15 March 2018 at 12:57 am #6199Mintchip12Participant
Hi guys, my life for the past 4 years with a gambler has gotten worser every year. He started at age of 16, he is now 22 years old and I am 21 years old. He had this problem way before me but it was never this bad. He was buying scratch offs multiple times a day and they would range anywhere from $2 games to $25 games. He has always been a big online better as well. He always did sports betting and he still has yet to stop although he has almost stopped scratch off’s, except for maybe once or twice a month not everyday llike he used to. This year he has been attempting to stop this addiction and at the beginning of this year he was lying to me saying he had stopped but I had found out as well as his mom that he had been using money he did not have (his moms money) He was out of work for a very long time due to a car accident injury and he spent every last cent of his money on sports bets but still continued to use his mothers card without any of us realizing because he had told us he stopped all types of gambling. He always says that nobody helps him with his addiction but none of us (family and friends) know how to help him. He wants to stop he alway says but can’t. Its finally hitting me that everyone our age is out and able to do things like go out to eat, go to the movies, go somewhere fun and we miss out on all of these great fun things because of his unstoppable addiction. His friends are also very big gamblers so they always egg him on and ask him to put in bets together and this makes it worse. It is just a continues cycle of him stopping and then starting again and I just do not know what to do anymore with this whole situation. It is really going to end up ruining our relationship if he does not stop and I have told him this multiple times. It just doesn’t work even if he tries.15 March 2018 at 8:45 am #6200
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
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The Gambling Therapy Team16 March 2018 at 12:49 pm #6201
Your boyfriend says that nobody is helping him with his addiction when he is the one who has to help himself if he wants to live gamble-free – nobody else can save him. It is my belief that he knows that his family and friends don’t know how to help him because that suits him – while everybody else worries about what to do; he isn’t worrying at all but indulging his addiction at their expense.
His addiction is not unstoppable or I wouldn’t be writing to you now. If he truly wants to stop gambling then in my opinion, confiding in his gambling friends that he is having a problem would be a good place to start. ‘If’ they are real friends then they should recognise his problem and support him. Going to GA or perhaps seeking support from organisations, such as this, would also show a desire to be gamble-free. Our Helpline, CG groups and ‘My Journal’ forum are free and anonymous and are willing to support him, so the help he says he is lacking’ ‘is’ available – he only has to want it enough.
The cycle will continue Mintchip as long as you allow yourself to be part of it. It seems to me that you have given up seeing friends and going out because of a problem that is not yours. I believe you should look after yourself, see friends, go out to eat, go to the movies and live the life you deserve. If your boyfriend can see you living a happy life then, hopefully, he is more likely to want to join you than to sit at home, lonely, because he is not prepared to make an effort to curb his addiction.
I am not, nor ever would, suggest that you leave your boyfriend, that decision will always be yours – but once we allow ourselves to become part of the problem nothing ever changes. The addiction to gamble gets worse, never better without treatment and support. Your boyfriend is stealing now from his mother so he has already crossed at least one boundary and could well adopt this as a way of life until those around him say ‘no’. I sincerely hope that his mother is protecting her finances better and is refusing to give her son any cash.
Giving cash to a CG is the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic – it triggers the addiction in the brain and keeps it flourishing. Giving cash to a CG, paying off their debts, joining them in their pursuits is called enablement.
If he wants to stop Mintchip then suggest action to seek support, words are meaningless.
I hope you will keep posting
Velvet20 March 2018 at 11:24 pm #6202RedareParticipant
I don’t often comment on posts but yours story seems so close to my own Sons’ that I feel the need to do so.
Firstly you need to decide one thing – are YOU strong enough to stand up to this addiction – and also the person controlled by it?
Secondly, your boyfriend has to take responsibility for his gambling in order to move on. Ir he does do this there is hope for him and all those that love him around him, if he does not then HE will move away from all and you will eventually be dropped because you know too much 🙁
i know this unfortunately from my experience, however you as my own CG beautiful GF are young and life will throw you some tough tasks to deal with. Choose the battle that you have the energy for!
Decide wisely and do not spend years of thinking you can change a person or yourself . XX30 March 2018 at 4:07 pm #6203
It would be great to get an update
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