- This topic has 10 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by vera.
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16 December 2014 at 8:22 pm #27762kathrynParticipant
Hi everyone,
It’s that time of year again, the silly season. I always found Christmas so hard. My gambling would escalate during December, I would try to win more money for presents, of course I would never win and then be chasing losses…..the merry go round of hell!
One year I lost everything and told everyone my purse had been stolen out of my car. I even went through the process of getting new cards, licence, bank cards etc. my beautiful mum giving me money for presents that year.
Another year my kids suffered. Presents were scarce, I remember years later my best friend telling me she remembered that Christmas and how disappointed my children were. She never said a word to me at the time but knew exactly what I had done.
The pressure of Christmas can be unbearable. The feelings of loneliness and isolation can be devastating. The addiction is smiling and rubbing its hands together…….oh it loves nothing better.
I guess I wanted to write this post because I know how hard it can be. I’m reminded of how many Christmases I lived through feeling physically ill.
This year is a different feeling for me. Of course the money pressure is still there, years of gambling have seen to that. It is better however and I don’t have the stress I once did. I’m more organised and am going into Christmas feeling relaxed.
I don’t think I have the magic words to help anyone get through this crazy time. All I can say is that we aren’t alone here, we understand as we have all been there. Use the forum as much as you can. Talk to Harry and the team, they have ways to help you cope. For anyone struggling, keep posting and reading, it really does help.
I would like to wish all my friends, old and new a peaceful Christmas. I’d love nothing better than to have you all over for Christmas lunch! I will be thinking of you all.
Love K xxxx -
17 December 2014 at 5:40 am #27763lizbeth4Participant
Thanks Kathryn for your post about Christmas. I don’t know why but I have been feeling very lonely this week. I put the tree up and decorated and wrapped the gifts. I have bought everything for the Christmas dinner. My Daughter, Grandson, and others are coming to stay with me for 4 days during Christmas and I am looking forward to it. I have had some gambling urges lately but haven’t acted upon them. I remember many tight Christmas’s when I gambled money away. Not this year!!!!
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17 December 2014 at 12:10 pm #27764janey1Participant
Thanks Kathryn, I’m sure your words resonate with a lot of people here.
Merry Christmas 🙂
Janey -
17 December 2014 at 4:39 pm #27765AnonymousGuest
Kathryn , thank you for writing this post. As I sit here fighting the urge to “earn” a little more for Christmas, your post has reminded me of all I have to lose.
This is an extremely powerful post Kathryn.i think for any mother, disappointing her children on Christmas Day hits hard and stays with you. We’ve all been there Kathryn where we have let people down.i am going to reread what you have written every time Im tempted over Xmas!! -
19 December 2014 at 10:12 pm #27766AnonymousGuest
Too many Christmases have been blighted by gambling for us all. The memories aren’t at all pleasant but it is good that we can remember, without the need to try and run away, or escape, from those memories. Those memories really do help me to keep myself focussed on my new non gambling life, I don’t ever want to return to the person that I was.
Nice post to read Kathryn, and although the money pressures still live with you, this year you will still be able to give the biggest and best present to your family. A “clean” Kathryn.
I take my hat off to you for being inspiring to so many on GT, and wish you all the best for Christmas and New Year,
Bonza! Geordie.
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24 December 2014 at 6:49 pm #27767moniqueParticipant
Thank you for this post, Kathryn. It says so many of the really important things. People can experience feelings of loneliness and isolation at any time, but when we ‘believe’ that ‘everyone else is having such an enjoyable and sociable time’, these feelings are heightened. It is a time to reach out for whatever support is available and use it well.
I’m glad this will be a better year for you, Kathryn.
Monique
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24 December 2014 at 11:06 pm #27768pParticipant
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE HERE AT GAMBLING THERAPY. IT IS SUCH A PLEASURE TO HAVE GOTTEN TO KNOW YOU ALL ON THIS JOURNEY… HERE IS TO OUR GAMBLE FREE DAYS!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS XX
P
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25 December 2014 at 1:49 pm #27769jansdadParticipant
Merry Xmas all!
Your story, Kathryn, where you told everyone your purse had been stolen reminds me of a similar story that took place almost quarter of a century ago. Only, I took it a step further.
A friend loaned me money to pay my rent because I had lost everything gambling. He told me if I lost that money there would be no more loans. My rent was 360 fl. (this was in Amsterdam and the currency at the time was dutch guilder), but because of the banknotes structure back then, he gave me 375 fl.
My tram home rode past the casino and I thought what if I parlayed that 15 fl. extra into let’s say 50 fl. Wouldn’t it be nice?I lost everything and went home, I was desperate. When I got to my room, I’m not sure how or why, but I started beating my face up with a glass roller deodorant.
Soon I had bruises all over my face. The landlord saw me in the morning and I told him what happened – I was mugged and asked him if he could wait a few days for the rent. He said it wouldn’t be a problem. Then I met my friend and told him the same – I was beaten and mugged. He lent me more money and I paid the rent.
It wasn’t until 20 years later that I told him about it, so embarrassed was I. -
26 December 2014 at 8:17 pm #27770AnonymousGuest
Thanks for sharing. I know it’s really not that funny but I can’t stop laughing at these story’s. I guess once and awhile we have to find humor in all the nuttiness.
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31 December 2014 at 5:12 pm #27771velvetModerator
Dear Kathryn
I hope you have a wonderful New Year
As Ever
V -
31 December 2014 at 11:35 pm #27772veraParticipant
HAPPY NEW YEAR KATHRYN!
Thanks for ALL your help and support since we met in 2008!
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