwhelmed at the moment with all i have to do, but i will get through it. 
      I hope you are all well and happy.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22749
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey K:  Thanks for your post on the weekend.  Seems like you’re crazy busy with that new job … I hope you’re enjoying every second of it.  Also glad to hear that things have calmed down a bit with Dames. Financial stress is the absolute worst kind in a marriage, isn’t it?  There are days when it feels like hubby and I will tear each other apart.  Doesn’t help that we spend so much time together. 
      Anyway, went back to individual counselling yesterday.  Was good and bad.  Talking about everything made me feel worse, thought my head would explode.  But the counsellor was excellent and put me on to some couples counselling through the same organization.  Haven’t checked in with hubby about it yet.
      Have to rush and get kids off to school.  Sure you’re snoozing away right now.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22750
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi K
      Glad you are looking at ways to overcome the recent hurdle and that you and Dames are okay.  Also pleased to hear that the new job is proving good. BBQ with the boss already !! hob nobbing and all sounds great. Sounds like you were looked after on Mother’s Day too
      I don’t think I would like to ‘jab’ kids either
      Keep going, stay positive, you are doing so well.
      Much love
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #22751
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi K,
      must be a busy girl these days, all the way down here.  I was looking for Cully   Not sure where he got off to these days.
      I don’t think I’d like sticking kids either.  But, has to be done.  I’m sure you’re one of those nice nurses.  Not the ones that seem to enjoy picking you  lol.
      Well I started this over an hour ago but then got to chatting.  I know I wanted to say a whole lot more but will be back again.
      Oh and I know you aren’t focusing on this milestone, but Happy Awesome Wonderful 11 months of gambling free time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      talk soon,
      Laura

    • #22752
      female g
      Participant

      Missing you too Kathryn but realize your busy with life and that is good.  Glad you enjoyed your BBQ and that your back is a little better.  Hope all goes well with your new job and you get into the swing of things easily.  Nice to hear you just brushed off that pesky urge too G

    • #22753
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Laura and FG, thanks for bringing me back to the front…i have been slack, slack, slack!!!
      I have had a busy weekend, a party last night which was fun and then shopping today, shoes for the boys and groceries for the pantry. Nothing for me im afraid.  I feel like i dont have enough hours anymore, my spare time is being swallowed up with housework, or sleep.  I seem to have so much to do, and i cant keep up with it all.  I am about to go and do some cooking, its the preparation i cant be bothered with!
      So, i dont have a lot to report at the moment, i am still gamble free, i am still taking things one day at a time.  I will try to be a bit more proactive this week.  I do think of you all every day.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22754
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Wow. You sound so busy!  as always.  i hope you do get some time in for you too somewhere in amongst all the busyness.  Maybe you could slot in a massage or a pedicure or a hair appointment, something indulgent for our Kathryn is needed i feel.  Dont stray too far from us miss, we would miss you waaaay too much.  Good on you for pushing forward in your life, you have made some major changed my fellow Aussie and you have handled them all beautifully.
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22755
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hiya All,
      P,thanks for your lovey post.  I am really enjoying my new job, im now into week 3 and my favourite thing is……ears.  Not the outside, the inside, i looooove looking in them, and most of all, i love doing an ear syringe.  There are some mighty dirty ears out there and when it pours into that little kidney dish, well, i have to say, its pretty amazing. I get quite animated when a really dirty ear walks my way, im screaming…oh my god, look at that!!!  They must think im very strange, matter of fact, im sure whoever is reading this is thinking the very same thing…lol.
      I recieved a letter today, from one of the gaming assocations that i excluded from.  On June the 16th it will be time for me to sign again.  I will ring them this week,im pretty happy they sent me a reminder letter, i knew when the date was, but there is a number and a name to ring so i will find out if i can exclude on a Saturday.  I want to do it before my due date, for as long as i can. 
      I have my mother in law here at the moment, she is only staying 1 night, so no big dramas to speak of. She has been quite unwell, so i doted on her like the wonderful daughter in law that i am (except for the half hour i went on group!!)
      I still havent organised our payment plan yet, and of course the bills are arriving thick and fast this month, just to top things off.  Brea has also had her car serviced today, which has turned into a costly exercise, the best part of $600.  We are paying it and she is paying us back.  I cant afford for her not to.
      So that is me at the moment.  Tomorrow the payment plan will be in place, and then i can breathe out and really start enjoying my life.
      Take care all, hope you have a great day.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22756
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Kathryn, nice to talk to you in the group have tried to follow your last 11 months by reading all of this thread but think you will be celebrating your first year by the time I’ve finished reading it all!
      Its great to read other peoples stories, and you aswell as others, are inspirational to me. Well done and keep it up!
      Geordie.Anybody can change.

    • #22757
      Anonymous
      Guest

      EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!  Thanks for the EAR GUNGE story!!! Read it just as I was putting my first spoonful of brekky in my mouth!!!!  Had a very clear vision of the kidney dish …. blughhh!!!
      Hello, sweet Katie-girl !!  Just a teeny note to let you know that I am here.  I will start posting again soon, just getting through the house purchase.  Sitting on pins and needles waiting for mortgage approval.  Once the sale is firm, I will relax and spend more time on here.
      Have to rush to get boys to school.
      Talk soon.
      Love, RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22758
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Was nice to see you on chat, I seem to miss alot of people on chat, like little passing ships in the night, i am always excited to see your name on that little list when i sign in, look forward to seeing you again on there.  Know what you mean about the bills, i have a few that are yelling at me from the kitchen drawer!!
      See you soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22759
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hello Aussie Girl:  How goes the ear wax business?  Sounds like a grand time at your new job, but I don’t think I’d be able to stomach the bodily fluids !  Takes a very special person to handle that!!
      Anyway, had a counselling session today.  Group is tomorrow, not sure if I’ll make it though.  Haven’t gone for five weeks now.  Motivation is really, really low, right now. 
      On the positive side though, house deal is firm.  It is a fixer upper, but I know I’ll have it liveable within a week.  The renovations will have to wait about six months though.  We will need an air conditioner immediately though … I’m not sure how I’m going to manage that.
      Hubby leaves for Las Vegas with his dad and brothers tomorrow.  I am more than a little peeved and it has once again brought up a big fat trigger.  Don’t get me wrong, if we were both in good financial shape, I would have ABSOLUTELY no problem with him having a boys vacation with his dad.  But consider the shape we’re in, K, and the fact that this is a gambling vacation.  A little frivolous, don’t you think? 
      On the upside, FIL is paying for everything.  And it is not exclusively gambling, in fact there will be very little gambling time.  FIL has booked several shows, including Cirque du Soleil and a special helicopter trip that will land at the bottom of the Grand Canyon for a specially catered private lunch for the four of them.  Sounds grand, no?
      Anyway, I’d better go and check on dinner.  Have a fabulous, happy day.
      Love,
      RG
       May you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22760
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just popping in for a cuppa and a chat hehe.  So glad about the job, it sounds hectic with your hours, all sounds good for you at the moment, you will get that loan sorted Kathryn, it will take time but it will work out, as long as you are gamble free.  You are, and you are doing fantastic.  I had another close call today, phew!! but i am back home doing dishes and vaccuming instead, have a good day
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22761
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Im just about to head to bed, but felt i needed to post.
      I cant believe how quickly the week goes now that im working full time, its quite extrodinary.  I am feeling that i am a useful person in this world, although i miss the forum a lot as i was here quite a few hours every day. I do read a lot, and weekend chat is wonderful of course.
      Today i went to town with Jode.  My list was fairly short, socks for the boys, a birthday present for Jodes youngest son, underwear for me, groceries on the way home.
      I managed to come home wth the socks, present and underwear, along with 2 pairs of trousers, 4 tops, 3 necklaces, and no groceries!!! At least now my work wardrobe is done, and i will be doing the groceries tomorrow…lol. Dames was not impressed!!
      I have been thinking about gambling the last few days.  Not in the sense that i want to go, but i am starting to panic a little about my 1 year anniversary.  Ive been told that the thoughts can creep up during this time, and i need to organise my self exclusion, i do not want one day where i will be free of it as i do not even want to contemplate the thoughts of going, it terrifies me.  To think that this addiction could once again take me over, and send me back is too frightening for me to contemplate.  I will be ringing both places on Monday to try and sort out a time to meet, im hoping that a Saturday will be ok, if not, i may need to make up a small story to work, and start later.  Im not quite ready to tell them yet, i know i will in time, it just feels too soon for me.
      Anyway, i have a few weeks, but better sooner than later i say. 
      I hope to see many of you on chat this weekend, take care everyone,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22762
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn – one year is a great milestone – and you should be proud of the achievement. That being said – don’t dwell too much on it and the fact that after a year, you might have some thoughts of going back. It’s the same each day – we are all just one bet away from being back where we were whether we are 1 day clean or 3 1/2 years.
      Keep things simple – one day at a time. Great to hear that work is good for you…  talk with you soon,
      Lee

    • #22763
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      So glad you are loving the job.  I would miss a tiny bit of that day at work if it meant you could self exclude again.   Please do it before the date is up if you can.  My heart skipped a beat when i read you had thoughts, crikey, not Kathryn.  I guess you are a bit of an icon here heheh.. I so look up to your recovery, you have gone the distance and you should be sooooo proud of yourself.  Some people never get out of that hole they are in.  Can someone go with you to self exclude again?  I think you are very strong.  You seem strong in character to me, a great person to know.  I am proud to have a friend like you here.  Do all you have to to stay on the wagon girl!!!!  I believe in you.
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22764
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Lee thank you for your post, i do miss my Wednesday chat with you x. P, dont panic…LOL.  I rang one of the exclusion places this morning, turns out they have changed things and i only need to do it once now.  Ive already made the arrangements, the day before my exclusion runs out i am meeting with them, at a neutral place, its actually a counselling place so im relieved i dont need to go to a venue.  We are meeting at 9am, and the lady has already done all the hard work for me, all i need to do is turn up and sign.  Im extremely relieved.  As i dont start work till 9.45 there will be plenty of time for me to get there.  Im organised!!! WOOHOO!!!  The longest i can exclude is 2 years so im taking that. 
      Not much else to tell, i did get the groceries done on Sunday, lol.  Damian was pleased, we now have food in the cupboard, mind you, he didnt mind buying a new lawn mower while we were at it, so my purchases were less than his…lol.  I no longer feel guilty (not that i really did!!!) about my new wardrobe!
      Ok, i really need to get to bed, hope you all have a great day,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22765
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi K, morning here. Wow great progress and well earned congrats on your "clean" time!
      If you start selling candles on e-bay please warn me! I can see the ad now, "All natural, lovely yellow-orange colour, for give the fragrance!"
      Have a great week!
      bettie

    • #22766
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey k,
      glad it is all working out with the self exclusion.  Perhaps I am a paranoid person but I wouldn’t be sharing that with work for a very very long time. Let them get to know you well first.  
      Good to see you last night for 25 minutes lol.  Is the bill in the mail?
      One day at a time girl, will catch up with you one of these days soon.
      Laura

    • #22767
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Just a note to say hello and that it is good to see that you are enjoying some of the small things is life. Your new passion does give amplify a different sound to the idiom "I got an ear full".  And there s money to be made in ear wax; Q-Tips have made a fortune by advising people Not To Use their product for cleaning out ears.  If you find the results of using a syringe interesting, try using an "Ear Candle".
      One thing for certain though, even with my blockage, I hear you loud and clear when you are telling of the benefits in being gambling free.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

    • #22768
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      So glad you got that exclusion in again! Can’t wait to hear how you went as princess Leah.  What a cack!  You and Dames will enjoy i am sure!!! Have fun chicky, you deserve it.  You have worked very hard at being where you are now.  One year in recovery is amazing!!!!!P – Living and Learning

    • #22769
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well another busy week at work, can you believe i have now been there for a month?  Amazing!!  Its a fun place to work and apart from one (isnt there always?) who tends to be a bit of a boss, its all smooth sailing.
      I am all ready for the party tonight, i picked up our costumes yesterday…lol.  My Princess Leia wig is absolutely amazing, not to mention hysterical.  I tried the costume on at work yesterday and came walking out into the waiting room with it on…not one patient said a word, they were proboably in shock!!!
      So i am spending today doing the housework and tomorrow i am working at the market.  Its raining today, so im expecting that it will also be wet tomorrow…yuk, i dont fancy standing in the rain, we dont have any cover so perhaps i could wear my wig!!! LOL.
      On that note, have a great weekend, hope to see some of you on chat,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22770
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sounds like the job is going well.  Don’t worry, my friend, about the one year mark.  Keep vigilant, but remember the strength that you’ve had for this entire year!  Great, great job.  Hey – I was wondering, how did the costume party go?  I was glad you posted to me what you were going to wear.  I may not have gone back far enough in the posts (point me in the direction if you have posted about it), but would love to hear about it.  I’m sure it was a big hoot!  Take care and stay strong!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22771
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Katie Spade!!  I’m posting here tonight because I am in fear of my life.  All week I have been looking over my shoulder expecting to see the glint off a shovel somewhere in a darkened corner.  Part of me wants to believe that you’re safely in Oz saving lives, but another part of me doesn’t trust that you haven’t ventured north to take mine.  So, I’m hedging my bets and posting!!
      Things are still crap!!!  But I’m not nearly as miserable about it.  Acceptance is coming slowly but surely, and for now, I’m immersing myself in the immediate need to do the packing and all the million administrative things that must be done before a move.  The only way I’m keeping my sanity is to believe that eventually it will all turn out for the best.
      Guess what!!  Hubby has taken a desperation night job selling stationery to companies in Australia.  Base pay is terrible, but it’s better than the nothing we’ve been making and it will pay the mortgage.  If he’s good, commission will be good, so we’ll see.  The idea is that he’ll have this as stable income in the short term while he gets renovation company back on track during the day.  It’s looking a bit more hopeful.
      I see that you’re in your one-year month and I couldn’t be prouder of you.  Thank you for a year of laughter, tears, joy, hope and most of all friendship.  You are one helluva lady, chica … love ya!!
      Here’s to another successful year.  You rock!!
      Love,
      RG May you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22772
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Dd, thank you so much for your post, RG when im finished here i will be paying you a visit!!!
      Ok the party…it was fun. My costume was so funny, the wig, oh my that wig.  What surprised me was that Dames actually dressed up, its not his thing so i was pretty impressed that he actually wore the costume.  Quite a few people didnt dress up, party poopers, but there were lots of fluro clothes, denim, legwarmers, huge hair, there was even a rubiks cube, she looked amazing. It wasnt a late night for us as i had to work at the market the next day, but it was fun, my sister and i danced nearly the whole time, leia can shake a booty i tell you!!
      Work this week has been very busy as we are a few doctors short, which really makes a difference.  We have had quite a few agitated patients, but thats life in a walk in clinic, you just get in the line.  I now have tomorrow and Friday off, as im working the weekend, my first one.  Tomorrow is my lazy day, Friday is for shopping, Jode and i are going into town…just because we can.  I really dont need anything, but the lunch will be lovely..lol.
      Well, thats me for now.  Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22773
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      Now the song "Shake Your Booty" is rambling around in my head!  Hopefully it stops before I go to bed!  Great to hear that you had a wonderful time!  I’m sure that you all looked fabulous!  Great to hear that you are enjoying life.  You really, really deserve it!  I hope that you and Jode enjoy your time in town.  Thanks for being such a great inspiration!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22774
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i finally made the arrangments regarding our tax debt.  I am sooooooo relieved.  I have already made a couple of payments and they are happy to accept the amount i have been paying.  They are also willing to stop any interest payments for a whole year so that is absolutely fantastic.  We will have a 3 month review and take it from there…phew!  There is finally a light at the end of the tunnell in regards to this one.  I can hopefully pay it off in 2 years and it will be over.
      I am actually able to start planning our future, in terms of one day being able to have a home of our own…hopefully.  I feel that i have finally dealt with the last thing that has been hanging over our heads, and i feel so much better for it. 
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22775
      female g
      Participant

      so very awesome for you and all due to your determination to stop the gambling from ruining your life and it sounds like its real permanent. congrats to youG

    • #22776
      the cowboy
      Participant

      Well Done K, I am sooo pleased to have caught up on how life is treating you… its nearly a year now, i can’t believe it, where has the time went, it goes to show you/me, everyone that it can be done and that with dedication you can make life changes.
      Well done you……………
      AlPlayers do not continuously lose… They continuously nearly win!!

    • #22777
      meglee
      Participant

      Yay chick!
      Good on you for (once again) dealing with the hard stuff, and facing real life head-on!!! Thats awesome they have given you some lee-way too. Reality always bites……. but it doesn’t necessarily bit ya head off eh!!!?
      You rock! You are an inspiration to what can be achieved when someone really wants to get real…. and give ‘the big finger’ to this addiction!!!!!!! you continue to amaze me ( as does dames, for his support! ).
      Love ya! Love and light always!
      Meg
      (P.S. Aljohn…. caught ya sneakin here…. we will await the update on your thread xxx)
       "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22778
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Thanks for your post.  Ive been on my week long bender and it wasnt pretty.  There was no glamour in being back there.  I am really confused, its awful but i am back here with my boxing gloves on preparing for this fight once more.  You are doing so well in your recovery.  Glad you are sorting out that debt, what an amazing transformation your life has taken.  Chat soon and thank you for your support
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22779
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya Kathryn:  I am a miserable sod, I know.  Really been slacking on this forum.  But I figure you’re busy with the job and all the million little details of life too.  Just want you to know that I’m thinking of you always … and that I am so immensely proud of you.  In a few days it will be ONE YEAR!!  I do hope you have something wonderful planned for yourself.
      On this side, I’m packing like a madwoman.  It’s exactly one week until I move and I’m damned if I’m going to be going nuts on the last minute.  In between boxing and taping and labelling, I’m trying to get my kids ready for their mandatory year-end trip (they’ll be away two nights and three days).  I’m also trying to squeeze in job hunting things.  I’ll focus on that more clearly once I’m settled, but there are some pin*****s of light on the horizon.
      I’m exhausted, it’s late at night and this is the only post I can manage.
      Stay happy and lovely, my friend.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22780
      Anonymous
      Guest

      OMG K!! I’m so excited about your anniversary … man, you are one rocking recoverer!!!
      Seven days in a row … that would be tough, I’m sure, but all I’m thinking about right now is the lovely money you’re making and I’m SOOO jealous!!.  I’ve had a telephone interview recently for a job at a hospital.  Today, they asked me to write a case study.  All this to just have a chance to finally have an in-person interview.  Can you believe it?? 
      Anyway, I’m not complaining.  It’s progress at least.  Please God, let me be working by the end of June.  This has been a helluva road.  I’m not pinning my hopes on anything though, just doing what I must and then on to the next task, which right now is endless packing, packing, packing!!
      The boys left this morning to their three day camp with their school, they be back on Friday afternoon.  Great activities for them … horseback riding, rockclimbing, canoeing and archery.  They’re going to have a blast with all their friends. 
      Anyway, I’m going to take a little nap.  All that case-study writing has got me worn out (doesn’t take much, lol!!)  Thanks as always for your support and being your wonderful self.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22781
      vera
      Participant

      is it really a year Kathryn…not sure of the exact date, but I know it’s around this time…….VERY WELL DONE AND CONGRATULATIONS on your outstanding success……..

    • #22782
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      been a while since i popped in.  Congratulations on a couple of fronts.  Well now that i say that, so many really.  Dealing with the tax thing, tackling each thing as you need to, keeping that positive attitude simply sparkling, braving the world of job hunting and career change,  and of course reaching a milestone in your recovery. 
      I must say, since I have met you I will never look at ear wax or skinny jeans in quite the same way lol.
      I’m proud of you!
      Laura

    • #22783
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I know i know, ive been very slack. Day 6 of 7 have now passed, one to go!!! Ive been so tired this week, not only 7 days straight, but ive had to start early 2 of those days so it knocked me for a six.
      Today i told my boss about my addiction.  Because i am re-excluding next Tuesday i was a bit concerned that i may be late for work, and instead of making up a lie, i felt comfortable enough to just come out and say it.  She was wonderful, said she was proud of me, hugged me and wanted to know all about my exclusion, how it works, what happens if i gamble, she is a wonderful boss and im lucky to have her.
      So i have 1 more day of work and then i will spend the weekend on here, Dames is going away for the weekend so i can sit and post to my hearts content…be warned!!! Im planning to do nothing all weekend, although i do have to go for a bit of a shop…its Breas birthday next week, 19…surely i am too young to have a 19 year old daughter, it just isnt right.  RG, Vera and Laura, thank you for your posts, as always you are all in my thoughts, as are so many here. 
      Anyway, i hope you are all well and happy, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22784
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good morning,
      I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you, for helping me reach a milestone.  I am not gambling today, and i have said that for a whole year today. I am, i think, giving myself a great big WOOHOO.  Because a year ago, i didnt believe in myself, i was an absolute mess.  And now, my life is a whole lot better, thanks to you all.  I can never repay what i have recieved here, i am just the most grateful person that ever lived.
      Special mention of course, to Harry, my voice of reason when i could not see past my own nose, thank you so much H, all the thanks in the world wouldnt be enough for you.
      In saying that, today is just another day that i will not gamble.  Its another day of freedom for me, a bloody nice feeling i have to admit.
      So, theres my oscar post, i hope you are all well and happy, you are always in my thoughts, but i think today, i will apprecieate this site a bit more than i have before, because without it, i dont think i would have written this post.
      Hope to see many of you on chat this weekend,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22785
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear K
      It is a day in your life that is special and you deserve it for the courage and commitment that you have shown.
      You deserve your Oscar. You are repaying all the support that you have received on this site every minute of your gamble free life. I think everyone is enriched by your achievement.
      I hope that sometime over the weekend I find myself in the ‘chat’ with you.
      With loads of love to a very special person
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #22786
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Thanks for the note on my thread. xx
      I am soo  soo pleased for you, what an achievement, but as you say, just another day gamble free.  I wish you continued peace and happiness in your ‘new’ life.
      Thinking of you
      Much love
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #22787
      mike123
      Member

      Hi Kathryn,
      Many, many congratulations.  A real achievement of which you can be justly proud.  Well done.
      Mike

    • #22788
      Anonymous
      Guest

      WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
      HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
      YOU ROCK, KATIE-GIRL!!!
      LOVE YA.
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22789
      colin in brum
      Participant

      An excellent achievement Kathryn, one day at a time can achieve great things.

    • #22790
      paul315
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      Well done.  Congratulations on your One Year Milestone.
      I went back and scanned through your post during this paste year, your life in recovery has been a great adventure. In addition to battling the expected urges and temptations of gambling, you have faced many challenges both on the homefront and at work. And not only faced them, but stayed on top of them, preventing the gambling addiction from creeping back in control during these volnerable times. You have become solid in your recovery.
      To share in your stories of life, and in your post of encouragement to other CGs, has made my efforts easier. Through the "old-timers" like you, I know that I can make it and have a better life. I only need to face the truth and be diligent in my efforts.
      God bless you. Keep up the good, don’t let up during the remainder of your journey.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

    • #22791
      cully21
      Participant

      In relation to your 1 year milstone, I must give you a Wooohooo in my own way Kathryn.
      From Texas:
        YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAWWW!!!!             
      Thank you for your kind post too.
      Cully21

    • #22792
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you so much for your kind posts, cully, i actually laughed out loud cause i could picture you all the way in Texas doing that.  I have finally sat down for the day, i went and did some shopping for Brea, not as much as i would have liked as we are a bit stretched for cash at the moment (roll on my pay day!!) but i think she is fairly spoilt…lol.
      I have made a big pot of soup, its simmering on the stove, ive cleaned and vacuumed (hoovered for all you english!) and have finally sat down.  Im looking forward to some serious chatting tonight!!!
      Larry, im impressed you read you way through my thread, good lord, i do go on a bit.  I have to say,  i did gasp at the ‘old timer’ bit, but hey, ill take it if it means i remain gamble free.  I think, as you already know, that posting to others only reinforces our own recovery, its something i truly enjoy to do, unfortunately with my new job i dont get the opportunity to do so as i once could.
      Anyway, hope you are all well and happy,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22793
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Congratulations on your one year again.  I am so impressed you are like an amazing shining light for all of us to see and aspire to be like.  You are a really great person Kathryn, we can all tell that by your posts.  Fantastic achievement.  Hope i can one day say the same
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22794
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      Ive had a busy week….i went and re-excluded on Tuesday, 2 years…woohoo.  It took all of 15 mins,which was great.  It was the same man that did it last year, and although he didnt remember me, i remembered him.  It wasnt the same feelings as last year, maybe because ive already ‘been there’ and didnt feel the freedom and relief this time, it was more of a ‘well, ok, its done’, time to go to work..lol.
      It is Breas birthday today, she is 19 and we were all up early for it. The boys made her the most gorgeous cards, drew pictures in it, they did a great job.  We gave her money of course, and she went on a lovely shopping spree today, although i havent seen her, but ive been in her room looking at all her stuff, bless her, i think she had a great time.  She bought the most outrageous shoes…white with sparkles on it, just fantastic, and she bought accesories to match…lol, no doubt about it, the girl can shop.
      So thats about me for the minute, work is good, busy, and im tired, but its a good tired.  Im looking forward to the weekend.  I hope you are all well and happy, 
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxx To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22795
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Congrats K!  You have been a great inspiration to me and a true voice of reason when I’ve needed it.  God Bless you!If you are heading in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!

    • #22796
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey K!
      Congrats! I have been pretty well wrapped up in the h*ll of my own making so I have been neglectful about posting to others.
      You have done a wonderful thing for yourself, your family, and your life! Enjoy your success!!
      peace
      bettie

    • #22797
      vera
      Participant

      I’ve been neglecting you too Kathryn. Also Marilee, Nancy, Judy and so many others. I have no laptop now and only borrow my son’s…….Congrats on re banning,Also on Brea’s birthday. 19! wow!…where did the years go? (well we won’t answer that!)……Bloomsday! To celebrate the Joycean character, Leopold Bloom. I’m sure readers are familiar with the Irish genius James Joyce, but I won’t blow any trumpets……..!

    • #22798
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      I am back at day one my new start.  What can i say yesterday was another rock bottom.  So out of control but hoping this is it this time dont think i will go through it again.  Really enjoyed our chat Kathryn thought it was quite funny watching telly at the same time.  Well just here with my latest confession and really hoping i can change my life around this time.  Was ready to do a runner from help but realize i will only end up in self destruction.  I need help and i am here beginning the fight again today. 
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22799
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hello All,
      Its the middle of the night, and yes, im up…not like me but i am!  I went shopping today and i bought a nice jacket for work.  Went to do the groceries and afterwards ran into a couple of friends i hadnt seen for over 4 years.  So we had coffee.   Lovely it was too.  I was cold, so i went and got my new bewt jacket.  Afterwards i had to go to another shop, so went and did that and came home.  I was showing Dames my new jacket when i looked down and realised it still had the ink tag on it (you know, so thieves cant use it). Thats ok i say, ill go back to the shop with the docket and get them to remove it….i couldnt find the docket!  So i rang them and explained the situation.  All was lovely until i said i had paid cash in the do it yourself register and couldnt find the docket.  Oh how the tone changed.  Anyway, i had to take Brea into town, so i did that and went to the carpark to see if i could find the docket…lo and behold, there it was, on the ground…woohoo.  So i went and had the ink tag removed, waving the docket the whole time for the world to see.  Honestly, why dont i put them in a safe place?
      I have also bought some amazing wonder face cream…its called wrinkle freeze..LOL.  It must work because ive seen it on the TV, and everything on the TV is true.  I came home and followed directions, dabbing instead of rubbing, keeping my face perfectly still for 3 minutes afterwards.  There was a little burning there, but just a little.  Anyway, i go and look in the mirror, and guess what…..NOTHING!!!  No change, nil, nada, nothing.  Im yelling at Brea (obviously this was before the ink tag incident) saying "its done nothing".  Remembering it has been on my face for all of 3 minutes.  So i have decided to give it a week and let its miracle ingredients do its work.  You have to use it twice a day, and i did put it on again before i went to bed.  Now being the impatient CG i am, ive just applied it again, because surely if i do it now, and extra application, it will work faster.  Im sure i have " idiot" stamped on my forehead….it may just appear after a week of using wrinkle freeze!!!
      I know all you ladies out there (and maybe some men) will want an update on it…dont worry, i will keep you posted!!!
      Wishing you all a wonderful weekend, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22800
      ej
      Participant

      Good Morning Kathryn…good to read your post…haha..about ur cream ..there should be one for gambling..apply it every morning..maybe our program is our cream..results are not immediate,,takes time….in regards to ur first paragraph when i was gambling I use to cheat on my expense reports or try to scam then in my recovery I realize I have to be honest so past trips my claims were done fairly but sometimes the urge is there …rebel inside me or craving the action or the chaos but catch myself and do my best to walk on the good road….was going to golf at 10 this morning but it was raining so slept for a couple of more hours…me an a friend being golfing for 5 days straight body aches and I am falling behind on some projects so have to learn to say no to him and do my chores or the to do list…didnot realize it was Fathers Day tommorrow wow…in my gambling world it was just another day..daughter wanted to cook a supper so agreed…well keep on trucking and thank u for ur post..Eric

    • #22801
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Well that post did make me laugh.  Oh yes please give us an update on that cream because if it works i want a truck load of it!! hehe
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22802
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, i didnt realise it had been so long since i posted.  The week seems to fly by and then its the weekend, and for me, this weekend hasnt started off the way i would have liked.  I woke up at midnight feeling quite sick, and i was up riding the porcelain bus for hours.  I have spent today on the couch, sleeping, all day and this is the first chance i have got to post, or even to have the energy to open the laptop.
      So i do feel a bit better now, and hopefully will be fine tomorrow.  I, like P, have the kids on holidays, so i truly hope that they dont catch the bug…fingers crossed!!  At least i can sleep in on the mornings for the next 2 weeks.  That will be nice. 
      Anyway, not much more to say, i hope you are all well and happy.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22803
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hello Chiquita:  So sorry to hear that you had a rough night and are under the weather.  Hope you’re feeling much better by the time you read this.  It’s 1:11 a.m. and I’ve just finished hours of sponging and scraping nasty 1980s wallpaper in our upstairs bathroom.  It’s just a border really, but it’s been stuck on with glue many moons ago, so it is quite a task.  I’ve been at it for hours and have only finished about half of it. I could have waited to get a solvent at the store tomorrow, but decided to give it a shot with good ol’ H2O, a sponge and a scraper first.  I was in such a foul mood tonight, it felt good to just lock myself in there and work patiently away at it.
      One does learn life lessons in the oddest places, huh?  There I was gingerly scraping and peeling the paper away and I was amazed at the power of patience and stick-to-itive-ness!  I just imagined myself a monk in a monastery scrubbing away, just enjoying the process and not trying to hurry it along.  In the end, I quite enjoyed it and almost made peace with being in this house.  Eventually, I will have to, you know !  It’s this or a tent in the woods. 
      I learned another lesson while on an escape break from all the cleaning.  I was watching the fabulous Suze Orman, financial guru, and she was advising a woman who had lost a lot of weight, but gained it all back and was afraid that the same would happen with her efforts at budgeting.  She thought that she would work hard and be very frugal for two years, but was afraid she would tumble back to her old habits in time, ending up in the same financial mess eventually.  Suze said strict budgets were exactly like strict diets.  They’re bound to fail.  If you restrict yourself from what you think you love, eventually, you will crave it and fall back to it.  The trick she said, is to not want what is bad for you.  So, learning to not want junk food, or overspending in this case.  I can totally see it with the gambling thing.  It is not about how long we can stay away, but how we can learn not to want it at all.  (May not seem like a great aha to you, but I’m a slow learner when it comes to discipline, lol!)
      Anyway, I ramble.  Do feel better my friend and continue to be gentle with yourself.
      Lotsa love.
      RG
      May you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.– 6/27/2010 5:29:06 AM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #22804
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope you are better soon from that nasty bug.  Oh they can be horrible!  Any news on the wonder cream yet??? I looked in the mirror today and thought, i hope Kathryns cream works because i need a bucket load of it here. hehee.  I probably have these wrinkles from squinting into a damn machine for hours on end.  Oh well day 9 and off i go again.  Heres hoping its for the long haul.  Get better soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22805
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Folks,
      Well, i have all of 5 minutes to let you know that my computer has crashed, died, i have no idea what.  I dont even know where to take it..yes, im a technophobe.  I have borrowed Breas Laptop and just wanted to let you know that if im not here much you know why.  Im almost crying as i write this as i am going to be having major withdrawls from this forum, but believe me, i wont be far away…you will all be in my thoughts, just pray this doesnt take too long to fix!!!
      Ill check in when i can, take care all and stay strong.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxx

    • #22806
      colin in brum
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, well done on your gamble free time.
      "….it was more of a ‘well, ok, its done’, time to go to work….."
      Isn’t that great?  It’s good when recovery just becomes a way of life. 🙂

    • #22807
      tommouk
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Do you think it was the ‘wrinkle freeze’ that made you ill?
       

    • #22808
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive managed to borrow Breas laptop, after a sucky sloppy text message, promising i will look at nothing except this site, with lots of kisses at the end.  Woohoo!!!  Tom, i dont think the wrinkle freeze has made me ill, in fact, i had to go to the doctor as i broke out in a huge rash all over my torso on Sunday and believing i had meningitis (yes, im a drama queen) went flying into work. It was a virus!!! Not wrinkle freeze related at all!!!
      I do think its working as the girls commented this morning, although they might just be being nice…i dont care, any compliments i will take, they are few and far between these days!!!
      Work has been busy, ive hardly had time to scratch myself, which does make the day go fast.  We have all been getting on famously, although we tend to have a 3.00 chocolate fix, not the best for the waistline, but we have now resorted to buying something little to share, less guilt that way!!
      Home is good, the kids are on holidays and Brea took them to a place called Soverign Hill, its a township built like the 1800’s, complete with everything there was in the goldrush days.  There were many photos of the kids sitting in the school, a tent, a church, and there were people there, talking about their life, dressed in the clothes they wore back then.  They had a ball.
      So all in all, life is pretty good, i have a football match to look forward to this weekend, i need to get my laptop into the shop, or god knows where to get it fixed, although last night, with no pc, i got that much housework done!!  I didnt realise just how much time i spent here reading, posting and chatting…LOL.  Its all in the name of recovery i say!!!!!!!
      Ok, enough dribble, hope you are all well and happy,
      Take care my friends, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22809
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope you get that computer fixed soon, dont stay away too long you know you will be missed.  One year on in your recovery must feel good.  I can only dream of some day getting to that stage, but we are all at different stages of our journey.  Yours has been very successful and you should be proud of yourself for it.  You have completely changed your life around for you and your family.  I am sure Brea will share that laptop with you she sounds like a lovely daughter and you sound like a lovely mum to her too, i still remember you taking her to the Brittany concert!!!  and the purple car!  Well my fellow Aussie, i hope you have a good day and i am definately going to have to look into that jar of wrinkle freeze!!!! See you soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22810
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well, tonight the truth finally came out.  There was an unpaid bill, only small, one that i overlooked.  A letter came about it.  Damian rang me at work and left me an extremely mean message, and i barely listened to it.  I got home that night and paid the bill.  So today, im at work, and was checking my messages, and i listened to that message.  At the end of it he said ‘and i know where the money is going’.   I called him and asked him point blank, do you think im gambling?  His answer…yes.  I was devastated.  I came home from work and made him sit down and talk to me.  I gave him all my cards, said that while i was happy to pay the bills, i will no longer be responsible for the money in the account.  The fight began, i told him how gutted i was that he thought i was still gambling, he said that we should have more money than we do (imagine that in a very harsh tone) he said that we should be sitting pretty, i said that i could get all the bank statements to show him, that i was more than happy to as long as he would actually look at them.  I said i couldnt live this way anymore, with this constant feeling that he thinks im gambling when im not, he said that we will never have anything as long as he was with me….hmmm, just imagine my reply!!!
      Anyway, he stormed out stating that he would do a much better job than me, meanwhile i sat on the bed and bawled.  I then came out and said, you know, i think you will do a better job than me cause im tired of thinking about it, worrying about it and for once, we agreed!!!  So now, we are going to find out about financial help, as in budgeting. I am also going to pay every single bill we have this weekend, so next week we start from scratch.  Im so relieved that i dont need to think about it anymore, ive been dealing with the finances for far too long, its time for him to have a turn and see exactly how this house runs.  I didnt really need the stress today, but i guess the outcome is good, and for once we did communicate, be it a yelling communication.  Anyway, there is my little rant, im tired and need to go to bed i think.
      Take care all, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22811
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Kathryn you know you are doing so well, and so do all of us on here. Keep it up and dont let such things knock you for six. You aren’t gambling so you have one good reason to be happy and proud. Its harsh and fustrating when others dont recognise this achievement but as long as you know and carry on in recovery the way you are you can hold your head up high. Yours is one of many inspirational posts on this forum, does Damian ever read them? Have an extra chocolate at work tomorrow, "That’ll show em!!"
      Geordie.If I can change anybody can change.

    • #22812
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I think your post is wonderful, not for the argument, for your courage.  One thing you can be proud of is you are gamble free and when Dames sees those statements and realizes you havent gambled for a year!!!!  He will be sorry he challenged you on it i think.  It is probably good he will handle the finances you have a lot on your plate already with running a household, work and being gamble free.  You have done an awesome job and have always been inspirational to me.  I hope today is a better day for you and i am glad you are where you are at now, you are moving ahead and have changed your life around!!! I am thinking of you and i think you are a pretty special person.  Thank you also for helping me along the way.  You have been a great support.
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22813
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi chook
      Aint the ‘universe’ a funny thing???? Just when we think we have cracked it, and we think we are on-track….it throws us a big old curve ball, just to check we are still paying attention!!!!
      Sounds like that curve ball mighta hit you straight in the guts……? But after the shock of being winded…you picked that blardy ball up…and ran with it!!! You rock!!!!
      As you know I’ve been dealing with a few curve balls of my own. And i gotta admit after the initial shock of it – I’m kinda glad. Its good to be challenged sometimes, to remind us how far we have come.
      As much as it must’ve hurt you – dames was plainly being honest about his feelings. and after years of doubt/fear/lies/suspiscion I can understand his doubts (sorry…but i can). At least he voiced them outright to you – he could’ve kept them to himself for longer. At least you now know what your dealing with. And you will deal with it. Hopefully together.
      Hang in there babe. Keep running with that ball. I think back a year ago to what you two were dealing with (ugh) and how you navigated it….. (yay)! Embrace the challenge – and ‘keep the faith’!
      Love ya loads. Talk soon.
      Love and light
      Meg xxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #22814
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      Well, tonight the truth finally came out. …
       

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Sorry to hear about your confrontation with your husband, but as Meg point out, his thoughts are understandable. It is not understandable to me however, (but I am the CG, not the other one) how he would keep these fears bottled up within him. for you to be as open to us here your life must be as open to him, even with it being hidden in the past. And as Meg also said it is good that it is out in the open, now with honesty on both your parts it can offer new ways to address the future; ways to put down the past and walk on.
      Today’s thought from Hazelden reminded my of your situation, and although it applies more to your husband’s harboring of the past than to your recoveyr, maybe you can see something in it that will also guide you in helping him advance with you in your recover. Your recovery has made you stronger; show this improvement and be strong in dealing with leftover resentments of others. In the reading below, and from your post, I see your husband as the second monk and your confrontation as a way to release and heal unsettled business. 
      According to a Japanese legend, two monks were walking down the road when they saw a finely dressed young woman standing before a large mud puddle. She explained that she had no way of crossing the water without ruining her clothes. Without saying a word, the first monk picked her up in his arms and lifted her safely across the obstacle.

      A few hours later the second monk said in an accusatory tone, "How could you have picked up that lady? Don’t you know that the rules strictly forbid us to touch a member of the opposite sex?" His friend smiled and then replied, "I put the woman down back at the puddle. Are you still carrying her?"

      Like the second monk, many of us are still carrying old hurts, resentments, and lost opportunities that we picked up many mud puddles ago. As long as we remain stuck in the past, we cannot fully hear the inner voice, which speaks to us in the present. Thus, in order to tap our intuition, we need to release and heal our unfinished business.

      By following the example of the first monk, we can put the past down and walk on. See your past experiences as teachings that have guided you to this present moment.  An endless array of opportunities and possibilities lie before you. Immerse yourself in this good, and the old hurts will have no place left to make their home.
                                                     You are reading from the book: Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch  
         
      God’s speed. Stay strong.
      Larry

      "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.– 7/3/2010 3:38:07 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22815
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi K,
      I was just catching up on your posts. You know, I cry about being alone but now i remember why the only males allowed to live with me are nutered!
      Alone is good sometimes! I need to stop complaining!
      But seriously, I hope the storm has passed and the hubby gets to the root of his anger. I suspect some how he has some other "bug up his butt". but this is comming from someone who has a real distrust of all things male.
      take care, still waiting for my custom candle!
      bettie

    • #22816
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      here I am, always catching up.  I am feeling blessed to have had some time on the computer this afternoon not in complete pain.    Going to  have to soon file a complaint with the fairy office.  Those pesky fairies are just not showing up to do their jobs.  The bottomless bank account fairy who refills the account,  my house cleaning fairies have been missing for quite some time. 
      Sometimes those fellows of ours just don’t want to change.  And when we change things just don’t stay quite the same for them, like it or not.  Be proud that you could look Dames in the eye and say that you haven’t touched a penny to gamble in the last year. If he has never been responsible for the money he has no idea how much it truly costs to run a household.  My hubby is learning that lesson as well. So many positives have come out of your "discussion".  Not to mention some sort of financial counselling is an awesome idea.
      Take a deep breath and keep taking it one day at a time. Oh and hope that computer is fixed soon!  Miss ya but understand too that we each have to find balance in our lives.
      Take care K
      Laura

    • #22817
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      It was lovely to wake up to all those lovely posts…thank you so much, and Larry, i love that story, i need to take a bit of that advice myself methinks!!!
      So, Dames is relishing in the role…he has been spending money all over the place..lol.  Im not sure just how long it will be before he checks the account and says to me..where has all the money gone??? To which i will reply.."how would i know, you have the keycard!"
      We are off to the football today, im really looking forward to it although it is absolutely freezing here this morning.  The ground we are off to has a roof so im sure it will be closed.  Ive actually had a nice weekend, pottering around the house, so this will top it off nicely.
      Meg, i do understand how Dames thinks the way he does..15 years of deciet isnt going to go away overnight, and i dont expect it to, hence giving him the keycard.  Our only fights are over money mainly, and i find it exhausting, so im ensuring some peace in this house if i possibly can!!! Time will tell how things go, but if thats all it takes, im more than willing to do it.
      My boys have been fabulous in the holidays…only a week to go until they are back.  Bailey even vacummed the lounge room for me yesterday, bless him.  Anyway, just a little update, thank god for Breas laptop, i would be going mad if i didnt have one.  Hope you are all well and happy.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22818
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K:  Wrote a long missive to you earlier on my laptop and then lost it all.  Aaarrghh!!  On the desktop now, so let’s hope I fare better.  Anyway, the gist of my rant was, it is by bloody time Dames took over the finances.  This is not the first time that you’ve shared that he falsely accused you … it must be so bloody frustrating given all your hard work.  Anyway, relish your freedom, because he’ll be foisting it back on you once he realizes how much work it really is.  Had that happen here too.
      Anyway, it’s past one a.m. and hubby is calling me to have some late-night bacon and eggs.  Can you believe that?  Will try to write again soon.
      Lotsa love.
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22819
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      You hang in there.  You are doing great.  I’m sure that this will work itself out.  The proof will be in the pudding, the bank statement pudding!  Things are busy for me, but I’m feeling good.  Just living some life here!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22820
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Another week down, and it was a busy one.  Work was mad, absolutely mad, with mad people carrying on like pork chops. By last night i had had enough and couldnt get out quick enough.
      I went to Zumba on Thursday night with the girls from work.  For anyone who hasnt heard of it its a hip swinging sort of latin dancing exercise, complete with movements like the monkey, the bird and the tree!!!  Hysterical!!  We nearly wet our pants (i came awfully close on a few of the moves!) but we had a great time.  If we couldnt do a move we just danced around on the spot.  I was pretty good yesterday, but i woke up quite sore today, so it obviously works.  We got a 2 for 1 deal, so we have to go back next week….god help me!!!
      I have a 40th birthday to attend tonight, its a woman i have known for almost my whole life, i spent a lot of time with her family so it will be interesting to catch up, in truth, if i had my way id be sitting in front of the TV watching the footy as its so cold and windy today, but im going to go, even just for a little while.
      I did my grocery shopping last night so as iwouldnt have to go out this weekend, so tomorrow im looking forward to doing nothing!!!  Thats the plan anyway!!!
      Anyway, thats about me for now, take care all, Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22821
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi K!
      Thanks so much for the post. Sorry we didn’t get to chat but maybe soon. Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during that class, sounds like fun!
      bettie

    • #22822
      alice
      Participant

      Oooooo Kathryn love the galapagas tortoise thing! I’m going to google him in a minute! But just to let you know that Paul the psychic octopus has also predicted Spain to win and he did so in just 3 minutes which apparently very quick! So unfortunately it looks like I’ll be supporting the wrong team tomorrow!"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22823
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      long time no see.  Hope your evening out was lovely.  Zumba classes are all the rage here too right now.  You’ll have to shake something for me lol, no Zumba classes for me I’m afraid. Enjoy your Sunday Kathryn.  Maybe I’ll bump into you later.
      Laura

    • #22824
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I think its wonderful that you went to zumba!  It sounds hilarious and was probably twice as much fun with the girls from work!!  Wrinkle freeze and zumba classes.  You sound like you are a new woman, of course, you ARE because of your amazing gamble free life.  Keep zumbaing girl you know its a good pain you are feeling from those at least  hehe.
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22825
      velvet
      Moderator

       
       
      Hi K
      The husband of a friend of mine moaned about her cooking once too often and guess what – he does it all the time now whilst telling her how good he is – I could cope with that.  
      Even if I burnt every shirt I don’t think my husband would complain about the ironing but maybe it is worth a try.
      Have you ever put anti-wrinkle cream on only one side of your face and waited – it makes not one iota of difference.  The side with the cream on is as scrunched up as the one without, however long I wait.   I still put it on next day though, as I am always either the optimist or just terrified as to how bad it could get if I didn’t.    The models on the TV who advertise them are not long out of school – I didn’t have wrinkles then either!
      I love Larry’s tale of the 2 monks and I am going to be using it a lot I think.   So many people can’t let the past go and it eats away at them. You have though and that says so much more about you. It has liberated you.
      Just popped in the say ‘hello’ and as always had to say a bit more
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       
       
       
       
       

    • #22826
      colin in brum
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, well done on recognizing the reasons why your partner reacted like he did.  Also well done on changing things around to stop this happening again.
      I think your post really underlines the importance of telling partners etc about ALL debts/bills etc (please dont take that the wrong way, Im not suggesting you deliberately hid things)  as your story shows an undisclosed debt that later crops up can damage trust that has been built up.  Even if, as in your case, you have been doing everything right and not gambling etc  keep posting kathryn

    • #22827
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ahhhhhhhh…..i have my computer back, i actually hugged the man when he gave it to me, bless him.  The only downfall is that i have lost all my data, no files, and no email addresses, not a 1.  But, those i can get back, im just grateful that i can jump on here when i want to. 
      I zumba’d again last night, it was fun.  The birthday party went well, although i was the only friend there, the rest were family.  I felt sad that none of her other friends turned up, so we had a good time and im pleased that i went.
      I have the next 2 days off, then work 7 straight, and im planning to do not a thing tomorrow, just potter around the house, and hopefully have a little lay on the couch in the afternoon.  Friday is shopping with Jode, something i am looking forward to, as im demanding some money out of the account so that i can buy myself a few well earned treats.
      P, you should try zumba, its fun and there were so many people at my class, its not too expensive and i really felt the burn so it does work.
      Velvet, thanks for making me smile…now i dont want to hear that wrinkle cream doesnt work, as im sure my lines are getting less and less (wishful thinking i think) but i will not give up having a wrinkle free face that doesnt involve botox or anything else that  will cause me extreme pain.
      Colin, yes, you are right, although one small detail was that it wasnt a hidden bill, it was a recent one that we recieved a reminder for, but regardless of that, i agree that all bills should be bought forth to save heartache later.
      I hope you are all well and happy, i also hope to be around a little more now….WOOHOO.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22828
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi K,
      Good to see PC is up and running. I am jelious of the excersize. I hope to work out ((  with out major pain) soon!
      I work with the chio tomorrow on strength training and streching for this back.I’ll have to look at the zumba online. I’ve not heard of that but not that I’m "up" on the latest work outs.
      I bought a cream for spider veins ( i have them on my cheeks) and have used it for weeks. No change! Even at this age (47) I would need just a little powder if I didn’t have those on my face. Could be worse, so I need to count my blessings!
      Have fun surfing now the pc is good!
      bettie

    • #22829
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi K,
      you must be getting ready for your 7 day stint at work.  So glad you have your computer back!  I’m heading off to work shortly but it is Friday thank heavens!  Lol you’ll have to tell me in chat sometime about some of the things you are coming up with at work.  Oh and I forget how many hundreds of ears they had to clean to get enough to make a hairy, cruddy looking candle lol ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  Stay strong Kathryn, you are doing great.  Have a good evening.
      Laura

    • #22830
      female g
      Participant

      hey kathryn just thought i would catch up on you and am glad to see you are well..  Sounds like the ex classes are lots of fun are they like the spin classes i hear about.  I was never much good at those classes better on my own. Went to the gym for over 15 years and it was great.  Will be getting back into a program soon though now that the swim spa is to arrive next week. I am sooo looking forward to it. Love the water and find it easier on my joints. I am so happy you have stayed so focused on recovery. its an inspiration to me to stay focused as well. thanks G

    • #22831
      meursault
      Participant

      sorry for venting my frustrations at you in the chatroom
      Meursault

    • #22832
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      Ahhhhhhhh…..i have my computer back  … I hope you are all well and happy, i also hope to be around a little more now….WOOHOO.
            and,
      Originally posted by meursault

      sorry for venting my frustrations at you in the chatroom

      Good morning Kathryn,First, it is good to see that you are planning on posting more; reading about the good life that being gambling free provides, albeit with less enjoyable events intermingled, is good for me and I am sure others. Keep the accounts of your accomplishments going.Nest, I would like to use your thread to post to Meursault; thanks in advance for the oppening.  Good morning Meursault, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was August 13, 2009. My last day of living a life that I have no reason or desire to go back to; but also the first day of my recovery where I accept the fact that if I was in that life once, that without help, I could return; the addiction still exist, I am only doing my best to keep it arrested.I enjoyed my visit with you in the chat room, your openness as to your thoughts on certain issues was both enlightening and provoking. Fresh thoughts and opinions are needed to help keep us aware of the different aspects of recovery and awaken us from any complacency. However, you might consider starting a topic of you own so that you can share in your life and all your thoughts, more frequent thoughts that will encourage us into continuing and making needed corrections to our recovery, not just those from an one off or limited visit; participate in all the options of GT.God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

    • #22833
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I have a quick 10 minutes before i head off to work. My week and weekend have been busy, i am on day 3 of 7.  Work is work, busy, interesting, sometimes boring.  I have been sitting here thinking, i always craved a normal and average life, i think, i finally have it…..and there are no complaints from me.  Being able to function without those thoughts and urges is nothing short of a miracle, something i never imagined could happen.
      So today im feeling grateful, for no drama, no major worries, no addiction whispering in my ear.  It did try the other night, just for a minute but it was brushed aside as all i wanted to do was get home and have a rest.  I am aware of its presence, but it has been unable to rouse the old Kathryn, the gambling Kathryn.
      Thank you for all your posts, i dont seem to post as much, but im always reading…always!!!
      Just a quick message for RG, if you happen along this thread….miss you girl, come back soon.
      Anyway, i must head off, i hope you are all well and happy, this week im determined to get to you all…..eventually!!!!
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22834
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just wanted to let u know RG was on the chat last night and is ok. I didn’t catch the start of the chat but she did state she wasn’t posting right now but was reading threads.
      Monday-off to work!
      peace
      bettie

    • #22835
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Dont know if you are still about but i am back on chat… took longer than expected.  If you are around pop back on.  Hope you enjoy the rest of your day
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22836
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      So, ive had a huge week, i was exhausted, 7 days is just too long a stretch to work.  Anyway, its over, although on Thursday there was a small drama….. I was in the kitchen, talking to the boss, one of the other girls phone was ringing, it was really loud, to cut a long story short, i picked it up to try and quiet it down and she went beserk.  I ended up hiding in a treatment room in tears, a total over reaction for me.  It took me about half an hour to calm down.  The girl in question came and apologised, i told her it was ok but i was going to cry, to which she said…im going to cry too!!!  So we both ended up back in the kitchen bawling.  Quite funny really, typical hormones/tiredness/all woman office.  Needless to say, her phone can ring loud and proud, and im not touching it!!! Friday she came in with a clown wig and cracked jokes.  I look up to her, she has been working there for a long time and i dont think she realised the state of mind i was in either.  Just a bad day all round.
      The other news i have is that Brea is moving out.  She has found a house, not too far away, and they are applying for it.  Im not sure how i feel.  On one hand im happy for her, its time for her to go and start her new life, her independant life, her adult life.  On the other, im sad that she is flying the coop, i will miss her, we have been getting on well lately, not too many arguements. (thankfully!!)  I have been buying her little things, toaster, kettle, teatowels, all those things we dont think about but just expect to be there.  I think she is super excited.  Im not sure how things will go with her boyfriend, he is still keeping away, we havent seen him for about 6 weeks.  Hopefully this will just blow over and things will just settle.  I dont want to be uncomfortable, although its Dames i have to worry about, he is as stubborn as a mule.
      Today was a strange day for me, as Dames and Bailey are away, and Brea took Harry to the football. I wont lie and say i didnt think about gambling, a day like today used to be a dream, 8 hours to kill…ahhhh.  But i went and did some shopping, got Brea a few bits for her when she moves out, bought myself a little bit of makeup, did some groceries and came home to my heater and my flanalette pajamas.  I know that if i was still gambling, i would have been out the door 5 minutes after Brea had left, and spent all day gambling.  I would now be sitting here, not only with no money, but feeling like absolute rubbish, so im grateful for my exclusion and my very special friends here.
      I hope you all are having a restful weekend, take care,
      Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22837
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Glad you were on chat yesterday.  Right now masterchef is on the last one so i know you will be watching too.  Hope you are having a good day today, had a few urges today, same thing, son went on a day trip with his grandma and immediate urges kicked in, but i am here and safe and watching masterchef woohoooo.. hope to see you soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22838
      meursault
      Participant

      I’m very glad to have chatted to you over the last two days.
      You are one of the many positive people on this site and im glad I have found this place.
      I think i have VTC01 to thank for that.
      Maybe catch up next weekend but since i have 4 children to entertain as its the summer holidays it will probably be the weekend after.
      Thank you
      Meursault

    • #22839
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I enjoy seeing you on chat!! just wanted to say hi, 2 weeks for me today yipppeeee.  I just saw a zumba add, every time i see it i think of you hehe… see you soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22840
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just popped over to say hello and glad to hear that life is good for you. Also wanted to let you know I am a Nanna. Daughter gave birth to a baby girl on 19 July weighing 9lbs 2oz. !!! All doing well, but life has been a bit hectic for the last few days. I am also doing some wedding flowers for a friend for a Wedding on Friday – remind me to say NO next time someone says ‘can you do me a favour’ !
      Son seems well, still in regular communication, has moved accommodation again recently, not sure how, what, why, when and haven’t really had time to ask him. He is visiting on 7/8th August and his sister really is looking forward to him seeing his new niece. She was sad the other evening when she said everyone else has seen her but not her Uncle. I tried to explain that this was because he lived away, but a visit was imminent and I know he would not be thinking for one minute that everyone except him has seen the baby – hormones and all that I think?, but I do understand that she misses him to.
      Well that is my update. Keep on keeping on K. It’s good to read that your life is good.
      Much love
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #22841
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi K,
      Hope things continue to go well but the child leaving can be a big trigger. I still cry when I remember the day my one and only left home, 10 years ago.
      Since ear wax candles won’t burn maybe a nice ear wax statue could be in the works?? I only want 10% for the idea, lol!
      I see u and meursault are friends now. I’m glad.
      peace
      bettie

    • #22842
      female g
      Participant

      thanks so much for the post.  I just read back on yours alittle and see that you are strong in your recovery.  I know its rough when your child is ready to forge their own path.  I have found though that the relationship is better for it in the long run.  and she will want you around on more of a social way and that is fun.G Something to look forward too…

    • #22843
      marla
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
       Really great to hear you’re still going strong in recovery. I see there’s a lot of changes happening in your life but as you know change is inevitable and it’s not really the change that is significant as much as how we deal with it – I see you are coping quite well.
      Sorry I haven’t caught you in chat since I’ve been back but hopefully will get a chance to catch up with you soon.
      Enjoy your weekend.
      – Marla.

    • #22844
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thanks so much for your posts, its lovely to see you Marla, i have missed you on chat, theres something comforting about knowing you are just across the bay.  Looby, im popping over to see you shortly! FG, P, Bettie and Meurs, i hope to catch you on chat this weekend…
      So onto my week,   im not sure where to start really.  We have been raked over the coals many times this week over a few things at work.  We have been walking on eggshells a few times trying to keep everyone happy.  We also had a staff meeting, individual ones, to talk about how we are going at work, our team work isnt up to scratch and hopefully with all our individual input, things will run a lot smoother which will ensure no more raking over the coals.  
      We had to go into lockdown on Wednesday due to an agressive and threatening patient (well, hes not a patient anymore!!)  He threatened to hunt down and kill the boss, which was really quite scary.  In those situations we all band together and stand behind whoever is dealing with the person at the time.  We had to call the police, and once they left we locked all the doors, it was very dramatic!!  The police ended up locking him up for the night, apparently he is a very dangerous man, so we are taking precautions such as walking to the car in pairs..etc.
      So, work done and onto my weekend.  I am going to the movies tonight, with Jode to see Eclipse.  Im looking forward to it,  it will be nice to have a girls night.  Tomorrow im planning to do nothing if i can!!!
      I hope to catch a lot of you on chat this weekend,  ill be around..
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxx To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22845
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Thanks so much for the post.  Sounds like work has had some drama, but, as you said, hormones and an all women office can do that.  Glad you let it all out and had company to boot.
      So, with Brea moving out, you know I know what you are going through with all of that.  Spent all of the last three afternoons with my middle, Krissy, getting her appartment together for her about 45 minutes from here.  She  has lived out of the house most of the time she has been in college, but it is different being there every step of the way to set her up in this appartment.  She seems so "all growed up."  It is a real change when they leave and I still have more to go next weekend, but change is the only guarantee in life.  We all know it is what is best for them, but, they are sure nice to have around!  Glad you talked about wanting to gamble.  You have done so fantastic with it, but the urges are human.  All I can say is that change is definitely unnerving, so, enjoy the time that you have and just look forward to what I call after big changes which is the "new normal."  Things just rumble around and then settle back down to the new normal.  It is all good!
      Hope to see you on chat this weekend!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22846
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi K
      Egg shells, coal raking, lockdowns, boss killing – it could only be a post from you entering a more peaceful time of your life!!  Who needs thriller books when we have K.
      My main excitement this weekend has been our guests showing us their daughter’s wedding film with the hymns and sermon included. Fortunately the wedding reception film is not available for viewing yet or I think I would still be sitting there with glassy eyes held open by match sticks – give me a lockdown any time!!
      Was Eclipse good? I have only seen New Moon so far and think I should have watched them in order.
      I wept buckets as my children left home.   I think your arguments with Brea will be a thing of the past as she realises it’s not so easy being ‘grown up’.   I’m sure she will share with you on a more equal basis.  I know you will be her greatest friend when the going gets tough – provided you are not off saving the planet. xx
      I have just gone back to early May on your posts and I can’t see the reason for Brea’s boyfriends staying away and I don’t think I missed anything. It’s probably old news by now but you know me – nosey!! 
      How is your back by the way? 
      I can feel my eye-lids drooping and I think I am going to let them do what they want as within a short time our guests will be back and I must be ready with a smile. I need to smile anyway as it hides the creases.  The anti-wrinkle creams are working overtime, as I got a few more wrinkles yesterday, stifling yawns during the epic wedding, with the ubiquitous badly behaved child running up and down the aisle. When I went for a loo break the film was stopped so I didn’t miss any – there was no escape.
      Your job sounds fascinating and I am so pleased you seem to be enjoying it to the full. Don’t take any risks though with dangerous patients – you are far too important.
      No good the eyelids are winning
      Loads of Love
      V zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • #22847
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just popping in to say hi!  Think i just missed you on chat  a few times, damn!! Hope you are having a good time.  Let’s know how your old jail tour goes, i am sure it will be a hoot!!! 
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22848
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Dd, Velvet and P, thank you for your posts…now, be warned, im going to have a little rant……
      I am sick, sick, sick and tired of working all day and coming home and working half the night.  I am totally over it today, dishes, washing, picking up everyones crap, while they all sit and watch me do it.  There, i have said it! Once upon a time, i would run to the casino and zone out, and boy has that thought crossed my mind the last couple of hours.  Run, run, run woman, run for your life….when i took my job the discussion was that everyone was going to pitch in, especially the big one (hubby) and hasnt that turned into one big fat joke (im not laughing), but im sure he is, gee, he gets everything done for him, of course he works full time..WHAT THE HELL DO I DO, SIT AND DRINK COFFEE AND WATCH TV ALL DAY???
      Im totally annoyed right now, i feel like a slave.  Im not sure how long this is going to last.  I cant keep doing it, im exhausted, for what??? To come home and do it all again tomorrow.  Lord help me!!!
      Ok, rant over, i apologise but i have no one to vent to.  Work has been good, no major dramas there, i am looking forward to my weekend, it has turned into quite a night, not only are we going for dinner, and going to the jail, but then the girls are going out.   Im staying at the bosses, so it should be fun and goodness knows i need a night out.  Im going to have a great time.
      So thats me for now, i hope you are all well.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22849
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      just finished catching up on the reading part.  I owe you a good post!  But it will have to wait.  Off to physio shortly and my pinched nerve is not happy that I have been sitting here reading so much.  Hope you have a grand night out.  Jail?  why are you going to jail?  As a group?  Anyway, will post soon.
      Laura

    • #22850
      female g
      Participant

      hey K lots going on i see and I share those feelings with you when it seems it is only us doing everything and they are off either enjoying each others company or eating away,  while we are killing ourselves for them  they are there making memories and we are left with the clean up that every one forgets about completly.  Time to turn those tables around and get into the action and just leave it to them for a change right G  its hard to watch the children leave home to forge thier own paths but they will be back and on a much better level i think for the most part.

    • #22851
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Sorry to hear things are quite stressful for you right now.. Maybe tell hubby what is up, he may be happy to help you out at home if you explain it is bothering you, otherwise might later on blow up into a big argument if it festers.. You are doing wonderful settling into your new job, seems you fit right in, having sleepovers at the bosses and going on ghost tours.. good you get along so well.Cant wait to hear how that one goes mind you haha.. not to mention the zumba classes.  I think of you every time i see the add!!
      I hope things improve for you soon.. it is good to vent here, i do it all the time hehe..  like now, havent been able to sleep again arrrrrghghghghghgh!!!!
      Well hope to see you again soon maybe in group or on the weekend hey!
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22852
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi K,
      Hope u had a fun, well deserved night out! Swam tonight and I am pooped !
      Hope to catch u on the weekend!
      peace
      bettie
       

    • #22853
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      What a weekend, the ghost tour was a hoot, and besides being very interesting, well, i did scream……twice!
      I didnt end up going out, instead i went to my sisters and hopped into bed with her.  I realise that im just not into the party scene anymore, i cant be bothered!!!
      I had today off, as the kids had a day off school and i thought it would be easiest to stay home with them.  I have been on and off chat all day, along with housework (ugh, and there was plenty).  I am still struggling with this cold, my head feels full of cotton wool, and im hoping that it goes away…soon!
      Short and sweet today, hope you are all well,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22854
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Sorry to hear you have a cold.. i know what you mean by not being into the party scene, i am not either, sometimes i think i live a bit like a granny.. I dont ever really go out at night and i can be a bit of a recluse.. I am glad you had fun on your ghost tour i bet it was a hoot!!! Having a few urges today but its no wonder really am sleep deprived and missed my meeting and didnt post as much.. well back into it now and just wanted to say hi to you and think you are one amazing chickadee!
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22855
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sounds like there is a bunch going on with you.  I know so much what you mean about those not chipping in to help.  It stinks and makes things twice as hard to do because they are sitting and watching you do it all!  Sorry to hear that it is all frustrating right not.  Good job on not giving into the gambling.
      How are things with Brea?  Did she move into her new place?  I’ve got all of mine out of the house and am finding some peace finally!  I’ll miss them, but am happy for some time to myself.
      When things get rough, sit down and plan some more of that trip to the States.  Float off into Thelma and Louise and take it from there!
      I always find that talking/hanging out with my sister is grounding, so great move.
      Hopefully I’ll catch you all on chat this weekend.  I’ll finally have some time!
      Dee DeeYou can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22856
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      P and Dd, thanks for your posts, i am starting to feel a little better, and Dd, i came home tonight and hubby had cleaned out the whole fridge, pulled out all the shelves and everything!!!  I was in shock…lol.  Now i just have to fill it, it looks brand new….literally, there is only milk and butter in it!!!!
      So Brea….is moving out.  She has found a house, and im pleased that it is in our town, down the other end though, which im sure she is pleased about, we’re not too close!!  The house is huge, 4bedrooms, but the best bit is..it has a pool!!  Im sure the boys will want to live there when they find out, and i havent told them yet.  She finds out tomorrow exactly when she is moving in.  There is still a lot of tension with Dames and Cameron (the bf) and im trying to do my best to tiptoe around the situation.  Im not sure how that is all going to play out, we will have to wait and see.
      So, thats about all for now, take care, Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22857
      kathryn
      Participant

      Terrible, terrible, terrible news.
      My brother law has been killed.  He has a fishing charter business, and had his boat up on the beach and was cleaning it…the boat rolled on top of him and despite the workers best efforts, they could not move it.  It weighs 18 tonnes.  By the time rescue got there it was too late.
      He is married to one of my sisters, and they live in Darwin.  We are all in shock. I have spoken to her, and to my neice and it would have to be one of the most horrendously heartbreaking phone calls i have ever had.  The pain, excruciating to listen to, and being all the way down the other end of Australia, being unable to hug them is just terrible.
      So, my other sister and i are flying up there on Sunday, until Thursday. We feel its best to go now, to be with her now.  I know we cant do a lot for them, but even being able to do the dishes, or sit and listen.  This is the time that family is most important.  My heart breaks for them. 
      So, not much more to say, in truth, what can anyone say to make it better.
      I hope you are all well and happy, talk soon,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22858
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn

      …  This is the time that family is most important. …

      Dear Kathryn,
      I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Your GT family is with you at this time of need, we are here to listen to you share your feelings.  My God be a comfort to you and your family. Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

    • #22859
      bettie
      Participant

      K,
      So sorry about this tragic loss! We’re here if u need us!
      bettie

    • #22860
      female g
      Participant

      that spider story freaked me out let me tell you!!! I would have collasped for sure.  I don’t know if i ever told you we lived in Oz for a year in the early 80’s and we took a trip to the outback From perth to Broom its was beautiful but not great transportation.  We were exchange teachers and from all parts of the world in a old school bus with no air conditioning and temps were in the 40’s Anyway a large harry spider dropped in through the top of the bus on top of the canadians and it was total insanity I still can’t believe the bus remained upright. there were 30 people scattering and it was crazy. people where swatting at it until finally it was dead.  I can just imagine the fear you must have felt yikes.G

    • #22861
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn:  I am SO very sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your brother-in-law.  Terrible does not cover it.  You’re right — what does one say at a time like this. I will keep you, your sister and your families in my prayers.  I know that your sister and niece will take some comfort in having you close at hand. Just having someone to wash the dishes, make a cup of tea, or hold her hand when she feels she can’t move a muscle, will be eternally remembered by your sister.  Just remember to take good care of yourself as well, Kathryn.  Eat well and sleep enough, so that you have the mental energy to deal with your sister’s grief and your own.
      Lots of love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22862
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I just want to say i am thinking of you.. I know your sister will be relieved that you are going there to help out.. It is an awful thing to go through for everyone involved.  You are a beautiful soul Kathryn and you are strong, thinking of you in the coming week..
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22863
      Anonymous
      Guest

      My heart breaks for you and your family Kat.  Know we are all thinking of you.If you are heading in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!

    • #22864
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you all so much for your wonderful posts, they have bought me a lot of comfort.
      I dont know much else, my sister and her husband used to own our local pub, which is the reason i came down here really, i used to work for them.  Today, as i drove down the street i saw the flag at half mast….the local football team also wore black arm bands today for Mark, a wonderful sign of respect.  Their oldest son lived with Dames and i for a few years and he has a lot of friends here, as the whole family did, they were well known in this town, and they are often spoken of.
      Im all packed and ready to go, although it took me hours to get moving.  I have also arranged all Bailey’s camping gear, even though he is not leaving until Wednesday, i had to know that he had all his stuff packed and ready.  I would be panicking otherwise, which is ridiculous, between Dames and Brea i know that all will be ok.
      So thats about all for now, im doing ok, although i cant get my mind off my sister, and i cant wait to see her tomorrow.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22865
      grantlivermoore
      Participant

      HI Kathryn
      I’m not really sure what to write, what can anyone say that can help, words just don’t seem to mean anything.. So from me I just want to say I’m thinking about you and your family this this time
      Best Wishes
      Grant25 year poker player, 25 year Hierarchal fool, 25 year ego boost…  Intellectualisation was my down fall, simplicity was my salvation

    • #22866
      gloria m
      Participant

      Sorry about your loss Kathryn.  Have a safe trip.  She is so lucky to have sisters on the way.  I have five sisters and you never know how much they mean to you until you need them to do the dishes or listen.Winning a jackpot will never be life changing, but gambling compulsively is for me.

    • #22867
      p
      Participant

      Just sending a note to let you know i am thinking of you while you are away and sending you a big hug to Darwin, see you when you get back girl, hope you are ok
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22868
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear K
      I just wanted to join with the others in sending their love and thoughts to you and your sister. It is such a terrible tragedy.
      You have come so far in your life and I know that wherever you are, your empathy will radiate and your support will be invaluable. 
      Look after yourself as well as your sister and return safe. 
      With Love as Ever
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #22869
      female g
      Participant

      So sorry Kathryn didn’t realize that this tradgidy took place.  sometimes i scroll quickly through to catch up and can’t believe i missed that very important news.  Will say a prayer for your brotherinlaw and I know that with you there for support it will help.  You have gained alot of strength in the past year. Thank God you are in a better place to help your family out in this time of need.  God be with you now.G

    • #22870
      meursault
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Its in times like these we learn of our true strengths
      My heart goes out to your sister and to you and your family
      Your friend
      Des x

    • #22871
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Thinking of you tonight Kat and sending prayers and hugs your way.If you are heading in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!

    • #22872
      kathryn
      Participant

      Grant, Gloria, P, FG, Velvet, Jules, Des…
      Thank you for your thoughts, it is apprecieated more than you know.
      I arrived home this morning.  Im not sure what to say, leaving my sister was one of the most difficult things i have done for a very long time, although i know that there is so much support for her there, and on the way.
      The funeral is not until Tuesday, as they had to wait for the coroners report and for the many many relatives and freinds to arrive in Darwin.  We spent the week making arrangements, and they were many.  Every day we had a list of a couple of things that had to be done.  My poor sister, she was exhausted, not to mention so unbelieveably sad and grief stricken.  I hope that we were able to take some of the burden off.
      It was a week of sadness, but also a week of reflecting on Marks life, the funny things he did, the way he drove us mad, but the thing i remember the most is his dancing.  The funniest dancer i have ever seen.  Its times like this that remind me of how lucky i am , how things can change in a blink. 
      Anyway, im thankful that gambling is not one more problem i have in my life, and yes, it does creep in occasionally, but i cant imagine how i could have possibly coped this week if i had been gambling as well.  Im grateful for small mercies.  I hope you have all had a good week, and maybe i will see you on the weekend chat.
      Take care everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22873
      kin
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn,
      Although no words can really help to ease the sudden loss of your brother in law,
      Our hearts go out to you in your time of sorrow.
      Kin
       

    • #22874
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
       
      … Larry, thank you for letting me write on your thread, i dont need a reply, i just needed to get that out,  and i know that you wouldnt mind, i just feel that you would understand.
      Take care, Kathryn xxxx
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
       
      Dear Kathryn
      There is no way that I would not respond to you, when we join this site, we joined a community of others that soon become family; and as you went to be with your sister, we are here to be with you, I am here to be with you. There is not much I can say other than to repeat that I an sorry for your loss; but this situation does bring to mind a song I have mentioned a few times in the past during other times of adversities; and that is "Mercy, Mercy, Mercy". The problem with this is that the song only acknowledges the needs of these suffering, it can not provide the comfort. 
      Nevertheless, I know for me that such songs, poems, or other types of inspirational offerings, and even just getting things out, let me see things in a way that just thinking does not permit. our thoughts of so full of "what for"s and "if only"s we do not let our true emotions do their job. We need to grieve, not question.
      You being with your sister allowed her to start getting questions and blame out of her thoughts and for her to grieve; you were not out of control, your were guiding her to a more comfortable place in her mind. You might not have been able to see it then or even now, but later on when a thank-you from her comes for the most obscure reason, you will know that you were not useless. 
      Like the introduction to the song that I mentioned states; "Sometimes we are not prepared for adversities, … we don’t exactly know how to handle it, … we don’t know what to do …"  But even with these uncertainties and adversities, even with our heartaches, life is good, and it’s adventures provide for much more happiness than sorrow – we only have to live it in a way that allows the good to overcome. 
      I think that Peter Pan would still choose life knowing that pain would be part of the adventures. 
      May God comfort you and your family.  Thanks for listening to me and my babbling, thanks for being my friend.
      Larry

      "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.– 8/21/2010 1:07:04 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22875
      vera
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      I’ve just read about the terrible tragedy in your family.
      What a shock for your sister and her family. Thank God you were able to be there to aid and console her.
      Life sure is one big mystery, but I believe things happen for a reason.
      Only God knows that reason so all you can do is to open your heart to all concerned. And thank God that you weren’t  stuck in some casino when you were needed .
      God help you all . You are in my thoughts and prayers.
       

    • #22876
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, my condolences and deepest sympathy to you and your family. 
      {{{HUGS}}} Sherry

    • #22877
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dearest K
      I am sending special thoughts and all my love to you and your family today.
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #22878
      bettie
      Participant

      Thinking of you! (( Kathryn))!
      bettie

    • #22879
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you all for your lovely posts.  I dont have a lot to write, the funeral was yesterday, and although i wasnt there, my thoughts were, all day.  Im back at work, it has been unusally quiet, we have more doctors on at the moment, so it means that we can see a lot more patients, which would be good if they would come in!!!
      Im planning a quiet weekend, actually, now that i think of it, i have my neices 30th birthday on saturday night…its a slipper party, so at least my feet will be warm!!!!
      Brea has moved out, i did have a small cry, but im sure thats normal.  The house is just lovely.  My boys have already changed rooms, Bailey now has a room of his own, which for an 11 yo is very exciting. 
      So, thats me at the minute, i hope you are all well and happy.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22880
      p
      Participant

      Hi my friend
      It must be lovely for you and your boys for them to have their own rooms!! I understand the cry for Brea though of course you are human and that is to be expected.  Wishing you a good day today Kathryn and sending you warm thoughts right now.. something between a big hug and a block of chocolate!!!!  Hope you are well and look forward to seeing you again in group again, maybe on weekend too..
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22881
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi K
       
      I cried bucketfuls when each of my children left home.  When they visit though it is wonderful and then I cry again when they leave.
      What is a slipper party?  You sure do have some quaint customs. The last party I went to was themed ‘What were you wearing when the ship went down?’   I went as the ship’s log and had to drink through a straw threaded through my trunk but as the costume was a bit uncomfortable I changed later and was ‘bound for the Virgin islands’ but the photographs of that are on a very different site.
      Thinking about you with oodles of love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #22882
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      seems that life is always changing.  Although my posting has been to a minimum you have been in my thoughts.  Have a good evening K.  Hugsssssssss.
      Laura

    • #22883
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, my week has been ok.  Work was fine, no major dramas there.
      I am feeling quite flat, not sure if its because the daughter has flown the coop, proboably more like im feeling, for want of better words, fat and unnatractive at the moment.  I am on a new medication, and i dont know if its causing me massive bloating (wishful thinking) or just that ive put on weight.   I also went and got a haircut, and you know when you think its a good idea at the time??? Ugh!!!  So in general im feeling pretty lousy tonight.  Im also having the big birthday coming soon as well, and i am totally dreading it, i dont want it at all, and im not sure why.
      Ive got a job i love, home is for the most part, happy, money is well, not so great but im sure we will get there eventually, Im feeling that everyone around me is doing really well, and my prospects on the financial front are pretty crap!!!
      So, maybe im sitting here feeling sorry for myself, im not sure what i can do (perhaps shave my head?) to feel better.  I need to pull myself out of this, im a bit sick of myself at the moment, sorry my friends, a little downer of a post tonight.
      By the way, the slipper party was great, my pink fluffies were a hit, although the boys with their homer simpson slippers went off a treat.  It was nice to be with my family.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxx
      ive come back to edit, i have been thinking about things and i realise i feel im at a stale mate at the moment, and to be truthful, i thought things would be better by now, in the financial stakes.  Why cant i get ahead?  Im very annoyed at this, and dissapointed in myself that im not in a better place.  Yes, i realise that i have debt that will take years to pay, and i have accepted that, but its frustrating all the same.  Maybe i need to do some work on myself, so that i can make new changes, to make things better. 
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan– 29/08/2010 11:06:25 AM: post edited by Kathryn.

    • #22884
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn

      …  Maybe i need to do some work on myself, so that i can make new changes, to make things better. 

