12 January 2018 at 6:43 pm #6111Collection101Participant
Hi, i am very new to this forum and in advance i appreciate any help or advice.
My boyfriend has been gambling since he was too young to gamble (his mum put his pocket money on bets for him, something i disagree with and struggle to understand i guess she didnt know what would happen). We have been dating for 3 years now, from what i understand the problem worsened when he was 18 (now 22) when he was able to legally gamble. He is a chef so works in an environment surrounded by others who gamble and his friends gamble too. He spends his wages on the day or day after he gets them then relies on me for food and money for transport to work. He lives with me and his mum hasnt got high income to support him.
He has given gambling up before and had a fee months free managing to even save money. Something which i was proud of and told him and he was proud of, as he has a goal to see a certain number in his bank account. A few months ago, he gave me his bank card and deleted all online accounts, i have been giving him a weekly allowance (and saving the rest), all the money is his and i am open to him about it and he agrees to this. He had his card for one day to get the weeks money out and instead gambled it all.
Do i teach him a harsh lesson and tell him to go home and sort it for himself? He then gets in a cycle of owing money before hes earnt etc. I don’t know how to help him now, its unfamiliar territory for me and i care a lot and do not want our relationship to suffer.
Sorry for long post.
Thank you.16 January 2018 at 6:33 pm #6112
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team16 January 2018 at 11:03 pm #6113
I’m sorry you didn’t make the group – there is a lot of support here for you.
I am on holiday at the moment but i will catch up with you next week,however, I will have another group on Thursday between 20.00 -21.00 hours UK time if you would like to communicate in real time.
You will be very welcome
Velvet24 January 2018 at 2:13 pm #6114
If anybody knew that addiction would be the consequence of innocently gambling, I doubt there would be a need for a site such as this.
I think you are doing well taking control of your boyfriend’s finances and your boyfriend is lucky to have you on his side.
You cannot save you boyfriend, only he can do that but you can and indeed, you are, supporting him in a healthy way.
I suggest that you download the 20-questions from the Gamblers Anonymous website and ask him to look at them. He is possibly unaware that what he is doing has the power to ruin not only his life but the lives of all those he loves.
I am bringing up my thread entitled ‘The F&F Cycle’ which if hope will help you see the way the addiction goes round and how those who love them can get caught in the loop.
Looking after yourself is incredibly important, if you allow his addiction to control your life then you will be unable to help anybody, so keep your other friendships alive and invest in hobbies and interests that are not gambling related.
It would be great if you could join our live group where we can communicate in real time. Unfortunately I cannot run a group this Thursday so the next one is next Tuesday 30th January between 22.00 -23.00 hours UK time – you will be very welcome.
Velvet29 January 2018 at 12:10 pm #6115Collection101Participant
Sorry i haven’t got back to you, i couldn’t work out how to reply then realised i cant on the mobile site.
I work shifts and have been unable to be online for the live chat but i will as soon as i am able. Thank you for your advice, i do have a support network to help me so i do not feel the strain of gambling luckily.
As for my boyfriend he is doing well, he had a overdraft and did not want to tell me incase i was upset but now he has admitted it to me and i am very proud (and I’ve told him) that he found the courage. Independently he has looked at helplines but is nervous to begin this process, i will maybe direct him to this site as online may be easier for him.
I am also trying to get him to see what triggers gambling and to reduce that. I think he really wants to change and break the habit now so we are at a good stage, but i know this is crucial and it wont just happen overnight. He has never decided to approach help alone before.
I am setting little goals (like deleting online accounts) with dates for it to be done by to make it more manageable. Are there any other suggestions I can to do to make this easier for him?
Thank you30 March 2018 at 4:35 pm #6116
An update would be great
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