[johnb]

My son is 28, has a nice house, great wife and 2 lovely children under 3.
I thought they were living the ideal family life until 2 days ago when he said he needed to talk to me and proceeded to tell me that he had built up large credit card and loan debt by gambling.
I then find out that this has happened before and that his mother,who I am divorced from, thinking she was helping, loaned him the money to pay of his debts. Probably the worst thing she could have done.
His wife was aware of this but is not yet aware that he has got himself into a worse situation than before.
They have gone away on holiday and he is going to tell her when he gets home.
He has taken debt advice from a charitable organisation who will try and work out some way he can consolidate and pay back the debts.
He is convinced that his wife will leave him and also aware that he has to stop the gambling by whatever means can be found.
I need some plan of action to help him, which will depend on whether he gets the support of his wife.
Advice please.Parrot Man

[johnb]

Originally posted by Velvet
 
Hi John
It does make it easier for your son if you are the one to inform your DIL but this forum’s priority is the support of those who are affected by the addiction but do not own it.    You son will not have an easy time regardless of who tells his wife – but your DIL will benefit from learning from someone who has sought to understand.  Your son is not in need of punishment – he will feel pain at the wreckage his addiction has caused and he can either go into denial to avoid that pain or accept responsiblity which takes courage – he has no easy way out.
Learning to put your own interests above (what you think is) the interest of a loved one, is the opposite of everything you have ever done or believed to be right.   Unless we put yourself first, we can become victims of the addiction and as a victims we are impotent.   Only when we are fully in control of ourselves can we really deal with an addiction that is seeking to control us. We can then give non-judgemental support that is not backward looking and coloured by personal grievances. 
I cannot recommend more highly the Gordon Moody Association who run the Gordon House rehabs but of course it is difficult if your son is the breadwinner – strange word for the person who lost the bread!   Although he would be away for a time it is a mere drop in the ocean compared to the rest of his life. Your son does have to want to change his life, however, you cannot save him.
There is information about GMA in our General Information section lower down on the page listing the forums. It is important to realise that men are going through these houses all the time and do not necessarily write on the site but go on to lead good, honest lives.    Friends and Family move on and have no need of this site, when they recover, which is the right thing to do – current thread are usually, therefore, from those still coming to terms with what has hit them.
Your son is lucky to have you as his dad even if he does not appreciate it yet.
Velvet

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