      Good morning Kathryn,
      It was good to visit with you in the chat room last night, Is is also good to see you posting again about life, even the feelings between being flat and fat — Another thing that most of us have shared.
      A am replying to your post because of your edit; I know that you do not use GA meetings, but try using the theory behind their Step Program, you might find that working the steps will help you make the needed changes for making other things better. Your life is already better by not gambling, and I have found that working the steps can help in the other adventures of living also.
      God’s speed. Stay strong. Use your knowledge and experiences with recovery to guide you through life itself.
       Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

    • #22885
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      I feel u girl. Fat and flat? I’m fat and round! I thought it might be the hormones so I stopped taking them. Hot flashes all week but oh well, this is real life and some things we just have to let go and move on. Easier said than done.
      I felt so abandoned when my daughter left home. If u have no girls around and u are used to having a female counterpart that can be quite a downer.
      I know about the $$. I have gotten a break for a while but it will be years (that MUST be gamble free) in order to clear the debit still remaining from the gambling. Then at 52 i can start saving for retirement again! I doubt i will ever retire but i can try to plan for it anyway.
      Maybe I’ll hook a rich guy, lol!
      peace
      bettie

    • #22886
      meursault
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I hope you are not being too hard on yourself. I’m sure your last weeks of emotional times are all connected to your present state. And sometimes we are blinded to the improvement in ourselves but thats not always a bad thing as it’s important to learn how to live when the sun does not shine and it helps us to flourish later.
      I hope I make sense
      Des x
       

    • #22887
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you for your replies.  I woke this morning feeling much better, feeling as though the weight had lifted (pardon the pun), i think i was just having a bad day.  When i woke up it was like there was nothing wrong at all.  It was a relief, and i was happy that i didnt feel horrible anymore.  I dont enjoy being like that, it annoys me. Im not so good with negative feelings, i know i should just get through them, but its just not an enjoyable emotion for me.
      So, today was a better day, and im thankful for that. 
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22888
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn
      … Im not so good with negative feelings … its just not an enjoyable emotion for me.
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      Good to here that you are doing better; reading about your life is a great adventure. 
      If it is of some comfort, you are not alone in your not enjoying negative feelings; but they exist and we have to go forward and preserver. To continue with Des’s reference to the sun, and to add a twist to a line from another song, Aint No God In Mexico , "If it wasn’t for the rain, we would curse the sun"; instead we can welcome it and rejoice in it’s warmth and light after the storms –  even find hope in a resulting rainbow.
      God’s speed. Stay strong.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

    • #22889
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      This ones for you girl, I am off to zumba!!!! wish me luck, I am sure i will be like a huffing puffing beetroot but gotta start somewhere.. hope you are having a good day and so glad to hear you are feeling better
      your friend
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22890
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      OMG!!!!!! hahahahha, i have to say that was the funniest class i have ever been to.. I havent attended one in about ten years and boy did i have a giggle.. i couldnt stop laughing at the moves, it was just so funny but  a really enjoyable class.. so i am zumbaing along side you girl.. i really hope things are good for you Kathryn and your family.. How are your boys going?  Is all ok?  I miss seeing you post so often here, but i am thinking of you!
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22891
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn (and P) lol
      I’m laughing at the image of a dancing beet root.  A zumba dancing beetroot lol.  Awesome that you are both taking classes.  I would try it myself but don’t want to shake lose a screw lol.  I have to have a letter from a doctor when I travel by air now.  I will set off the metal detector lol.  Quite amazing what they can do these days medically. 
      I’m glad the mood has passed K.  We have all suffered because of where gambling took us, but we deserve to be happy.  I’m sure the loss of your brother in law triggered intense feelings as well.  I’ve been noticing that life wont stop for me while I’m in this recovery business.  I want to say wait until I’m better before you throw anything else at me. 
      I’m off of work for a while but feeling a little better.  I have been swimming and doing physio at the pool and just trying to take care of me.   Right now its close to 40 degrees C with the humidex, yuck.   I got a call today from the insurance company and they are going to cover me again, retroactive to when they cut me off. It was a great big wohooooooooo and thank god.  Will take a couple months to sort out the financial but I can stop fighting.
      You are doing a great job of balancing life and recovery K.
      Love ya,
      Laura 

    • #22892
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, my weekend is just about over, and it was quite a nice one.  Yesterday i spent the morning in my PJ’s, which is my favourite Saturday morning past time.  Then it was a bit of housework followed with Breas housewarming party.  I bought her quite a few things, and i was pleased that she was really happy with them.
      The party went well, although as we had the boys with us we left rather early.  It was lovely to see all her school friends, they are all beautiful girls and it was great to catch up with them.
      Today is fathers day here in Oz, the boys woke Dames up early with their gorgeous home made cards, we all showered and went into town, where we proceeded to spend too much money on the boys.  They badly needed shoes, and Baileys Wii game had been in for repair, so we picked that up as well. This afternoon was spent watching the football, and i am currently cooking a nice roast dinner.
      So, a quiet weekend, but a lovely one.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22893
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi K,
      sorry I missed you.  But by a few hours it seems.  It’s only 9am and I was lazy and slept in.  Just having my morning coffee.
      That was when my hubby’s eyes started to open about the finances. When he had to come along and see how much things were really costing us.  The same as the almost preverbial "how can you go to town for a few things and take hours".  He’s learning that one too as he cusses in grocery store line ups lol   Has been really good for him. 
      Its so nice that your little girl is settled.  I’m not sure what we are going to do with our oldest.  He needs a nudge of some sort, just not exactly sure where to nudge lol.
      Well K, have an awesome week.  Take it as it comes.  Keep enjoying life. 
      Laura

    • #22894
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Another week down, ive just fed the children (frozen pizza, and yes, i did cook it!!!) their favourite and im waiting for my dinner to heat up, perfect time to post…
      I had a good week at work, as always there is one to upset the applecart, and i feel she is quite heartless, feels no sympathy or empathy for that matter and generally doesnt give two hoots, except for payday.  Im trying my hardest to be kind to her, and if she says anything to upset me i walk away.  Optimism is not a word in her vocabulary, and i feel grateful that im not like that.   I would not enjoy finding the bad in everything, its not in my make up to do that.  So, i try and keep happy, and when she is having a bad day, well, i go and do my own thing.
      I have my nephews 18th birthday party tomorrow, which should be fun.  I can catch up with all Dames’ family, they are a great, fun bunch and im looking forward to seeing them.  We are in the finals in the football here at the moment and it looks pretty good that my team will end up in the Grand Final.  There is a buzz everywhere during this time in my town, its really exciting and i hope that this year will finally be ours.  I will bawl for a week!!!
      So, life goes on, i sometimes stop for a minute and look around me, at the kids playing, at the pile of washing, and wonder how on earth i managed to fit in all my gambling.  Its mind boggling when i think of the time i spent there, (not to mention the money)
      I am grateful for the little things, and when times get tough, i am proud that i no longer have to run to the venue to unwind.  Doesnt mean i dont think about it from time to time, but i know what i am, and that is no longer an option in my life. 
      I hope you are all well and happy and hope to see many of you on the weekend.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22895
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn

      … I have my nephews 18th birthday party tomorrow …

      Sounds like a good party. By the way, make two cakes; a smaller one for him, and a larger one with room for more candles for you – Happy Birthday eve.  
      Larry

      Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 9/10/2010 3:03:56 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #22896
      p
      Participant

      HI Kathryn
      It is amazing when we think of the time and money spent gambling, it is absolutely crazy isnt it.. I think you have done such a wonderful job.. don’t worry about that nasty pastie at work, just let her see it doesn’t affect you.  Funny thing about the washing, mine never stops piling up and with only 2 of us you would wonder how this is possible haha.. I go and do mums washing for her too.. My son does throw the entire contents of his bedroom floor in the wash basket, and not in it mind you, on top of it grrrrrr.. clean clothes, toys, everything ends up on that washing basket, that is his version of tidying his room. Still working on that one it is going to take some time..
      Nice to see you posting again.. see you on weekend maybe?
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22897
      vera
      Participant

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATHRYN!
      19th anniversary of your 21st!
      gamble free celebrations only please!
       

    • #22898
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Happy, happy!!!  Thank you for being one of the sweetest people I know AND for being my friend!!!  Fabulously forty … the best is yet to come. 
      LOTSA love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22899
      p
      Participant

      Happy Birthday Kathryn
      Hope you have a wonderful day today… thank you for being here
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22900
      female g
      Participant

      Reading your post is so good to know that we all have to face people who would like to drag us down because that is were they live but like you I refuse to fall into there traps and continue to stay positive and couldn’t be happier with my choice.  so i wish you the happiest of b days today.G

    • #22901
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you all for your birthday wishes,
      I had an absolutely amazing birthday.  I got extremely spoilt.  There was lots of money, gift vouchers for massages, gift vouchers for our huge shopping centre, i have flowers everywhere, but…my bestie friend and my daughter were stand outs.  Jode bought me a huge frame, and she had taken all my photos, as a baby, with my parents, my wedding, you know, basically my life, and made a huge black and white collage/picture of it.  It is absolutely beautiful, she put so much work into it,  the only problem is that i dont know how im going to beat that for her 40th next year…lol.
      Brea and the boys…..they got me a star.  Literally, a star in the sky is named after me.  It is called "Pure Lamperos Astros" and it means Kathryn’s bright star.  Now, you can imagine…i was bawling for half an hour, plus everytime i told someone i would start again..lol.  I was speechless, i have the co-ordinates, i have a framed certificate, this stars name can never be changed.  Words cannot describe how truly loved i feel.  What an amazing, thoughtful girl i have.  I feel absolutely overwhelmed everytime i think about it.
      So we had the party yesterday…Mrs 40 had a few too many but hey, i thought it was warranted.  I had a great time, I actually had a bit of a party with my daughter, she is quite a funny girl when she wants to be. My boys were so well behaved, although they did have a stripper for the 18yo birthday boy, i went and hid with the boys while this was going on.  LOL.
      So this morning im harbouring a small headache, nothing too serious, and nothing a panadol wont fix.  Im pretty happy today,  i actually feel on top of the world. 
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22902
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      How beautiful, i had a tear in my eye reading it, about your own star!!! what  a gift, the sky will never be the same when you look at it again.. glad you had a wonderful birthday it sounded awesome and how nice that you have such a good relationship with your daughter.. happy birthday again miss 40.. so happy for you
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22903
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hello Kathryn,
      I wished you a happy bday in the chat room but didn’t make it by to post it on your thread.  So….
       Happy Belated Birthday!!!!!!!!!!! 
      I had a bit of an accident yesterday but all is ok, the car, well, it can be replaced and I am fine I think.    Wow, Kathryn’s bright star!  How absolutely beautiful.  And you are a bright star, shining a light for those looking for their way through the darkness of gambling addiction.  The path you have made for your own recovery shows that it can be done.  And done with a sense of humour as well!  I must say I’m quite happy that my 18 y/o didn’t get a stripper for his birthday.  Honestly he still seems my little boy and I’d like to pretend that he wouldn’t know what to do with one.  I’m still living in the dream world of a gambler it seems lol.  Well K, I’m going to do a bit of reading.  It is 4:30 am and I find myself unable to sleep.  Maybe see you a little later.  Take care,
      Laura

    • #22904
      vera
      Participant

      Kathryn! I worked with a nurse from Melbourne today. Tall pretty, young friendly girl…spending a year in Ireland and loving it..Got some work on the agency..I was thinking "this could be Kathryn"
      Bed now. 12 hour shift again tomorrow..

    • #22905
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just checking in to say hi and see how you are doing.. I have been having those crazy stupid urges, I did gamble according to GA i bought a lotto ticket, i was disappointed as they said it is just as bad but to me i buy them maybe once or twice a year dont have any urge to buy any more.. i am happy though because it could have been the pokies and it had of been i can guarantee i would have spent more than six dollars..
      When i go to the gym you are always in my thoughts every time i do zumba, haha.. I know i always have my GT buddy beside me in spirit haha..
      Hope you are having a good day today kathryn, look forward to seeing you again soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22906
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good Morning all,
      Its Friday, im heading off for work shortly, so thought id pop in a quick post.
      I had a dental appointment on Tuesday, Colin, you would apprecieate this….i had an extraction and a filling and my mouth is still a bit sore, im actually getting concerned that i may have a dry socket which means i will have to go back and get the socket packed….ewwwwwwwww.  Im happy that i finally, after years of toothache have gone and got the damn thing removed, and that i could pay for it, with cash!!!  It was quite expensive but i cant wait to be pain free, its amazing what we put up with.
      My boys start school holidays tomorrow.  They have 2 weeks off and we are going away for the 2nd week, which will be lovely and im really looking forward to it.  The finances arent great, but there is plenty for them to do that wont cost any money and as long as we can eat, im happy.  My sister is coming along too, so it will be lovely to spend some time with her.  Dames, of course, is looking forward to the fishing!!!!!
      Work has been a bit quiet this week, i think it is because we have extra doctors on, we are able to move the patients quickly which is great for them.  The time goes really fast there, which is good, and we are all getting along well, which makes it a pleasure to work there.
      As for my gambling, or lack thereof, i admit ive had a few little twinges this week.  Nothing too concerning and nothing i could not get rid of in a blink, but i know that there will always be times when the escape becomes attractive.  I have to remember to never become complacient.  This site is great for that, keeping me aware of just how those urges can crop up at any time.
      I hope to see you around on chat this weekend.  Im planning a quiet one.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22907
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      glad you got that tooth taken care of.  It has cost me  quite a bit to try and catch up with the things that were put off due to my gambling.  But then at least the money is going where it should!  It’s Friday morning for me now, evening for you.  I’m having coffee before work too.  I went for a massage yesterday, no not the fun kind lol, hurts somewhat while they do it but was recommended due to the accident.  So my neck is a bit sore this morning but hoping it will hold out as is my first week back at work.  I know what you mean about the little background urges.  Have had a few myself lately.  Along with a big whopper after huge fight with other half.  That seems to be one of my bigger triggers.  A vacation sounds nice Kathryn.  Hope to see you around some on the weekend.  Take care of yourself.
      Laura

    • #22908
      kathryn
      Participant

      I wasnt going to write this post, but i feel it is important, plus the fact that someone gave me a little push (you know who you are)
      My reasons for not wanting to write it are simple…i didnt want the scrutiny, i didnt want to ‘taint’ my outstanding recovery, i didnt want anyone to think less of me, i didnt want to admit that maybe i did something stupid, and dangerous.  So here goes….
      Early last week i had a visit from an old work colleague, she decided that we should go out for dinner and a few drinks for my birthday.  I thought it would be nice to have a catch up, but…she wanted to go to my old gambling haunt, and me, being me and not wanting to rock the boat, cause an awkward moment, whatever the reason, agreed.
      So, we get picked up by the bus (its complimentary, do i need to say more?) and out we go.  We had a lovely dinner and decided to go outside with a drink and have a cigarette.  Normally there is a door that leads from the dining area to the outside area, and it was still there, but when we went to go out it was locked.   Not wanting to make a scene, or to be honest, have an embaressing moment, i bravely (?) decided to walk through the gaming area, it was more of a trot really, head down, no looking, straight through.  Well i did look a little, and noticed that many of the same gamblers were still there, nothing had really changed for them.   A lot though, had changed for me.
      I wouldnt say i wasnt listening to the music, i was.  I could still here the machines ‘singing’, it was really loud. I was so conscoius of everything it was quite bizarre.  I know i shouldnt have gone, i was not in any way testing myself, its not a situation i would readily repeat, i felt almost empowered, i came within inches of a machine, and didnt think once of putting a dollar in it. 
      In saying that, i wouldnt say it was the best night of my life, i was to busy being ‘aware’ to really enjoy myself.  My freind knew of my banning, and when we were walking through i swear we were followed out by a staff member , although it may have just been me being paranoid, but still, it keeps my resolve that i cannot gamble, that i will be caught, which is a good thing.
      I was dissapointed in the venue, that the only access out was through the gaming room, and although i felt ok, im not sure that others would, so i will be writing them a letter about this.  Putting myself in that situation was not the smartest thing i have ever done, i wouldnt recomend it to anyone, it was stupid, i know better, but still i did it.
      So, i lived to tell the tale.  Im not doing myself any favours by putting myself in harms way like that, my recovery is too important to me.  Call it lack of judgement on my behalf, call it simple stupidity, i was talking to someone on the weekend, and i told them that gambling is not first and foremost on my mind anymore, i am living, and perhaps i wanted to feel that i could cope in that situation.  That i was a ‘normal’ person.  That i can do normal things that others do without a second thought.  It didnt feel normal though, it felt very wrong being there, being so close.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22909
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn
      … the only access out was through the gaming room …
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      It was good to log on this morning ans see a post from you at the top of the page; although seeing your opening remarks at the top of your post set me back a little. It is so easy to jump to conclusions when we are paranoid about our own recovery, not only when we feel that we are tempting ourselves with dangerous actions.  Your actions may have been dangerous but your reactions were courageous; you walked through the valley without harm – fear maybe, but no harm. Instead of harming yourself you built stronger defences; instead of keeping this secret, you shared with us, building stronger character. Even though the Biblical passage mentions walking through the shadows of death without fear; your fear is understandable, you were not in the shadow, you were on the cusp of a death to your sobriety.
      Letting us know of the care we must take when we are out in the world, in the mist of the daemons, not only is a benefit to all here, it also reinforces your awareness of your recovery program and how you must continue to work it’s principles on a daily bases.  We all react differently in facing the world and being in situations that would harm us; some may have succumbed to the temptation, some would have not even felt the fear and just past through as passing through any environment that they had no interest in. But the fact remains that no matter how we react to such situations; the only exit from our compulsive addiction is to pass through our own gambling rooms – we have to pass through, keep aware, and keep going.
      You did good. God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #22910
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kath,
      On the one hand, walking through the fire to get out and keep going was brave. I don’t know if I could do that, heck who am i kidding? I COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT!
      People in AA have to go where booze is in abundance, store, gas station, etc, Many do just fine. I can’t imagine it.
      On the other hand K, please watch out for a trigger there, a repressed "happy " gambling moment hidden in the back of the brain that pops up when you least expect it.
      Knowledge is power!
      peace
      bettie

    • #22911
      meursault
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Your post should have come with one of those labels " please do not try this at home ".
      And you are right, it maybe was not the smartest move to go to that place and i’m sure you will learn from that experience and say " no " next time. Better to rock that boat than sink your ship.
      I’m smiling after reading your post and think you have done fantastically well. There are situations we can avoid but there will be ones that will just  happen and prepared you will be.
      Meursault x

    • #22912
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn,
      Don’t beat yourself up, like Bettie says anyone with an addiction has to come face to face with the tools of the addiction at some point in their lives. I still go to the pubs where the fruit machines were once a big part of my life and yes you are right, you are very very aware that they are there but its how we deal with these situations that aides our recoveries and you did that very well. Maybe you suggest the venue next time ;o).
      Cheers
      carlMy soul is back

    • #22913
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Well K, all I can say is you’re miles and miles stronger than I am.  I would NOT have been able to keep walking.  It would have been the perfect excuse to succumb.  So kudos, my friend.  You’ve proven once again that you are championship material. As for "tainting" your recovery, that’s just silly.  You show that you’re strong enough to overcome unforseen circumstances.  Do be on guard though, there’s addictive poison in the air there!!
      Anyway, I’m sure you’ve just gone on you merry way this week and brushed the whole thing aside.  At least I hope that’s what you’ve done.  You’re heading into summer and you have far too much to look forward to.
      On my side, I’m in such a bloody good mood, it scares me.  At the end of this third week on the job, I’m loving it and seeing gobs of opportunity.  If I play my cards right, I may just be able to create an awesome job for myself doing social marketing.  It’s SO exciting, I’m taking to it like a duck to water.
      Hubby also just landed a big renovations contract.  He’s lining up his guys to get a move on maybe as early as next week.  He’s going to keep the crappy night job for a while though.  We’re extremely cautiously optimistic … can’t take any chances of slipping backwards financially.
      On the gambling side, I’ll be coming up on three months in early October since my last slip.  I’m wary, as Vera pointed out, of money coming in.  In the short term, it will be fine because I have MUCH catching up to do.  But then, I’m going to have to be on my guard, BIG TIME!!
      Well enough of this blather.  Hope all is well in the sunny land of Oz. I’ll look for you on the weekend on chat.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22914
      colin in brum
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn a belated happy birthday from me.  Well done on not gambling in a very tempting situation.  I hope that you havve learnt from this andif the situation repesated then you would veto the venue and go somewhere else.  Apart from anything else as you have found it stopped you from enjoying the occasion fully anyway.
      If your friend is really a friend then they will be more than happy to go elsewhere.  Especially asd they know of the situation.
      I hope you enjoyed the rest of your birthday.
       

    • #22915
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Now, i know you dont understand our Aussie Rules football, but i have to vent……today was the Grand Final…THE game, the one we have waited for for the last 44 years.  It was amazing, mind you, i couldnt watch much, i was too nervous, needless to say, my bathroom is spotless, all the washing is done, the house is immaculate!!!
      Dames couldnt watch either, we were down all day, and i mean ALL day, and then, a miracle, we came back.  It is such a fast paced game, that the lead can change a lot of times in a match.
      So, im hiding in the bathroom, Dames is hiding in the shed (lol) and i finally have the guts to come and watch the last few minutes….turns out, it was a draw.  This means that we have to do the whole thing over next week.  I dont know if my heart can take it, if i never come back you will know it was death by football!!!
      Dames comes in and asks…’what did we lose by’ and i say, its a draw, we are in stunned silence, there were 100,000 people at the ground watching and you could hear a pin drop when the final siren went.
      Personally, i think we will come back and kick a$$ next week, at least i hope so.  If we keep drawing like this, the grand final could go on for the rest of the year (now, that would be a hoot) but i would definitely have to have the shock paddles at the ready!!!!
      Hope you are all having a great weekend, may catch some of you on chat.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22916
      bettie
      Participant

      Death by football! I love it!
      bettie

    • #22917
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, I thought of you when I read Bettie’s post about dinner out with the ex.  Wasn’t it you who told a story about a wedding dinner where there was a very entertaining and colorful encountrer between someone in your family?  Of course I can’t remember the details (was it about your step-mom) except you (if it wasn’t you…sorry) told it in such a great way that I knew it could easily be anybody’s family.
      Good for you in being so strong about walking through the casino without gambling.  You passed the test. There will be events and places that won’t be somewhere we should be but, when it happens, I hope we can all be as strong and smart as you. You’ve come a long way baby!  Good for you!
      Happy belated birthday.  You’re still so young!If you want to know your past; look into your present conditions.If you want to know your future; look into your present actions.~Roy Mathews

    • #22918
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Just a quick note to let you know that i am away for a week, we are taking the kids to a lovely place, to swim, to play, walk on the beach and most importantly, for me….to relax.
      Hope you all have a good week, and i will catch up when i get home.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22919
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a wonderful week. Did nothing but eat and sleep, the perfect holiday……for me anyway!!!
      The kids were a joy, my sister joined us for a few nights, which was just lovely.  Im so glad we went, it would have to be up there as one of the best holidays i have ever had.  Dames did nothing but fish, fish, fish, and never caught 1…..lol.  10 points for trying though, bless him!!!
      Im looking forward to chat this weekend, hope to catch some of you there.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22920
      female g
      Participant

      One thing I know about Aussie rules is there are alot of hot guys running around in short shorts lol.  Just kidding never follow sports of any kind but if this keeps up you sure will have the cleanest house on the block. lol. Glad the holiday was as wonderful as it sounded.G

    • #22921
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, we lost the Grand Final, to say im gutted would be an understatement.  We didnt just lose, we were absolutely thrashed.  Funny, i feel like i just walked out of a venue after losing every cent i owned…never thought anything else could make me feel that way.
      It also makes me feel a bit stupid, but we get very involved in our football team, i love them and im really sad for them. Dames and i are flat as tacks tonight, and although there is nothing i can do about it, by god i have been through worse, as most of you know…lol.
      Plus theres always next year!!!!
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22922
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey K:  Thanks for your post on my thread.  I am very annoyed with myself for not being stronger. My husband has never actually initiated this before (going to the casino that is), so while he’s been insensitive, it’s not something I’ll have to work on as a new issue.  I think he shocked himself with his own lack of control.  For once, I wasn’t the one who had broken the bank, it was him.  Although he still found a way to blame everything on me. 
      You’re right, I won’t be sorry, I will be smarter.  At the end of it all, while I am shattered by the loss of money, I can still see the progress I’ve made in the past two years.  I’ve gambled much less this year than in a long time, and while my behaviour is not optimum, I won’t besmirch my progress with negativity.  I’m not letting myself off the hook, but spiralling into a depressed, self-flagellating fiend only serves to bring me down, and eventually give myself permission to go more often.  So … one more slip, but this is where it will have to stay.  There will be no binge … no relapse. 
      On the up side, I’ve just returned from the hair salon and I’m feeling SASSY!!!!  I’ve so missed pampering myself in this annus horriblus.  That is another reason that I can’t believe my weakness.  I’ve suffered so financially due to the economy, you’d think I’d have more respect for money.
      I’m sorry that your lads lost.  I know the feeling of having your team lose.  I know the hole in the pit of your stomach, the wanting to cry, the bitterness at the celebrating opponents.  But … this too shall pass.  There is ALWAYS next year 🙂
      Love and thanks.
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22923
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey K,
      sorry we seem to be missing each other lately.  But I have finally decided on a car and put down the deposit. Wohooo no more car shopping!! I will pick it up later this week hopefully.  Other than that my house is a mess, the laundry is behind, I’m ready for a vacation and tomorrow is Sunday already.  But I keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Same as you as you made it through the game room.  One step at a time.  Be proud honey.  Glad you had an awesome relaxing vacation. Talk soon,
      Laura

    • #22924
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, tomorrow im back to work, after my week of rest, and boy…do i feel rested.  It was a lovely break but i am looking forward to work tomorrow, and seeing my friends.  I truly enjoy going every day which i feel is a blessing.
      The boys are back at school also, and they are ready (im not sure about rearing) to go…but i am.  We have started daylight savings as of last night and it was lovely to see the sun go down so late as the day was really warm and beautiful.  I did a lot of cleaning this weekend, changing things around, dusting (nightmare as i live on a dirt road) but it is done and im pleased with it.  I found some great photos, changed frames around, and i feel like i can go to work tomorrow knowing my house is nice and clean.
      I cant remember posting so much as i have this weekend, and ive enjoyed every bit.  It was lovely to have the time to read and post, as always, this place keeps me focused.
      Anyway, i just wanted to post before i go to bed.
      Take care my lovely friends, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22925
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      … I cant remember posting so much as i have this weekend, and ive enjoyed every bit. ..
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

      Good morning Kathryn,
      You may not remember, but I can remember reading the many post you have made, Reading about your life, your overcoming the urges and struggles, and your enjoying the things that being gambling free brought you, is one of the ways that helped be carry on, helped me know that there was a better life and that I did not have to give in to any urges.
      Keep enjoying your blessings every day. Keep posting whenever and as mush as you can; your post are still an enjoyment to read and they still help me.
      God’s speed.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #22926
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Dear K
      It has been far to long since I wrote to my dear Aussie friend but I think she deserves to hear some good news after her recent football disappointment.
      My grandson arrived in Sydney last night (UK time) to teach cricket in a private school.  So forget the footie – at least with a British coach the Australian cricket will improve xxxxxxxxx
      I had better leave it there before the wallabies get thrown across the ocean.
      ‘Tainted’, ‘think less of’ – these are not the words that spring to mind when I think of you. Whoever it was who gave you the push, I am glad they did. You are one hell of a fantastic woman and probably more so because of what you have been through. I take my hat off to you. (well I would if I had one on xx)
      Loads and Loads of Love to someone who always makes my day happier
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #22927
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Just popping in to see how u are. Thanks for the weekend chat, always a pleasure to see you.
      You inspire me.
      peace
      bettie
       

    • #22928
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey All,
      2 things happened today…1, i became a great aunty for the..hmmmm, 21st time (happy 21st to me!!!)…a little girl, named Heidi.  Im planning on visiting on Friday for a cuddle!!
      2nd thing…we had a huge and i mean huge storm tonight.  I got home from work and to my surprise Dames had taken the washing (there was a lot) off the line before the rain started.  No, that is not it, although it is a miracle in itself.  When i went out to my back room the washing basket was in there, full of clothes.  The rain was pouring down, havent seen rain like that for a really long time.  What happened was that the exact spot Dames had placed the washing basket, there was a little leak in the roof, and the whole basket of washing was drenched.  Now, if i was a betting woman, i would have bet that the chances would have been 1 in 1000. 
      Lucky im not a betting woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Have a great day all,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22929
      bettie
      Participant

      K,
      Good thing the clothes were there to catch the water, saved you from mopping up! lol!
      What a thoughtful guy!
      peace
      bettie

    • #22930
      finding_laura
      Participant

      lol
      shame on me for getting behind but still a good laugh days later.  No other damage in the storm I hope.  It is fall here now, getting things settled for the winter.  Hoping it is a late one again this year.  My goodness that is a lot of great neices and nephews.  When we  think about there really are so many more well deserving places for our time to go.  Like 21 great nieces and nephews lol.  Happy Thanksgiving K!  Hugssss from around the world.
      Laura

    • #22931
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      My week so far has been full of ups and downs.  We recieved a large sum of money from our government, which has taken a lot of stress out of the finances…thankfully.  We have had a lovely dinner at my daughters tonight, which was great.
      Then i came home, and found out that my 11yo son has done something.  Something bad, something that took us over an hour to get out of him.  I am totally out of my depth here, i dont know what to do.  I have to deal with it now, before it snowballs and we will never be able to fix it, but the consequences of his actions may be very, very severe.  Never the less, i have to do this FOR him, whether he realises it or not.  I feel sick, physically sick about what is going to happen tomorrow.  He is my baby.
      I am off to Melbourne this weekend for some r&r with Jode. We are going to see Mary Poppins.  After what has just happened, im not sure just how much i am going to enjoy it.  I feel i am responsible, my not being here enough, not spending enough time with him, spending all my time gambling,  i could scream.
      Anyway, just wanted to get that down.  I cant tell anyone else, and i mean no one.  This is one that stays in the family.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan– 13/10/2010 11:22:00 AM: post edited by Kathryn.

    • #22932
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sorry to hear about the family issue, I’ll say a little prayer for you and yours, sometimes I think it means a little more coming from sinner, who knows?
      I have found in my own case anyway, when a crisis hits we find strength we never knew we had.
      You are strong K, don’t forget that.
      peace
      bettie

    • #22933
      alice
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      First of all congratulations on the arrival of your new great niece. I thought I had lots of nieces and nephews with 7 of them but 21 great nieces and nephews wow! Mind you in 30 years time if all my nieces and nephews have 3 children each I’ll have 21 great nieces and nephews too won’t i?! Did you visit her on Friday? Is she very cute? My youngest nephew turns 6 months old next week. He is very cute. I’m going to visit my sister a week on saturday and she has 3 children. They are 6,4 and 2 years old. they never fail to make me smile and laugh.
      As for your son, I can’t imagine what you are going through. I don’t know what it is he has done but I’m sure with your love and support him and all of you involved will be able to move forward from it. I think one of the most important things in these situations is to keep the lines of communication open. Talk with your husband, family you can trust and your of course your son. I wish you all the luck.
      Alice x
       "Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22934
      alice
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn how did it go with son and his school the other morning? hope you are well. remember you can get through this tough time. you have been through a lot and you can continue to do so. we’re here for you x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22935
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I am back from my weekend away with Jode. Friday night we went and saw Mary Poppins, it was absolutely, positively supercalafragalisticexpielidiocious!!!!!  It was an amazing show and i loved it.
      Sat was spend shopping, shopping, shopping….we were that tired by the end of it we were crying with laughter over nothing, so back to our little apartment for a nanna nap before going out for dinner, which, by the was was at a trendy, chic little bar in Melbourne, not like me at all!!!  We had a great time.  Got home safe and sound, kids nearly bowled me over (i had presents of course).
      Back to work tomorrow, i do have wednesday off, its a public holiday so that will be nice and i dont need to find a sitter for the kids.
      As for my boy, i think things will work out.  We have, along with the school, put a plan together to try and address a few things, at this stage im willing to do anything.
      Well, thats about it for now, i hope you are all well and happy.
      Take care, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22936
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I am back again and trying once more.. i am glad to hear you went to mary poppins that would have been great.. sounds like Jode is a really great friend to you too and someone you can really rely on.. glad you are having a bit of fun and things are working out a bit better (just caught up on your thread) good news on the money coming in too wahooo.  i am sure that would have helped a bit.. thanks for the support too for me..
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22937
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi K
      I cannot imagine having a wee boy with a better mother for understanding him than you. You have overcome so much yourself.
      I am sure you will work things out.
      It certainly is good news getting some money at this time.
      With loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #22938
      alice
      Participant

      hey it sounds like you’ve had a great weekend! I’m jealous, i really want to see mary poppins but it doesn’t seem to be on in london anymore.
      glad things are working out with your son.
      have a good week
      alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22939
      vera
      Participant

      glad to read about your weekend of fun Kathryn. What a change from gambling! Did Jode ever gamble?
      I hope things level out with your son. Believe me I know what is like to have a "wild one". I held my breathe for years…even now ( he s 21), I never know what I’ll hear next.
      When there are long silences and no contact from him its even worse..he no longer lives at home.
      Sometimes I think my heart will stop when I think of all he could be up to…
      Evertry praying?
      It sure helps me to "hand it all over". There is only so much we can do for our children. And sometimes it’s not enough. Especially the moms!!
      If you were gambling you would blame that, so one up for you this time!
      We need to teach them to be responsible for there own actions.

    • #22940
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      To answer your question Vera, Jode has gambled but doesnt enjoy it one little bit!
      I had the day off today, we have a public holiday for a horserace…unbelieveable right???
      I spent today cleaning the house, Harry went out but Bailey had to stay home…he is grounded at the moment.  He’s actually been really good about it, with what has happened, he is taking it really well.  He’s not usually so accepting.  I am waiting to hear from the school, about making an appointment for him to see a counsellor.  Im really concerned about him, and im eager to start this, im hoping it really helps him, and i might get some ideas to help him too.
      Work…hmmm, we had an interesting day yesterday.  I swear, its better than Days of Our lives in there..drama, drama, drama.  There is always something going on but what happened yesterday, well, i still cant get my head around it.  Im not willing to say too much, just in case….still, it will be an interesting day tomorrow for sure.  Im just glad im not in the middle of it.
      Thats about all from me now, thankfully i havent had any real urges, i hope you are all well and happy,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22941
      alice
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      I’m glad your son is co-operating with the grounding. Hopefully you’ll hear back from the school regarding counselling for him. I know it’s a worry for you when your children don’t seem to be happy or when there are problems but I’m sure you will get him through this period just fine. You love him and I’m sure he knows that you do and with the help and support you are offering him along with the school he will surely move forward.
      Wishing you a good day
      alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22942
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Was nice to see you on chat after I have not been here for so long, seemed like an eternity for me.. having a little posting frenzy today like i used to so maybe this is a good sign… hehe, ate a huge amount of chocolate and looking up courses i want to study.. so think things may move forward soon when i get some cash to pay for the course, may take a little time but i will get there.. hope all settles for you soon too and you are having a good day.
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22943
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Just a quick post, im so tired.  Ive done 4 days of a 9 day stint, not sure if i will make it to Friday!!!
      Dames’ car has broken down, the curse he calls it..lol.  Im just thankful we have some money to pay for it, i dont know whats wrong, but im sure its going to cost!!  He truly believes that the gods are against us.
      Well, thats about all the energy i have.
      Take care all, Kathryn xxx

    • #22944
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      It was so great to chat with you and all this weekend.  How fun!  I’m getting ready for my trip.  I leave tomorrow and get back Monday evening.  I’m working from home today so I can finish up some things before I go.  I don’t feel tempted right now to hit the casino on the boat.  Oddly enough, I’m liking me well enough right now to not want to punish myself or escape.  One day at a time.  I hope the car is not too costly.  I just hate car trouble!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22945
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope you find some well deserved rest at the end of your nine days on.. my day 3 today, my last chance… this is it.. doing my all though i can tell you and go for my first counselling session tomorrow.. hope to see you in chat sometime soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22946
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey All,
      I am sooooo glad this week is over, im not sure i have ever been so tired.  Its a good tired though, my eyes are really sore, it reminds me of when i used to gamble, going home with my "pokie" eyes, sore and watery, 2 spoonfulls of jam as Vera once put so well.
      Im looking forward to tomorrow, to do nothing, nothing, nothing….well, not so much nothing, but nothing planned.  I just want to potter around the house, its meant to rain, they say as much rainfall in 1 day as in a month, so outside activities will be out of the question.
      I dont have a lot more to add, ive just been working. We now have 1 less staffmember, so we are kept on our toes, which i have to say is enjoyable, theres not so many lulls anymore and i think we have finally all come together as a team and we are running like a well oiled machine (well, almost) but we are pretty close.
      Kids are all good, i have to catch up with my girl this weekend, ive missed her.  The boys have a new game (thanks to their father) and are playing wrestling on the playstation as we speak.  All i can her is the occasional yell and quite a few thumps.
      I hope you are all well and happy, take care and hope to see you on chat this weekend,
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22947
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi K,
      Just checking in. Hope your weekend is restful. Do you celebrate Halloween there? I saw on the tv where Ireland started the Jack-O-Lantern tradition by putting candles in turnups to scare off evil spitits.
      Wonder if they were ear wax candles??
      Hope to catch u on the chat this weekend!
      peace
      bettie

    • #22948
      finding_laura
      Participant

      LOL Bettie and ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww  (is it true Vera?)
      Hey wonderful miss K, checking in to see that you have survived your killer work schedule.  I have been off last few days but don’t know where the time has got to.  I’m so hoping to go back to work on Monday completely organized.  Well there is what they call wishful thinking!  Have an awesome weekend and hope to bump into you this weekend.  Sweet dreams.
      Laura

    • #22949
      colin in brum
      Participant

      One of the beneits of not gamlbing is having that cash available when things like the car need repairing.  Don’t overdo the work Kathryn, have a good weekend

    • #22950
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey All,
      thank you for your posts.  I did have a restful weekend, my biggest outing was to do the grocery shopping.  I cooked, baked, cleaned, slept and i feel quite rejuvinated.
      Im just about to head to bed, but just wanted to send you all out my best wishes and thoughts.  I feel very blessed to have such wonderful people in my life, people i consider to be my friends.
      Take care , Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22951
      sherry123
      Participant

      I’m happy to read your life is good and normal.  Also glad you got the rest you needed!   Your post is a great example of the way weekends should be spent…not wasted you know where.  Many blessings to you.If you want to know your past; look into your present conditions.If you want to know your future; look into your present actions.~Roy Mathews

    • #22952
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Glad you got some rest… and took it easy for a change.  Was so nice to see you on chat, hope to see you again in a group soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22953
      bettie
      Participant

      Well Kathryn,
      Congrats on the promotion from CG to FACALITATOR!!!
      What a Treat! 1 whole hour of Kathryns wit wnd wisdom!
      I am like a proud mom! lol!
      U go Girl!!!!
      bettie

    • #22954
      alice
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      It was good to see you in earlier today and thanks for listening to me rant! Hope you’re doing good,
      Alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22955
      flowers
      Participant

      you send out  positive vibes and that parallels back to you keep it up
              flowers

    • #22956
      starrlet21
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Hope all is welll with you. Talking with you over the weekend really helped me focus and not let myself fail. You’re definitely an inspiration to us that are just starting.
      Just wanted to drop in and say a quick hi and thanks for your post on my thread. Knowing someone else understands is a huge help.
      Talk to you later in a meeting or in chat!

    • #22957
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just popping in to say hi and hope your day has gone well, i will pop on and off weekend chat so i hope to catch you there at some stage
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22958
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      Firstsly, Flowers, it is wonderful to have you back!!!
      Ive had a mixed bag of a week, i had a meeting with the counsellor for Bailey, it went really well and i feel positive that we are going to get him the help he needs.
      My trip to America is postponed, it looks like we wont be going for a couple of years but it will give me time to save more and we will be able to go 5 star all the way!
      Work has been good, we were a little short staffed this week but we worked well together and everything went smoothly, well, most of the time.
      Dames has gone up to his mothers for the night, he has been promising her for a while.  Harry has a birthday party today, and apart from that i will be pottering around the house. The weather is divine, perfect for drying washing!!
      Well, ill be around on chat this weekend, hope to see some of you here.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22959
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      Sorry to hear the trip to the States has been postponed!  It would have been fun had we been able to cross paths!
      Sounds like things are on the move with you all.  Glad to hear that you’ve talked with the counselor with Bailey and that things are progressing. 
      I’m back from my trip and finally starting to feel rested and getting caught back up at work.
      Looks like I missed you and P on chat.  Hope to catch you all this weekend.
       You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22960
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey K,
      good morning for me and good evening for you!  Selfishly I’m not quite sorry that the trip has been postponed for a couple years.  Will give me a slim chance of having enough money to meet you in the states somewhere for a quick visit!  Who knows!  Hope your Monday wasn’t too rough.  Getting ready to start mine.  We are due for a really good coffee together I think.  Take care, you are never far from my thoughts my Aussie friend.  Glad things went well at the school with Bailey.  Our kids can be the heartbreaker.  The rest of life seems a heart cracker.  Take care miss K. 
      Laura

    • #22961
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ola Chiquita!!! It’s been SOOO long since we’ve chatted.  Glad to hear things are well with you and that you’re getting Bailey what he needs — bless his little heart!! Poor thing must be quite traumatized. 
      On this side, I’ve been busy with my boys too.  Homework is going to drive me straight to the nut house.  Even today, after I came home and simply collapsed on my bed for two hours before serving a late dinner, I still had to do geography studying (they have a quiz in the a.m and a science experiment, complete with hypothesis, method, etc. etc.  Now, I have to get them up early in the a.m. to see the results and write the conclusions. Oy!!  Tomorrow, it will be math and spelling for sure (oh, and flute practise, which they’ can finally do on their own!!)  I swear, I should get an extra degree AND an iron cross for this!!
      I’m sorry to hear about the America trip, but it’s all about priorities, right?  I won’t be going anywhere significant for a while.  Have to start getting serious about renovations and then about moving back up in the real estate marketplace.  But I’m going NOWHERE until I’m financially solid.  Once burned … and all that jazz.
      Miss talking to you.  Hope you have a ga-LORIOUS day!!
      Love, RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22962
      female g
      Participant

      Thanks for popping in and posting i appreciate it alot.  I am in a really good place and that is due to the new way of life that I live these days.  ITS AMAZING HOW i SEE THINGS ALL AROUND ME SEEM SO MUCH BETTER. oops caps.  Anyway hope things work out for for Bailey and that your doing as well in your day to day despite what life is throwing at you. Well done Kathryn for your work to stay gamble free G

    • #22963
      ddsroad
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Just a quick note to say hi and hope that things are going well.  Hope you have a wonderful week!You can do anything if you put your mind to it! Have great day! – DD

    • #22964
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just thinking of you right now and wishing you and your family a wonderful week this week.. good things are happening for you Kathryn i feel it in my bones heheeh.. Mind you i have had a lot of caffeine this morning hahah.. but really i feel good things are coming.. its weird.. anyway enjoy your day.. hope to see you again on chat and maybe you can get on a shorter holiday before you go to USA.. maybe come to sunny Queensland and we can catch up and take our kids to theme parks!!! heheh.. cya soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22965
      vera
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      Didn’t get much chance to say anything last time our paths crossed in the chat room!
      Sometimes unresolved issues take over there!
      I hope you are still enjoying your job and that things work out well for your boy!
      My two sons were home on Monday night. The quiet one from Holland and the "wayward" one from Dublin. He decided to take out his unresolved anger and aggression on me and had quite a bit of alcohol taken so I refused to rise to the bait. Hubby just sat in silence pretending not to notice. It drives me mad!
      I think, if I were a man and if I heard my son/brother speak to my wife/mother in the disrespectful tone I was spoken to, I would place a running kick where he would feel it most.
      My other  son was very sympathetic the next day, saying it was a disgrace how his younger brother behaved but DID NOTHING at the time!
      Im glad Bailey is getting sorted out now. Much easier when they are young. I should have insisted that my son got help for his anger when he was still under my control.
      Ah well! Its never to late. I keep hoping he will turn a corner one day. He might surprise us all yet!

    • #22966
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K:  Spent eons crafting a lovely response to you last night, only to have it deleted in a split second when my computer decided to have a brain fart!!  How annoying is that???  Anyway, let’s see if I can recall the gist of it.
      I can just imagine you driving down the highway trying to remember HALT.  Hungry, Angry …. dammit what is the L????  All the while, mouthing to yourself in full view of passing motorists, lol!!  I do that.  I get so carried away in my "head" conversations sometimes that I end up talking aloud.  Then, when I come to my senses, I try to act all cool, like I was just singing to myself or something.
      Anyway, today was an odd day.  Day 14 and I was supposed to have a massage but didn’t.  Instead, did a few errands in the a.m., and then hubby and I drove to local skating rink where kids were having gym with their school.  Spent a delightful afternoon lacing up skates, cheering on learners (hubby is wonderful with teaching kids how to skate and picking them up off their bums).  I even had to find a baby tooth that was knocked out of one little one’s mouth after he took a tumble.  It was loose anyway, and he was too stunned to cry, lol!!  I made sure I put the tooth deep in his pocket where the tooth fairy could find it.  What a great afternoon.
      Hubby and I also spent some time looking at hardwood samples, potential new cabinets for our bathroom and a new soaker tub for me.  Yet another lovely way to spend the afternoon, albeit arguing over the price of the items I wanted.  Hubby is right, I know, this isn’t our forever house (I hope), so he doesn’t want to put in the most luxurious things, but I do SOOO love the luxe things.  Imagine what we could have had without gambling.
      That being said, I still found myself "urging" slightly today.  But passed soon enough.  Now safely ensconsed at home with the boys.  Have to go and make grilled cheese sammies for dinner (lazy sod mum) and then do some laundry.
      Hope your Friday is fab.
      Love,
      RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #22967
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I havent had a great week, more problems with Bailey.  I dont really want to go into it all now as im too tired.  One positive, i have been up early walking all week and i do feel better for it. 
      Im glad the week is over.  I havent thought to gamble, but at the same time im grateful of where i am in my recovery.  I know where i would be right now otherwise.
      I am so looking forward to a sleep in tomorrow.
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22968
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I havent had a great week, more problems with Bailey.  I dont really want to go into it all now as im too tired.  One positive, i have been up early walking all week and i do feel better for it. 
      Im glad the week is over.  I havent thought to gamble, but at the same time im grateful of where i am in my recovery.  I know where i would be right now otherwise.
      I am so looking forward to a sleep in tomorrow.
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22969
      female g
      Participant

      Sorry to hear your going through some tough times With Bailey but happy to see that you are handling it and keeping the gambling beast at bay.  It get easier dosen’t it with the distance we have put between gambling and life.  thanks for your post and hope to catch a chat on the weekendG

    • #22970
      vera
      Participant

      hope all gets sorted soon Kathryn!
      At least you are aware there is a problem.

    • #22971
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Thanks for the post.  I was worried about alienating my friend.  We did have a chat today but did not bring up the gambling issue.  I won’t bring it up again, unless she wants to talk about it.  Will miss posting for the next 3 days.  But will be back sometime Tuesday!  Did’nt gamble today- day 6.Seize all the good things in life

    • #22972
      alice
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      Sending you big virtual hugs over the ocean to you. I hope that you’ve managed to get some rest and the sleep you got was quality sleep.
      You’re doing well and you haven’t gambled so actually you’re doing more than well yo’ure doing fantastic! I hope that things with Bailey will begin to turn the corner soon and start getting better. I know that when you’re in the middle of a crisis it feels there’s no way out but things can start to turn around and I believe you have the strength to make them do so.
      Take care and make sure that you look after yourself and give yourself some treats from time to time!
      Alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22973
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I hope you are going well today and having a nice weekend.. I really hope that things sort themselves out quickly with Bailey.. Im sorry to hear you are having a hard time.. maybe it is a phase and it will pass… i do know you are doing your all to help it at this time.. things will get better, the good thing you recognize there are problems, sometimes things go unnoticed and thats worse!! also you are doing something about it.. do something nice for you Kathryn, you really deserve it, you work hard at work and at home, you are gamble free and i think you are just one awesome person Kathryn and i am so glad i know you.. see you soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22974
      kathryn
      Participant

      I am worried about my son today,
      I have just dropped him at school knowing that all the children know what he has done.
      I want to protect him from them but i cant.
      I have called the principle and asked that an eye be kept on him today.
      I dont know what more i can do…i cant keep him at home, he did it and he has to face the consequenses.  Maybe this will be a good deterrent for the future. 
      He has learnt a hard lesson, but in saying that he is my baby and i dont want him to be hurt.
      Its going to be a long day for me.
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22975
      alice
      Participant

      Hey kathryn,
      you have done all you can do. you asked the school to keep an eye out for him and i’m sure they will do that. as you say he needs to face up to what he has done and that includes dealing with the consequences. but of course you will worry.
      let us know how he got on when he gets home.
      alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22976
      vera
      Participant

      Lets hope Bailey learns from all  this K!
      We cannot be beside our children everyday of their lives.
      Let’s hope they won’t make him the "school hero" either. Sometimes it is better to be shunned for a while. rather than glorified for doing wrong. That could have the reverse effect. And it can happen!
      Just let him know nothing has changed between you and him!

    • #22977
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I feel for you right now.. it must be so hard K.. you are doing all you can though.. it will get better.  Time may heal it and it will soon be a distant memory and him and you can put it behind you as a tiny lesson among the many that life will bring.. I missed your group tonight, had a look but it was not on at usual time..
      Anyway just want you to know that your fellow Aussie is thinking of you tonight and I hope that some good news comes your way soon and that this mess gets sorted as quickly as possible for all of you.. I think you should have a cape with a big K on the front, our own personal GT wonderwoman… hehe.. cya soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22978
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      I had a great time with my Mom!  Was good to get home, and I missed my friends here.  Sorry you are going through this hard time.  It is really tough when it involves your child.  You always want to be there to protect them, but sometimes they have to go through things by themselves.  You’ve done all the things you should.  It will get better!  Have’nt gambled for 10 days.  Stay strong.Seize all the good things in life

    • #22979
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well my son went ok, it seems that, as usual it was a million times bigger in his head than it really was, although one friend dumped him, this boy virtually lived at our place, and he said he couldnt trust Bailey anymore.  It had nothing to do with him and i am extremely cross, not that ive said anything. 
      We are going away tomorrow for 4 days.  It is my father in laws 70th bday and we are surprising him, he only thinks 1 son is taking him away and when he gets there the other 4 siblings plus family will be there.  It should be a lot of fun.
      So thats me for now…i hope you are all well and happy, and thanks to those who posted.
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22980
      alice
      Participant

      hey kathryn,
      i’m so pleased that things went well with your son. Things are often better in actuality than how we think they are going to go. My god just look at the stress i’ve felt about work recently for it all to turn out fine in the end. well work wise anyway! Just wanting my mood to pick up too now.
      Have a great time at your father in laws. I hope you have a good time catching up with your family and it’s god fun.
      Alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22981
      vera
      Participant

      Glad all went well with your little man Kathryn………..everything changes! Life is full of ups and downs. My boss’s father died this morning…you are heading to dad-in-law’s "do". I had a nice evening out with friends from work (night off from work which was owed to me)…friends coming to visit tomorrow…hubby cleaning and cooking…life goes on for all of us without gambling. Nothing stands still! Yes, tomorrow is a new day! and the living is easy! Unless we make it difficult by ensnaring ourselves to illusions and false hopes!

    • #22982
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Glad things with your son are going better.  Great to see you in chat. Have a great trip.Seize all the good things in life

    • #22983
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a wonderful long weekend, the weather was divine (although i look like a lobster, so much for sitting in the shade all day!!), Dames’ family are a hoot, even when they are being growly, i couldnt help but laugh.
      My father in law was truly surprised, its his 70th birthday today, and he was thrilled that all but 1 neice and 1 nephew were there to celebrate with him.
      Saturday we spent the day by the river, under the beautiful trees, with big platters of delicious food, a drink (or two) and we played bocci.  It was a wonderful day, everyone enjoyed themselves, i havent laughed that hard in a long time.
      So i feel nice and refreshed and ready to go back to work tomorrow, be it for only 2 days ( i have thur and fri off as im working the weekend).  Its been a lovely weekend, we spent way too much money, but i always think if i was gambling we wouldnt have that money to take to begin with so why not?  It was nice not to have to worry.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22984
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      I haven’t posted to your thread in a while but I do read and enjoy your post; they are quiet beneficial.  When I first started here and at GA I wondered why all the talk about things happening and not recovery; I needed to know what to do, not something about someones private affairs. I soon learned that this was an important part of recovery; knowing that there was a life outside the one governed by addictions offered encouragement for me to continue. Yours, and the journaling of others, about the struggles before us and the benefits that await is part of what keeps programs like this working.
      I found the ways and means for me to stay gambling free and work my recovery in the same meetings and post, but, first I had to see the reason behind my desire to recover; that to live life would be great adventure.  I am happy that you and others have found the way to live life as well, and not just endure or cope with it, or perhaps even just elude it, while in the grasp of our addictions.
      God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #22985
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      has taken a while for me to make it all the way around the world but here I am.  Once again I arrive to late to offer you words of comfort and encouragement about lifes ups and downs.  But I am happy to see that everything went ok for your young fellow. 
      Working recovery has given us tools to deal with a lot of life’s situations.  And the barriers are great for times of stress.  You are doing awesome!
      A sunburn sounds lovely to me!  We have our first snow on the ground but thankfully mostly melted today.  I have work tomorrow so am heading off now to get things ready.  Talk soon I hope.
      Laura

    • #22986
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      So nice to hear you had a great time and some well deserved r and r.. sounded wonderful surrounded by family with lots of food and laughs… sounds perfect!!! see you soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22987
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi K, Thanks for your sweet post! Need to get ready for work but I have a question. Did you know that your thread appears in the GT instructions on how to post to a thread? It’s dated July 2009. I always meant to ask but I always forget.
      You are a superstar!!
      peace
      bettie

    • #22988
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi!  My family and friends are the most important people in my life, and now I can enjoy my time with them.  I can be there for them.  Thank goodness I found GT and all the great people here.  Day 18 Hope  you have a great day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #22989
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey my dear sweet K,
      hope you are managing your long schedule at work.  And that the kids are keeping the house hold destruction to a minimum.  My boys could have the living room turned into a pirate adventure complete with fort (all kitchen chairs and every blanket and sheet out of the linen clostet), Islands (all cushions off couch and comfy chair) and sea of molten lava (the carpet) with stepping stones to stafety (balled up articles of clothing).  Heaven help me!!! To the untrained eye it just looked like a disaster area.  And that would just be one room!
      I am on my last week at work before I am off for a week.  And I am off again for another week and a half at the end of the month for the holidays.  That is all that is keeping me going as i struggle through this week.
      Get lots of rest, don’t sweat the small stuff and hope to talk soon.  I’ll see if I can get my lazy self out of bed before you are going!
      take care,
      Laura

    • #22990
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hows things, I hope they are going well for you.. haven’t seen a post from you in a little while so just checking in to make sure all is ok in your world.. having a cuppa right now and going to community chat might see you there
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22991
      crackles86
      Participant

      Oh wow, I think i FINALLY found your latest journal… i thinkkkk!!!
      Sorry I got kicked off chat but thanks for talking tonight 🙂 I was trying to say someone on the chat last night was really in deep trouble but hadn’t posted before so I was trying to get him to, but he hasn’t. Was just worried 🙁
      I’m off to post in my journal, make sure you do the same! xxx

    • #22992
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you all for your lovely posts….i have to say, ive been here reading like a mad woman, but unable to find the words to post lately…very strange for me, im usually not lost for words!!!
      Ive been busy at work…today was a wierd one… a man came in, a man i recognised from my gambling days. He carries a statue, a rather large one that i remember seeing him with at a venue once.  He used the statue to press the buttons on the machines!  Yes, he is a bit odd but i really think he thinks it is going to bring him luck.
      We put up our Christmas tree tonight.  It wasnt really the same without Brea there, bossing the boys about where to put the decorations so the tree looks even.  We did a good job, but im sure if she comes over she will find a spot without a decoration and gleefully point it out.  We have the most enormous roll of lights, and the tree is only 6 foot but it looks fantastic when they are on, and the hand made decorations bring a tear to my eye every single year!!!
      I have a meeting with Baileys counsellor tomorrow morning.  Im interested in what he has to say and hopefully we can get some strategies to help him.  I am a tad nervous, fear of the unknown i suppose.
      So thats about me for now, im trying very unsuccesfully to get organised for christmas, and although i still have 4 weeks, it may as well be 4 days!!!  A bit overwhelming, but i do this every year and manage to get organised, although the kids prezzies are a bit better than they used to be.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22993
      alice
      Participant

      hey kathryn,
      i’m sorry that i have been slack on reading and posting on other people’s jounals recently. i have been completely opposite to you and been posting lots on my own journal but ignoring everyone elses. i’ve been a bit too wrapped up in myself recently.
      good luck with the meeting with bailey’s counsellor. i know you are really worried and concerned about him. i hope that this meeting will be helpful and that the counsellor may be able to offer some advice for a constructive way forward!
      i’m now going to be very smug by saying that i have done all of my christmas shopping! i know that doesn’t help you when you’re panicking about all the things you’ve gotta get done but i just wanted to get it in! ha ha! To be honest i’ve only managed it because the benefits cocked up big time last month and paid me double. They will ask for it back when they notice but hey an interest free loan – you can’t answer! I thought that using it to buy all my christmas presents was at least something productive and not just frittering it away on the rubbish i normally end up managing to spend all my money on! It’s meant that I haven’t had to undo all my debt repayments over the last year by using my credit cards to get presents. I have 7 nieces and nephews, 3 brothers and their spouses and my parents to buy for so it really does mount up!
      Your christmas tree sounds great! I haven’t got one yet. I haven’t even decided if i’m going to bother. I don’t have any decorations as I had to give them away a couple of years ago when i moved house and no longer had the space to store them. where i live now i do have the space so i can easily get some and keep them for next year but it’s all the cost of buying them in the first place. i’m also not going to be here from 23rd dec for a week as i’m going to my sister’s for christamas. it might be nice to have some decorations though from now to cheer me up a bit! i’m sure i’ll make up my mind soon!
      anyway take care and stay strong
      alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22994
      vera
      Participant

      Hope the meeting with Bailey’s counsellor went well K!

    • #22995
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Haven’t seen you round as much lately, miss seeing your posts.. I like how you say your tree is "only" six foot hahaa… mine is the size of a potplant.. Almost school holidays hey.. I am sure when Brea comes over she will look at that tree with fond memories of decorating it with the boys.. how funny about the man with the statue.. that is quite odd. I remember thinking certain days would bring me luck, sill things, gambling makes us mad..
      I hope that the interview goes well with Bailey.. it may turn out better than expected, the good thing you can be proud of is you are all facing it together as a family and i think that is fantastic, not something that just gets swept under the rug as so often happens.. you are doing a wonderful job..
      Isnt it fantastic the kids get better pressies.  I went to the shops the other day and was feeling really odd that i had money over from the grocery shopping.. it was a good feeling..
      Hope you are having a good day and also hope to see you round a bit more.. you do seem quiet of late but i know there are many stages we have here and its all good because you are still here never far away.. and always remember we are never far away for you either..
       P – Living and Learning

    • #22996
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Sorry i havent posted, i havent had time to scratch myself, plus ive needed time to digest things with the counsellor.  Its ok to listen to him, but when i have to put it in words, i guess it means that im accepting what he is saying, which isnt a whole lot right now.  Possible ADD….possible.  I have made an appt with a paediatrition, i couldnt get in until Feb, so its a bit of a wait. 
      Medication has been mentioned, something i am not so sure i am comfortable with, but at the same time, i am prepared to do anything and everything in my power to make him feel better.  At the end of the day it is what is best for my son and if that helps him, so be it.
      I have been fairly frantic about what to do with the boys over the school holidays.  Me, being me leaves everything until the death knock, i call it optimism….i truly believe everything will work out in the end..lol.  Will i ever learn?
      I spoke to my boss today and asked her if it would be possible to work a couple of half days a week.  My gorgeous daughter is willing to watch them 3 days a week, and if i can work 2 half days it means that i only need to worry about a couple of hours in the afternoon which works out perfectly.  Im also taking a couple of days off.  Im very fortunate to have an understanding boss.  Although she did growl because i left it so long…lol….optimism!!!!!!
      I have had a couple of little urges.  Im not sure why, it doesnt matter, but that thought of $20 and an hours peace…yes, deluded i know.  I just refocus on something else and it passes.  Actually, now that i think of it, its proboably finances, with Christmas coming up, plus my siblings and i have decided to paint mums house for her 80th birthday.  Its costing us $750 each, so im sure im a little concerned.  I know i can afford it, but Dames has time off over Christmas, and im hanging on tooth and nail at the small amount of savings in our account.  I suppose if we have to spend it, we have to.  We can always make more money!!! 
      So, thats me for now.  Im sure ive left out 10 things. I didnt spend near enough time as i wanted to on chat last weekend.  Seems life is just getting super busy.  I always know where to come for a dose of reality though, not to mention my lovely friends here who i think of each and every day.
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Take care, Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #22997
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I am getting sleepy so if this comes out sideways please forgive me lol.  Just wanted to let you know I was by to catch up.  In life or death or serious situations free health care is priceless.  For the rest we tend to wait a little longer.  Have you done any research into controlling ADD with diet? I think that there was a possible link where children with ADD are really sensitive to certain things in our every day diet.  I was also wondering if you know of a naturopath that would be good with children.  It’s always nice when medication can be avoided.  At least you’ll have tried some of the suggested things by the time you get to see the specialist. 
      Glad the arrangements worked out for the kids.  You got a lot on the go, urges are normal, probably reminders of gambling Christmases past as well…  False promises for us now.
      I’m running out of steam K, so will be back tomorrow to finish this off.
      Have a good day for you.
      Laura

    • #22998
      alice
      Participant

      Hey kathryn
      sounds like you’ve got so much racing around your mind at the moment! You sound pretty stressed. I know that you are really busy at the moment and have your family to think about but maybe finding an hour each week to spend some time just for yourself may help. Whether that’s an hour in the bath, an hour going for a walk or for a swim or even maybe going to the pictures on your own and catching a film? It may help you to destress a little bit!
      I don’t know if you’re like me and do lists but I find they can help when you have so much to think about. Write a list of the things that need doing or a list of the things you need to pay for and how much it will be. Just a thought.
      Oh my god listen to me doling out all this advice when my life isn’t particularly in anything other than a mess right now!
      Can totally understand your worry about your son. he’s your boy and you want the best for him. Let us know how it goes with the pediatrician on friday.
      You’re doing great with allowing time for the gambling urges to pass before acting on them. i think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the extra expenses of christmas coming up causing them. i know that when i worry about money gambling pops into my head. Makes no sense  in reality does it?!
      You’re doing well. Tell yourself that each day because you do deserve to hear it.
      Alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #22999
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning K, well a late good morning for me, and you are probably tucked in bed or getting awful close.
      So, now that I’ve had a chance to read my last post I will take some of it back lol.  Who wants to change a childs menu right before Christmas, would be too mean lol. 
      As usual I just want to fix everything for everyone instead of just listening.  You are being a great Mom Kathryn, it’s hard when we aren’t sure what the right thing is.  Enjoy your little bit of xtra time off next week.  I am happy to say I am way ahead with my shopping and Christmas preperations this year and it feels nice.  Last year I was near to sick with my big gambling reveal fall out.  I’ve never gone over board with the presents here as they get so much from the rest of the family as well. But was nice to have my budget in order and spend the time looking for something meaningful for mothers and sisters etc. 
      And I agree with Alice, take the time to breath, do something for yourself.  Even if it is to shut everything out for a half hour and relax.
      Take care Kathryn,
      Laura

    • #23000
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey again miss K,
      hope the fairies are sprinkling that sleepy dust in your eyes and that Dames has a good trip.  I think our urges are normal.  As our last bet is further behind us and the Christmas season comes a knocking there are so many things that can trigger us this time of year.  I think right now for me it is thinking of being a part of the atmosphere.  Gambling was a lot of fun for me around the holidays. And after the year of hard work and stressful times I put in, I think my mind is going to gambling as a reward for my troubles.  How sick is that! 
      Only two more days to the weekend!  Hey wait, wishing my holidays away.  But for you I will.  I’m sure when you sit down and put numbers on paper you will feel a little better.  Will not be a need to speculate in your mind where you are at. You will know for certain. 
      Have a good day at work K.  Huggsssssss being sent your way.
      Laura

    • #23001
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      So…im a little stressed out.  I truly feel panic, i feel like i did when i was gambling, the pit in my stomach, the worry.
      Now, in truth, money wise we are ok, what is stressing me is Dames.  I have explained that we will need to touch the savings, there are no 2 ways about it.  He has gone away with what i deem a hell of a lot of money, and he is going away on Boxing Day (ahhh, the life for some!)
      I am frightened that he will get angry, that he will think i am gambling.  I dont have a crystal ball and it may never happen but thats me…worry wart.
      So im trying to calm down.  Its 5.30 and i doubt i will go back to bed now.  More coffee required!!!
      As for Bailey, i am going to wait for the diagnosis, if there is any and take it from there.  We won a competition for the kids to go to a movie preview with Santa….Bailey has been saying its a Christmas miracle!! LOL..Cracks me up every single time, bless him.
      Anyway, Take care my lovely friends,
      Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23002
      alice
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      sorry you’re feeling so anxious. don’t worry about something that hasn’t yet happened. My god if i could have £1 for each time someone’s told me that over the last two weeks I would be rich now! But it is a wise saying. I know it is easier said that done! I’m sure onces you have explained to Dames the situation he is NOT going to think you are gambling. It’s not what you do any more and I’m sure he knows it.
      It’s great to hear you won that competition! A christmas miracle – love it!
      Stay strong hun you’re doing ok,
      Alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #23003
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Sorry to hear you are stressing.. things will get better, it is the time of year it makes everyone feel a bit hectic and all over the shop.. things will work out Kathryn.. your achievment of not gambling is amazing.. you have done so well for so long, thank god you are out of it and having these problems rather than still gambling and still having to face that.. well done, you are one awesome chickadeee and things will look up before you know it..
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23004
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Im sitting here with a big smile on my face.  I have been a moaning minnie lately, i just read my last few posts.  I have been stressed and worried.  I have been looking at things in the negative.
      Well, i was sitting here reading posts when i realised something……
      As of yesterday, i have not gambled for a year and a half.  (i think that sounds much better than 18 months!!!)
      I missed it, and i think thats pretty funny.
      I knew it was coming up, i have been having small thoughts about gambling, little urges that are gone in a blink, and i attributed them to my milestone, and Christmas stress i suppose.  Well, the milestone is gone, so i cant blame that anymore!!!!
      Today, i am not moaning…i am looking at how good my life is and if im worried, well i just have to get through it…compared to a year and a half ago, my life is bloody fantastic, and i think i need to remind myself of that from time to time!!!!!
      Take care my lovely friends,
      Kathryn cccccccccccccccc
       
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23005
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
       …As of yesterday, i have not gambled for a year and a half.  (i think that sounds much better than 18 months!!!) …

      Good evening Kathryn,
      Well done! And better still that you did not realize it; that only means that being gambling free is a little more natural for you.
      "How do you measure, measure a year?", or in your case a year and a half; but somehow, although more accurate, 788,400 minutes does not have the ring to it as 545,600 minutes when sung. So here’s to your year plus, the happiness found in a year is only multiplied with each additional day..
      ?Five hundred twenty-five thousand
      Six hundred minutes,
      Five hundred twenty-five thousand
      Moments so dear.
      Five hundred twenty-five thousand
      Six hundred minutes
      How do you measure, measure a year?

      In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
      In cups of coffee
      In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

      In five hundred twenty-five thousand
      Six hundred minutes
      How do you measure
      A year in the life??
       
      God’s speed.
       LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23006
      gipixie01
      Participant

        Hi,  kathyn  congrates on your meeting and I nned to find one also.  This is all new to me.  Just getting strated for firt time.   gipixe01 from USA

    • #23007
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      wow, a year and a  half!  Wohoooooooooooooooooo!!!!  So much can and has happened.  So many good things.  You have also weathered some tragedy and some of lifes fears and curve balls.  You have come through it all by facing and dealing with it one day at a time.  And the good things… you know what they are, big and small.
      I am really proud of you K.  You are living life.  Believe….well you did and do and you are making it come true.
      Have a good week at work. Talk soon I hope!
      Laura

    • #23008
      gipixie01
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  One and a half years. wow…Will I ever get there?  I hope so, and your message has given me more hope for my own future.  I am so new on the journey to recovery that reading your stories and others have blown me away, I mean this is really a big problem everywhere and anyone can get caught up in this and one day at a time I will learn.  Thank you for letting me see it can be done with hard work and determination and people like you to help me along the way just by typing about your recovery and life.  Its really beautiful.  Thank you and keep believing in yourself and I will also believe in me.   gipixie

    • #23009
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn!
      18 months?? Do the Happy Dance! Heck, we could dance to Larrys song!
      Congrats!!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23010
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      I am smiling too. 
      One year and a half – gone and not noticed.   I have a little sticker on my wall that says ‘Often the best way to win is to forget to keep the score’ and you are proving it.
      I love Larry’s ode to a year – I trust he has done his calculations and I am sure they will be spot on. 
      I measure my years in happiness and sadness. Being a Scot I am on the floor (or the table) at midnight on Hogmanay and the year’s events are sifted through the befuddled brain.  I often shed a tear for happiness as well as sadness and then on with the next year. 
      I have been surprised since writing on this site that the tears of sadness are less. This site is like a beacon of hope and to anyone who seeks help in it there is the possibility of success and certainly the knowledge to find that success if it is wanted enough.  A reason for tears only of happiness and hope I think.
      You are a shining example of what can be done as are many others. You bring light into the lives of F&F and fellow CGs who are at different stages of their struggle and I for one salute you and wish you a life-time of happiness – a life that ‘you’ and nobody and nothing else controls.
      Thank you Kathryn for making hope a reality for so many.
      Loads of love as Ever
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #23011
      female g
      Participant

      Soooooo fantastic and well done for sure. 1 year and 1/2  that is amazing and your a a real example of what can be accomplished through the tough times and through the good times. I am so impressed with you. I hope you and your family really have a wonderful and very happy Christmas.G

    • #23012
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Was good to talk to you on chat.. i am back on there again but no one seems to be around at this time.. oh well, might get some posting in.. well done miss on your year and a half!!!! wow.. hope i can say the same some day
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23013
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you thank you thank you for my lovely posts…it sure is a nice feeling….
      For me, i have been quiet, i feel my posting mojo has gone on holidays for a bit and each time i begin to write a post the words just dont come.  But i know they will be back, i think my head is just full of stuff at the moment…Christmas, my mums 80th birthday, work, everyday stuff…NORMAL stuff. 
      I dont have a lot to post really, sure there is plenty going on, but nothing really worth writing about.  My life is going on, and im just going about living it.  I did have some urges last night…i havent wanted to gamble like that for a long time.  I think because i was feeling unwell, that Dames had a mate in the shed…means and opportunity.  Of course, i came to chat and thankfully for me the lovely P was there…thanks my friend.
      Im not willing to jeopardise my recovery.  There is just no way. 
      Im just about ready for Christmas, finished up my shopping today…yay!!!
      One less thing to worry about.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23014
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Thanks for the giggles on chat.. it was a really fun time walking down memory lane with you.. those urges are still picking away at me but it will get better
       
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23015
      kathryn
      Participant

      hi all,
      Well, i have officially finished my Christmas shopping.  Relief.
      I have realised i need to let go of some things….but boy its hard.  I know i can do it, heck, i stopped gambling, i can do anything, but i think im causing myself hurt.  I need to believe in myself, that i am coping and managing this addiction and stop being so…….needy? habitual? im not sure what it is but i end up getting upset through no ones fault but my own.
      I am a strong person…i just need to keep telling myself that.
      Anyway, just a little vent from me.
      Love to all,
      Kathryn xxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23016
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just wanted to say, glad that all is well for you right now and you are living your life doing NORMAL stuff. 
      Well done on the one and a half years.  I hope you enjoy a Happy Christmas and peaceful and healthy 2011.
      Much love xWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #23017
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Tis’ the season to be ……….
      Confused. I have been mood swinging like crazy! Maybe the holidays? Who knows!
      Wishing you all the best for you and yours now and in the New Year!
      Merry Christmas Kathryn!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23018
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Have a merry Xmas, and a wonderful 2011!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23019
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      I have realised i need to let go of some things…but …
      … I need to believe in myself… I am a strong person…
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Good to see that you have your shopping completer, in fact I do too, and that you are ready to give them.  Just as we give up the things we buy for others, we do have a need to give up things that may be hindering us as well.  The best way I know to rid ourselves of these unwanted traits is to not try to give them up, but to push them out by replacing them with positive feelings and actions. 
      If you haven’t read or received Ken’s "Today’s Gift" email, it is copied below. It speeks of going byound letting go, it shows that we need to believe as well as being strong.
      And yes, you are a strong person, and you pass that strengten to others. Thanks for the share I have been given.
      Merry Christmas!
      "God bless us everyone". Keep aware. Stay strong.
       
      Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

      One needs something to believe in, something for which one can have wholehearted enthusiasm.
      –Hannah Senesh

      Life offers little if we sit passively in the midst of activity. Involvement is a prerequisite if we are to grow. For our lives’ purposes we need enthusiasm; we need enthusiasm in order to greet the day expectantly. When we look toward the day with anticipation, we are open to all the possibilities for action.

      We must respond to our possibilities if we are to mature emotionally and recover spiritually. Idly observing life from the sidelines guarantees no development beyond our present level. We begin to change once we start living up to our commitment to the program – its possibilities and our purpose – and it’s that change, many days over, that moves us beyond the negative, passive outlook of days gone by.

      The program has offered us something to believe in. We are no longer the people we were. So much more have we become! Each day’s worth of recovery carries us closer to fulfilling our purpose in life.

      I believe in recovery, my own; when I believe in success, I’ll find it. There is magic in believing.
      You are reading from the book: "Each Day a New Beginning" by Karen Casey
      Larry

      Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 12/22/2010 4:24:26 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #23020
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Dear Miss Kathryn,
      As I exhaustedly read your Christmas wish thread I thought…. well darn, she beat me to it lol. 
      Living real life is tiring but I wouldn’t trade it for my high stool in front of a machine.  I think it is definitely the season that is bringing emotions out in a lot of us.  I was saying in chat tonight that it almost feels like the season is shining a light on all of the issues I haven’t resolved and the things in my life that are far from perfect. But, I guess there is the blessing of a new day.  There is still an opportunity to change. Or to not change.  lol not sure which.
      It has been a pleasure knowing you this past year plus.  I wish you all the best Kathryn.  In case Im not back before Aussie christmas,
      Have a Very Merry Christmas!!!
      Love Laura

    • #23021
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, its all over!!!
      All that build up for one day…although we did have a great time.  The kids were up at 6.30, and by 6.35 all the presents were open..lol.
      It was a great day spent with the family.  I wont go into the food….i can barely type i am so full!!!
      Needless to say, it was a lovely Christmas this year, and i am so grateful for thatl
      Take care my friends,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23022
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Kathryn, it was good to be on chat with you.  Glad you had a good Chritmas!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23023
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      So, i had a very interesting day yesterday….
      I went to the Boxing day sales, not something i do too often, but..because Baileys cd player didnt work on his new stereo…because i bought Breas boyfriend PS3 games instead of XBox360 ones (im hopeless..lol) and i had a quilt cover to return i decided to head on in.
      I took the items to the store and was told that i could not return the stereo as i had to contact the manufacturer…hmm, unfortunately i saw red and proceeded to ‘do my lolly’ in the store.  I dont normally do things like that (much), anyway, long story short, she would not give me the refund, i gave her a mouthful, got a refund on the other items and left, but was it over?  Not by a long shot.  I got down the escalator and thought..no way, im not having it…and then i rang the manager of the store, told him the situation, told him my contract was with the store and not the manufacturer, went on and on and on and guess what?  I got my refund!!!  Moral of the story…the squeaky wheel gets the grease!! lol.
      Had to share this one as it absolutely exhausted me, i was sooooo angry.  Any other day it would have been a massive trigger, i would have gone and gambled that night to ‘relieve the stress’.  As it was, i took that refunded money and bought Bailey a big box of leggo, turned out he didnt want the stereo ( i was shattered as i thought it was a great gift) but hey, it isnt about me is it?  And he has spent all day today putting it together, bless him.
      I have my mums 80th birthday on Thursday and today i got a call this morning from the bakery i ordered the cake from saying that it had changed hands and they dont ‘do’ birthday cakes….aaaaahhhhhhh.  Ive passed it to my sister to organise as the only day the shops are open is Wed, and im working!!!
      So, theres a couple of good reasons (like i needed any) to gamble.  Im happy to say that i didnt (well, i cant really) and a big woohoo to myself for that!!!
      Hope you are all well and happy, sorry for the rant, i needed to get that out!!!
      bye for now, Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23024
      vera
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      Good on ya for not gambling! Good on ya for standing up for your rights!
      Lego is a far better gift for Bailey! My boys used to spend hours playing Lego. I always loved those times because they would spend hours building and moddling…( my eldest son is now studying architecture-i wonder is there a connection ) Only recently, I gave the huge boxful of Lego to a girl who works with me for her three little boys. Separating with it nearly triggered me to gamble…what are we like?
      I was in my niece’s house for dinner the Day before Christmas Eve. She was all organased and "Santa" was bringing  "Ben Ten" toys to her 4 year old.She had them all secured in the attic! A week before Christmas he began saying " I hate Ben Ten"! "I hope Santa wont bring me BT because I don’t like him"…Long story short, after we had dinner, herself and her hubby headed back to the toy shop in the freezing snowy weather and they changed the toys without any question. They all arrived in my house on Christmas evening after dinner driving on impacted ice and slush to show us what Santa brought for Harry. A flashy red CD PlaYer with a Christmas CD which he played from the time he got up that morning non stop and A car racing track! Good old Santa! He always knows best!
      Isn’t it great to be free to tune in to the real things at Christmas Kathryn!
      If I were gambling, 99% of that would go over my head!

    • #23025
      gunner27
      Participant

      Hey Kathyrn
      Good for you for doing all those nice things, kind of reminds me of that phrase ‘seldom does a good turn go unpunished’! and at least you got the refund so you had one halfgood result- (I love your phrase about the squeaky wheel I may borrow that!)
      Cheers Jim

    • #23026
      rr04e
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I appreciate it and feel blessed reading your comment. I wish you to have a great end of year moment with beloved people around you. Take care and hope to see you here soon.
      rr04e

    • #23027
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Good for you pursuing the refund, and getting it.  Legos were a hit with my Grandson too!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23028
      kwbwmom
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      I don’t think I have ever told you what a pleasure it is to catch you on chat. You always have such kind words to say to me and are so supportive.
      2011 is nearing and I pledge to be able to say at the end of it I have been gamble free!! You and the others here make me believe it is a possibility!"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

    • #23029
      female g
      Participant

      Isn’t it better that we can concentrate on the everyday than be removed completely.  I know it is a learning curve as we re learn with a clearer mind (and you are by the way) to change the way we deal with the day to day. Its a new way and a better way. your determination and resolve are wonderful examples to all cg’s who want to work on re entering into the real world.  Good on you for getting what you deserved and not settling. 
      hope the new year is one that is  full of more joy and less connection to your gambling past. You are amazing and I for one am so glad to know you and learn from you. thanks G

    • #23030
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you all for your lovely posts.
      Today is my mums 80th birthday.  We had an afternoon tea for her and all the family came.  We had invited a few of her siblings and her bestie and a few surprise friends.
      It was a fantastic day, i did not stop from 8am to 8.30pm, but….it was brilliant.  Mum was a bit overwhelmed but handled it all really well.  She ended up playing the piano and we all sang the old songs…a touch of my childhood which i really enjoyed. 
      Tomorrow my sister and i are going to our brothers for NYE.  While im not super close with my brother i am with my sister (she is the one whose husband died in August) and i am really going for her.  Im not planning a big one, but they are all massive drinkers so while they are downing the alcohol, ill be the one having little sips…lol.
      I hope you all have a wonderful NYE, and you all ring in the new year with happiness and hope in your hearts.  I hope 2011 is a gamble free one for us all (odaat, of course) and that our continued support of each other keeps us on the right path.
      Happy New Year my lovely friends,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23031
      tim
      Participant

      Hello kathryn,
      Just wanted to thank you for your support in my diary and to wish you all the best for the new year.
      There’s a coffee for you over in laura’s diary but you better hurry cos its getting cold
      Seems to me like your really enjoying your recovery.. may that continue forever and a day.
      Keep doing what works for you.. amd sure you will
      Warm regards
      Tim Taking life one day at a time as always.

    • #23032
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well my NYE wasnt so great, not for any particular reason other than my bro’s friends are extremely boring and  it was so hot i thought my head was going to blow off…lol.
      But….the trip up and back was lovely, i spent it with my sister, we stopped along the way, did a little shopping, and on the way home we even went and had a spa and swim in the mineral pool…..divine, although i did almost fall asleep at the wheel from being so relaxed (nothing a big ice cream, coffee and munchies couldnt fix!!)
      I am back to work tomorrow and i am looking forward to getting back into it.  The kids have been amazing so i cant complain about that, im pretty impressed with them, although i have bribed them for the rest of this week to behave for mum…$20 each on Friday…i worry when she has them as she doesnt have the patience she used to and i dont want her to stress out too much.  Its proboably not the right thing to do, but its only for this week, im organised for the rest of the time, between Brea and i we have it covered!!!
      Well, thats my update for now, im off to bed soon as work beckons tomorrow.
      Take care my lovely’s,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23033
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      Oh if only I had been at your brothers for New Year I would not be still worrying about whom I should apologise to!   Of course my ‘so called’ friends don’t help – I don’t know if I really did kiss the bouncer or not but there is a vague memory of a very, very large man with a lot more earrings than the jewellers shop!   How much better to have spent my time with your brother whose friends were so boring.
      I was gobsmacked at you taking 3 things back. I worry about just 1 and usually end up grovelling. I will demand the manager next time and pass out if he was at the same New Year party as me!
      I just popped over to wish you the happiest of years and to say how much I look forward to our continuing friendship in this lovely community. 
      You are one very special person
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #23034
      finding_laura
      Participant

      hey there Kathryn. Well I have been sucked into making New Year’s Resolutions.  I guess because New Year is as good a time as any.  I’ve been thinking of RG a lot lately, as i find myself going down a path that includes mindfulness and mindful meditation. Ohmmmmmmmmmm RG,  I hope you are finding your way.  I have truly connected with a lot of great people here.  And I look forward to another year of friendship. 2010 brought ups and downs but it was easier to manage with friends like you.  Thankyou for all of your support. I wish you all the best in 2011.
      xoxo
      Laura

    • #23035
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Glad all is well for you at the moment.. i like the sound of the coffee and icecream hehehe of course that got my attention.. looking forward to more great moments in GT this 2011. .. thanks for being a friend Kathryn
      P – Living and Learning

    • #23036
      mobikom
      Participant

      Happy New Year :)"You cannot change the system but you can change who you are"."I would not gamble with money i do not have" and "Make promises i can’t keep".

    • #23037
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      thats my update for now …
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

      Good morning Kathryn,
      It is good to read updates from you, as Colin writes in is introductions,"You will also be reading the success stories", your stories of you adventure in life are the pinnacle of this fact. True they tell of problems and adversities, but they are a success story that lets others know that a gambling free life is reachable.
      One thing that I am glad that I do not read in your sharing is news about any direct problems you are having due to the floods in Australia; for an area the size of France or Texas to be flooded where it has to have some effect on everyone no mater what area they live, it is good that your area is staying dry.  You are even having to travel to bath in mineral waters, lol.
      God’s speed. Stay strong.
      Larry

      Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 1/4/2011 8:40:35 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #23038
      kathryn
      Participant

      Firstly, i do not wish to offend any lovely men on this site….this is only MY experience…
      Dont you love it when its all ok when you are useful, when you are doing something for them but when theres a better offer, when you’re not needed for anything in particular you are pushed aside like a piece of rubbish.
      Dont you love it when they are having a lovely time and god forbid actually think that you might have one too….its a rarity in my world. All you are good for is bringing the chicken!!!
      The men in my life treat me like dirt, and today, thats exactly how i feel.
      I am extremely angry and upset tonight, and in truth, i have had a gutfull.
      I know i will wake up tomorrow and remember the good stuff, as for tonight, forget it, i am livid.
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23039
      vera
      Participant

      Hope you have cooled down K!
      As a matter of interest, how many men do you have in your life?

