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    • #68205
      Cgsupportgf
      Participant

      nDear friends..
      n
      nI met my boyfriend 1.5 year back. We were both like heaven made pair as we have both siffered from past failure relationship.
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      nHe is a single dad, fast forward the story when we met he shared alot of sad encounter he had in his career path. From a director to a valet driver when i met him, to me it was never about the status of what he was working as cos i thought of true love and as long he is kind and a good man.
      n
      nShortly i realised he was on online games, then sudden mia to sleep over at some of his best buddy place leaving me alone at home for no reasons. These happened throughout our relationship and i really thought he just need a boys night cos sometime his son n famoly gave him alot of stress too by nagging that he could not control his finance.
      n
      nI supported him all the way, sold my car n jewellery just hope he could prove his family wrong and be a professional trader as i really saw that he was capable, however he wasnt trading.. he was always playing online casino..
      n
      nThe pattern keeps continue and i wonder why someone could have zero dollar in wallet all the time, can skip meals n sleep but just want to pursue his dream..
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      nIt is till yesterday i came to my breaking point.. we started a business for the past 5 month and the whole thing turned a toil.. we have zero profile and i kept paying n paying while he said he wants full control of the funds and want to learn to be able to preserve money which he cant do it for the ast years. All he beg for was a chance to be trusted.. and i thought n believed i am the one..
      n
      nIt was never the money… the losts… what is killing me inside is to see the man i loved so much and such a capable intelligent man hurting himself always blaming the whole of controlling him, the roller coaster emotional quarrels, the empty promises just tear me apart… i became a bubbly cheerful lady to someone who seems to be aloof now.. i became sad angry n disappointed.. there were a few time i wanted to leave but i really love him n hope true love can help..
      n
      nLast night i packed his stuff n send back his place, wrote him a letter to avoid fights and told him to be free and do whatever he wish to cos he have never admit to me he have cg issue..
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      nI always see him looking positive life quote or youtube.. wrote down notes to remind himself to do good things.. i feel so painful n know he is fighting thru himself but i just couldnt accept the fact is destorying me…
      n
      nHe didnt text or call me then.. and now im getting a little guilty of abandoned him.. what should i do.
      n
      nWhat should i do if i really love him n wish to be with him? I have my weakness of being soft hearted, what should i do if he comes back or if he doesnt…?

    • #68614
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hello CGGF

      Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

      Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

      Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

      Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

      If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

      You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

      We look forward to hearing all about you!

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

      n

    • #68667
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi CGGF
      nHindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it? His son and family giving him a lot of stress over his inability to control his finances, which he turns around, so that you see him as being ill-treated, is sadly typical of many relationships. None of us, however, are blessed with a crystal ball and sadly, it easy and understandable, to see how he pulled the wool over your eyes.
      nI agree that it is not the loss of money that hurts but it is the loss of the person and the inability to save them that is the most painful.
      nI am interested that you say, “what should I do ‘if’ I really love him?” this is not something I can really answer. To support a compulsive gambler, in my opinion, takes true love, commitment and tremendous courage – without love, I think it would be nigh on impossible.
      nThere is nothing wrong with being soft-hearted but sometimes life dishes up problems that cause us to toughen up. It is not necessary to become hard-hearted but the only way to deal with this addiction, in my view, is to face it with the blinkers off.
      nI think you did brilliantly packing his bags and letting him go. Now is the time to remember why you knew you had to tell him to go and to accept that if you took him back you would find yourself back in the same position – unless he admitted to you and himself that he was a compulsive gambler and sought support. Words are not enough.
      nUse your time carefully – you have put yourself out of the shadow of a terrible addiction, you can learn from it or you can let it bring you down. I know which I prefer that you do. Enjoy the life you deserve.
      nVelvet
      n

    • #68669
      Cgsupportgf
      Participant

      Dear velvet, thanks for your reply.

      Everything that you mentioned was true.. true love always play a big part to the journey when our love ones is in addiction..

      He came back, and being a alpha guy i know he will never admit being a cg. It been a few days, he have not touch the slot. Just yesterday i gave him a 100 i told him i felt he was stressed with no money and i hope this is to allow him to buy food n drinks n not on games. 

      I have small talks n hint statements like i know is not easy and i cant do it for u, but ill be with you. Every night i massage for him n he slept flat with soothing music, one night he finally said something like i need u with me to watch netflix as i felt restless n seems like my virus is coming again. I took it as i understand and quietly smile to him and tell him is ok, we can do it tgt. 

      I just wonder if this help any cg here.. i have no doubt in giving as part of true love.. i know alot say never give them money, but i just dont know how to be harsh all the way, sometime too harsh they will escape n run, so i did the diff approach to hopefully give him courage n touched hoping he wont feel lonely changing for the better.. 

      As i said i am soft heart but looking at ur comment i felt i really have to switch abit and be stronger. 

      My sisters were drug addicts for the decades and when i was young i know is so draining but love n support is all needed in the process of recovery…

      I want to believe what i am doing is right although alot say is never going to help being kind.. i hope friends who are having cg read this n believe there are really true love from family n partners.. those bad friend pls chop off.. u will not regret in the future…

    • #68670
      Cgsupportgf
      Participant

      Do i really really chop off all the money?

    • #68743
      velvet
      Moderator

      Hi CGGF
      nI think the best way I can answer your question is to ask you if you, would give a drink to an alcoholic – I think the answer will be ‘no’. Giving cash to a compulsive gambler is the same as giving that drink.
      nI don’t think it is harsh to refuse cash to a compulsive gambler. Your boyfriend wants cash to gamble, if you bought him drinks and food it would be better for him.
      nI do believe that loving support is the best thing for a gambler trying to live a gamble-free life but loving support has to be tough and an addicted gambler can be very manipulative.
      nYou sound a lovely girlfriend and your boyfriend is very lucky to have you on his side but please make sure that you take care of yourself because his addiction will hurt you if you allow it. Never forget how important you are and how important it is that you stay healthy and keep your finances safe.
      nI wish you well
      nPlease keep posting
      nVelvet
      n

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