    • #23040
      kathryn
      Participant

      Lol Vera,
      Yes, i have cooled off, and in truth, not that many!!!!
      Love, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23041
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Oh you make me laugh… I am glad you have cooled off and i hope that its all sorted now.. hope you are having a good day today, might catch you on chat this weekend hey.. heheh you crack me up girl!!!
      P – Living and Learning

    • #23042
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      What an interesting night i just had…we went to the golf club (aka my gambling haunt) tonight for my brother in laws bday.  Food was divine by the way…..
      My MIL is back at our place and im not even going to go there, but…Damian went and played the machines after dinner.  I stayed in the restaurant with some of my sister in laws and the kids, which was fine and i had to make 2 trips to the bank for Dames.  After the 2nd trip i said that i was taking the kids home and to call me when him and MIL were ready to leave.  I got home with the kids and proceeded to tidy up, i took out the bins and i went through the bill box, there was stuff in there from 2009 and it needed a good clean out.
      Dames called about 40 mins after i got home.  Now, i thought all was fine, i was FINE with it. We got home and i showed him what i had done, how we only had a couple of bills in there (yay) and the other jobs i had done.  He said, wow you have  been busy trying not to think about it.
      I hadnt thought of it like that and i said that i was fine.  He came over to me and said "what i did to you was cruel, and i will never ever do it again".  I was shocked if im to be honest, i said "well, it is not your problem, it is mine."  To which he replied, "your problems are my problems and im so sorry for doing that to you".
      WOW…… i truly didnt realise what an effect his gambling had on me, i was just thinking that i would do a couple of jobs when i came home but he was right…i was keeping busy, keeping that urge at arms length.  It was an eye opener for me and im so extremely grateful for Dames, becuase in truth, i think it was an eye opener for him.  For the record he didnt win a thing, just more ammo for me, proof that gambling never pays, and im a bit grateful for that too!!!!!
      I cannot go into that gaming room, i will be removed, and i LOVE that feeling.  Its a safe feeling.  I feel pretty good right now, knowing that i am safe.
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23043
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn,
      you are likely tucked in I suppose.  I really have to start trying to get up earlier in the morning.  But this seems to be where my pattern has settled for now.   Totally relate in the man department (sorry men).  And in truth there as as many self centred, thoughtless, women out there as men.  But in my world it is the men… 
      Be proud Kathryn, you turned this trigger into a reinforcement of your commitment to live your life gamble free.  I’m glad your hubby made the urge connection for both of you.  Although I think you would have gotten around to it!  Your survival instincts were working just great!  Now I hope you survive the MIL!
      You are a kind soul miss Kathryn. See you soon, I am going to try and get up early enough tomorrow for your group 🙂
      Sweet dreams,
      Laura

    • #23044
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      …. he replied, "your problems are my problems and im so sorry for doing that to you" …
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      Good to see you have a "new" man in your life; or is it just the same one seen in a different light. Whatever the reason, the experience must have been a wonderful feeling – a live Hallmark moment even. (I am guessing that the Hallmark Greeting Card Company has sales down there) 
      God’s speed.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23045
      gipixie01
      Participant

      Hi, Kathryn, I just finished reading about your trip to the club and I must tell u how touched I was by YOUR response, so many women would have blown up over the situation that you found yourself in esp. when hubby was kind of gambling in front of you and you could not.  What a great guy to realize this and to say he was sorry.  Your self exclusion was in place and did help keep things in check, but so did you.  Good for you girl to leave, I am far from an expert, but it really seemed like the absolute thing to do, go away from what can harm you…..Now, question, do you think about gambling more now since that night or about the same?  I ask because on New Years Eve a friend asked me to go to the Casino and I said no of course but I thought about gambling that evening and had to do other things to get if off my mind…I did not gamble though.May all our weeds be wild flowers!!!

    • #23046
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Miss K,
      My, what a man u got there. Guess that buys him some time for the next time he goofs up! (lol!)
      Glad it worked out for you. Hope MIL behaves herself.
      peace
      bettie

    • #23047
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Just a quick note to say that my computer has died….well, i dont know if its the computer or the plug thing so im not sure when i can get back here…hopefully i just need a new plug and all will be well, but just in case its not…ill be thinking of you all and missing this site to death (im on my besties computer right now)
      G, it did  affect me that night, but after that i feel back to normal in terms of urges.
      B, thanks, he will pass with a push!!!
      Take care my lovely friends and hopefully i will be back soon,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23048
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi K,
      hopefully just a plug issue and not a PC issue.  Will miss you for sure, hopefully all fixed up by weekend chat! 
      take care,
      Laura

    • #23049
      ozcat
      Participant

      Kathryn just read your thread, inspirational.  Just hit a nerve for me as I havent been to a GA meeting for a long time and the longer I stay away the harder it gets to go,  but now I have read your thread it has inspired me and I will commit to goingnext Friday night.  Thanks KathrynCourage, not the abscence of fear or despair but the strength to conquer them!

    • #23050
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Kathryn, you are such an inspiration to me and I know so many others here.  Keep up the good work, you are amazing!If you are heading in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!

    • #23051
      Anonymous
      Guest

      hi Kathryn – Happy New Year!
      I wanted to check in on you. – I am not sure where down under you are. I pray that you aren’t located near all the flooding taking place down there. Hoping all is well and you are safe!!
      Big Hugs!
      Lee

    • #23052
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, so much for my Scarlett O’Hara goodbyes…..
      A new battery and a new plug, that was it.  The lovely man at the store, after charging me $200 lent me one to use until my order comes in.  I know ive been ripped off but i dont care, i need my computer.
      So…..after all that im back…LOL…hope you all didnt miss me too much!!!!!
      Love Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23053
      female g
      Participant

      thanks kathryn for the post and I think your right Recovery does allow us to be our true selves and I am grateful for that.  Its nice to like who we really are again isn’t it.  Glad you are able to post still and I know I would hate to loose my computer its like a lifeline isn’t it.G

    • #23054
      meglee
      Participant

      Hi Chookie
      I’m just passing through, so had to pop in to say "Gudday"!!
      Oh Dames…he might not be perfect babe, but the two of you have got through quite ALOT in the last couple of years eh….and he always ‘gets it’ in the end! Bless him! He sounds like a ‘keeper’ i reckon! 😉
      Still not a full moon passes me by without thinking of you! Love ya lots. Will be in touch again soon.
      Big hugs and much love always
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
      Meg"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #23055
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      thank you for your posts..(lovely to see you Meg!!!)
      So, its vent time…..
      If i ever wanted to gamble, today would be the day.  My MIL has been staying for almost 2 weeks and today she pushed me over the edge. 
      She is the most manipulative person i have ever met.  She zaps the energy out of anyone she meets.  The sound of her voice today makes my body cringe.  I am OVER it.
      Thankfully she is moving on to her daughters tomorrow, im not sure how much more i could take.  Its been trying to say the least and i am very happy to see the back of her if im to be honest.
      I will not gamble.  I wont let her do that to me, but i know, if i was still gambling, where i would be right now.
      Im grateful that i am where i am in my recovery, any less and i might be in trouble!!!!
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23056
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, glad to here your MIL is leaving, less stress for you, I have several family members that just test my nerves, can’t be around them too long.  But you got through it, and no gambling.  Good for you!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23057
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      Did I tell u my MIL story?
      Once  upon a time, 1981 to be exact, I got married . Me and my ex didn’t have a pot to p in. My in laws moved far away, abandoning their home and offered it to us to stay in. Cool, we needed a place to go, having a new born baby and no money. Long story short, the mil left the utilities unpaid and we needed almost $1000 to pay HER heating bill from the prior winter. Being the wonderful MIL that she was she collect "wedding gifts" from my ex’s brother and sister, various family members and PAID HER BILL! My sister in law was upset that I didn’t send her mom a thank you note for the gift. I told her since the "gift" was given to my MIL maybe SHE should sent the note!
      Well, we may have just used that gift money to turn on the gas but shouldn’t that have been OUR choice?
      I guess i am an ingrate but I still remember that. Guess I will forgive her. 30 years is long enough to carry that grudge around. Funny part is it didn’t bother her a bit!
      Gosh I should have been a cg much sooned than i was! LOL!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23058
      thedeviliknow
      Participant

      That’s a good MIL story Bettie. Pretty shakey in the etiquette department. I wonder if she kept an administration fee or Gift finders fee for her trouble. In her mind she’s killed two birds with one stone and thinks she’s registered a win-win.My vice is the dice for life !!!

    • #23059
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive had a pretty mundane week at work, busy, but nothing to write home about so im not!!!!
      I took the boys to see Yogi Bear at the movies today, not the most stimulating movie, but they loved it and thats all that matters.
      Im off to the tennis tomorrow and wont be home till Sunday, really looking forward to that.
      Hopefully i will catch up with some of you when i get back.
      Stay safe and strong,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23060
      bettie
      Participant

      Tennis from Friday to Sunday? Wow, what a match! lol!
      Have a nice weekend Kathryn!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23061
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey miss Kathryn,
      stopping by to say I miss you.  We just haven’t been connecting at all with the time difference.  Hope you are having an awesome time at tennis.  I’ve been cleaning most of the day. Taking a break.  One of those mundane days but grateful I can get anything done. Freezing cold out and icy roads so staying home and away from an accident waiting to happen!  And you probably enjoying the heat at a tennis match!  I am so jealous!  You deserve it though after the saint you were for the past two weeks.  Well, hoping we catch up soon.  Maybe I’ll have my lazy but up early for Monday’s session.  Take care,
      Love Laura

    • #23062
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn i bet you are enjoying the tennis.. you will still be there today so i will miss you on chat this weekend.. it is sunday here.. Yogi bear would have been fun for the boys havent been to that one, i took my boy to see tron and he says its the best movie he has seen in his life.. i have one day before school starts. and this time, i am breathing a big sigh of relief, i have had kids for the entire holidays!!! and the floods inbetween, looking forward to some structure and routine again.. oh and i still have 3 things i just cannot find on that booklist… and it has to be particular types and brands etc so is a pain but am thankful i can get these things new thanks to not gambling… enjoy that tennis match, i have been watching it when i cant sleep.. see you soon
      P – Living and Learning

    • #23063
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Everyone,
      I had a great weekend with my sister.  The tennis was nothing to rave about, but i did enjoy it.  The best part was on Saturday morning, sitting up in bed with my sister eating strawberry cheesecake with double cream for breakfast!!!!
      I came home very relaxed.  I couldnt believe how un-messy my house was…i was shocked really!!!
      So im back at work….we have Wednesday off as its Australia Day, public holiday.  Im not planning much, but it will be nice to have a day at home.  Perhaps if the weather is nice i will take the boys to the beach.
      So thats about all from me. My life really has become very mundane…not that im complaining, im pretty happy with that right now!!!!!
      Take care all,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23064
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good evening,
      Another week down….they seem to go so fast now, its almost Feb already!  My son turns 12 next Saturday, i find it a bit daunting really…he is growing up.  I know, a normal thing for children to do, but i missed a lot of his little life, i spent so much time gambling.  Its nice to watch him now, and although he has a few problems, i am so grateful that i am present to deal with them. 
      I am hoping to spend some quality time on chat this weekend.  I dont have a lot to do, the kids go back to school next Friday and while i have all their clothes and things ready, i still have to label them and go through their clothes from last year.   There is the usual housework of course, but if i can get it all done tomorrow then Sunday will be a free day for me.  The weather is meant to be hot hot hot….30c tomorrow and 41c on Sunday!!!  Now THAT is hot, im not looking forward to that one, too hot to do anything really.
      I am pleased to report that gambling thoughts have been very few this week, if any at all.  We have a lot of big bills coming up, and these things used to send me gambling, to try to make more.  Im not the best at budgeting, but i know we can make these bills as long as we dont spend on crap.  Much easier for me than for hubby…he is hopeless.  He sees it, he wants it, he buys it.  In saying that, its nice to know that he can if he wants to. 
      I hope you are all well and happy, and i hope to see some of you on chat this weekend.
      Bye for now, Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23065
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      it was so good to connect yesterday.  I tried to catch you this morning but must have missed you by a little bit.  Don’t melt!!  Make sure any peanut butter cups are safely stored in the freezer!  Glad the urges have settled again.  It can be big or little things that trigger them, but the MIL was a biggie!  Well got to work on that spreadsheet of mine!  In between chats of course!   Take care K, catch you soon.
      Laura

    • #23066
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Im back at day one due to a stupid decison to buy a lotto ticket, the area is still grey with me on that one as i buy one twice a year every six months so dont feel too bad about it but ga definition is i am back to day one.. hope you are going well and hopefully will get to chat to you again on weekend chat..looks like a lot of the times have changed so will try to catch you then.. i hope things are well, hows the heat hey!!! the cyclone is coming to Queensland, apparently this will be the worst natural disaster in australia, just after the floods too, i am thankful i am not up the top end and sorry for those that are.. the worlds gone mad Kathryn.. glad our worlds are improving with not gambling.. well apart from the lotto ticket!!! but hey ive still got my clean days and i feel fine about it.. see you soon miss
      P – Living and Learning

    • #23067
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Laura and P, thank you for your posts (P, im glad to see you posting!!)
      Ive just come back from my night at Jodes….we had a beautiful dinner and watched "Eat, Pray, Love"…i always get a little deep when i see these movies, wondering just how these people ‘find’ themselves, their balance in their life and i come home wishing i could do that.  But how?  How do i start on the road to self discovery?
      To be honest, i have no idea.
      Im going to ponder on it for a while, and see if i can come up with anything feesable that a married woman with 3 children can do.    Yes, not gambling has bought out the me that was buried beneath the addiction, but i think im looking for more…watch this space!!!
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23068
      meglee
      Participant

      Hey Chook! Yeah I pondered alot after reading the book too. Haven’t seen the movie yet, but the book was fab.I felt inspired and wanted to do something exciting and reckless!
      I know exactly what you mean, but you need to go back a step… in your post you said "how do i start on the road to self discovery?"  Hellooooooo????? What the bleep do you think you’ve been doing these last couple of years babe?! LOL.
      Youre well on that road already.
      I do understand where youre coming from though because I have felt the same. I think the freedom of living WITHOUT the addiction, when it really sinks in, is like a high. Then you get used to the feeling and wonder whats next????! We come from opposite sides of the CG fence, but the feeling is the same i think. 
      We need to remember our lives aren’t a hollywood movie. I bet though, if someone who’s far better with words than you or I, were to write YOUR STORY into a novel…it would make a very inspiring read.I also imagine it would be hilarious too! I’D buy it for sure! And then there’d be the movie….Now….who would we cast as Kathryn??? (angelina maybe????)
      After saying all that though… if you plan on running away to find yourself in Italy… let me know! I’ll come too – I LOVE pasta. And wine! haha haha.
      Much love and light and many hugs
      Meg xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #23069
      finding_laura
      Participant

       grinning from Meg’s response…. Helloooooo lol  I love Pasta too!   I know exactly where you are coming from.  I’ve been reading the O magazine lately.  Lots on the topic of meditation, being the best you you can be etc etc.  Mindfulness and meditation seemed to be recommended (reading RG?)  I tried it a bit but boy oh boy I apparently need help.  Can’t stay focused for longer than a minute!  Which supposedly is why I need meditation!  We are in a rush to change now it seems.  Trying to make up for lost time?  The impatience of a CG?  We can’t forget to live the journey and not just worry about a destination.  I need to learn to take my own advice! well sometimes anyway.  Have a great weekend Kathryn.  I am just heading off to start my Friday.  Lucky duck, Friday night for you already.  xoxo take care,
      Laura

    • #23070
      kathryn
      Participant

      LOL Meg….thanks for that, you are an absolute hoot as always.  I will definitely give you a bell if i ever find myself buying a ticket to Italy!!!  While i know im on the road, i guess maybe im looking for that spiritual side of myself, if there really is one!!! 
      Angelina could play me anytime, although i think she would be a tad dissapointed if she saw me…lol.
      Laura, as always, my voice of reason, yes, i am impatient, and i need to stop and smell the roses more.  I wanted the boring mundane life, and now i have it im looking for a bit of excitement (not gambling related at all of course!!).  I feel i need something to look forward to, be it a fantasy, a wish, a goal, something to occupy my mind, to give me something to focus on. 
      I had word today that the house i rent is being appraised by 2 real estates next week.  I have that sinking feeling that we will be on the move again.  These are the times that i hate my addiction, i had it all, even the picket fence, and i lost it to gambling.  The thought of moving makes my stomach churn, its such a hard job, although im not planning anything just yet, i will wait and see what is happening first.  For once, im not jumping to conclusions, do you hear that Harry….the crystal ball is broken and im not looking to fix it.  What will be, will be, and perhaps if it does happen i will find somewhere i like even more.  Every cloud has a silver lining.
      Speaking of clouds, we just had the most amazing storm i have ever seen in my entire life…constant lightning for at least 40 minutes, massive thunder, and eventually super heavy rain.  I sat in my back room with my blinds open and watched it all.  I was thinking of the people of QLD,  when the cyclone hit, how terrifying it must have been for them.  I got the most amazing light show i have ever seen, the wonder of nature!!!
      Anyway, take care my friends,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23071
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Thought I would say hello as it seems that we never seem to run into each other any more!!
      I’ve had a bit of the wonder of nature this week. Thunder snow! I really can’t recall having heard that term before. We had lightening too, the wind so strong it blew tiny flakes of snow through my wall air conditioner and onto my shoulders as I sat at my computer.
      Oh well, off to work!
      Maybe this weekend?
      peace
      bettie

    • #23072
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn…
      Dont worry yet about the move untill you are told that you have to move as it may never happen and then you will have spent a lot of time worrying over something that didnt come about.. it is hard sometimes not to think what if, etc.. i know.. i worry about things sometimes and for some reason in the middle of the night things seem to be magnified ten times over.. hey hope you are having a good day whatever you are doing.. i saw the movie eat, pray love too, i didnt like it.. think i am the only one that didnt haha.. sorry.. but i know what you mean about the discovery and the journey.. you have been on a wonderful gamble free journey Kathryn and that in itself changed the course of your life for the better.. you are pretty amazing..
      P – Living and Learning

    • #23073
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      So So good to see you! Sorry I was so cranky but bettie+pain+4am = crabby girl! lol!
      Take care!
      bettie

    • #23074
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Aussie Girl:  Yeah, I’m back in in FINE form.  Exhausted after my shenanigans last night, had to force myself to go to work.  That being said, I sit here in absolute shame for being away and not even popping in for a quick hi now and then.  You said in one of your posts that you were a bit peeved with me, I don’t blame you.  I’m downright annoyed at me myself!!  No point living in the past though, I’m ready to move ahead.  Day one with only $20 in my wallet.  It’s going to take some getting used to … but, it’s also an opportunity for me to learn to handle money a bit better.  Perhaps I’ll grow some respect for the green stuff now. 
      I’m sorry to hear that there may be a move on your horizon.  Crossing everything that will cross that it isn’t so.  However, if it is, it will just have to be part of your adventure, right?  Kinda like my move to the stinky house.
      Will chat again soon, but absolutely bushed now … going to take a nap, which will ruin my night’s sleep, but I can no longer wait.
      Thanks for being here, as ever.
      Love, RGMay you be safe and happy.  May you be peaceful.

    • #23075
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi!  Just wanted to say hi, it’s been awhile.  Hopefully, you won’t have to move.  Keeping my fingers crossed for you.Seize all the good things in life

    • #23076
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      It has been a long and exhausting week for me this week, im sure i have been this tired before but i cant remember when.  We were short staffed at work and wow…the difference was incredible.  I was so happy when Friday came.
      Its hubby’s birthday today, we didnt really do anything, he had visitors most of the day and i pottered around the house trying to catch up on things from last week.   I feel a little bad really, as i have been so tired that i didnt even organise going out for dinner…i must make ammends there.
      So, pretty quiet here.  Apart from some noisy neighbours, all is well.  Another day gamble free.
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Take care,
      Kathryn x
      PS…doesnt look like we will have to move, very relieved about that!!!To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23077
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Thanks for the post.  I am trying to stay positive.  Glad you don’t have to move. Seize all the good things in life

    • #23078
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K:  Just a quick post because I’m dead tired.  No, I am not the head honcho yet, in fact, not even close.  Unfortunately everything moves at glacial pace in government and while they are very impressed with me, they don’t seem to be moving fast enough to create somethiing permanent for me.  But … the grass isn’t growing under my feet.  I’ve sent out tons of resumes again, and I’m hoping that I will have something by the end of March when this contract ends.
      Very busy day today.  Started putting the hardwood down in the living room and I can feel it in my back and bum tonight, let me tell you.  Nothing like swinging a rubber mallet and wielding a nail gun to get your frustrations out.  Very noisy job and much bend and bashing wood into place.  With luck, we will finish the lower level tomorrow.  The house is starting to look less and less like the dump we bought last June, but there is still much to be done.  I’m hoping to install new windows throughout and a new roof this summer.  The floors are looking gorgeous already … you’d be so impressed at how professional it looks.
      Anyway, I’m just back from visiting with my darling Dad for several hours.  He lives with my older sister and her husband and another sister came by.  We spent the afternoon crooning all his and my Mom’s favorite war time tunes.  It was hilarious … and he loved every minute of it.
      Now, back home and the boys and their Dad are watching a moving in the man cave and laughing their heads off.  I’m heading up to put on my "passion killer" flannels and curl up with my lovely new magazine.
      Wish Dames a happy birthday, and please do treat the lovely man to a special dinner !!
      Love, RG***I NEVER want to forget the clench of my stomach, the bile rising in my throat, the cold sweat, the tense, aching back and neck muscles, the desperate hollowness as I watch my last $20 disappearring … 9, 12, 15 quarters at a time.***

    • #23079
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Interesting weekend i have been having…..i have decided to try and take some control over the finances, consolodating loans and finding out how we can afford to buy a house one day….so i have made appointments for next week to see our accountant and a broker.  I rang to get some figures on what we owe on our loans and on the tax debt…turns out that we have had more tax piled on top of what we owe and we have hardly paid anything off…well, we have, but the figure has hardly dropped.
      I had to tell Dames…..it didnt go down so well.  That man has been looking for a fight all weekend.  He has been as snippy as hell, it doesnt matter what i do it isnt right…frustrating to say the least.  So, after the little tanty, to which i said that we cant have 1 adult conversation in our life, he calmed down.  Then it was something else, then something else, i bought cheap steak, his shorts were wet in the washing machine (something i did on purpose of course!!) on and on it went.  I was looking for a reason, was it male PMT, was it that he was tired, WHAT WAS IT?????
      Anyway….i had gone down to the street yesterday and found out that a friend of mine, who worked at the local pub was leaving for a new job.  I worked with her for 8 years on and off and they were having a surprise drink for her.  She has been there for 27 years, since she was 15 years old.  I rang Jode and we decided to go.  Left the men with the kids, and at 5pm we headed down.  It was a great night, i only had a few drinks (not a drinker) but i caught up with so many people i havent seen for a very long time, and the woman in question was really happy to see us.  There was speeches, cake and tears, it was just fantastic.  We left at 9, and i went back to Jodes for a coffee.  I got home at 9.45 to Dames, sitting on the chair, arms crossed…ugh.
      Now in his defence i did say i was going for an hour, but we have an unwritten rule in this house that an hour is never an hour.  He was livid.  I went straight to bed.  I looked out my window and what did i see????
      A FULL MOON!!! 
      Besides Meg popping into my head straight away, i knew the reason.  I should have known all along…lol.
      So an up and down weekend, the ups have been more than the downs.  Im staying well out of Dames’ way until this moon settles down!!!!!
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23080
      vera
      Participant

      Did you ask him what was wrong with him Kathryn?

    • #23081
      kathryn
      Participant

      A lightbulb moment….
      My feelings are not my own.
      I am happy when he is happy, i am sad when he is angry.
      The topic group was about trust.
      How can i trust myself…i cant trust my own feelings because they are not my own.
      They are his.
      I wait to see what his mood is so i know what my mood will be.
      Now THAT is bloody sad.
      Time to take back my feelings.
      Time to start living for me.
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23082
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hey K
      I don’t think this is unusual, I just think you’ve the courage & awareness to admit it, Take it back girl you deserve it. Why not also post it in the topic forum for others to think about?
      Have a great Weekend
      Take Care
      H
      "Occasionally it’s wise to doubt our doubts, to question our questions, and to re-think our thoughts."

    • #23083
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi K,
      just catching up.  On early hoping to catch a great aussie girl.  Our twins for once were acting a little different. Mine just getting his great big new toy of course, his mood is a little better. Normally a full moon can get him twisty.
      I have and am going through the same thing K so I think Harry is bang on.  To help myself I’ve been picturing myself as sturdy solid rock in a fast flowing stream.  I am entitled to have a "me".  I am entitled to have my own feelings wants and needs.  For once others need to go around me. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy when it comes to this.  I can’t always lay blame elsewhere.  It is hard to find the courage though sometimes to voice our own feelings. When having our own feelings may cause a rift. 
      But….some big changes have come from my new feelings.  And a lot of them have been good.  I’m so glad that you don’t have to move right now.  We have to deal with what comes along but i’d say most of us already have lots to contend with!
      Be kind to yourself this week.  You’ve had a rough one.  Sometimes a few days makes all the difference in the world.  ((( Kathryn )))
      Laura

    • #23084
      gunner27
      Participant

      Interesting Kathyrn, I havent read far back but I’m very familiar with being stuck in a controlling relationship.  I dont understand people who spend half their lives making people feel like cr*p, it’s normally because they are insecure themselves but that’s no excuse. I had  a girlfriend for two years who was insanely jealous every time I so much as talked to another woman, and eventually she became physically violent towards me and it ended up very serious before I finally walked out the flat. I’m not saying you have anything of that nature but it sounds like he needs a reality check; mind you,  you cannot change other people unless they want to change, like on here.

    • #23085
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      His shoulders were like barometers that determined the happiness I was allowed to feel. Straight and tall meant I could relax. Drooping meant keep the kids out of his way, walk on eggshells and agree.  My feelings were not my own and I think what you have written is terrific. I was not so brave.
        
      Live in comfort with yourself and your feelings. I do now and it works.
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #23086
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Saw your post to laura-that girl gets wiser every day-The female Larry I say!
      I had another thought about the rock. If he won’t swim around just bash him in the head with it till he gets it! lol!
      Marrage advice-not a strong point for me!
      peace
      bettie– 2/23/2011 4:03:59 AM: post edited by bettie.

    • #23087
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
       I am back like a dog with its tail between its legs, actually didnt think i would get back here… have a sponsor, meet with her once a week and ga twice a week so hoping i can get moving again.. funny thing is my illness tells me i have no illness.. hmmm sure is insane.. hope you are well, just wanted to say hi and let you know im back, thanks for posting
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23088
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I have a big day tomorrow.  I have made some appointments to try to organise hubby’s tax properly, as i have no idea what i am doing.  Im also going to a broker to try and consolodate some loans/debts we have, which could drop the payments and give us a little breathing space.
      Im not sure if i will be able to achieve this, but after years of procrastonating its time to take action.  It could be life changing, but if its a no go nothing will change, and we have been coping so i dont have a lot to lose here.
      I havent really slept for the last 3 nights, and im not sure if this is why.  Im not particularly nervous about it, after all, they can only say no….but perhaps thinking about all the things i need to take with me is playing on my mind. 
      Dames is extremely optomistic about all this which does make me nervous.  If we cant get the loan he is going to be cross, and that means that i will proboably cop a mouthful about it all being my fault.  I have ruined his credit, and im not sure if it is back to normal, but i know people with bad credit can get loans, and i can only try and keep everything crossed. 
      I am working this weekend which is why im off tomorrow.  Please keep your fingers crossed for me, im hoping that after my hard work something might just go my way!
      TC…Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23089
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Fingers and toes crossed K.  Hope it all works out.  Your full time employment should help I would think.  And Bettie, lol, we wouldn’t have husbands to worry about if we start bashing them in the head lol.  You crack me up what a hoot!    Sweet dreams Kathryn.
      Laura

    • #23090
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn
      I will cross everything but I don’t believe in luck.  You deserve to be treated well.  You are a fully paid up member of society and a credit to all who know you.
      I think that Bettie’s answer to obtaining a peaceful marriage may be going a little far, even though it would probably work!   Deaf ears work too and are far less drastic (no prison sentence involved) – I’ve got a good pair.  You ‘know’ you are not to blame so put plugs in your lugs, think about Bettie’s rock and smile enigmatically.
       Love
      V xxxxxxxx
       

    • #23091
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I hope you get the loan.  All you can do is try.Seize all the good things in life

    • #23092
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, the loan didnt pan out, this debt we have is holding us back, so what to do?
      Well, i know for sure that if we just keep going how we are going we will be completely debt free in 3 years, so thats a positive.  We are no where near destitute so thats a positive, we are both working so hopefully i will start paying more and we can get this thing done and dusted.
      While i was dissapointed, theres not much i can do and we are no worse off than we were when i woke up this morning.
      I do hope that now i can sleep a bit better….im sick and tired of being tired!!!!
      Take care all,
      Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23093
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, at least you tried.  3 years isn’t long, then you will be debt-free. I know how tiring it is, and how impatient we get.  We will be debt-free May 2012, and it has been a long haul. Our credit is not very good, but we are now paying our bills on time, with money left for groceries, and extras.  Stay positive!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23094
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I know you have been having a hard time re the debt.. just want you to know i think you are one awesome chickadee to have turned your life around so much.. thank god you are still not out there Kathryn…you have done so well and are always an inspiration regardless of what is going on.. things will work out somehow.. you and Dames can do it together.. i believe in you..
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23095
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I know, the medical bills are outrageous, but I am lucky to have insurance.  I can see how a major illness could cause you to go bankrupt.  Also, my cardiologist is one of the best here.  So, I will deal with the $4000 debt.  I will make payments, and get healthy again.  I know, I’m going on about my debts, and you are dealing with yours also.  We will both keep trudging on and will be debt free one of these days.  Boy, I will be celebrating on that day!!  Have a good day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23096
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good Morning,
      Another Monday…blah.  I worked all weekend, and Dames went to Melbourne with a friend to pick up a boat.  They took Dames’ car, and it broke down on the way…you can imagine the phone call i recieved at work.
      So….he has hired a car trailer and is making the 5hr round trip to pick it up…it is a costly exercise, he has lost a days wages, the trailer hire, fuel for his friends car, etc etc. Thankfully we have the money.  Although we dont know what is wrong with the car but as he only had it serviced 2 weeks ago it had better not be something related to that….the mechanic will not be popular.
      So i have my fingers crossed that its not something too serious, or costly for that matter.
      Im off to work, hope you are all well, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23097
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn hun 🙂
      looks like I missed you again.  Hope your day at work goes smooth. Was by to say hello   Tag you are it.
      Laura

    • #23098
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well im a little ashamed to find my thread on page 4….while i have been here every day as usual, i seem to just read and read and post very little.  Believe me when i say that there isnt a day i dont look on the site (at least twice!! lol)
      So, not a lot to report this week.  I had an appointment with a specialist on Thursday (nothing drastic) but i was in there for under 5 minutes and it cost me $146!!!!! While it makes me feel ill that a man can earn that much money in such a small space of time, im grateful the funds were there.  Plus i was happy with the result so i cant really complain can i??? Hmmm, i think i should move on then..lol.
      My son had a great time at camp, really enjoyed himself which was great.  We did miss him though, especially little Harry who just adores his brother. 
      Not such great news about Dames’ car.  Whatever it is, the mechanic cant work out why its doing what its doing as it shouldnt do it!  His advice….get rid of it.  So, Dames has been into town today, looking at a new car.  Of course he found one (no mucking around) so we have applied to re finance our car loan.  It seems that the interest rates have dropped considerably since we bought his last car, and even though we need more money, the repayments are actually less…go figure.  We just have to wait and see now.
      I went and had a haircut today…well, it was a trim, plus my mono needed trimming also…i now have 2 lovely shaped eyebrows..LOL.  When i finished i met Brea for coffee which was really nice as we havent been spending a lot of time together lately.  It was great to catch up and just have a chat.
      We are going away next month, all the family (mum, sister, neice etc) and we have gone to the same place every year.  This year the cabins at the caravan park have been removed in readyness for brand new ones.  We need 4 cabins, they only have 3 so unfortunately we have to stay at another caravan park.  Im not sure how it will go, we are not good with change but it looks lovely (much more expensive than the other one).  My week of bliss, going shopping in the little town, going to the amazing spa and mineral spring pool, it cant come quick enough for me.
      So, i hope you are all well and happy, we are going along fine here.  The weather in Melbourne was just glorious today, i think i may do something with the kids tomorrow, just to enjoy the last of summer.
      Take care all,
      Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23099
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I am glad your results from the specialist turned out well.. that is always good news.. also great you caught up with Brea for a coffee.. how nice!  Nice also on the haircut hehe, nice that you didnt walk out like i did last time with something resembling a mushroom haha.. sounds like a fun family time coming your way and not to mention the spa and mineral pool ahhhhhh bliss!! enjoy girl you so deserve it.. see you soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23100
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      OH, that vacation sounds like heaven!!  Sounds like things are going well for you.  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23101
      finding_laura
      Participant

      It was so good to see you even for a little bit.  Will be back to post more tomorrow when i get my second wind!  Enjoy your beautiful day. Laura

    • #23102
      thedeviliknow
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn…hope you enjoy your holiday. If your computer has overheated; try flipping it over and put the vacuum cleaner on the fan inlet and you’ll probably get a lot of lint and dust off the cooling heat sink fins that transfer the heat from your computer CPU. The extra cooling fan table is a good idea over the summer months but your computer should generally be able to operate without it. Good luck! Pleased to hear you are doing fairly well and watching the forum.My vice is the dice for life !!!

    • #23103
      levi
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, just wanted to check in on your thread and say hey. Thank you again so much for the wonderful and powerful chat the other night. For the first time in a long time I signed off my computer that night feeling positive and uplifted by the things we have discussed–and ever more determined. Thank you for making that possible for me.   Hope you had a great weekend and looking forward to your vacation sounds great!!  Small goals like that definetly help keep us going…..hang in there, you’re a very special person!!! lots of love—– Levi"We’d gone in search of the American Dream. It had been a lame f*ck around, a waste of time. There was no point in looking back. F*ck no, not today – thank you."

    • #23104
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey All,
      TDIK…thanks for the advice, if only i had known it would be that easy!!! LOL
      So, today wasnt one of my finest…..Work was insane, i lost a massive filling out of my tooth (my mind immediately goes to Colin!!) and i had parent/teacher interview today.
      I met with Baileys teacher.  All was fine, i was fine until he called me over to the desk.  He said hello, how are you?  I looked at him and started to cry…and cry….and cry.  I was so embaressed, he was totally unprepared for it, had no idea what to do (what do you do???)  I finally calmed down enough to say "im worried about my boy".
      So, after calming down i showed him the letter from the Dr he had seen.  We talked a bit about what was going to be done, when he would start the meds etc.  All the while i was on the verge of rolling into a sobbing mess on the floor.
      After the interview, which, by the way wasnt so productive, i left.  I sobbed the whole way out of the school, i sobbed in the car and i had to go to my mums to calm down before i went home.  I didnt want Bailey to see me like that, i looked, for a better word…..****.
      I was talking to a friend tonight, and her take on it was that this was the first time i really had to sit and talk about what was happening with my son.  I am so frightened for him, i worry to no end.  I do believe he will be ok, but i think that he is going to struggle….something i dont want to happen.
      I am exhausted.  But im wide awake at the same time.  I dont like feeling this way.  No one wants their child to be unhappy, to struggle and find everything difficult.  Im hoping this medication changes the way my son learns. 
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23105
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn sweetie,
      took me longer to get back then planned.  Gosh what a rough day.  You are frightened and I totally understand. When it comes to our children, well, I’m sure we would take on the world for them.  And it is scary when we don’t know what to do that is right.  Like looking for a battle but not knowing who or what you r fighting.  Thank God for a good night’s sleep.  I’m hoping things will look a little better in the morning.  And as far as breaking down in front of the teacher, well, if he wasn’t taking things too serious before I bet you he got a bit of a wake up call!!!  So anything that helps your son, including a teacher that is paying atttention, is a good thing.  ((( Kathryn ))) I hope we are able to talk soon!  Glad you were able to get some of that out.  Better out than in as Vera would say. Chin up.  One day at a time. Bailey already has the best medicine in the world.  A mom who will do anything to help him. 
      Now I’m off and running to work.  Pamper yourself a little tonight before bed if you can.
      take care,
      Laura

    • #23106
      p
      Participant

      Hi K
      Was so nice to see you in chat.. i left having the giggles with you and Marla.. my stomach is hurting from laughing.. things will turn out K.. there are definately solutions out there and i know you are doing your all and your son will see that.. Keep chatting, keep getting it out.. and K, thanks, i now have Xanadu song re running and re running in my brain !!!! arrrgggghhhhh
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23107
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn
      It wouldn’t have done Bailey’s teacher any harm to see a parent as concerned as you.  I’m sure he has had enough of the demanding, complaining type but a woman who is distraught should get a good message through to him and hopefully help him to appreciate how serious your concern is and how much he needs to keep a careful and kind eye on Bailey.
      As a fellow bubbler at embarrassing times – I apprecate what a clot you can feel but I have decided I would rather be the person capable of floods of tears at inapprorate moments than someone who doesn’t care.   Have you ever laughed tlll you cried – can be quite painful? 
      You are on the case with Bailey and I don’t thnk he could have greater or more understanding support.  With you behind him I doubt he will be so unhappy.  Teen years are a time when some unhappiness is par for the course I think – it is called growing up.
      Chldren who find things a bit difficult often turn out the best xxx 
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #23108
      finding_laura
      Participant

      I’m here I’m here lol
      was switching computers when my coffee finished running through!
      come backkkkkk

    • #23109
      finding_laura
      Participant

      hey Kathryn,
      it was sooooooooo good to finally catch up with you.  Have a good sleep in, may see you in Aussie morning 🙂 
      stay awesome!
      Laura

    • #23110
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      HI Kathryn, it sounds like you are doing everything possible to help your son.  Sounds like you needed to release some of your emotions, and that’s okay.  I would do anything possible for my kids (who are not kids anymore), and Grandson, so I know where your coming from.  Just don’t forget to give yourself a little care, and make sure you’re getting enough sleep.  Take care!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23111
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope you are feeling better today.. was hoping to catch you on the chat but looks like i just might have missed you too.. arrrggghh.. oh well, hope to see you soon.. good thoughts coming to you
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23112
      kathryn
      Participant

      I want to talk about my Dad this morning,
      My father died when i was 16.  I used to dream that i would come home from school to him sitting on the chair in the kitchen and when i would run to hug him my arms would go straight through him.  I havent dreamt of him for over 10 years, that is, until this morning.
      I dreamt i was in a nursing home and i knew my dad was there but i couldnt find him.  I asked one nurse who sent me one way, he wasnt there, i asked another nurse and she took me to him.  He was in navy pajamas, in a bed, the sides were up on the bed.  I looked at him and said ‘hi daddy’, and started to cry.  He looked at me and said ‘hello tootie" (his nickname for me).  I was leaning over the bed rails hugging him, i felt his hand on my back, and then i woke up.
      I woke up sobbing and im still sobbing now.  I cant stop, its coming in waves, its a very odd feeling.  What im so sad about is that the dream was so short, i was only with him for about 10 seconds.  I cant believe, after all these years that the feelings are so raw, its been 24 years since his death, which was sudden. I saw him before i went to school that day and never saw him again.
      My sister was talking about him the other day, after the Japan earthquake.  He was sent to Japan, to Nagasaki, after the war ended, and had a story about how they were all sleeping in tents, and when he woke up in the morning it was so quiet….there had been an earthquake during the night and the regement had been evacuated.  Dad, bless him, had slept through the whole thing and when he got up they had all left…lol. Apparently he was ridiculed for months by his army buddies!!!   Perhaps it was because of that, although we do talk about him often.
      I feel better that i have written that down, he will be on  my mind all day today.
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23113
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      You are the first person I know who has ever described dreaming about their Dad and woken up crying.
      When I dream about my Mum and Dad I wake up thinking that they are still alive and then I go through grief as I remember they are not and I always cry.  I want to go back to sleep and dream them alive again. They are so real and as you say the feelings are so raw.  I lost my Dad in 1980 and my Mum in 1984 but the dreams are so vivid and so real.  It is a painful way to start the day, so I feel for you. 
      How good this site is that through sharing we can feel less alone with deep thoughts that affect us.
      My head is full of my Mum and Dad now but the thoughts are lovely and not sad so thank you for writing your post
      Good morning Kathryn
                  and
      Goodnight from me xxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #23114
      levi
      Participant

      sorry to hear about your dream kathryn, that sounds so emotional… i can just imagine the affect it had on you 🙁 perhaps though it was a sign of your dad coming through to you in a dream to let him know he is still around you. i have had that happen to me sometimes. i am sending you some massive hugs my friend xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx—– Levi"We’d gone in search of the American Dream. It had been a lame f*ck around, a waste of time. There was no point in looking back. F*ck no, not today – thank you."

    • #23115
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just wanted to say hello to you today chickadee and hope you are going ok.. that dream of your dads sounded like him wanting to let you know he is somehow with you even if it is through the dreamstate.. he is probably watching over you like a guardian angel at this time when you are going through some stress… I hope you are having a good day today Kathryn.. your friend
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23116
      p
      Participant

      Hi again Kathryn
      I had to giggle at you in one of your posts to someone saying your happiness because of dry washing!! it made me laugh that is like me.. i bought myself a dish drainer and it was like the best thing ever.. hahha.. i was so excited and then i thought how the hell can i be excited about a dish drainer.. hehe what a cack, the little things that start creeping in when we dont gamble.. think this is a good thing really it shows we are happy with the simple things!! what a great way to be.. Hey and why is your thread back on page 3 hmmmm??? Not letting you sink backwards miss, you need to be back up the front page where you can be seen ok.. hope you are having a good day today.. maybe today there will be  another small wonder that brings you happiness..  i hope so.. hoping today you feel happy and new.. see you soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23117
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, just wanted to pop in and say hi!!  I loved the dream you had about your Dad!! I’m still having urges, but I am haning in there.  I don’t want to gamble.   Have a good day!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23118
      kathryn
      Participant

      P and Lizbeth, thank you for your posts and thanks P for bringing me back to the top
      I had a nice weekend, Saturday i spent at my besties, it was her sons 4th bday party and it was a lovely day, the weather was amazing and she had organised a baby animal farm.  The kids just loved it. I did have to have a nanna nap when i got home though, i was so exhausted!!!
      Brea and i decided to do some late night shopping,(after i finally got out of bed) and we went to Kmart, a store with everything, and had a lovely time browsing around, mind you, i spent more than i should of, and a whole lot on her…it was just lovely.
      Sunday i went to my sisters, its her birthday in a week and a half and i went and picked up her present.  She is always dropping off the kids prezzies early so i thought i would do it for her.  My other sister and i went halves in a beautiful outdoor setting,  the stools and table are mushrooms!!!  She has what i call a magic fairy garden and it just looked perfect.  I was really pleased, and i think she was too which made it all the better.
      Not doing much except work this week, Saturday night im going to a show with a few friends which i am really looking forward to, i think we are catching the train.  I dont take public transport much, and i love a train ride so it should be a wonderful night.
      I didnt catch up with many of you this weekend,  although i had some wonderful conversations on chat.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Stay strong, take care, Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23119
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hiya Kathryn
      Good to see you back up on top and to hear that all is well in K-land. 
      that’s it really – just wanted to say ‘hi’.
      Loads of Love
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #23120
      kathryn
      Participant

      Sad day for me today,
      My cat has been sick, i had him to the vet last week, a virus, they said.
      Today, i found him, i thought he was asleep but he wasnt.
      I had to tell the boys tonight, and while Harry was ok, Bailey cried for an hour.
      Not the best day in my life, thought about gambling for about half a second.
      Anyways, hope you are all well,
      Kathryn xTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23121
      jean
      Participant

      Hi Kath sorry about you cat.Well done on staying gamble free.Take care lifes to short

    • #23122
      finding_laura
      Participant

      So sorry to hear about Kitty and the boys of course.  Losing a pet can be so hard no matter how they respond to it.  Glad your thoughts only lasted half a second!  Mine have finally passed but was a really rough week or two with them.  Decided I’d rather be full and happy than skinny and urging!  So I’ve added some foods back into my eating plan and the doc can kiss my behind!  With that I have to go get ready for my appointment with him  
      I hope your day is a lot better tomorrow K.  Take care, sorry I missed you this weekend but you know I am always thinking about you.
      xo Laura

    • #23123
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I’m sorry about the cat, and it’s soo hard to tell the children.  I remember when my Grandson’s dog passed, he cried and cried.  And of course I cried because he was.  Glad it was only a fast urge for you. Glad you had a nice weekend. I like my Nana naps!!  Have a great day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23124
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Boy those life lession are really hard! Hope today finds you feeling good and urge free!
      Back to home redecorating for me. I will feel so glad when it’s done!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23125
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      HI Kathryn, I hope you are having a great day!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23126
      p
      Participant

      HI Kathryn
      I was happy to see you in group today.. the time changes allow us Aussies to catch a few again.. yippppeee… so sorry about the kitty but as i said earlier, that cat would have had a great home and life with you and your family.. as one door closes another opens, look for the open door… i hope you enjoy that facial, every second.. you deserve it.. hope to see you round again soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23127
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      P….i did enjoy that facial, it was fantastic but i found it soooo hard to relax.  I was talking myself through it…relax Kathryn….i kind of did, but not as much as i would have liked.  The upside is that my skin looks great!!!!
      I am going to Melbourne tonight, to the Xanadu show with 3 friends.  We are catching the train, something i havent done for over 15 years i would think. We are having dinner first, it should be great fun.  The reviews werent that good, but i loved the movie all those years ago…Olivia Newton John, Andy Gibb, rollerskates…i know every song by heart, yes, i am very sad!!!!!!
      Love you all,
      Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23128
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, the facial sounds fantastic, I’ve never indulged in one, but I will put that on my list of things to do or experience.  I remember Xanadu, hope you have great time, have fun!!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23129
      finding_laura
      Participant

      hi Miss Kathryn,
      may your weekend adventure be a good one.  To heck with reviews! Just the memories would be a blast.  Catch up with you soon.
      Laura

    • #23130
      kathryn
      Participant

      A quick note…
      Xanadu was AWESOME!!!!
      They didnt take it seriously, so  the memories were flooding back, but it was hysterically funny as well.
      What topped it off, was when it was over we went outside and there was a marquee with a 80’s band playing, who were amazing, looked like Durran Durran/Adam Ant….we danced for an hour and then came home.
      I had a brilliant time!!!
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23131
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Glad you had a blast and sorry I missed you.  Was late arriving for coffee this evening.  Will post more later. 🙂

    • #23132
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn!
      So thrilled to see you will be back! Of course your pm is my very early am but I’ll make a point of getting up to see you.
      Glad the show was fun. I love live theater. I went to a Broadway show when Jen was living in New Jersey. For mothers day she bought us front row seats for "The Rocky Horror Show", It was a blast, even though the critics panned it.
      Gonna run!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23133
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      My week has been ok, we have been busy,  recieved one death threat (seriously!!), thankfully she was a no show.
      I have tomorrow off as Bailey has his appointment with the paediatrition.  I think we are both looking forward to it, to see if there is help for this beautiful boy.  Its been a long long time coming.
      Today is my eldest sisters birthday, if she was alive she would have been 60 years old.  Those old timers here know of my struggle, how i gambled so much during her illness, even on the day she died.  I have come to terms with it, i have forgiven myself, it has been almost 10 years since her death, and now when i think of her i think of the fun we had, the wonderful person she was, the amazing party she would have thrown for her birthday, and, of course, how much i love and miss her.
      Im reminded how hard she fought to stay, which makes me apprecieate my life all the more.
      Happy Birthday Neicy, have a port on me!!!!
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23134
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      I am glad you have forgiven yourself. I know that if I had died when my CG was active I would hope that he would have forgiven himself. I think it is so sad that people carry the burden for something they can do nothing about. We cannot ever say ‘what if’ things had been different because they were not and such thoughts do us no good.
      None of us get the chance, I think, to say all we would like to say to another and death is such a great divider. I know my parents loved me and I loved them but occasionally I cringe at the thought of some of my behaviour growing up and wish I could change it but I can’t. I know they would only have told me I was daft to worry as all they wanted was my happiness just as your sister would have wanted yours.
      I would love to think that my family would think of my ‘departure’ with such thoughts as you have. If they raised a glass of Amaretto for me on my birthday I would like to think they knew I was happy for them. 
      I wish Neicy a happy birthday too and a special day for her kid sister who has come so far and of whom she would be very, very proud.
      I will be thinking about you and Bailey tomorrow. I think it is great that you are ‘both’ looking forward to it. 
      With loads of love to a very special person and her beautiful boy.
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #23135
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi K,
      checking in on you.    I can only imagine what it would be like to lose a sister.  I am positive that with the close bond us sisters have, that they still hear our messages from the heart  .  And I truly hope that it has lifted a burden I know you must have been carrying around all these years. 
      Hope everything went positively with Bailey’s appointment, yesterday now for you I guess. Friday for you now, you are on your home stretch to the weekend!  Work for me tomorrow, yes still only Thursday night for me.  But then thank heaven the weekend will be here.
      Stay strong my girl, your sister would be VERY proud of you.
      luv Laura

    • #23136
      kathryn
      Participant

      I hate being bull****ted.
      Especially by my husband who ‘pretends’ to be interested in what i say and ‘pretends’ to listen and ‘pretends’ to care.
      I posted not so long ago about a night out at my old venue, how he went and gambled, how i came home and went beserk on the house….he had come home saying that he didnt realise just what his gambling did to me, how it affected me, how he would never do it again.
      liar.
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23137
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I do preface my reply with ‘I don’t know about your husband but as a non-CG the following is my take on your post’.
      I have only ever been in a casino once. It was seedy and strange and I have no desire to go back. It seems that nowadays though they are places where friends go for an evening. Did you husband go with a crowd of mates and feel he could not be the one to be left out?   The sheep instinct is common with a lot of people and you have risen above that but maybe he feels he doesn’t have to make the effort. Maybe he feels his actions harmless.   
      Is it his lie that has hurt you or is it the fact he has gambled?
      Have you asked him not to gamble?
      Do you feel he should stand shoulder to shoulder with you?
      I am trying to understand why he did it and also why you are so upset. I think he can be interested, I think he can care but he hasn’t got the addiction and maybe thinks ‘why not?’ It is not my way but that is me.
      I think if it is a lie about gambling that has upset you – maybe you should ask him why he lied rather than why he gambled! Don’t go berserk but listen.  Allow him to tell you if he felt weak.  If you descend on him like a ton of bricks you will never find the truth and if there is another time it will be hidden x
      Don’t let this damage you. You have been through too much and succeeded.   
      How did you get on with Bailey? I hope it was a successful meeting for both of you
      Love as Ever
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       

    • #23138
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I dont know girl, i would be mad too.. I think its pretty cruel !! I am sure if your husband was an alcoholic you wouldn’t come home drunk to him.. i totally get if you are upset, you have worked extremely hard at this addiction.. to me, he is aware of what devastation was caused and how hard you have worked and to me it would feel like a slap in the face that he decides its ok for him.. doesnt show much support.. grrrrr i actually felt angry reading it.. i do know what velvet is saying.. but i also see from this side too that that would be hard to take.. maybe you could talk to him and tell him about how hard you have worked at this recovery, how upsetting it is to you that he has lied about this and why he feels the need to go gamble himself.  That is just my view though, i totally understand.. i guess because i know how hard we have to work to be gamble free.. i just find with peoples knowledge of this and then going out and doing it themselves is a bit insensitive.. You have done exceptionally well on this journey Kathryn and you have been through many things along the way and you have got through all of them.. dont let this one be any different, let it make you all the more strong..
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23139
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you Velvet and P for your replies.
      Now that i have calmed down i will explain myself, i was soooo angry last night and after a good sleep i can talk about what happened..which, was the icing on the cake yesterday.
      I will start with Bailey.  V, we did have a good visit with the paed, he has been put on medication that we are trialling.  I started yesterday morning with 1 and a half tabs, we had lots of trouble with him getting them down, ice cream was the way in the end!!!  So, i had a massage to go to and wouldnt be home for his lunch time dose so i explained to Dames many many times what time, how many, how to give it etc.
      I went to my appt and when i came out i rang home.  Bailey was due to have his meds 2 hours before i rang.  I asked Dames how Bailey went, "oh, i completely forgot".  I was enraged, such an important thing, one little thing for him to do that day and could he get his mind off himself long enough to do it????? No.
      Needless to say i wasnt in a good mood when i got home.
      We had a 21st birthday to attend last night, it was at my venue, the place i lived in and loved for so many years, one that i can go to now, but cannot step foot in the gaming area.  Im not comfortable there, but as the party was there i went.  I was sitting in the smoking area, i could see Dames pacing back and forth and i knew, i just knew that he was dying to get into those machines.  I said nothing, and then he came up to me and said ‘im just going to chuck $10 in the indian (or whatever it was called).  I said nothing.  He went in.
      Now, my issue is not that he gambled.  When we went last time, i left him out there and i came home.  At home i tidied up, i cleaned out the bill box, i cleaned the bathroom, it was when he came home and saw that i had done all this that he realised how difficult it was for me….that i was filling my time, taking my mind off it.  I hadnt really given it much thought myself, but he was really sorry, he said he wouldnt do it again, he didnt want me to feel that way again.  That is my issue here.
      I am the cg in this house, i take full responsibility for that, i dont expect anyone to not gamble because of me.  But the fact that he gave me this huge speil, and more to the point, that i BELIEVED him, infuriates me.
      Anyway, im feeling better today, luckily for him i dont hold a grudge, its a waste of energy.
      Im having a lazy home day today, hopefully i will catch up with some people on chat.
      Hope you are well and happy,
      Love Kathryn xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23140
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      Oh men! Can’t live with them, can’t live with them! LOL! I know that saying is different but I see your post and see what my sister is going through and I don’t feel so bad about being alone. I know, take the good with the bad but I can be so stuborn one of us would be in jail and the other dead!
      Hope u have a restful day. It is a lovely evening but I am grounded. Not feeling well and Jen has my car so I am stuck but it is ok. I need the rest.
      I did shop today for my baby great niece- 1 year old already! OMG! Where did the year go? Cake and ice cream tomorrow-can’t wait!
      loads of love!
      bettie

    • #23141
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, it was soo good to see you on chat today. I would have been upset at your husband too, for fogetting Bailey’s meds.  That is something very important, not to be forgotten.  My husband doesn’t gamble very much, so he doesn’t go anymore because I don’t.  I don’t know how I would feel if he gambled when I am working on being GF.  We can’t stay mad at them for long, or we’d all be divorced.  I get angry at him, (about the drinking), but it is his addiction, like my gambling addiction.  I’m getting help, but he refuses.  Well, I hope you had a good day!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23142
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      i’m up early having coffee before work.  I got myself mostly ready and organized figuring I’d take part in your group this morning.  But seems it’s not at a time I can go.  Has that changed?   Anyway my friend, will just send you best wishes for your evening. 
      take care,
      Laura

    • #23143
      female g
      Participant

      thanks for the good wishes as usual I love the support you so kindly give to your cg family.  Hope you have the best time too and though i haven’t read up on too many posts lately I am proud of you for just working through all the sh.. that is comng your way. Well done and hopefully this week of holiday time will make up for the not so fun stuff. G

    • #23144
      vera
      Participant

      Thanks for your post Kathryn!
      Part of me is back but I still feel I have left a big part in so many wrong places!
      Cheers!

    • #23145
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Im working this weekend, ive had today and yesterday off which was nice as i got a fair bit done at home.  I am going away Monday, will be back Friday.  Im really looking forward to that.  The kids broke up from school today for 2 weeks, luckily i only have 4 days that i need them looked after in that time. 
      My sons medication is kicking in, although i do notice when it wears off in the afternoon, tonite he has been that moody, cranky and mean to his brother.  I know he cant help it, but his brother adores him and it makes me mad when he treats him like dirt.  We are just staying out of his way at the moment and i hope he can calm himself down.
      Well im about to join the topic group, hope to see some of you on the weekend, it wont be until evening my time but ill do my very best!!!
      Take care my lovely’s,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23146
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Hope you are having a good day today.. I know its the weekend for us so am hoping to catch you on the chat at some stage so we can catch up.. how did the house go??
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23147
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope you are having a great time in your week off, wooohooo, hope you do some nice things for you in that time!  Enjoy yourself.. look forward to catching up again soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23148
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, hope you are having a good week.  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23149
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all, well I’m on my holiday, hasn’t been the greatest, dames has been horrendous as he doesn’t like where we are staying so the last few days have been pretty ordinary. Personally I think it’s lovely and the cabins are great so I’m doing my best to ignore him and it seems he is coming around….I don’t particularly care, he has done his best to ruin my week and as hard as I’ve tried not up let him we are in a small space so it’s not that easy.
      The only saving grace has been my sister, we have been to the spa and are returning this afternoon, it’s so relaxing and is a lovely hour spent with my lovely sister.
      I have been reading the forum, as I now have an iPhone I have been able to pop on for a read.
      The weather has been shocking, freezing And raining. I hope you are all well, I am making the most of my last few days here as best ican, it’s times like this you really evaluate your life, your wants and needs…and your ‘definitely don’t need’.
      Bye for now, kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23150
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      HI Kathryn, enjoy your last few days of vacation.  The spa sounds lovely!!  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23151
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well im back from my trip.  Not the best one ive had, but overall it was lovely (apart from Dames of course!)
      I spent a lot of time at the spa, it was beautiful, imagine a huge pool of mineral water, heated like a bath.  You can just float around, one whole wall is a massive window looking out onto a creek and trees, yesterday we even saw a kookaburra!!!  Then there is the spa, also pretty huge, i always feel so amazingly relaxed when i get out.  We went every day!!!  That part of my trip was just wonderful.
      We were out the door at 8am, Dames had the car packed pretty quickly.  Driving home i got a sms…my friend won 2 tickets to a comedy festival on the radio and wants me to go..woohoo.  It should be great and boy could i use a laugh.
      Ive missed the forum, i tried connecting to the helpline and a group but my iphone wouldnt let me do it so i just read.  It was lovely to be able to keep up with the forum.  It also kept me sane as i was pretty sad the first few days. 
      The one thing that blew me away was my son.  He is on his medication and my god, it is amazing.  He was so calm, not one fight was had with his brother and the one time i thought there would be…he just let it go.  Incredible.  If you knew just how full on he can be,  how quickly his temper can flare up, well, you would be astonished…i certainly was.  I am going in to pick up his permanent prescription shortly and thankfully he will only be on 1 tablet per day from now on.  There was no stress, hmmmmm, perhaps his father could do with a tablet or two!!!!!!! LOL
      Anyway, i look forward to catching up with you all, the week, as usual, went way too quickly, but it is nice to be home.
      TC….Kathryn xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23152
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Kathryn, the spa sounded heavenly.  I am soo happy that your son is responding well to his medication. That must be such a relieve for you. Slip your husband a few pills!!!  Ha-Ha!!!  Have a good day!!1Seize all the good things in life

    • #23153
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      HI Kathryn, thanks for the post.  My Nephew who called for money is 22 years old, and although I know it’s hard now to get a job, I don’t think he tries.  He has a place to live, so I know he has shelter.  I really can’t afford to help anyone right now, I am using any extra money for medical bills.  I always feel guilty when I can’t make others happy.  It is a bad trait, I was raised to be a people pleaser.  I am trying hard to change this, as it leads to people trying to take advantage.  I am getting better about saying NO!!  It is something I will work on, and it will take sometime to change.  I really want to get some answers from this sleep test.  I can’t go on not sleeping well, and I hate taking sleep aids.  Thanks for caring Kathryn, I hope you had a great day.  Take care!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23154
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      That is such fantastic news about your boy, yippeee that is such good news.. I wish your holiday had gone better for you though.. sounds like there was some stress there with hubby.. i guess look on the bright side, maybe if you were still gambling you wouldnt have been on a holiday at all?   Hey the comedy festival sounds fun!! that will be so good and  maybe just what you need to get out and have a good laugh!! cant wait to hear how it was
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23155
      kathryn
      Participant

      Oh boy am i struggling,
      My hubby has been out to my club, ive tried everything, i changed the bed, i folded the washing, i have my ipod going and i have been dancing and singing around the house….and i still want to go.  i havent had an urge like this for a long long time, and i want to scream.
      I will not go, i cant for 1, im excluded, and i will not jeopardize my recovery.
      Im only going to say it once…I WANT TO GO!!!!!  And breathe out Kathryn.To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23156
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      HI Kathryn, stay strong and don’t let anything jepordize your recovery.  You can do it!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23157
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn

      Oh boy am i struggling, … Im only going to say it once…I WANT TO GO!!!!! 

      Good morning Kathryn,
      I can not imagine how you must feel with your husband going to your old club; I have feeling about people I do not even know when I see them going to the casino at my bus stop.  My feeling are ones of resentment more than an urge to join them, but I do think that if they were close to me the desire to be with them might replace the resentment. At that time the proper thought would be not to harbor selfish thoughts, but to be acceptable to them having a good time, even if without me; after all we can not join them in every activity; there are things that can not be done together.  
      Adding a CG’s urge to gamble to a desire to be with a loved one does complicate the situation and is where we must use rational thinking and the strength that we have gained in our recovery program; we must take the time to play any gambling actions trough from the beginning to the end, to let us clearly see what the outcome would be.  It would be mush better to welcome him home than to blame him for dragging you off to your demise (even when it would be you going by your choice, not by his will).
      Maybe you saw his declaration a few months ago that "your problems or my problems" as a commitment for him to not gamble anymore, and maybe my "man’s view" that he would not involve you in his gambling anymore is entirely off base; but even if he is not living up to your expectations, be thankful that he is sticking to not asking you to be at his side or going to the bank for him for more money; recognize that the urges are coming from you and not from him tempting you or placing you in that situation.
      You saying "I WANT TO GO" only once, has to be countered by your saying "I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT GO" over and over again. Stay strong and ride the urges out, the urges will not harm you and will subside. The real hurt and resentment may take a little longer.
      God’s speed.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23158
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn,
      You know that I don’t understand but I am on the sidelines cheering you on. 
      I do have some ‘not so good thoughts’ about Dames going to your club and I think that you show that you are the stronger by far in resisting. He is a selfish ….. ……   ……. !!   sorry couldn’t help myself. 
      Being F&F does not mean that we are understanding, kind and considerate. We are human beings without an addiction but we can have some pretty nasty traits too. I am always so sad when I hear that a CG who has made such a courageous fight for their life is let down by the selfishness of an F or F.
      I can think of nothing redeeming to say about Dames at the moment so I will sign off but I will say thank you so very much for contributing to the F&F topic group. We need CGs to help us know what we have done or are doing wrong – for instance it would be good if Dames understood a lot more. I think I am not alone in glaring at the screen when I read about his behaviour.!!   F&F’s concern is often understanding what is right if a relationship is to continue and coming to terms with what went wrong.  We can get no better guidance than a CG who has committed their life to being gamble-free and is willing to share with us. Thank you. xx
      It is such terrific news about Bailey and I am so pleased. I hope he goes from strength to strength.
      Loads of Love and well done on being strong xxxxxxxxxxxx
      V xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       
       
          Velvet

    • #23159
      vera
      Participant

      OK KATHRYN!

      you have two choices!
      To gamble or not to gamble!
      I had those same choices to make recently…
      I FREELY chose the first one!
      WRONG CHOICE!
      some people say there is no right and wrong. I disagree!
      We have to face the consequences of our choices!
      Start by thinking of the consequences Kathryn and it will keep you on the right track.
      Did you read the Gift for today that Ken sends by e mail?
      The Tightrope?
      hold out your arms and balence!
      I KNOW you wont give in K!
      I always WANT to gamble!

    • #23160
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Sorry to hear of those urges, it gave me a shock to read that on your thread.. I find it like a bit of a torture having your husband go to your old venue.. is there anywhere else he can go?  I know people say that is ok because he isnt a cg but i find it so inconsiderate.. if he had an addiction would you do that?  seems selfish to me out of all the things he could be doing and knowing what it has done to you, anyway, thats my rant and i know you wont be gambling because you are banned but i really know that you want to… i want to almost every day!! but, i am sure you got a lot done at your place.. hehe.. with those headphones on belting out songs and doing a wiggle round the house.. I admire you Kathryn.. you have come leaps and bounds down the recovery road and faced man things along the way.. the good thing is the urges always pass.  I face them on a daily basis and am just waiting for the day i dont have any.. it is that mental battle.. i feel like i am Two people, the cg and the non cg arguing in my head.. focus on going to that comedy night and maybe ring your bestie!!! I know you always have fun with her, nothing like some girl time to take your mind of those urges.. always here for you
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23161
      kathryn
      Participant

      Liz, Larry, Velvet, Vera and P,
      Oh, i cant thank you all enough, my wonderful friends. 
      The urge has passed, he came home saying he had ‘fun’.  I said to him, ‘if/when you go again, please dont tell me.  Lie.  Because i cannot deal with it.’  He replied with ‘sorry love’.
      I spent last night on chat.  It helped a lot. 
      Im going out tonight with a friend from work, to the comedy night.  Im looking forward to it.  A good laugh is just what i need at the moment.
      I cannot stress enough how important that self exclusion is to me.  Having that in place is a godsend.  I can also see that i have had plenty of stress the last few months, with Bailey, the worry, and the last week away, which was not pleasant at all and stressed me to no end has not helped matters.  
      This is my recovery.
      This is my life.
      I am strong, and i know i can get through anything.  
      Thank you all soooo much, it really  means the world to me,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23162
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Kathryn, have fun at the comedy night.  Laughing is good for us. Seize all the good things in life

    • #23163
      gunner27
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn, just want to say well done for winning that fight, good for you. I think it shows the reality of our condition, that however far down the line we are in recovery it is still something that can come back and bite us on the behind at any time. Obviously like the others I dont think much of your bloke’s behaviour but partners and people in general simply dont get how serious the CG condition is and its not something we always like to advertise ourselves, which is why this place helps so much.
      Enjoy the comedy, one of my favourites is Harry Hill, he comes out with some great stuff like ‘My dad always used to say , fight fire with fire…..which is probably why he got kicked out of the fire brigade’.

    • #23164
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      checking in, I haven’t been doing much reading or posting, if i get an hour or so in chat i’m usually doing good these days.  I’m so happy to hear about the medication having a positive affect as it can be such a big choice to make. I’m thinking about you this morning.  You know i’m never too far away.
      Laura

    • #23165
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope you are having a good day today.. hope to catch you soon in chat sometime
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23166
      kathryn
      Participant

      Lizbeth, Gunner, Laura and P, thank you for your posts, they are, as always, much apprecieated.
      So, its easter time.  Happy easter to you all!
      i am on day 2 of a 5 day break.  I have been busy cleaning the house, which im afraid doesnt look that way! 
      Yesterday i went back to our holiday destination with one of my friends from work.  I had left my jeans there, dont ask me how, and i had taken one of their pillows so we made the trek to do the swap.
      We had a great day, we shopped, ate, attended an art show, it was the nicest day ive had for quite some time.  We also laughed a lot which i felt i really needed.  She is a great friend and although we havent been friends for long we clicked right away.  We seem to have an underlying understanding of each other at work, and only need to glance at each other to know what the other is thinking.  Its great to have a friend at work, sure, the other girls are great but its lovely to have someone there that i can trust and talk to and know that what i say will go no further.
      Today we got a new addition to our family.  Our little girl Hailey (named after Harry and Bailey) was chosen by us and bought home.  Oh but she is gorgeous.  Theres something about a baby animal that makes you go all silly.  I do hope she is good at catching mice because they are becoming a bit of a problem here!!! Although if she isnt we will love her anyway!!!  I got a cat that was totally different from our last one.  She has kept us all busy all day!!
      So im playing easter bunny shortly, once i can get the kids to sleep!!!  It will be chocolate city tomorrow and chocolate hangovers tomorrow night!! lol
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Love  Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23167
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, glad you had a good time with your friend.  My friend (walking) and I laugh everytime we are together.  It is nice to have someone to share with and enjoy yourself with.  Have a Happy Easter!!!  Oh, your new baby sounds soo cute!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23168
      kathryn
      Participant

      Im tired at the moment,
      Im tired of trying to work out what is going on with my husband.  We are on week 4 of horrific mood swings, tantrums, tiptoeing around the house, holding my breath when anyone comes over in case he is not happy.
      Im wondering when i get my happy?  My peace?  It seems that right now peace is just a word to me.  I dont know what it means.  I fear that i will never know. 
      Before anyone asks…yes, i have tried to talk to him.  I am being a drama queen, im trying to have a D&M…for gods sake.  I started laughing in the kitchen tonight after that one.  We barely speak, unless it is something he wants to say…a D&M?  What an absolute joke.  He asked me what i was laughing at.  I said ‘us’.  Because it is so pathetic it is laughable.  Ive never felt so unhappy as i do right now.  I dont know what to do.  He wont speak to me, unless its fishing or football.  Was it always this way and i never noticed because i was gambling?   No wonder i gambled, who wants to live like i do…..not me.
      Kathryn xxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23169
      p
      Participant

      Kathryn
      I am sending you a super squishy hug, i feel like wrapping you in a blanket and giving you a hot chocolate and chatting.. I am so sorry this is happening for you at the moment.. i did have a thought, what if your husband is a CG?  maybe he goes more than he says, maybe he cant speak of it.. because he knows what you have been through?  this may not be the case at all but i know you have mentioned he gambles a couple of times.. its easy for us cg’s to hide isnt it.. it could be many reasons but this one popped out at me.. whatever it is Kathryn.. i hope it improves, you deserve that happiness now, you have worked so hard at this.. and come soooo far.. do something to feel good about you, get together with your friend, have some girl time.. play with the kids, see what pans out with hubby, he may come round.. give it some time.. it will be ok Kathryn, maybe its just a rough patch.. thinking of you
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23170
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      It was my youngest sons birthday yesterday, he was 7 and today was the big birthday party.
      I hired a jumping castle, it was awesome, and massive, i didnt realise just how big it was and as soon as the bloke had left, i was on!!!  We had about 12 kids, including mine.  It was a great day, couldnt have asked for better weather, sunny, no wind, glorious. 
      Most importantly, Harry had a wonderful day. Brea made an amazing cake, the kids had a ball.
      It was lovely to be able to do this for him, he is still secretely smiling to himself about it all.  Not so long ago there would have been no chance…gambling prevented me from not only being unable to afford it, but to have the brain capacity to organise it.  It has given me a sense of pride and achievement today, and although im exhausted, im secretly smiling too.
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23171
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning my glorious girl 🙂
      You are exhausted and I am just starting my day.  7am as i write this.  I’m so proud of you I’m absolutely beaming!  Of all the rewards of being gamble free i think being able to be present for our loved ones, in their lives, in their day is the biggest gift of all.  Can I come play in the castle too? lol  Being able to be present in the day, and like you say, the days that led up to the party, otherwise there wouldn’t have been one like this, is really almost a miracle when we see where we came from.  I’m happy to hear you have found a true mate at work.  Friends are blessings.  Well, I’d better get some work done on my finances, ick.  Have a relaxing evening K.
      xo Laura

    • #23172
      jenny46
      Participant

      hi katheryn
      just thought i’d say hello, and thanks for your insight. Hope things are better for you and more positive, lovely to chat with you and hope to do so again soon, you are in my thoughts a lot lately xx
       

    • #23173
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HARRY!  I’m sure he had a wonderful day, and I’m glad you were able to do it for him.  I am grateful of all the good things that happen when we are gamble free.  I love those jumpy things, they are soo fun!!!  Have a great day!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23174
      female g
      Participant

      Hey K miss you lots… I see that the hubby needs a good slap upside the head. Dosen’t he realize what a beautiful person you are inside and out. You do so much for so many. What’s wrong with these men sometimes.G

    • #23175
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I remember i used to write funny things that had happened to me…..
      I have one….lol.
      My son Harry called me at work today, telling me that he needed new shoes…his were ‘stuffed’ as he put it.  This meant that i had to go to Kmart to get new ones.  He then says to me ‘i need the ones that are the same as my blanket’????? Which blanket i ask, the one on my bed he replies.
      I am scratching my head…. i dont know what you mean i say.  Well, he says, the ben 10 blanket on my bed.  What he wanted, i finally worked out, was for me to buy him the shoes, that Ben 10 was wearing on his doona cover.  LOL.
      So, off i go to kmart, and while i couldnt get him the ones that Ben 10 is wearing, i got a great pair, plus another pair of running shoes for good measure.  He loved them both and can run very fast in both pairs!!!
      Got to love kids….
      K xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23176
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, my grandson loves ben 10.  He has a thing about shoes ( almost a fetish).  He likes the light up shoes.  The other day he asked if we could go to the store, I figured he wanted a new toy.  He wanted a pair of shoes.  Well, he didn’t get them, Dad had just bought him a pair 2 weeks ago.  He has 2 pairs of sneakers, hiking boots, and new sandles.  That cracks me up, he’s only 5!!!  Yes, you got to love them.  Kids are soo funny!!!! That’s what counts, how fast they can run, the shoes make the difference to them. Take care and have fun with Harry!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23177
      bettie
      Participant

      So Funny about kids and shoes!
      Jen used to take every shoe in the house and line them up across the front room floor ( she was just walking ).
      God help u if u needed to take a pair!
      hope to catch u soon!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23178
      finding_laura
      Participant

        They are a joy when we are clear headed enough to focus on them and enjoy them.  Imagine you had just lost a bundle in the slots the day before he called.  Man that would have been quite a different conversation for me anyway.  The stress meter would have racheted up about ten notches and i would have been trying to figure out where to get the money from.  Not to mention how i could manage to get enough to gamble too…. Maybe I could win enough for shoes…. wow, glad your conversation was as it should be K.  Be proud!
      Don’t work too hard this weekend.
      laura

    • #23179
      linnie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Hope you’re doing well.  I’ve been doing some reading, which for me can be just as therapeutic as writing.  When I saw that you have 153 pages to your thread, I realized that this is a book, and I’ll need to break it down into chapters (lol).  Read enough to know that you’ll soon be approaching one year, and that, my dear, is a major accomplishment.  It looks like you’ve faced many challenges along the way and have handled them all in such positive ways.  You should be very proud of yourself.  Take care and have a good weekend. 

    • #23180
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you my lovely girls for your posts…
      I am working this weekend, today was a good day, pretty cruisy and i was able to do some much needed catch up jobs that have been overlooked in our busyness.
      I came home, and the house looked like a bomb had gone off…dishes still in the sink from this morning, beds not made, crap everywhere, needless to say im not too pleased.  I had also sprayed the oven last night and was so tired did not have the strength to clean it so after my days work i have scrubbed, washed, made, tidied while hubby has watched the football without so much as a word…hmmmmm.  Dont get me started!!
      Tomorrow is mothers day here and although i am working we are going to dinner at Breas.  She does tend to cook things a little left of centre and while i do try my best to eat it sometimes it is not that easy…LOL.
      I am also going out for dinner tonight, master lazy and i are going out with my sister and her family, to a posh restaurant.  She has insisted that she pays so today i went and bought her a lovely card and dvd…she is a wonderful sister. 
      I should go and start to get ready, i hope you are all well and happy,
      TC…Kathryn xxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23181
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Enjoy Kathryn! My plans this morning include being a painting assistant!  My lovely sister is coming to paint my bathroom for me god bless her.  Have a happy Mother’s Day tomorrow.  Miss ya.
      Laura

    • #23182
      maria123456
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Just wanted to thank you for your support:) I really need it now too. You know that. I too have been trying to read through all of your pages….YOU are doing awesome my friend This is one tricky addiction I think. Amazes me sometimes how the urges come out of nowhere..and so very strong at times!!! I am trying my hardest. Thanks again for being here for me. Maria

    • #23183
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Sounds like you have Two nice dinners to look forward to that is wonderful… Mothers day is here.. hope you have a good one.. I am not doing anything really so thought i would come online and do some posts.. havent seen you in ages so wanted to say hi and hope you are having a good day
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23184
      kathryn
      Participant

      Roast chicken and sticky date pudding with icecream…no left of centres tonight, just a whole lot of YUM!!!!
      Had a lovely day, got spoilt absolutely rotten for mothers and so i should!!!  Beautiful bracelet, slow cooker, but my favourite was the knee blanket the kids made for me (well, Brea made it but the boys helped pick colours, fabric etc), its like a patchwork quilt but only small, and they have decorated a patch each on it…bought tears to my eyes.
      Well, im headed for chat, thank you all for your posts…
      Kathryn xxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23185
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I’m glad you had a good Mother’s Day, you deserve it!!! Take care!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23186
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Sounds like a fantastic day .. i didnt have anything different mothers day than a usual day but i gave myself a fantastic gift… all for me!!! i remained gamble free, cant get a better gift than that hey.. and yours was too.. look forward to seeing you around again soon have missed you on chat lately
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23187
      linnie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Hope you’re doing well.  After doing some more reading this morning, I realized that I screwed up when I said you were coming up to one year.  So sorry.  This is 2011 and you started this journey in 2009.  That would be two years.  Yes, if I really put my mind to it, I can still count.  Still trying to get up to speed with everyone and spending more time reading.  I’m going to try to join in on Friday’s topic discussion.  It should be an interesting one.  I just want to say that you are doing such an awesome job.  Continued best wishes.  Linnie

    • #23188
      kathryn
      Participant

      So so tired,
      but have been checking in.  Thanks for your posts Linnie, P and Lizbeth.
      Take care my friends,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23189
      kathryn
      Participant

      Things are not going well at the moment.
      Im not exactly sure if i still have a marriage.
      The thing is, im not so much sad as i am scared.
      I will see what tomorrow brings, asses the situation, and take it from there.
      I know, that whatever happens, i will be ok.
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23190
      jean
      Participant

      Hi (((Kath))) So sad to read your post.Dont know what to say really only take care you lovelly lady.xlifes to short

    • #23191
      linnie
      Participant

      Kathryn, thinking of you as you go through this uncertain time.  I hope everything works out for the best.  Stay strong!  Linnie

    • #23192
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all, I’m doing ok , things have settled a little. My computer has packed up and imnot sure how to fix it. Could someone please contact the helpline and let them know thAt im not sure if I will make group on Monday night. It would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance, k xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23193
      janey
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I am glad you are feeling better.  Don’t worry about the group on Monday we will be able to cover.
      Kind Regards
      Janey

    • #23194
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      got that dang computer fixed yet?  Mine has been freezing for an hour here or there when the virus scan runs.  It is getting so old and tired my poor PC.  Miss you.  Prayers and good vibes being sent your way.
      Laura

    • #23195
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Just wanted to say hello, and I hope that everything is okay.  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23196
      p
      Participant

      Hi kathryn
      Just wanted to say hi, dont want to keep a thread of my own at the moment for privacy reasons but hope to catch up with you in group some day soon, hope all is well for you i know you had a few troubles recently just hoping you are ok
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23197
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      Just trying to catch up on some threads.
      I hope things are settling down for you and yours.
      Stay strong-you are one tough chick!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23198
      female g
      Participant

      hope the good days alway out weigh the bad days you so deserve it for all that you have accomplishedG

    • #23199
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Im not really back, im just on my besties computer…..oh how i have missed this site, and all of you……
      Im hoping to be back on line by the end of the week, and then you will all be sorry….LOL.
      Anyway, im ok, and i hope you all are too…..cant wait to catch up on your threads, and thank you so so much for your posts, i nearly cried when i opened it up…
      Love you all, Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23200
      vera
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      It must be coming up to your 2nd anniversery soon. We met when my sister passed away two year ago next Friday. RIP!
      Time flies Kathryn!
      Unfortunately, instead of using that time, I am wasting it AGAIN!
      DAY ONE!!!!

    • #23201
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good to see a post!!!  I hate to say it but I was starting to get antsy…. what if Kathryn doesn’t come back  
      I was looking at my variety of shovels….. remembering threats of going and digging someone out.  Good to  hear that things are ok in your neck of the woods as i am still petrifed about huge spiders.  Have a great week and hope (fingers and toes crossed) that I will run into you on the weekend.
      take care my friend,
      Laura

    • #23202
      kathryn
      Participant

      Vera and Laura, thanks for your posts and Laura….NOOOOOOOOOO WAY would i ever ever leave this site.  I truly cannot live without it and thank god i have my computer back…YAY!!!!!
      Life has been up and down, bit of a down at the moment, doing a lot of soul searchiing, home life is not what i want it to be. Dames has taken the children to his mothers for the night so i am going out with my bestie today, something i am really looking forward to and something that can take my mind off things.
      So, this is short and sweet, i will be on chat tonight if anyone cares to join me, i have missed you all, i didnt realise just how big a part of my life, and my recovery that this site is. 
      I will catch up on threads later, until then, bye for now,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23203
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn!
      Went looking for you but i missed u!
      Time for bed for me!
      maybe tomorrow!!
      bettie

    • #23204
      pp
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Wow i am so sorry to hear things are a bit of a downer lately.  The best therapy sounds like time with your bestie.. enjoy, hope to see you soon
      Day 19

    • #23205
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      HI Kathryn, I’m glad your computer is up and running again.  It was good to see your post on my thread.  Hope you are having a great day!!!  Take care!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23206
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      The last few weeks have given me time to evaluate what i want out of this life of mine.  My home life has been pretty ordinary.  Talking a lot with my best friend has helped me immensly.  Im sure some of you will cringe, but Oprah has helped me a lot too.  Sometimes it takes someone to say something so simply that you finally understand.
      There was a massive blow up in my house on the weekend.  Not because i have had enough (that didnt help) but becasue my husband decided to pick on our beautiful, sensitive son who wouldnt hurt a fly.  Now i have put up with a lot, and i take my part in that, BUT….when it comes to my children the claws come out, as do the fangs and the venom.  And oh my did they come out.  I cannot remember having a scream like i did that morning.  They were going off to his mothers for the night and because something did not go his way he decided to take that out on all of us.  I firmly believe that i am the advocate for my children, and when they are used as a way to relieve tension and frustration, well, i become a snarling beast.
      Long story short, they did go with their father (not after a fair bit of drama) and when they returned the next day i decided that it was make or break.  I told him, FINALLY.  I stood up and told him exactly how i felt, how i was unhappy, how his tyranny in this house needed to stop, how he needed to make changes.  I told him what i wanted from this life, and what i needed him to be.  No, im not perfect, as he so kindly reminded me the morning before (how lucky i was that he was still here after all i had done), and i did also tell him that i was unprepared to take the blame anymore, i have paid my penance and i will not stand for my addiction being bought up again and again.  He did agree it was a low blow, and that he would not do it again.  What surprised me the most, was that he had no idea. He has absolutely no clue that there was any kind of problem in our marriage, which blows my mind.  How could he not see it?
      I dont know if it is denial (he could not understand my reaction to 1 fight??) or that he truly thinks that we live in a perfectly happy marriage, which from my end is simply not true.
      What i believe, is that in the last 2 years i have changed…dramatically.
      Simply put, he is the same man he always was.
      If he didnt know before, he knows now.  The way we are is just not enough for me anymore.  The way he is is not what i want anymore.  So its either change, or go.  Simple as that.  Im not expecting a miracle, but i am expecting an effort.  He said he needs a few days to think about things, and i will give him that.  But the conversation is not over.
      For the record, today is our 19th wedding anniversary.
      Love you all,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23207
      vera
      Participant

      Happy Anniversary Kathryn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      So you are realising that married life is no fairytale! Join the enlightened circle!
      The part of your post that got to me is where hubby picked on the "vulnerable" son. Story of my life! They pretend not to know………….DON’T GO THERE KATHRYN! They know bloody well. When they don’t have the guts to confront the guilty party/wife ( in this case you and me), the weak man gets a woman where it hurts most…by attacking the "mummy’s darling".
      It is jealousy and bullying and abuse at it’s lowest form and nodody will tell me otherwise!
      I ve lived with it for too long!
      Defend your son and don’t be afraid to tell him his dad is a COWARD!
      Sorry guys…this is a "gut" post so maybe I should have headed it uo by saying
      WOMEN ONLY!
      Good for you Kathryn!
       

    • #23208
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn … the conversation is not over …To live, that would be a great adventure  – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      Sorry for your troubles. Even though your post does not bring the best of news, hearing that life goes on when we live gambling free and that we need not fall back on the false comforts of gambling during adversities is a learning lesson to others.
      The adventures of life are not all what we hope them to be; be strong in your recovery and in making your life a better one for you and your loved ones, not just one of existing. Life is to enjoy, not endure.
      Keep the conversations open, and hopefully productive so that a more happy 20th anniversary might have a chance for the future.
      God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23209
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Dear Kathryn
      It is the problem with all we try and teach each other isn’t it? Change can mean that we are no longer enamoured with the person we shared our lives with. 
      It works both ways and there is little that can be done without communication. Your husband has obviously not taken a great deal of interest in the addiction that has been in your lives and as a result has not realised that he has a large part to play for a successful conclusion. You have done all the work and he has stood still. 
      It is so hard for non-CGs to accept they have to change. It is so easy to say – ‘well the problem isn’t mine!’   It is so easy to demand a change in someone else but it is so hard to change ourselves.  
      I had a great problem in Gamanon with the admittance of ‘my’ wrongs. What the hell were they talking about – I had suffered, I had been wronged?    I am aware, because I chose to follow the Gamanon route, even whilst not accepting everything I was told, that to make a difference I had to grow and learn.    I spent weeks in a room with people who did not change one iota and had no intention of changing. Their CGs were down the corridor working on their lives and they were in Gamanon moaning endlessly about their trials and tribulations – I understand many are still there! 
      The main reason I changed was because having spent a few weeks or maybe even months joining in with them, I began to see that they were miserable and bitter as they ensured that their CGs suffered for the rest of their lives in compensation for what they had been through.
      It sounds to me that although your husband has not set about making your life a misery – his inability to see that he had a part to play is holding the pair of you back. 
      Can he ever be what you want him to be Kathryn or has it gone too far? Could you love this man if he changed and is it possible for him to change enough for you? I think it is important to know what ‘you’ want.
      I am not with Vera on this and I think that telling your son his dad is a coward would be wrong.   Whatever else your husband has or has not done, he has stuck by you and the children and at times he was probably pushed very hard.
      Is the problem between you and your husband or is it his treatment of the children? Sometimes things have to blow up to change and from what you say he was blissfully unaware. I agree you are your children’s advocate but surely so is he?  You are saying ‘my’ children not ‘our’ children – does he really deserve that?  Maybe he does. 
      Dear Kathryn, you know I am not judging but trying to understand and intercede.  I hope that matters cool enough for you both to speak without anger. If you really no longer want to live with this man please don’t hang too much guilt on him or make him jump through impossible hoops. Not all relationships work or can work and there is no shame in calling it a day but after 19 years it must be worth fighting for a little. Know what it is that ‘you’ want just as you did when you changed your life – change things for the better again – you have proved you can do it. He really might not have understood and might not have realised you were unhappy. Men and women are different and they place different ideals on the way things should be, neither side need be completely wrong and neither side will be completely right. You have made it plain to him now that you are unhappy – maybe he can pull the rabbit out of the hat but please know if that is what you really want? 
      Be careful with your heart and above all be true to yourself and stay strong.
      V
       
       

    • #23210
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I know that no matter what goes on you will be strong!! Don’t forget you are our GT wonderwoman!! I can hear the theme song in my head every time i see you post haha.. I really hope that things work out for you Kathryn.. I feel for you in this situation and I hope it is resolved soon.  You have come soooo far on this journey, surely your husband can see the enormous effort on your part.  You have changed your whole life!!! it is really quite incredible.. Im waving a few banners here for you ok, go wonderwoman, you deserve so much.. You have been through a hell of a lot and now is time for your happiness… You have been a wonderful inspiration for me… Hope to hear from you soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23211
      jean
      Participant

      Hi Kath so sorry you are going through a hard time.Thinking of you and hope things get better for you.You deserve happiness and peace in your life.Take care lifes to short

    • #23212
      paddydublin
      Participant

      well done on 2 years KathrynThings are better without a bet on today.

    • #23213
      Anonymous
      Guest

      WELL DONE KATHRYN!!!!!!!!!!!
      As punch used to say to Judy, "Thats the way to do it!"I dont gamble. Because recovery is priceless.

    • #23214
      kathryn
      Participant

      Geordie and Paddy, thank you…it was great talking to you both this morning.
      So yes, today is my 2 year anniversary, and although it is really just another day gamble free, it amazes me that i have had 2 years of gamble free days!  I am proud of myself, proud of how far i have come, in saying that, i also know that it is a life long journey, that i need to work my recovery every day. I am not so cocky to believe that i am cured, i will always be a cg, and i am proud of that, because it has made me the person i am today.
      Without the support i have recieved here i doubt very much i would be writing this post.  You have helped me when i needed advice, you have lifted my spirits when i have felt down, you have made me laugh, made me cry, and to each and every one of you i have spoken to, who have posted to me….THANK YOU XXX  To have contact with others who have been there, who are living it, who have family members that are cg’s, i have taken something out of each conversation, each post, that has kept me going.  
      Ok, so thats done!!!
      My conversation with my husband seemed to jolt him into action.  He has been brilliant, and this has reflected onto me and on to the boys.  I really dont think he realised how i felt, how unhappy i was, and i think he is really trying.  Which is all i can ask for.  As for me, i am also making an attitude adjustment, after all, if he is willing, then so am i.  I am also ensuring that i make my feelings known, no more bottling up for me, and this seems to be helping too.  We are talking more, which of course, is so important in a relationship.
      I am going to a party tonight, my friend is 40 and is having an 80’s dress up night.  I have my outfit ready to go, which is a hoot, and my boss is going to give me  a spiral perm with her hair tongs, i had curly hair from 1986-1992, so its only appropriate that it makes an appearance.  It should be great fun and i am looking forward to it.  Dames has gone away for the night and the boys are staying at Breas.  I am hoping to crash at my sisters, although i havent spoken to her yet!!!!
      We have just got our date for our house move.  I have 1 month to pack this place up, which is plenty, but daunting all at once.  I am looking forward to moving, the new house is lovely and i truly believe i deserve it!! (especially the dishwasher!!!)  I think i am going to take the week off work, the kids are on holidays anyways so it will be a good excuse.  Then i can take my time and unpack slowly, i cant stand rushing.
      I hope you all have a great weekend,
      Love Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23215
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      HI Kathryn, Congrads on 2 years gamble free!!!! You should be proud of yourself!! You are awesome!!!! I feel the same way you do about all the support here!!!  Have fun at the party, sounds like a blast.  Your new house sounds great and you do deserve it!!!  Take care!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23216
      vera
      Participant

      Well done on staying g free for two whole years Kathryn, odaat!
      Where did the time go?
      Glad you are on good terms with hubby again. You two have been through a lot together!
      "The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know!"

    • #23217
      Anonymous
      Guest

      K: I am so very, very proud of you … (and not just a little bit jealous). You have earned every single second of your gamble-free time and you should do something wonderful to celebrate you!!! I was just thinking as I read your post of the highs and lows you have shared. I can honestly say I respect you, your courage, your strength and the inevitable humor that has kept you anchored. You have had reasons, my friend, to throw in the towel … many, many times over the past two years, but you soldiered on. I know Harry and all on the fabulous GT team have held your hand on many occasions, but ultimately, it was you who had the wisdom to turn to them when the other alternative would have been so easy. I am honored to know someone of your caliber and I am honored to call you friend.
      With much love.
      RG
      P.S. YOU GO GIRL!!!! KEEP ON ROCKING THIS RECOVERY THANG!!!

    • #23218
      lynn
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      2 year GF is quite an accomplishment, and you are still working at it. You should be really proud! The dishwasher, it’s funny because we don’t have one at our current house, and I swear that if we get another place, it has to have a dishwasher. I am glad you are getting one at your new place. When we spend all day at work and have kids to worry about, the less house work, the better. It’s not like house work ever runs out anyway.

    • #23219
      bettie
      Participant

      OMG!
      Let the 2 year anniversary be a whole weekend celebration!! Here’s the fairy-make a wish!!
      Wonderful to see you posting and all the best wishes to a wonderful 2 "year old"!
      bettie

    • #23220
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      2 whole years that is just super fantastic Miss WW.. So pleased that it has sunk into hubby!  Sounds good and so does the part you are going to.. hehe, give us the details soon.
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23221
      phillip2235
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      CONGRATS ON 2 YEARS.  You are an inspiration to me.
      Have a great time at the party.
      Phillip

    • #23222
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      Congratulations on your two wonderful gamble-free years.
      I hope your move goes well – it is a terrific opportunity to leave bad memories behind although there are always good memories too. 
      You deserve the best Kathryn – you’re a star
      V

    • #23223
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you all so much.
      Im one very blessed woman.
      Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23224
      linnie
      Participant

      Happy Birthday, Kathryn!  Two years is an awesome achievement.  When I read your thread and different posts throughout this forum, I read "growth."  That, to me, is what true recovery is all about.  I wish you all the best and much happiness in your continued recovery.  Linnie  Live for today.  Hope for tomorrow.

    • #23225
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      It certainly was no can of worms that you opened in the F&F Topic forum. It was a window that you opened giving F&F the chance to look through and see a different perspective and that can only be good.
      What you wrote set out exactly how Ifound things in the Gamanon group and affiliated GA group that started me on my road to recovery and change. I felt presumptuous putting the CG’s perspective on the forum although I felt I understood it when I saw it first hand. Change can affect people’s feelings both ways – it is not the prerogative of the F&F.    I saw F&F members making life miserable for their CG spouses to balance the suffering they had felt as a result of living with the addiction – the end result was of course misery for both and it was very sad. I am sure it was not deliberate – I think they had fallen into behaviour of being ‘put upon and unhappy’ and couldn’t find their way out. There was an element of ‘OK so you’ve changed – so what?   Bid deal!  Life has not improved for me – we are still struggling, the same as we always have, as a result of your gambling!’
      For me the sharing on this site between CG and F&F has become the most important things towards understanding.
      It definitely points towards, as you so rightly say, that we have to do what is right for us as individuals.    Making another, or ourselves, unnecessarily miserable is no life at all and we should all be brave enough to say this is not working for me. I am glad that you have fought for your relationship and I wish you both well.
      We can all slip into a pattern and sometimes a rut and it is possible your husband didn’t know he had done so. You have given him the opportunity to change and he seems to have welcomed it. 
      Do men do soul-searching?   I think ‘My Journal’ points to the fact that they can and do. Most people I think just chug along through life and as long as they think it is OK they don’t bother, it is only when something jumps out and brings them up short that they make the effort to look at themselves – it was certainly so for me. 
      I believe that ‘my change’ has been important to the success of my CG’s change. I wish your husband well – he probably wanted/needed the kick up the pants but wasn’t sure how to go about it!
      V

    • #23226
      paul315
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Two Years, Well Done!!
      There is not too much more that I can say except adding that just as you acknowledged Harry as being a great help to you, as he has to us all, I will state that you have also helped me in my recovery from my start throughout. Your sharing of you life, showing that there is a life after gambling, and the encouragement and guidance that you offer, has been an inspiration; you were a Godsend, you have become a friend.
      God’s speed.
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan (as shown in the life of K)
       LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23227
      jean
      Participant

      Well done 2 years wow you deserve all the best thngs in your life kath.You are such an inspiration to us all.Take care xlifes to short

    • #23228
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      Thank you for all the lovely posts.
      I have had a really  nice evening, my daughter turned 20 today and we had a dinner for her.  She wanted spaghetti, bless her little cotton socks, how easy is that???  My bestie and her kids came over, she made the cake, a tier of chocolate and strawberry cupcakes, just gorgeous.
      I cant quite believe i am old enough to have a 20 year old, it just doesnt seem right!!!!
      She has turned into a wonderful woman, i am so proud of her, it amazes me that she turned out so well considering the time i wasnt there.  All i can say is….thank god!
      Hope you are all well,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23229
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Kathryn what a great post to read at the minute, you are an inspiration to us all I reckon. Keep it up skip!
      Geordie.I dont gamble. Because recovery is priceless.

    • #23230
      looby loo
      Participant

      We got booted 🙁 – lovely to chat. Take care of you xxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #23231
      twilight16
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      You are a blessing to everyone here. Your have helped so many just by your honesty and kind heartiness.
      Happy Belated Birthday! Two years free of gambling is just awesome!
      I wrote a little something to your reply on F & F forum 🙂 take a peak when you can.
      Have a wonderful weekend.
      Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23232
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.  Your daughter takes after her mother.  That’s why it should be no surprise what a wonderful young women she turned out to be.  Congratulations on your beautiful young daughter making it to 20 and you both still love each other.  Those teenage years are sometimes tough!

    • #23233
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Kathryn, just read your post on Twilight’s thread. You really are an inspiration, am so pleased things are getting better for you now, maybe your husband is so so proud of you and just dosn’t know how to show it. Maybe he feels a bit guilty about his hand in things; sounds like you have cleared the air at last though and are moving forward.
      With its ups and downs, but without gambling, life most certainley is a great adventure.
      Thanks for helping to show me, and many others I guess, the way.
      Geordie.I dont gamble. Because recovery is priceless.

    • #23234
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a good day today, i did some more packing, visited my mum and bestie, got the washing done, all in all, a productive day.  I have been sitting here posting while my hubby has been watching the football, its a nightmare, i cant stand it, i want to scream and smother him with a pillow.  If i could, i would move this laptop, but unfortunately i have no battery life and if i do ill lose the lot!!  He has just turned it off.  He has also turned up the tv as me typing on the keys is annoying him…grrr, does he not think that he is annoying me????
      Anyway, just a little rant, i am trying to type quietly.  LOL…sounds ridiculous reading that back.
      Hope you are all well, the chat is spookily quiet tonight.
      Love Kathryn xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23235
      lynn
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      thanks for posting on my thread. I think it’s the first time I post on yours. Do you have a headphone? you can just start listen to music and tune him out. How do you type quietly? It’s your keyboard that make noise anyway. If it annoys him, ask him to buy you a new laptop or a quiet keyboard to connect to it. I connected to chat too, no one was there. I guess everyone logs in at different time, being the only one, and eventually log off.

    • #23236
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you Lynn,
      The headphones are a great idea. 
      I have woken up this morning with a thumping headache and a sore back…ugh.  Not a great way to start the day.  Not to mention that i decided to be the great cook and make soup in my slow cooker last night.  My house smells like rotten cabbage!  Gross!!!  I have turned it off and will throw the soup out, i cant eat it after it has stunk out my house…lol, what a great start to the day, it can only improve im sure, as long as i can get this smell out!!!
      Not planning on doing too much today, a bit more packing i think.  I will make a cake for the kids lunches this week, im a bit better with that than i am with soup!
      Love Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23237
      bettie
      Participant

      don’t light a match Kathryn!
      lol!
      lovely to see u two times today!!
      bettie
       

    • #23238
      usman
      Participant

      well done kat keep on i hope and i wish u will go through and love ur family …………………..i am happy for u u r going
      good

    • #23239
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      Are u around?
      Looking for a chat partner!!
      bettie

    • #23240
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K: Just a quick note. Had to laugh about the soup. It can really reek up a house if you let it, lol. Doesn’t last too long though, thank heavens. We had some lovely smells of our own to contend with. Last week we did our spring clean of the back yard. There was a bin full of grass cutting and leaves from last season. it was uncovered, so snow had compacted it and then thawed in the spring. With the warmer weather, it started to compost. Well, hubby tipped it out, but OMG what a smell. It stunk up the WHOLE neighbourhood. And wouldn’t you know it, next door neighbour was having an open house. EEK!!
      Hubby just went back into the house and shut the door. Informed the boys that that was what hell smelled like and if they ever smelled anything similar in later lives it meant that the devil was around waiting to grab their souls. Then, he packed them in the car and went on an adventure.
      Well, I couldn’t leave it like that. So, I put on boots and gloves and went out with a shovel. I don’t know how I did it with losing my cookies, but I shovelled all that nastiness back into the bin and covered it with garbage bags. Then I thoroughly watered the spot where the nastiness had been and lit some smelly candles outside. Finally, the evil smell disappeared.
      Hubby and boys were so proud of me for saving the neighbourhood. Honestly, what would this world be without superwomen like us??? LOL.
      Stay lovely, my friend. RG

    • #23241
      bettie
      Participant

      OMG!
      RG I almost lost it over your story! LOL!
      Kathryn, thanks so much. I talked to my sister-she was so upset-and we hashed it all out. Thanks for your help K, it means so much!
      bettie

    • #23242
      twilight16
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn,
      What a great feeling it is when we stand up for ourselves especially when it is our spouses 🙂 BRAVO to you for doing this!
      I am sure now your dh will never bring up what you have worked so hard to remove from your life and he shouldn’t. He knows what a wonderful and beautiful wife he has. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had a few insecurties of his own and he just wanted to avoid them. Either way, always remember you deserve the best and you are incredible. You have many many friends here who love you for who you are xoxo.
      peace out 😉
      Twilight 
       (I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23243
      finding_laura
      Participant

      morning Kathryn.  I’ve missed you lately.  Hope to do some catching up soon.  I’ve been busy using my computer time to shop for a first car for my oldest boy.  Well maybe boy in a man’s body (insert me rolling eyes heaven ward here)
      Finally found one that seems suitable, had it checked over yesterday so all that is left is to close the deal.  He will ahve to do it on his own as I will be working tonight.  Ugh night shift on a Friday night.  Anyway, wanted to pop in and say hi and say I am around if you have time for a chat.
      take care,
      Laura

    • #23244
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey honey bunny, just read your post on my thread. No worries, no dumping fines on my thread 🙂
      Here in Canada we have free credit counselling offered by non profit groups like the united way.  Do you have anything like that there?  I know one CG that has been going for credit counselling for two years now.  They help budget based on income and expenses and really provide a reality check.  Sometimes we don’t really account for all those hidden costs. And lord knows raising a family is very expensive these days.  Hope you have a good sleep, sorry won’t be around to have your morning coffee with you.
      take care, tomorrow is another day.
      Laura

    • #23245
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn had to have a giggle about the soup episode !!! glad things are set straight with the hubby.. i know what you mean about wondering how some people afford things, for me , if i dont gamble i save well because i have zero social life, i dont go out for dinner , to social things etc yesterday was going to go out for coffee, a rarity but ended up a disaster of a day better to stay in next time haha.. its easy to get used to living on little after we have gambled i think for me anyway…as long as my boy has everything paid for i am happy! you sound like you have been a bit stressed and were in pain a few posts ago hope its all sorted now.. anyway our wonder woman thanks for being an inspiration on this forum! see you round P – Living and Learning

    • #23246
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good morning,
      Oh i am stressed, stressed aobut the almighty dollar.  We have to move in 2 weeks, i have tax to pay and im finding it difficult to find the money, in fact, im finding it impossible.  I think my only option at this time is to hit my mum up for a loan.  I hate doing this, ive been proud of the fact that ive been totally loan free with mum since i have stopped gambling.  I have a bond due back from this house which i can give to her as soon as i get it.  I feel like my options are minimal.  Ugh….
      It is almost tax time here too, so my refund can go to her as well if i need to borrow extra.  I think im looking for someone to say that it is ok for me to ask her for a loan.  I feel bad about it, but i also feel i have no choice, i simply cannot find this money, ive done list upon list and it still doesnt add up!!!
      Im pretty frustrated. 
      Any advice would be apprecieated,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23247
      vera
      Participant

      its ok to ask for a loan Kathryn!!!!
      Now that Ive said it I will clarify my reticence.
      Every time I got "yet another loan, I would justify my action by saying "it’s only money" BUT , money has to be repaid!
      There is a big difference between responsible and irresponsible borrowing Kathryn. You know in your heart when you are borrowing for a good cause.
      Would it ease your conscience to offer to pay interest to your Mom?
      If you have money coming your way soon it seems like a good option to ask!
      When are you moving ?

    • #23248
      Anonymous
      Guest

      My friend: I know only too well that nasty feeling of having to ask a parent for a loan. How I loathe that feeling. Up until about 10 years ago, I was indebted to no-one (except the bank, of course :)) and I was proud of that status. But things happened … both of us being entrepreneurs, kids in private school, general living beyond means, gambling … and then reality swoops in and it’s time to pay up. I remember nights pacing trying to find solutions and finally having to ask for help. It was sickening … but it was necessary … and sometimes it’s just what we have to do to survive. It’s life … and we’re meant to learn from it. So do what you must, and try not to be too hard on yourself. If it were your son asking for money, I’m sure you’d do whatever you could to help. I’m sure your mom feels good being able to help.
      Take it easy, K and be good to yourself. Financial stress happens to us all.
      Love, RG

    • #23249
      kathryn
      Participant

      RG and Vera,
      Thank you, i needed to hear that.  I have spoken to my mum, and of course she is more than happy to help.  My problem is that she wont let me pay back, so i have made her promise that she will take the payments because i NEED to pay her.  Im hoping to get her details so i can make weekly payments straight into her account (and no, i cant get any money out!!)  This means she has no control over what i pay (she wants $20 per week) i would like to be able to pay more than that…lol.  So i do feel better, she is an absolute angel and i do love her soooo much. 
      So thank you girls, for making me feel better.  I cant wait for the day when i have enough and dont have to rely on anyone else.  At the same time, im so so so grateful that i have someone to help me when im really stuck. 
      No chat today by the looks of it……ive been packing so that is keeping me busy.
      Love you all,
      Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23250
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      it is your early evening I would think.  I was working my last night so missed chat  
      I’m glad the money situation worked out.  Great thing about the forum, there is a good chance someone is around to help!  You have been in recovery a long time and it is grounded.  The money is going to moving expenses and is just a temporary thing. And I am sure that your mom is very proud of you 🙂   
      What would have happened if you would have still been gambling now?  Be so proud of where you are Kathryn.  Takes a lot of effort to clear the gambling fog and deal with things head on.  ((( Kathryn ))) Wohoooo lol
      Laura

    • #23251
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, good to hear that you have resolution on the money situation.  You are being responisble now, so it’s okay to ask for money help!!  Good luck with the packing, not one of my favorite things.  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23252
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, i didnt have to work after all.  I got a call from the woman i was covering for saying that she had made a mistake with her placement roster.  She said that i could work if i really really wanted to….LOL.
      So, i went shopping, got some shoes for H who had lost the sole on his yesterday. B got a pair as well, you have to be even!!!
      Ive packed a little more, im feeling more in control now, i dont feel so rushed and panicked.  There are boxes littered all over the house, thankfully they are all full!!! I have 1 more cupboard to pack, which i will do tonight and i feel that i had a totally productive weekend.  So now im working for the next 7 days, i think im going to the movies on Tuesday night with the girls from work, and Brea, which will be great. A night of laughter is just what i need.
      Ill be in chat a bit later, i still have a few things to do before i feel i can really sit down……
      Love you all,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23253
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn i think its great you can get some help i havent had a loan from anyone myself but i havent been gamble free long enough to do that safely you on the otherhand have had an amazing journey that you should be proud of the money you are borrowing is to pay off things that will help your life thats great your mum is so supportive! Think the move will be a whole new start for you P – Living and Learning

    • #23254
      desdemona
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn! I spent today reading from page 1 to 161 of your thread, and I have to say WELL DONE on over two years of gamble free time. I love your writing style and your sense of humour. I also see that you are blessed with a best friend that you can share everything with, and have many supportive and loving family members, minus maybe your MIL. LOL!  You attend many events and are enjoying them, which I believe is a key part of recovery, being able to enjoy activities, other than gambling. Your traumatic experience with the "Fester" scenario was painful even for me just reading it, so I can’t imagine living through that. I’m so glad the results were negative, but honestly I thought they would be. Had Fester been sure who the father was, she wouldn’t have been slow in providing the DNA samples.  You managed not to gamble through your brother-in-law dying, your cat dying, the worries of debt repayment, having to move homes,  your husband’s unsupportive behaviors, and even had the courage to change jobs. Again, I say WELL DONE Kathryn. Now that I’ve read your thread, I feel like I know you a bit so look forward to seeing you on chat. Carole

    • #23255
      kathryn
      Participant

       
      Hi All,
      Well ive just finished day 3 of a 7 day stint at work and i have to say, im tired already!!
      Last night i went to the movies with the girls from work.  Brea also came, we went out for dinner and went and saw Bridesmaids.  Can i just say, to my lovely girlfriends here…go and see it.  It was hilarious, i laughed till i cried, literally!!!
      So my current house has been taken over for selling by another real estate, the one that im renting through.  I spoke to her yesterday, and she wanted to pop over today to take a few photos for their website.  OMG…i got home last night and a cyclone had gone off in this house, i was FURIOUS.  So, up i got this morning at 6am to clean like a crazy woman.  The icy glare to my hubby this morning got his little behind into gear too, and i went to work happy that the house was presentable, even though its full of boxes.  I just want to get this move over and done with.  One consilation is that Dames isnt going away that weekend so im not moving alone and hopefully we can stay in the house on the first night.  Im not one to stuff around, get it done and then relax.  Lord help me!!!
      I havent had my bestie here for a week and a half, and i didnt really realise how much i miss her.  She is on holidays and returns on Saturday.  Im sure i will be bolting to her place as soon as i know she is home!
      Anyway, just a quick update,
      Love you all, Kathryn xxxxxxx
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan– 6/29/2011 12:37:42 PM: post edited by kathryn.

    • #23256
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Glad to hear all is well… you do such fun things, think that has been my downfall trying to save every penny and not really living, maybe if i did some fun things i wouldnt want to gamble so much.. bet you will have a ball catching up with your bestie.. gotta say i admire you our wonder woman!!! You are able to do things now in your life because you are not gambling.  I on the other hand am still fighting that monster and it appears to be winning at this point.. I even went in to a venue i was excluded from so I am kind of glad now they dont have the state thing here.. something i never thought i would do.. shows how mad this addiction is.. crazy when theres hundreds of places i could have gone but it was the closest and i was in a desperate state of mind.. hope one day i can find the strength like you have to beat this thing… will be back soon with a new thread.. sick of climbing through the pages of the things i say that are so hypocritical.. anyway looks like you copped my post this morning haha.. hope you have an awesome time with your friend when she returns, have a good rest after your long shift..
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23257
      sherry123
      Participant

      Congratulations on the move to a nice house with a DISHWASHER!!! You do deserve it.  Sorry you have to borrow from mom but it’s just a short loan and you know you’ll pay her back so don’t feel bad about it.  Just think if it was your lovely daughter needing a loan.  It would do your heart good knowing you could help and the same is probably true for your mom. 
      PS. Way to keep Dames ‘towing the line’.  And if you can do it with just a talk and a ‘look’ you’ve got some great communicaton skills going.

    • #23258
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Nice to see you in chat the other day.. you always give me a giggle.. hope you enjoy that dishwasher, oh how i would love one of those haha.. cant wait till you are all settled and you can tell us how the new house is going, new house, new life.. think its a great step forward.. fresh start in a house that you have never gambled in.. wahoooooo..
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23259
      kathryn
      Participant

      HI All,
      my 7 day stint is finally over.  The weekend at work was a good one, not too busy, but constant.  It was quite enjoyable really.  I have tomorrow and Tuesday off. Tomorrow i need to take my mum to the doctor (she is fine, just needs a prescription) and Tuesday i think we are starting the big move.
      The real estate is letting us start our move early, and while we wont be sleeping there until Saturday night, i should have most of our stuff unpacked which is pretty exciting really.  I cant wait for it to be over and i can sit on my balcony, look at the ocean and know that my dishes are being washed….LOL
      Im still feeling overwhelmed, i know ive packed lots but there still seems so much to do, but hey, ill get there.
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23260
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      So good to see u today and thanks for thinking of me.
      Seems like when ever I think I am making real progress I sabatoge myself and let in some unhealthy things. I can see what I am doing, thats progress,but i need to name it, claim it and dump it!
      Hope the move goes smoothly. The best thing about moving is all the getting rid of the unnessary things that accumulate. Maybe my mind needs to move-and do the same!
      Hope u are getting some well deserved sleep! U just missed Jules. We have plans for next weekend-I am so excited!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23261
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K: The scene you describe is disturbing on so many levels, LOL!! My niece is still texting me one-liners from the movie, like “okAY Stove” and “actually, I’m Mrs. Banderas”. What a hoot!! I am so glad you recommended it because my niece really needed cheering up after running into a guy she was dating who happened to be with another girl for the evening. (Rotten swine!!) Anyway, the movie was just what she needed.
      I’m leaving the glitch behind because if I focus on it, I know I will be back. I’m trying to put as much time between me and that stupid slip. I’m going to do it this time, if it kills me. I know that if I don’t, it will kill me. Today is a gorgeous sunny day and I just finished lazily sipping two cups of coffee on my deck while doing my crossword. Gambling is not a part of my thoughts, but hubby and I did discuss the fact that we could have had air conditioning installed this summer if we had not been idiots. As it stands, he now has to install the window units that are a pain in the ass for him to install.
      Oh well, live and learn.
      Hope you enjoy your two days off and get lots done on your move.
      Love, RG

    • #23262
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Just a quick post…..we have moved into our new house and it has been nothing short of backbreaking!!!  Finally we are in, and i cant believe i have lived without a dishwasher for this long…i LOVE it!!!!!
      I am on a friends computer and im hoping that my internet will be up and running by the weekend.  I have been so busy but at night have really been missing my friends here. I hope you are all well, im not even going to have time to read 1 post but i wanted to let you know that as soon as im able i will be back.
      Love you all, take care, Kathryn xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23263
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Nice to hear.. i knew you would be super busy.. and i knew it would be a fabulous new start for you.. so pleased you have that dishwasher what a treat.. would be awesome.. i go mad when i wash dishes the water slooshes everywhere i am like a mad scientist on a mission.. so pleased your new home will be a better step for you.. see you soon chickadee
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23264
      cgoodrich09
      Participant

      Hey kathryn! Way to go! 🙂 I have no gambling experience though, but I have couple of friends who have a total opposite from your experience.
      How did you let your husband become so supportive with gambling?

    • #23265
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey my friend 🙂
      I have missed you LOTS while you have been busy packing and moving and working and cleaning!  Notice i focus on me first lol.  Be so glad when you are all settled and back on line.  Congrats on the dishwasher, I love mine and would have to think twice to choose between one of my cranky teenage children and my dishwasher….. i’m thinking i’m thinking…. 
      Enjoy the new house, the ocean view sounds lovely.  When i sit on my deck looking out at the ocean i will think of you doing the same on yours 🙂  Cant wait to have you back!
      love ya xoxo,
      Laura

    • #23266
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      Sure have missed you round here… so glad today you will be waking up in a new house, and after brekky overlooking your oceanviews you can put those dishes in that "dishwasher" oh K you deserve this.. you have worked so hard on this journey.. you are amazing
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23267
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hiya Kathryn
      Welcome to your new abode and dishwasher – I hope it is everything you want it to be and deserve it to be.
      Moving is exhausting and it is an emotional time as well with memories left behind and so many new hopes for the future. It takes so long to pack everything up and it takes for ever to unpack. I decided that when I arrived in my new home I would lie flat on my back and not move for days I was so tired but it didn’t work out. The previous owners had not been as clean as I would have hoped so having cleaned the house that I was moving out of I spent weeks scrubbing this one. They left their oven and it was filthy and there was dog hair inside it – don’t ask – I didn’t!
      I moved 4 years ago and I have never regretted it for a second. I moved about 130 miles, which isn’t much in Australian distance but is a long way with UK road systems.
      It’s another new beginning Kathryn – another new start and chapter. I am sure you will make a fantastic success of this move as you have done with your life and your children – just give that husband of yours a kick up the backside every now and then and it will be perfect. 
      You will have more time to write on the forum now that your dishes are being done by a machine.
      V

    • #23268
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K: Thanks so much for your post, brought a tear to my eye that you believe in me enough to continue to support me even after all my foolishness. I’m so happy to hear that you’re in your house and have some semblance of normalcy, although I’m sure you still have a long row to hoe before all is back in shape. The dishwasher … well, you’ve said it all. Truly don’t think I could live without one, I’m that spoiled.
      How jealous am I that you have a house with a view of the ocean??? Let me count the ways … one billion and five, two trillion and six … ok … infinity!!! You and Laura and anyone else born with that privilege must have been born under a lucky star!! AND you live in a warm climate !!!
      Anyway, I went back to work today, thank God. They’ve extended my contract to the end of September (and this time I’ll get serious about finding something permanent). Gotta save if I’m ever going to make it Down Under for a cup of coffee on your veranda.
      After work, I went to my group session and inserted myself first on the agenda (no shrinking violet, me). Anyway, they were not as horrified as I imagined and I didn’t die from a confrontation with my husband. I’m still nursing bruised insides from all the stress, but other than that, still standing (albeit a bit wobbly). The group was lovely and suggested that I lower the limit at the ATM which I will do this week. I was glad to have gone and I have an individual session this week as well.
      OK … gotta get to bed. Early start in the a.m. Thanks once again for your post and have a ga’ LORIOUS week off!!
      Lots of love, RG

    • #23269
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Im sitting in my lounge, and although i dont have a view of the ocean from this seat, i am loving that i can watch the clouds float by…..grey and white and fluffy…not the best weather today but i have a real feeling of satisfaction.  I can finally relax….theres a meatloaf in the oven, the boys are happily playing away, i have a nice hot coffee, my headphones are on, and of course….my thread.
      Velvet , i will have soooo much more time on my hands, i did at least 3 loads of dishes a day, if i could meet the maker of the dishwasher i would kiss his feet…and do his dishes and i can only hope that the last owners of your house didnt do what my mind is thinking it did to its dog!!!
      Laura, my kindrid spirit, i do so hope our paths will cross one day, whether it be on my deck or yours, i dont mind!  I feel totally peaceful in this house, im not sure if it is me or the house….whatever it is im taking it!!  I cant remember feeling so relaxed, perhaps it is also knowing i have a few more days off and dont have to rush.  I could almost cry, the last week has been just massive and im so relieved it is over.
      P, my fellow aussie chick, as always you make me smile and show me that no matter what the adversity, your beautiful spirit and attitude is something i aspire to.  You see the good in all and i think that is just a magical, special gift.  You are doing so well, im that proud of you and im always in your corner.
      Cgood, i will post on your thread, so stay tuned!!!
      RG, im a true believer my friend, only for the fact that i have lived it and come out the other side!!  I will never give up on you because i know you CAN do it.  Surprisingly enough, i dont have very much hoeing to do, but that is because i cant stand mess…..some things may be hiding in cupboards tis true, but then i know where they are!!!
      So, thats about me for today, ill keep reading, im sure i have way more posting to catch up on.
      Love to you all,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23270
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Congrads on your new home, it really does sound peaceful.  You deserve it!!  Thanks for your post!!  Things have settled here, and we will see what happens next.  Feeling alot better emotionally.  Thanks again!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23271
      cat438
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn – I have been reading some of your thread – not finished it all yet -but congratulations on your gamble-free time.  It is important for the newbies to read threads like yours it gives us hope that we can do it.  It is scary sometimes, but there are so many wonderful and caring people on the site… and on the GT Helpline and that is really helping me.  I will continue reading your thread and working on my gamble free life.  The last day I place a bet was June 12, 2011 which is one month today…. I never thought I would get to that so it is one day at a time.  Thanks again and also for letting me share… Take care and just for toay I will not gamble.  One day at a time my sweet lord….

    • #23272
      p
      Participant

      Hey K was hoping to catch you in chat for a coffee… but you are probably overlooking the ocean right now with one in your hand hhehe… see you soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23273
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K: Thanks for the very graphic story about the squirming nasties!! EWWWW!! I can just imagine how grossed out you were. They truly are the only things on earth that make my skin crawl. I’m shuddering right now just thinking of it.
      I hope things are getting more and more organized as the week goes and that you have some time to relax before having to work on the weekend. That sea view is there for a reason. Sit and breathe and become present in the loveliness of your privileged environment. I’m SOOO jealous!!
      Anyway, I have to hit the sack soon, I am absolutely exhausted. I had a very good session with my counsellor, very revealing. It’s great the way one talks and talks and talks and then … voila … an insight. Today’s insight was not particularly insightful. People on here have spoken about it often, but it hasn’t sunken in until today. As I was talking, I realized that on other occasions that I’ve stopped, I’ve not really replaced the activity with anything pleasurable, like social gatherings with friend or family. I just filled up my time with busyness … which inevitably had me exhausted, resentful and then back to gambling.
      My counsellor is a wonderful man who has a burning need to figure out the gambling brain. He speak at conferences advising other gambling counsellors and has a great manner. I am comfortable and enjoy unburdening with him.
      So, with this newfound knowledge, I want to have a chat with hubby tomorrow, perhaps over a coffee, about how we can fulfill my need for more company. I also realized that I’ve been feeling left out of all the fun he and the boys have been having, so I want to address that too.
      K, I feel different this time, I truly do. Not like I’m going to do it or anything that bold, just different. Sort of numb and still in a bit of shock. I’ll be interested in seeing how the next couple of weeks roll out.
      Anyway, take care of yourself … hope we can touch base on chat soon.
      Love, RG
      — 7/14/2011 3:22:45 AM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #23274
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well im back to work tomorrow, doing a 7 day stint…ugh. 
      I have to say, apart from the move i didnt do much on my break, which is dissapointing.  I spent 2 of the days waiting for my mother to come over and see my house, she had seen it empty but said she wanted to see it with all the furniture in it.  1st was Tuesday, i waited till 3pm before i really believed she wasnt coming, she rang to say that she had a sore leg and couldnt make it. She had been out earlier that day for a group thing she does.
      She told me she would stop by on yesterday.  I waited until 3pm again…my blood was boiling.  She called and said that her back was sore, mind you she had been shopping the day before….
      I know that my mum has helped me recently with the move in terms of financially, and i owe her a huge debt of gratitude, but i am so so hurt that she couldnt take 15 minutes to come over, i have a week off once in a blue moon, i live 3 minutes drive away.  I didnt go and see her today, i couldnt because im still very angry, disapointed and hurt by her non action.  It is the way she is, i have to accept it, but i cant get past it right this minute.  I know i will, i always do, and i think im pretty cross with myself for believing that she would come when in the back of my mind i really know that she wouldnt.  Hope springs eternal.
      On a nicer note my sister has given me a lovely sofa bed. It is black courdouroy (i dont know if thats spelt right) but it looks awesome in my house.  It will be handy when my MIL comes to stay. 
      Not much else to tell, i didnt do 1 thing with the boys, shame on me.  Im not blaming my mother for that, they deserve better.  Lesson learnt.
      Anyway, im rambling a bit,
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23275
      tambo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Just been reading up on you journal, well done, the house,the view, the coffee all sound fantastic. I would not beat yourself up about not doing too much with your time off (A house move is so so stressful in its own) Anyway hope work goes ok and your Mum behaves herself!
      Keep strong, keep positive
      Thanks for chat last nightOne last chance

    • #23276
      jean
      Participant

      Hi Kath Happy new house.Moving certainly can be a stressful time.I am sure you will make it up to the boys next time you are off work Take care xx lifes to short

    • #23277
      vera
      Participant

      Congrats on your new home Kathryn! Are we all invited to the housewarming?
      Home is where the heart is so your home will be warm, welcoming and full of LOVE!

    • #23278
      sherry123
      Participant

      Sorry your mom let you down.  Our parents can really get to us no matter how old we are. 
      Someone gave me a coleslaw recipe and it made me think of you (the cabbage soup that stunk up the house).  Anyway, I made it last night.  It was really good but after I finished my mouth and lips were burning from the jalepenos(didn’t burn while I was eating it though).  It’s supposed to help you lose weight and I can see how because I had to drink a few glasses of ice water before the fire went out and by that time I didn’t want anything else to eat. I’m thinking of eating it for every meal this weekend!
      Enjoy your new home. It sounds wonderful.

    • #23279
      p
      Participant

      Hey K
      Just saying hi and wondering how you are going.. it is getting colder here brrr but yes i know it is not as cold as that melbourne weather hey.. dont worry about your Ma Kathryn.. hard to say i know.. dont let it dampen your new time in the house.. maybe you can pop over and see her one day and mention sometime in the conversation about how you would love it if she came to visit more.. sometimes when they get older things are a big hassle, my mum doesnt like going anywhere and getting a lot grumpier hehe..
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23280
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, i worked this weekend so there really isnt much to tell in terms of my exciting life..lol.
      I did go and see Harry Potter this afternoon, me and my friend from work saw it and i teared up from the very first frame.  Halfway through i started sobbing, and could not stop. Neither could she.  I wanted to sob out loud, and i dont even feel ridiculous for it!!!! LOL
      When it was over we just sat there and waited for the crowd to leave, our eyes looking like 2 spoonfulls of jam (that one’s yours Vera!)  Of course, walking out there was the crowd there waiting for the next session to start….embaressing??? Just a little.
      I did have an early night until i recieved a phone call from my daughter.  Seems her and her boyfriend of almost 4 years have decided to split, im not sure if its permanent but her sad, sobbing voice on the phone nearly broke my heart.  She is moving back home tomorrow.  She is bringing her 2 cats with her, so there will be 3 male cats in the house….oh my god, i dread to think how this is going to go……
      Anyway, im sure it will sort itself.  I cant sleep now.  I have 50 things going on, where are we going to put her stuff?? (theres lots of it), let alone the cats, im going to be that old cat lady after all!!!!
      Well, im off to see if anyone is in chat,
      Love you all,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23281
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Glad to hear that you are all moved, that can be real stressful.  It never matters how old we are, our parents can always get to us. Remember, we can’t change them.  You were wise not to go see her when you were still angry and disappointed.  OMG, 3 male cats in one house, now that’s going to be a fun one.  Keep us updated as to how that goes. LOL!!!  Take care!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23282
      female g
      Participant

      Boy lots of changes to face.  Hope it works out with your daughter moving back it can be a hard adjustment. No matter how much we love our kids it isn’t always easy when they return to the home. Well i am glad you went to see Harry potter instead of the tree of life. Don’t waste even a penny on that one. It has brad pitt as the star and director I think. It was so way out there I found it torterous. So many people just got up and left the theater. Thanks for taking the time to drop in on my journel.G

    • #23283
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well it looks like Brea is home for a while…i did think for a minute that she was going to go back, but it hasnt gone that way.  She is holding up ok, she doesnt show too much emotion, but im really pleased that she is has organised to spend quite a bit of time with her friends.  She needs them now.
      On the upside, she did watch the boys for us tonight while Dames and i went out for dinner.  It was with work, one of our Doctors has moved on, and we had a farewell dinner for him.  He is English, and apparently curry is massive in the UK (or so im told) so we went Indian.  I have never had indian food before.  It was mighty hot.  We asked for mild, i would dread to think what hot would have been like, i drank about 4 glasses of water..lol.  It was a really good night.  so i am no longer a curry virgin, although im not sure i will be running back there, i had to go to the ladies room one stage and OMG….i just hope the kitchen was ok or ill be in trouble tomorrow!!!!!
      Only 2 more days to go and my 7 day stint will be over.  Im tired, really really tired so i am really looking forward to a quiet lazy weekend. I think i will stay in my pj’s all day on Saturday.  It couldnt come quick enough.
      I hope you are all well and happy, and G, thanks for the review, i thought that movie looked fabulous, shows how much i know!!!!
      Love you all,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23284
      tambo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sounds like interesting times, sharing your home with your daughter again. Im sure you will also have a lot of laughs with her, once things settle a bit.
      Made me laugh, you talking about curry. Here in the uk, indian food is popular, trouble is, you can ask for an extra mild curry in one curry house and get something riddled with red hot jalipenos chilies and then ask for a hot and spicy curry elsewhere and be served with a creamy fruity number!!! Its like a lucky dip! I do love em though
      keep strong and positive!
       One last chance (again!)

    • #23285
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya Katie-Girl!! I found you on page three or four. What’s up with that? Anyway, thanks for your post, always so lovely to hear from you. I would say I’m sorry that you’re cold, but I’m finding it hard getting past the NINE months of summery weather you have each and every year. In Canada, we’re lucky if we get 2-3 months of true summer. So, I’m more apt to say suck it up, Buttercup. Into every life a little rain must fall :)).
      I know, with friends like me … This is going to be a quick post because I’ve had a LONG day and I haven’t been feeling the greatest. Worked … then went to my group session. It’s a long trek to get there, but I love it when I do. There is such a mixed bag of people with so many different gambling issues … sports betting, scratch tickets and slots. But ultimately, the problem gambling is the same. Urges, sick stomachs, self hatred, sadness, financial devastation … all SUCH wonderful attractions to the world of gambling. This is a great group and I truly look forward to it.
      How goes the new house? I’m sure you must be well settled. Is Dames away this weekend coming? What wonderful adventure do you have planned for yourself and the kids? Or maybe just you … you deserve it. Girls night out it is!!!
      I miss chatting to you live, but I find I’m really busy on weekends, so hardly a second to get on … and then it’s hit or miss whether you’ll be there.
      Well, so much for a short response. Tambo, if you’re reading this, thanks for your post. I will respond to you tomorrow. Have much to do before I sleep.
      Love, RG

    • #23286
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya Katie-Girl!! I found you on page three or four. What’s up with that? Anyway, thanks for your post, always so lovely to hear from you. I would say I’m sorry that you’re cold, but I’m finding it hard getting past the NINE months of summery weather you have each and every year. In Canada, we’re lucky if we get 2-3 months of true summer. So, I’m more apt to say suck it up, Buttercup. Into every life a little rain must fall :)).
      I know, with friends like me … This is going to be a quick post because I’ve had a LONG day and I haven’t been feeling the greatest. Worked … then went to my group session. It’s a long trek to get there, but I love it when I do. There is such a mixed bag of people with so many different gambling issues … sports betting, scratch tickets and slots. But ultimately, the problem gambling is the same. Urges, sick stomachs, self hatred, sadness, financial devastation … all SUCH wonderful attractions to the world of gambling. This is a great group and I truly look forward to it.
      How goes the new house? I’m sure you must be well settled. Is Dames away this weekend coming? What wonderful adventure do you have planned for yourself and the kids? Or maybe just you … you deserve it. Girls night out it is!!!
      I miss chatting to you live, but I find I’m really busy on weekends, so hardly a second to get on … and then it’s hit or miss whether you’ll be there.
      Well, so much for a short response. Tambo, if you’re reading this, thanks for your post. I will respond to you tomorrow. Have much to do before I sleep.
      Love, RG

    • #23287
      desdemona
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn! Lots of changes in your life, that’s for sure. I can relate to your disappointment and anger you felt towards your Mother. I wanted my Mother to fly to Edmonton where I would pick her up and we would go to Rocky Mountains where she would like her ashes eventually to be scattered. She does have some mild mobility problems and I offered to get her a wheelchair and to drop her off in front of the hotel and restaurants, and everything I could think of to make it easier for her. She complains that she never has anything to do and when I suggest things, she always has reasons why the suggestions won’t work for her. I told her that I wanted to spend time with her before she becomes unable to travel and before she dies, but her response was that she would think about it. I already knew her mind was made up not to go, even when she knew how important it was for me that we spend time together. I was angry because she couldn’t put my needs ahead of hers, for once. I realized decades ago that I wasn’t going to get what I needed emotionally from my Mother. So mnay of us have complicated relationships with our mothers. Carole  

    • #23288
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good evening,
      I am so unbelieveably tired.  This week we have been 3 staff members down and i didnt realise just how busy we have been until i have finally stopped…..
      I have neglected this site terribly, and im afraid there will not be much more tonight, my bed is calling me.
      Dames has gone away for the weekend, and tomorrow im taking the boys to a local market, we are then going to visit my sister, do the groceries and come home.  I am not planning on moving on Sunday, so if it doesnt get done tomorrow, it doesnt get done!!!
      Gambling is not on my mind, in fact, it feels pretty far away….i simply havent had time to even contemplate it, which is ironic as it used to be the other way around, i didnt have time to do anything because i would be planning my trips to gamble.  I cant imagine where i would be now if i hadnt found this site.
      Brea is coping ok, there doesnt seem to be any reconcilliation on the horizon, in fact, she bought a few things for "her" room so i think she will be around for a while yet.  Poor Harry seems to be a little lost, he doesnt have a bedroom per say, although he tends to sleep with us or we snuggle him on the couch so it isnt an issue at the moment.  It would be good for him to have a little of his own space, we are fortunate that he is so laid back.
      Well, thats about it for now, i feel terribly guilty that i havent been here to welcome any new members, or catch up with my dear friends,  hopefully ill get around to you all soon,
      Love Kathryn xxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23289
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning K, or it is for me, getting ready for work.  I’m feeling rather exhausted these days too and seems i always have a list of things to do looming ahead of me.  But, getting ready to have a month off.  And I feel I need it. It seems some of us semi oldies are in the same place.  Busy juggling real life and for once our gambling is not adding to the problem!  Thank God!  I could only imagine the major stress i would be feeling right now if i was still trying to juggle massive high interest gambling debt with where i was going to find the money for my next fix to get the heck away from all the problems and the drama.  Brea has a mom who is there with the required shoulder to cry on.  Little Harry has mom around to tuck him on the couch or snuggle with.  And most important our minds are present and not busy plotting.  So I agree with RG, as soon as a good opportunity presents you deserve a little holiday.  I am thinking of doing the same.  Money is a bit of an issue but i’m determined to find something!  Even a couple of interesting day trips.  Sometimes I think to the person that is just starting on this recovery journey we must seem a right bore.  But part of our recovery is learning to deal with responsibility better.  So here we are a couple years into this journey and i don’t know about you, but i’m still learning.  Is this what they call life long learning???  Well girl, I must run, time to get ready.  Hope you are sleeping well!  Lucky duck, its already Friday night for you!  Sweet dreams.
      Laura xo

    • #23290
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Wow you are always on the go if not with work with homelife.. I told you i call you , you really are like wonder woman.. hehe.. I hope that you enjoy the new house, I am sure you will love having Brea there with you though.. I am sure Harry doesn’t mind where he is as long as you are all close by.. have missed seeing your posts around here.. I hope you get to have some rest soon and some sort of treat for yourself.. a good movie or book even.. hope to see you round more soon
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23291
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi K. Thanks for the post on my thread. Life goes on and that baby girl bring so much laughter. We have been to tea this evening and Grandpa was in the ball pool with her, so funny, not sure who is the biggest kid !!! We so HOPE he will turn his life around too, but can’t sit by, life is too short and we are not getting any younger. Hope you got the long needed rest after the long shift and are all settling into your new home. Much love xxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #23292
      dianne
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, just popped in to say hello to a fellow Australian.  Thank you for your support and may I say what a long journal you have 165 pages.  Needless to say I haven’t read all of your posts but I can see you have spent a lot of time on your recovery and helping others here.  I think you deserve to have a little rest, don’t feel guilty you have a lot on your plate lately.  All the best DianneStrength and courage

    • #23293
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Well dear Kathryn,
      the weekend is over for you. But I’ll do my best to make group tomorrow as I’m on vacation wohoooooo!  Depends on whether my beauty rest decides i need more help tomorrow and i zzzzzzzzzzzzzz through it.  Talk soon i hope and don’t work too hard.  Hope you guys are back to your full compliment at work! 
      xoxo bye for now

    • #23294
      p
      Participant

      Hey K hope all is going well with you today.. hope you get some time to do something just for you.. hopefully catch up in chat again sometime soon hey
       P – Living and Learning

    • #23295
      kathryn
      Participant

      Morning all,
      Finally, Friday!!!  I do love Fridays, work is a bit more relaxed, the week has absolutely flown
      Not doing a lot this weekend, i am going for a hair trim tomorrow, my mum came into work on Tuesday and i was sitting with her waiting for the doctor, she said ‘gosh, your hair is getting so long’ and i said ‘yeah, i know’…then she says, "its looking a bit ratty on the ends"…LOL, thanks mum.  So ive booked a trim.
      Apart from that i will just be pottering around the house.  Money is a bit tight at the moment, i have a hard time not stressing about it, we have enough.  I cant seem to be happy with that.  I like to know there is some there for a rainy day.  Perhaps living so long with no money has turned me into a bit of a miser!
      Brea is still home, she informed me she is going up to Darwin to my sisters in about 6 weeks, which will be so good for her…her cousin is up there and they get on famously.  He will show her all the party spots up there.  I think a break away from here is just what she needs.  She seems to think that she will be here for a few months, im not sure she knows what is happening after that, i cant see her affording somewhere to live on her own, but she knows she can stay as long as she wants.
      Well, i must go and pour my travel mug and head off to work,
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Love Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23296
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Katie-girl!! You have Friday already, I’m so jealous, (although, let’s be clear, I’m not wishing my life away, lol!!) Hope your day went gloriously and that your weekend is restful.
      I know exactly what you mean about the money situation. Was in a tight spot before my pay day today. I’m 27 days in and have gone two pays with no money going to the rat hole. Talk about miserly. I’m watching both my husband and I closely, but still, there are always more days than pay. I can only imagine the misery if I hadn’t stopped this month. While there’s little left in the coffers, the boys are having a glorious summer. Nothing particularly grand, but just able to do everything, get much and go everywhere. I’m so happy for that. What a contrast to a year ago when I just move into the stinky house!!! It’s my boy’s birthday, so this weekend will be a high spending one too. Already his gifts and dinner out tonight cost a bit, then there’s the party Friday night (food for 7 teenagers … oy!!!) and movies for 7 teenagers and Dad. I’m going to have to take out a bank loan just for birthdays!!
      Anyway, enough of my rambling. Off to bed for me. Rough week, glad it’s almost Friday.
      Love, RG — 8/5/2011 3:42:26 AM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #23297
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hello everyone,
      I am going to the accountant tomorrow to get hubby’s tax done.  This last financial year i have been brutal and anal about keeping every possible reciept for us to claim back.  We have got quite the pile of reciepts which is great.  What is even better is that we got a letter from the tax department listing our debt payments and it turns out that we will be out of debt in only 1 more year.  I am so excited.  I thought it would take 5 years but it will only be 3. What a relief and what an opportunity to start planning out what we will do when this debt is paid. 
      I will finally feel free when this debt is paid.  It felt impossible at the time but now the light is at the end of the tunnel…woohoo!!!
      HOpe you are all well and happy,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23298
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn
      Happier for reading your post
      V

    • #23299
      got2quit
      Participant

      hi kath, it was good to see you the topic group as i reading you thread,
      Your are doing really well as i have read you have shared much of which i haven’t expressed in my due post… helps me keep thing in perspective thank you hope to talk to you soon

    • #23300
      got2quit
      Participant

      hi kath, it was good to see you the topic group as i reading you thread,
      Your are doing really well as i have read you have shared much of which i haven’t expressed in my due post… helps me keep thing in perspective thank you hope to talk to you soon

    • #23301
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning K,
      you are off to bed likely!  Seems I have been missing you a lot lately.  Not a whole lot new and exciting for me.  Just trying to get rid of darn neck pain.  It is somewhat better but don’t think I’ll be doing and gymnastics any time soon! Haha as if.  I’m soooooo happy for you!  Finding out you will be out of debt in one year is awesome!  I’m a tad jealous but very very glad for you.  You deserve it.  You have worked really hard on your recovery and it will be nice to have real dreams, not fantastical fake gambling ones.  I hope I can start catching you soon.  I’m going to have to start setting the alarm clock lol.
      take care my friend.  xo
      Laura

    • #23302
      female g
      Participant

      hey K that is such great news to hear your just about dept free. The one thing that often makes me feel sad for so many cg’s who are so far from the dept free dream and the long road ahead seems next to impossible but you my friend have made it and I hope your  light shines brightly for all the other cg’s to see their path to freedom and stick to it.  It is such a reward and sometimes the road to dept freedom is closer than they think it just means finding the path that will get them there the quickest. I did itwith some self sacrifice and in less than 4 years I will not owe a cent. What a relief . Glad to see your in the same club lol G

    • #23303
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey everyone,
      Wow, what a great weekend i had. Last night i went to the Sound of Music singalong.  We had planned to dress up but our costume hire didnt go to plan.  So, in plain clothes (i did wear black, as close to a habit as i could get) we went to the show.  It was amazing.  There was a compare, we were given a little goody bag of props, and we were told what to do with them.  It was brilliant.
      I sang like no one was listening, as did the other 1000 something people in the room.  It would have to be one of the most different, enjoyable nights ive had in a long time.  Today we went to the market in Melbourne, and although i didnt buy anything it was a relaxing morning.
      Its lovely to be able to go away for a night, and not have the thoughts of gambling hanging over my head.
      Its wonderful to spend time with my sister and neices and not have the thoughts of gambling lingering in the background.
      Today i am really grateful for what i have, and how far i have come.  To enjoy life, without those thoughts, those urges, making me want to shut out the world.  Now this is living!!!!
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23304
      bettie
      Participant

      "The hills are alive" well, awake anyways!
      Guess I missed you today-I was sleeping soundly until the cat meowed in my face.
      Sounds like you had a great time. I am glad for you!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23305
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey everyone,
      Wow, i havent posted on my thread for a week
      In truth, i havent had a lot to tell, just working and coming home and working, it seems a never ending cycle during the week. We do have accreditation at work in a few weeks, making it a very stressful time.  Fail accreditation and we lose a massive amount of funding from the government.  Need i say more?
      My life in general is going pretty smoothly.  A bit more money coming in would be welcomed, but i suppose in life thats just normal, there just never seems to be enough, well, im so used to having none so i seem to be in the frame of mind of hanging on to everything i get!
      I am however going away this weekend coming, to Sydney with my best friend.  We are having a girls weekend of shopping, a show perhaps, or sitting down at the quay watching the world go by (that sounds good too).  I am soooo looking forward to it, we have had it booked for months.
      So, im only doing a 3 day week this week, we leave on Friday, but im taking Thursday off as well, it will be great to be able to get organised at home, get some grocery shopping done, and get packing!!!
      I hope you are all well and happy, i have had no real urges to gamble, i was sad to see that P had closed her thread, and ecstatic at Betties 1 year mark.  Both keep my resolve strong.
      Take care my lovely friends,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23306
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      sorry to have missed you this morning!  Your upcoming long weekend seems lovely and well deserved!  Reading your post makes me finally understand how I was living in the "dream world" of a gambler.  As I was never one dreaming about big bailout win, (the games i played didn’t have such a thing), i couldn’t understand how this applied to me.  Now I do, I must have been living in some kind of dreamworld to think i could put 100’s even thousands of dollars a week into a slot machine and still afford to support my family! Madness!  So truly well done K on doing what needs to be done and then rewarding yourself in a healthy way.  Wish I could come along on that trip to Sydney.  I am picturing it now!  Have a good short week at work and talk to you soon.
      xo Laura

    • #23307
      female g
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn glad I was able to catch up with you for at least a little whle the other day.  I find that i don’t post as much now either but I never had much time too back when i GAMBLED  and even less time now while i don’t. I just find I am busy living the life lol. The new house and all the projects and the ever growing family takes up most of my free time after a 40 hour work week. But I am happier and the old me is alive and well. I was thrilled for Bettie too but did not realize that P closed her thread and you know of course that I too am sad to hear that. G

    • #23308
      dianne
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, glad to hear life is good for you.  I am enjoying a gamble free life at the moment, hope it lasts.  No, I’m determined it will last.  Enjoy your trip to Sydney.Strength and courage

    • #23309
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      HI Kathryn, Have a great trip to Sydney!!  I love to plan for trips, even small ones.  It is good to have something to look forward to.  Well, I really did blow it!!!  I had my 3rd weigh in and measurement session.  I lost 2 lbs and 2 inches.  The homemade pizza and ice cream sundaes didn’t help.  LOL!!  I was real dissapointed in myself, for about 2 mins.  I will work harder on it in the coming month!!!  You sound like you are doing well. Take care and have a great time!!  Thanks for posting on my thread, as it’s always good to hear from you.  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23310
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Sounds great Kathryn. Inspirational as always.Because recovery is priceless; I dont gamble.

    • #23311
      got2quit
      Participant

      hi kath, good to have chatted with you in topic group i must admitt i got a head ache from trying to absorb it all LOL
      have awonderful day, you deserve it !

    • #23312
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I had a brilliant weekend.  It was full of laughter (me falling down the stairs of the train on arrival was just the start!) 
      I have arrived home to a surprisingly clean house (a miracle!) and my mil is also here (hmm, yet to be determined if this is a good or bad thing).  Back to work and reality tomorrow. 
      Sydney is absolutely beautiful, the weather was amazing, couldnt have asked for better.  We shopped till we dropped!
      Not a minute to think of gambling, even though i am not banned from any venues in sydney at all. 
      Cant wait to catch up with you all,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23313
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn
      Just dropped in to say ‘hi’ and catch up.  As always your posts give me a boost to carry on.  You are inspirational all over the site.
      I am so pleased your time in Sydney was so good.  I am off to the Camargue in France in September and really looking forward to it.  As I have a propensity to fall over I wlll take heed of your experience and avoid stairs at all costs. 
      V

    • #23314
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      So glad you had a good time! I am going to Florida in November for a wedding. Just found out my cousin has a place in Palm Springs-so I will go there too. I haven’t had a vacation in years and I am so looking forward to it.
      Glad your house was clean!
      take care
      bettie

    • #23315
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K: Where are you, my friend? I miss your posts. Glad to hear you had a fabulous time in Sydney. Rather jealous about the shopping.
      On this side, a little sad that our summer will soon come to an end. Next week is the start of school and my big boy starts high school. I’m so very anxious about that. I have MUCH to do to prepare both my boys and then of course, the eternal job hunt. Fingers crossed.
      Just a quick note tonight. Will write again soon. Stay safe and have a wonderful end of week.
      Love, RG

    • #23316
      reds
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn –
      Your holiday in Sydney sounds great – you deserve a break and I’m gad you had fun.
      We just got a 100 dollar gift certificate in the mail from our real estate agent for a local store – retail therapy will do me a world of good and with " free " money, even better !! I’m grinning ear to ear.
      Have a great gamble free day
      redsGambling is not an option.

    • #23317
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Thank you, K. Lovely to hear from you. Hope you’re taking the weekend to recharge. Don’t stress over work, you’ll do what’s necessary when you’re there. And when you’re away from it, enjoy where you are. As you know, I am constantly, CONSTANTLY reading about mindfulness and a better way of being. When I read this stuff, it’s like I’m thunderstruck by my own stupidity. Most of our fears and stresses are just nonsense that we’re making up in our own heads. When we’re sitting at home stressing about work, we’re being silly, because there’s not a damn thing we can do about it. And worse, we’re taking time away from ourselves and families worrying about things that are unlikely to happen. None of us can predict what will happen in the next moment, much less the next day. So my friend, just enjoy this second, as you read my reply. Grab your coffee, smile and feel your shoulders sink in relaxation. About the money … who cares!! Do you have bread, peanut butter, jelly, tea, milk, coffee, sugar??? Then you’re RICH by many standards. What is in front of you is the fruit of your hard labour, especially over the past two years. Enjoy the wealth, ignore all else. The bills will be paid when you can pay them, it’s all good 🙂
      On that OMMM-ey note!!
      Have peace and joy and happiness. Channel into Sydney.
      Love ya. RG– 9/3/2011 9:09:39 PM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #23318
      Anonymous
      Guest

      We don’t get to catch up these day K, glad see see you having a girls weekend away, sounds great.
      Hope to catch up soon.
      Cathie x

    • #23319
      vera
      Participant

      How did the accreditation go, Kathryn!
      thinking of you!

    • #23320
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good Morning,
      Vera, you have a great memory….accreditation was yesterday, i was a little nervous, fear of the unknown i suppose, but it went really well.  I answered all the questions and the woman doing it seemed satisfied with my answers.  I had to show her around the clinic, how we do things, sterilising, immunisations etc.
      There was also a doctor there doing the GP side of things, he was nice too.  They arrived about 9am, and by 1.30 they said they were ready with their report…..i think thats when i became the most nervous, i didnt want to let the boss down, but i got a really good report and there were no issues within the clinic, meaning that we have passed!
      So now we have 3 years to relax…lol.
      I am planning a very quiet weekend, not doing much at all, for 1, im exhausted from the week, and 2nd the weather is horrific, wind, rain, storms etc…a good weekend to stay warm at home.
      So im hoping to catch up with a few of you on chat,
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Love Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23321
      tuggerplugger
      Participant

      Glad you had a gr8 time in Sydney and enjoyed it … lived here for 20 y and still love it … last weekend had gr8 spring weather … funny though … I go shopping in Melbourne for clothing at times … we travel 1000 km to go shopping …love collins st
      Good to see you go well !
      Wim

    • #23322
      Anonymous
      Guest

      HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AUSSIE GIRL!!! Hope it was awesome and that the birthday fairy granted all your wishes. Much love, RG

    • #23323
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks RG, i had a lovely day today.
      I am currently typing on my new laptop (birthday prezzie) after a lovely lunch with my family, my bestie and her family.  It was a lovely day, i was spoilt rotten!!!
      Back to work tomorrow, im sure the stress of the past week will be gone (thankfully) and we can get back to some normality.  We had sad news this week, a young girl of 12 who has been our patient for a long time was diagnosed with leukemia.  Makes you realise just how precious your family is.  Thankfully it is treatable, but she will have to go through the wringer first.  Her and her mum were sobbing, and we were all sobbing right along with her.  Its impossible, in a sitation like that to not feel anything. It could just have easily been one of us standing on the other side of that counter. 
      Anyway, Im grateful that i have made another birthday gamble free.  As Larry says, its my belly button birthday…LOL.
      Love to you all,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23324
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn

      Thanks RG, i had a lovely day today.
      … its my belly button birthday…LOL.

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Happy Birthday, without the RCG birthdays BB birthdays would not be as enjoyable.  Have a good one!
      Add GT to your new laptop favorites.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23325
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Girl!
      Guess I should have posted yesterday since my 11th is your 12? LOL!
      Happy Happy Birthday Kathryn!!
      Love you bunches!!!
      bettie

    • #23326
      desdemona
      Participant

      Happy, Happy Birthday Kathryn! Hoping to get to know you better. Carole

    • #23327
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good evening,
      Another week down, they are flying!!! Busy week at work, a few issues last night that i wont elaborate on except to say be careful what you say because someone is always listening!!
      I had the boys school concert last night, which was, of course, brilliant!!  The boys were awesome, i was really proud of them. 
      Dames has gone away for the night, perhaps 2.  He missed the concert last night as he had a work thing.  Turns out he wiped himself out and guess where he ended up?  With the keycard?  Yep, out at my gambling venue.  To say i was unimpressed was an undertatement.  Proboably a good thing that he’s gone away!!!!
      Anyway, hope to see a few of you on chat on the weekend,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23328
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, im sitting at my besties place, babysitting her 2 boys.  I have just put master 3 to bed and im praying he stays there….he is a pretty good sleeper so fingers crossed.
      Master 4 and i are watching some fire truck cartoon thing,,,,,,he is sleeping with me tonight in the big bed!!  Very exciting.  From all accounts he is a rubber…..rubs your arm, your face etc.  I always thought it was cute, but apparently he nearly rubs your skin off! 
      Not much else happening in my life, the kids are on school hols for 2 weeks and im having 3 days off each week.  Im planning on doing a few things with them, although im not quite sure what yet.  Im looking forward to a few days off too.  It will be nice not to have to rush in the mornings.
      In terms of my addiction, i had to go and do a bit of shopping after work on Friday night.  What was interesting was that i realised driving home that going to gamble did not even register in my brain for 1 single second.  I had means and opportunity, but the self exclusion ensured i couldnt enter a venue.  Oh, what a nice feeling!!!! It still amazes me that i have come so far in my recovery, i honestly didnt think i could ever stop.  I remember coming here for the first time and thinking that i would never be one of those people, you know, the ones that actually managed to stop for a decent period of time?  It was so daunting back then.
      I like my life.
      Love Kathryn xxxxx  To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23329
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn,
      lol, i hope you survive the night with all your skin!   I’ve never heard of that before lol.  You are doing amazing in your recovery K.  It takes a lot of strength to deal with the emotions, the withdrawal, the complete change in lifestyle.  It is great to be able to say that you like your life. Keep on working your recovery and loving that life!  Talk soon.
      laura

    • #23330
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well, i survived the night, skin intact…
      I do however think that this boy is the lovechild of Darth Vader…im not sure how much sleep i got, but i have never heard such heavy breathing in my life!!!  Yes, he did have a cold, but this was unbelieveable!
      So we are here this morning, Dora the Explorer on the tv, me bleary eyed and skulling coffee.
      I think a nanna nap will be in order this afternoon!!!
      Love Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23331
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hello Kathryn
      Well i just read your post and that made me laugh.  Darth Vader, have to say i am a fan of the star wars saga.  You have done very well in your recovery.  It must be a great feeling.  Well done.  Hope i can say the same some day.  I will be coming to this site and attending GA so will see how that pans out for me.
      Enjoy your holiday time
       Living with Hope

    • #23332
      female g
      Participant

      I llove to hear how you are living life too and it is awesome to have you as one of my hero’s in my life.  Happy b-day to you and you deserve all the great things life can give. Now go get yourself a nap after a hard night with Darth you deserve it lol. g

    • #23333
      gunner27
      Participant

      Glad to hear everything is going well Kathryn, good for you! cheers Jim

    • #23334
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Not a lot to report.  Ive been spending time with the kids over the holidays.  I did take them by train to Melbourne on Sunday to meet up with a friend i havent seen for a very long time.  We had a great day, it was lovely seeing my friend, we had a good catch up, coffee, and our kids played together.  The weather was lovely, and i was sad to say goodbye to her.  The trainride home was one of the most relaxing hours ive had for a long time.  I do love riding on a train.
      This week im only working MOnday and Tuesday and i have the rest of the week off.  Im plannning on doing something with the kids,not sure what yet, their sister is taking them to the pool/waterslides tomorrow which should be great, not to mention they will be in bed early!
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Love Kathryn xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23335
      caron
      Participant

      Hi kathryn, Living life, enjoying the simple things.  Good stuff.  

    • #23336
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey Chiquita: Having the week off with the kids is lovely, isn’t it? I’m happy to hear that you’re happy. I thought about you so much yesterday when I was at my weekly group therapy meeting. There were several new people which is always a good thing as it gives one a jolt, especially when complacency creeps in. I mentioned that between live meetings, I went online and spoke to people around the world. Then it struck me — I MISS AUSSIE GIRL!!! It’s been so long since we’ve had a chat, I miss those days.
      Anyway, thought I would come on and read today. I’ve started my zero-hour work weeks (contract finished). I’m trying to establish a routine at home so that I don’t go spiralling down into something stupid. I’m into week 12 now and I want to keep going. I try not to think of the days and time, because it seems to add up so slowly. And this time I really want to make it stick. There are many days when I still wish I could go gambling, but thankfully, they’re becoming less.
      Right, now … onto something even healthier than this. I’m heading out to take the dog for a walk, housework be damned. Hope you’re relaxing this evening, basking in the fact that you have five glorious vacation days ahead of you.
      Love, RG

    • #23337
      twilight16
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn,
      I cried again when I read your reply to my post. I am amazed that even through the nightmare I had lived for so many years, especially the last three, I would be able to be where I am now. I finally realized that I cannot change anyone and I have let go even thinking I can. I accept what I cannot change.
      I somehow woke up Sat with a new way of thinking about my father knowing he usually calls me on this day. As I have said in my post, I told myself I will not acknowledge his gamblling again. I wil lnot mention it and instead I will just enjoy my father as just my father. It was something I never did before yet it was what I needed to make peace with how things truly are. I cannot hold grudges because of his gambling. It doesn’t matter anymore as  long as it doesn’t effect my life. My position of no enablement will always stand but again I am trying to not even think of that.
      I do remember when you posted about your father and it touches me now as you mentioned it as it did then. You have always be such an inspiratiom to everyone here. I believe your father is watching you, proud as he could be, seeing what a wonderful daughter he has.
      Love,
      Twilight
       (I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23338
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi,
      Im sorry i missed my group last night, i didnt even realise id missed it until just now, and its 27hrs later. My mum is in the hospital, its not life threatning, but possibly life changing.  Im not coping so well right now, im exhausted and scared, and so is my poor mammy.
      Ill be in touch when i know more,
      KathrynTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23339
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K: I’m so very sorry to hear things are not well with your Mum. It is scary when they get older and start getting ailments … I do hope she’ll be fine very soon. Please make sure that you get enough rest so that you can properly give her the care that I know that you’d want to. At times like these, dust bunnies and dishes can wait indefinitely … it really puts things in perspective. One good thing though, you’re there body, mind and soul to help her, rather than being in a gambling fog, running off to the casino at the least bit of stress. Sending love and all the strength I can muster across the miles. Love, RG

    • #23340
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      I am so sorry you are exhausted and scared. Please stay close to us so that we can support you. 
      Sometimes we don’t feel we cope to well but we do have unknown reserves thank goodness.
      I am thinking about you. Look after yourself. Your mum will get support from your love. 
      If only we could squeeze the world closer at times so that we could hold on to each other. I am hugging you in cyber space
      Loads of Love
      Velvet xx
       

    • #23341
      vera
      Participant

      I’m very sorry to hear that Kathryn….another "one day at a time" challenge. Try not to let fear overcome you. Love conquers all!

    • #23342
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Morning Kathryn,
      I’m thinking of you ((((((((((((( K ))))))))))).  I hope your mom is doing better this evening.  Remember how strong you are.  xo
      Laura

    • #23343
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope your mum will be ok.  Hope to see you soon
       Living with Hope

    • #23344
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Hope things are looking up for you and yours.
      Take care!
      bettie

    • #23345
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well, things are looking up.  Mum is home, and she seems to be getting a little better day by day.  There has been a lot of running around by myself and my sister.  We have put a lot of things into place to make life a little easier for my mum and step dad.
      Its unreal how you suddenly apprecieate things when your life takes a dramatic change.  My life hasnt changed too much really, but i think my mums will and she is none too happy about it.  Im just grateful that i could go over there tonight, have a chat to her and a cuddle and tell her i love her. 
      Gambling has not come into my mind, i have been so busy and so tired that i havent had time to think aobut it, but in truth, thank god im not gambling, i can only imagine just how i would be spending my spare time if i was.  There would just be no way i could have been as productive as i have been if i was in action, and my mum would have suffered for that, then the guilt i would have felt afterwards, that horrendous wave of nausea, ugh.
      Im not sure what will happen in the future with my mum, but i am grateful that i will be present for her, that i will be able to help her with a clear mind. 
      TC…..KxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23346
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Glad to hear your mum is home and i am so glad for you too that you are not gambling.  No gambling for you for a long long time, hope i can say the same some day, 30 days for me today. 
      I am sure your mum appreciates you being there with those cuddles
       Living with Hope

    • #23347
      kathryn
      Participant

      I watched a movie tonight and these lines struck a massive chord with me, i just had to write them down…..
      if you are willing to regard everything that happens on your journey as a clue,
      and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher,
      and if you are prepared to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself,
      Then the truth will not be with held from you.
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23348
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      Then the truth will not be with held from you. 

      Good morning Kathryn,,
      I too sometimes find phrases in movies, and books and songs, that stick with me and help me see things in a different and better light. The ones that stick with me are less philosophical than the one you quote, but it is our examining and using what strikes a cord within us that helps, not necessary the intent or source, e.g. "To live, that would be a great adventure".  Your using this phrase coming from a child’s "imagination" strikes a cord with me each time I read your post; and today’s quote serves to define and add direction to our adventures called life.
      Another line in  Eat, Pray, Love, by the character Liz Gilbert is "When you set out in the world to help yourself, sometimes you end up helping Tutti" (Tutti is another character in the movie, but in Italian it means all or everybody). You and many others here are doing just that. Keep helping yourself and sharing that experience with others, it is a help to us as well.
      God’s speed. Keep aware. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23349
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning K, or good night for you.  Sorry I missed you, was a sleepy head today.  I am so happy that your mom is doing better and that you were there for her.  Each day is a gift as Richie would say.  We can’t go back but at least we can live each new day like it is a gift.  Thanks for sharing your quote, very inspirational.  Reminds a person to maybe slow down and learn along the way.  Have a good week at work!  And keep enjoying a gamble free life!  Well done 🙂
      Laura xo

    • #23350
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I am so pleased to hear your mum is home and seems to be a little better.
      I loved the words you have taken from the film.  I like the idea of everyone I meet being a teacher because that obviously applies to good and bad. All teaching can be listened to or rejected but we should learn from it all and hopefully apply the good to ourselves.
      You have been a teacher in passing these words on and I am going to print them off and ponder them – especially the last 2 lines as they will give me some serious pondering.
      I am sorry your mum is looking at a life-changing experience that she is none too happy about. How good it is that her daughter is able to be there for her in every way because she made a life-changing decision and bravely stuck to it. 
      As a mum I believe we are very blessed to have children who have overcome terrible adversity. It seems to me that we have something more special than most people will experience. Life is often not kind but with your heightened empathy and understanding you will be able to give your mum so much more, so no thoughts of horrendous nauseous waves because they are not for you.  Whatever period your mother is entering, her pride in you will sustain her and give her strength.  
      Love
      V xx

    • #23351
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I hope you are having a good weekend.  Just popping in to say hello and see how you are doing lately
       Living with Hope

    • #23352
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all and thanks for your replies,
      I have had a massive weekend, and i mean massive.
      Yesterday i went on a shopping trip.  It was in Melbourne, you go to all the factories and buy buy buy.  Normally i do my Christmas shopping, the bargains are amazing, but this year i thought i would splurge a little on myself…..and i did.
      We started at 7am and didnt get back to our cars until 8.30 that night.  To say i was tired would be an understatement.  I had to do my grocery shopping today, and then i came home, had a nanna nap and then weeded my garden.  That sounds pretty basic, but…..i have never weeded a garden in my life.  I dont like doing it, i never have.  Today was hot and by tonight, although it was still very muggy it was lovely out there.  I couldnt help myself.  I have to wonder if there is something wrong with me….lol.
      My sister is flying in from Darwin tomorrow night….late.   Of course the baby sister is picking her up.  Its going to take me a couple of hours to get there, but it will be great to see her, its been 10 months.  She has come down to see mum, who is doing ok, grumpy as anything today so she must be feeling better.  I got shoved out the door after a 5 minute visit!!!!  A busy week ahead for me, thank god gambling isnt a part of my life anymore, i would be in serious trouble.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23353
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Uh oh … gardening??? And liking it??? In fact being driven to do it??? That’s a sign of … how shall I put it?? … ok, let’s call it “wisdom”, LOL!! I know that about five years ago I started to have a yearning to work with the earth. I couldn’t believe myself … there I was for hours weeding, and tilling, and planting and pruning. And I LOVED it. Then I realized … I was getting … “wiser”. ***cackles*** Seriously though, it’s a great feeling and I’m so happy to hear that you’re enjoying your space in the world. Must say I’m a little jealous of your hot weather, but then we’ve had our fair share this year, so I should just be gracious about it, right??? I won’t be gracious about your shopping in Melbourne though … downright jealous about that one!! Will def. let you know about the focus group. Looking forward to it.
      Love, RG

    • #23354
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      What a weekend. OMG I am happy you went shopping and spent some time for you.  You really deserve it.  I love hearing about your weekends.  I have never weeded the garden either.  i would have NO idea.  The most i do is hosing and raking a small area haha.  Thats about it for me on that front.  I was thinking about planting a little tree to symbolise my journey on being gamble free.  Watch the tree grow as i do.  I hope!!!!  Feel like a little bit of growth is slowly happening, a new shoot appearing in this mind of mine.  Its going to take a looong time and i hope i am strong enough.  Nice to hear what you are doing . See you soon
       Living with Hope

    • #23355
      velvet
      Moderator

       
       
      Hi Mrs Gardener
      The trouble with weeding is that it leaves brown patches. The best bit is sticking green things, or seeds, in to those brown patches because they grow with nice coloured bits on the end and that’s when the back ache that comes with weeding is worthwhile.
      Chucking away the old nasty bits and growing healthy, wonderful plants that you can sit back and admire, whilst saying – ‘I did that, all on my own with a bit of love and care’ – much like recovery methinks xx
      I am going to move my pheasant berry now – it needs a new place in the garden and then I will deserve to sit down, with my coffee, to read my paper. 
      Glad all is under control in Kathryn-land
      V x
       

    • #23356
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hello dear Ms Kathryn,
      thanks for the post, I miss you lots too.  Hope you are enjoying your visit with your sister!  I have been really really tired lately, low iron apparently.  Yawnnnnn, now I’m dragging myself off to work.  TGIF!!!  Talk soon I hope!
      Laura

    • #23357
      vera
      Participant

      Maybe it’s hearing about the Melbourne Cup that made me think of you Kathryn, or maybe I’m still trying to answer the question you asked me when I last gambled on 20th September-"WHY?"
      Another new  month so another chance to find answers instead of escaping the questions !
      ODAAT!

    • #23358
      female g
      Participant

      Hi K just trying to do a little catching up with a few of my friends here. I see your mom has been ill but starting to feel better now so thats good. I hope you enjoy your family time and good for you to be so good to your mom no matter what.G hopefully we catch up on chat sometime.G

    • #23359
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks Vera and G for bringing me back to the top…..
      My sister left on Sunday, i took her to the airport and dropped her off.  She was relieved to see that mum was ok and went home knowing that she was being cared for.
      You are right Vera, it was the Melbourne cup today, and even though we didnt have a bet at work, it was still exciting to listen to the race.  Im not a horse race follower at all, but even that geve me a little twinge of excitement.  It was over as quickly as it had started,  i was very aware of how it made me feel and have no intent to listen to another race anytime soon.  I usually had a bet on that race, only a small amount of money, it was the only time i bet on the horses.  Im afraid of horses, so i have never been particularly interested in them!!!!!
      Life is pretty quiet at my house at the moment, my daughter is tossing up having a year off university, i am extremely wary of this as i think it would be better to just get it all over and done with.  She wants to move out, and she doesnt make enough to do that at the moment.  I have spoken to her, its not that im against her having a year off, but im not sure she has not thought things through and i cant stand by and say nothing.  We had a good talk last night and i hope some of what i said got through to her.
      My boys are going great, they are having swimming lessons at the moment, it happens for 2 weeks every 4th term.  I wish i could go and watch them, but, of course, i have to work.
      So, theres an update from me, I hope you are all well and happy,
      Love Kathryn xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23360
      warrior
      Participant

      Funny you were thinking of me..well i was gone along tie.have alot of catchign up and reading to do.happy for you you saw your sister sad when they go but haapy for the memories you made during the visit.sounds like things are good for you so good job!!have a great day.here to make it one year..and more, lets do it!!!

    • #23361
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey everyone,
      So my weekend was, for want of a better word, ordinary.
      I was sick on Friday, extremely sick.  I must have caught something at work because i very rarely get sick.  I was not impressed!  By Sunday i was back to my old self thankfully.  I am also grateful that so far no one else in the family has been blessed with my germs!!
      The length of time i have abstained from gambling hasnt seemed to help the finances much.  Yes, the bills are being paid, which is a miracle in itself, its just that i thought we would really be a bit better off than we are now.  I guess what has bought this on is that i found out yesterday that it looks like we will have to move at the end of our lease.  I am pretty disheartened by this, i cant bear the thought of moving again.  I only just feel that we have settled here and i adore this house.  While i try to be positive and not dwell too much on the past, i shake my head every time something like this happens.  I had it.  I lost it.  And its not so much me, but the kids……it makes me sad that we arent stable.  That they get comfortable then we are on the move again.  That this addiction has affected far more than myself.  I know i didnt ask for it, but neither did they.
      Anyway, i know ill wake up tomorrow and my worries will be gone.  At least until the next time!!!
      Back to focusing on what i DO have, not what i DONT.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Love Kathryn xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23362
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Chiquita: I know exactly what you mean. While I only have a fraction of the clean time you have and while my work as an entrepreneur leaves me with gaps in income, I still wish I could see more progress. But, I guess, just as with anything else, it’s teeny baby steps. The good news is, I haven’t run up any credit card debt since April of this year and I paid other debts down a bit, but man … there is a long way to go. Good that you seeing the glass half full … the other way is too much of a downer 🙂 Just remember, my friend,, no matter how grim the finances look at the moment, it would have been 200 times worse had you continued gambling. Each day, month, year that you abstain, you’re that much richer. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
      On this side, I’ve managed to take a tumble off one of my stairs and ended up with a badly sprained ankle. I spent the day with my foot up feeling mighty sorry for myself. I think I’m suffering a bit of PTSD after the fall, because I’m terrified of taking the stairs now. Stupid, eh? I’m amazed at the size of my ankle. Who knew a human body could puff up that way. Looks like I have a tennis ball under my skin.
      Hope all is sunny and well in K-land. Love, RG

    • #23363
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I think RG has already voiced my immediate thought on reading your post.
      You would be in a far worse position than you are now financially and spiritually if you were still allowing your addiction to pull your strings.
      Life is tough and getting tougher all round the world at the moment and you are probably struggling because of the downturn.  The pinch is being felt in my little corner of England too. x
      When does your lease run out? 
      Don’t be disheartened my friend – you are doing so well, you are inspiring so many. I would imagine you are probably still feeling a bit low after being sick and things look worse when you are not physically on top. 
      Sometimes it is harder to focus on what we have, than what we don’t have – I know the feeling only too well. Your children have a whole mum who has the most amazing courage – that is worth more than anything. 
      Don’t look back thinking I have had it and I have lost it – look forward and know that you have it now, enjoy it and know that you are mentally able to fight for whatever the future holds for you and your children. 
      I hope you continue to feel better and that your spirits are back up again today.
      As Ever
      V x

    • #23364
      vera
      Participant

      ‘Hope you’re feeling a bit better Kathryn!
      How long is your lease ? Maybe there will be some way you can extend it? Good tenants are hard to find so don’t give up  hope!
      Children are far more flexible than adults and what you see as "stability" may come across differently to them so keep it simple Kathryn. One day at a time for everything!
      Everything changes, just enjoy what you have today!

    • #23365
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Just a quick post, my computer is down at the moment and im on Breas.  I have my technition working on it but im not sure if ill be able to get here as often until it is up and running again.
      I have a dreadful cold at the moment, i had to leave work early and i came home and slept for 4 hours.  I think ill be home tomorrow too, it feels like its getting worse, so im better off recovering at home and not spreading more germs around. 
      Life has been ok.  Ive let go of the worry of moving again, what will be will be and i cant do anything about it.  If we have to, we have to!!!  Im enjoying what i have while i have it.  I am having Christmas lunch at my place this year, its the first time since my birth i have had it anywhere but mums.  I think its time to have a change, im the only one with smaller children so it seems fitting that its here.  What i am doing though, is making sure i have a beautiful table, and we have a lovely relaxing lunch. Everyone brings something so it makes life easy. Im actually pretty excited about it.
      Well, im going to have a read, and a rest, im sure ill be up for hours yet, having 4 hours sleep puts my body out of whack a bit, but ill try to have a reasonably early one.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23366
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope you feel better soon
      V x

    • #23367
      vera
      Participant

      Feet up Kathryn. Dreaming and planning for Christmas sounds magical! I LOVE Christmas!

    • #23368
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey all,
      Well i am feeling much better.  Still not 100%, i had to get antibiotics as the cold was getting worse and not better.  I dont normally, but with work and home i need to be well.
      Ive had a massive shake up at work, we now have 2 staff members leave, which leaves staff numbers tragically low.  To make matters worse, we dont have enough doctors at the moment, which means any hope of hiring anyone else has gone out the window as cost cutting has now set in.  When our new doctors arrive things will pick up, but for now, well, we just need to work with what we have.  Luckily christmas time isnt as busy with the kids on holidays, so theres one small blessing to count.
      I dont have a lot more to add, life is just that…..life.  Things are a bit wierd with the hubby, he has been broody and we bounce off each other so i dont think either of us are too happy at the moment.  He is going away next week for 4 days and frankly im glad for it.  A break might just be what we need.
      The kids are all well, i feel i dont see them enough, im looking forward to some days off over the month of January and im planning to do a lot with them.  Wont be long and they wont want to hang with their ‘old’ mum anymore!!!
      Well, just a quickie today,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23369
      richie
      Participant

      …Still not 100%…
      Somtimes a little phrase like this catches my attn…
      Of course, you were speaking physically (lovely) K, but the way my mind works (or doesn’t) I like to turn things inside out and proclaim that I have never BEEN 100% in the past 65 years, tee hee. Isn’t it great that one can still “function” at less than 100%??? It’s not like these stupid computers that won’t let you get online unless/until you know the EXACT password.
      Lately I have been hearing the expression “willing to go to ANY lengths for my recovery”. I know what that means and I even know where it comes from (the “big book” of Alcoholics Anonymous). But saying one is willing to go to ANY lengths is akin to that 100% deal. One lady told me that she used to be willing to go to MANY lengths, but it wasn’t until just recently that she dropped the M from Many and is now willing to go to ANY lengths.
      I have taken almost the opposite approach. I am so grateful that I am willing to go to even one length (BTW speaking of one length, harkens me back to my horse race gambling days where they measured the winning distances at the finish wire in “lengths”) What I mean by that is for about 25 years I was not willing to go to even one length for my recovery and then in 1991 I finally went to my first GA meeting. (BTW I am not saying that a CG must go to their first GA meeting. I believe that there are many paths to recovery, GA being just one path that seems to work for some. I actually believe in that phrase “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” so, if I show even 1% of willingness then a path will appear for me to take.)
      I also believe that once I start down that (recovery) path, more and more opportunities will present themselves. Unfortunately, more and more roadblocks will also present themselves. That’s why recovery is not a straight line type of thing. Some have said that we need to learn how to dance, i.e. two steps forward and one step back.
      Anyway, I gotta run along now. Thanks again K for your post and for your wonderful diary here.
      Richie in Florida… …each day is a GIFT!

    • #23370
      kathryn
      Participant

      Richie, thanks so much for posting, i have really missed you!!!
      Its ‘lovely’ to know that you are still around and reading, GT needs someone like you, who has stood the test of time (and urges) to remain gamble free for so long.  Speaking for myself, i need to know that it can be done, that there are people in the world who have managed this addiction and are living, really living!!
      As for me, well, i took my mother Christmas shopping today, i do it every year, we go to a big shopping centre, so we dont have to walk too far, mum uses a wheelie frame and gets cramps in her legs, so the less we walk the better.
      Mind you, i had a pretty good time, we got all mums shopping done, and i managed to buy a few things for christmas day.  Plus, there were massive, and i mean massive sales, so of course…i had to take advantage.  I only spent a little and got a lot so i was thrilled.
      Tonight i went to my besties for dinner. I adore my Thursday nights with her, she pampers me even though she is so tired.  I get dinner, dessert, a blanket for the couch, a heat pack for my back if i need one, honestly, what more can a girl want.  Then we have coffee (she has a new coffee machine, yum…) and watch our shows.  We are so far behind its not funny and we never stop yapping the whole time.  Bliss!!!!
      I have tomorrow off as well and im planning on doing very little,  wrapping some christmas presents, a bit of a house tidy, perhaps a little visiting but in all, not much.  Im working on the weekend and im doing  7 days straight, so  i need at least 1 rest day.
      So, theres my update, i really enjoyed group tonight, thanks Ingrid, Sunny, Michelle and Vtc…
      Take care my lovelies,
      Kathryn xxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23371
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Santa
      I would like for Christmas this year to be with Kathryn and her bestie on a Thursday night – even if it is only as a fly on the wall. 
      Love
      Velvet

    • #23372
      sunny123
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, it was very nice to see on in the chat today. hope you keep aspiring others to stay away by keep going strong.tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

    • #23373
      kathryn
      Participant

      Honestly,
      Sometimes it feels its never going to end.
      Today i got a phone call.  The debt i incurred while gambling has come to bite me on the butt.  Yes, i am paying it off, but, there is another debt.  2 of them. 
      I have made a payment plan.  The debt is not a huge amount, but its enough.  I feel like im back, before i excluded, before  i had to sit hubby down and tell him what i had done.  I have to face it, i have to tell him.  There is going to be yelling, there is going to be swearing, my gambling will be dredged up again, it is not going to be a fun night for me, or for hubby i suppose.  We have gone backwards, not a lot, but a bit, enough for him to use my gambling addiction and throw it in my face. 
      Sometimes it feels, that no matter what i do, its never enough, im never enough, and its never going to be over.
      Im scared.
      Kathryn x– 2/12/2011 12:39:58 AM: post edited by Kathryn.

    • #23374
      Anonymous
      Guest

      K darling … I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a bit of a rough time. It isn’t fair … you have worked your tail off to make things right. Just goes to show how far-reaching the damage we’ve done to our lives goes. In terms of dealing with hubby, try not to predict the outcome. You’re making yourself more miserable than you need to be. Who knows, it may not result in a scream fest. Perhaps it will just be a sombre discussion. Stay calm, my friend, and try to remain in the present. Whatever is happening at this very second is the only thing you can control. The discussion will be what it is, but I’m certain it will be easier if you’re calm and in control. Sometimes we manifest trouble by whipping ourselves up before hand. Be kind to yourself and try to remember to enormous strides you’ve made both emotionally and financially since the start of this journey. Chin up, lovely Aussie Girl :). Love, RG

    • #23375
      sunny123
      Participant

      kathryn just think how well you have done in recent past and how things would have been if you had not stopped.. the repurcussions of our deeds will be there for a long time but would have been much much worse if we had not stopped. hope things get better.. tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

    • #23376
      richie
      Participant

      K, i have 100% confidence that you will weather this storm. Why? Because you have such a good “track record” (one of my old gambling terms) so far. Not only do I have confidence in you persoanlly but I also have confidence in this place (GT) and it’s “ability” to support your efforts in the near-term. If we had to walk this path of recovery alone, our chances wouldn’t be so good but as long as we choose to stay in touch with our fellow travellers, then we are strong. I like the analogy of trying to snap a single pencil in two pieces…it’s easy. But if you gather 10-20 single pencils into a bunch it is darn difficult to snap all of them at once. Remember K the road to recovery is not a straight line. It zigzags all over the place trying to throw us off course. Knowing that prepares you for the worst. …each day is a GIFT!

    • #23377
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi K
      Im really sorry your feeling scared, I wish I could say something to help alleviate the feelings you’re having, all I can say is you’ve been here before and survived & become stronger. K one part of your post “Im never enough” Im sorry I have to disagree, out of most within GT I possibly know your recovery journey the best, I’ve watched you face adversity through so many situations. K you’re an inspiration and a credit to yourself & too many a member who has followed your journey.
      K recovery is about getting life on track it’s not a miracle that pops up & yes Im preaching to the converted, you’ve worked hard, and you take so much weight on your shoulders, you’ve often had to deal with issues alone. Unfortunately we can’t enforce others to help we merely hope they realise that working together makes problems like this become a minor issue
      It will all end; you’re not making the issue any worse. Somehow these debts got missed, it happens. Stay positive and focused. Have you had a credit report available to you, it’s worth checking to ensure you have any other debts small or large and get this under full control now stopping any further unexpected debts arising in the future. This link I believe will help you get the report if you haven’t got one. http://www.privacy.gov.au/faq/individuals/q17
      No matter what happens K, be proud of your achievements, whats happened has happened, you’ve made amazing progress and continue to lead a life where gambling doesn’t play a part.
      Most of all you have the courage and ability to get this dealt with.
      Youre be ok
      Take Care
      H
      "Occasionally it’s wise to doubt our doubts, to question our questions, and to re-think our thoughts."
       — 02/12/2011 12:29:01: post edited by harry.

    • #23378
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      Me, advice on men, marrage, forget about it! Not my strong point for sure.
      I feel your frustration, thats for sure! No fun waiting for the other shoe to drop.
      Just sending my love.
      bettie
       

    • #23379
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn

      …  my gambling will be dredged up again …
       

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Most of us here dredge up gambling each time we post; each time we have to face another difficulty we are the first to say that if not for our gambling we would not be in this situation.  Here it might be a little easier to talk about and the reactions will not be directed back to us in accusing or judgemental ways, but here we each are a CG and share in recovery and problems. At home when the problem comes up we may not find support and comfort being shown in the same way; our loved ones after all are non-CGs, and can not have the same empathy that is shown here.  You are taking responsibility and being open, you are once again facing the consequences of your gambling; your husband is again facing the consequence as well, but he does not have or seek the support group you have. Like you said, it will not be a fun night for him either. 
      There is one bright side about the situation, it is one from the past, not a new one; when we start recovery and stop gambling the only things that happen instantly is a feeling of some relief, and an end to any new problems — dealing with the past ones still take time. The last part of the ODAAT reference in the GA guidebook says, "Don’t try to solve all your problems at once"; it is a way to work recovery, make amends, and pay off debts, not just a goal to not gamble for only that day.
      The adventures of life are not always fun, some are scary and unhappy, but they are what life is made of.
      God’s speed. Stay strong.
       LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23380
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well, i did survive…..
      Thank you all so much for your posts, i was pretty overwhelmed by them all.  I couldnt tell him Friday night, he was so happy, Ponting had just hit a 4 (cricket!) and he was cheering and hoo haaing…so, i chickened out.
      This morning i felt sick.  It wasnt just because i had to tell him, it was because i hadnt told him.  So i bit the bullet and just blurted it all out.  I wont go  into the gorey details, it was not pretty, but, it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be.  Perhaps it also helped that im working this weekend, so i pretty much told him and 20 minutes later i was out the door to work.  He was ok when i got home, in fact, we went out for dinner and a little shop at Kmart, which was really nice .  Only one thing spoiled it….on the way home, he had the most horrific road rage, so bad that i closed my eyes and covered my face because i thought for sure he was going to smash into the car in front of us and i was either going to die, or going to be permanantly maimed.  Then he had the cheek to say to me that there were so many bad drivers on the road…..omg. 
      Anyway, im alright, im not stressed about paying the debt as it is a small amount, we can afford it at the moment.  I am so tired, i think i was tired when i woke up knowing that i was going to have to tell him. 
      Thank you all for your support, you dont know just how much i needed it yesterday.
      Love you all, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23381
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Glad everything worked out K and sorry I wasn’t here in your time of need.  I’ve been running flat out the past few days and more to come.  xo luv you kiddo, you’ve made great strides, and bravery and honesty are two of the qualities that can return as we shut gambling out of our life.  You are a prime example of that. Take care and catch up soon I hope.
      Laura

    • #23382
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I havent been posting to people in a while have been too messed up really but coming back now. I am glad you told your hubby and glad it wasnt as bad as you expected. I only hope i can be as inspirational as you are on this journey. Would love to catch your monday group but i am out mostly at that time, if ever i am home then i will pop in for a chat
      Living with Hope

    • #23383
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I am glad you are no longer scared and not only that you have proved to yourself how strong you are and how much you are in control of your addiction.
      I think most of the whole community would understand your fear of confession and the imagined dreaded result of that confession but for you, more than me, it must be so much more difficult because you always feel your addiction will be dragged up again. 
      Non-CGs yell – it is frustration over something they cannot control and also because it lets out steam and although it doesn’t physically hurt, all yelling can hurt emotionally.   I freeze when I am yelled at. Your reaction ‘used to be’ to escape into gambling but dear Kathryn, whereas I still freeze you have grown stronger and you control yourself. 
      You have changed your life Kathryn. He is expressing road-rage and you are in control. 
      I think that most of us feel sometimes that no matter what we do in life, it isn’t enough but what you do and did here – was enough. You are enough.  Take heart from this and believe more deeply in in yourself and your wonderful control.  To me you are an inspiration that I learn so much from.   I have so much to thank you for. 
      I didn’t doubt your survival and I am not being complacent but I didn’t like you feeling scared.
      What were you scared of most? His reaction or the thought it might send you back into your addiction? It is my belief it was his reaction. 
      Velvet x
       

    • #23384
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I am glad you are no longer scared and not only that you have proved to yourself how strong you are and how much you are in control of your addiction.
      I think most of the whole community would understand your fear of confession and the imagined dreaded result of that confession but for you, more than me, it must be so much more difficult because you always feel your addiction will be dragged up again. 
      Non-CGs yell – it is frustration over something they cannot control and also because it lets out steam and although it doesn’t physically hurt, all yelling can hurt emotionally.   I freeze when I am yelled at. Your reaction ‘used to be’ to escape into gambling but dear Kathryn, whereas I still freeze you have grown stronger and you control yourself. 
      You have changed your life Kathryn. He is expressing road-rage and you are in control. 
      I think that most of us feel sometimes that no matter what we do in life, it isn’t enough but what you do and did here – was enough. You are enough.  Take heart from this and believe more deeply in in yourself and your wonderful control.  To me you are an inspiration that I learn so much from.   I have so much to thank you for. 
      I didn’t doubt your survival and I am not being complacent but I didn’t like you feeling scared.
      What were you scared of most? His reaction or the thought it might send you back into your addiction? It is my belief it was his reaction. 
      Velvet x
       

    • #23385
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you Velvet, you always say the most amazing things…..
      I never for one moment thought about gambling.  My only fear was of his reaction. 
      I find that a bit interesting really. 
      Love Kathryn xxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23386
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn
      I thought that would be you answer xx

    • #23387
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Heya K,
      I remember when i was first in recovery, being urged to get all of the gambling skeletons out of the closet at once.  All debts are a good place to start.  I can understand how a debt can come back to bite a CG.  We are good at denial, pros at selective memory by the time we are able to work on recovery and change.  I’m happy you weathered the storm, be it a brief blow through.  We can contemplate hundreds of reactions but we will only get one.  Our imaginations can scare us silly.  Good example of how we usually imagine worse than reality.  I hope you have a great week Kathryn.  Can’t wait to have a catch up.
      take care,
      Laura xo

    • #23388
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Has been nice to catch you in chat recently. Always lovely to see you there, hope you have a really nice weekend. See you again soon
      Living with Hope

    • #23389
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I’m back and trying to catch up with everyone. My computer died and because of my debts, I refused to buy a new laptop. Thankfully, my Nephew came for a visit and fixed it for me!! I am still gamble and smoke free!!!!  You were one of the first people here to post on my thread and give me encouragement!!!  I am soo glad to be back among friends.  Have a great weekend, you deserve it!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23390
      sunny123
      Participant

      hi k,
      nice to meet you in chat last night.. your weekend is already started.. hope you have a nice relaxed one.. with lot of sunshine.. here it is gloomy, wet and dark..tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

    • #23391
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi!  I was happy to see your post on my thread.  I am happy to be back!!  This site, and all the great people here are part of my life!!!  Have you heard from P, is she posting at all?  I think of her often.  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23392
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn.
      Just back from seeing my niece peform in her college chorus-omg! The girl can sing!
      Did I miss your 2 year gf date? Is it possible? Well congratulations! Every gamble free day is reason enough to celebrate!
      Hope we catch up soon, I miss u bunches!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23393
      female g
      Participant

      hey "K" sl congrats on 2 years totally amazing and we all feel happy for you. You are a real important part of recovery and a hope for many here. I am doing well too but not as good as you lol.  I look forward to 2012 and embrace it. It s a real feeling of peace to know that gambling no longer controls my life or yours, we control our lives now. What a relief eh!!!!!G

    • #23394
      kathryn
      Participant

      Just to clarify, my 2 years was 11.06.11, but i totally totally love that you have posted that to me….thanks.
      On a more sombre note, my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers today, i took her to the appointment.  Its been a long hard day and im pretty tired.  I knew there was something wrong, but it is totally different when a professional says the words.  Mum was pretty upset and i managed to hold it together,thankfully.  We went out for lunch and on the way home she turned to me and said "well, i had a lovely day"…bless her, she had forgotten already!!!!!  LOL.  As Laura pointed out….small blessings…..
      Bailey is going to his orientation day tomorrow at high school.  He has to catch the bus.  I, am beside myself.  I know he will be fine, but i am his mum after all and cant help but worry.
      Too much stress for me today, but gambling was never an option i was willing to take.
      Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23395
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Congrads on your 2 years!!! I’m soo sorry to hear about your Mom’s diagnosis.  Remember, we are all here to support you!!!   Stay strong, friend.  Baily will be fine.  I know though how it feels, letting go of our babies is hard. Take care!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23396
      i am hope
      Participant

      Kathryn congrats on 2 and a half years!!! Cannot imagine ever saying that but i hope to. So sorry to hear of your mum. Alzheimers is awful. I hope Bailey loves high school and he mght love getting the bus. Might get to chat with others on there. You are a good mum K. Its so hard not to worry, its a mums job i think, part and parcel.
      Hope to see you soon in chat again
      Living with Hope

    • #23397
      sunny123
      Participant

      congrats kay for staying away for such a long time. keep going strong and keep encouraging us. sorry to know about your mum..some things we cant change and some we can.. tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

    • #23398
      kathryn
      Participant

      My fellow Americans (yes, i know im not american but ive always wanted to say that)
      Your dates are the reverse of Australian dates……so 11/6/11 is actually 11th June, 2011, not 6th November, 2011.  You say 9/11, we say 11/9.  Capice??? (ive always wanted to sound like a mob boss too!!!)
      Hope that cleared it up, i just realised what you were thinking….
      Love K xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23399
      female g
      Participant

      I thought it was longer than 2 years thanks for clearing that up. time just flys by and your gamble free time as too.G

    • #23400
      sunny123
      Participant

      whatever you say kay… americans have to do it differently than the rest of the world… .. hope you are having a nice day.. weather here is also ok in UK.. for a changetomorrow will be better than yesterday.

    • #23401
      finding_laura
      Participant

      tag your it!!!!

    • #23402
      bettie
      Participant

      I’ve not had the best day today and what do I get in the mail? Your beautiful card!
      Thanks for your thoughtfulness.
      You helped brighten an otherwise awful day!
      Merry Christmas Kathryn!
      love ya,
      bettie

    • #23403
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hope to see you around sometime soon for a chat. Hope you are having a good day today
      Living with Hope

    • #23404
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

      My fellow Americans (yes, i know im not american but ive always wanted to say that) …

      "Ich bin ein Berliner" was once said by an American that was not German, yet he was able to put himself in the mist of the troubles that others were having.  You can surely do the same here; your saying "My fellow Americans" shows the same empathy that you have for those having problems concerning gambling; the oceans and boundaries do not separate us, they can not overcome the passion that joins us together.
      And who, knows, with all the past migrating from America and other parts of the world with a desire to live "Downunder", you might have some American, or even English or another country’s, blood in you.
      God’s speed. Stay strong. Happy Christmas, " ‘Ave a good one, mate".LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23405
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      To answer your question, the egg came first. Why? Because chickens evolved from reptiles so some poor mother lizzard has some explaining when poppa lizzard asked "Who’s the daddy"?
      Merry Christmas!
      love,
      bettie

    • #23406
      kathryn
      Participant

      Gosh , i havent posted on my thread for a long time.
      Heaps has happened, some good, some stressful.  Ive been living day by day, nothing so bad that i cant cope, nothing so good i want to scream from the rooftop.
      My daughter is moving out.  I have to go and help her re arrange her new house.  She is moving back with her b/f, after a 5 month separation,  they have been back together for a few months now. 
      Christmas was great.  I had lunch here, and i thoroughly enjoyed putting it on, although my mother was less than impressed, she has had christmas lunch at her place forever.  She wouldnt sit at the table, too hot she said, so she sat 3 feet away….LOL. After lunch she sat ‘near’ me (not at the table) with her arms crossed, giving me the evil eye.  It was extremely funny.  This wasnt the Alzheimers talking, this was her purely being nasty because she didnt get her own way!!!!!
      Anyway i just thought id better update as its been a while.  Im doing good.
      Take care all,
      Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23407
      i am hope
      Participant

      Nice to hear Kathryn, glad you had a good day. Hope to see you soon
      Living with Hope

    • #23408
      kathryn
      Participant

      Happy New Year everyone,
      Yes, the clock has struck 12 here in Oz, i didnt think i would be awake to see it, we took the kids to a theme park today, we were there all day, it was fabulous, but i was so exhausted when i got home.  Anyway, i made it, Bailey has been like a cat on a hot tin roof watching the fireworks on the balcony so at 5 mins to 12 i threw him in the car and we went down to the beach. There were lots of fireworks so i think he was pretty happy.
      I dont make new years resolutions, too much pressure for me!  I will however say, that 2012 is going to be my year.  My year for health, my year for happiness. I am going to do what i have to to not only look good but to feel good about myself.  Not a resolution, but a promise to myself.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Love Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23409
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn!
      How is 2012 so far?
      Got to get to work, guess I will know in 16 hours or so!
      peace
      bettie

    • #23410
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      I won’t know what 2012 is like for another 9 hours and I probably won’t be aware of it properly for a little while after that as somebody beside me is always making too much noise – I have seen her in the mirror every year but never managed to get her to be quiet. 
      Here we are – you and I, separated by a year at the moment and always by a large stretch of water but with the same dream. It is the same with this site.   We have two forums but we have one goal – to live outside of the shadow of the addiction to gamble.   
      I hope that everybody on the site embraces 2012 as a good year.   I look forward to reading successes all over the site because, like you, I know it can be done. I know we will read them because the will is there for so many. 
      Next time I speak to you I will be in 2012 too, we will still be in the same community with the same dream – what a pity that wretched water is still in the way.
      Velvet
       
       

    • #23411
      vera
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      As Geordie said a week ago "NEXT WEEK IT WILL BE NEXT YEAR". That stuck with me.
      We can also say "tomorrow will be today", SO
      HAPPY NEW YEAR KATHRYN ! YOU ARE AHEAD OF US IN TIME, BUT LET’S SHARE ALL OUR DAYS DURING 2012, AND LET THEM ALL BE GAMBLE FREE!
      Nice knowing you K!
      God Bless!

    • #23412
      i am hope
      Participant

      Happy New Year Kathryn
      Well it is the 1st of January for us today. Thanks for being here in 2011 and i look forward to more of the recovery road with you in this year of 2012
      Living with Hope

    • #23413
      salina
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn!
      Salina here…yep unfortunately I am back and really need some one to chat with…ughhhhh how on earth did you every make it this far.? I am so impressed to know that it can be done…hugsthis to shall pass

    • #23414
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K: Sitting here feeling sorry for myself. Licking 7-day old wounds, trying to lift myself out of the doldrums. How are things in Oz? You must be enjoying the glorious weather, probably on the beach as I type. I’m glad to hear of your resolutions. I hope to do similar things myself if I can just climb out of this rut. What have you done so far to uphold those resolutions. Do fill me in. Have you gone to any more Zumba classes. A standing spa date perhaps? I can’t afford those just now, but rest assured I am going to be making great efforts to do something good for myself this weekend. After my whingeing post earlier today, I pulled out the big guns, told hubby of my wicked intentions, and decided to leave my bank card at home. JEEZ — what a revelation!!! **eyes rolling**!!! No secrets!! Anyway, let’s make this a positive year where we report to each other what wonderful, positive, life-affirming things we’re doing for ourselves. Thought of you on Wednesday night when I took my boys to see Mary Poppins on stage at one of our glorious theatres in downtown Toronto. Of course, they weren’t too thrilled (Grandpa had very generously bought all of our tickets for Xmas), but I was in heaven. Waiting to hear of your accomplishments in this first week of 2012.
      Love, RG

    • #23415
      Anonymous
      Guest

      LOL K — you always make me laugh. I am THAT proud of you for not smoking for three weeks. I can’t imagine that anything could be worse than trying to quit gambling, but I’ve never smoked, so I can’t gauge. Keep going my friend, you will do it. If your work on this forum is any indication, I see nothing but wonderfully clear, smoke free lungs in your future. I LOVE the idea of journaling and having a gratitude thread. I have several journals on my Blackberry — a food journal, a sleep journal, a gratitude journal, an exercise journal (only one entry in this one from Dec 31 — an hour of yoga) a simplicity journal (to record my decluttering success) — that’s it so far, I think. I’ve only been doing it for about 10 days, but let me tell you it feels good … esp. the gratitude one. And when I’m feeling down, I find that writing on any of my topics motivating and uplifting. I’m going to start a job search journal and an accomplishments journal. I know I sound like a looney, but I only write in a couple each day. I find that it helps to sort out all the different areas of my life that need changing. LOL — now there’s a statement!! Apparently, EVERY area of my life needs serious work 🙂 I will write to you tomorrow to let you know what wonderful, healthy thing I’ve done for myself. Love ya. RG

    • #23416
      twilight16
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Hoping your quest in 2012 is on its way for the new year. Reading your comment about how you wanted to do more as you felt you are just going through the motions of life. Well, you have given so much support here and this is a huge accomplishment. I believe we often don’t acknowledge great things we do because it isn’t exactly hard but I have come to learn the things we enjoy and do easily are the ones that make us shine. You definately bring a smile to me when I read your posts. Yet, I also understand what you mean wanting to do more. I felt the same way Dec 2010. I made a promise to myself, not really telling anyone, not my husband or children I just started to do what I felt I missed in my life. I love to write, read, take long walks, write, read, and take long walks. So this past year that is exactly what I have been doing in my spare time. I had a wonderful year doing this and I continue to do the three daily if I can. The walking bit is a challenge during the work week but if I can I will. So find the things you are passinate about and do it. You’ll see how enriched your life will become. You will be happier. You know I turend 40 this past year, so I decided it was time I stick to a skin care reguime, which I always struggled with but now I look forward to it before I go to bed. These little things I never did before thinking it was too expensive. A big congrats for not smoking anymore. The walks you mention are so much better and better for you. Take care, Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23417
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Miss Kathryn,
      hope you have a great day at work.  Miss you lots.  I’m in the process of getting a new PC which is going to help loads when it comes to my connectedness.  It won’t take a half hour to change screens, freeze, and lose things.  I can hope  as my pc is now 9 years old!  I’m proud of your quitting smoking.  It is hard, and i too thought it was harder than gambling in some ways.  I think because cigarettes have been made to be soooo physically addicting and it was a part of my life for 25 years roughly.  But you can do it!  Well girl, I’m going to sign off for tonight but i hope we’ll catch up soon.
      xo Laura

    • #23418
      female g
      Participant

      Thanks for the post "K" miss you too and do hope to catch up one of these days.  Back to work and already well into it. It is quite busy so I am quite tired too so who knows when I will be able to catch you. I do hope you will have all the things on your wish list for 2012 and that it lasts forever. G

    • #23419
      meglee
      Participant

      Hey there my beautiful Aussie Chook!!!!
      Happy New Year and all that. Yes, of course I am late with my salutations…….(head bowed in shame)……. but i was away at the lakes……..(sheepish grin)…….., enjoying summer with my kids…..and my adonis…(wink)..and with no PC!! Ahhhhhhh  (so i know you’ll forgive me LOL).
      I had a giggle about your mum sulking and not sitting at the table on xmas day. I bet that kind of behaviour would’ve once made you want to………………………gamble! Go girl!!
      Its a new year. I havent quite decided yet what kind of new year i want this to be. Ive been too busy having a fun time. But now that i’m back to work – i might take some time out of the day to ponder it hahaha.
      Hope you caught the full moon on mon night!!? It was awesome (thought of you as always). Hope you got my xmas email too.
      Much love and light always
      Meg xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #23420
      icandothis
      Participant

      Kathryn, Just a quick note before I take my daughter shopping for some college staples. I am a journal freak too. (ok, I did just call you a freak, sorry about that! lol) I loved your idea of having one for exercise, food, gratitude, etc. And I do think we should have a gratitude thread. I’m not going to have a journal for each category, but I think it’s a good idea to keep the areas we want to change in mind and note any progress, or lack there of. I have one journal, but think of the different areas as different threads running through it. I have four categories…health, wealth, happiness, and, of course, gratitude. (Thanks for reminding about the gratitude one because I don’t think we can change unless we start there.) I ask what have I done, or not done to promote my own health, wealth, and happiness. It is true what you said on somebody’s thread that sooner or later, you have to work recovery. So true. For me, I think, “I won’t get anywhere on Recovery Road, unless I walk the walk.” Thanks, Kathryn, for sharing

    • #23421
      icandothis
      Participant

      Kathryn, Just a quick note before I take my daughter shopping for some college staples. I am a journal freak too. (ok, I did just call you a freak, sorry about that! lol) I loved your idea of having one for exercise, food, gratitude, etc. And I do think we should have a gratitude thread. I’m not going to have a journal for each category, but I think it’s a good idea to keep the areas we want to change in mind and note any progress, or lack there of. I have one journal, but think of the different areas as different threads running through it. I have four categories…health, wealth, happiness, and, of course, gratitude. (Thanks for reminding about the gratitude one because I don’t think we can change unless we start there.) I ask what have I done, or not done to promote my own health, wealth, and happiness. It is true what you said on somebody’s thread that sooner or later, you have to work recovery. So true. For me, I think, “I won’t get anywhere on Recovery Road, unless I walk the walk.” Thanks, Kathryn, for sharing

    • #23422
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi ya Kathryn
      just having a coffee this morning, it is really hot here already and only 7am, hope the weather has settled down again where you are. Might catch you in chat again soon hey chickadee
      Living with Hope

    • #23423
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey kathryn,
      if you are still around you know where to find me 🙂  Coffee before I head off to work.  New PC not hooked up yet but I finally have all my files copied to move to my new one.  So tonight or tomorrow will be the big shift.  Hope to catch you on the weekend. Love as always, Laura xo

    • #23424
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hiya miss K
      Have not seen a post from you here in a little while, so bringing your page to the front page!! Hope all is good for you right now
      Living with Hope

    • #23425
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Hope, thanks for bringing me back, yes, i have been slack slack slack!!! 
      So ive not much to report really, ive been working of course, thats still same old same old, ive had a few days off with the kids to which i really did nothing except take them shopping. 
      I worked this weekend, which was good, and when i got home today we took the boys to the theme park for a little while, they loved it so i feel much better knowing that ive done something with them.
      Im off to the tennis this weekend coming, with my sister.  I cant wait,  i need a relax and i will certainly have that there.  On the gambling front i have nothing to report, and im happy to say i have nothing to report on the smoking front either!!  Im a month smoke free tomorrow but i have to say, it has been sooooo hard, much harder than i anticipated.
      Ive havent started my journal yet, i have managed to buy one, so its a matter of giving myself the time to do it, making the time, which isnt always easy.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Love Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23426
      sunny123
      Participant

      lovely to see you are enjoying a gamble free and smoke free life kathryn!!! life has so much to offer only if we are not ready to have it. hope it continues.. enjoy your tennis.tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

    • #23427
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I"m glad that hope did drag you back to the top!  Good to see your update and congratulations on your month smoke free!!!!  Maintaining your gamble free life during a time of tackling another addiction is also a good thing.  I think often we can juggle addicitons and when one falls away another moves in to take its place.  I think it has taken me 20 years to realize this. Have a great weekend away although I will miss another weekend of chatting with you.   Don’t work too hard this week.
      Laura

    • #23428
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi there Kathryn, one month gamble free is amazing. Wow that is Two addictions you are conquering, you should be so proud of who you are. I am sure the boys loved the theme park, can imagine, they would go wild there, they are lots of fun. I love the parks myself, I am like a big kid.
      Living with Hope

    • #23429
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey everyone,
      Day off today, havent done much as ive been a cleaning machine, it is satisfying though when its all done and dusted!
      I am off to the Australian open tomorrow with my sister for 2 nights of luxurious living, not to mention the tennis to which i think is going to be amazing.  It will make life much easier not having to go outside for a cigarette, no more lepers corner for me!!!!  I did always feel uncomfortable trying to find a place to have a smoke, so i guess thats a plus…..i have been finding it soooo hard, and even as i type i feel i would like nothing more on this glorious day to sit on my balcony with a cigarette…..sigh.
      In saying that, i am not going to have a smoke, my gambling addiction has taught me a lot of valuable lessons in coping with urges and im applying them to my cigarette smoking as well.
      I suppose i should go and start packing, im not sure what to take, and i tend to procrastinate on packing, i always panic that i have missed something…
      I hope you all have a good weekend,
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23430
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn! Thank you for the post on my thread. In the next day or so, I am going to read your thread from start to finis, as I want to get to know you better. Carole

    • #23431
      sunny123
      Participant

      hello kathryn!! enjoy the tennis.. how will i recognize you on telly???tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

    • #23432
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn! I reread all of your postings on your thread. I see that I have only posted three times to you since I have been in recovery for over a year. ME BAD! You have done brilliantly in your recovery. Sorry to hear your Mom has been diagnosed with Altzeimer’s; such a cruel disease. Her refusing to sit at the Christmas luncheon table and giving you the evil eye, gave me a bit of a chuckle. I have a sister named Jennifer also; she is a nurse also. She is the one that tried to suicide a week ago. She will be going into rehab for alcoholism. We all have our poison; mine was gambling. I see that you and Jode like to watch the Amazing Race and Survivor. After I watched the African Survivor I searched the net and found out exactly it had been filmed and booked a trip to the Masa Mera and we stayed in 5 star lodges and 5 star tented camps. We would go on 3 safaris a day, and even went on a nightime safari. It had been my dream to go to Africa and I fell in total love with the country. We also went to Egypt that trip and to the Valley of the Kings, Egyptian Museum. It was totally fabulous! I’m an avid recycler also. Happy Recovery Day!! Carole

    • #23433
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks Sunny and Carole for posting, Carole, i am amazed that you took the trip to Africa, my bestie and i adore that show and watch every one, although usually in Australia we are a bit behind so i have to ensure i dont find out who wins by accident before the show airs here!
      So, my weekend….
      It absolutely exceeded every one of my expectations, from the hotel which was beyond magnificent, to the shopping, which was filled with bargains, to the tennis which was amazing, the top players, an aussie battle, clapping, screaming, cheering, adrenalin pumping action.  I spent quality time with my sister and neices, we laughed till we cried, the whole weekend was more than i could have imagined and it goes down as one of the best in my life. 
      So, back to reality, lol.  Work tomorrow, back to the grind, organising my son for his first day of high school and master 7 to return to grade 2.  Im not organised at all, but i will be. 
      I hope you all had a great weekend, and are well and happy,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23434
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn,
      i was a lazybones today and had a sleep in.  I was up a bit late last night for a change but i need to make up for it on the other end!  I am so happy to hear that you had a great weekend.  Life without gambling.  Makes the good times better and the bad times faceable.  Wish I could have been there! 
      I’m sure the boys will be all set and ready to go.  I hope their first day of school goes brilliantly for them.  Especially your young man starting high school.  And I hope mom makes it through the day waiting to see how he made out! 
      And if you are reading this with your morning coffee have a great smoke free day!
      xo Laura 🙂

    • #23435
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Go girl!! Glad you had the best time ever. You so deserve it!! Anyway, I know how you’re feeling since my boy just started high school in September. The first week was HELL … for me!!! It honestly took years off my life. He had a bit of a rough start that week too, but it’s all worked out beautifully. He has exams for the end of his first semester, which marks halfway through our school year. Then he has four days off and then back to semester two and all new subjects. Good luck to the big boy and I’m sending all my love and strength to both of you, and of course, baby boy. I have to get back to studying now. I’ll tell you one thing … my grasp of French conjugation, electricity, chemistry and basketball has increased 10 fold over the past five months. I’ve worked so hard with my boy, it’s like taking high school for the second time. 🙂 Big hugs, RG Oh … and then my little one starts high school in September 🙁
      — 1/22/2012 11:26:56 PM: post edited by runninggirl.

    • #23436
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good Morning,
      Its early.  i dreamt that i was touching a spider,not a big one, but one none the less…eeekkkkk!  It was enough to wake me up!  I actually checked the bed it was so real (at least i hope it was a dream, i cant bear to think of it if it wasnt!)
      Im not doing a lot this weekend, fairly quiet.  Physio this morning, then no plans.  Its the kind of weekend i love.
      I have started my exercise regime, i wont bore you with all the details, i will say however i imagine any flies on the wall would be having a damn good laugh at my expense!
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Love K xx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23437
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K: What is it with you and spiders??? LOL. Remember the big, giant, hairy ones in your car??? Makes me reevaluate whether I ever want to visit Australia :). Anyway, I am so proud of you for starting your regime. I consider that mine started with my long walk with the dogs two days ago. Didn’t go yesterday, but am heading out now. Will update on my thread when I actually return. Planning on two hours, but don’t know if that will happen. THIS is the year, my friend. It’s the year that we get our groove back — just like Stella. I want to shed ALL the weight and prance around in skimpy shorts and frilly little skirts this summer. I want sexy fitted jeans, rather than the Mom jeans I’m wearing now. Let’s report on our progress regularly on here. Rule is, we’re not allowed to report until the exercise deed is done. Love ya. RG

    • #23438
      Anonymous
      Guest

      On another subject, how was the big boy’s first foray into high school?

    • #23439
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn
      Oh how I would love to have been with you – what a wonderful weekend.  Unfortunately Andy Murray got knocked out today – did you see him play – or Nadal or the beautiful Federer.
      Tell me when you get organised and how you did it.  I remember when my twins were born the hospital spouted on about getting into a routine – somehow it always just escaped me – I will keep trying though.
      I am so fed up with grey, dreary dismal days, with water-logged tracks across the fields, which for some reason my dog feels we should plough across every day.  The ray of sunshine that accompanies so many of your posts cheers me up. 
      You are sunshine Kathryn.  I just wanted to tell you x
      Velvet
       
       

    • #23440
      sunny123
      Participant

      hello kathryn, very lively and healthy discussion on your thread.. as expected from an aussie!! we are having miserable weather here, no snow and no sun..tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

    • #23441
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Well Kathryn, I had almost had myself convinced that maybe i would be brave enough to go to Australia some day, but then you had to go and talk about those darn big spiders again.  OMG to me that would be like having the boogey man under my bed.  I don’t know if i could sleep at night wondering if there was a HUGE spider under there.  EEK!
      It has been a long week with a lot of pain for me.  Almost gambled.  Actually went looking for little hidy hole venues. Just my luck the first was closed for remodeling and the second didn’t seem to have any machines.  Then it was time for an appointment.  By the time the appointment was over the insanity had passed.  I can’t believe i was that close.  I am glad i’ve spent the morning here in chat and that i posted this to you.  Someone to hold me accountable!
      Hope you had a great day, talk soon.
      Laura xo

    • #23442
      kathryn
      Participant

      Evening,
      RG…i didnt need to be reminded of my stalker spider….lol, i have however sprayed all around my windows and doors and so far so good.  We did lose power on Sunday for quite a few hours (of course it was 35c) and what is the first thing you do?  Check the fuse box.   I didnt spray there, need i say more….eeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!
      My big boy doesnt start high school until Friday, Harry goes back Thursday so i will have 1 day with Bailey which i think will be nice, we have a lot to do that day, i need to keep busy because every time i think about it i want to sob!!!!!
      Velvet, i had the most amazing draw at the tennis, Friday was Nadal, followed by Federer (i know, i nearly fainted when i read it i thought it must be a mistake) and Sat night i saw Serena Williams and Lleyton Hewitt, it was the game he won and it was one of the most amazing experiences i have ever had, the crowd, the screaming, the mexican wave!!!!  The little old lady next to me grabbing my arm, it was just hilarious and we had a ball. Of course there was a major "bold and the beautiful" drama with the people in front of us, and although we didnt really know what happened we kind of made up the story as we went along which was even more hysterical.  The weekend was just about perfect and im not sure we will ever get one that good again but we will talk about that one for a long time to come.  I wish you could have been there too, it would have made the weekend all that much better!!!
      Lovely Laura, thanks for your post, as already discussed i think my spray is effective and if you ever do decide to pop down under i will personally ensure that the whole country is sprayed to save you any worry!!!  Im so pleased you got through, you are so strong, you are amazing and im soooo blessed to have you as my friend.
      Not a lot else for me to talk about, i seem to have done enough i think!
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23443
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Thanks Kathryn!  I will hold you to that, hope they have lots of spray.  I got over my temporary insanity quickly thank heavens.  By the time the day ended it was like the crazy urge that had hold of me had never happened.  A blessing there.  Have a good day at work tomorrow!  I’m off today and being lazy i think.
      take care,
      Laura

    • #23444
      alice
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      As I’m back I thought I’d drop you a line to see how you’re doing. It seems from reading your journal you’re doing good! It sounds like you had a fantastic time at the tennis – I’m jealous. I’ve always wanted to go to Wimbledon but haven’t managed it yet.
      Alice x"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

    • #23445
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good Morning
      I am pleased to say that my sons first day of high school went very well.  He was really excited, a friend of his who is a year above him came to our place first and walked to the bus stop with him.  I snuck down to the corner and stood where i could see them but they couldnt see me until the bus came and picked them up.
      I am working this weekend, and have no other plans, except for tomorrow, its master high schools birthday and we are having a party dinner for him.  He is 13, a big teenager.  He was my best baby, almost perfect to the point where i would say that there must be something wrong with him!
      Anyway, i should go and make my travel mug and head to work
      Have a lovely weekend everyone,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23446
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hiya K: Good to see that you’re being frugal and taking your travel mug. I’m awful, always pulling into the drive-through for my morning java fix. Anyway, I’m glad to hear that Bailey’s first day in high school was good. Thirteen!! It was hard for me to believe when my younger one turned 13 last August. Where HAS the time gone?? Happy birthday to Bailey and I hope his birthday dinner is scrumptious. Hope your work days go fast and without incident. Love, RG

    • #23447
      vera
      Participant

      Hi K!
      Very nice of the older boy to befriend a first year! Usually they would not be seen dead with a younger boy! It must be a big help to Bailey to have him there. My friend’s daughter started secondary school in September. She would not fit in to the "tall/slim/pretty" bracket so you can imagine how she grew ten feet, when the good looking 15 year old son of another work colleague sidled up beside her at break time and said "how’s it going J?" All the girls were enviously asking "How do you know him?"
      Starting high school can be either made or break time. My son only recently told me how a neighbour’s son bullied him very badly at that time. He was too scared to tell!  My gut reaction all those years later was to get that creep and crack his skull! Charity or common sense prevailed and we had a good laugh at how pathetic some of these 13 year old"  he men" with low self esteem will go to any level to defend their own position. That young man is still around. He hasn’t change! Another one on the forgiveness list!

    • #23448
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hiya,
      Ive had a good week, worked 7 days so was absolutely exhausted by last night and was so glad to be able to have a small sleep in this morning.  I had to go and have a bit of physio on my back and neck which was painful but hit the spot then needed to do a bit of shopping, its hubbys bday tomorrow.  Ugh, what a drama that was, of course, everything he wants is very expensive, and of course he isnt getting anything that is as near as expensive so i had to go and find that something today…..
      I walked and walked, at least i got some exercise, but because i didnt know what to get him i was baffled and was grasping at straws by the end of the day.  I got him a torch, a book about football, and a jigsaw puzzle.  We are having a family dinner tomorrow night, so ill cook a roast and make a cake tomorrow.
      The highlight of my week was Wednesday night when i attended an indian cooking class.  One of our doctors agreed to teach us the basics of indian cooking, curry’s, bread etc and it turned out to be a really good night, the food was delicious, not too hot and i can now cook 4 kinds of bread from the same dough, including a sweet one, plus we have 2 recipies for currys.  I was dreading going, mainly due to laziness, and i am so glad i went.  We are ‘paying’ some money each class and our doctor is going to donate it to charity.
      Work is work, soo busy, our new doctor started, he called me ‘darling’ on the first day, i immediately liked him…lol.
      No real plans for the next week, i have a weekend coming up with the work girls, but i wont get into it now, its not for a few weeks.
      I hope you are all well and happy, and ive noticed a lot of new faces here the last week, if you are reading this please know that you can live a gamble free life, im not saying its easy, but it is achieveable.  As you can see, i have a fairly ‘normal’ life now, something that i never thought i could do.  Stay close, you will learn a lot and if you are open to the possibilities, you can change your life.
      Take care my lovelies,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23449
      Anonymous
      Guest

      you thread is great, i have just read the first 8 pages, i will leave the rest for later because i will be going to bed. so much i can relate to, you were the first to help me get my self exclusion i will never forget that. i have attempted quitting so many times for so many years, but with the help of gt i think i will reach my goal of 90 days, i have set this goal to not be too unrealisic and not too easy, hopefully i will keep going further.  i am on 13 days this time round, i got through pay day and rent day, i just remember that anxiety i felt that i was low on money and if i was going to gamble my rent. but somehow i had a better judgement and was able to pay the rent. i didn’t want to be that broken by gambling. i don’t have support of family, so i have to rely entirely on myself. i am all i have when in terms of money. i do have friends some are supportive when it comes to gambling they encourage me to avoid gambling, however my best friend has been lient, he often dropped me off at the venues after i begged sufficiently enough, at first he would say no i shouldn’t gamble then he would give in to my demands, anyway, everyday i came home with no money won. when i did have an occasional win, i felt enormously happy i walked away that day ahead thinking i had beat the machines, lol…back the next day, all the money won was just a fallacy. i had lost so much already and then i would go straight back first thing in the morning if not on the same day i had "walked away". i learnt the hard way.
      i hope to read further on your thread to catch up with how things went for you, and how they are going for you today. thank you for posting. i need help

    • #23450
      kathryn
      Participant

      You know what, Valentines day has never bothered me, until now.
      For a very long time i scoffed at it, a load of rot, waste of money…..because i never expected, nor got anything for valentines day.
      Listening to the boys on group tonight made me realise, that unlike my husband, men do think about valentines day.  I did not know this because me being me, still has the unrealistic belief that all men are the same, tarred with the same brush, and to my lovely men here at GT i apologise for that. 
      I got home from work tonight and worked like a dog.  I did not sit down until 9pm, and when i asked my husband if he could turn tea on before i got home it was met with an ‘ok’ and a refusal to speak to me for the rest of the night.
      Happy Valentines Day……
      Thankfully, it has allowed me to let go of some guilt, i have been asked to go to Bali for a week or so with a friend, all i need is the airfare and i asked hubby yesterday morning like a frightened little child if i could go.  He did say yes, and i have just decided that it is my valentines day gift to myself.  I deserve a holiday, a chance to relax, to be pampered, to live like a queen just for a little while.  Its not until July, so if i start posting that i feel guilty will someone please slap me and tell me to look at my valentines day post!!!
      Happy Valentines Day……
      K x
       
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23451
      matt w
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      The Room must have been a tough place for you to be with the conversation that was going on– you left before my  and flower got there— so here it is.
      Bali is my wife’s most favorite place in the world to date, we have some very good friends there.
       Between now and July I will pass you their details and if you are near by on your trip I would recomend a visit to their part of the Island.
      I for one will be kicking your bum if you even think about not going.
      All gamble free days are special to a CG in recovery, some days we struggle with more than others, but by being amongst people who understand us best we can repair ourselves.
      Sleep well and today will be Feb15th when you wake up– just another day on our journey so another  .
      Matt
       Stay lucky/be lucky

    • #23452
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Slap!  Oh, sorry, you aren’t feeling guilty yet LOL 
      Will definitely remind you sweetie that you deserve to be treated like a queen every day.   It was good to catch up even for a few minutes.  ((((((((((((((((((((( K )))))))))))))))))))))
        
      Happy Valentines Day!
      luv Laura

    • #23453
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I have never bothered about Valentine’s Day either and I am saddened that this one has upset you. 
      I wasn’t in the group (obviously) but can’t help thinking that the men on this site do a lot more inner thinking about themselves and those around them. I believe that having the courage to commit to a life-time controlling an addiction brings out more than just stopping gambling. 
      You certainly had a rotten evening and not just with the lack of roses and a card. Let go of all your guilt – you are not a dogsbody and deserve so much more.   If you feel guilty about kicking such a terrible addiction into the corner, with so much determination, it possibly shows in how you behave, so don’t be frightened – you are incredibly brave and deserve, at the very least, a holiday in Bali. 
      We never celebrated Valentine’s Day in our house because it was my Mum’s birthday. I don’t like it because I think it leaves so many people sad so I expect nothing from it. Probably my expectations mean I get nothing from it. We will make a pact that next year you and I will demand to be treated like queens. You will not come home from work and carry on working – you will have tea made for you and you will not feel guilty.
      I wonder if the men who spoke in the group always felt as they do now. We all need telling sometimes Kathryn. We all need someone to show us the way. You do it for so many on here – so show your husband the way. 
      I will be at the front of the queue, elbowing Laura out of the way, to bop you on the nose with your Valentine’s Day post, if you dare feel guilt about something that you deserve.
      Velvet
       
       

    • #23454
      kathryn
      Participant

      I havent posted for a while,
      I havent had a lot to say really, and it seems that without gambling in my life i feel that posting here could be seen as a load of B.S.  Lets face it, its been a while, what could i possibly say that would mean anything to someone who has found this site in their hour of pure desperation?  I was told once that i was intimidating, in terms of being clean, for a new member. I was shocked and extremely upset and i think that has prevented me posting as much as i maybe would have. 
      I guess at the end of the day i know what works for me, and i feel passionate about sharing that.  I would like others to feel, for just one day, the ‘normality’ i feel in my life now.  Call it boring, but its living and its something i didnt do for 15 years. 
      I come to this site every single day, without fail, and read what is happening in others lives.  I am reminded daily of where i never want to be again, i am overjoyed by others triumphs when i read how they have overcome an urge that day and are so proud of themselves, as they well should be, and i always read something that sticks in my head, that reminds me of just how far i have come and if that is intimidating well, thats just too bloody bad!
      I used to write ever thought that came into my head, i was so afraid that any little change in my day, any arguement, any stress would send me back to gambling.  I dont post now because i know i can deal with these things on my own.  It doesnt mean i still dont ask for help, i do, but not near as much.
      Wherever you are in your journey, this site will guide you, support you and help you.  Sometimes our greatest fear is ourselves and our inability to be open to the possiblilities.
      Take care,
      Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23455
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Certainly not B.S, Kathryn, you are a great example to us all. I have experienced that "normal" feeling too, and am starting to again.
      I dont know who you could possibly intimidate, with your honest and open support, always nice to read your posts whatever the contents.
      Geordie.Recovery is priceless.

    • #23456
      vera
      Participant

      ‘Wish you would "intimidate" me whenever I fall off the recovery bus, Kathryn!! lol!
      Did you ever hear the like!
      CGs will use any excuse to avoid recovery! Jealousy will get us nowhere!
      I know we met early in your recovery, Kathryn and I always feel a close affinity to you. I really wish you a happy, peaceful, blessed life! You have made major strides in recovery. Through all the ups and downs we still managed to get a few laughs together and YOU never gave up. I did! I was selfish, undisciplined, careless and complacent but you stuck to your recovery guns through thick and thin!
      Nobody can take that from you!
      Well done and if you ever stop coming here I will personally go to Melbourne and FIND YOU!
      Today, I did not gamble!

    • #23457
      cat438
      Participant

      Kathryn, Congratulations on being gamble free and what i would say is please always come and post.   You are very welcome to post on my thread any day and tell me how long you have been gamble free.  I believe that it does those of us who are struggling good to see the success of others. It tells us that yes it can be done and we can get there as well.  How long since you last gambled?  It is making me think when I first started I was so determined and I was able to go for 90 days without gambling… then I got over 100 days then gambled again, but for some reason I am not doing so well.  I suppose the "some reason" is me as I am the person who does it.  Sorry, I did not mean to start rambling on your page.  You have earned the right to be proud of yourself and no one should take that away from you.  I know that when I first started when I hear of people who had a long time gamble free it really gave me hope that it could be done.  So come back and give the new people hope and inspiration.One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #23458
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hiya K
      You are not intimidating, you are just lovely!! You have helped me many times. Keep zumbaing your way through life and zumba away all that negativity if anyone is throwing it to you. I have to try it myself. Need some exercise!!!
      Living with Hope

    • #23459
      kathryn
      Participant

      — 13/03/2012 11:32:29 AM: post edited by Kathryn.

    • #23460
      finding_laura
      Participant

      (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( K )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    • #23461
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      … I come to this site every single day, without fail, and read what is happening in others lives.  I am reminded daily of where i never want to be again, i am overjoyed by others triumphs when i read how they have overcome an urge that day and are so proud of themselves, as they well should be, and i always read something that sticks in my head, that reminds me of just how far i have come …
      … Wherever you are in your journey, this site will guide you, support you and help you.  Sometimes our greatest fear is ourselves and our inability to be open to the possiblilities.
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      Your first post to me included the words "I am 63 days clean today", you were a relitively newbie at that time too and your advice was not intemadating to me then, and your postings as an "old-timer" and any BS that you might include in them are not intimadating to me today.
      Your words from this current one above describes a formula that can work in anyone’s recovery — if they followed through with daily actions as well; "we have to go after recovery, it does not come to us", and routine visits to sites such as this one proves to be quite a beneficial action.  I for one know that this routine works for me, and I can see from the post of others, some that only post on occasion telling us of their triumphs and their being able to live a more normal life. And sadly from others that venture back after they have failed to keep taking any actions telling of their renewed remorse and devastation; ones that add to the daily post of those still struggling and reminding me of where I never want to be again.
      When I first joined this site it was the stories of others living gambling free and expressing their "boring" stories that was most helpful, and still are; these stories of the accounts of others staying clean led me to believe that I too could return to some ‘normality’ in my life.  At that time, while the post of other newbies allowed me to know that I was not alone, and the included stories of struggles and ‘slips’ were the ones that were intimidating to me; here I was trying to stop my wrongful ways in a world where it seemed others wanted me to join them in their struggles, it seemed (or more actually at the time, I wrongfully perceived) that "They wanted me to drink gamble. And i didnt want to. Simple as that.". 
      Now I see the sharing of struggles for what they are, they are ways to get things out of our system, to not let any change, argument, or stress build up to the point that we run to gambling as an escape. I fine this in my GA meetings as well; a small portion of the time is in "preaching" the Steps, most of the time is spent in sharing lives and proving that we can live a more normal way through all of lives adventures, the good and the bad. We are mainly left on our own to, through our desire and willingness to stop, and our willingness to reach out for help from others outside the meeting for advice and guidance, to work on recovery and how the program can work for us . I nevertheless still seem to advise more than share in my life, but I believe that this stems from my union days of representing employees having problems in the work place and negotiating better working conditions. However here it is more like providing thoughts and possible solutions on the ways and means for others to follow in achieving better living conditions; there is no negotiating with our addiction, it will not conformize, so I am left to encourage others to work around and not succumb to the overpowering controls. I may lack in sharing in my own boring life, but like you I feel passionate about what works for me and have a desire to share that.
      Keep on sharing in your boring live, a life that could be the scrip for a soap opera where other do not fine boring in the least, and keep on letting other know of your success in recovery, a success that can only be seen as encouraging. Any intimation perceived by some can only be coming from the overpowering, baffling, and insidious addiction that we are combating, and that is fighting back to keep control through manipulating our thoughts and fears — it is the power of the addiction that is intimidating.
      Again I use the topic of others to express my thoughts, some that may have extended past your topic, but your openness about your feelings and success allowed me to vent a little; thanks.
      God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Keep on being active through reading and posting. Don’t let the *******s wear you down.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23462
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Well at least you stuck to your guns and did what you thought was right. Funny how people want to control others! I think its good you didnt drink if you didnt feel like it. Sounds like something from the teenage years, haha, sure in the morning they wished they had taken the road you did.
      Hope to see you soon for a chat its been a while
      Living with Hope

    • #23463
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi K, thanks for the post on my thread, it means so much xxx I like the line ‘ Sometimes our greatest fear is ourselves and our inability to be open to the possibilities’ and I believe that is true for us all, CG and non CG alike. I for one hope you keep giving your very much valued support to all on this site . Be proud of your achievements, living can never be boring, each day has something different to offer us, make us think and take stock of what we have in life and just how far we have come. Sending much love to you and yours xxxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #23464
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hiya K
      Well i really wish i decided not to drink like you did. I would have been in a nicer position recently had i declined. Cant believe that adults were acting like young teenagers and trying to pressure you into drinking. Sounded just crazy to me. You are one strong chickadee though, you have stopped gambling, you have stopped smoking and you are zumbaing your way through life. I find it such a battle not to gamble and have not been able to stop, i wish i was more like you.
      Living with Hope

    • #23465
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      Where would we be without you?
      If you can intimidate, in terms of being clean, then intimidate for the rest of your life.  
      Amyyy wrote recently that she felt that maybe she needed to ‘slip’ to be in the club and now you feel that your normal life could be called boring and nobody wants to hear about it.
      You are both beacons for others. You are guiding lights that shine in the dark.   Without inspirational people like you there is no hope.
      I too am overjoyed by triumphs on this site but what have I got to offer?   I am not struggling with the addiction to gamble in my life.   I am happy.   I am healthy.    What does it matter if some perceive that we BS?   I know I don’t and I know you don’t.   I feel passionate about sharing the good news that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and that wonderful lives can be lived.  
      I am so glad that you stick around and support others.   I encouraged someone in the F&F forum only last night to read your thread. You make a difference right across the board.  
      I can only imagine that your BS stood for ‘beautiful sense’, ‘boundless strength’ or ‘brilliant sagacity’ because that is what you write on your thread.  
      ‘You’ make a difference and I am so glad that you are there.
      Velvet      

    • #23466
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I am Soooooo Behind~
      To quote Elvis " I want you , I need you , I love you, with all my heart"!
      I look at my funny fuzzy flower in my kitchen and I think of you.
      Every time you post you "beat the odds". Recovery is a life long job.
      Keep living! ( and posting )
      peace
      bettie

    • #23467
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi everyone, thanks for your posts, as always you have all lifted my spirits.
      I have had a shocking week, not only am i tired and a bit grumpy i had a massive dissapointment where work is concerned that absolutely gutted me.
      I am fortunate that i dont hold a grudge, but what i have done is made a plan and as soon as i did that it felt like the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders.  I feel better, although i think im still tired and a bit grumpy!!!!
      No gambling thoughts during my stressful time, thankfully.
      I hope you are all enjoying the weekend, im working so not so much enjoyment. I have a few more weeks and then im off on a little holiday so that will be nice, im looking forward to it a lot.
      Take care my lovelies,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23468
      vera
      Participant

      Sorry to hear you had a disappointment at work, Kathryn! Hope your job is not at stake? We live in scary times!
      My daughter is home on hols. All off with her B/F in Sydney . ( a mother’s prayers never go unanswered)  and she met a lovely guy from guess whwere….MELBOURNE!
      Bad news is, he works in the Middle East!
      Life is full of disappointmets and surprises but we don’t rely on gambling any more to solve themmm
      Glory be to God!

    • #23469
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Well its me again, you know im on day one right, well there it is.  God knows when i will get a hold of recovery, i try and it slips through my fingers, its totally devastating but i have people like you to look up to and know that it can be done.  Maybe you tried lots of times to stop before you finally could too i dont know.  I think i hope that with people so i dont seem such a loser!! Where are you going on your little holiday missy.  Would it be to the sunshine state?  If it is you know we have to catch up for a cuppa ok!! Despite me falling of the rails all the time i would always love to see a GT friend.  I think you are awesome Kathryn, you seem to have it so together to me.  I just seem to fall apart all the time. Hope to chat to you soon
       Living with Hope

    • #23470
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good Evening Everyone,
      i have been having some computer problems this week that have prevented me from being here as much as i would like to.  I am up late, well, early actually, its just after midnight for me and im up with coffee and toast.
      Its hot tonight, so hot that i cant sleep.  I just rolled over and my arm touched my husbands arm which was absolutely freezing.  I thought the poor man was dead and just about shook him off the bed i got such a fright.  Needless to say he wasnt impressed hence me sitting here writing this post.
      Ive had a busy week, i worked 10 days straight, which nearly kills me.  The tuesday after easter we are off for 4 nights to our little yearly holiday.  I cant believe just how much i feel i need it this year.  I am soooo tired.  To be honest, im tired of being tired!
      My one saving grace is that i havent had any real urges to gamble.  I feel i have learnt to live without it in my life now.  Although i know i cant ever return, i am at peace with that and feel no desire to do so.  Complaciency will always be in my mind, i think being honest and open, not soemthing that everyone can do but something that is important to me helps my recovery.  I am not embaressed or afraid to say i am a compulsive gambler, to anyone.  It is part of who i am, a very small part these days and my recovery is worth a hell of a lot more than any embaresment i may feel saying that i cannot/will not go to a gambling venue.   If they dont like it……too bad, they obviously arent my friend or anyone i need to worry about.
      I hope that you are all doing ok, wherever you are in your journey. Dont give up. I do finally feel that perhaps now i can change my profile signature, because i am living.  Finally.
      Take care,
      K xxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23471
      velvet
      Moderator

       
       
      Dear Kathryn
      What a cracking post. 
      I always say in F&F that we don’t have to live in the shadow of the addiction to gamble and here you are in ‘My Journal’ saying the same.   You must always be aware that it is there but then so are other nasty things and we don’t have to go there or think about them either – we have freedom.  
      You are proof that this addiction can be turned round and used for the good of others and yourself.   Being unafraid and proud of who you are is something that many people do not achieve, CG or not.   You have faced the darker side of you and you have rejected it.   Wow Kathryn –you are an amazing person.   Maybe it did take a massive pile of the brown stuff to get where you are but you can hold your head up now for ever.  
      I am so proud to have met you through this site.
      I think your profile signature is a wonderful one for all who read your story.  
      I will sign off before I get mushy
      Velvet
        Velvet

    • #23472
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I was wondering where you had got to.  It looked as though i was going to disappear but no, i cant give up the fight.  I hope I can get to that place in your recovery that you are one day, you have always been a role model to me here as are many.  Enjoy your holiday you deserve it.
       Living with Hope

    • #23473
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Great to read Kathryn, a great example to us all.
      Geordie.Recovery is priceless.

    • #23474
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I haven’t heard from you in such a long time?  Is everything ok?  I hope you enjoy your holiday wherever you go, whatever you do, enjoy it, hope to see you sometime for a chat its been so long
       Living with Hope

    • #23475
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hope, again i thank you for bringing me to the top…..
      My computer is slow, soooo slow that it takes me ages to do anything, and being the impatient cg that i am its easier for me to not write than take half an hour to write a paragraph,  i still read every day, just dont post, it takes too long at the moment, i will, after my trip, take it to the computer person fixer upper!!!!!
      Im doing alright, busy at work, we are going away on Tuesday for 4 nights, i cant wait and i just know i will be extremely relaxed when i get back, i always am…..
      Easter Bunny was good to my children this year, they didnt wake up until after 7 which was a miracle really although master 13 obviously knows that i am Easter bunny, but little master 7 still believes (i think)
      Not a lot to report, just living………oh its lovely to be able to say that.  OF course, life is no where near perfect, still issues with hubby, that will never change, kids drive me nuts at least once a day, that will never change, but what has changed is me and my ability to cope without having to gamble.  A massive change in my life.
      I hope Easter bunny was kind to you all,
      Take care, K xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23476
      Anonymous
      Guest

      oh when the saints -oh when the saints-oh when the saints come marching home-best on ground -son of god-gary ablett jnr-his father was god snr–in minds of parochial geelong fans-they all called him god down at geelong-until his girlfriend snorted too much and died alone in flat-but his son maybe not god to you and i-but definitely saint better than our judd and rest in competition-i was there kath -etiad stadium tonite-barracking for the victorian side-yours-but the no 9–aint he a beauty-get on him for brownlow-he big odds -to we gamblerholics -he champion in hasbeen side-bobby skilton won triple brownlows -good footballer in crap team that never made top four and today not top eight-my tip for brownlow again  2012-god jnr-dont forget -i told you first–if you not break and gamble.me 21 days not gamble.get a life-or get stuffed well and truly by a poker machine

    • #23477
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey K,
      Long time no see!
      My Easter is just starting. I am bringing a pumpkin pie and chicken and dumplings to my sisters. I was going to have family here but not feeling up to it.
      I reposted a short video on FB, my great niece’s 2nd birthday, she’s so sweet.
      Glad you had a nice Easter and enjoy yout trip.
      Looking foward to seeing the "gang" at the GA mini conference this weekend. I will enjoy a couple days off too!
      bettie

    • #23478
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi K, Happy Easter Bunny day to you and your family. I hope you enjoy your break and recharge your batteries. It is awful feeling TATT (tired all the time). Your life certainly has changed for the better and just being able to ‘cope’ without reverting to gambling is a tremendous achievement. It is raining here today, so horrid after all the sunshine of late – but hey ho !!! Take care and have fun. Much love xxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #23479
      i am hope
      Participant

      Thanks for your post Kathryn
      Made me feel teary in a good way.  Hope you have a wonderful trip and you get the rest you need.  Cant wait to hear about it. 
       Living with Hope

    • #23480
      reds
      Participant

      dear Kathryn – I just have to tell you how much I laughed when I read about your mother – the human fat detector.  My father was the fat detector in our family.  If dieting was an Olympic sport my sisters would own the podium.  My mother was the human pregnancy detector – she could look at a woman 2 days pregnant and could tell. Spooky. 
      Time and perspective make these things funny .  Hope you are keeping well, K.
      reds

    • #23481
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, I laughed when I read that your husband was cold and you shook him because it scared you.  I’ve done the same thing to my husband and he over-reacted over it too.  I’ve even nudged the dog because I thought he was too quiet for too long.  Would they ever worry about us like that?  You are amazing how you stopped gambling and stayed stopped…and are finally living.  That’s where we all want to be.  Good for you!

    • #23482
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks for the posts, I’m on my trip, spent today at the spa … Pure relaxation bliss. Unlike last year which was a total nightmare everyone is actually having a good time. ….woohoo! Life is good, take care my lovelies, oh and mum saw me Zumba this morning and said i was a show off….. I cant won !!!this morning a

    • #23483
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      … Not a lot to report, just living………oh its lovely to be able to say that … 
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      It is good to hear about how it is so lovely to say "just living"; about your being able to experience the words of your quote from Peter Pan,"To live, that would be a great adventure".
      When others are searching for what good there is in living gambling free when they are still struggling with other natural and everyday problems, they should just open their eyes and mind to see all of the bad stemming from gambling that is now missing; in our just living, when we do not have a lot to report, during the times that I refer to as being uneventful, the good returns and the benefits of change is manifested in everything we do and go through — Life is Good.
      God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep sharing the adventures of your life.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23484
      i am hope
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Nice to hear you are away on the trip and its going well.  Spa, ahhhhhh enjoy my friend!!! So happy you are on holiday. 
      See you soon
       Living with Hope

    • #23485
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Back from my trip, i just read my last post…lol, i really shouldnt try and post on my iphone, im not good at it!!!!
      Anyway, i had a fantastic week, it was one of those holidays that ive always wanted.  I usually go away with great expectations, the happy family, the peaceful week away and it never happens, but it did!!!!  It was an absolute joy.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23486
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      HI Kathryn, I’m soo glad you had a good trip as you deserve it!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23487
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive had a busy week, we have 2 new doctors from England and its a bit stressful trying to keep them happy.  Of course everyone does things differently and it takes a while for us nurses to get used to the way a new doctor likes things and believe me, they can be very fussy!!!!  In saying that, they seem very nice so thats a good thing!!!
      Ive had a disapointing evening tonight, my youngest son went on his very first sleepover and so master 13, hubby and myself decided to go out for dinner, which we did and it was lovely, no issues there…..
      We did decide afterwards to go to Kmart, its Harry’s 8th birthday next week and i said i would get a few things for him while we were there (which i did).  Master 13 asked if he could have some money, so i said sure, $20 should cover it.  Of course what he wanted was $49 and i said no.  Not only did he get snooty, so did hubby!  Because he couldnt have what he wanted he didnt want anything so we got our purchases for Harry and left.  The drive home was icy to say the least, not one word was spoken (i was driving) and not one word since then.  It has been several hours since we got home.
      So, i have made the easy decision.  Im sure if hubby hadnt been there sulking Bailey would have found something for his $20 and been quite happy, the fact that hubby sooked along with him has made up my mind.  No longer will i go shopping with him, for anything, ever again.  I know it sounds drastic, but i tell you, i dont need the stress of it all.  I am done!
      Im pretty upset still, it makes me angry that something as simple as going to a shop can turn into something really ugly and upsetting.  Lesson learnt.
      TC, K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23488
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn
      I cannot believe how far down your thread had slipped.  It only goes to show how far you have come.   You are living gamble-free and not seeking support.  
      To any new members though your thread has got to one to read and shoud not be allowed to slip too far down.   You are inspirational to everyone on the site.
      How are your young men, Brea and Bestie?  
      Please update – no details could ever be mundane.   It is just so wonderful to hear you living the dream.
      As Ever
      Velvet
       

    • #23489
      kathryn
      Participant

      LOL V,
      We must have been posting at the same time, and heres me…living the dream with snooty hubby and child…LOL
      In all honesty, thats my biggest problem today, and i must remember that compared to not so long ago, this pales in comparison!!!
      Thanks my beautiful Velvet, for again reminding me just how fortunate i really am!!!!
      Love you, K xxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23490
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      … Im pretty upset still …
                  and in your follow up post,
      …   i must remember that compared to not so long ago, this pales in comparison!!!…
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

      Good morning Kathryn.
      It is good to see a post from you, like Velvet said, your post are a good read for us, you show that life and all of its adventures can be dealt with in normal ways; may not necessary be the right ways, but normal ways. Your sharing brings what we too can have to life. 
      To me your renewed life was emphasized with you telling about your upsetting experiences without mention of any thoughts of gambling in the same post, only about getting through the moment and the lessons learned. And then later you talked about how you realized that in the past you would have reacted differently. Experiencing the normal things without conflicting thoughts of an escape by gambling shows progress; knowing afterwards that things might have been different without recovery is staying away from complacency.
      Good to hear from you, keep on being active in your, and our, recovery.
      God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep living life as it comes.  LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23491
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      Our posts must have passed mid-pacific. 
      What I can’t work out if how you ever did enjoy shopping with hubby?  Not doing it ever again doesn’t sound drastic to me – it sounds entirely sensible.
      If my husband wants clothes, I have to go with him and wait within the immediate vicinity of the changing rooms so I can collect different sizes and colours and  I talk to other women looking forlorn and thinking what they could be doing if only ……… ! 
      We tried to shop for me once.   I had to walk miles, to where husband had drifted to find a comfy seat, to see if he liked any of the dresses.   When I showed him he would say ‘it’s alright’ with about as much enthusiasm as a he would have for a wet weekend.    Eventually I came out with nothing as he was obviously bored!    He said ‘which one are you having?’ and I said ‘none of them’ at which point the man sitting beside him said ‘good I didn’t like any of them either!’   That was the last time I shopped with my husband for anything for me or other people.   Come to think of it I should have asked the other man if he would come with me in future – at least he was honest.
      We have tried at Christmas to buy presents, for other people, together. It consists of eating at every opportunity – unless of course he remembers that he would like a blue jumper to go with whatever and then I am back outside the changing room again. I shop at Christmas alone now too.
      So don’t be upset – you are definitely not alone. 
      My husband and I can’t do sulking.   His father sulked, sometimes for weeks and nobody would know why, then he would start speaking again – very difficult.  
      Such a nice thought that we were both writing at the same time and so good to get your update even if it did contain snotty child and hubby. 
      As Ever

       

    • #23492
      trulyshi
      Participant

      Oh Velvet, your post here brought back memories and made me laugh.  The last time I went shopping with the boyfriend was just over a year ago for a dress for me to wear to my daughter’s wedding.  I finally found one that I loved but it was too tight and the store called around but didn’t have one a size smaller.  Upon leaving the store my boyfriend remarked that I should have bought the dress, all I needed to do was lose approximately 20 pounds over the next 3 weeks and it would fit.  That would have been the first and the last time we went clothes shopping together.  I’ve also given up taken him grocery shopping since I am the one who pays for the groceries, when he went with me (once or twice over 3 years) I spent triple the normal amount and found things in my cart which I would never had purchased if I had gone alone.  Anyways, sorry to get off track on your thread Kathryn, but I can relate to the shopping story.  I really think it’s best to go alone or with a friend.  Debbie

    • #23493
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  Just wanted to say Hi and catch up on your thread and see what you are up to.  My Hubby and I don’t go shopping together, (not grocery or clothes), as he detests it.  Early in our marriage (28 years ago) I tried the shopping thing and found out real fast it wasn’t going to work.  I buy all his clothes and shoes online, that way he can chose his things from home.  LOL!!!  Good to find you well.  Take care.Seize all the good things in life

    • #23494
      maverick.
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, just wanted to say thanks for posting on my journal it means a lot to me to know there is plenty of help and support out there so thanks, I hope you are keeping well and wish you all the very best in your recovery and life, take care and thanks again all the best Maverick.

    • #23495
      kathryn
      Participant

      Maverick,
      Thanks for digging me out of the deep, i went back and i havent posted for a long time….(practice what i preach me thinks!!)
      Anyway, i had a small surgical procedure this week and im still not feeling 100%.  I am so tired, and i am mighty sore, not to mention that i think i have tennis elbow (no, not from tennis) and my left ankle keeps collapsing on me……WHAT IS GOING ON?????  I am falling apart. 
      I dont like feeling unwell, i am having difficulty getting anything done, i am supposed to go back to work on Monday but the way im feeling im unsure if i am going to do this, i think i will play it by ear and see how i feel.
      No gambling, i would say life is good, but i feel too crappy to say it!!!!!
      Hope you are all well,
      Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23496
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Hope you are feeling better soon!  Take care!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23497
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Today is Mothers Day in Australia.  I love this day, even though i know my children love me, mothers day is the day that they make sure i know it!!!!!
      My daughter Brea organised portraits of her and the boys, and they are magnificent,  of course, i sobbed, she prides herself in making me cry and this year was no exception.
      My mother in law is down, and we went out for breakfast, the children werent invited, just her grown up children…and although it was a lovely breakfast i really didnt want to be there, and i wont do it again.  I wanted to be home, with my kids.  We are the only ones that have young children, all Dames’ siblings children are grown.
      Anyway, i will go and see my mother later on, i bought her, amongst other things a new kettle.  I dont normally buy electrical appliances for presents, but i went there the other day and the state of her kettle is shocking.  Im not sure that she can see very well so im sure she will like a new one.  I did buy her some little special things as well. 
      Anyway, to all my aussie friends, Happy mothers day, i hope you enjoy it no matter what you do.
      Love K xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23498
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      Happy Australian Mother’s Day, in spite of a thoughtless mother in law!
      I am pleased that you are recovering from you procedure – you sure know what recovery is all about – take it slowly and don’t try to run before you can walk- the effort is always worthwhile.   
      You might be feeling too crappy to say that life is good but being Kathryn you still managed it.  
      I hope you and your children have (it must be ‘had now) a great day.   Your children have a very special mum and this forum has a very special person in ‘You’.  
      Velvet

    • #23499
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning Kathryn,
      it is mother’s day here today, the 13th.  And sad to say but since my kids grew above the age of children who make homemade gifts in school i haven’t had a mothers day present. It has always been a day like any other. Maybe breakfast in bed once or twice, toast or something lol.  So I’m happy to hear that your children make it a special day as it should be.  I will visit with my mum and sisters later and enjoy a little  treat.  Sorry to hear how crappy you were feeling.  Hope you are well on the mend.  Don’t work too hard this week!  xoxo Laura

    • #23500
      trulyshi
      Participant

      Have a great mother’s day Kathryn.  Actually I think your mother’s day is over now and mine here in Canada is just beginning.  Well, I hope it was a good day for you.  I had asked my three kids to get me a framed photo of the three of them to put on my desk at work, for mother’s day.  My daughter came over about 2 months ago and said, mom – remember how you wanted that picture for mother’s day?  She then handed me an ultrasound picture, she was three months pregnant.  Yes, she can make me cry too and I think she had every intention of doing that.  I can’t believe that next year my little girl will be celebrating this day as a mom herself.  Well, I’m off to get ready for a visit from my youngest.  Take care – Debbie

    • #23501
      twilight16
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn,
      What a lovely surprise to see your post this morning. You have shown this community how one can beat this addiction with grace and complete rejection. You have given your children and family the greatest gift. YOU. I’ve learned so much from you. Thank You xxxxxxxxx It sounds like your had a wonderful Mother’s Day minus the in law breakfast. Can’t imagine how she would think it was alright to leave little ones behind. I’m on my way to my in laws in a few. I saw my Mother earlier and we had a lovely breakfast with the girls and her. We laughed and my littlest who is 5 convienced her to play hide and seek. It was a joy to see my mother walking around the house looking for her. great day. love, Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23502
      bettie
      Participant

      Bali? Wow Kathryn!
      You deserve all the best!
      I hope to make some kind of trip this year. Doing it 20 pounds lighter would be a nice treat too!
      TC
      bettie

    • #23503
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all and thank you ladies for your posts,
      I guess im a bit dumb…..i didnt realise that we all had the same mothers day, duhhhhh, in saying that i hope you all had a wonderful day.
      So today is my day 1, no, i havent gambled, its my day 1 of the healthier, trimmer me.  I have a treadmill coming this afternoon (hubby is picking it up) and im hoping it will all be set up when i get home from work.
      I have 7 weeks till my trip, not long enough and yes im panicking, i will be in bathers a lot over there and the last thing i need is for some little balinese man trying to roll me back into the ocean.  Im not focusing on weight, im focusing on getting rid of the flab.  Hubby is fully supportive, i think he is ready for me to get out of my comfort zone, ive been in a good paddock for far too long.  This is a great motivator.  My healthy food is all packed and i spent yesterday afternoon cooking up a storm so i dont have to think about meals for work this week.
      Wish me luck folks, hopefully i can work my weight recovery like i work my gambling recovery, although i dont recall sweating like a stuck pig and looking like a beetroot when i first stopped gambling, well, maybe once when i was having a huge urge!!!
      Love you all,
      K xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23504
      kathryn
      Participant

      So, first attempt at the treadmill……
      Needless to say, my legs are like jelly.
      Why do i go hammer and tong at everything!!!
      Flights for holiday are booked, i am really excited about it now, it has finally become a reality.  One downer, a person who i love dearly isnt thrilled that im going and i feel i cant be excited in front of them which makes me really sad.  Not a lot of great things happen to me, it would be nice if i could at least talk about it, but it seems i am shut down every time and now im paranoid to say even one word about it because i dont want to upset them and i feel i cant even mention it, the whole situation makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.
      I am, however going to have a fabulous time and bring this person home a lot of presents regardless!!!!  Bali is the shopping mecca for us Aussies, it rocks!!!!!
      Anyway, hope you are all well and happy, i dread to think what my legs are going to be like in the morning, but when im on the beach in Bali feeling fabulous it will be well worth it!!!!!
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23505
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      Get off those egg-shells and express your excitement.   Maybe it is the anticipation of not having you around that is causing the downer.   When you are on holiday that person can know that you are happy and hopefully be happy for you.  
      You will feel fabulous on that beach in Bali regardless of the punishment you are choosing to put yourself through – because you are ‘you’ and you are fabulous.   Surely treadmills belong in the dark ages or at least in a dark room where they can’t be found.  
      I have a vision of you on a treadmill and you have a remarkable likeness in my mind to a hamster!
      As Ever
      V  

    • #23506
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi K, Ooh a trip to Bali, we went 4 years ago(25th Wedding Anniversary) and absolutely loved it. It is a long way from UK, and if my health would stand it, we would be going again next year for out 30th Wedding Anniversary too. That 7 weeks will fly by and I feel sure you really don’t need to ‘lose the flab’, but can also understand your thinking 🙂 xx I believe you should express your excitement, even though it may cause initial upset, it can be discussed. Why don’t they want you to discuss it ? is it something personal to them ? Try not to feel uncomfortable about it – don’t let their hang up ruin your build up to such a great break. Love to you xxxWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

    • #23507
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well
      Page 5, i should be ashamed of myself, and yes Velvet i can see you nodding from here!!!!!!!
      Ive been here, as usual every day, reading posts.  I had an absolutely flat out weekend, i dont like that, i would prefer to have nothing on and the pleasure of doing nothing, at least the day goes slower and i at least feel like i have a weekend.  I was a bit annoyed this morning that it went so fast!!!!!
      Bali is the only thing that keeps me going, i do however tend to get a bit obsessed, in that i will look at the sites for the hotel a million times, so much so that i know exactly where everything is before i get there, well, i suppose some call it obsessed, shall i, for arguments sake call it being organised?
      I do enjoy knowing as much as i can about the place and although i have been there several times before it hasnt been for a good while so im sure a lot has changed……including me!!!
      Apart from the trip, life is fairly mundane, i dont have any news, life is life.  Im working, im coming home and exercising, im taking care of the family, you know, normal stuff……
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23508
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Again
      So i posted that last post tonight, then i was sitting in group and i remembered a conversation i had with my hubby as we were getting dinner ready.  We were talking about tax time, and when i get my return that we would buy a bed for our eldest son, his is getting too small and uncomfortable for him…..
      Me- matresses are so expensive, we need a new one as well , ours is rubbish….
      Hubby- but ours cost $1000
      Me- no it didnt, it was only like $400
      Hubby- you told me it was $1000, remember i had to go and pick it up?
      Wow…..so it was about 5 years ago, at least, and i had to buy a new mattress.  Of course i gambled most of the money and told another lie to add to the million i had already told.  Talk about coming back to bite me in the bum, i almost fell through the floor, i had forgotten all about it, that i had told a massive lie.  I told Dames exactly what i had done.  That i had gambled the majority and thats why i wake up with a sore back every bloody morning!!!!!
      I find the whole thing extrodinary, that after all this time my gambling is still coming back to haunt me.  I am great at blocking things out, i used to be an expert liar, but now i dont have to be.  Thats why i forgot about the mattress. 
      I dont lie anymore. 
      I cant change the past, but ill sleep well tonight knowing i didnt try and B.S. my way out of it.  Well, i wont sleep that well, my mattress is rubbish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23509
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Dear Kathryn
      There is a vast difference between hiding lies and blocking a lot of the past. In both forums, I think, the past has to be blocked (apart from reference only) if we want to go on with each other. 
      I know you don’t lie anymore and you forgot, just like I have forgotten the cost of just about everything I bought 5 years ago.  
      Can you get memory foam mattresses in Australia, that go on top of your old mattress and are a whole lot cheaper than buying the complete thing?   I know from quite a few people they do ease aches and pains.   You have suffered enough for your addiction without waking up with a sore back every morning.    
      I must confess my mattress is gorgeous and hard to get up from – I am definitely an owl not a lark. Anyway hopefully you are snoozing away by now and dreaming of Bali.   It certainly sounds like you are just being organised to me – who wouldn’t look forward, with eager anticiation, to such a fabulous holiday?
      Great to see you in Active Topics as always
      Velvet
       

    • #23510
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
       
      … Ive been here, as usual every day, reading posts … 
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      It is god to know that as I am reading post here that there are other that do the same, others that know that working on recovery, even if only reading or meditating on the truths that will keep us free. Nevertheless, I will say that your daily post in the past helped me tremendously, you let me know that life without gambling was possible, and that the adversities of life were not a reason to return to our abyss, but were merely part of the adventures of life that we would survive.  This is not an attempt to get you to start posting daily again, what you are doing is right for you, you are living gambling free; and your dropping in every 5 pages or so keeps you aware of your need of support and where it can be found — and lets us know that you are still around and doing well.
      When the past comes back to bite you, you now do what is right and talk about it, and in truth the past in not coming back, it is still the past, such reminders of it is only you using everyday events to remind you of where you do not want to return. When I first started reading about your life, you would have stressed for days over telling Hubby about what you had done, or about the results that finally showed up, and about his unacceptable reactions; now you tell him upfront, and it looks like he reacts in a better way too. Recovery is making your life better.  I was just reading this morning about "life is life" and where life is about attitude; 10% can be accredited to events, and the remaining 90 goes to how we react, how our attitude guides the outcome.
      And strange that you mention mattresses today. It is Memorial Day in the States, and I am watching all the mattress sale ads on TV, it is no longer a Day of Remembrance, no longer a day for families to be together (one or more of every family is enslaved to the store owners that honor greed instead on those that gave them the freedom to live); today is a day to push mattresses (and the casino ads are promoting the same).
      God’s speed, Stay strong. Keep aware. Rest well knowing that you are doing good.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23511
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
       
      … Ive been here, as usual every day, reading posts … 
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      It is god to know that as I am reading post here that there are other that do the same, others that know that working on recovery, even if only reading or meditating on the truths that will keep us free. Nevertheless, I will say that your daily post in the past helped me tremendously, you let me know that life without gambling was possible, and that the adversities of life were not a reason to return to our abyss, but were merely part of the adventures of life that we would survive.  This is not an attempt to get you to start posting daily again, what you are doing is right for you, you are living gambling free; and your dropping in every 5 pages or so keeps you aware of your need of support and where it can be found — and lets us know that you are still around and doing well.
      When the past comes back to bite you, you now do what is right and talk about it, and in truth the past in not coming back, it is still the past, such reminders of it is only you using everyday events to remind you of where you do not want to return. When I first started reading about your life, you would have stressed for days over telling Hubby about what you had done, or about the results that finally showed up, and about his unacceptable reactions; now you tell him upfront, and it looks like he reacts in a better way too. Recovery is making your life better.  I was just reading this morning about "life is life" and where life is about attitude; 10% can be accredited to events, and the remaining 90 goes to how we react, how our attitude guides the outcome.
      And strange that you mention mattresses today. It is Memorial Day in the States, and I am watching all the mattress sale ads on TV, it is no longer a Day of Remembrance, no longer a day for families to be together (one or more of every family is enslaved to the store owners that honor greed instead on those that gave them the freedom to live); today is a day to push mattresses (and the casino ads are promoting gambling the same).
      God’s speed, Stay strong. Keep aware. Rest well knowing that you are doing good.
      Larry

      Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 5/31/2012 1:12:49 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #23512
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I see you snuck back to page 3. We can’t have that!
      I am looking foward to a few days off myself. All work and no play is no fun!
      Have I told you lately how special you are? I am full of love today so I thought I would spread some around.
      How are the workouts going? I missed mine last night but I need to get moving today. My cousin is coming over in an hour or so. I haven’t seen her since the Florida trip and I am really looking foward to going "junking" today. ( Thats thrift store shopping! )
      Have a lovely day my lovely girl!
      bettie 

    • #23513
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      you are starting your weekend, I still have Friday at work to get through. But I’m on holidays next week, at home of course, I rarely go anywhere but I’m ok with that right now. Wanted to spread some love too, Hey B where is mine?
      Now time to get ready for work! luv ya xo
      Laura

    • #23514
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey my lovelies,
      Thank you for your posts, Velvet, Larry, B and Laura, my friends, its wonderful to know that i have people looking out for me and as always i am grateful and thankful.
      So i am in the process of organising my re-exclusion.  I am not prepared to tempt fate so im having my portrait taken again for the venues and signing for the next 2 years.  I am unable to take it for any longer although when i asked the man said that the reason they only do 2 years at a time is to keep the photos current which makes sense.
      My week has been fine, work and home, no issues, im still exercising but being the impatient cg i am, i feel like its not working fast enough!!!  I have a shocking head cold at the moment, so lots of rest this weekend.  Im grateful i wont have it when i go to Bali….only 29 more sleeps!!!!
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23515
      vanilla
      Participant

      K,
      finally made it through your thread!
      But if I’m not mistaken aren’t we heading for another milestone this month, in fact very soon?
      Vanilla

    • #23516
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, you are an inspiration! Two years is amazing and truly life changing.  A vacation to Bali is well deserved reward.  Hope you have a wonderful time.

    • #23517
      twilight16
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      You can talk to me about Bali all you like. I am so happy for YOU. You deserve it and I can wait to read how wonderfully it went. Just another great perk of living the life you do. If it weren’t for you I would have tossed the towel long ago though things didn’t work out. Still I am grateful I tried and am not left with any bitterness. We all cope differently yet we can learn from others. Have a wonderful Sunday. Love, Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23518
      sherry123
      Participant

      That’s too bad about the jealous person putting a damper on your excitement.  I work with one of those that always has a negative thing to say to try to ruin a positive feeling.  I agree with Velvet, express your excitement!
      I also read daily.  I feel like I was part of your life years ago…the saga of Dames and the other child for one.  Kind of like watching a TV show and making sure I didn’t miss an episode! It’s also interesting to read the different expressions used in different countries.  There is definately more to this site then just trying to stop gambling.
      Hope you get yourself a nice new bed.  We spend a third of our life in bed and you deserve one that’s comfortable.

    • #23519
      kathryn
      Participant

      Wow, thanks girls for you lovely posts,
      Twilight, i will say….its only 26 SLEEPS!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!! Not to get to ahead of myself but i have already done a tiny bit of packing..lol. 
      Vanilla, im impressed you read the lot, i sure do sprout rubbish sometimes, although being able to do that has saved my life on occasion!
      Sherry, what can i say…..my life was Days of our lives, the whole saga with Fester, i remember feeling absolutely supported by you lot back then, it was one of the most traumatic things i have ever been through  but we all made it through the other side, i do still think of that poor girl, i half expect her to knock on the door one day wanting another test, who can blame her, im not sure what her mum said to her but hey, perhaps she told her who her real dad is and they are doing ok.  Its not her fault, poor thing.  Im not sure if i would have got through it without all my friends here, you truly kept me sane when life was totally insane!!!  Its not a time that i think of a lot, but it was a truly testing time for me in my recovery and i firmly believe in fate, i was sent here because if i hadnt stopped gambling i think i would have destroyed myself in my stress and misery!!
      Anyway, my point is that this site has been a huge part of my recovery, and all my friends here have helped me along the way.  A life line, and a godsend that i give thanks for every day.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23520
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, all your life stories have had happy endings.  You write like a friend chatting over a cup of tea and that’s why I looked forward to whatever you had to share.  I am so sorry you had to go through the hard times…but so glad you were strong enough to not run back to the casino. You are an inspiration to all of us.  3 years is AMAZING!  Congratulations!

    • #23521
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hello my friends,
      Well, ive had an eventful couple of days, first, yesterday i pulled a muscle in my back…..it is taped up like you wouldnt believe.  The only reason i  went to work was because i knew the physio was there and he would help me!  Anyway, its feeling a bit better today.  Work has actually been a little bit fun this week, one of the bosses has a week off, just shows the impact she has there, and its been rather enjoyable.  The doctors have been quite funny too which has been a bonus!
      Lastly, it is my 20 year wedding anniversary today.  We didnt do anything due to lack of funds (i am saving for bali!!) so we had a nice dinner followed by hubby going to bed and me on the computer listening to music!!!  Yep, just another day really!
      Im working through until monday, although we have the day off for Queen Elizabeths birthday i am working, another Bali money raising scheme!!!  I have Tuesday off and i have an appointment to go and re-exclude.  Im looking forward to getting that done.
      I hope you are all well and happy, Happy Hump Day!!!!
      Love Kathryn xxxxxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23522
      gunner27
      Participant

      Hey K
      Just wanted to say thanks so much for your post on my new thread, you really are a lovely person and this board is very very lucky to have you ‘on board’, your post means a hell of a lot to me.
      I’m really excited for you with that trip coming up, and also in a funny way your trip to re-exclude, both of these are great things to be doing and both indicate your continued progress and strength, more power to your elbow!
      Have a great Hump day whatever that is! Lots of love, Jim
       

    • #23523
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn
       
       … Yep, just another day really! …
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      "Just another day" may have been a reference to you wedding anniversary a few days ago, but today it can be attributed to your gambling free anniversary. Well done on reaching this 3 Year Milestone. Today might very well be just another day in some sense, "Just Another Manic Monday", but without your hard work and resolve to live gambling free it would be another day in the grasp of an addiction and there is no telling how it would be played out, or if it would be here for you at all.
      Your adventures on this great journey of life, this journey of living gambling free, has been an inspiration to all. You allowed us to see life as it should be, with all of its problems and struggles of everyday living, and all of the benefits of facing those times without escaping to the world of gambling. It can be done and you are doing it, and have been doing it One Day At A Time for the past 1095 days – 1095, 2012 is a Leap Year.
      Enjoy the days to come. Enjoy your adventure in Bali; without your living this more normal way of being gambling free, I doubt if your would be going.
      Again, Well done!
      God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep enjoying and experiencing the adventures of life.
      Larry

      Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 6/11/2012 12:24:18 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #23524
      vanilla
      Participant

      Three years!
      WOW, WOW, WOW
      and the twenty years too.
      Congratulations
      Vanilla
       Letting go

    • #23525
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hey everyone,
      Wanted to do another post about my day today.
      So, yesterday was my 3 year anniversary, and i didnt even remember until 8.45pm.  I had my group and came to log on and the first thing i saw was the above post from Vanilla…….thats when i remembered.  I actually gasped and said to hubby…"oh my god, i havent gambled for 3 years today and i didnt even remember!"  We did a high five and that really was the extent of my celebrating!! LOL
      When i went back onto the journal section and saw Harrys post, another big gasp (im such a drama queen).  I was shocked, then teary, then very proud.  Thanks H, for remembering (not to mention reminding me of what a pain i was!!) All of you that posted, you all made me feel so special and a true part of this community and for that i thank you, its the loveliest feeling in the world.
      Onto today…..i gave myself another gift, i went and self excluded again.  I took my bestie Jode with me, we were going shopping afterwards.  It only took about 5 minutes, the photo was damn awful, like a passport photo, and the side on version….ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!  Anyway, got it done and dusted which was great, Nick, the man i met was lovely and it was over in a blink.
      Had a lovely day with my bestie, i fear something is wedged between us at the moment, i know that all will be ok though, we are both working at things which is important and we havent had a day out for a long time so it was really enjoyable. 
      Back to work tomorrow for a couple of days, then Friday off, (unfortunately i have to have a tooth pulled out and i still think of Colin everytime i go to the dentist)
      Well, time to go and pick up H from school,
      Enjoy your day everyone,
      Love K xxxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23526
      kathryn
      Participant

      My baby girl turned 21 today.
      We had drinks last night at a lovely little spot in our town, it was a great night although hubby had way too much to drink and ended up riding the porcelain bus (thank goodness i was asleep!)
      Anyway, my daughter just posted the loveliest thing on facebook thanking us and saying that without me and her dad she wouldnt be the person she is today. 
      It got me thinking…..i believe everything happens for a reason, so i was meant to have my addiction to shape me into who i am today.  I harboured a lot of guilt for Brea when i first stopped gambling, i forced her to grow up way too fast, looking after her brother so i could go and gamble, giving her way to much responsibility at such an early age, thankfully she was never put in a situation that harmed her, her brother or gave her lifelong issues that caused her pain.  
      Perhaps it is because of where i am in my recovery, that i can now look back and see the good that came from my addiction, that i can take the positives out of it and recognise the blessings.  Something good always comes from something bad  and reading that little fb post tonight just proves that for me. 
      I am so proud of my daughter, of the beautiful, vibrant, fun, happy, smart, bubbly person she has become.  That child fills my life with joy (most of the time!!!)
      That is a massive blessing!
      Take care all,
      K xxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23527
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I got to thinking the same way a little while ago – did I have to go through that experience to get where I am and the answer I have come up with is ‘yes’.
      Bad experiences seem to shape us more than good ones.
      Your daughter is all those wonderful things and her mum is a CG which says a lot of good things about your daughter and her mum.   It proves, to me, conclusively that committing a life to being gamble-free can (and does) produce the most wonderful human beings.
      You have every right to be proud; you have every right to be the mother of a vibrant, happy, bubbly person.   Never look back with guilt Kathryn – you are living the life you were meant to have, the one you have worked for and you are very, very special.
      Velvet 
       
       

    • #23528
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, what has meant to be the build up to the holiday ive been so excited about has turned into a small nightmare….of course!  My husband always says we are cursed and im starting to believe him!
      About 12 days ago, I had a tooth removed as i thought i would have everything done before my trip.  The extraction was completely fine, no problems, quick and painless…..until 2 days later when i woke up and realised that i had an infection…a ‘dry socket’ they call it in dental circles.
      So, a hell of a lot of pain, painkillers and antibiotics later and yesterday i decide to go to the specialist who promptly informs me that today i will be having surgery,  to clean the infection out and sew it back up.  To say i was horrified was an understatement, i havent cried like that in a long time (once i got to the car of course)
      So im off today to have it done.  I am praying that it will be ok before i go away on Sunday.  Im cutting it fine, very fine in fact. I am already loaded with more painkillers and antibiotics for when i wake up this afternoon.  I am planning on sleeping a lot, to let the healing process do what it needs to, ensuring im fine to travel.
      Im extremely nervous, terrified in fact.  I am hoping against hope that it will be ok.
      Ill keep you posted.
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23529
      sherry123
      Participant

      Hope you have a quick recover so you can enjoy that vacation!

    • #23530
      bettie
      Participant

      Sending love and good vibs your way!
      bettie

    • #23531
      bright star
      Participant

      Aww K, that’s awful!! Saying a quick prayer that all will be well and recovery will be speedy. You’ve really earned this break, so here’s to a painfree, pina colada-filled gataway!! Hugs.

    • #23532
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I’ve had a dry socket before, very very painful.  Hope you are feel much better.  Enjoy your trip as you deserve it!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23533
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      Thank you for your posts and support.  So i had the procedure, i was absolutely terrified but in true style the anesthetic kicked in and i was asleep.  I woke up in a totally seperate room, i cant remember how i got there…lol
      So this morning ive woken up, my face is a little swollen, and there is bruising as well.  Im taking fairly strong painkillers and they are truly doing the job and im happy with that.  I have to see the surgeon on Friday to do a last check before i fly out…..WOOOOHOOOOOO. 
      Nothing will stop me enjoying this trip, i think ive been put through the wringer with this stupid tooth so i think my trip is even more deserved!  Im not going back to work now, so ill be super organised by Sunday.  I need to rest and let this thing heal, i can feel the stitches in my mouth…..ewwwwwwww.  They will disolve..lol.
      Anyway, enough babble, im sure ill be back for one last woohoo before i go,
      take care,
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23534
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Glad to hear that you had the dental surgery and are doing well.  Enjoy your trip!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23535
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      glad to hear the surgery went well and that you will have the rest of the week off to rest and heal. Hopefully we catch up before your trip but if not, have a great, great, great time! Although I know I don’t have to tell you that! Laura xo

    • #23536
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn
      I missed the tooth incident I’m sorry.  It is good to read that all is well though and that you are toning up for the wonderful break that somebody so special deserves.
      I know that i am not supposed to wish but I can’t help it this time – i wish i was coming with you
      Velvet
       
       

    • #23537
      sherrie
      Participant

      I hope you have a wonderful holiday Kathryn . Can’t wait to hear about it when you get back.
      Sherrie
      xoxoxo

    • #23538
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I hope you have a fantastic time in bali and congratulations on your 3 years, that is amazing
      ChubbycatToday is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

    • #23539
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn

       
      Nothing will stop me enjoying this trip …
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Bon voyage! Enjoy this adventure as you continue traveling life’s journey.
      Larry
       

    • #23540
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      The quickest upate because of course i am in beautiful Bali and i have to go and book my massage…..ahhhh, lol.
      Having a wonderful time, the weather is amazing, the food is to die for, the shopping, well lets just say i went ‘buck wild’ yesterday which is why today i am having a lazy massage/pool day.
      If this doesnt prove what stopping gambling can do, i dont know what can!!!  Cocktails in coconuts watching the sunset, i am having the time of my life!!!!
      Love you all,
      K xxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23541
      bettie
      Participant

      What can I say Kathryn?
      Somehow Bali sounds like more fun than a road trip with my mom~~LOL~~!
      Oh well enjoy yourself!
      bettie

    • #23542
      bright star
      Participant

      Don’t get me wrong K, I’m so thrilled that you’re having a ball in Bali … but I’m so green with envy I may turn into The Hulk!!! Honestly though, no-one deserves coconut-shell drinks with little umbrellas more than you do. You’ve worked this recovery thing to the max, helping so many along the way. I remember the island vacations, distant moons ago when I wasn’t such a fool. And I’m hoping I’ll see them again in the not too distant future. In the meantime, I will live vicariously through you. I’m picturing a massage on the beach, under the palm trees, with a soft wind blowing … sigh!!

    • #23543
      meglee
      Participant

      Hey my gorgeous chook!!!
      Bali!!!!????? How was it??? You SOOOO deserve it (both of you!)
      Felt bad when i realised I had missed your anniversary, and then i realised ( from my own experience) that life becomes about so much more than the anniversary of the end of something negative! The very end of it, creates a new "forward thinking mentality"!! (and hence- we miss the dates!)
      So i laughed really hard when i read your post and saw that you forgot your OWN ‘anniversary’!!! LOL. Either way though – well done you! I am, and have always been, so proud of you.
      Did you enjoy the full moon in bali??? i was thinking of you! Maybe you and dames should start planning your NEXT oversea adventure and come to NZ. Theres still room in my driveway for your campervan! Anytime!
      Much love and light always and always
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

    • #23544
      kathryn
      Participant

      Bettie, Bright and Meg, thank you for your posts…..
      Meg, i did look up at that full moon, it was as bright and beautiful as it always is and of course, i thought of you.
      So, the holiday, it was brilliant.  Highlights were lobster dinner on the beach watching the sunset and being serenaded by a gorgeous Balinese band who kept getting the words wrong,  getting lots of bargains from the locals who had such names as Mel Gibson, Johnny Walker and Jim Beam (lol), lying by the pool with a cocktail just enjoying life although usually i was thinking about what i needed to go and buy the next day, and my highlight of the trip was releasing my own little baby turtle into the ocean, there were hundreds of people and over 1000 turtles, a record apparently, it was so emotional and moving i cried…..
      I came home to a family who missed me and a whole lot of washing, it had been washed, but there were baskets of clean clothes everywhere, im still catching up.
      Back to work on Monday, i havve to say im not looking forward to it, i think it may be time for me to move on from there, i will start looking….im not in a hurry, but im definitely going to be fussy, anyway we shall see how it goes.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Love K xxxxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23545
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      glad to have you back! Your trip sounds awesome (yes I know, I’m still so totally 80’s). Hope to catch you over the weekend. I”m off to work, Friday though so it should fly I hope. Talk soon xo
      Laura

    • #23546
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Its been awhile so i thought a post was in order.  Ive been busy, back to work since my trip to Bali (what i wouldnt give to be back there just for another few days……) there has been a lot going on, ive come to the realisation that i am working in a very unhealthy environment and i have something on the backburner, i havent commited to anything right now, but im seriously considering all aspects.
      Health wise, well of course i could be doing more, a lot more, i have managed to stay of the cigarettes and im coming up to about 8 months or so which is great, although i need to get back to my exercise regime and watch my food intake, i do love my food!  I have a wedding in a couple of weeks and i think a bit of exercise will make me feel better about the dress im wearing. …its not my normal thing, in fact, i havent worn a dress for a couple of years, i dont ever feel comfortable in them but Brea swears it looks good.  In saying that, she is 20 years younger than me and its proboably more her kind of dress than mine……
      Speaking of Brea, and exercise for that matter, i have booked us some tickets to try pole dancing/burlesque lessons…LOL.  There was a special on, 3 lessons for the price of 1 so i thought why not?  It will be fun, something different and we havent really done a mum/daughter thing for a while.  If we like it we will keep on going, that is one i will keep you posted on….im unsure as how on earth i am going to swing around on a pole, i imagine me falling with a very undignified thump!
      As for gambling, i havent had any urges, i still come here, every day, to read.  There is a great community here and its good to see that the support is as strong as ever.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      TAke care, K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23547
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn,
      The dancing should be a blast! I think I would laugh so hard I wouldn’t learn a thing!
      I wear a dress almost everyday for work. I find that since I have gained weight ( UGGGGGG!!) that they are more flattering than a skirt. I dislike slacks, to fit my behind the legs are always too big and i feel like an elephant!
      I’m sure Brea would not let you down and you look beautiful!
      bettie

    • #23548
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Your trip to Bali sounds like paradise.  Have fun pole dancing, sounds like fun!!  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23549
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Oh i laughed so much about the pole dancing, in a good way because i am a very visual person and i think it sounds like a lot of fun!! What a great thing to do with Brea, you will both have many laughs and get some fitness at the same time i am sure. I am here having my cuppa and doing some reading and posting. Love to see your posts. You always remind me of possibility of hope, that there is a way somehow to beat this addiction or at least keep it at bay. I admire you so much. I hope that you change jobs soon, i hate to think of you round that environment you deserve more. Im going to wish you a good job. hehe.
      My cat is currently in crazy mode and running like a loon!! She is the most hilarious thing ever. I call her and her eyes go all glassy, her ears flatten, she wriggles her but and pounces in the air, at nothing. She is so crazy, but they do say animals are like their owners. Going to see Batman soon with the little family!! Cant wait, im a big kid at heart. Anyway ive really started waffling but just wanted to have a chat with you and looks like i have done it on your thread untill i can catch you in cyberspace. All the best with the job and see you soon.
      Ps, you know we want a full update on the pole dancing hehhe
      Chubbyycat
      Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

    • #23550
      kathryn
      Participant

      You know when you try and try, when you make a conscious effort, when you do everything you can and you get squat back?
      3 little words……..i am done.
      K
      On second thoughts, i have an unrealistic expectation of others.  I need to stop putting people on pedestals.  I end up being the one who is hurt.  So, as usual, its all my fault.  Yep, im having a pity party and you are all invited.To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23551
      trulyshi
      Participant

      Kathryn, I think Ken’s reflection for the day – month of August – was meant for you and I to read.  It woke me up. Deb– 8/3/2012 11:10:43 AM: post edited by trulyshi.

    • #23552
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good Morning,
      I had a great weekend, we went to a wedding.  It was fantastic, we ate, drank, danced and laughed.  My mum was a clubbin mama, she danced all night and at almost 82 she did a great job and i got some wonderful photos.  It was beautiful.
      LIfe is going along ok.  Im still in limbo regarding work, i do know that whatever happens its what is meant to happen.  Im in no hurry to move on.  Everything will work out.
      Anyway, a quick update before getting ready for work, i dont seem to know so many here anymore, but im so happy you have found this site and i hope it helps you as much as it helps me.
      Take care,
      Love K xTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23553
      Anonymous
      Guest

      It does me K. Your weekend sounds fab.
      Have a nice day!
      Geordie.Living a life instead of living a lie…..Recovery is priceless.

    • #23554
      twilight16
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn,
      Your trip to Bali has certainly peaked my interest in visiting one day. I am so glad that you enjoyed it so and I am thrilled it was all you imagined and more I believe. I realize more and more how we must take more time for ourselves to stop and enjoy ourselves, smell the roses as they say, treat ourselves more. Have you thought about your next vacation? My dream vacation would be to go to London.
      Pole dancing, brave woman you are indeed. I am sure there were alot of laughs exhanged between yourself and Brea that will last a lifetime. I think it takes a special person to like pole dancing, lol.
      This has been a good weekend. Normalcy is a good thing and I am so happy my life is getting there with each day but with it came a very high price. I am thankful my father is safe, not gambling, and is getting the help he needs. Now I can go on living and enjoying the simple things of life.
      xxxTwilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23555
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I am still waiting to find out how the pole dancing with Brea went hehe. Glad you had a fun time at the wedding, you are always up to something. Good to hear, so much nicer to be doing those things than gambling. Im back on track in some way. Trying my hardest. I hope that you are well and happy today, just wanted to say hi havent seen you for ages and thinking of you today
      Chubbycat
      Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

    • #23556
      maverick.
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, just wanted to make a quick post to say thank you for all you do, your posts help me and so very many people and in truth I am guilty of not responding enough, not because I cannot be bothered just because i honestly dont seem to have the time – I know people always say I had time to gamble and that is so very true but I have found when you dont gamble and choose the path of recovery then it is a juggling act between family – recovery and work (I hope u noticed I put work last lol) anyway just wanted to say thank you and wish you all the very best in your recovery and life, take care love Maverick.

    • #23557
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks for bringing me back to the top Maverick, and yes, life does manage to take over.
      I was actually going to post about something that happened on Wednesday night,  we went out for dinner and i didnt have enough cash on me so i went to the atm.  It told me i had to go and see a staff member, which i did.  This machine is the newest idea to help problem gamblers and i have to say, i  think it just might help, not work, but help in that i know for a fact that i wouldnt be going to a staff member to ask for money more than once.  Sure, i could go and find an atm somewhere else, but what a hassle! 
      We all know that if we want to gamble we will, but i suppose any little extra thing that can be a deterrant cant be bad.
      Ive got a busy weekend on, 2 parties, one at my place so i had better go and start getting organised.
      TAke care everyone,
      Love K xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23558
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      … life does manage to take over …
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      Yours and Maverick’s conclusion that without gambling life has a way of taking over, not only filling the void that is left when we stop gambling, but giving us a legitimate need to juggle the precious time that that was stolen in the past. Being gambling free truly allows us to live the great adventure of life itself.
      Your experience with the ATM is a great example of how us being accountable to someone other than ourselves can help keep us from facing temptation head on; when we have to make that extra effort, even for a normal transaction, we are allowing a normal way of thinking to guide us.  I am thinking that this builtin step is automatic for those that are banned from gambling; such reason for an extra approval shows how important the effort you took to renew your self-ban was, your taking actions on your own at that time is what broadened your safety zone. Like you said, we can get around any barrier and gamble if we want to; but the extra deterrents that are in place, and the priority we place on living and using our time and energy, in far better better than the hassle and planning it takes to do wrong.
      God’s speed. Stay strong. Enjoy life.
      Larry

      Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 8/26/2012 3:37:02 PM: post edited by paul315.

    • #23559
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      Well Bali it isn’t – but I am off to Normandy in France for two weeks on Friday and I am not taking my laptop.    
      I just wanted to catch up with you because I know I am going to miss your birthday but I will have a cocktail (or 2 or 3) that night to mark the occasion.   I will even try and invent my own and call it ‘inspiration’ after you. I will let you know if it works! If it doesn’t I will drink it all the same and toast you with it.  
      So no dipping my sylph like body (thank goodness for cyber space) body into a pool or being waited on hand and foot but for me a holiday with my husband, a friend and my dog sounds just great.   I will just let life take over.
      I hope you have a wonderful birthday and that Dames looks after you – I will be in my second week and not looking forward to coming home – I never do.   At least I know that many members in ‘My Journal’ will be gamble-free and that will be good to come back to. 
      I hope the parties go well.  
      As Ever
      V
       

    • #23560
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      I have had no internet connection for weeks hence my dissapearance from the forum……
      Velvet, thank you, today is my belly button birthday, in fact its almost over…… I had. a lovely day and received this iPad I’m typing on (halleluja, I’m back
      Life is going well, no major dramas. I will however say that I’m saddened by the new rules of gt…I am fortunate that it benefits me as a non UK person but my god there will be many of you I will miss dearly…..
      That’s all I have for now, I will be around
      K xxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23561
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
       … today is my belly button birthday …To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      Happy Birthday!  It is a nice present to yourself to find a way to post today. 
      Enjoy the rest of the day; and keep on living gambling free, something that allows for such celebrations.
      God’s speed. Stay strong.Larry Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23562
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, happy birthday to you!!! sounds like you are having fun tapping away on that ipad!! what an awesome present!! Hope all is well for you
       

    • #23563
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Where are you? It is school holidays so i am kind of guessing maybe you are busy on the holidays with the kids or maybe you are on holidays? Hope to hear from you soon. Just wanted to say hello to you. Few weeks gamble free again for me, still fighting, still holding on to the hope that one day i might make it too. What an amazing journey you have had my fellow Aussie.
      I really hope things are good for you today
      Chubbycat

    • #23564
      kathryn
      Participant

      Unbelieveable……….CC I was going to post today, you must have read my mind.
      I’m so happy to read of your progress, you are doing great odaat! Ive had a lot going on and feel unsure of myself at the moment . I feel my recovery has been too far from my mind lately and I need to bring it back to the forefront and do a bit of work on myself.
      I am about to embark on a new job, I haven’t told my boss yet and I am quietly terrified, I don’t like having to do things like this,, its more complicated than me just leaving and I’m expecting a bit of backlash. It makes me feel nauseous and I’m dreading the thought of the next month.
      I have been a bit of a party animal the last 2weeks. I am not a drinker usually, I’m not sure if I’m feeling a little freer these days but I’ve had a few too many much to the disgust of my husband. I tend to be a binger so for that reason I am abstaining for quite a while. I did have a cigarette on Saturday night and I think that scared the hell out of me. I have always believed that if I have 1 I’m a goner, 1 cigarette, one dollar in a machine and I’ll be straight back into it. What scares me is that I was able to have a smoke and be OK, not want another one. I don’t want to think that its OK. I am so fearful of going back there. I don’t think I trust myself. I don’t know what I think…lol.
      Anyway, just a small check in, I’m still here, reading, I’m finding it hard to find my words lately.
      Take care my friends,
      K xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23565
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning K,
      good to see your post. It has been forever since we’ve had a catch up. Sounds like a bit of a fright IS in order! You def do not want to go back to smoking, you don’t want to have to go through that all again. And, those pounds that we gain quitting, you’d get them again. Yes I’m trying to use scare tactics! Have you known for the past couple weeks about the job situation? Maybe you aren’t feeling freer, maybe its a coping mechanism. Much the same as gambling used to be a coping mechanism. Remind me to email you the step 1 question document. I’m wondering if you may need to have a looksee 🙂 Now, congrats on the new job!!! I know the old one was stressing you out so hopefully this will be much saner. Have a great evening and we’ll catch up someday!
      Laura

    • #23566
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I am glad that you are back and looking for support at an unsettling time for you – it shows how far you have come in yur recovery and is not a reflection on any lack of trust in it – you are using the tools. 
      I suspect that peace has entered your life over the gamble-free years and this coming month threatens confrontation. I cannot ‘do’ confrontation and avoid it whenever possible so I do understand    I think you are worried that you are not in a good place because of a cigarette and a few too many drinks and that bad things from your past could come and bite you, so I hope to see you posting regularly.
      If confrontation comes my way I do not have an addiction eager to destroy mhy life, cigarettes are definitely a thing of the past and I haven’t ever answered a problem with a drink yet – which I hope doesn’t make me sound thoroughly prissy .   it doesn’t mean that confrontation doesn’t do things to my head and my heart that really hurt me.
      You are starting a new job and leaving a job behind. Your boss and those you work with will possibly feel you are thinking you can do better than them.   They might well say cruel things, blame you for any failures within the system because they are stuck in the job, whereas you have made a different choice. You are not moaning – you have taken a golden opportunity for ‘you’ to be happier.  As a CG I think you could take things more personally but any backlash will be about them – not about you.  The dragonfly is leaving the pond and wants to fly free – great. 
      Never forget, if there is a backlash, that you have made a choice to be happier and in one small month you will be gone – they won’t be.   Keep the goal in site, take one day at a time and the month will pass.  
      Don’t just ‘think’ that one dollar in a machine will be all it takes to activate your soul destroying addiction – ‘know’ it.   Cigarettes are one thing – gambling is another.   Watch the drink because it lowers your inhibitions and can remove barriers that you have taken such care to erect.  
      To maintain trust in yourself – keep talking as the month progresses – watch your behaviour and don’t take the problems of others on to yourself.
      You do know what you think Kathryn – so listen to yourself and stay close to the site.   I will look for you every day. 
      Velvet   
       

    • #23567
      kathryn
      Participant

      What a beautiful morning,
      Its 6.30 am and I’ve been sitting on my balcony watching a huge flock of pelicans fly by. I am not a bird watcher. It was lovely having that peaceful moment, today is the day im resigning and I feel sick about it. I have to do it and I will but it doesn’t make me feel any less nervous.
      Anyway, must go get ready, I’ll keep you posted, hope you are all well and happy,
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23568
      finding_laura
      Participant

      How did it go?

    • #23569
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well all the worry is gone, a new chapter is begining, I have resigned. I’m relieved, my boss was fine, shocked but fine. I’m working all weekend so I’ll be busy and I don’t want to leave work with anything unfinished.
      Thanks Laura, for asking!
      Love k xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23570
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi kathryn
      How often we worry about thumthing and it is not ath bad ath you thought it was going to be – said she who hath juth been to the dentist and can’t drink anything without pouring it down her front.
      V

    • #23571
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi kathryn
      How often we worry about thumthing and it is not ath bad ath you thought it was going to be – said she who hath juth been to the dentist and can’t drink anything without pouring it down her front.
      V

    • #23572
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      So pleased it worked out well for you. That is fantastic news. When do you start the other job?
      Chubbycat

    • #23573
      vera
      Participant

      Have you discovered WHY you found it so difficult to hand in your resignation Kathryn?
      Good luck with your new job. Life goes on!

    • #23574
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      CC, i start on the 5th November, Vera, i simply dont like confrontation, simple as that, and the fact that one of my bosses is a little ‘unstable’…….she turned out the be the most understanding of them all!
      Love K xxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23575
      bonkers
      Participant

      good luck katherine with new job,hpoefully when you start in november,you will be stress free.
      good luck for future BONKERSOnwards and upwards

    • #23576
      twilight16
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn,
      You are too sweet! You make me smile and I am honored to know you. I can’t believe that it has been almost three years since you wrote back on one of my first posts. So much has happened and through it all we both managed to make it through. You on your recovery and mine. Part of my recovery was writing Please Girl, though it was hard I knew I had to finish it. Still I will never be fully recovered but I am at a much better place in my life, thanks to friends here and YOU.
      XXXTwilight
       
       (I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23577
      kathryn
      Participant

      Morning all,
      Sunday morning, i SHOULD be in bed and yet, im  sitting here drinking coffee. .. I am having a terrible time with my sleep at the moment and if you know me you would know that sleeping is the thing i do best.  I can sleep anywhere, anytime…..so why am i waking up/sleeping poorly?  Hopefully it will pass.
      I am working today, im doing a 10 day straight stint.  Normally i wouldnt be too happy but next Saturday my annual shopping trip is on and all the extra $$$ will come in very very handy indeed!!!!!  We leave at 6.30am, its a massive day and i love every minute of it..lol.
      No other news for me this week, boring boring (not that im complaining!)
      Take care, K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23578
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear ((kathryn))! I wanted to post on your thread because I wanted to thank you for your support and encouragement over the past almost 22 months. You inspire me as you are such a nice caring person. You’ve done incredibly well on your recovery journey. I hope to be a "Kathryn" and will endeavor to do so, a day at a time. Carole

    • #23579
      sherry123
      Participant

      It’s great to hear you’re taking your extra money and going shopping!  Getting something for all the days of hard work is the way it’s supposed to be.  Money well spent.  Hope you had a fabulous time shopping.

    • #23580
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn

      Dear Dear Larry, … … …
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
       
      Good afternoon Kathryn,
      I am truly grateful for your reply to my post telling of my recent "adventures" in life; your words and the kindness expressed only shows the type of person that you have become in your journey as well. We here are all good people combating a disease that can easily control our lives and people like you gives us the inspiration to carry on.
      We may start out believing that we are as stated in GA literature, one of the "many compulsive gamblers that thinks of themselves as morally weak, or at times just plain ‘no good’ ", but we steadily leave that thought behind as we learn that we are actually good people with a sickness, and that we can suppress that illness and learn to control our actions and lessen the power that gambling has over us. Nevertheless at times, like in my last episode, this may prove to be more of a challenge then we hope for or can handle, but I believe that we can still overcome if we ‘keep on keeping on".
      The quote that you use in your postings says a lot about our lives and our recovery; life is a great adventure made up of countless individual ones. Ones that we enjoy and appreciate, and some that we regret or pine and suffer over; but each one is part of life as a whole, each day makes the adventures that Peter Pan sees as being Life itself our own life. A life that is worth living and one that is worth the efforts and striving we do to make it a better and more normal one. We can become “the best there ever was!” by living each adventure and keeping faith; “The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” ~ Peter Pan — the same goes for recovery, we should not doubt that either. 
      God’s speed.
      p.s. As for your not being able to sleep, you had this problem some time ago and recovered; try looking back for the reasons then and the thing that you did to overcome it.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23581
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I want to hear about that shopping spree and new job. Things sound like they are falling into place for you. So pleased. Things are suprisingly really going well for me too. Have a good day my fellow Aussie, thinking of you.
      Chubbycat
      Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

    • #23582
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathyrn just wondering how you are going and cant wait to hear about your new job. I better get off here now too or i will be late for work eeeeekk
      Chubbycat

    • #23583
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hiya CC,
      I am working my last week at my current job and have a 2 week break in between so not much to tell at the moment.  I will post when i have more news.
      Life goes on, and im just going along with it…..sad to read of some relapses here, a little scary too, seeing that it really can happen to anyone.  Just proves that we can never let that addiction creep back in.
      Hope all is well in your world, so happy to read you are gamble free,
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23584
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Thanks Kathryn
      Glad you have a bit of a break in between jobs. Do all you can in that time to get some time in for yourself. I know it is scary reading the relapses, i somehow think anyone with time up is safe. Anyway miss, have a good day and i hope to chat to you sometime soon
      Chubbycat

    • #23585
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hiya Kathryn
      I’m still here, can you believe it??? I cant. Working lots, eating lots, living lots compared to what i was doing. Hope to have a chat one of these days soon
      Chubbycat

    • #23586
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good evening,
      So tommorow is my last day of work, then 2 weeks to enjoy before starting the new job.  Im getting excited at the prospects there.
      My daughter left for Bali yesterday.  I was so excited for her, and im so pleased that we were able to send her for her 21st birthday present.  I truly hope she has a wonderful time, shes already starting posting on facebook and shes only been there for a day!!!!!
      Im pretty content at the moment, its a nice feeling.  I feel like im finding the peace i have craved for so long.
      Take care my friends, stay safe,
      K xTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23587
      sherry123
      Participant

      Good for you Kathryn!  You deserve peace and a good life.  I love hearing the rewards life has to offer to those that stop gambling!  Sherry

    • #23588
      twilight16
      Participant

      Kathryn,
      You are so very welcomed! You will always have a special place in my heart.
      XXXTwilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23589
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Nice post. Thats fantastic that you were able to send your girl to bali. She will love it. So glad to hear you feel that peace. I am feeling it too and never thought it possible. Cannot wait to hear of your new job. im working lots these days too and really loving it. it is so good not to live in my head all the time. Have you stated yet?
      Hey i am going to buy an exercise dvd, think of you and the zumba classes every time i think of it. Hope you are well and happy today
      Chubbycat

    • #23590
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Nice post. Thats fantastic that you were able to send your girl to bali. She will love it. So glad to hear you feel that peace. I am feeling it too and never thought it possible. Cannot wait to hear of your new job. im working lots these days too and really loving it. it is so good not to live in my head all the time. Have you stated yet?
      Hey i am going to buy an exercise dvd, think of you and the zumba classes every time i think of it. Hope you are well and happy today
      Chubbycat

    • #23591
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Nice post. Thats fantastic that you were able to send your girl to bali. She will love it. So glad to hear you feel that peace. I am feeling it too and never thought it possible. Cannot wait to hear of your new job. im working lots these days too and really loving it. it is so good not to live in my head all the time. Have you stated yet?
      Hey i am going to buy an exercise dvd, think of you and the zumba classes every time i think of it. Hope you are well and happy today
      Chubbycat

    • #23592
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      So, interesting times at the moment.  Firstly i have started my new job, it was ok, its very quiet and ive pretty much done what i can in terms of stock etc so im not sure what im going to do today!!! The people i work with are very nice so thats something although the receptionist is only 18 so as you can imagine we only have so much in common!
      Its my home life that has my eyebrows raised at the moment,  My husband has been gambling.  He has been gambling quite a lot in fact.  He has the delusions of grandeur, not to win money but to flash money around although im sure winning does have something to do with it. He has been going down to the local pub and has been at ‘my’ venue quite a few times with his brother and his friends.  We have discussed it, i asked him why he was needing to gamble and he said he didnt know.  I have decided that if it continues i will take his debit card off him. 
      While i dont think he is compulsive, i think this needs to be addressed.  My addiction was/is slot machines, he likes a ‘little’ bet on the horses.  In saying that, i feel that all too familiar flutter in my stomach beginning to return.  I dont like that feeling.  Him gambling and coming home to tell me all about it makes me uncomfortable to say the least.   He is honest about it, i can access all accounts and believe me i have checked.  He is truthful about what he spends but i have said that this cant continue to which he agrees.  So we shall see.
      As for me, i remain watchful and aware of my feelings and thoughts at the moment.  Im not willing to risk my recovery. 
      Take care,
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23593
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just my Two cents worth hehe. I have to say i think its pretty unthoughtful of hubby to go gambling and tell you of it considering what you have been through. I cant believe he would do that still… i remember you said a while back he did it every now and then. I think its totally unsupportive given the circumstances.
      You have done such an awesome job of staying gamble free. You should be so proud of yourself and you offer members here such great advice too. Dont let this bring you down chicky and so glad your new job is ok and that the people there are nice. Im on your side, the hubbys in the bad books today.
      Chubbycat

    • #23594
      kathryn
      Participant

      Vera,
      If someone had taken my debit card i dont know what i would have done……i do know one thing, and so do you my friend…….NO MONEY = NO GAMBLING!!!!!!!!!!!!
      I havent taken his debit card, but i will if i have to. 
      I do not believe that he is a compulsive gambler, in saying that, i will not tempt fate.  We have talked about it, there is no hiding as far as i can see, and i have looked…….hard!
      The post was more about me Vera, and less about him.
      Lets get real.  Life happens.  I cant be wrapped in cotton wool and i wont be.  As i said, i will not become complacient,i will not allow ANYONE to risk my recovery and i will do what ever necessary to ensure that.  
      I have worked too damn hard to get here and as far as im concerned there is no going back for me….ever!
      As for the job, there really isnt much to say.  It is so quiet there, ive done all i can to set up.  The owner is a bit tight fisted so i dont have a lot to work with.  I cant see myself settling there.  It will do for now.
      CC, thanks for posting, i am so blessed to have you in my corner, thank you xxxx
      Take care K xxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23595
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Hi Kathryn
      I read your post last night and saw it was more about you than your husband, although I was really narked that your husband is being so bloomin’ thoughtless and unkind.   If he isn’t compulsive he is certainly showing extremely poor taste in his choice of pleasure.
      I am relieved to today to hear the positivity in today’s post.   I am glad you appreciate how hard you have worked and how much you deserve more than this. You and your gamble-free life are far too important to risk because of the selfishness of another.
      Has he ‘any’ idea of what you have been through – it doesn’t sound like it?  
      I have told you before that I will never gamble again on anything and not because my CG asked me not to. He has always said that he has no problem with other people gambling who can walk away but accepts that he cannot.   I want to stand shoulder to shoulder with such a person.
      I have an uncomfortable thought that maybe your husband might want you back on the roller–coaster of addiction.   When I was in Gamanon, some people said they ‘missed’ the gambler once their loved one had gone into recovery and personally I could have throttled them.   I appreciate that I don’t know your husband and I may be off the mark but I found in those I heard who wanted the return of the person in recovery to the person with the active addiction to be lacking.   I admired their CGs working their socks off down the corridor and I felt an immense sorrow that they were not getting the support they deserved.  
      You know I cannot tell you what to do but I hope you can be incredibly strong with this and let your husband know that his behaviour is at the very least selfish and borders on the cruel and nasty which could, if he is not careful, result in the breakdown of his relationship with you.
      Don’t worry about the job not being up to expectations at the moment, you have enough on your plate and you can get another.   Marriages are not so easy to change but by crickey I think your husband has some changing to do.  
      I’m in your corner and I know it is packed.  His corner must be sadly lacking.  When the bell rings – just give me 5 minutes with him!
      Take care of you Kathryn – you are very precious to so many on this site
      V    
       

    • #23596
      female g
      Participant

      Keep on him to help him realize the dangers. Let him know he is playing with fire. Does he not remember how difficult recovery was for you or are you somewhat like me and many of us, we took on looking after this addiction pretty much without our husbands being involved. He is happy in his marriage right now? His he throwing this at you because he resented your gambling days? When we started gambling weren’t we escaping  from our dissatisfied lifestyles at the time. Look deeper to see if there is something behind all this.G

    • #23597
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Kathryn)))! In June, 2009, you posted that your husband said he would support you in any way he could with your recovery. Maybe you need to remind him of that. Some of us can identify the time we slipped across that invisble line into compulsive gambling and some of us can’t. For me it was the second time I gambled. Your husband is playing with fire, and he could be headed to becoming a cg. Why not ask him to support you in your recovery by not gambling? I really hope he can do that for you and for himself. Carole

    • #23598
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hiya Kathryn
      Whats happening? Thought i would say hello and see how you are going. Hope all has settled down with hubby now re the gambling. I really hope your new job is going great too. Just thinking of you and hoping all is well my friend.
      Chubbycat
      Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

    • #23599
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Morning Kathryn
      Having my coffee before work and just popping in again to say hi to you. Its very warm weather lately isnt it. Phew. Need air conditioning in a big way.
      Have a good day K,
      Chubbycat

    • #23600
      sherry123
      Participant

      It seems so odd that it’s hot in Australia when it’s winter and cold here in the US.  See how little I know, I thought it would be winter everywhere in December.  Wish I could trade you some weather.

    • #23601
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Kathryn)))! I thought I would bring you to the top of page one, as I see you haven’t posted since November 20th, right around the time your husband was gambling more often than your comfort zone. I hope things are well with the both of you. According to some of the Oz people who post here, you people are melting there, even in the shade. Carole  

    • #23602
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Carole,. 
      Thanks for bringing me back to the top.  Im not sure whats happening with my husband.  He went away on the weekend, he gambled, he has been avoiding me and hasnt spoken about it and he knows i know.  I did say to him ‘do i need to be worried’, and he said no.
      I will bide my time and keep my eyes open, maybe he is right, i cant tell right now.  I do have access to the bank accounts so i can keep an eye on the balance there.  Thats about all i can do for now.
      It has been super hot here, Saturday was almost 40c.  I took the boys to an amazing water park with my friend and her children and we had a great day.  I even got brave and went down the waterslide with my son…..and screamed the whole way down!!! 
      Im ready for Christmas which is such a relief.  I remember many many years where i had no money for presents and my children really didnt get much.  I also remember them always being grateful for what they did get (bless them).  It is lovely to be able to get them some great presents (dont get me wrong, i still bargain hunt!) and i know they are going to love them, i tend to go a little over board but i dont care, i get a lot of joy from seeing their faces, it makes me feel good.
      I hope all is well in your life, i must go and get ready for work,
      Thanks again, K xxxx
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan– 9/12/2012 7:53:22 PM: post edited by Kathryn.

    • #23603
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Nice to see you posting… Hope all goes ok with hubby. It would be hard to know but i guess the main thing is you are watching the money, that would be the biggest sign i guess.. Hope your new job is going well, are you enjoying it. Im just having a coffee and getting ready for work, well i will be in five mins when i get off here ha ha. Hope all goes well K
      Chubby
      Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

    • #23604
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey K,
      lucky you, it’s Friday night there and the weekend has begun! Getting ready for work, hope this day goes fast. Catch you over the weekend hopefully! Laura

    • #23605
      sherry123
      Participant

      Kathryn, that’s wonderful that you enjoyed the water park with your kids.  I’m sure they’ll always remember it too.  Christmas is stressful enough without throwing gambling losses into the mix.  I’m so happy that you’re enjoying the Christmas season this year.

    • #23606
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hello my friends,
      I cant believe Christmas is almost here…..i always think back to when i was gambling, Christmas was my worst time, i would be there every chance i got, trying to win money, never winning enough, if at all.  The sick feeling of leaving the venue, no money, realising that the kids would not be getting much, how could i do that to my children, only to go back the next day and do it all over again. 
      I remember one year saying that my purse had been stolen out of my car so that my mum would give me money.  She did of course, poor Kathryn, someone stole all her money and she had heaps in that purse……..and me, crying, making everyone feel so sorry for me, poor me……
      Of course, the money she gave me went straight back into those machines.  I remember the feeling of relief….i have more money to gamble.  It never entered my head, for one second, to use that money for anything else. 
      So, fast forward.
      This year my presents are wrapped.  This year my bills are paid and i have food in the cupboard.  This year im so excited about Christmas and cant wait. 
      This year i am free.
      I wish you all a wonderful Christmas.  For those that are struggling,  do not give up hope.  Do not give up on yourself, keep trying, keep working at it because a gamble free life is possible. Freedom is possible.  Life, is possible.
      Merry Christmas, stay safe,
      Love K xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23607
      icandothis
      Participant

      Thank you, Kathryn.  I so want to believe in a life free from all my addictions!  Merry Christmas to you!!!

    • #23608
      twilight16
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Who would have thought I could have a real friendship with someone in cyberspace, but I here I am writing you dear friend. This is jut shows that impossible can happen. Your support from the years, especially as one of the first who reached to me will always be remembered. Those days were terribly frightening but they are in the past. I smiled as I read how your presents are wrapped, bills are paid and how there is food in the cupboard. It truly is the simple things that make us happy and others around us.
      Your recovery will always be the greatest gift to your children and family. You are an amazing woman and I take joy in reading your updates.
      Merry Christmas to YOU and your family.
      Twilight
       (I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23609
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      … This year my presents are wrapped.  This year my bills are paid and i have food in the cupboard.  This year im so excited about Christmas and cant wait … 
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning my friend,
      It is good to live in a "Christmas present" with the ghost of Christmases past behind us; and to look forward to the Christmases yet to come instead of carrying the same regrets into the future. Recovery is truly one of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves, and to our families.
      Thanks for letting me and others share in your adventures of life and the knowledge that you have gained living them.  Wishing you and yours a Very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
      God’s speed.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23610
      chubbycat
      Participant

      Merry Christmas Kathryn
      Hope its a fantastic one, loved the christmas past and today that you told.. today i have given great gifts too to my family and friends and today my best present is being gamble free…
      have a gread day K
      Chubby

    • #23611
      bettie
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn,
      My oh my, what a Christmas suprise!
      Thank you for my lovely card-Right on time too!
      Merry Christmas to you and yours-and many blessings for the New Year!
      bettie

    • #23612
      icandothis
      Participant

      Kathryn,  Thank you for your kind words on my thread.  I hope you had a Merry Christmas, too! 

    • #23613
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      Well i had the most wonderful Christmas, apart from the kids getting up at 5.30am……!!!!
      The weather was amazing, the food, devine, the company, well, i couldnt have asked for better.  I was very spoilt and had a really lovely day.
      Today is my mothers birthday.  She is 82.  Me and my 2 sisters went to her place armed with lunch and cake.  I have been trying to take lots of video and photos of my mammy.  She has alzheimers.  Im not sure if this will be the last Christmas  and birthday i have with ‘my’ mum.  The thought of that breaks my heart.  Her memory has really deteriorated in the last 6 months.  Of course its day by day with her and in reality she is so funny with what she says.  At the moment she knows she forgets but we can laugh about it.
      She asked me not long ago what was going to happen when she didnt know who i was.  I said ‘dont worry Mum, i know who you are!  I cant imagine my mum not knowing who i am,  it is something i have trouble dealing with as i love this woman so so much.  She is a wonderful mother and i am so blessed to have her.  She is physically very healthy apart from back pain and her family have a very healthy history and longevity.
      This is a reality i dont want to face.  I am absoultely making the most of every day with her. Still, its hard not to think about the future. I know it is not going to be ok.
      So, for today i will not think of the bad and sad.  I will think of my gorgeous mum and smile.  Happy Birthday Mammy.
      Hope you are all well,
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23614
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      … Today is my mothers birthday …
      … So, for today i will not think of the bad and sad.  I will think of my gorgeous mum and smile.  Happy Birthday Mammy.

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Please relate my best wished to your mother on her birthday, you have made us part of your family here so I feel good in joining in on celebrating her 82 years of experiencing the adventures of life. I also will take this time to wish you and yours a Happy New Year, even if entering into it holds some sadness alone with the more gorgeous thoughts.
      Also, I am sorry to here about her illness and the strain that it is having on you. You are in a better position to know about the medical findings of alzheimer’s, and I have only been acquainted with others where their loved ones has endured this disease, and have not had to deal with it in a more personal way.  But in hearing about the memory losses, I in my strange way see it as more of a concern that we face than such a realistic one for them.
      Other than the serious dangers of forgetting about harmful things, or about taking medicine or care of ourselves, and also the aggravation of trying to remember something that we are not able to in such an extreme way, I believe that when caught up in that world of complete forgetfulness, they are finding and experiencing a different contentment or even some happiness that we can not, something that they will never be able to express or us imagine. When they are outside our world and earthly thoughts, and the values and restrictions we place on life, they are in God’s hands and using His knowledge and ways.  The only thing left for us is to do like you said, is to know them even if they do not know or recognize us; to show them love, and provide for comfort, safety, and relief for any pain.  Sorry if I might come across as being indifferent to your feelings, concerns, or any medical training and knowledge, I only mean to offer a brighter look at this time of emotional and sensitive dealings with the trials and adversities of life. We are all in God’s hands, at His Mercy, and living in His Grace.
      God’s speed. My prayers and thoughts are with you and her.
       LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23615
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Kathryn)))! it is so nice to hear that you have such a loving relationship with your mother. Alzheimer’s is such a cruel disease, especially in the later stages. That’s a lovely response you gave your mother when she was worried about what would happen when she didn’t know who you would be, due to the progression of the disease. It is difficult not to be concerned as to how this disease will progress for your mother, so I wanted to share a little story with you about my MIL’s passing. She died of pulmonary fibrosis. We all expected her passing to be traumatic, with her gasping for air. It didn’t happen that way at all. She died peacefully, not gasping for air. Family were sitting in her room chatting and then someone noticed that she had died. A lot of things happen in ways that are different than we can imagine. Enjoy your mother, one day at a time. You have been truly blessed to have had such a loving mother. Carole 

    • #23616
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you Larry and Carole,
      Larry, you are right,  I like to think that when the time comes my mothers mind will take her to a place where she was at her happiest, where she feels comfortable and safe.  She is a frightened woman, she always has been and i think that will get worse before it gets better.  So, its my job to ensure that she feels love at all times, and i will do anything i can to give that to her. 
      Carole, i am truly blessed, of the 5 of us siblings (one has passed) i know that i have had the best of her, we have laughed till we cried, i have curled up on her lap like a baby and she has comforted me in my hardest times, we have just sat in silence, enjoying being with each other.  I bought her a tea cup for christmas, the best mum in the world, and she is that to me.  I dont know what tomorrow will bring, and yes, i will take it one day at a time.
      So, for many of you i will hit 2013 before you!!!  Wierd isnt it?  I am going to my sisters for a party, the weather is going to be magnificent, i did all my shopping yesterday to avoid the New Years rush.  Im really looking forward to it, it will be a fun night.
      For those of you that remember, i once had a big spider living in my car.  Well, i think its offspring has come to take its revenge…..eeeeeeek.  I screamed all the way home from my mums yesterday when it ran across my windscreen, they terrify me.  I have made hubby take it for a drive this morning, just to make sure it doesnt pop up again.  I HAVE to believe that it has left because otherwise i wont get back in it!!!! LOL
      So my friends, i wish you all a Happy New Year.  No resolutions for me,  too much of a commitment!!!  I cant look that far ahead, i would like to say that i have plans for 2013, my debt will be paid and we can finally put our plans into action.  I cant wait. 
      Have a wonderful night,  Happy New Year.  Stay safe my friends.
      Love ,K xxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23617
      sherry123
      Participant

      Happy New Year to you too Kathryn!  Congratulations on getting your debt paid.  What a fantastic accomplishment. Sorry about your mom.  My mom’s mother had alzheimers but nobody really recognized it 25 years ago like they do now.  My mother was hurt when her mother didn’t recognize her immediately or thought she was a sales person when she came to the door.  I’m glad you know what’s going on with your mom so you know what to expect.  You have a lot of wonderful memories with your mom and that’s something you can tell her about.  My grandmother would look in wide eyed wonder as we told her stories of the past. Her husband reminded her that I was Marilyn’s daughter Sherry and grandma got so excited as she exclaimed ‘Marilyn has TWO daughters named Sherry!" We laughed and so did she.  Anyway, Kathryn, I hope your time left with your mother brings more joy.  She is very lucky to have someone that loves her so much.
       

    • #23618
      chubbycat
      Participant

      So sorry to hear of your mum K.. i can see you are doing all you can for her right now and i am sure she appreciates the support. You should be so proud of yourself clearing up your debt this year. That is super fantastic for you. What a great accomplishment. How is your new job going? Do you like it? I hope you have some nice co workers.
      Anyway glad you were going to your sisters for new years. I am sure you had a hoot!!! Have a great first day to the year K
      Chubby

    • #23619
      kathryn
      Participant

      HI All,
      Its been a while since my last post. 
      Ive been basically working, working, working.  It is picking up which is great and im really enjoying working just the 4 days, its lovely to have an extra day at home to do all my work and then i really feel like i am having a weekend.
      All the family are well,  ive had a few issues with my husband gambling, he is spending a lot of time with his brother and a few friends that like to have a punt and when he does this he becomes someone i dont like, screaming at the tv, swearing and being basically unbearable.  I spoke to him about it yesterday, i told him i was worried about him, about what betting does to him.  Of course, i didnt get a straight answer, he blew me off.  Funny how life works, the shoe is on the other foot.  Im not sure what to do next, except to wait it out.   
      Im off for my yearly tennis trip with my sister next week, something i always look forward to, we have such a lovely time.  My sister is also my friend, and im blessed to have her in my life.  We spent an hour and a half today talking about it, who we will see, what we are wearing…lol.  Like anyone cares! 
      Gambling, not an issue at the moment….(with me anyway!)  It still amazes me that i found the time. I still keep up with everything here, every day.  It keeps my feet on the ground and my mind where it needs to be.
      I hope you are all well and happy,
      Love K xTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23620
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi K: Nice to see your post and to see that you are still living life to the fullest. When I first read about your hubby, I was a bit alarmed because I thought it might trigger you. Thankfully, you are well into recovery, so you seem quite safe. I mention this because on both occasions that I went to counselling and had some months under my belt, my hubby was the one who triggered me to go back. While he played infrequently and much less money than I did, just having him playing poker and watching it on tv set me off. Over the last months of 2012, we both were into it pretty regularly. I gave him a talking to in November and he stopped cold. Unfortunately, I broke our pact to not gamble and went a few more times. I realize that perhaps if I had more time gamble free, it may not have been an issue for me. He has stopped completely and I am now working towards the same goal. It’s clear that he is not a cg, I’m still trying to accept the fact that I’m broken and he’s not. Hope things level out with your hubby. Have a gorgeous time at your annual tennis meet. It sounds like so much fun. Love, RG

    • #23621
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn
      … ive had a few issues with my husband gambling, he is spending a lot of time with his brother and a few friends that like to have a punt and when he does this he becomes someone i dont like, screaming at the tv, swearing and being basically unbearable … 
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      It is good to hear from you, and it has not been that long, just different than the first more different reports.  Enjoy your tennis trip, and be thankful that your husband wont be on the sidelines betting for are against you turning a good time into a "business" dealing so to speak.  Hopefully one day, and that it is before him crossing the line of "normal" gambling and compulsive gambling, he will realize that he is no longer enjoying the game, but, as a member of my group says, that he has digressed to only "watching his money being kicked up and down the field". At that time he can start enjoying the sport as you do and only have to deal with the adrenalin of the action and adventure, and not the frustration that causes the screaming and swearing. It might not ever get to the point that you will want him on the sidelines of your tennis court, but his being able to just watch and enjoy the games will make him less unbearable.
      God’ speed. Stay strong.
      Love (a term that in this case also applies to what your may be wanting your sister’s score to be).LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23622
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Kathryn)))! That has to be hard for you, having fought your gambling demons, and then to see your husband possibly headed towards the same devastating path you were on. I know that you said you were monitoring the finances, and as you know, there are many ways to access money if a person feels they "need" to gamble, such as applying for credit cards, secret post office boxes, payday loans, etc. I sincerely hope that your husband will come to his senses soon, and realize that he is creating stress for you by gambling, when you are committed to a gamble free lifestyle. I feel for you (((Kathryn))). Carole

    • #23623
      icandothis
      Participant

      (((Kathryn)))  Your post to Razzabelle touched me deeply.  Forgiving ourselves is the hardest part of recovery..at least for me.  God uses us..brokeness and all.  You were there for your sister when she needed you.  You have regrets, but the truth is that you were there for your sister.  It may not look like that from your perspective, but it did from your sister’s, and God used you warts and all.  I remember about 4 years ago, my brother called me and said that if I wanted to see my father again, I should get there soon.  Like you, it’s not like I hadn’t seen my father, or been there for him or my mother as much as I possibly could.  It’s just that I was coping with it all by gambling.  Like we talked about…I wasn’t 100 percent present…the truth (unlike with the times with my daughter, i didn’t want to be)   Ureka, we have to be willing to be present for all of it … the good, the bad, and the ugly!
      Anyway, I stopped to gamble and arrived at the trailer in the middle of the night. Of course, feeling guilty and ashamed. When I arrived at our trailer, I saw a shadow in my brother’s trailer next door.  I had an uneasy feeling.  I recognized the shadow as my mother.   She didn’t usually stay with my brother, and I could tell something wasn’t right.  I entered my brother’s trailer and found my mother crying, disoriented, and in need of a bath.  I took care of my mother, and my brother and SIL were so grateful I was there when I was.  They never questioned why I arrived at 3:30 am.
      I dressed my mother up in her best clothes.  We spent the next day at the hospital with my father.  He made a short  miraculous recovery and asked me to feed him and was his old self.  He died the next day.  I said goodbye in the morning and then watched my daughter graduate from High School that night.  In between, I stopped to gamble.  I thought it was the only way I could  cope.  I was wrong, but still, God used me…brokeness and all!
         
       

    • #23624
      p
      Participant

      Hi there K
      Whats happening in your world today? Havent seen you online forever, hope we get to have a chat again one day
      P

    • #23625
      kathryn
      Participant

      HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY!!! (also known as ‘Straya’ day, we like to shorten everything!)
      I had a lovely day, a fantastic lunch with a couple of girlfriends, at a restaurant with a view to die for, then grocery shopping, not so fun but necessary and then home to clean clean clean, not as much fun but satisfying!!!
      Im going to a party tomorrow,at my besties brothers, they are having a band so it should be great fun.
      Im just about off to bed, the cricket is on, ugh, and im a little tired, its enough to put anyone to sleep!!!!!!
      Hope you are all well, P, we defenitely need a catch up girl…..
      Love to you all,
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23626
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, there is a massive light at the end of my tunnell…….i rang the accountant this week, to find out just how much we owe on our debt.  Instead of having the debt paid off at the end of May, which was what i thought, and still amazing, it turns out that we will have the debt paid in 2 weeks…..2 WEEKS!!!!!
      It has taken almost 4 years to pay this debt, it was an unspoken in our house, it was something that just ‘is’ and  dutifully it was paid week in and week out.  Finally, it is over.  We have paid almost 30k, a deposit for a house, a round the world holiday, my whole house refurnished!!!!!
      I am so so proud.
      I am so so so relieved!
      That money is being put straight into a savings account, we have a holiday planned for later this year.  After that, saving for a deposit for our own home. 
      I feel like i am able to plan my future, at long last.
      Without gt and all my friends cheering me on i would have crawled under a rock and hid.   You have all had a hand in my recovery.
      I am open to the possibilities, of my and my family’s future and im ready.
      Love K xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23627
      neva
      Participant

      What wonderful news! Congratulations!  I am so happy for you.  To everyone who wants to know if recovery is really possible, you’re proof that it is.  May all  your dreams continue to come true!

    • #23628
      twilight16
      Participant

      Yes, it is a huge accomplishment and so deserving to such a wonderful person. You did it! The freedom you feel must be so liberating and empowering. I am in such admiration of you dear friend. Forties are looking to be the best years yet ??. Now you can really treat yourself. XXXTwilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

    • #23629
      vera
      Participant

      I AM banned from that casino Kathryn, but banning in Ireland means NOTHING unless you are personally known to the staff!

    • #23630
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Dear Kathryn,
      it seems absolutely forever since we have connected! Happy belated Straya day! I’m glad to stop by and catch up on your news. So if my calculations are correct it is 3 or 4 days until you will have your big loan payed off! Wohoooooooooooooooooo! I am currently labouring under my own “big” loan as you know, actually I have two 🙁 Slowly but surely over the last three years I have been faithfully making my payments. They were the cost of saving my home after I gambled us into major debt. Three more years to go! But as suggested I haven’t strapped myself to the point that I can’t enjoy some of the little things in life. By little I mean money for treats, a coffee budget, a take out budget, most recently a small trip. I am grateful for second chances. Take care my beautiful Aussie friend, the time change cannot come round fast enough for me! Till we connect again xo Laura

    • #23631
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Thanks for your post. Always makes me feel mushy. You should be so proud of you. Your debts paid, what an accomplishment for you. you have come such a long way. Always admire your courage and strength.
      P

    • #23632
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well i should feel relieved that the debt is paid but it seems i have less money than ever!!!!!! How on earth does that work?  A very quiet weekend for me, i have to go and get a birthday present for my sons friend for Sunday and i think ill do some baking (ugh) im not good at it but its cheaper than buying everything!
      I dont have a lot to report, my life is going along quietly, work, home, its been hot here so its pretty tiring and i dont  have a lot of energy.  We have a big holiday in July/August we are saving for, its pretty exciting as its the first overseas holiday for hubby and the boys, 10 days of bliss, i cant wait.  My friend is getting married, and i am in the wedding, so of course we are on the diet/health kick.  Every time i put a piece of fruit in my mouth, or im huffing and puffing doing my walk, i think of fiji…..lol.
      So, thats me for now, recovery is going along fine, still keeping my awareness up which is important for me, no sliding backwards.
      Stay strong my friends,
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23633
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Sometimes quiet is good.  Sounds like everything is going well for you.  Dont’ even mention diets-eating has been my complusion lately and I haven’t been exercising lately.  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23634
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Morning K,
      baking in the heat you’ve been having doesn’t sound like much fun, make sure you crank up the air conditioning! Quiet weekend planned for me as usual. Just checking in! Happy 200 pages on your journal by the way! Enjoy the rest of your weekend. xo Laura

    • #23635
      icandothis
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,  I just finished posting to Uncontrolled.  Thinking of his big splurge going to NYC.  I thought of you, too.  And now I am dreaming this morning, Kathryn.  Dreaming of being debt free…dreaming of saving money for a vacation.  Thinking of the times my husband and I have splurged on family vacations in the past without one regret.  Just dreaming of the day when we can once again take our money and splurge (kind of liking that word)  on something wonderful!
      Congratulations, Kathryn, and thank you! 

    • #23636
      p
      Participant

      Hiya K hows things, im on a bit of a posting frenzy today. Just like the old P hey. Hope things are going well for you today and would love to chat again soon, i really enjoyed our last chat.
      P

    • #23637
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn
      I only wanted to say that it has been far too long since I posted to you.   Never stop posting, you give so much, I love hearing about your life and you shine like a beacon on this site – who needs a compass when we have you?  

    • #23638
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you Velvet for bringing me back to the top, i actually thought there was something wrong with my computer as i couldnt login to the site, turns out my password needed resetting…..go figure!!!
      So, life is good, last night i took my son to see Kiss, Motley Crue and Thin Lizzy (for all you old rockers out there you will know who they are!!!)
      We had a great time although it finished rather late, well worth the money spent though!!!
      Im working, its getting busy now, we have a new girl starting today which will be good, the business is building up which is brilliant!
      Personal life, chuffing along, not to many dramas, as for my recovery, well its not a daily struggle, but i am always on my guard, ensuring any triggers may be kicked to the curb asap!!!!!
      I must sign off and do some work,
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      ROCK ON!!!!!!
      Kathryn xxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23639
      neva
      Participant

      After the drug filled 70’s, I’m surprised those rockers are still alive!  Glad you enjoyed the concert.  There are so many things to enjoy in life when gambling doesn’t interfere.  Thanks for sharing!  Sherry

    • #23640
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks Sherry,
      So stuff going on with hubby, poor thing, he has nothing, woah is me, i hate everybody, my life is sooooo hard.
      We are tiptoeing around this house, its making me crazy.  I dont know what is happening with him as his communication skills are…….non existent!
      Not sure how to tackle this one.  I do know that im not putting up with this for much longer.  Mid life crisis?  Gambling hangover? (im trying not to read too much into that as people tend to think im over reacting…..just because im a cg…blah blah blah!!!)
      He is bringing the mood down in this house.  Im tired of expecting that perhaps we could have a nice morning out (yesterday) only to have him sulk when we couldnt afford what he wanted and not speak for 2 hours….. made the grocery shop mighty uncomfortable!!!!
      Hes not blaming my addiction, we have been down that road and i said the next time would be the last. 
      Im tired.  I dont deserve this and neither do the kids.  There is going to have to be a showdown.  No amount of ‘talking’ is going to make 1 iota of difference.  I dont want to scream, its too exhausting.  If i cry, well, ill be labelled a sooky la la.  Ugh.
      What to do?
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23641
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I am sorry that you are going through a tough time with your Hubby.  You are a strong woman Kathryn.  Whatever decision you make, will be the right one for you and kids.  Take care of yourself too!!!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23642
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Thanks for posting to me. I hope that things get sorted with hubby soon, i think you are incredibly strong. i admire you. How you have come this far and faced this addiction head on. How your husband still gambles amazes me. After all you have been through with it. So good you took your boy to a rock concert. i remember you took your daughter to see Britney too. You are a good mum. You will be a good example to them now that you have come through addiction and out the other side smiling. I am still so glad we got to meet.
      P

    • #23643
      neva
      Participant

      Kathryn, I’ve always felt that most people who keep going to the casino will get sucked in to where gambling affects there life.  Some people think that only a small amount of us get addicted but I don’t feel that way.  Your husband needs to stop gambling, if he can, because it will only get worse. You know how irrational us gamblers are!  I don’t blame you for not wanting him bringing your family down. You’ve worked hard for your new life and you deserve peace and happiness.  Protect yourself and your kids.  I hope you can talk some sense into Dames (hope I got his name right) before he’s sucked in too far!  You’re a wonderful example for him to follow.

    • #23644
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Thank you for posting, Lizbeth, it means a lot to me, lovely P, i often think of our day out together, Neva, yes, you got his name right!!!!!
      So, not a lot to report, things have calmed down on the home front, proboably because i tend to let things go very quickly, im quick to temper, but also quick to get over things.  I did however get home tonight to a messy house (i worked overtime), no dinner and everyone asking what was for tea…..what the???? I said to Dames that i didnt live here on my own and i wasnt a single mother!!!
      I went and got take away for the boys and when i came back the washing was on and he was organising dinner.  So something sunk in!!!  Ill take what i can, i get tired of growling all the time and i dont think i should have to ask, but…..that was a very small minute of my day and really no biggie.
      We are going camping next weekend.  My sister in law and her family is scattering her fathers ashes up by the Murray river and it has sort of become a 2 day party (which her dad would love).  I havent slept in a tent for at least 15 years so that should be interesting.  The only bonus is that Dames has everything that opens and shuts due to his love of camping.  I am really looking forward to it, there will be about 70 people so it should be a good time.
      The week after that we make our annual trek to Daylesford with my sister and my mum for a week.  We go easter Tuesday and get home on the Saturday. If anyone remembers from last year i spent a week at the spa, something i am eager to repeat!!!
      Lastly we have booked our big holiday to Fiji at the end of July.  I booked the flights and i got an email yesterday saying that it had been cancelled and re booked for 2 days later…..hmmmm.  I called them and they said that they would put us up in a hotel with all meals supplied at their expense….SCORE!!! An extra 2 days for free, i love it.  Im not sure what the hotel will be like but we arent looking a gift horse in the mouth, who knows, that 2 days may just be amazing.
      So really, i had a bit more to report than i thought, talk about holidays!!!  Lots to look forward to, lots to save for, lots to organise……how could i possibly have time to even think of gambling!!!!  Mind you, small niggle the other night, quickly dismissed and didnt like that feeling, havent had an urge for a long time so it just shows that when i stress out that monster rears its ugly head looking for a feed…….
      Hope you are all well my friends…..
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23645
      neva
      Participant

      Wow!  Sounds like you have a lot of fun coming up.  You’re living the life you should live.  I bet you can’t imagine how you ever wasted time sitting in front of a slot machine when there is so much more to enjoy!  I love hearing about other people’s lives and what goes on in other Countries.  Your husband is a smart man to jump up and get into action when he knew you were mad. lol

    • #23646
      neva
      Participant

      I’m excited for you and your bicycle! A basket and a helmet…sounds like you’re styling to me.  I see a couple of older ladies riding an old fashioned bicycle on the roads close to our property.  I’ve thought about getting one too but not sure if I can still ride one. Is it true that you never forget how to ride a bike? Hope you had a wonderful ride.
       

    • #23647
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Sherry, we took the maiden voyage on Sunday night, roared laughing the whole way, whooped down the hills and puffed up them, sooooo much fun, i forgot just how much…..it is true, you never forget!!!!
      im busy at the moment, last weekend we went up to the Murray River camping, something i havent done for over 20 years, yep, a tent and everything!  I had a blast, where we stayed was absolutely magnificent, we are already planning our next trip up there this time next year.  I cant believe i waited this long to camp, i will, however be buying a new matress, i was walking like frankenstein on Sunday morning!!! Talk about stiff and sore!!!  It is amazing just how relaxed you can get when you have nothing to do but relax!!!  My tent was the palace and my bannana lounge the throne!!!!
      So easter is coming and im off for 4 nights to my lovely Daylesford that i go to every year with my family, im looking forward to more relaxation and spa attending!!!  We are on a tight budget so ill be doing a lot of things that dont cost a lot, there is a beautiful lake to walk around, feeding the ducks, enjoying the view and the fresh air, spending time with my family, especially my mum, im not sure how many Daylesford’s she has left so i must make the most of them. 
      Everything else in my world is ok.  Sure, there are problems, there are things i need to work on, we have a bit of pressure to save for the big trip in July, im getting nervous that we wont have enough money, i am fortunate though that my mind is not straying to gambling, i know it will just make the problems bigger.  My husband is still betting, i have managed to take the last access to cash that he has, well, he handed it to me,  so at least the accounts are safe.  I still am unsure just how bad he is, time will tell.  I love him and will do what i need to help him if it comes to that.
      Well, thats about all for now,
      Happy Easter my lovely friends,
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23648
      velvet
      Moderator

       
       
      Happy Easter to you too Kathryn
      I’m afraid that my cycle ride was not as successful as yours, after years of not being on a bike. I found an old bike, in the garage of a cottage in France when I was on holiday a couple of years ago. Having struggled up the hill, I was whooping it down when I realised the bloomin’ thing had no brakes!     I also know what it is like to walk like Frankenstein although for a different reason. Thank goodness for my Girl Guide First Aid badge. It didn’t have a saddle either – but that is a different story.  
      You have every reason to be whooping it up and as always your post was a joy to read. If Dames looks as though his betting is becoming a problem you know where F&F is and you are always welcome.  
      V

    • #23649
      neva
      Participant

      Sounds like you had a wonderful time biking.  Hope you have many more safe fun adventures. I saw a couple on TV who had been married for 75 years and they were asked what the secret was and they said ‘not falling out of love at the same time’. Guess as long as one of you are still working at your relationship then you have a good chance of making it work.  That made me think of you and Dames…not your marriage but with gambling.  As long as you both don’t slip into gambling at the same time, you’ll have the other to answer too.  I hope Dames is okay and that you have the strength to keep him from causing too much damage. I’m probably not making much sense in the comparisons but I hope you can figure out what I’m trying to say.  Enjoy your 4 days off for Easter…of course, I don’t need to tell you that!

    • #23650
      neva
      Participant

      Glad you had a wonderful vacation!  The idea of ‘lolling’ sounds relaxing.  That’s something that’s impossible when gambling is part of our lives.  You deserve every good thing you’re experiencing.  Hope you don’t get a culture shock when fixing dinner, doing laundry and other household tasks have to be done…just mentally go back to the feeling of a relaxing massage.  ahhh

    • #23651
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      Its been a long time between posts…………
      Unfortunately my computer charger is playing up so im typing with one hand while the other is holding the charger in place as hard as i can !!!!!
      Ive been good, busy. Lots happening but noyhing toooo dramatic, thankfully.
      I really just wanted you to know i havent disappeared, ill pop on when i can, if my charger behaves!!!!
      Take care my lovely friends……
      K xxxxx To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23652
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by kathryn
      … typing with one hand while the other is holding the charger in place as hard as i can !!!!! …
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
      Good morning Kathryn,
      Good to her from you and that "nothing too dramatic" is interfering with a more normal way of living.
      Computers can be troublesome at times, but thankfully we can fall back on non-technical remedies; even hear of Duct Tape?
      God’s speed. Stay strong.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23653
      kathryn
      Participant

      I can only access the site from my phone. I’m struggling today. Really struggling. An urge that I haven’t felt for a long time, I feel lost, desperate and terribly lonely. I’m empty inside and have no idea what I need, let alone how to find it. K xxx

    • #23654
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi K:  Hold on, my friend.  Hold on tightly.  You have made it through the most devastating of circumstances and you can do this now.  I don’t know why you’re hurting or why this urge is knocking you down at the moment, but no matter how crappy you’re feeling, just try to sit tight.  Urges (supposedly) typically last 30 minutes before you get some relief and start thinking logically.  Just know that this too shall pass and no amount of gambling will ever make you feel better.  I remember in my counselling sessions we were told to sit with the feelings.  Don’t try to mask it or make it better.  Just feel it, find the spot in you body where it is niggling away and observe it.  I know it sounds woo-woo but anything’s worth a shot right?  Your recovery is worth holding on with every fibre of your being.  Sending you strength and happy thoughts.  Love, RG

    • #23655
      bettie
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Sorry that you have that feeling but glad you posted about it.
      At this stage I go weeks and maybe months without urges and BAM, the thoughts hit. Sometimes it as simple as blow drying my hair and looking in the mirror, because that was one of the "games" my brain played to justify going to gamble. "If xxxx doesn’t call by the time I am done doing xxxx then I am going to the casino. I deserve a night out, no one cares, etc."
      This is a lousy disorder really. Sneeky b*stard!
      A urge will never hurt us-unless we act on it.
      Love ya K!!
      bettie

    • #23656
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn  … have no idea what I need, let alone how to find it.
      Good morning Kathryn,
      Not knowing how to find what we need, even if we have no idea what it is, is a little depressing but not all bad. In the past we all "knew" that we could find whatever it was in gambling, not you know that gambling is not the answer; the urges may be strong but they will pass, let your knowledge carry you pass the urge so that you can see the real problem you are struggling with today.
      In my last post a suggestion from there pops out to me in my reply now, not in the humor that surrounded it, but in a thought connected to that solution;  "thankfully we can fall back on non-technical remedies". In the beginning days of this topic, of your (new thread), you also felt a need, a need for extra help. The actions you took then, i.e. "i went to a g.a. meeting last night. It was good, i felt better when i left than when i walked in.  I just need the extra help so i’m taking It", might also be what you need now, it maybe the idea that is hidden, and the thing that will also help in the loneliness you feel. Sharing your problems and struggles with others again may give you the jolt and renewed outlook on your life that will get you past these times. Even going to a couple of meetings may be what is needed, and if not attending a GA meeting, getting back in touch with a counselor may provide similar help in your quest to live and to keep living gambling free a great adventure. 
      In closing I will use a quote that I found missing in this post of you reaching out, one that says a lot about our search for adventures, and the best way to find and enjoy them — "To live, (and for a CG, to live gambling free) that would be a great adventure" ~ Peter Pan 
      God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep active, do something.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23657
      janey
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      You are always welcome to access the helpline or even e-mail in for support if you are able.  I was glad to chat to you today and I have absolute faith in you.
      Kind Regards
      Janey

    • #23658
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Hang on and hold on tight, this will pass. You have managed years gamble free. The ban you have in place will keep you safe. No matter our time up there is always risk though. I would be proud to where you have got to, i struggle to get days let alone years. I think you have done so well in this recovery. Extras you could use at this time could be GA or counselling, or even just talking to a friend. Im around a lot online if you ever want to chat, usually early mornings.
      You can get through this K. It doesnt last
      P

    • #23659
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you all for your lovely replies,
      RG, I did hold on, with every fibre of my being…..of course the self exclusion ensured i could not enter, thankfully.  Im not sure how i would have fared otherwise!
      Larry, sweet Larry, i swear you are a mind reader.  I did actually think of attending a meeting, i so much as looked up the times and of course there was one that night, i will explain however why i did not attend further down this post.  You are right,  i needed immediate support, and the frustration of this computer was not helping matters.
      P, thank you.  i did manage to write a lengthy letter to a friend and poured my heart out on its pages.  I felt so much better afterwards, i feel so much better today in fact.
      So, during my urge i did the one and only thing i could do…….i went to bed.  I slept for 3 hours.  I was so tired, i have been exhausted lately so the sleep did me the world of good.
      Im feeling much more energized today, im still trying to work out what i need to do, but what i do know is that i will find it.  Eventually.
      Thank you all again, you are my champions,
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23660
      p
      Participant

      Have to put our little queen of GT back to the top, no going anywhere for you missy…. back to the top you go
      P

    • #23661
      velvet
      Moderator

       
      Dear Kathryn
      P is right – you are a queen in GT and I am so glad that you went to bed and slept rather than giving in to your urge.   Exhaustions plays havoc with out minds and I am pleased that you are rested.
      Share your workings out – it helps to push thoughts around.  
      You are a very special person and you deserve the best for having the courage to do what you have done.   Read back at some of your entries and remember the joy and peace your gamble-free life has brought to you and to everybody who reads your words.
      Thank you for fighting your urge.   I want you to know that when you do resist that terrible demon you give hope to every corner of this site.  
      You are one of my champions
      V

    • #23662
      vera
      Participant

      Kathryn, I hope you will work out what you need to do sooner rather than later. You know Life’s Issues will never be worked out in a casino! We all tried that method and failed miserably!
      I was startled when I read your post saying you were struggling with urges…I could visualise you spinning around with a phone in your hand with no one to reach out to. What a terrible place to be!
      Kathryn, could you close the thread you opened for me please. I want to start a new thread next month. May 2008 was my starting date here. Five years "wasted". I have to get going for real this time.

    • #23663
      neva
      Participant

      Kathryn, I was surprised to read that you had urges but so happy that you didn’t act on them!  Is your husband still gambling?  It’s hard having someone close to you talking about gambling because it starts the thoughts going.  My mom does that so I know what it does.
      How are you doing now?  I hope the urges were squashed as life goes on. 
       

    • #23664
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Ms K:  It’s been a while since I’ve seen you posting.  Is everything ok?  Your last post suggested unusual urges, but it sounded like you managed to get them under control.  I’m going to assume that you’re busy with life’s normal activities and that’s why you’ve not posted.  I found it odd that both you and Laura seem to be struggling almost at exactly the same juncture of your recovery.  I wonder if it’s common at the four year mark?  If you’re still struggling just hang in there.  The counsellor at my therapy group said that after five years of recovery, the rate of recidivism drops dramatically and people are successful for years to come.  Good vibes coming your way.  RG

    • #23665
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi RG, I didn’t realise it had been so long, I’m ok, Mother’s Day today , spoilt rotten! I’ve been busy, computer on the kaput which doesn’t help! No urges lately, thankfully!! I’m looking after myself, losing weight, getting healthy, working towards the Fiji trip, I feel pretty good at the mo . Ill catch up on the threads soon, have a good week , love k. Xxxxxx

    • #23666
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Kathryn)))! Fiji sounds wonderful; I’ve never been. Well done on having that 3 hour nap, instead of giving in to those strong urges you had. That takes courage and fortitude to resist the urges, and you did it!!! Way to go also on the healthier lifestyle changes. I have to agree with Sherry that most people, if not all, that gamble on a regular basis, will become cgs. There just isn’t the awareness of how addicting gambling can be, like with drugs and alcohol. So much research and money has been put in to make it the addicting experience it really is. Congratulations on every single day of gamble free time you have. Carole  

    • #23667
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Fiji will be great fun for you and the family… I am sure you can’t wait!! Well done on losing weight and getting healthy too. That is hard to do, well it is for me haha when i am such a foodaholic.. trying to do a little bit of that myself too, i am eating a lot healthier but i just eat too much. I also treat myself a little too often. Havent lost any weight but im eating way better. Hope to see you soon for a chat
      p

    • #23668
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Happy Mother’s Day!!  Thanks for all of your support.Seize all the good things in life

    • #23669
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Ive managed to charge my computer so im making the most of it……..
      Work has been quiet, the weather has been terrible and im sure people cant be bothered coming out in the rain and wind and cold, cant say i blame them!
      I spent yesterday at my friends university graduation.  She is now a paramedic and im so happy for her, we have been through many ups and downs during her studies, many times she was going to quit, thank goodness she didnt, she is going to be amazing…..
      So this morning…..i went to yoga, first time ever. Not only that but it was Bikram Yoga.  This means that you are in a minimum 40c heated room as well as doing the yoga. I am the least flexible person i know.  Try as i might, i just cant touch those toes, let alone lay on my stomach, grab my feet and stretch up…….lol.   Not to mention the light headedness and giddyness from the heat…and it was HOT!  That unable to breathe heat.  It went for 90 minutes, we lasted the distance and i almost knocked people over to get out of that room!!!!  After an hour i felt brilliant so……we are going again tomorrow…lol.  I am either crazy or crazy!!!
      I am happy to report that i have had no urges since my last posting.  As always, awareness up……
      Thats me for now,
      Take care, K xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23670
      twilight16
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      Thanks for the smiles this morning, your description of Bikram yoga was how I felt to a T. I tried it years ago and I will never forget that experience, none like I ever had before. It was suggested to me by a friend, who had been doing this type of yoga for years and looked great. Everything about her screamed beautiful, her skin, her toned body and most importantly her demeanor. She was always happy, nothing got her down. 
      When I left the studio it felt like winter outside, though it was summertime in Florida. I didn’t go back as I had somehow strained my foot. But it did get me back into exercising, which I was grateful for. However, I am happy to report that I have been running deligently since March, average milage is about 10 a week. Exercise has become my therapy and I do look forward to the days when I get to run. I also like that I get to be alone. It’s a nice break for about 35 minutes.
      I read about your struggles, and I prayed for you as I know it was scaring you. I could read it in your words. Since coming here, I understand the wickness of this addiction, and the fact that it still tries to take those that have rejected it as their way of life, is upsetting. But we are all victims of something if we are not careful, there are so many good things in life that can easily turn bad. I have my limits to everything.
      You are doing incredibly well and you have been such an example to many as you continue to share your life here. I am and will always be in awe with you. I am doing well, I feel my recovery is finally kicking in to where I am living a normal life, where I don’t think the worst of things anymore. Of course, I will have scars, but for me they are now ones that I overcame and look at with relief for my outcome. I also protect myself with boundaries with everyone 🙂 My dad is also doing well, he turned 70 last month and the family went to visit him and of course I cried. This was the first birthday we celebrated for a few years together. I thank God that he is alright and I thank God that I am alright.
      Hope you have a great day and enjoy your weekend.
      Love,
      Twilight
       

      (I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)– 5/18/2013 1:22:55 PM: post edited by twilight16.

    • #23671
      vera
      Participant

      Thanks for the vote of confidence on my thread, Kathryn!
      Just getting ready for work now ( 12 hour night duty), so I have to get my act together.
      Gambling plays havoc with my health.
      I have ten euro to last me until pay day next Thursday. I’m off from Sunday morning until next Saturday night. 25th
      I will stay at home. Do housework, cleaning, ironing, walking, listening to music and in a nutshell, all the simple things. Gambling won’t enter my mind because I have no money.
      You are so right. We should give gambling only what it gives us! NOTHING!
      Say one for me tonight, K! Busy busy at work!

    • #23672
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Thats great you are getting in to yoga.. sounds like healthy things and things that are great for you which is wonderful to be focusing on things like that. I am very claustrophobic so hot yoga would be a nightmare for me but i have heard its good for those who can handle it. I am starting a fitness goal. its going to take me some time to get fit haha. Thats why its a short and long term goal for me. It wont happen if i dont start though right. Baby steps and off we go….
      Have you given up smoking too? I am not sure i have ever heard anyone doing so well as the way you do, you must have a lot of inner strength and drive. You have given up all these addictions one by one. Its amazing.
      P

    • #23673
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Back at work on Monday morning….ugh. 
      So I have a few things going on in my life at the moment…. I bought a new car last week, I haven’t picked it up yet but we needed something bigger and im really pleased with the deal I got, im quite the barterer apparently!!!!!
      I have been looking after myself, I have lost a considerable amount of weight and am very close to my goal which is really exciting.  Yesterday morning I did a ‘fat’ clothes cleanout……3 bags full to go to the good will.  I am not keeping one thing that is too big as I don’t want to go back there.  I have been doing the bikram yoga quite a bit and although it is very hot (40c) I am finding my energy levels are amazing, my skin is blemish free but unfortunately im not one bit ‘bendier’ than I was.  I do the best I can but I don’t think I will ever be able to put my feet together, bend down and touch my toes…..
      Lastly, some exciting news…my daughter got engaged on the weekend!!!!!! I had no idea, her now fiancée had been to see my husband last Wednesday to ask his permission which I thought was lovely.  Dames had not said a word all week!  They went away on the weekend and they came over yesterday to share the news. I cried all day on and off, I am so so happy for her, she is absolutely glowing with happiness.  It seems the wedding will be next November.  Not a lot of time to save, but I thank all the powers that be that I am not gambling, imagine the ‘panic poking’ I would be doing leading up to it!  I am one very proud mother and I am planning to look sensational on her wedding day, although I will have to find the most waterproof mascara in the world!
      Only 8 weeks until my holiday to Fiji, good grief, im trying to not be too overwhelmed.  If I wasn’t excluded I think I would be in trouble as im worrying that we will not have enough money.  I want to go on this holiday without a care in the world!!!!!
      So, that’s about all from me for now,
      Hope you are all well and happy,
      Love K xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
       To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23674
      Anonymous
      Guest

      What a fabulous post, Kathryn.  Amazing!!  What kind of car did you get, what colour is it and what is its name?  You know she has to have a name!!
      I am unbelievably, incredibly jealous of your weight loss (although I am tickled pink for you).  Just imagine what gorgeous clothing you will be able to buy for the wedding.  I’ll tell you … you’re some kind of inspiration!!
      And then if that isn’t enough, Fiji???  If you aren’t the poster child for how wonderful a gambling free life is then I don’t know who is.  You rock, K … that’s all I can say. 
      Finally, a BIG FAT CONGRATULATIONS on your little girl’s engagement.  The news gave me goose bumps. What a lovely, happy time for your family.  She is going to be the most spectacular bride ever.  And don’t even begin to talk about the mother of the bride.  Wow … what a lot of planning. Is the wedding November 2013 or 2014??
      Keep living the good life.  Love, RG
       

    • #23675
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Thanks for bringing me back to the top with my thread but it is a closed thread so not sure how you are actually doing that but i think because you are hosting sessions you must be able to… I dont want a thread at the moment but thanks for thinking of me.. I am going well and am in recovery. I go on chat more than i do post now and feel more comfortable with that at the moment. It works better for me at this time that way.
      I am glad you are here as inspiration for what recovery is.. life is sounding just how it should be for you right now.. You have overcome so many addictions, gambling, smoking, losing weight.. i think its incredible i really do. You are one strong woman K and i think its why i always saw you here as our GT wonder woman.. get that cape out and keep going.. You are a perfect example of the good things that can happen when we stay in recovery. Would love to see you in chat some day. Thanks for being a friend
      P

    • #23676
      kathryn
      Participant

      Morning all! It’s my wedding anniversary today, 21 years! I thought about trading up but really, he’s been through hell with me and I’ve almost got him perfectly trained!!!! Have a lovely day friends, love K xxxx

    • #23677
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Happy Anniversary, Chica!!  I’ve also heard it called Anni-Misery after a while !  But I’m thinking Dames is a keeper.  As my husband says, he’s like a comfortable old sneaker … why would I want to break in new shoes that would leave me in pain from blisters. LOL!!  You know girls and shoes, though!!
      Anyway, hope your day is absolutely the best with a romantic dinner at a secluded table right at the edge of the water, with musicians and waiters dancing to your tune and the best wine available.  (At the very least, I hope Dames cooks you dinner.)
      Here’s to 21 more …  Love, RG

    • #23678
      p
      Participant

      Happy anniversary Kathryn
      I hope you do something really special..
      P

    • #23679
      kathryn
      Participant

      Just so you know I cooked dinner last night…….. There was a candle on the table!!!! That’s as romantic as it got folks! Lol!!!!! I’m off to pick up my new car, RG it’s a Nissan x trail, silver! Have a good one, love k xxx

    • #23680
      looby loo
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just catching up with a few peeps. Happy Happy belated anniversary to you and Dames 🙂 xx Your news is wonderful, 21st anniversary, an engagement, a lovely holiday and a svelte looking you – how fab indeed you should be so proud hun.
      Sending love to you and yours xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

    • #23681
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Well it is very hard to find you for a chat.. i have been looking out for you but must be missing each other like little ships in the night, hope you are having a good day today.. I am off to work for the rest of the week, have a shocker of a flu but trying to pretend its not there.. hehe im good at doing that.
      Anyway just saying hi and i would love a chat some day soon if you are about on here or on Skype
      P

    • #23682
      neva
      Participant

      Happy Anniversary!  It’s hard to make it 21 years in this day and age…but you did it!  How exciting about the new car too.  Lots of wonderful things in your life…and you deserve every one of them!

    • #23683
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi K:  Thanks for the support on my thread.  It comes at a time when I really need it.  I’m going to have to go back on your and Larry’s threads to see how you were doing around the two month mark and maybe it will give me the grit to keep moving forward.  Please keep updating on the Fiji plans and the wedding plans.  It’s "normal life" posts like yours that keep so many striving to achieve long term gamble free status.  Love, RG

    • #23684
      neva
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I was thinking of you getting healthy and losing weight as I logged into myfitnesspal.com and wondered if I could stick with it.  I’ve been 100% eating right for 6 days…I know it’s just a start but hearing about your healthy life and riding bicycles with your friend, made me want that too.  I thought about doing Weight Watchers, like you did, but I didn’t want to put any money out…yet again and not stick to it. You are proof that we can change our habits and change our life and it’s motivated me.

    • #23685
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you all for your posts…..
      I have had an interesting time lately, i have today off as i spent the weekend with 4 friends in Melbourne. As you know my bestie is getting married and we got the dress!!!!
      Unfortunately one of the women decided to get extremely drunk and abuse the brides sister in law on the way home in the taxi, i have never wanted the earth to swallow me up as i did then and when we got back to the room she decided she was leaving.
      Of course i couldnt let that happen.  I spent the rest of the night (we got home at 2.30am) until 8am sitting in front of the door so that she couldnt leave.  She had her parents come and pick her up (a 2 hour drive for them).  Jode and myself were devastated, she has been a friend for a long long time and what she did was unforgiveable, not to mention the fact that she did not think for 1 minute that she had done a thing wrong.  I guess she wasnt a friend after all and i am just grateful that we found out now.  She had planned to come to Fiji as well , obviously that isnt happening now, so thank goodness it didnt happen over there, on an island with no where to hide.  It was a very dissapointing end to a fantastic weeked, prior to that we had been dancing the night away……..
      My 4 year anniversary passed last week.  I remember my 1st gamble free year i was soooo excited, lol.  It really is another gambe free day for me but it was lovely to think back to how i was when i first found GT and the positive changes i have made in my life since then.  I am looking forward to the future, 1st things 1st though, the holiday…..i cant wait!!!!
      My daughter is taking her brothers away this week, from Thursday to Sunday.  3 whole nights with no children, i hope Dames and i can find that much conversation!!!!
      Finally, i am almost at my goal weight, im pretty sure i have put a little bit on this week with the weekend and all, but i am determined to reach goal by the time i get on that plane to Fiji.
      I think i might go and have a look at ebay for some new bathers.  Mine are too big and i need to feel a little bit stylish laying by that pool with a pina colada!!!!
      Take care my friends,
      Love K xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23686
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Go Kathryn!! FOUR YEARS!!! WOOHOO!

    • #23687
      charles
      Moderator

      A great post Katherine.  it pretty much demonstrates that in recovery we can handle the good and the bad things that come along in life without having to gamble.
      Well done on your gamble free time.  One day at a time is a small thing that can achieve great things.

    • #23688
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      A huge congratulations to you on 4 years gamble free, that is amazing. Your life is proof it can be done
      P

    • #23689
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn
      To think I have been reading your wonderful posts for 4 stupendous, inspiring years.   I am so glad to have met you even though it is cyber space – you make a difference to my life.
      Velvet

    • #23690
      p
      Participant

      Hi again K i am here having a coffee thinking of all my GT friends. Just so you know you have always inspired me. I love your strength. You truly are our wonder woman K. look at you go, through all these years. You are a tower of strength and a lovely one at that
      P

    • #23691
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Kathryn, Thanks for thinking of me.  It makes me feel good that I have such good friends here.  I am sorry about your Mother.  I like you treasure every moment I have with mine.  Take care.Seize all the good things in life

    • #23692
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Thanks for your post.. glad RG has started a thread its going to be great. You are the inspiration reaching your goal weight, congratulations that is wonderful. Ive got a looooooong way to go but it has to start somewhere right.
      I hope you have a great day today K and i look forward to sometime seeing you for a chat
      P

    • #23693
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, interesting times at my house………
      Yesterday Dames had a work day, it was like a lunch that some big company put on, free lunch, free beer, at the races!  Dames has always had a bet on the horses and as far as I know it was a little bit of money a week.  Anyway, he took $200 with him (cause we aren’t saving for Fiji or anything!!!) and during the day was sending me photos of himself with some local celebrities and looked like he was having a blast.
      I was going shopping last night and he rang me and asked if I could pick him up on the way home (it was 6pm by this stage) and he had been drinking for almost 8 hours.  He was going to one of my gambling venues and I knew then that it would be trouble.  He gets delusions of grandeur and was with some hobnob so I knew that he was being a bigshot and nothing good was going to come of it…..
      Anyway, after the shopping debarcle (ive posted on RGs thread about that) he called me and said that he would catch a cab home cause I was taking too long, which was fine with me!
      Fast forward to this morning, he was angry and I knew he had stuffed up.  He told me that he left the races with the money he took (I am 100% sure that he would have won more but didn’t tell me) he then went to the slots, lost the $200, took another $200 out of our tax account and then took $100 out of our savings to get the cab home.  Add that to the fact that he lost a days pay and that’s a $800 day!!!!!
      He said he is done with gambling (im sceptical), he said that he was changing his phone because he cant access his racing account from that phone, I also added that perhaps he could give me the card that is attatched to that account (he can only spend what he puts in that account, no credit)
      He didn’t offer me the card so I think that speaks volumes.  I also don’t know if he has taken more out of the tax account so im going to get the card and get a balance. Ugh…..didn’t need this at the moment, not when we are saving to go away.
      As for me, the whole thing makes me feel ill and hasn’t given me any urges.  I knew this was going to happen, he cant help himself.  Im disappointed but not surprised.  Hopefully this will open his eyes. 
      He is working today.  Im doing my grocery shop and staying close to home this weekend.  I am, however going to have a look at a possible reception place for Breas wedding with her tomorrow. That should be fun, it looks magnificent!!! (im not thinking about the money!!!)
      Have a great day my friends,
      Love K xxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23694
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi K:  Thanks for your post.  You’re right … my husband was a real jerk to open the bloody door for me.  You weren’t talking out of turn, you were spot on.  I found it interesting how you said Dames sent you gambling for his own gain.  I find the same is true here.  He wanted to gamble, so he felt he could do so more comfortably if I was gambling too.  I am still mad at him.  Now, he’s playing online.  Poker games take a lot longer than slots so he’ll be playing for a while. That’s going to tick me off — BIG TIME!!!  Anyway …
      I didn’t say how very proud I am of you for the 39 (plus) pounds.  That is awesome.  I have at least that to lose and I know it’s going to take a long time.  Will keep posting to the Feel-Good thread and hopefully that will force me forward.
      I’m sorry to hear that Dames is getting himself entangled in this garbage too.  I hope everything turns out well and if he is in real trouble that he concedes to doing the things he needs to do.  It’s a terrible thing, this addiction, and the greedy bloody governments just keep opening more and more venues and discovering more ways to fleece people of their money. 
      I’m exhausted now.  Didn’t get much sleep last night … just back from my Dad’s and visiting my best friend and now I’m ready to crash.
      Hope you have a wonderful rest of the weekend.  It’s our Canada Day long weekend, so lots of fireworks and celebrating going on here.
      Love, RG"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” – Aristotle

    • #23695
      kathryn
      Participant

      Im just about to head to bed, im soooo very tired,i
      I went and looked at a possible wedding venue/reception centre with Brea today, it is lovely and I think she has her heart set on it.  Its $104 per head and the count at the moment is 110 people….you do the math (aaahhhhhhh!!!)
      I do have a plan to open an account for her after we get back from Fiji and deposit $200 a week.  It almost makes me cry, all that money but she is my daughter and I love her.  It wont be enough to cover the whole wedding but at least the reception will be pretty much paid for.  When I got home I decided to go and see my neighbour who is a celebrant and ask her how its all done.  I had spoken to Brea about it and she agreed that she is a lovely lady and that she would be happy for her to marry them.  So, over I went, an hour and a half later I left (the woman can talk!!!) and headed home, by this time it was after 7 and we were cooking a roast for dinner. 
      I didn’t take my key so when I got home I rang the doorbell only to be met by and extremely irate husband who wanted to know ‘WHERE I HAD BEEN!!!’.  Now, I had told him where I was going but unfortunately didn’t get home in time to put my apron on and he had to turn on the vegetables….tragedy!!!!
      Needless to say I am not speaking to him right now, im going to hit the hay and have a good nights sleep.  I wont go into what I said, im sure your imaginations will suffice!!!!
      After the weekend he has had I would be a little nicer if I were him.
      Love to you all,
      K xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23696
      paul315
      Participant

      Originally posted by Kathryn

      … My 4 year anniversary passed last week … 
      To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

      Good morning Kathryn,
      Well done!
      Sorry that I am late in congratulating you on this achievement. Also  late congratulations you on your 21st wedding anniversary.  Somehow I feel that you and Dames would not have made this one if not for you finding GT four years ago; recovery has caused a lot of positive changes in your life, including allowing you to focus and deal with your great adventure of a life with him instead of wasting way following one controlled by this addiction.
      You have been a great inspiration to me with your post, not only about the struggles and triumphs of recovery, but post concerning life in itself with all its ups and downs, giving us all hope that we too could live without gambling. Now that you have a better grasp on a more normal life you are still an inspiration.  And although I will miss out on sharing in celebrating a continuous four years of not gambling with you, with the support of fellow gamblers like yourself and what I have gained from it during my past four years, I still am looking forward to my future of living a life gambling free — 1st things 1st though, that being today, another day that I pledge to not gamble.
      God’s speed.
      Love xxxxxxxxxLarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

    • #23697
      cat438
      Participant

      Congratulations on 4 years gamble free, what an awesome achievement and an inspiration to others on this site!!!! One day at a time my sweet lord…

    • #23698
      worriedsick
      Participant

      Hi there Kathryn,
      Im new to this site and have just spent the last hour reading some of your posts.  Inspirational to say the least.  Thankyou for sharing your story.  Whilst I struggle with my own demons, I can see that others do so on a daily basis but can get through it.  Thanks
       

    • #23699
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Here’s another coffee coming your way, thanks for posting to me today.
      P

    • #23700
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hey K:  Thanks for your post on my thread and your everlasting encouragement.  I also remember the "nothing changes if nothing changes" advice and I always try to do a few things to ensure that the same bad things don’t happen again.  I closed the dumb casino account immediately and I’m waiting to see If my husband puts Betfilter on the computer.  If he does not within a couple of days, I’ll simply remove his credit card from his wallet and do it myself.  I think he’s lingering because in a few days he may want it little go again.  But not this time.  I would have done this a long time ago if I had my own cards.  However, I’ve long ago given up financial control (thus the begging for money when I need to gamble.  I feel like Hannie Housewife from the ’50s, but I just have to suck it up and realize that I have no control when I have money).
      I am so very sorry about your Mom.  Alzheimer’s is truly a kind of hell — both for the patient and for the family.  My best friend went through two years of it with her Dad.  I know respite is hard, but it is  the very best thing you can do for her.  Do you have her name on a waiting list for long-term care?  When we first put my Dad in respite for a couple of weeks (he doesn’t have Alzheimers, just the normal dementia that comes with aging) it was the really heart-wrenching, and he kept asking what he had done wrong to be put in care. Now things have completely changed and he is so thrilled to be living where he is.  The nurses and PSWs are true angels — although I won’t lie, my sisters and I are like hawks– watching every move and ensuring that my Dad doesn’t have a single uncomfortable moment.  He is such a happy chappy and I wish only that I will have the same disposition if I reach his age.
      Treasure the lucid moments (I’m sure you do) and give your beautiful Mom every comfort that you can.  Make sure you are well-supported because it will be tough on you. (((big hugs)))!!
      Love, RG "I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” – Aristotle

    • #23701
      Anonymous
      Guest

      K:  I’m so psyched for this Fiji wedding and I don’t even know the bride!!  Please post the site that you got the dresses from and the style so that I can see them too.  That way I can vicariously enjoy the excitement too!!  Love, RG"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” – Aristotle

    • #23702
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, Thank you for your supportive and caring posts.  They mean a lot.Seize all the good things in life

    • #23703
      finding_laura
      Participant

      To my absolute dearest Kathryn,
      together we have been through a lot, supporting each other from halfway round the world. When I first began my true recovery you were a shining example with over four months clean and I only hoped to be able to say the same thing some day. Then it was a year, an amazing feat!! And the two, OMG who could have believed it was possible for life to change so much! Three was next wohoooo!!! And now FOUR!!!! What a feeling to be focused on the here and the now and feeling proud and happy that you are putting your resources where they need to go. I’m still chasing you Katie girl, looking forward to celebrating four years of gamble free time! I can’t believe I missed your anniversary but I guess that is a good thing that recovery is now a part of the every day and life has taken centre stage.
      Thanks for your encouragement and support, your shoulder and your ear over the years. Keep on rocking recovery! I don’t ever want to “catch” you 🙂 xoxo
      Laura

    • #23704
      kathryn
      Participant

      Laura, what a gorgeous post, I never dreamed that I would find such an amazing friend here, I only hope that one day we can talk face to face over a coffee, it is up there on my bucket list my friend!
      Alright RG, I have been on the site and tried to write the directions as easily as possible……the dress is white on the site, we wanted coral but there wasn’t that exact colour so we picked watermelon (trust it to be a food!), when it arrived on Friday, what do you know…..its coral so the colour chart is not a true indication!
      So go to Izidresses.com>special occasion dresses>evening dresses.  Its about the 9th row down and is called sheath/column V neck chiffon graduation dress.
      Hope you can find it, it really is a beautiful dress and I cant wait to wear it, I think ill do hair up, loose, not like the picture so much but you get the idea……
      Not doing a lot today. Helping the other bridesmaid clean her house, she has just moved and planning on hitting the gym this afternoon, ill post on the feel good if I do!
      Have a good day,
      Love K xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23705
      Anonymous
      Guest

      K — it is absolutely gorgeous and coral would work so perfectly with an island wedding.  I love the flowy, goddess look of the dress, I can just see it blowing softly in the tropical winds.  And the side chignon is an absolutely perfect look.  They didn’t get it right in the picture.  It should be a little messier, a bit more informal.  You guys are going to look absolutely spectacular.  I remember being a bridesmaid moons ago, also with the coral colour.  It shows up spectacularly against white.
      Two thumbs and two big toes up for all the pretty bridesmaids all in a row!!
      RG"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” – Aristotle

    • #23706
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Kathryn)))! Thank you for your support on my recovery journey! Way to go on 4 years of gamble free time!! Fiji sounds wonderful! How awful that bridesmaid’s behavior, even if she was drunk! I marvel at your patience when it comes to your husband’s gambling, while you work on your recovery. I suppose he has to get sick and tired of being sick and tired before he decides he wants recovery. He has a perfect example in you that recovery works! As we advise the partners of cgs- protect  your own finances, which I’m sure you’re already doing. Carole

    • #23707
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I have had one of the most stressful weeks of my life.  We made the decision to put mum into respite care, we did the paperwork, we thought that it was in October.  I was in the process of preparing myself for this.  While she is still ‘ok’, her alzheimers has really progressed.  We have had some issues with her medication, double dosing and the like so we thought it would be a good idea if my step dad got a break, he is clearly stressed out and not coping. 
      My sister got the call on Tuesday that there was a bed available…….yesterday!!!  We decided to take it, especially since we are going to Fiji next week, it would be reassuring to know that she was ok, that her meds were being given regularly, that she was eating and drinking (she has lost a lot of weight) and to take the pressure off my step dad. 
      My sister and I have been crying all week, its the next step and although at the moment its only for a month its still extremely confronting. This is MY mum.  My heart has been broken.
      So, my sister took her yesterday.  I thought it best if I didn’t go seeing as I am extremely emotional about it all.  My sister came and saw me at work when she dropped her off.  We cried and cried.  Mum thought she was in the hospital, she wasn’t staying there with all those ‘old’ people.  She thanked my sister for taking her to her ‘holiday’, absolutely heartbreaking to say the least. 
      My sister then decided to drop her TV there on her way home.  Here was mum, sitting on the bed with her things packed waiting to get picked up. She was going home. She had only been there for a few hours.   It is the absolute saddest thing I have been through in a long long time.  My head is making all the sense in the world, my heart however is a different story.  I am going to visit her on Sunday, we are giving her time to settle in and hopefully she will get used to it there. We have options when we get back from Fiji and are thinking that perhaps we can get private care for her.  We will look at it then.
      At least I know that she will be ok when we are away, we wont have to worry about a thing. 
      To top it off work is so stressful I could scream.  We have a huge assessment coming up when I get home from the holiday and I need to get a lot done before next Friday.  I should be at mums now, having a cuppa.  Its my Friday ritual.  I need to keep busy, I need to keep my mind occupied.   So, house cleaning it is this morning…..
      Have a good day y’all…..
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23708
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Sorry to hear that things have been rough this week, our K.  Putting our parents into care is both the hardest and the most loving thing that we can do for them.  It doesn’t make it easier, but know that you did the right thing.  As I said earlier, when we put our Dad in respite the first time, he also packed his things and called my sister wanting to be picked up.  He kept wanting to know what he had done wrong.  He also didn’t want to be with the "old people".
      My sisters and I are VERY vigilant with his care.  We are on top of the staff at all times.  It’s a terribly hard job for them … they have so many to care for, but when it comes to our parents, we are the only ones who can advocate for them.  You WILL feel better knowing that you Mom is being properly cared for while you’re away. 
      It took a couple of months but my Dad adjusted.  Of course it helps that one of us visits him every day of the week. He is also very sociable still, so gets around nicely in his motorized wheelchair and goes to all the daily events. 
      I’m going to pray that your Mom settles in and has a lovely rest there. You visit there will be very hard, but try to stay upbeat, make her laugh, talk about her favorite things … and then, cry on the way home. 
      Chin up, my friend, it’s all part of this wonderful thing we call life.
      Love, RG"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” – Aristotle

    • #23709
      kathryn
      Participant

      I am so tired, I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction . I need this holiday. K xxx

    • #23710
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I was reading your post, catching up.  You must be emotionally drained.  Remember to take care of yourself.  Have a great holiday!  Take care.Seize all the good things in life

    • #23711
      p
      Participant

      Hi K, feeling very ashamed and discouraged at this point, five and a half months and i flushed it away again.. just want to say i wont be posting but i will be in chat, thank you for your friendship over the years
      P

    • #23712
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks for your post Lizbeth, P, I know that you will find your way, when you are ready.
      I have a lot going on.  Mum is doing ok, she packs several times a day to go home but if that’s the worst she does then its ok.  I went and saw her last night, she is really happy, they are keeping her busy which is great.  She plays the piano regularly and seems very content.  She was so happy to see me, we had a cuppa and I stayed for quite a while until she was ready for bed.  I feel very relieved that she is being so well looked after, the girls are just beautiful there and they all love her which makes a big difference.
      My sisters aren’t coping so well, especially my oldest one, she has a hard time letting go.  My other sister rang me last night full of booze and advice that I didn’t need or want.  It is exhausting to say the least.  I then have major stuff happening at work which is adding to my stress, not to mention the holiday to which I feel totally unorganised.  No wonder im tired!!!
      Im at work so this is a quick post.  I feel like im drowning.  I feel like the weight of the world is upon me.  I know it will pass, but right now its overwhelming.
      Love you all,
      K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23713
      vera
      Participant

      — 24/07/2013 15:43:30: post edited by vera.

    • #23714
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn 
      Accept the things you can do at the moment and don’t take on the emotional care of your sisters – they are big enough to look after themselves.
      Accept the thing you cannot change dear Kathryn.  I know I would not want my children to suffer for me – that is not why I gave them life.  Your mum is ok and in a good place, a place of understanding, she believes she is on holiday and she is not crying but she would be, if she thought her lovely daughter was.
        
      Worry about you – you are one person who can make a difference to how you feel and you know you need a holiday – your mum needs you healthy and happy.  Work is work and if I have learned nothing in my life it is that no job is worth losing your sanity over.   Everything will still be there when you get back.  The assessment will not be so scary when you are refreshed and your batteries are re-charged.
      Take each problem as it comes and deal with it.   Remember the pile of pieces in the jigsaw – you can only do one piece at a time.
      I have a dear friend with Alzheimer’s and nothing I could ever do or say will help but her husband is an example to me on how things should be done.   They have loved each other for 40 years.   He talks to her, brings her home once a week for a few hours and loves her as he has always done.   He has been on a holiday this year because he knows he has to look after himself – for her sake.    I know her well enough to know she would be proud of the way he is coping.  I believe, from watching him, that you have done the best thing for your mum – it would be selfish to keep her at home, confused and getting the wrong meds.   It is another chapter and it is a hard one but you have her grandchildren to care for and you have yourself – her child.  
      Your mum would never break your heart.    So much weight on your shoulders and still you stand tall – how proud she must be of you.   Her memories are locked in but they will be good ones. 
      I want to hear that your holiday was wonderful – as you are.  You deserve this break and at the moment your mum believes she is only on holiday so nothing is set in stone.  
      You are so special – carry on living the great adventure for your mum – and selfishly for me too.
      V
       

    • #23715
      kathryn
      Participant

      Velvet,
      Always the one to make me feel better, to make me smile.
      Thank you my friend,
      My first port of call when I arrive in Fiji (apart from putting our bags in our room) is to put on my new bathing suit, strut down to the pool, find a banana lounge and order a pina colada!  My first sip will be a toast to you V.
      2 MORE SLEEPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      We are getting very excited, Bailey however is having some anxiety issues about the plane trip.  I will see my Dr today about perhaps getting something to calm him down.  Im sure Dames will take it too, he is terrified!
      Im not sure if I will get a post in before I leave, so I hope the next couple of weeks find you all well and happy.  I will be full of details about the wedding and the trip.
      Love K xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23716
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Kathryn, Have a awesome time on your trip!!!  Make sure to give us all the details when you return. Take care!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23717
      kathryn
      Participant

      Bulla!!!!
      Well, my trip was everything and more, what a great holiday, the resort was amazing, we spent time with the locals  (we were called the tattoo family cause all the fellas got tattoos there!) I ate and drank like a trooper (splice of life, my favourite cocktail) we swam and sunbaked (I lost my bather top, once, it popped off, never been so embarrassed in my life!)  we drank karva, it looked like muddy water, didn’t taste much better and made your mouth numb!  Even the boys had a coconut shell full, I was that proud of them!
      The wedding was magnificent, the procession was headed by Ace, a Fijian warrior, he was a man mountain and carried a huge wooden club/weapon/scary! Another warrior stood at the red carpet and they made a guard of honour for the walk down the aisle.  Jode looked absolutely amazing, stunning in fact, she cried and cried as we all did.  The reception was held at the local fire dancing show, Jode, me and Erica, the other bridesmaid had to get up on the stage and do the Macarena with 6 gorgeous glossed up Fijian men ( what a hard life!)
      Dames and the kids had a great time, obviously as I already stated he got his sleeve done on his right arm from a very well respected (and safe) tattooist.  He finally got the kids names and birthdates done on his arm as well so at least he will never forget them!  The Fijian boys called him grandpa!  He made that many friends there, he has such a way with people, wherever we go he makes friends.
      So, on returning, of course I went to see my mammy.  She is still in the nursing home, she has been there over 3 weeks now and when I asked her how long she has been staying there she said 2 days.  She looks fantastic, even did the highland fling in her bedroom, much to my surprise!  She doesn’t seem to have any pain which is marvellous.  She is however packing her bags every morning to come home which I don’t think this is going to change.  We have to make the decision on what to do by Thursday.  Although it is heartbreaking, I think that it is best that she stays.  She is getting amazing care.  We (my sister and I) need to go and speak to our stepfather.  Ultimately the decision is his.  I am dreading the conversation, im not sure how he is going to take it.  He doesn’t share his feelings at all and we don’t want to look like we are railroading him.  It makes me feel sick.  But it has to be done.
      Well, I think ive rambled on enough.  My recovery is still strong.  I hope you are all well and happy.
      Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #23718
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi K,  The wedding and trip sounds awesome.  It sounds like your Mother is in good hands.  Hopefully your Stepfather will be on board with you and your sister about your Mother.  Take care of yourself.Seize all the good things in life

    • #23719
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi Kathryn, I have not been on here hardly at all in recent months and wow…your determination and success in your recovery are awe inspiring. Life throws such difficult decisions at us and it would be so easy to let our guard down and slip..You are amazing juggling so many roles in life, mother , daughter etc. and staying strong in your recovery. Thank you for sharing your story !

    • #23720
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn and thanks for your post.  I hope everything is going well with you.  I believe that God will do what he deems is the right thing to do with the condo, it is in his hands now.  I have put a lot of things in his hands since the death of my Husband and everything has worked out.  Take care!  Have a great day!Seize all the good things in life

    • #23721
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Sorry your post got mislaid, the forums are going to take a few more days to populate but we managed to get yours fairly quickly… would be great to get an update on your recovery 🙂

    • #23722
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all
      Thank you Harry for finding my thread, it was a bit shocking to see the ‘4 years 3 months’…….surely it cant be that long since I first joined this wonderful community.
      So, life…..its busy. I am dealing with my mum at the nursing home, my sister and I are kind of tag teaming every night of the week to see her after dinner. It can be exhausting, I am never sure how she is going to be when I get there….my last visit she was in tears saying that she had a big fight with my stepdad (he hadn’t been there that day). It hasn’t been fun to say the least, my mind is reeling, should she be there, was it too soon, would she be better off at home, it goes on and on. I have to say my addiction is kind of helpful in the respect that I am still able to put things to the back and not think about them, I am still able to find that zone out place…….I just don’t need to gamble to do it. Im not sure if its a good thing or not but its how I am coping and I don’t know how to do it any other way…….yet.
      I wont lie, there have been urges, times of stress feed my addiction and it starts to whisper. I have managed to push it away so far. I try and get busy, not think about it, call someone…..all the tools I have learnt here. Im sure I have used each and every one of them. Thankfully my exclusion is still in place and I am of the firm belief that it will remain that way for a long long time. Im not sure what will be next, i have no grand plans (except for my daughters wedding next year, another financial stress). I do know that i will keep aware, that i will not allow my addiction to creep back, that i will do all i can to keep myself safe. One day at a time, i cant do any more than that. Hope you are all well and happy, thanks for reading, K xxxxx

    • #23723
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi K, I’m sorry your going through a turbulent time. In all honesty Im not sure there is an answer to when is the right time but I know you thought long and hard and would have made the decision based on what was right for your mum and not necessarily what was right for you

      K you wrote “I just don’t need to gamble to do it. Im not sure if its a good thing or not but its how I am coping and I don’t know how to do it any other way…….yet”

      Yet is a word that I always admire, it says that your looking at coping mechanisms, your relying on what you’ve learned over the last 4 years.. that Yet will become new skills of coping. You’ve proved to yourself just how resourceful and logical you are, dig deep and your find the answers

      Take Care and come and chat if you need to

      H

    • #23724
      cat438
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, it must be so hard to be in the position that you are in right now with your Mum. The emotional turmoil and stress must be overwhelming, but you are dealing with it one day at a time. I find for me that no matter what comes up that is my coping mechanism and I then I think about the devastation I felt after gambling. Thinking of you!!!

    • #23725
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      I need help and I don’t know where to go to get it. Its mum. Its me dealing with what is happening with mum. My sister said to me yesterday that she is no longer the mum we had, she has changed, she is a different mum now. My sister is right. I don’t know how to accept this or even how to begin dealing with it all. I don’t know how to feel, I think im scared to feel because if I start feeling then im going to fall apart and I don’t want to do that. Theres other stuff going on, something that happened with my sister on holidays that I cant understand. Our relationship has shifted, just a tiny bit but its not the same and that makes me so sad. I don’t know whether to find a counsellor. I don’t know what kind of counsellor to find. I am just ignoring things right now because I don’t know what to do. Im hurt and sad and grieving for the mum I once had, I don’t know what happened with my sister and cant move past it. I think im rambling but I cant even get the thoughts straight in my head let alone here. I cant go deeper than writing the words. Im too afraid. I don’t want to feel it. If anyone has any suggestions about who would be a good person to seek out I would be really grateful. Love to you all, K xxxx

    • #23726
      adele
      Participant

      “Sorrow makes us all children again — destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing.”
      – Ralph Waldo Emerson

      Dear Kathryn,

      Alzheimer’s is a wretched disease – and the loved ones of its victims always seem to face the harder challenges. I can hear the stress and worry this has brought to you and your family.

      Grief, for you, causes fear and uncertainty and that is completely understandable. Perhaps it is something different for your sister… everyone lives their sorrows differently. As Vera said, we mustn’t be afraid to grieve – and shared grief can bring hearts closer.

      I know you know ignoring this is not going to make anything better, and it’s not going to make it go away. You are no stranger to adversity. I’ve read how you came face to face with your addiction – and now you deal with it brilliantly every day.

      I truly believe you can also face your Mother’s illness and deal with it in much the same way. With knowledge and support you will know what to do.

      Here is a number for the Alzheimer’s Association Helpline (at ALZ.org) – it is manned 24/7 and you can speak to someone immediately. While they may not be able to provide you with all of their services, the site is a wealth of information and they can direct you to resources available where you live.

      1.800.272.3900

      There is also an Alzheimer’s Disease online support site similar to GT. Their message boards are filled with people affected by AD who will understand everything you are feeling right now and can offer you (and your sisters) support and advice. Its web address is:

      ALZconnected.org.

      I’m sure you can find many other resources on the internet, but this is a start and I hope it helps. Of course you know your friends will always be here on this site when you need them.

      Wishing you strength and comfort,

      Adele

    • #23727
      kathryn
      Participant

      Adele and Vera, thank you so much for your replies, I will definitely use the resources you have given me. I know I should be so grateful that mum is still here with me, there are many that would give their back teeth to have their loved ones with them, in any capacity. I do enjoy every minute I have with her, and I look for my blessings where I can get them. Bless you both for your thoughts, prayers and advice, they mean the world to me. Love K

    • #23728
      sunny123
      Participant

      hello kathryn,
      long time.. good to see that you are still regular at the site.. will go through your journal when i get some time. hope you are doing well

    • #23729
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Good morning K, sorry I missed you 🙁 I tried to access the group chat this morning but it doesn’t seem to be working or on. Stress sure does trigger some old thoughts, old thoughts of getting away to deal with the pressure. When I start having those thoughts regularly I know I have to deal with what is bothering me. I think Vera hit the nail on the head when she talks of the different emotions family members go through when having to deal with the effects of Alzheimers on our family members. And boy emotions are the great trigger. Definitely reach out to established groups for support. It is a long journey and the family needs to take care of themselves through out. I hope things work out with your sister. I’m thinking of you xo Laura

    • #23730
      bettie
      Participant

      They call Alzimers the “long goodbye”. It is a sad disease no doubt about that. I think when faced with a serious illiness every family has a different way of dealing with it. Some are totally involved, some are in total denial, and some try to ignore it so maybe it will go away. I remember when my brother first got sick, before we knew he had cancer. My sister (who is a loving and caring person) made the statement that she was glad my brother had relocated near my mom because so she didn’t have to deal with it. I looked at her and said I sure didn’t feel that way-I wished he was closer so I could be of more help. She said “well thanks alot-now I feel like a total *ss!”
      I know she regrets that statement and of course hind sight is 20/20. This kind of stuff is a family disease. No one will ever be the same. It will bring out the worst and the best of everyone involved. Be kind to yourself Kathryn. You feel how you feel and there is no shame in that.
      bettie

    • #23731
      cat438
      Participant

      One of my friend’s mothers had Alzheimer’s disease and I can remember the turmoil that she went through. She said it felt like your had your Mum, but yet you did not have her as she did not recognize her. I believe it is a heartbreaking disease for the loved ones of the person who has Alzheimer’s. The families whose loved ones are also going through this will understand and hopefully there is a support group or something to help. Grab all the support you can to help you through this.

    • #23732
      kathryn
      Participant

      Laura, B and Cat, thank you girls!!!!!
      I have been looking online for some help. The site you gave me Adele is wonderful, I have to say though, I don’t know where to start with posting. I thought about it then I started to cry and couldn’t do it. There is a number for Alzheimers Australia I can ring, and I will, to see if there are any support groups in my area. I do feel alone in this. I need to be able to talk to someone. My sister goes to a meeting every Monday which she says is amazing. She is able to talk and vent her feelings. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going there with her so I need to find something for me. At the moment my work is overwhelming, so I will get through this busy time and then I will do something for me. Anyway, I must go and get ready. Thank you all for your caring words. Its so comforting to know you are all here for me. Love to you all, K xxxxx

    • #23733
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn, I’m always just a type written line or phone call away. Don’t wait too long to get the support you need. Even if it means taking a sickie. take care xo Laura

    • #23734
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      So sorry to hear what you are going through with your mum. Glad to see you posting and that you have your original thread, that is good they could keep it. Being here roughly the same amount of time as you has been good to have you travelling the journey together, though ive relapsed and slipped and slid along the way and you have gone ahead leaps and bounds for all these years. You have been through tough times K, you will get through this one. We are all wishing good thoughts for you here.

      P

    • #23735
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      Well im feeling a little under the weather today, I had my 25 year High School Reunion last night. I had a wonderful time, caught up with so many people I haven’t seen for years and years. It was fantastic. Of course my recent weight loss helped me feel even better. I also had my 3 phases of transformation for the night, lashes, nails and hair. It was lovely going out feeling confident and pretty.
      I have been in touch with Alzheimers Australia, who have put me in touch with a counsellor to help me talk out my feelings in regards to mum being in the nursing home. I haven’t been yet, I should get an appointment in the next week or so. I don’t even know what im going to say, but im sure it will pour out when I get there. We thought she was doing better, she seems to be a lot more content in the evenings when we (my sister or I) go and see her. Then I got a phone call from the boss there telling me that she has been escaping out the front door, she is sneaking out when a relative comes in (you need a code to open the door). My mother is a modern day Houdini!!!!!
      The family are well and happy. No more plans for the wedding next year, but im soooo proud to say that Brea has finished her University degree. She is a teacher!!!!! Now all we need is for her to get a job!!!! The boys are good, no big dramas there, we are still dealing with Baileys anxiety attacks but they seem to be getting better with counselling.
      As for my gambling, no issues there I am happy to say.
      Hope you are all well and happy, Love K xxxxxxxx

    • #23736
      adele
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,

      I planned to pull your thread up the next time I sat down for my GT therapy (redundant, but that’s what I call it when I sit down to read and post for a lengthier time – which this is not, so I’m glad you posted!).

      I have certainly been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing in dealing with your Mothet’s Alzheimer’s. I’m so glad you are seeking counseling and that it’s available to you. I really had no doubt you would – you are such a champion in dealing with the challenges your life has presented.

      My best friend’s husband (they both are our best friends) is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and I see the stress it puts on her I’m trying to learn how to best support her in the days and weeks and years to come. Humor, as often as possible, has been the best medicne so far.

      It sounds like your sweet mum may provide you a little comedy along the way (respectfully). Like so many things in life, we have a choice in our reactions. I think sometimes the best choice is to laugh.

      I truly admire your strength to remain gamble free during this time Kathryn, I’m sure it can’t be easy.

      I look forward to hearing more …

      Adele

    • #23737
      meglee
      Participant

      Hello my lovelies! I feel like a gate-crasher. Having not been on the site for so long… its like I opened the door and found a flash new GT “office” with big new neon signs !!! Haven’t got my head around the changes yet, and cant find my thread (it was probably getting long and boring anyway LOL), so I thought …….I’ll search Kathryn! And I find the lovely Vera in here too (tiocfaidh ar la to you my dear xxx). Now if I can just find Velvet………… she’s probably in a back office somewhere, tipped off her zimmerframe, and worse for wear on Amaretto hahahahaa .
      I hope you are all well. I am SO glad to see this site is not only still here, but re-invigorated as well! At a desperate time in my life, this place saved my soul and helped me make some sense out of the insensible. My thread was named ‘finding peace’, and to a large extent…. I have found it (peace, I mean. Not my thread. still looking for that) . God bless GT and the amazing friends I have here who helped.
      much love and light
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
      P.S. I’m off to bang on Harry’s door to find my *&@**! thread! (LOL)

    • #23738
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I just wanted to pop in and say hello. I hope things are going well for you. I hope that your mum is doing ok and i hope you are too. Was just thinking of you and sending you some good thoughts. Hope your days and nights are filled with the happiness that you deserve today

      P

    • #23739
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi friends,
      Meg, what a lovely surprise, thank you for your post, as you can see im not posting much at all these days and my laptop has had a hissy fit so im sneaking on at work this morning. P, as always, so good to see you and thank you for remembering me x.
      Im ok, I wont lie, ive had urges lately, not strong and not many but im recognising them. I think that’s half the battle for me, if I know why im having them I can deal with them a lot better.
      Family is good, mum…..well, its up and down and every day is different. I saw her on Sunday night and she was fantastic, last night was awful. That’s life I guess. I just take it as it comes. I feel, coming up to Christmas extremely unorganised and I don’t like it. Usually im done and don’t have to think about it anymore, not so this year……ugh. My life is so busy, too busy really. I don’t know how to change that right now. I feel behind in everything, I feel im neglecting the kids due to work, mum, and me. I know I need me time, I do know this but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. Anyway, just a little rant, the patients are arriving and I must go and be the gracious host to them.
      Love to you all, K xxxxxxxxx

    • #23740
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I was glad to see your post. Do we ever have enough time for ourselves? I think that we just need to allot the time and take it!!! It sounds like you are doing well. I am sorry that your Mom is having bad days. I moved right down the street from my Mom (about 1/2 a mile). Even though she is alright, mentally and physically, I like the idea of being close in case she needs me! I guess it just gives me peace of mind. Remember to take some time for you!!! Take care!!

    • #23741
      p
      Participant

      Hi there fellow Aussie..
      Just want to say a big hello to you and i miss seeing your regular posts.. i hope your computer issues are all fixed soon. I hate not having a computer. I go mad. Well madder than i already am if thats at all possible. I hope you are having a good day and good week. I too am not prepared for christmas but then again i never am. I find a few days before i start to think of what needs to be done, mind you there are very few guests at my christmas table so i don’t have to prepare quite so much as others.
      Hope all is ok in your world today and would love to see you for a chat again some day in the chat room

      P

    • #23742
      p
      Participant

      Hello missy.. just saying hi from up North hehe.. Hope you are going well in your world today. You getting more prepared for Christmas yet? Im not, only have a few coming so its not too big for me. I have two presents organised, my sons and my cat…
      I hope things are good for you Kathryn. Miss seeing your posts

      P

    • #23743
      vera
      Participant

      I said in my “Christmas Message to All”, that I wouldn’t single anybody out, but I have to let you know Kathryn, that you have been on my mind a lot lately. This will be your 5th G free Christmas (we started here together in 2008) so I want to say Well Done on your perseverance through thick and thin.
      I know this Christmas will be difficult for you without you mum. Any chance she will be able to spend Christmas Day with the family?
      If not, I’m sure you will get to see her…
      Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers!
      Happy Christmas!

    • #23744
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Kathryn)))! I wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a new year full of blessings! Thank you for all the support you have given me in my recovery journey. Carole

    • #23745
      kathryn
      Participant

      Vera and Carole, what a lovely surprise!!!
      I have been absent in more ways than one at the moment. I have no computer at home, I cant access the site on my phone so im at work getting a quick post in!!! The last 3 months have been so busy, I cant ever remember being this full on! Mum, well we are looking at moving her to a new facility, it looks like it will happen in the next month, this place is brand new, beautiful and the staff are very dedicated to dementia care (they call it sensitive care). Vera, mum will be coming for Christmas, there is no way we would leave her there, we are having lunch at my sisters so she is picking Mum up early so she can help with the preparations. We don’t know how she will go but this may be the last one where she still knows who we are so we are making the most of it and if she doesn’t like it well, too bad!!! Dames and I are picking up my stepdad and bringing him in. Things have been touchy with him, especially with the new facility. He wasn’t keen, he thought they would take more money and it took a bit to convince him that this wasn’t the case. We are very blessed to have this opportunity so we worked hard to make it happen. The family are all well, I am pretty organised for Christmas although I have to tackle a department store after work today which is a nightmare. I will, however stay calm and carry on!!!
      I wish you both a happy Christmas, thank you so much for thinking of me, you have both helped my recovery more than you could ever know. I am truly blessed to have found this site, I will try to stop in more, perhaps when things settle down with mum and I don’t need to go into the facility every night (another story). Merry Christmas to all, I can only wish health and happiness for everyone here at GT.
      Love K xxxxxxxxxx

    • #23746
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn
      I knew my fitness training wii had dyslexia when it gave my fitness age -thank you Harry for letting me know how little notice to take of it.
      I hope you get the Christmas you deserve Kathryn – I will definitely have you in my thoughts on Christmas Day.
      I hope that everybody on this site has a day that they can look back on with good memories – there are so many souls changing their lives and thankfully many inspirations like you Kathryn to give hope to all. Thank you for all the hope and joy you give me.
      Velvet

    • #23747
      finding_laura
      Participant

      I understand the full on! Over my gambling time I neglected my home and everything in it. Then when I finally crashed and found recovery I spent years paying off gambling debt. Now I have a little money to try and do a lot around our home. Which means doing a lot of the work ourselves. But we are getting there. We’ve walked this road for a long time. I miss you lots as we have had a hard time connecting of late. But I always treasure our friendship 🙂 Have a Happy New Year K!!
      luv Laura

    • #23748
      p
      Participant

      Ok Miss.. time for a post from you. Hope life is treating you well these days and look forward to seeing you here again, i miss seeing you round here.. do i have to SHOUT IT OUT ALL THE WAY DOWN SOUTH… come back..

      P

    • #23749
      kathryn
      Participant

      Sweet P, thank you for bringing me back. I am ok.
      The last month has almost been a blur it has been so busy. The boys are on holidays, we are in the process of moving mum (which, I feel has become my sole responsibility but that’s another story), not to mention work work work. Im spreading myself out waaaay too thin and I know it but feel quite powerless in changing it as im not sure what could be changed. I have however organised a small break from work (10 days) and in this time I will be able to move mum to her new home, get the boys organised for school and have a little time for me left over. I haven’t gambled, doesn’t mean that I haven’t thought about it or wanted to go to my old escape. The simple truth is that we are fairly lean on the financial front at the moment so im not complaining, everything happens for a reason and I have a feeling that our lack of funds is my guardian looking out for me. If I had the chance, well, I don’t know if I would or not, the exclusion keeps me away which is still my best barrier, I don’t particularly want to be put in the position where I could gamble.
      So, theres my update, not very exciting but geez I prefer that to my old life. My life is so much better without the gambling, I am making plans for my trip of a lifetime (not for at least 7 years) but im starting, im collecting books and information about places I want to go, im looking at what I want to do and see, its an exciting prospect. I have a feeling I will be travelling on my own which I actually think I would enjoy. Its not for a long way off but boy do these years fly and I want to be organised…….lol. So, on that note I will bid farewell. I am at work, a 12 hour shift and we are just starting to wind down for the day, I want to be out that door the minute the doctor leaves!!! For my lovelies that are feeling the cold right now, we have a week of 40c……ugh!!!
      Love you all, K xxxxxxx

    • #23750
      bettie
      Participant

      If you make it to the states let me know! I would love a meet up!!
      Bettie

    • #23751
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Sounds like a great plan and something to really look forward to. its great that you are planning for that instead of planning to gamble.. I am a carer for my mum too 🙂 I am so glad that you are still gamble free and it still astounds me and amazes me that it can be done.. i hope to follow your wonderful example though i have been a very slow learner.. i feel stronger about recovery today. People like you give me hope. Enjoy your time off and do something nice for you… Hows the bloomin heat!!!

      P

    • #23752
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good morning folks,
      I have a big week coming up next week, I am relocating my mum to a new nursing home. To say im stressed about it is an understatement. To top that off I feel my sister has handed over the reins to me, theres something going on there that I cant put my finger on but its unnerving and upsetting. She is very hot and cold with me at the moment and I have no idea why……im trying to wrap my head around the idea that it is her problem, not mine. That it is her, not me. So, I feel quite alone in all of this and am probably being over sensitive where she is concerned, I tend to take everything the wrong way (or I think its the wrong way, maybe its exactly as she is saying it). She was my rock through all of this, the one I could depend on. Something has changed. Its almost like she has decided she is not going to be involved. Thank God I have Jode, she is the only one I can talk to about all of this. So I am taking next week off, I need to go and buy furniture for mums room, set it all up, get some personal items down there and then go get mum next Wednesday. Jode is coming with me for support. To be honest, im scared. I don’t want to upset my mother, in truth, she will forget. But I wont. Im hoping it all goes very smoothly. So, theres my little rant for the morning, im at work and must go, we are pretty busy today. Thanks for listening, I think im babbling a bit, im having trouble getting my head around all these thoughts that are spinning around in there. I haven’t gambled, im aware of the stress I am under and im staying alert.
      Take care my lovely ones,
      Kathryn xxxxx

    • #23753
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn
      I haven’t spoken to you in ages but as it seems I am the first to see this post I will take this as a golden opportunity to catch up.
      I think it is common for siblings to find themselves not communicating clearly at difficult times like this when a parent is involved.
      I have a little note stuck on my wall that says ‘when someone is determined to find fault with me and judge me regardless of the truth the only way I can win is not to play’. I am not suggesting that anyone is playing but maybe your sister has lost her way a bit and I think it would be good for you to carry on, doing what you are doing, knowing that you are doing everything for the right reason and not dwell too much on the whys and wherefores of her behaviour.
      Your sister has been your rock and has been someone you could depend on – look after your mum and do what you have to do and hopefully your relationship with your sister will return as good as it was before.
      Don’t try and put your finger on anything – just be yourself and you will be fine.
      As Ever
      V

    • #23754
      vera
      Participant

      Sorry to hear you are going through so much stress Kathryn. Its bad enough having to watch your mother “slipping away” without having the added strain of isolation caused by your sister’s detachment. As Velvet says, siblings cope differently with family problems. I remember when my own mother (rip) had to move to a nursing home there was terrible dissension in the immediate family. At the time there were three sisters and one brother and because I was the youngest, I was always looked on as my mothers pet and now her little pet was turning into a big bad wolf and “putting her mother away”. It was a most awful time. All the rivalry and dynamics from early childhood reared their ugly heads and even now when I recall some of the scenes, I feel like putting my hands over my ears and letting out a loud scream.
      Just hold on to two things Kathryn.
      You are doing what is best for your mam.
      Things will calm down as time moves on.

      Just use the “one day at a time” motto.
      Everything will work out in the end.

      You are in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.

    • #23755
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Kathryn, Just continue doing the best you can do by your Mother. That is what matters now. Maybe your Sister is detaching herself because she can not cope with what is going on. Is it right? No!! But that isn’t your problem, it is your Sister’s problem to work out. Everything will be alright!! One day at a time.

    • #23756
      p
      Participant

      Keep that strength up, i always see you as a tower of strength, our own GT Wonder Woman. You can do this Kathryn, i know when it comes to family it is really hard.. you are doing the best for your mum. Its all you can do, please be kind to yourself. You are there for her and that is the most important thing you can give. Let your sister do her own thing, she will come round eventually and if she doesnt she is missing out.
      How are you handling the heat, i am sweltering, we have had temps in the high 30’s for a while now.. ugh, sweating profusely and just cant find a cool part of the bed at night to sleep.. Gotta love summer. Give me the cooler weather any day

      P

    • #23757
      p
      Participant

      Hey there, just popping in to say hi and see your thread has been a little quiet of late miss.. i do miss your regular posting. Would love to maybe catch you in chat again some day.. i am back on Skype too if ever you want a chat.
      I do hope things are going well for you, i am sure you loved the tennis i watched it on tv it was amazing.. i see we have switched weather patterns of late, you are in for some heat.

      P

    • #23758
      kathryn
      Participant

      Jodes husband asked me the other week if dames and I would like to come to Melbourne for the weekend next weekend and go to a show etc, I didn’t think dames would want to go but he did which surprised me greatly. I asked him tonight if he was looking forward to it, he grunted so I asked if he still wanted to go. He told me that if he could he would sell the show tickets and not go. So, as you can imagine I’m feeling pretty low. Coincidentally, eat, pray, love is on the tv. As I have been watching I have realised a few things….. I am a woman without a word, I look to others for my happiness, I am, for want of a better word, lost and I don’t know how to begin finding myself. I have found the person I was before my addiction took over my life, but I now realise that my whole life I have been covering up, ignoring my feelings, not rocking the boat, and as ketut on the movie says, I have lost my balance. So I am turning here for help because I have no idea where to start this search. Would anyone have any suggestions …..books, websites etc. I have to be proactive in this, happiness will not just drop in my lap. I know it’s a big ask seeing as I only seem to come here when I need something, I would be so grateful. Love to you all, K xxx

    • #23759
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn
      Your words have resonated all over this site and made a difference to so many people but I understand that you want that voice in your personal life too.
      By Dames being passively aggressive, he is seeking out your ‘people pleasing nature’ because he knows he can push your buttons. I believe that the way to deal with a person who is passively aggressive is not to ask questions that you think could come back with a negative. Dames said he ‘wanted’ to go so ignore his follow up grunt and miserable suggestion. The less reactive you are the less ability he has to be a party-pooper.
      Finding a voice isn’t easy but what you have described is Dames’ problem not yours, so don’t take it personally. It is difficult I think to empathise with a passively aggressive person when you obviously are not but maybe you could say something like ‘This sounds like it is going to be difficult for you but make the most of it’, rather than ‘you are ruining this for me’.
      Offhand I can’t think of any web-sites or particular books at the moment but I know you are capable of real happiness so go and squeeze every bit of happiness out of the weekend and turn a blind eye to anything that seeks to spoil it.
      Would you have gone if Dames had said ‘no’ at the beginning?
      If it is Dames’ choice to be a misery then let it be your choice to voice your opinion and declare that you are going to enjoy this weekend.
      Good to see you posting again
      V

    • #23760
      nomore 56
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, don’t know why I clicked on journal today and then clicked on your thread. Just random but your last post caught my attention. You said that you feel like you have no voice and I am very familiar with this feeling. I’m not a cg, my hb is and he was the one being passive aggressive before he started his true recovery. I, too, never really had a voice and it started way before I met my hb. Only when I was forced to deal with myself so to speak while my life was turned upside down by my cg’s horrible actions did I figure out what was really going on. The seeds of being not important, to not matter, to be without a voice and someone nobody really heard were planted in my childhood. At the end I was convinced, that this was just something I had to accept because I didn’t know any better. Long story but I wonder if you ever had a voice and if so, when it was silenced? What happened? Maybe it would be an idea for you to look into your family dynamics to start with? The family of origin plays a huge part in how we act and feel as adults without actually being aware of it. Weird as it sounds, even the order in which siblings are born is important. We develop certain roles depending on where we are in this order and it is fascinating how that influences our whole life. I had to read some great books for my college classes, “Lost in the shuffle” and “Family ties that bind” are two of them, don’t know the authors though. Just a thought, something that might interest you at this point in your life. I hope you have a great weekend!!! 🙂

    • #23761
      vera
      Participant

      When I was about your age I began the search for “Who I am”and I came across a series of talks given at a conference in the USA by Anthony de Mello who was a Jesuit priest. I was expecting to hear a rehash of all the religious messages which had been passed down through the years but these conferences were different. It is really a rediscovery of Life and an exercise in Self Awareness. At the time I got a lot from these tapes (now available on CD or online). I would strongly recommend that you tune in to this man (now deceased). He is very enlightening, funny, sharp and a great communicator!
      Awareness is the key to Life/Recovery/ and Freedom!
      Tune in, have a listen and Enjoy!

    • #23762
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Kathryn)))! I caught up on your thread and I can empathize with you about parents getting older and needing care, and how emotional it gets for us children, having to make care decisions for them. We thought we were looking at a nursing home admission for our mother when she fell twice in one day and was delirious for weeks and had a compression fracture in her spine. Fortunately for us she recovered well and was able to return to the seniors building she was living in before she fell, with supports in place for her. I know it is only a matter of time before she will not be able to live where she is, and that the brunt of the decision making will fall on my brother and myself. I inherited her cat as she can no longer take care of it, so I now have three cats. The cat travelled well on the plane but is really upset about being home with me, and there being 2 other cats here. I left my passive aggressive husband as his abusive ways got to be too much for me to handle. As the years clicked by, he became someone I could no longer have around me, as it affected who I was as a person. Recovery has allowed me to recover who I was before I became a cg, but it has also made me a more insightful person as to what my needs are. I have recognized my people pleasing ways and have outed people in my life that were toxic for me. I would recommend Melody Beatty books on co-dependency to get to a new level of finding yourself. Is your husband still gambling?? He seems not to like himself much as people that try and drag you down to their level have low self-esteem. Carole

    • #23763
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn

      Just wishing you a good week.. its sooooo hot here i am sweltering. Ugh, have to have at least two showers a day the humidity is a shocker. All in the 30’s.. which i watched on the weather that melbourne experienced too recently.
      Hope you are having a good week and that all is going ok with family and work.

      P

    • #23764
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I have been thinking of you. How are you? How is your Mother? When you have time, please post!!!

    • #23765
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      It has been too long…..thank you all for your replies and thoughts.
      As predicted the weekend away was a disaster, with hubby being an a$$ the whole time until I could take no more and finally lost it. Needless to say Sunday morning we were up and away at 5am, I had been told to get up or catch the train home. Knowing what I know I had packed at midnight. It was such a shame, although I now know I will never ever do it again. I have found myself some interesting books and am currently working my way through them, learning about myself, trying to bring positive forces into my life. And it seems to be working to a degree, although its difficult to do when living with the most pessimistic person on the planet.
      Mum, on the other hand is doing great, she has settled in brilliantly which is such a relief. I have been going to see her only once a week which gives me a bit more time during the week. It is a beautiful facility and currently there are only 6 residents in her wing, all women who flock together like a little bunch of sheep. The staff are wonderful, im happy to say a great weight has lifted off me.
      So, a small update, im doing ok 🙂
      You are all constantly in my thoughts, and as my wonderful friend Meg quotes…
      Sending love and light to you all
      Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #23766
      finding_laura
      Participant

      Omg Kathryn 🙁 I had no idea what you were going through this past couple months. I have been going through a lot of the same feelings in my marriage after the holidays and renovations. I’m sorry I haven’t been aware, i guess I’ve been busy wrapped up in my own latest let down. And I am so sore when I sit at my computer most of the time that I haven’t even really been able to focus on reading and writing posts. Anyway, I’ll save that for a vent on my own thread 🙂
      Glad your mom settled in! Sounds a lovely place 🙂 We need more of those in our world.
      So of course right now i miss our long chats as my mind is screaming to know details of what was hubby’s problem lol
      I need to read a whole library full of self help books but my list of things to do always feels endless and I have little mobile time to tackle it. Speaking of which my day off is filling up with things to do and I do need to get moving. Will do my best to catch up with you xo Laura

    • #23767
      p
      Participant

      Hi there K

      I am really sorry to hear of what is happening with hubby.. it is a shame that it spoilt the holiday time. I hope things are improving since you have got home.. good news on your mum that must be a relief for you that she is happy there. So nice that she has friends around her there too how good is that.
      I wonder if you could get a weekend away or a few days with your bestie and chill for a little while.. even an overnight stay or something with her.. maybe could give you a little space from the stuff going on with hubby. Not sure thats a good suggestion i really have no idea but thats what popped into my mind because i know you have a great time with your friend.
      Everything has its ups and downs, i seem to be a permanent roller coaster haha… hope things are heading upward for you soon..

      P

    • #23768
      p
      Participant

      Hi there Kathryn
      Just wondering how you are doing of late. Ive been plagued with urges for a few weeks they are driving me crazy but hanging in there.. hows things with you.. whats the latest update, miss seeing you round here and in chat

      P

    • #23769
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Kathryn)))! I’m so sorry to hear that your husband is behaving so badly towards you. That was mean-spirited of him to have told you to get up or catch the train home. I would have slept in and caught the train. That would have given him time to think about the way he treated you. How long have you been married? When a person gets into recovery, a lot of relationships don’t survive, because one person gets healthier emotionally, and becomes less willing to handle toxic behavior from their partner. Is your husband still gambling, and has it increased? You have managed your recovery brilliantly. Carole

    • #23770
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi Carole,
      Thank you for your post, Dames and I have been married for 22 years, you get less for murder!!!!
      He has calmed down after our awful weekend, I did tell him that I never want to be reminded of it again….ever!!! Its a lesson learnt, never again will I do that to myself.
      As for the rest of me, I’m at work, we are closed as the doctor has gone home and I’m sitting here waiting to leave…..ugh. I’m doing ok, I mentioned in Ps thread that I have been reading a lot, self help, and it really is helping me. I can only change myself and that’s what I’m trying to do, but boy, it aint easy!!! I’m working at it though. I now have a few days off for the Easter break. I’m looking forward to doing a whole lot of nothing!!! My computer at home is still not working, I haven’t got the money to get it fixed at the moment, hopefully not long, I have Harrys 10th birthday to get through at the end of the month and then hopefully…….
      I miss you all desperately some days, and I think of you the other days, but a day does not go by that one or more of you cross my mind. My very special family (yeah, I’ve been AWOL of late!!!)
      Anyway, Happy Easter to you all,
      Love K xxxxxxx

    • #23771
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      Harry got an iPad for his birthday so of course I am taking full advantage!!!
      Well, life is moving along. Nothing extrodinary, I am however enjoying it! Dames and I went away last weekend and had an absolute blast, slept in the back of our car and I danced all night. Driving to our destination, I said to dames that I imagined this was what Ireland looked like (if you’re reading Vera) rolling hills, green everywhere, just beautiful. When we arrived at the farm we pulled in the gate and I literally gasped, I looked At dames and said, we are in France! A huge gorgeous vineyard, super long driveway, little cottage at the end, it was magnificent. You could almost say I spent my weekend overseas! It was wonderful and has fully reinforced my resolve to take my lifetime trip when I turn 50. I’m still planning it, I am going to get myself a French and Italian dictionary and start learning the language. By the time I leave I should be fluent! I am planning to start in London and a trip to NYC on the way home. I know it’s so far away but I’m so excited already!
      So enough babble about my dream, I’m doing ok, work is oh hum but it’s work, I’m looking around for something else, no hurry…….. Kids are doing well, getting excited for breas wedding, under 6 months to go, what am I going to wear? Still soul searching, I doubt I’ll ever stop, there’s always something I’ll be pondering about. And gambling? I’m happy to report that I’m still gamble free, still struggling some days, looking for the escape….i doubt that will ever stop either.
      So, on that note I will bid adieu ( is that French????)
      Be kind to yourselves, remember there is always hope, no matter what……
      Love K xxxxxxx

    • #23772
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Kathryn, I was glad to see your post. It is good that life is going well. I love your plans for your lifetime trip. I would love to go to France. I am still working on that!!! You have a lot going on with the kids and upcoming wedding. Take care!!! Yes, there is always hope!!! I am happy that you are gamble free. I think it will always be a struggle sometimes but we keep up the fight.

    • #23773
      charles
      Moderator

      Great post kathryn, great dreams. The difference between the dreams we have now and the get rich quick fantasies we had when we were gambling is that your current dreams will one day become a reality.

      One day you really will have a “Bon vacance!”

    • #23774
      p
      Participant

      Thank you for your post… things are bad for me, the worst they have been.. ive created one catastrophic mess for myself.. gotta start the mop up today.. thank you for your inspiration. I only wish i could be as strong as you… i can only hope i can get as far in recovery and live life again. Be proud of you K..

      P

    • #23775
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi All,
      Well, I have had quite a day……..today I quit my job.
      I am not prepared to be spoken to like a second class citizen, in fact there was no speaking, screaming is more like it!!! Not the first time either, but definitely the last. I had to tell him over the phone as im not sure when I will see him, it was awful, I was sick to my stomach but I went ahead and did it anyway. I have no job to go to so I will be busy hunting for work. I have given 2 weeks notice and have a few weeks of holiday pay up my sleeve so all is not lost. I have given myself 4 weeks, surely something will come up. Im a firm believer in fate and I feel that this has happened for a reason. I can no longer work under someone who shows no loyalty, no respect, no trust and no confidence in me. Especially when I have been nothing but loyal, respectful, trustworthy and proboably not as confident as I should have been but I was improving. He is coming to see me tomorrow, when I said the words, I am resigning, he said, ok, no problem!! I doubt he will try and talk me into staying, in fact I prefer he didn’t. I will ensure that everything I have done since that clinic has opened will be finished with by the time I leave. This is a massive leap of faith for me. As my thread stated, Im a believer, and I believe that something is out there with my name on it. Life is too short to be treated in such a way, i treat people how i expect to be treated, i have never been spoken to like that by a boss before. I just hope that he thinks twice before talking to someone else that way!!!
      So on that note, i shall bid goodnight, i am exhausted!!!
      Love to you all, K xx

    • #23776
      vera
      Participant

      Well done on taking what I’m sure is a positive step, Kathryn (You don’t take negative steps!!!)
      This time last hear, I was still working . My Boss announced at a ward meeting that he was leaving (ten years before his due date).
      I caught a glimpse of his next in line, who to this day, I’m convinced pushed him over the edge and caused him to leave. G.U.I.L.T. was written all over her!She made an immediate announcement that she would “NOT NOT NOT” look for his job…..Suffice to say, she jumped in like a snot off a hot shovel as soon as he walked out the door and has made everyone’s life HELL since!
      Lots of staff left (myself included). The people who stayed and who keep in touch with me are at their wits end. She screams and bellows and would hang her own mother! No loyalty! I could not work in that environment Not for diamonds, yet I feel sorry for her. Bosses who are stressed need to quit! Unfortunately they pull a lot of good people down first. I hope you document all your grievances, K. I did!
      Of course you will have no bother getting a new job! Treat yourself to a month off first and maybe do a bit of agency work in the meantime! You can do anything you want !
      The only thing you can not do is gamble! ODAAT!

    • #23777
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you Vera. I woke this morning with a sense of dread, I need to face this man today and I’m nervous. While I know I’ve made the right decision I don’t want to see him. I feel physically ill. I want to get it over with.
      On a better note, I also woke this morning knowing that today, 5 years ago was the first day of my recovery. The first day of a gamble free life (one day at a time of course)
      I sometimes wonder if I have done this the right way, that I have done everything possible to ensure I am safe. I guess it’s worked so far. Without the support I have received here though, it may have been a different story. To everyone I have met along the way I am grateful. I also know that the monster is waiting, will always be waiting. I need to do my exclusion again, that’s my best defence. Stay aware, never let my guard down.
      A day of mixed emotions today. Another day gamble free.
      Love K xxxxx

    • #23778
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi K

      What more can I say other than I’m so proud of you. You’ve worked so hard to get the life you deserve.

      On your work front, we talked about it yesterday.. but I’d like to reiterate the importance of your awareness during this time. Emotions and uncertainty can and do produce urges. Stay aware and stay strong.

      Take Care

      H

    • #23779
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn

      Wow so happy you got out of that work situation.. so happy for you to that you have reached Five years, a whopping congratulations coming to you, wish i could say the same and should be as we have been here roughly the same time, you five years, me not even five days, and the proof is in the pudding, you have done fantastic.. so proud of you. I am still hoping that one day i can do the same.. im still hanging on

      P

    • #23780
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn
      It’s been a while since I posted to you but I do follow all your posts. It is wonderful to read that you have 5 years gamble-free behind you and here you are still inspiring others including me.
      I hope to read very soon that you have excluded again – awareness is so important especially when your emotions are jangled.
      You will have had your meeting by now with the man who could not control himself and I hope you are ok. He now belongs in yesterday as another experience and another obstacle that you have crossed with self confidence – well done. I think the way you have handled all the ups and downs is proof that you have done everything you could to keep yourself safe.
      I hope to see you post again soon
      As ever
      Velvet

    • #23781
      jackwilson
      Participant

      Your story has been truly inspirational for someone like me who is on day 2. Please keep up the exclusions and have a great day, one day at a time 🙂

      -Jack

    • #23782
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      Well, the meeting with the boss was about as eventful as a soggy tea bag. He asked me to give him my final answer the next day, and there was no discussion on any kind of resolution, I was secretly pleased, my mind is not easily changed. I called him the next day, yesterday and said that the resignation stands, Ive already started applying for jobs, fingers crossed my friends!
      So, I was thinking that I should be writing a journal, I’ve thought it for years, how lovely it would be to have one……I just read a few random pages of my thread……I have written every thought in my head on here for the past 5 years!! Who needs a journal?? I wonder if I could print it off? There are things in here from Harry going to kindergarten, dames getting a hole in his boat, my monobrow chronicles, dentist trips, fun times,sad times…..what a read!
      I’m working tomorrow then Harry has a soccer game on Sunday. I have 6 working days left! Eeeekkkkkk! Breas birthday on Monday, 23, how did that happen? Had a lovely day trip to Melbourne today with brea, jode and some other friends, a wonderful day, magnificent lunch in a trendy little alley, good wine, good company. I don’t know that I was such great company , I think I’m coming down from the week.
      So, there’s a little ramble……..lol
      Have a great weekend all, thanks for my posts, I thank god everyday for this wonderful site.
      Love K xxxxxx

    • #23783
      cat438
      Participant

      Kathryn WTG on standing up for yourself and not allowing yourself to be mistreated by some arrogant person. The posts you made and seeing your gamble free time was an inspiration to me when I started recovery. There is always a reason for things happening and you have decided that there is something better out there for you. I am so proud of you for having the guts to say enough is enough!!! Yes, it will be scary for you without a job, and if you don’t get another job right away you may get scared, but it all happened for a reason, and if I was a betting person (LOL) I would say that there is something better just waiting for you. Keep posting and happy job hunting!!! Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!!

    • #23784
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Congrats on your 5 years gamble free. That is a big accomplishment. I feel like a better job will come your way soon. Good for you in standing up to your soon to be ex boss. That must have been such a unhealthy environment to work in. Now you are going to find a new job, exciting!! Take care and have a great weekend.

    • #23785
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Kathryn, I was wondering how your Mother is doing??

    • #23786
      kathryn
      Participant

      Lizbeth, thank you for remembering my beautiful mother. She is good, settled in, although when I visit she is ‘going home tomorrow’. I take her cakes, lollies and biscuits, she loves her sweets. She is my heart and I’m so blessed to have her. She is going to live a long and hopefully happy life!
      I hope all is well with you lizbeth, take care my lovely friend xxx

    • #23787
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      i hope that all goes well with the job hunting.. Im glad you are not working somewhere with a boss like that.. its so much nicer if work is a nice environment..
      Well its getting chilly isnt it.. not compared to what winter would feel like to a lot here but im sitting here in an enormous dressing gown and big thick socks.. with a hot coffee.. think its 14degrees celcius but thats freezing to me..
      I hope things go well for the job hunting..

      P

    • #23788
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi friends,
      I’m ok, about to head to bed, on the job hunt…..I’m unemployed! Enjoying being home with the kids who are currently on holidays. Feeling a bit lost, Ive applied for 6 jobs, didn’t get 1, 5 still pending. I’ve got a few weeks up my sleeve, then it’s panic time! I know I will get something, I have to believe that or I’ve made a terrible mistake and my gut tells me I haven’t. So on that note I’ll hit the hay. Have a great weekend, happy July 4th for all my American friends, love K xxx

    • #23789
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Kathryn, Keep thinking positive thoughts. I know you will get a job soon. Enjoy your time with the kids. Sleep well.

    • #23790
      monique
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I hope you find the right job for you soon. You have been brave and you are doing all you can to get a new position. I hope you can enjoy the moments you have right now and won’t panic about the future. I think you will do well. Keep us up to date with events.

      Best wishes,

      Monique

    • #23791
      kathryn
      Participant

      Wow
      An amazing weekend, I spent it with others looking for our purpose in this life, I’m not sure I know what mine is yet, but I’m a step closer to it! Met some amazing people, made some interesting contacts and yes, even a few new friends. Brilliant!! I learnt so much I can’t really describe the feeling I feel right in this moment…..I have 2 job interviews this week, I’ve decided that I’m going to get the one I want the most, the interview is tomorrow morning. Should get to bed really but I’m a little pumped up to tell the truth! I’ve committed myself to something, I have no idea how I’m going to do it but I am!!! Did not have 1 second for a gambling thought to enter my head that’s for sure! Hope you have all had a good one, I’ll keep you posted, love K xxxxx

    • #23792
      Anonymous
      Guest

      How lovely to hear from you. The job hunt is miserable sometimes, but I’m glad to hear you sounding so positive about it all. It’s the only way to be really. You have been very fortunate in the past, so I’m sure that it won’t be long now before you have something great.

      How are the kids?? They must be so big and far ahead now. My eldest starts his final year of high school in September and my baby will be in his 2nd last year. I can’t believe it all. I’m having quite a hard time dealing with the fact that I am at this point of my life and feeling like I’m not even a quarter of the way to where I should be. As I told you before, I am not going down gracefully, so I’m focussing on putting all I can into not becoming too decrepid too fast. Lord, what a battle it’s going to be, LOL!!!

      Good luck on the search, but I’m confident you will be gainfully employed soon.

      Love, RG

    • #23793
      p
      Participant

      Hi there miss.. so glad you are finally getting some down time. I know you are not working at the moment and that is probably a good thing for you in some way as you are always so busy.. time to reflect i guess and re evaluate.. hoping in the right timing you find that job that is good for you too.. thanks for posting to me. Its always great to hear from you and i will always remember the time we caught up in Melbourne. 🙂

      P

    • #23794
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thanks for your posts rg and p……I have a job interview today, I need this job, I really really NEED this job. It’s been 6 weeks……I am so ready to work!! Wish me luck and I’ll keep you posted, K xxxxx

    • #23795
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      I am wishing you luck on your job interview. Take care.

    • #23796
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn
      I hope you update soon on your job search – you are in my thoughts such a lot.
      V

    • #23797
      p
      Participant

      Hi K how did the job go? I hope for you that you get it.. if not keep looking, something will be there for you. Wishing you good things today

      P

    • #23798
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi girls,
      Ta daaaaaaaaa……..I GOT THE JOB!! I am so so relieved and happy, I finally have a normal job, with good pay, great conditions and lovely people. I worked there Monday and today and they offered me the job this afternoon. I’m going to learn a lot, I’m going to love it!!! Oh happy days!!!
      Love K xxxxx

    • #23799
      janey1
      Participant

      So happy for you Kathryn 🙂

      Janey

    • #23800
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Yeah Kathryn!! Way to go!!!!

    • #23801
      desdemona
      Participant

      Dear (((Kathryn)))! Congratulations on your new job! It can be disheartening to look for employment and I’m so glad that part is over for you. You will rock that new job!!! Carole

    • #23802
      velvet
      Moderator

      Oh wow Kathryn – that is such great news. I will stop worrying about you now and just look forward to hearing all about it.
      Phew!
      You deserve a good job because you will do it justice – whoever has had the sense to employ you has got a gem
      Well done
      V

    • #23803
      monique
      Participant

      Well done, Kathryn. Hope it all goes really well for you, now.

      Monique

    • #23804
      marla
      Participant

      Came back here and while everything else has changed, I am so pleased to see you still here, still going strong! Way to go you! And congrats on the job 🙂

    • #23805
      charles
      Moderator

      Woo hoo!! Well done Kathryn, great news. if your new job involves an early start where you are then I hope you have time to pop in a group and share your coffee with me 😉

    • #23806
      Anonymous
      Guest

      So glad to hear about the job, our K. Hope you’re making new friends and loving every moment. How awesome is that … new job just as the summer starts on your end. Here’s to new beginnings.

      Love, RG

    • #23807
      Anonymous
      Guest

      So glad to hear about the job, our K. Hope you’re making new friends and loving every moment. How awesome is that … new job just as the summer starts on your end. Here’s to new beginnings.

      Love, RG

    • #23808
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      So pleased to read you have that job, that is just wonderful.. good things do happen when we dont gamble hey.. you are my miss inspiration you know that right.. so pleased for you. How is your weight watchers going? You are a champion in so many areas, proud of you my friend

      P

    • #23809
      p
      Participant

      Hi there Kathryn how are things going.. how is that new job? I guess you will be very busy with it now. I hope it is wonderful for you and that the people are nice you work with.. I’m sick at the moment but off to work.. feeling pretty ordinary but so happy i am not gambling today.. yeah shouting it from the rooftops as feeling pretty happy about it right now..
      Well i know i will no doubt hear from you soon but just wanted to say hi and not letting your thread slide down the pages.. here it is.. bling.. back to the top of the heap.. have a good day and hope your world is a happy one today

      P

    • #23810
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi K

      Sorry for being a tad slow i went on leave the day you posted this and Ive just returned… Im so chuffed you’ve found something that suits you, something that is going to challenge that brain of yours

      Enjoy H

    • #23811
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hey Marla its been a long time. How you doing ? Ive just looked for your old threads but unfortunately they seem to have gone… maybe a new one could be started

      Take Care
      Harry

    • #23812
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good morning friends,
      Thanks for your posts, Marla what a lovely surprise , I hope you are doing well and yes, although I don’t post a lot I come here whenever I can and I don’t think that will ever change!
      So, life……it’s going along nicely. Work is brilliant, such lovely people, long long days, I find myself utterly exhausted at the end of each shift. I’m only working 3 days but have found that my days off are always full of things to do and catch up on. I have 11 weeks until my beautiful daughters wedding, as it’s getting closer I find myself feeling total disbelief……..how on earth can I have a daughter old enough to get married, after all, I’m way too young!!! We have her first dress fitting tomorrow, it’s really exciting. My MIL has been staying with us for the last 3 weeks, she is a great help but it’s wearing a little thin.
      Gambling, well, I’ve had no urges, I really only think about how I’m going when I come here, it’s a non issue most days, in saying that, I will never forget………… And I will continue to stay aware and work recovery.
      Well, I must depart, I have the day off today and Harry has bike education which means he has to ride to school so guess who is riding with him! Yep, I’ll have helmet hair!!!!
      Have a great day everyone,
      Love K xxxxxxx

    • #23813
      p
      Participant

      Hi there Kathryn

      Well your life sounds so full and so much more contentment shining through in your posts today.. how exciting Brees wedding , how wonderful, a great event to celebrate.. i am sure you will have your hands full with that..
      So happy you love your new job.. 3 days is great.. then you have the chance to do other things on those other 4 days and have some time for yourself.. finally..
      I hope things keep going smoothly with work and life for you.. you have done a totally amazing job of this recovery.. keep going with it.. how is the exercise classes going and your ww groups.. are you still doing those? i know you reached your goal weight, something else i admire in you.. you seem to always set these goals for yourself and you just do them.. you remind me of the nike saying.. just do it.. way to go.. i think you are awesome

      P

    • #23814
      p
      Participant

      Thanks so much Kathryn for your post to me.. i am so glad you didnt act on those urges.. even after Five years yes you would be amazed that they just came out of the blue i guess.. that would be a shock, i seem to always think you’re ok.. but we all need to be just as on guard no matter how long we have off because all as it takes is one little coin to set us off again..
      Glad you took time to think.. well done. Maybe stick close to the forum for a while again. You might need some extra support if urges are popping up..

      P

    • #23815
      bettie
      Participant

      May you have many many more to come!
      bettie

    • #23816
      p
      Participant

      Hey Miss K

      No hiding on page 2 for you, get back to the top of the heap.. hows things. Whats happening in your world and how is that new job going. I was hoping to catch you in chat some time, i am on in the mornings a lot and i thought maybe we could chat some day on the day you are not working I’m on from pretty early.. hope to see you some time soon

      P

    • #23817
      kathryn
      Participant

      I don’t know where to begin really, I can’t quite believe I am writing this post…….i gambled.
      I know a few weeks ago I wrote to P that I had some urges. I thought I would be ok, my exclusion finished in June…..the addiction started to whisper.
      I knew for the last few weeks I would do it. Every time I made a plan something would happen to stop me. Fate maybe? It didn’t deter me. Last Saturday night I had a work thing on. I left at 8.30. I drove to the dinkiest dive where I knew I wouldn’t see anyone. I sat in the car park for a minute, looking in the windows to see if I recognised anyone. The coast looked clear. I went in. I got myself some coins and picked a machine, took a deep breath and put them in. I felt sick, that first push, I can’t describe the feeling, pure terror, guilt, disappointment in myself, It was like I had never stopped. I was off and gambling. I told myself I would leave in half an hour, in half an hour, in half an hour. 3 and a half hours later I walked out. Head pounding, my eyes almost fused shut, hungover from watching the spinning reels. I felt disgusting, the smell of the coins on my hands, the pit in my stomach. Financially no damage was done, emotionally it was wrecked. All that hard work, down the toilet. I wanted this, to ‘see’ how I would cope…..ugh. It took me 3 days to feel any kind of better. I have spoken to Harry, twice. I called the self exclusion program yesterday and am going to sign the deed next Wednesday. I haven’t told dames, or jode. I don’t know if I will if I’m to be honest. I’m still not in the best headspace. I have no intention of gambling again. It was a shot of reality, I am looking forward. Get my exclusion back in place, ensure I do not put myself in that position again before I sign the deed. That sick feeling, I haven’t felt that way for a long time . I’m not sure what set me off, sure I have some stress, I can’t put my finger on one particular thing.
      Anyway, that’s about all I can say. I will not waste one more second of my life sitting in front of a machine. The last 4 days I have thought about how or even if I would write this post. I could have easily carried on pretending. Who does that benefit ? This is the only place I can be me, the good, the bad and the ugly. Without fear of judgement. Thanks for reading, love K xxx

    • #23818
      Dunc
      Keymaster

      Hi Ya K

      I’m going to get in with my thought and beliefs.. although you’ve heard them already.

      Your sadness and frustration flows from your post, but the reality will soon start to take shape; and your come to believe that this is a slip (yes a slip) that you’ve undoubtedly learnt from.

      Kathryn we’ve spoken in great detail about this and whilst I can’t say what we’ve talked about’ what is clear is you’ve been under enormous stress in many aspects of your life over the last year. You’ve had to make decisions based on your head and heart at loggerheads with each other, and very little human support to bounce off or people to debate the pro’s and con’s of situations to make a decision based on views of many thus leaving you with doubts on your own decisions.

      Kathryn you’re a strong woman, back in 2009 when we first met you’d never have owned up to this so quickly, but this time you’ve stood up courageously and confronted your addiction head on and said “Enough”. ” so your line ” All that hard work, down the toilet ” just isn’t true. You’ve 5 odd years under your belt, you’ve proved your commitment and sure on this occasion the numerous triggers, lack of awareness and possibly a bit of testing have caught you out but at the same time you’ve proved to yourself that this addiction will bite given the chance.

      Your knowledge of this addiction is fantastic, your ability to recover from this is unquestionable. Build those barriers and next time an urge hits use your best tool…. your mouth

      Take Care K

    • #23819
      bettie
      Participant

      My dearest Kathryn,
      I can relate to the situtation you find yourself in. My heart aches for you. I know when I “slipped” at 16 months how devastated I felt. I dabbled with gambling with the same result over and over for about 6 months before I got fully back on the recovery road.
      You know what insanity is-doing the same thing and expecting a different result. A “return to gambling” is the same thing. I have to remind myself the thrill that I once felt can’t ever be felt again and all thats left is the pain.
      Praying for your continued recovery
      bettie

    • #23820
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn! All of your hard work isn’t in vain. It has helped you recognize that you don’t want to gamble! I gambled after my Husband’s death and I didn’t enjoy it! Don’t beat yourself up. Put the barriers up. Take care.

    • #23821
      p
      Participant

      My god. i am so proud of you. For being truthful and honest and sharing with us. You had a slip, it was small, not much money lost and you are back here straight away which to me is absolutely amazing. Once i get a taste i am gone for months. I am so happy that you have shared instantly and you are already looking at blocking yourself again. Those Five years of recovery are still with you Kathryn. You gambled a few hours, and you have five years clean still. I am so happy you didnt just leave and not say anything. It takes courage to admit it after all that time. You are still a success. I am in awe of you making five years and i am in awe that you have had a little blip but are back so quickly. I guess i thought it could never happen but i hear the stories of people having x amount of time up and going back out there.. keep it a slip and not a relapse… i can tell you, it just continues on otherwise and gets worse. Come back to the forum more and maybe the chat groups if you can. I dont know if i will make it but my journey is so much nicer for having people like you in it. Stay strong K. You are ok.

      P

    • #23822
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you for your unwavering support. I do feel like I’ve let everyone down. I’m the one…….the perfect example of ‘working recovery’.
      Vera, I put myself on that pedestal.
      Pride comes before a fall.
      It would never happen to me!
      How the mighty have fallen!
      I have been put back in my place, the addiction has seen to it. I guess I should say thank you, you may have won the battle, but not the war. I need that exclusion, to have the choice removed is so important, clearly I can’t make healthy choices without it. It changes my thinking, it removes any temptation.
      I am truly thankful to you all. I know I will be ok. How can I not with such a beautiful community who all have my back.
      I am truly blessed.
      Love k xxxxx

    • #23823
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn i am in the chat room if you want to talk

      P

    • #23824
      velvet
      Moderator

      Dear Kathryn
      You are still a perfect example of someone working recovery and that is not putting you on a pedestal – it is a fact.
      I am not surprised that you felt proud of yourself – you have been a guiding light to so many and what is more – you still are. I have never found you mighty – I have found you to be honest and brave, both of which will help you rise up from this saddest of places you find yourself in.
      Kathryn you have a big occasion in front of you – your beautiful daughter is getting married and she needs her mum – not a paragon of virtue but a loving, caring mum who has overcome one of the greatest challenges life can offer – a mum to lean on when life gets tough.
      If ‘you’ were thinking you were on a pedestal then that is a trigger you can now recognise and avoid at all costs – it has been a salutary lesson, one you have learned in the hardest possible way.
      Please don’t let this slip affect the life you have built around you – you are in a better place now than you have been for a long time. Use this site as the place to vent leaving you able to enjoy your daughter’s wedding, the job you love, cycling with Harry and all the other things in your life that are so important to your welfare.
      I look forward to hearing you have signed the exclusion and that you are firmly back in the driving seat again.
      I know you can live gamble-free – ‘Believe’
      As Ever
      Velvet

    • #23825
      icandothis
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you. I know you will be able to put this blip behind you. Perhaps this is what you needed to get your recovery back on track. Even if you were not gambling, maybe there were things you were not tending to. Like you! Have you been ignoring your own needs and desires? I know in my own life, I need to focus on making changes and taking responsibility for creating a new direction. Trying to pay attention to what it is I really want at this time in my life. When I am gambling I don’t have to focus on those hard questions and it slows down change. Even when I am not gambling, the strain and attention I give to trying not to gamble distracts me from figuring out what it is I could be doing to move my life forward and open myself up to change. You may not relate to this at all. Just sharing some thoughts. Take care and keep posting.

    • #23826
      cat438
      Participant

      Kathryn I thank you for being honest and sharing that you had a slip, as you are helping others understand that no matter how long we have not played those machines, we are not “cured”. The machines are an addiction to us and like any addiction we can still yearn them no matter how long we have played them. I quit smoking for 14 years and I started having just a puff, then one cigarette, and need I say more, yes I am smoking between 5 – 8 a day now. I have been promising myself that I will quit again, but have not, although I don’t smoke in front of hubby and family. I suppose what I am saying is don’t let the little “slip” pull you back in. Don’t test the waters again.
      You have been an inspiration to me on my recovery journey, and I did not put you on a pedestal, I used you as a way of seeing that it can be done!!!
      I am getting close to my 2 year Anniversary from playing those machines and I have tested myself so many times, that I fear putting one dollar in a machine, as I know I am not cured and never will be. Yes, there are days that I yearn to escape, have fun playing machines etc., but that is looking through rose coloured spectacles…. the reality is the aftermath of not being able to stop, the lying, sneaking around (like I am doing with my smoking). Thank you for your honesty and helping so many in their recovery. You are doing awesome and continue to be an inspiration to me and many on this site!!!!

    • #23827
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey K,
      I remember that feeling when I returned to the casino and slipped the money in the slot. I had gotten a drink, walked around the slots, deciding which one would be the “lucky” one that got my clean date from me. When I hit the button I heard the voice in my head say it didn’t matter because I didn’t matter. Like you too I had contemplated my “slip” wondering what it would be like.
      I got my answer and I would guess you did too.
      I was reading your earlier posts- your page one from 2009. I am so glad I kept my thread because I can look back and so can you. You got some great advice then that is still true today. I saw a post from Vera-and I wonder about those that posted then that don’t post now. Are they still in recovery? I hope so.
      bettie

    • #23828
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn,

      I see you are already getting great support from others. Well done on your honesty, I’d say that shows how far you have come. Your gamble free time isn’t in vain; the date of your last bet may have changed but the work you have done in recovery is still there.

      Get back to basics, you know what works. Get your barriers in place, post here, I used to quite often see you in groups but haven’t in a while, check out the group times and you will see some of them have changed. Check again at the end of the month as our clocks change here so the times will change again where you are.

      Again, well done on your honesty. Hopefully see you in a group again soon – just don’t mention the cricket. 😉

    • #23830
      Anonymous
      Guest

      There are a million things going through my head as I search for exactly the right thing to say. Everything seems trite. Truth be told, I’m downright angry. At life. For not being perfect.

      Kathryn, you’ve worked hard, you’ve been kind and loving to everyone who needed support — you don’t deserve to feel bad — so don’t. Today, I’m railing at what I deem to be the unfairness in my life, and the fact that the addiction rose up and grabbed you in after all this time (albeit for just a blink in time) makes me mad.

      Still, I know you’ll be alright. Just stick to the plan of getting the self-exclusion done. That is your magic bullet, so use it. Stay steady, Aussie Girl, and get your eyes back on your great life. It’s going to be fine.

      Love, RG

    • #23829
      Anonymous
      Guest

      There are a million things going through my head as I search for exactly the right thing to say. Everything seems trite. Truth be told, I’m downright angry. At life. For not being perfect.

      Kathryn, you’ve worked hard, you’ve been kind and loving to everyone who needed support — you don’t deserve to feel bad — so don’t. Today, I’m railing at what I deem to be the unfairness in my life, and the fact that the addiction rose up and grabbed you in after all this time (albeit for jut a blink in time) makes me mad.

      Still, I know you’ll be alright. Just stick to the plan of getting the self-exclusion done. That is your magic bullet, so use it. Stay steady, Aussie Girl, and get your eyes back on your great life. It’s going to be fine.

      Love, RG

    • #23831
      p
      Participant

      Hi my friend how are you going? I hope things are ok for you.

      P

    • #23832
      paul315
      Participant

      My Dear Kathryn,

      I just learnt today of your recent gambling, and on doing so looked back on the past few days of the different post to your page. One thing that stood out to be in your announcement, other than feeling you hurt and devastation, was the few words of yours that I used for the subject for my posting — “All that hard work, down the toilet”.

      All things are not down the toilet, all the you have learned during the past five years, all the help and support that you have given others, and all the closeness that you have managed to nourish and to hold on to with your family is still alive and present in your life. The only thing that needs to be flushed down the toilet is the incident itself, set it aside and keep on your forward advancement of the road of recovery — “Recovery is progress, not perfection”.

      Most everyone here knows this, even if it is hard to see at times, and all but a very few have not veered off the path. As Harry made aware in his post to you, Reality is not that you slipped, but it is that you have undoubtedly learnt from your experience. So keep moving forward and keep on experiencing the great adventure of living – but living and thinking in a more normal way.

      Your friend,
      Larry

    • #23833
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hello my lovely GT friends,
      I’ve had a bit of a time trying to log on here, not sure if it’s my end or GT’s…..anyway I’m on my phone, I find I don’t post as well as it’s too slow to type! Anyway……
      Last week I told my very best friend about my ‘slip’, I am truly so so fortunate to have such a beautiful person in my life, not only did she feel guilty that I gambled (crazy I know), but she also put the date in her phone and came with me to exclude last week. The relief was instant, what a wonderful feeling to not have to think about it anymore, I’ve removed the temptation, one less thing to worry about! I have told dames of my exclusion, nothing else though, it’s the decision I’ve made. So I’m ok, my work has dropped a little for a month, I’m so pleased I can’t go there anymore, stress is a big trigger for me. I may have to start walking more, only 4 weeks until the nuptials, it’s a good way to relieve the stress and ensure my dress fits!!!!!
      As always, thank you all for your unwavering support. I feel I don’t deserve it but please know tgat you all mean the world to me. Take care friends, K XXX

    • #23834
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn! You do deserve our support as you are always supportive to others here. I am glad that you have excluded yourself from the casino. That is a barrier that I put in place in the city as I am surrounded by casinos. I know that people do gamble when they are banned but I am too scared of getting caught! I am glad that you have a friend with whom you can share this with. That support really helps! Take care!

    • #23835
      p
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn

      So relieved to see your post. So happy you are able to exclude. I even considered moving states at one stage to be able to have that in place, wow it would be so much easier. So glad you have that opportunity so make the most of it and glad you have. I sent many letters and met with people complaining of the exclusion system in this state. Small changes happened but none big enough to really make a difference.
      Its wonderful you told your bestie about your slip. It would be a relief to get it out.. I told mine too that i had a gambling problem and she had no idea at all and was soooo shocked.
      Glad i did though because now when i go to my meetings she knows where i am constantly running off to. hehe.
      Just so pleased to see you here again i was worried when there were no more posts that you had gone out there again… so glad you didnt.
      Keep posting and reading.. maybe we will meet up in chat one of these days. I’m usually on in the mornings if you are around.

      P

    • #23836
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, How is your Mother doing??

    • #23837
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      I had my daughters hens day Saturday. We hopped on a disco bus and headed off. It was great fun, I had to wear the mother of the bride sash…lol. We ended up at this groovy little bar and then to the seediest nightclub in town! I got home at 2.30! I wasn’t going to leave brea and we actually had the opportunity to have a good talk. My gambling affected her the most out of my children and although I can’t change what happened I acknowledged her feelings. I think she felt better which was my aim. We ended up eating greasy McDonald’s and called dames for a ride home. I spent nearly all day yesterday in bed…..Lol. I’m not as young as I think I am!!!
      So I don’t have a lot of work this week which is a shame, I can’t do much about it, we just need to tighten the purse strings a bit. Thank god for my exclusion, the pressure would be a huge trigger right now.
      Well must go and do some housework,
      Take care my friends,
      Love K xxxxx

    • #23838
      icandothis
      Participant

      It sounds like a grand time, Kathryn! Enjoy!

    • #23839
      p
      Participant

      Hiya my friend… i felt sad reading your post about Brea.. i too remember how proud of her you are and your love for her always shone through your posts.. i remember you got her tickets to Britney spears and yes the purple car and you were always gushing about her as a daughter. I think we and you know how much she was and is loved.. parents are easy to blame for everything, i think deep down she knows.. you are just an easy target right now..
      Im so glad K that you got back on that horse, i am amazed at how quickly you got back up and that is the best news i could read, you have done a marvellous job of your recovery, you had one blip in all those years.. and got straight back here after one episode, that is not bad!!!! I admire you how you have changed your entire life around. You are a great mum to your kids and you are a great model of recovery.. have a good day chicky

      P

    • #23840
      bettie
      Participant

      I read about Brea and Kathryn my CG girlfriend had the same issue with her Girls wedding. She was feeling very shut out and excluded.
      I think maybe the girls are having growing pains-they are calling the shots now and think they know it all.
      In the end they all need their Mom again!
      bettie

    • #23841
      p
      Participant

      Hi there just want to say hi and hope you are doing ok today.. how are things panning out with Bree and the wedding.. i am glad that you found a job that you love that is really a positive in your life. Ive been on a bit of a downer but i had a really good sleep which helped me a lot. Hope you are getting your rest and looking after yourself too. You are special person.

      P

    • #23842
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      Just wondering how you are going lately.. whats happening with you.. how was the wedding.. you are probably still getting over it its such a huge event to be involved in. I hope it was wonderful, hope you had the best time seeing your Bree get married.
      Give us the details soon..

      P

    • #23843
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all, P thanks for bumping me up……
      So, I have a married daughter! I still can’t quite believe it! The day was of course, perfect! Brea looked absolutely stunning, I wish I could post a photo for you all to see! It all went so smoothly, she was amazingly calm, no hissy fits, just fun and relaxation . I could go on and on and bore you all to death but I won’t!
      Apart from the wedding I am just working, it’s busy and I know how daunting Christmas can be for a cg. I remember trying to win money for presents, panicking that I wouldn’t have enough and never having enough because I had gambled it all away…..ugh. This year I’m feeling a lot less panicked, only because I haven’t done a lot of shopping yet! We are going away on the 27th for a week camping and I am soooo looking forward to that.
      I haven’t really thought about gambling since my self exclusion. That in itself is the best Christmas present I could ever give myself.
      Well, I have the day off and need to get cleaning. Love to you all, K xxxxx

    • #23844
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Kathryn – nice to see you post again. Self exclusion is the best thing since sliced bread (not sure you have that saying down under). Starting the middle of November for me was always a hard time being a sports better. There were so many games every week – could be in action every day.

      Now after 8 years without gambling, I can enjoy the holidays and not worry about how to get money to buy gifts and place bets… now is so much better than then.

      Stay strong in your resolve not to gamble today… one day at a time.
      Lee

    • #23845
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all
      I was put in an impossible situation tonight….at a venue, dames work breakup. I could scream. I could not say I was a cg. You know how open I am, how honest I am about my addiction. I spoke to dames, panicked. He said, you’ll be right and proceeded to go and find a machine to play. I put his needs, feelings, whatever the hell you want to call it before mine and had to stand at a machine with the bosses wife. I went to the toilet, I got a drink, I went for a cigarette, anything to get out of that room. Dames is embarrassed about it. I felt I couldn’t open my mouth and yes, I pushed that damn button with the wife and another woman all the while waiting for the tap on the shoulder. I am sick about it. The relief when it was gone was extraordinary. I felt so pressured, she kept telling me it was my turn to push and she wouldn’t quit when I said I was happy to just stand there. Dames was off spending all our money and is now in bed as mad as hell. I don’t feel I slipped, I almost feel violated for want of a better word and I am PISSED that dames didn’t help me. Never again….if it’s there next year I am busy!!!!! Rant over
      Love K x

    • #23846
      bettie
      Participant

      “Don’t go in or near Gambling establishments” -ga yellow book.
      This is becoming harder every day. Gambling is popping up everywhere here in Illinois since vlt’s came to town. Restruants, bowling alleys, cafe’s-heck even the Church runs Bingo games. The grocery has self serve lottery games.
      I guess we will forever have to wear blinders where gambling is concerned.
      Is hubby wanting you to “rejoin” him in his gambling so he can blame you when he looses?
      I wonder if there is an alternative motive there-we know how the CG mind works.
      bettie

    • #23847
      p
      Participant

      Well i know that i could not be in a venue without pushing that button either.. i think you were lucky to get out of there.. i know you didnt initiate it but its the actual visual of all the machines etc and just being in the environment that can trigger us later on.. i am glad you are ok and i have to say i think your husband is really senseless when it comes to your addiction.. after you tell him and he trots off to a machine and plays.. omg i was kind of mad when i read that.. is he becoming the cg? is he trying to get back at you for your gambling? i dont get it.. if he was an alcoholic would you say hang on dear im just getting a beer.. you just sit there with one but dont drink it.. hmmmmmm. sorry hope this isnt offensive just was a bit mad for you.. i am glad you are ok though Kathryn and i hope you have a really wonderful christmas

      P

    • #23848
      kathryn
      Participant

      2015…….
      Hi everyone,
      I just finished writing my sad tale of Christmas woe on Vera’s thread and am not keen to write it again on my thread so I won’t!
      My New Years was brilliant. We went camping on the Murray river. Beautiful spot, great company, just me, dames, the boys and my brother and sister in law. A week of swimming, eating, drinking and general laziness! I went back to work yesterday feeling relaxed and rested.
      I’m happy to say that this year I’m actually feeling really positive about making some plans. Now that the debt is paid we can finally look at our financial situation and not feel physically ill!
      My work is about to pick up, I’ve been working 3 days a week, the pay is pretty good and I’m almost on a full time wage. AS of next week I’m picking up an extra day. We have decided to save that days pay, we have been living without it for a while.
      I can actually see a little saving in our future. Who knew? Me, the cg, couldn’t pay a bill, could barely feed the family actually saving some money! I’m excited at the possibility. I feel like I’m finally growing up and living like a normal person.
      We have never planned anything, it’s just been too hard.
      Almost 6 years paying off our debt, that’s a feat in itself really.
      I don’t have a lot of other plans for this year, I have my tennis trip at the end of the month with my sister, we have a week away in March and that’s about it. I’m going into 2015 feeling stable and not stressed.
      Lets hope it stays that way!
      Love K xxxx

    • #23849
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn

      I hope 2015 is an awesome one.. so happy you are going into this year with hope.. things are turning round for you by the sounds of it and it is wonderful that you are loving your work.
      So happy that you got yourself turned around so quickly… that is a miracle to me. I know if it were me i would still be out there, well done.. you have done amazingly well on this journey and your debt is almost all done.. wow. You have come so far, one little blip in all those years is pretty amazing K.. all the best to you and your family

      P

    • #23850
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn

      I hope 2015 is an awesome one.. so happy you are going into this year with hope.. things are turning round for you by the sounds of it and it is wonderful that you are loving your work.
      So happy that you got yourself turned around so quickly… that is a miracle to me. I know if it were me i would still be out there, well done.. you have done amazingly well on this journey and your debt is almost all done.. wow. You have come so far, one little blip in all those years is pretty amazing K.. all the best to you and your family

      P

    • #23851
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn. Happy 2015! When you described your Mother watching you as you left from your visit, it was heartbreaking. My Mother is beginning to have issues with her memory. She doesn’t remember things that were said the day before. (short term) If I remind her what was said, she gets confused and angry. I can only imagine how that must feel. She asked me to bake a special cake for Christmas (one that her oldest Sister used to make). I made it and on Christmas day I mentioned that she had wanted me to make it for her and she told everyone that she never said that. She had given me the recipe. I knew nothing about this cake till then. I can see myself in your story. I know it is hard for you!!! I am wishing you the best year ever. Take care.

    • #23852
      p
      Participant

      Hey how are you going these days Kathryn
      I hope that life is treating you well.. i was so pleased to see how much you love your job that certainly makes life easier..
      Hope your day is a good one and hope to hear from you soon

      P

    • #23853
      p
      Participant

      How are you my friend.. i know you will be ok re gambling because you are banned everywhere, but how are things.. you are quiet.. the quietest you have been.. come back and share how you are doing.. hope your days are good ones..

      P

    • #23854
      p
      Participant

      Nope, you are too quiet for my liking.. I miss the days you and Laura would post often, but things do change, time goes on, people come and go, just saying I miss you here and would love to hear from you again.

      P

    • #23855
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      P, as always thank you so much for thinking of me.
      I still pop in occasionally for a look at the forum……so many new names! To be honest I don’t have a lot of news. I’m happily boring!!!
      I’m working a lot. Full time hours in a 4 day week, needless to say I’m exhausted by the time I get home and unfortunately I then have to do the mundane home chores. By the time I sit down I’m ready to fall down!
      I have taken a sick day today, i have an infection and am feeling yuck so a lazy day for me.
      The family are all well, it’s a fairly happy household at the moment which is refreshing! I’m looking forward to a weeks holiday next month and I have a wonderful circle of friends, we catch up regularly.
      So, that’s my life. My post gambling life. No drama, no problems (well, apart from life’s normal ones) no panic, no sick feeling.
      I never thought it possible.
      It is possible.
      I talk about my addiction a lot. It aids my recovery. It reminds me of what I have been through and how I don’t want to ever go back. I will always be a cg. Always! I will forever work recovery.
      Take care my friends.
      K xxx

    • #23856
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn! I am so happy that everything is going well for you! Things around here have changed. A lot of new people and the old timers (LOL!) don’t post much anymore. Take care.

    • #23857
      kpat
      Participant

      Just wanted to say thanks to you. You were the first to write on my thread. I read it often. Your words went straight to my heart when I was in so much pain and inner turmoil. I am glad that you don’t need to be here as often, glad for you and hopeful for myself. 🙂

    • #23858
      icandothis
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I wanted to thank you for your post on my “March Madness” thread. Kpat had asked about the March pledge for some accountability, so I obliged. I have to admit, I do worry at times about things I have posted. I always have good intentions, but I would never want to offend anyone or hurt their feelings. But, I have never worried or given a thought to the fact that what I say might actually trigger them to want to gamble. Just typing those words chokes me up a bit.
      This basketball tournament is a big deal in our family. My husband is glued to the TV. If our team is doing well, we usually end up at some party or local pub watching it with our friends. THIS IS CRAZY…I AM HESITANT TO EVEN TALK ABOUT IT. In all these years, neither my husband nor I have placed one bet on any game. So, I didn’t even give it a thought when I mentioned it. Just thought i’d be bit clever in the March pledge using a play on words. Was it thoughtless of me not to give it a second thought? Perhaps, this is after all a site for compulsive gamblers. If I had thought more about it, maybe I wouldn’t have used that play on words. But, should I have not mentioned a basketball tournament, when there are those reading who struggle with sports gambling? I don’t think so. I really don’t. And I do appreciate the fact that you spoke up. So thank you again for that.

    • #23859
      icandothis
      Participant

      PS…I am glad you found a new job. I hope you enjoy it and it is working out for you!

    • #23860
      icandothis
      Participant

      Deleted posts on my thread. No apologies; no explanations! I don’t trust that my thank you to you won’t be deleted also. So, if it is. I just wanted to say thank you. Words cannot explain the emotions I am feeling right now. I am struggling. Feeling like I want to call it quits and find another road to recovery. If it weren’t for you and many others like you I have met here on this path, that decision would already be made.

    • #23861
      icandothis
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I wanted to share something positive that came out of what happened. I do want to share this, but right now we have another leak, and water is dripping into our bedroom. I discovered it just now as I started to post. My husband has go outside and chisel ice out of the gutter outside of our bedroom. We have already spent $5,000 trying to solve this leakage problem. My husband is so angry.
      Still, I did want to share something positive, so I will get back to you later.

    • #23862
      icandothis
      Participant

      The water leakage problem is not solved, but things have calmed down, as we have done all we can. Back to my story.
      We all know the feelings of guilt and regret and also silence around our gambling. It was not a secret between my husband and I, but it was something which came between us that we never talked about.
      My husband never, ever wanted to talk about my gambling. Just this terrible thing we could not talk about. And I think this seeped into my recovery as well. Even though i am working to change, working on recovery, there is a loneliness, shame and silence around that as well. A piece of me i cannot openly share. Just as my gambling was.
      So, Friday, i asked my husband if i could share something that had upset me concerning this site…he does know i post on a gambling site. To my surprise, he said, “sure.” I told him what had happened. It felt so good to share this with him. Share a bit of my recovery. Who i am right now. I think i have carried my shame into recovery. As if my recovery, especially since is has not been perfect, is something to be ashamed of and not shared, just like my gambling was. Which makes recovery almost as lonely as the addiction itself.
      Anyway, it felt good to share this with him, and by the way, he did not think it was handled very well either.
      I believe there is always a silver lining, and in this situation, this was mine. Just wanted to share this with you.
      I am determined to stay to strong. Thank you so much!

    • #23863
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn…

      So glad things are going well for you now. Your slip was a small one and i am so glad that you got straight back on track and it didnt drag you back out there well done..
      Good to see you back into the normal world so quickly.. its great inspiration to me to read of your recovery always has been.. you are one strong woman..

      P

    • #23864
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hello dear friends,
      Time for an update…..nothing too exciting I’m afraid!
      I’m doing ok, I have been working a lot, it’s exhausting, 10 & 11 hour days, I’m not used to it and I feel like I’m never going to! I do love the job, the pay is good, the people I work with are lovely, I do however feel somewhat overwhelmed……I’m having a hard time keeping up with everything, home, kids, washing! I sometimes feel like I’m sitting in a chair and the world is whizzing past me at 100million miles an hour. Not sure how to deal with it, I’ve put a roster up for the kids, chores and such to help me out, Dames does some……I’m hoping it’s just going to sort itself out as we go along.
      I’m going camping this week, and I’m soooo bloody excited! A whole week, sitting by a beautiful river, doing nothing but relaxing with a great group of friends! All of us girls have bought ourselves a deluxe lounger, it’s a lilo of sorts and we are going to get the boys to drive us up the river, tie them all together, and float down to camp…..I’m calling it the continental drift! It should be a hoot and I’m sure if we do it once we will do it 50 times! I’m so looking forward to it ( can’t you tell?)
      Home is good, all well, not a lot to say on that front really, no change.
      So, that’s my news, this time next week I’ll be in a state of bliss…..lol
      Take care friends,
      Love K xxx

    • #23865
      p
      Participant

      Enjoy that time out , you so deserve it.. love it that you are in recovery land..

      P

    • #23866
      kathryn
      Participant

      Wow, 2 months since my last post, time really does fly!
      I’ve been busy, I have a couple of new projects in the works, firstly we have bought a little caravan, it was too cheap to pass up. Damian has gutted half of it and is putting in a new bed for us. I have managed to pick up a few things we needed (including the bed mattress) on an online, local site. It means that for very little money we are going to have a wonderful van. I was thinking this morning that thank god these sites weren’t around in my action days, I would surely have sold everything and we would be living in an empty shell of a house! Our first trip is in about a month so I’ll be interested to see how it all goes.
      Secondly I have started ‘updating’ some old furniture in my house. I’m painting it all and making it look old! I’ve done one piece and am really happy with the result. I’m eager to get stuck into a few more and the only thing stopping me is time. Weekends have been full of painting and sanding. Im pleased I have found something I enjoy that is a great time filler. Daylight savings have finished here so unfortunately I can’t get out there after work and it’s getting a bit cold here now.
      I have managed to overcome another addiction. Since I was 5 years old I have bitten my nails to the quick. For the first time in my life I have managed to grow them and they really look quite nice! I’m constantly filing and painting them. It’s amazing how much I talk with my hands now, as if talking with my mouth wasn’t enough!!!!
      I have not gambled. I have not thought of it, well, only in passing. I don’t think about going anymore, it’s more if I see something or hear something that reminds me, my exclusion is in place, and I feel safe and secure.
      Work is good, busy of course. My boss is having 2 months off so my hours are sure to reduce. I’m not too stressed, firstly there’s nothing I can do about it, secondly I’ve budgeted before and can again. We used to live off very little when I was gambling. We will manage.
      I’m going to visit a few threads now, take care, all of you,
      Love K xxxxx

    • #23867
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      It was good to see your post! I think that is awesome that you are refinishing your furniture. I bought a old end table recently that needs to be refinished. Maybe I will tackle it! I am happy that everything is going well for you. I also am a nail bitter and stopped when my Grandson was born. I now get my nails done every month! You will have to keep us updated on your first van trip. Take care.

    • #23868
      p
      Participant

      Hi i was so glad to see you post.. what wonderful news you have for us too.. how good you have a hobby so good to see, something different and its so good to have new interests.. how good is getting a little caravan too, you can go on little trips it will be so much fun..
      wahoooo nice nails, ummm mine are looking a bit shabby i have trouble growing mine too.. well done.
      So nice to hear from you again

      P

    • #23869
      vera
      Participant

      Great to see and update from you Kathryn and thanks for the post on my thread. You and I go back a long way but our recoveries don’t match, sadly. I botched up too often!
      A caravan!! AHH!
      That brings back memories! When my “baby” was 8 months old we bought a little caravan with a big awning and decided to try it out. “If the baby sleeps, we’ll stay for the weekend”, I said ! He slept and we ended up staying at that seaside for A MONTH!!!
      That’s how irresponsible I was even before I started to gamble!!!! I was a “stay at home mother”then. Hubby had two jobs! He commuted from the caravan ever day on a motor bike and left me the car. He built a creel to keep the baby from rolling out of the bunk. At the end of the month he ( baby, not hubby!) climbed over the creel and that was the end of our first weekend away in the caravan and the start of many more long weekend breaks !
      All in my pre gambling days.
      I’m so happy you are G Free Kathryn and reaping the rewards. You deserve the very best. Hope your mam is keeping well. I often think of you and her…
      Oh! for the good ol’ days!
      Tempis fugit!

    • #23870
      p
      Participant

      Wishing you a good happy gamble free week this week, just saying hi, gotta keep putting you back at the top every now and then hey..

      P

    • #23871
      p
      Participant

      Ok, where are you woman???? Where is our update on your holiday.. im sure you had a wonderful time.. miss seeing your posts.. come back and update us..

      P

    • #23872
      kathryn
      Participant

      Oh Lovely P,
      thank you girl for remembering me. Sometimes it feels like I have been away for so long that I have nothing to say. Of course, once I start typing……
      The caravan is absolutely brilliant!!! we have been on 2 trips since my last post and I just love it. Ive bought myself a pair of winter wellies, grey with pink polka dots!!! Perfect for camping! We aren’t due for another trip now until September, it is soooo cold we are waiting for a bit of sun to go again, and of course it gives us time to do a few things to the van. We almost have it set up perfectly.
      Dames and I have 5 glorious days in Darwin early August, my sisters 2 sons partners had their babies on the same day, so its only fitting they are getting christened on the same day and I decided we really needed to go and catch up with my northern family. I miss them. Its only a few days but im sure we will have a lovely time, especially if dames gets some fishing in!!!!
      So, gambling news……..on the 11th June I hit the 6 year mark. 6 years and 1 slip….not bad for someone who was so consumed with gambling that her whole life went to hell. Just another day of course, I did remember and I did quietly smile to myself. I never ever ever thought I could go a week without gambling, let alone 6 years!
      So….that’s me for now. Im doing ok, the last 6 weeks or so have been pretty tight, Dames hasn’t had a lot of work and neither have I for that matter but we have managed to scrape through. Im back in full swing now and hopefully Dames is too. Im really living a day at a time at the moment…..difficult to look ahead when the money is short but hey, it could be a hellava lot worse that’s for sure!!!
      Im going to have a quick browse through the forum. Hope you are all doing as well as you can do, today.
      Love K xxxxxx

    • #23873
      vera
      Participant

      Where did those 6 years go Kathryn? Time flies. Think of all the money/time/energy/hope/esteem/peace of mind/dignity/health/relationships etc etc etc you would have lost in that 6 years if you hadn’t called a halt. I only wish, I had followed your example but all I can do now is count the times I was G free as my bonus times. I have had very long “dry” spells. Of course every time we gamble , we undo the good work, but heyho!, I see my debt reducing, my life improving (somewhat) and today I have peace of mind which is priceless. I would love to be able to bob into a casino (Hell for a CG, we must remind ourselves always), pop fifty euro in a machine, get a few wins and walk away laughing but that will never happen for a CG. We will “bob” in alright, but when I drag myself out 10, 12.20 hours later, I know I will have put a few more nails in my coffin. Who wants that?
      As for my Catholic Faith, K. I think it’s like GA or GT in many ways. We run away when we can’t bear to hear the truth, i.e. we are being required to “do things differently”!
      You were FAR too young at 16 to be cynical. You are still too young to be anything but hopeful, optimistic and openminded.
      How is married life treating Brea?

    • #23874
      p
      Participant

      The caravan sounds perfect.. love it. Congratulaions on your Six years that is so wonderful.. what an achievement.. i only hope i can continue on like that too.. dong a day at a time like you too.. its hard to contemplate a lot of things so i too hold tight to just for today… so good to se eyou here again..

      P

    • #23875
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn,

      Glad you are doing well. Maybe pop into a group sometime if you have time, it would be good to see you. You can even mention the cricket! 😉

    • #23876
      female g
      Participant

      I wanted to take a moment to thankyou for your unending support and friendship. Its means everything to me. I am going to be ok I think and as long a i keep my barriers in place I can get through the hardest part. My brain at the moment is racing in many directions and its a battle right now. I know that I can’t carry on gambling because it could destroy our livelihood and our future retirement. I won’t let that happen though I see how possible that is.
      I had a bad incident that made me realize that i had to come completely clean with my hubby. I did that and have his full support as long as I never go again.
      With that in mind I risk alot and have too much to lose. He has agreed to keep this between us but will let the family know if I start up again. That would be the end for me so I must do what must be done, quit once and for all.
      I am resolved to remove gambilng totally this time. I know it wil be hard because frankly I love it. Why I am really confuses me. There are so many down sides but the excitement seems to over rule the reality. If it had no down sides I’d live in a casino!! Anyway that is behind me now and life must go on. I will find life after gambling again and I will settle for the simple pleasures again xoxo FG

    • #23877
      p
      Participant

      Hiya just wanted to stop by and say hello, see how you are doing today and hoping all is well this week for you.
      Its been freezing here but not as cold as where you are i know. Im happy to be able to say i like you today K are gambling free.. what a wonderful thing hey.. hope all is good for you

      P

    • #23878
      Katbriver
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn,
      I just read your story, and I hope you’re doing well. I wanted to write to you for your insight and perspective. My mom has been gambling since I was 13 years old, and even though I’m 36 now with 2 children of my own, I still get hung up and hurt by her.
      I guess I’m wondering if there is anything I can say to her that will get through to her that we all feel like we’ve lost our mother?…or is it better to distance myself and protect my heart?….
      I’m really feeling overwhelmed lately and feel like I’ve had a revolution about my mother. I feel like I need to forget the women and mom she used to be and see her as an addict so it doesn’t hurt so much when she lies and disappoints.
      What is it like to be a mother with a gambling problem? Did you only see how your actions effected your girl once you quit?…Thank you so much, Kathy

    • #23879
      p
      Participant

      Hi miss, what in the world is going on in your world… Give us an update woman!
      P

    • #23880
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi all,
      I haven’t been here for a while….I tried on several occasions to post but couldn’t so I’m glad I can today. I see that Kin has started a thread for P, has she disappeared? Vera, my dear friend, just keep going…..I think you have come a long way, you’re posting, I remember when you just wouldn’t come back! Progress? I definitely think so!
      I’m ok, a few problems at home, I’m not the happiest of chappies at the moment. I am the only one who can change my life, I’m scared, really scared so for now I wait and try and find my strength, think things through and not make a rash decision. I know I’ll be ok, I’ve been to hell and back and survived. I have not gambled. That is a blessing.
      I can’t say I’ve been dealing with my issues in a positive way, I’m doing my usual head in the sand routine. But I know that I can get through it. I think of you all often, I miss you more than I can say. I can’t write anymore tonight, I’m exhausted. Take care friends, K xxxxxx

    • #23881
      vera
      Participant

      Always great to hear from you Kathryn.

      Yes, I am “progressing”, thanks. I had a few expensive skirmishes with slot machines this year, but I feel I’m coming to “burnout” stage now. I’m worn out from gambling.
      Thank God you have not resorted to that futile exercise to alleviate your present unhappiness. That is a blessing, for sure. Not only would it complicate your situation, but it would also cause you to bury your whole body, not only your head, in the sand!
      No problem is too great to overcome, Kathryn. Can you seek counselling? Legal advise? Spiritual guidance?
      I’m also a “head -in-the-sand” type but we both know where denial leads. Nowhere!
      I hate to think of you feeling scared.
      Get help Kathryn. You deserve it.
      How is your darling mum?
      I think of you often.
      V

    • #23882
      finding_laura
      Participant

      I have not posted in a long time. Too long! I can only imagine what you are going through. I will send a prayer your way
      ((( Kathryn ))). Take care,
      Laura

    • #23883
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn,

      Good to hear from you.

      Using support will help you gain the strength you are looking for, keep posting.

    • #23884
      kathryn
      Participant

      Thank you Vera,Laura and Charles….. I feel I need to elaborate a little, I don’t want to give the wrong impression here…..I am in no physical danger, whatsoever.
      I feel I have come to a point where I have changed…..my needs, expectations, my life! It has taken a long time. My life isn’t what I want it to be and the thought of actually doing something about it terrifies me. As usual my overthinking is driving me insane. I know what I don’t want. Now what do I do? This is my headspace. Ugh!
      So I’m not really doing anything. I’m going through the motions. Until it becomes clear and I know it will.
      Looking back my gambling ensured I didn’t have to think. My mind can be my worst enemy. But……I believe things will happen as they are meant to. I have to.
      K xxxxx

    • #23885
      female g
      Participant

      so glad to see you have posted. I and all of us miss you alot and are sending you lots of cyber support. I am so so tired over worked this week. I too have been hard on myself and being self destructive. i had been doing well for a long time but in the past year I had begun gambling more and more. I went into a frenzy the last few times and I finally realized it must stop now or I will ruin everything. So I’m doing everything I can to stop for good. I am just too tired to say much more but hope to stay in touch with you FG

    • #23886
      kin
      Participant

      it was so nice to see familiar old friends in here.

      how are you and how have life been?

      blessings

      Kin

    • #23887
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn. The best thing to do is to just sit on your problems and not act till your are sure what is best for you. (Just what you are doing) I am happy that you are not gambling. Everything happens for a reason. Things will work out for the best. I think the hardest part is facing changes. Most of the time, change is good. Take care of yourself.

    • #23888
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi folks, I only seem to pop back when there’s a drama , posting from my phone is not ideal for me and I don’t enjoy it at all but it’s all I’ve got!
      Sooooo, the word tonight is that my husbands job of 16 years is over, his boss is retiring due to health problems. That in itself is not the problem, he’s a great worker and is already being head hunted. The problem is his attitude. I’m not sure how much more of this woe is me I can take! Misery guts all over the place, it’s bringing me down. 6 and a half years gamble free, this isn’t how I imagined it would be ( picture the perfect family portrait and that was in my head, delusional I know!) I am married to the biggest sad sack God put breath into. His attitude simply sucks! I feel like I’m never going to get ahead and I mean happy ahead living with this man. I’m taking him to the doctor, he needs a chill pill badly!!!!
      Walking on eggshells is the order of the day and who wants to live like that?????
      Anyway, thoughts of gambling have been crossing my mind, looking for that magical escape! Self exclusion saves me there, I’ve been away the last week, we went camping and came home a week early because nothing was good enough, I was having a lovely time to be honest! I don’t make resolutions but by geez I’m going to try and make this year about me, not sure how to make that happen but I will give it my best shot.
      I’m too tired to type anymore, my friends, life is what you make it and I’m not making anything at the moment. As the wise Harry always says….if nothing changes, nothing changes! Scares me to death but this is my year and I’m going for it!
      Love to you all, K xxx

    • #23889
      vera
      Participant

      It’s hard on macho men when the job folds up, Kathryn! (And of course those “machos” are wimps behind the scenes, so it’as all everybody else’s fault)
      Add gambling to the mix and see what you’ll get!!!
      I hope he gets a job FAST. Then he will either be a new man , or back to his old self!
      Stand by him for now K. In my book, you do’t kick a person when they are down!
      (Time enough for that when he starts rattling your cage HA HA!)
      Great to hear from you. You were on my mind.
      Happy New Year to you and yours.
      Can’t believe “Little Christmas” is almost here-6th January!

    • #23890
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Thanks Kathryn for your post on my thread. It meant a lot. I am giving posting on my thread a break for awhile. I feel like I need to post on other’s threads instead. Sorry to hear that your Husband lost his job. I hope he finds another one soon. I think that it is a awesome idea for you to put yourself first and make this your year! You deserve it. We are not responsible for another adults happiness. They need to find if themselves. You deserve happiness and peace in your life. Take care!

    • #23891
      kathryn
      Participant

      Well blow me down with a feather…..
      He apologised! Never happens, probably 4 times in the 25+ years we have been together. Now I’m not gloating, I don’t believe I have ‘won’, to be honest I don’t feel any different.
      He did it by text, I had taken the boys to see Star Wars at the movies…..am I the only person in the world who had no idea what idea whatsoever THAT was going to happen. I sat in the movie theatre bawling, sobbing, sniffing and snorting everywhere!!! Mind you, my 16 yo son was howling too!!!!
      Anyway I read the text when I got out.
      So, where to from here? No idea. I have picked up my copy of ear pray love again thanks to a very thoughtful friend and I’m pounding the pages.
      If nothing changes nothing changes.
      I need some change that’s for sure….starting with me!
      I don’t know how on earth I am going to do it, or where to begin. I guess like anything and everything, I’m on day 1. Kathryn’s life….
      Here we go then!!!!!
      Love K xxx

    • #23892
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, At least he apologized. How is your Mother? I think of her often. Take care sweet lady!

    • #23893
      vera
      Participant

      Strange, how we hanker after change , Kathryn and when it hits us unexpectedly we sometimes find it difficult to handle.
      There are lots of clichés being bandied around “if nothing changes, nothing changes”, “everything changes” ,”change of Life”, “accept the things I cannot change” , “climate change”etc, etc. I notice as life moves on, many people become restless. “Change” for the sake of change seems to be the solution to our present dilemmas, the name of the game so to speak. “Move on”, “Let go, let God”, “Forget the past” are expressions we hear in counselling. religious sessions and support groups. Acceptance and gratitude are mentioned but in reality, chasing “change” has become more popular than actually stopping and looking at where we are and what we have NOW………. The reason I’m rattling on Kathryn, is I have noticed in myself that this restlessness for change set in when I was around your age (the good old menopause can be cruel to women) and that restlessness led me to gambling. Searching for something I felt I didn’t have. A discontentedness. I sense that “yearning for something else” building up in your recent posts. (Not judging now, just observing, before anyone jumps down my throat). I’ve been through these “phases” K. I learned in fact that sometimes things DON’T change. Or if they do, it’s not always the type of change we anticipated or longed for. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe it’s no co incidence that your husband’s sudden ability to text an apology coincides with losing his job? Maybe, he is growing up? Maybe you are seeing him in a different light? Maybe your post is a pointer for me , a clue as to how I should act towards people in my life? There is the type of change that happens without force or human input. Often, circumstances are outside our control. A sort of “Moving on”happens that we cannot halt. An Eternal Orchestra playing the Life Symphony, note by note without missing a beat . Without holding up the tune for whims and flaws of individual musicians. Like the ebb and flow of the waves as we watch at the sea shore or the rolling river continuing to flow when smaller streams join it. That’s what Real Life is like, Kathryn. Despite our input it can’t be forced. It just happens. Maybe, to ensure stability in our lives, we can pray for the Wisdom to focus on the things that don’t change.
      “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference” has profound meaning.
      One thing I have noticed is when I change, everyone changes!
      Hope himself lands a new job soon.

    • #23894
      kathryn
      Participant

      Good evening!
      Lisbeth, my beautiful mum is doing well, her health is good, no real issues there, if only her mind was the same! I enjoy every moment although she mainly talks about going home, still, she’s here and talking and u take what I can get! Thank you for remembering her, she turned 85 last month, I’m very blessed!
      Vera, you are right in a lot of ways….I don’t really like change, more so if I’m not the one making the changes! Life does just happen, but I would like to see myself become a little more vocal in regards to my own life. I’ve been dormant for too long, scared of upsetting people when they have no quarry in doing so to me. It’s a small step, little changes can have a big impact! The butterfly effect so to speak .
      In back at work, ugh! Although I do have tomorrow off lol. It is going to be 42c here, absolutely ridiculous!!!!! Planning on getting my home jobs done early and relaxing the rest of the day, too bloody hot!!!!!
      I was shattered to hear of David Bowies passing yesterday, what a genius of a man. I always get a shock when a celebrity dies, like I really believe they will live forever….. I guess he will in his music and movies!
      I’m off to the tennis next week, those that know me know it’s an annual event for me and my sister…. I will be talking about our relationship at a later date, too much to say there!
      Well time for bed, take care friends, love K xxxx

    • #23895
      female g
      Participant

      Life is full of surprises and at this point in time there will be many I suspect. The one thing I noticed as I went through the change was that my hubby went through some of the best changes as well. Men take so long to mature and then once they realize that they too must change it takes them by storm. Its a tough time to go through but hang in there and hopefully you will come out with a better understanding of one another. This apology might be the first of many to come and he himself may come to be more sensitive to you and the changes your going through. You might find your emotions all over the place for awhile and your brain feels detached somehow. I used to call that period my out of body experiences. Weird really. Hot flashes do strange things to us physically. Hormones through us into crazy mood swings at times. We may fly off the handle for no clear reason and we may want to cry over nothing much at all. It can be confusing and it can lead to some bad behaviour. Try to stay in control as much as possible and if it all becomes too crazy use some natural HRT. I felt It affected my confidence for awhile but I’m back so to speak and feel good. So shall you in time. Keep away from gambling and you’ll find everything easier getting through this too Fg

    • #23896
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi FG!
      I have to say, I haven’t started going through the change yet! I’m not looking forward to the symptoms (hopefully I won’t get many) but I’m looking forward to the outcome!
      I am already preparing myself, whatever I need I will be getting in terms of meds! I’ve never been afraid to take tablets, as long as it makes me feel better!
      Dames has just left for work, he’s grumpy this morning. I wouldn’t want to go I 42 degree heat either and no air con!
      When he gets like that I withdraw, take my coffee to another part of the house. Sometimes saying nothing is best!
      I’m still following the weight watchers program and its been just over 3 years since I joined. I have kept my 20kgs off. I went for a big walk with my girlfriend after work last night and then went to a donut van that comes down every Christmas and had a huge jam donut! Lol, these donuts are amazing and I savoured every mouthful!!!
      Well, time to go and check out the forum, have a great day everyone?
      Love K xxxxx

    • #23897
      p
      Participant

      Cant believe you kept of 20kg that is incredible.. you must really be aware of what you eat and how much etc contains what amount of calories or points etc, that is fantastic, its not often that i hear of people losing the weight and keeping it off. Your recovery is fantastic also, i was always inspired by you and i think its so great you are still here after six years gamble free, well despite one blip but oh how i would love to say i only had one blip in six years, and you moved on instantly from it. Something i could never ever do. If i start I’m gone. So very well done to you on your recovery. Im in awe of people who can stay gamble free long term.
      I know you have been having props with hubby but wow what a lengthy marriage, something else I’m in awe of.. i never hear of people being married that long.
      I think you’ve done many great things Kathryn and i am so pleased to see you back here. I was also here when Marilee and Nancy and Andrea were all here. Our paths have been very very different yours and mine but the good thing is we are both back. Sort of wish i could say I’ve been gamble free six years too but ummm not the way my journey has gone but think i found a rock bottom that i cant even describe my previous relapse. Very proud of you our K.. thanks for coming back i missed you

      P

    • #23898
      kathryn
      Participant

      Evening all,
      Well hubbys work situation isn’t all doom and gloom, he has work which I am so grateful for, the concern for me is will it be ongoing?
      Thankfully my exclusion stops me looking for my zombie zone, in front of a machine!
      My daughter returns from the USA on Friday after almost 4 weeks away doing all the things I have only dreamed of, I can’t wait to see her, Harry and I are picking her and her husband up from the airport and then I’m off to the tennis!
      I’m extremely broke this year so there will be no shopping for me but that’s ok, I have enough for some food and my tickets are paid for, I love the Australian Open and look forward to it every single year!
      Lots happening at home, Bailey has started trade school and Harry has 1 more week before returning, my day off tomorrow is certainly no day off!!!
      2 more sleeps and I’ll be relaxing….. Can’t wait!
      Take care my friends, K xxxxx

    • #23899
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Kathryn,

      It’s been way to long – I do think of you often – how many times we were in groups together. One thing I can relay to you – just because you quit gambling, doesn’t mean there won’t be other problems you have to face in life.

      But because you are gambling free, your mind is able to attack each of those problems with all it’s might. And with God’s help, we make it through. I will keep you all in my prayers.

      Stay strong!!

      Lee

    • #23900
      female g
      Participant

      you look amazing and I hope all continues to go well for you and i always look forward to your supportive words. My daughter sold her house and now i won’t have to stress any longer over it. She will be moving 2 doors down from us on Feb16th and I am thrilled. She wants me to keep it on the down low until friday but I had to share here . FG

    • #23901
      finding_laura
      Participant

      I agree! You look amazing! Sometimes we are never happy with our current accomplishments! We only look to the next thing we want “fixed” or changed. Be proud of what you have accomplished so far.

      You say you are afraid of change but look at all the changes you have been through and you have only come out a better Kathryn.

      The changes you made in your life when it came to gambling are impressive. Losing and keeping weight off is amazing! Your daughter married, your mom having to go into a home, change in jobs, change in lifestyle.

      Sounds like there has been lots changed over the past 6 years and staying away from the gambling is the biggest and best. Hope you are having an amazing time at tennis. Well deserved reward! Laura

    • #23902
      p
      Participant

      Wow you have achieved amazing things. Im trying extremely hard at getting my fitness back, its been long gone!! Im trying so hard with gambling too, you have achieved both these things. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. sure you are smoking, it all takes time and you have achieved so much. I admire you today and always have.

      P

    • #23903
      vera
      Participant

      Where did you get to Kathryn?
      ‘Hope things have improved for hubby at work?
      Give us an update when you can.
      My daughter has moved out of Sydney. Says it’s too expensive there now. Lots of her friends are moving. She is gone to live in Ho Chi Ming City.
      Is Brea living near you?
      Your babies are growing up Kathryn!
      EEEKS!!

    • #23904
      p
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn
      I just wanted to say hi and i wonder how you are doing often.. i hope things are going well for you..
      Just checking in.. i know you be busy with life going on but i always hope to see you here sometime for an update

      P

    • #23905
      kathryn
      Participant

      P, thank you for thinking of me x
      I’m not in the best place, I have been gambling online, not for money, they are games BUT…..I have been buying credits which is exactly the same thing. Dames is onto me, he got the bank statement and told me there was all this money coming out from the apple account. A significant amount, I nearly fainted when he said how much! I’m currently lying and saying it must be the kids (I know!!!!!!!) I can disable my account, I will do it this week. I’ve asked Jode to put the PIN number in so I can’t access it. It’s the escape, it’s always been the escape….. I feel pretty crap at the moment, lost and lonely and to be honest, if p hadn’t posted I wouldn’t be writing this right now!!! I feel like I hollow shell. Not sure how to go about fixing this, it’s a lot of things…..not much else to say right now.
      K xxx

    • #23906
      p
      Participant

      Im so glad to hear from you. I know you are in a tough place right now but you are being honest and addressing it.
      Online games are not gambling i dont think are they? Unless they are online pokies i think.. i see what you are saying though if you have to keep buying credits. I know its the escape, ugh.. i crave it too. Of course.
      Kathryn you are such a strong woman and i know you have been through worse, you will get through this too..
      Hang in there chickadee

      P

    • #23907
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn
      You say that you are not sure how to go about fixing this but you do know what to do and you have made a start by posting here.
      Risk and uncertainly can be overtly or covertly played with and manipulated and while not technically gambling (in other words dry) you are allowing your mind to place bets and in doing so your are posing a real threat to you recovery. You will soon not be able to shake of the excitement this behaviour is instilling in you Kathryn – I urge you to go back to the start of your thread and read it all again.
      You have lost your way but you can find yourself again and be the person you want to be. An escape that makes you feel lost and lonely is not an escape, it is a pitiless drop into activating your addiction
      Keep posting and disable your account immediately – don’t put it off – let us know when you have done it.
      Well done posting
      Velvet

    • #23908
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, You are on the way to fixing things by posting here. I know you will get through this and come out for the better. I wanted to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day! Hope you have a great day. Take care.

    • #23909
      female g
      Participant

      this online thing is it free or does it cost money??? Either way we all know the risk we take when we play with fire , we get burned. There is no other way to see what happens when this addiction takes over our lives.
      After losing my closest friend I decided to not give a damn and go gamble, after all I needed to have some fun after that. Not a good idea because I wasn’t satisfied with just one visit and went a second time and then a third. Now Im left fighting urges and a mind full of gambling thoughts. So not worth it !!! I.m just about done paying off the last 12 thousand I spent and it worries me that I might not be able to control this addiction once I feel I’ve paid it off. I need to realize once again there is no way I can gamble reasonably ever. Thank goodness I can’t get my hands on much cash at the moment or I may have caused serious damage. I am relieved about that.
      Do what you know needs doing and don’t allow the things that you find difficult provide cause to gamble. We know that it is never ok to find excuses to do this.
      I am going to work at controlling myself again and get back to doing the right thing and that is simply not gambling, join me why don’t you and we can support one another. FG

    • #23910
      kathryn
      Participant

      P, velvet, lisbeth and FG…..thank you!
      I am heading to jodes tomorrow night and an getting her to block my account with a PIN number…. I tried doing it myself with my eyes closed, but of course you have to put it in twice! Of course that didn’t work.
      I’m playing online pokies….free unless you buy credits, i can’t really win any money. But it’s not the money, it just means I can sit in my zombie like state for as long as possible, cut off from everyone. I’m going to visit a friend on Friday night for a sleepover. I need to get away, even for a minute. I feel desperately unhappy, the gambling isn’t helping.
      My mum is deteriorating… She doesn’t know who I am. I laid on her bed yesterday and sobbed. I miss her so much, the woman who could make everything better, who loved me so much, now looking at me like a stranger. She dried my tears with her handkerchief, but there was no emotion behind her beautiful eyes. It’s like she has sunken into herself. I can’t make her feel better any more than she can make me feel better. It breaks my heart a little bit more every time I see her.
      I can feel it cracking.
      Dames and I aren’t great either. I have been unbearable. I hate him 500 times a day. He is who he is and that’s never going to change.
      I feel so lonely , my family is broken, I barely hear from my brother and sisters. I am alone.
      I don’t know how to pick myself up. I’ve always tried to be happy but it seems I never quite get there. My gambling block will be the start. Almost 7 years, not a bad run. Maybe it’s the 7 year itch? Who knows. I do know that if nothing changes nothing changes (yes Harry , you are burned into my brain)
      Time to move forward. I just need to stick my foot out and take that first step.
      Love K xxxx

    • #23911
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I feel your pain! I am sorry that you are feeling lonely and alone. I get what you are saying. My kids are grown and have their own lives and I don’t have a lot of interaction with my Sister. Oh, your Mother! It must be so hard for you to see her and she not know you. Try to remember all of the loving memories of your Mother. Sitting in front of a computer playing online games in a zombie state isn’t good. It is good that you are doing a sleepover with a friend. Maybe if you can get out more with friends and separate yourself from your problems it will help you think straight. Helps me! 7 years was a heck of a run! I think that you can find your happiness again! What makes you happy Kathryn? One step at a time my friend. I will be thinking of you! Take care.

    • #23912
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi Kathryn, the good news is that you know you can do this. get back to the things that helped you in the past. Back to basics. Get those barriers in place, post here, connect to groups. The things that you know helped in the past. Hopefully see you in a group agan soon.

    • #23913
      kathryn
      Participant

      Just a quick update….. I’m at jodes as I type….I’ve filled her in on everything, she has put a pin in my phone so I can’t access my in app purchases which means I’m blocked. God bless my best friend!
      Love K xxxx

    • #23914
      vera
      Participant

      Well done, Kathryn.
      I found myself getting hooked on those Free Slots too. Gave them up on May 1st . Haven’t touched them since. They have the same effect as the “Real Deal”. Zone out. Lose tract of time. Guilt feelings. Headache. Nausea and total waste of precious time that we could be using for other far more important things.
      RG summed it up. “Like taking a pull of a cigarette, without inhaling”!
      I am so sad to hear of your mother’s deterioration, Kathryn. It is gut wrenching. I worked in Dementia care and the only consolation is that she is being well cared for. Whoever described this condition as “The Long Goodbye” saw the full picture. It is harder on you than it is on your mam. Please don’t waste time gambling Kathryn. WE have enough regrets in life without adding more. Spend time with your mam and family. Making memories is what life is all about.

    • #23915
      bettie
      Participant

      Hey Kathryn
      I did that dry gamble for a while too. According to the Yellowbook that is gambling. The problem with the online games is that they stimulate the same sensors in our brain that attracted to the real thing. It’s the flashing lights you know. That’s the hook. I can’t tell you anything that you don’t already know. But always know, that I’m rooting for you. Take care girl
      Bettie

    • #23916
      kin
      Participant

      “Sometimes we have to wait, and as frustrating as it is, there may be a lesson for you at the end of it. I always say that things happen for a reason, at the time i always wonder what on earth that reason could be…looking back i can always see it is clearly as a full moon.” ~Kathryn~

      Dear Kathryn

      I was reading your post from a few years back and it is still helpful for me now. You know what to do.

      Best wishes

      Kin

    • #23917
      kathryn
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      well, ive bit the bullet and bought a computer, we needed one desperately. Damians work is picking up, and we need some sort of office program to ensure we are keeping up with everything. So here I am……
      My anniversary came and went, 7 years with 1 slip. Not bad for someone who thought they could never ever stop. Life is anything but perfect, but geez, my stress levels are nothing compared to what they were when I was in action.
      So life is humming along. I am going to Perth for a wedding next month, we have a few small camping trips planned, the kids are doing pretty well, Dames and I are doing ok…….boring stuff really. YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
      Life is moving along, the year is flying.
      I hope all my friends here are ok. I haven’t been keeping in touch with posts as I used to. I will try to find time to post and read more often. Due to re exclude in October. I will keep on plodding along.
      Take care my lovely friends,
      K xxx

    • #23918
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn Seven years with 1 slip, amazing. You should be so proud of yourself!!! I’m glad that everything is going well with you. How is your Mother doing? It was good to see your post! Take care.

    • #23919
      vera
      Participant

      Great to hear from you Kathryn . Good that D is doing well and that you have a new computer. Thanks for posting to my thread.
      Yea, I’m G free so far this year. PLOD versus BUZZ
      Don’t think I can take any more stress.
      I’m restoring some of the money I lost and at the same time paying off that never ending godforsaken debt. Another 3 years and I’ll be free IF I don’t mess up.
      I don’t think I have another Recovery in me.
      As you know, every CG has another gamble in us.
      Thank God you’re not gambling K. No matter how boring it is to PLOD along , think of the bloody awful mess you would have created in your family if you hadn’t quit when you did. ‘Doesn’t bear thinking about.
      Your kids must be all big n bold now. Your baby girl married! Any sign of a bambino yet?
      I often think of you and wonder too how your mam is doing.
      Everything would be such much worse if were were still “active” K. I know I could gamble in a blink but I have a lot of safeguards up.
      My main barrier is pure doggedegness.
      I refuse to give those fatcats another cent.
      I hate cats!
      Miaow!!!!

    • #23920
      Pea
      Participant

      Hi K

      Its been ages. I am so happy for you and seeing you have made such excellent success of your recovery. I remember being here around the time you started and i so wish i could say the same but unfortunately things have not turned out well for me at all and things have progressed to a scary level now.
      I am still fighting the exclusion laws here and have got no where but nonetheless tried. I ended up banning over 20 places but left me over hundred. Its ridiculous. So my challenge has been to find other things. GA, counselling etc, nothing has worked for me but i guess i had to get to the bottom and maybe its taken all these years to find it. I wish it hadnt. Its not pretty. Guess it had to have me broken.
      Sorry to go on and on about me on your thread. Just giving you a heads up to where i am at.
      I am given hope reading of yours and others success stories. I want to be one too. Thank you for posting recently. It gave me courage to come back again. All the best to you Kathryn, hold on to your recovery it is precious.

      🙂

    • #23921
      lizbeth4
      Participant

      Hi Kathryn, I was reading Vera’s thread and saw your post about your Mother. So sad! I am sorry. It must be really hard for you to see her that way. I complain about my Mother but I do love her and would do anything for her. You are such a sweet, kind person. Take care.

    • #23922
      kathryn
      Participant

      So, I have decided to close my thread and start a new one.

      Why?

      I feel that after all these years its time to let go.

      Its time for a fresh start. This thread was my lifeline. It saved my life. Every thought for the past 7 years is on this thread.

      So many people I have met along the way, people who I have truly called friend. People I have laughed out loud with, I have cried with……all here. Some of the most intelligent, funny, sympathetic, non judgemental, loving, caring, amazing people I will ever have the pleasure to meet.

      In the most difficult of times, you were there for me.

      So many have disappeared into the abyss. I still wonder what happened to them. I hope that they are ok.

      So many others that are still here with me fighting every day for a ‘normal’ life.

      I wanted to say goodbye to this thread. I need to put some closure on it.

      To every single person I have met along the way on this thread……THANK YOU!!! You are part of my recovery.

      To Harry, Charles, Tim, Janey and all the other wonderful GT mentors here…..THANK YOU!!!! You are part of my recovery.

      Lastly…..to me.

      I will always believe.
      Believe there is a better life
      Believe there is always hope
      Believe that I can live my life without gambling
      Believe that while I cant cure, I can manage
      Believe that I can be happy and have a wonderful life

      Believe

      K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #23923
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I walked in the door. It was one of the hardest things i have ever done. I was proud of myself
      15 pcs Watercolor Paint Brush Set

Viewing 2,237 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.