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    • #29897
      davidg
      Participant

      So, where to begin. Looking back, it all began when I was 16 and started playing ESPN’s free game Streak for the Cash. That implanted the idea of “sports betting” in my mind and I started playing a bunch of other free games like Cover’s Streak Survivor, Cash Out Sports, and Sports Ladder Challenge. I guess those games sort of fooled me into believing that, even if you lose, nothing really bad can happen to you. You can get a Bovada account at 18, so shortly after my 18th birthday in September, I got a Bovada account, even though my parents vehemently forbid me from doing so. I got my account and immediately went over 200 dollars up (sooo lucky) so that gave me some false bravado. However, and this would become the norm, I ended up losing it all and ending up with zero. That 100 dollars lost would soon become 200 dollars lost as I lost another 100 dollars shortly thereafter. I was betting mostly on impulse. I was super upset but didn’t really think I had the funds to keep betting so I stopped for a while. After a few months, however, I got the itch again and quickly lost another 200 (two 100 dollar deposits) as I could not stop myself from betting on impulse. I was betting things just so I could get the thrill of getting action and was forcing plays (meaning trying to get that one extra bet in when there was nothing to bet). I was able to hold myself off till February, and on this round of100 dollars I was able to get very close to breaking even (including transfer fees for sending money to Bovada), but I went on a massive losing streak and eventually lost it all to go down 500. Soon after I lost another 100 dollars and quickly after losing that 100 dollars I just lost the last of my latest deposit of 100 dollars today to go down around $770 dollars (including transfer fees). The common theme of my betting is betting on impulse and forcing plays. I have decided though I have had enough of not being able to control myself and have posted here to post my journey to stop my destructive gambling tendencies. It worries me because my sub-conscious wants to deposit another 100 over the summer when my schedule clears out, but I am trying to stay strong.

    • #29898
      davidg
      Participant

      It’s also important to note that I really don’t have a steady stream of income besides a part-time seasonal winter job (which is now over) and occasional money from relatives, so this is a much bigger blow to me than someone with a full-time job.

    • #29899
      Fritz
      Participant

      It is a very good thing you are doing recognizing thisis a problem early on in your life. You are being honest and upfront with yourself and that’s a great start. We all know this is a progressive disease. Its not about the amounts, it’s about the control it exerts over your mind. Trust me, if you let this go on, the amounts will grow. As you have found even something that is “free” can trigger the need to gamble progressively more and more.

      So good on you for reaching out for help. Don’t be embarrassed at all, it is a real problem that affects tens of millions worldwide, young and old. The quicker you get help, the less pain you will go through. I resisted help for years and it cost me very dearly. I hope you choose a different, better path for your life.

    • #29900
      davidg
      Participant

      Appreciate the kind words, Fritz. My subconscious is still thinking about when I can put that next 100 in the account, but I’m trying to drown out those thoughts. I find it especially hard to have quit Streak for the Cash, because I made so many good friends there, but you have to do what you have to do. I’m also trying to find a new hobby, so I made a blog.

      Hopefully this takes my mind off the betting…

    • #29901
      velvet
      Moderator

      <

      Hello David and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team


      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
      privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #29902
      davidg
      Participant

      Actually, I think I made around 7000 (I forgot about bonds). Still, the idea is the same, that’s not a lot of money and I definitely should not be putting hundreds of it on a betting account…

    • #29903
      davidg
      Participant

      The urges are back and strong. I look around and realize how many missed chances I had to win and it’s making me crazy. I am holding off for now, but we will see how long I can last…

    • #29904
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi David,

      Well done on posting here when you are struggling.
      Try not to just “…. see how long I last….” though. You are aware you are vulnerable so use that awareness.

      Who could you give your money to so you can’t gamble it? Where would you gamble? Ban/block yourself from it.

      Try not to look at those “missed chances”. Certainly don’t look at odds etc. if watching sport at the moment is making things hard for you then don’t watch it right now. We all had our wins, they make no difference in the end as we just carry on till we lose.

      Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking to make that next bet harder to place.

    • #29905
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Hi David, Charles is so right. We have all had wins but whether its today or tomorrow we all end up losing them. You have had this experience.

      Once you recognise that gambling has become an addiction for you… Once you find it difficult to stop.. Once it takes over much of your thinking … You can be guaranteed that you will never win.

      Many people write that they wish they had taken the advice and quit when the first joined here .. For many it takes years for this simple truth to sink in.. WE NEVER WIN.. Because we can’t stop when we do ..

      Get a gambling block on your computer or put k9 on it and get someone else to set the code! Do everything you can to get clean now … Things only get worse with this addiction!!

      Well done on recognising you have problem so quickly.

    • #29906
      charlster2
      Participant

      Hi David,

      Just to back up what’s already been said by Happy & Charles.

      You need to do everything you can to make that next bet as hard to place as possible. I thought I was making a concerted effort to stop gambling a few weeks ago and didn’t fully explore all the steps I could have taken to make that next bet near on impossible to place. Blocking software and placing cash out of your reach are great ways to start. I’ve just installed the K9 blocking software and limited the cash I have access to. The K9 software is free and what I did was customise the settings to suit and once I knew my computer was running how I wanted it, I disposed of the password which was a jumbled up combination of letters and numbers. Make the password so random so that you can’t remember it, or ask someone else to set the password for you. I’m on my own so had no one to give my password to.

      Good luck and it’s fantastic that you have recognised this issue and tackling this at such a young age, you’ve obviously got a wise head on young shoulders.

      All the best,

      Charlster.

    • #29907
      I_Maverick
      Participant

      Hi David,

      Please let me confirm that what Happy and Charlester and Charles said. If you don’t stop now, it will never stop. Take it from me – a win leads to more bets, which inevitably lead to losses – then chasing – then more bets – then your head goes and depression sinks in when you lose everything. Please don’t do that. I could have stopped so many times in the last 3 years – they were all opportunties i did not take because I did not see where my addiction would lead. If someone had told me it leads here, and I think they did, I wouldn’t believe them. I wish I had. I so wish I had thought about where gambling addiction leads. Only you know if you are addicted to gambling, but if you are thinking about it all the time, if it affects your mood, if it is hard to stop, if you think about past losses, if you see opportunities to gamble, if you chase losses, if you make plans to gamble rinstead of focusing on other things – these all mean you are addicted.

      In understand now my addiction was medication. I was using gambling to avoid other important areas of my life. Such as my family, my feelings for myself, the work I had to do on the business. All of these things could be put to one side for a few hours gambling. But what that meant is that I became more and more immune to playing small stakes, and I had to raise them. 1 hour became 2, became 3. I would lose the plot when I lost a hand I should win when my opponent got a miracle hand on the river, like they always did. Or when people played rubbish hands and hit miracle cards. I can look back at so many times I promised myself to quit, but I never did. I didn’t have this site and I wasn’t going to GA. Those 2 things could have prevented the world of hurt I am in. It is not worth it.

      I do not want anything more to do with gambling again, it is a total waste of time and money. Let it go. The house always wins. Sure, they let us win a few, but even in a game of ‘skill’ like poker there is a huge element of chance online. eg, I had AA and I raised preflop. Someone else went all in. I called obviously. They turned over Q9 off suit. I thouht – whaey – £200 pot, fantastic start. It was my first hand. The flop came 999 followed by QQ. I simply couldn’t believe it. How could that happen. The odds of that happening are a bit like winning the lottery. The game is rigged. All gambling is rigged. It is rigged against us.

      You are only 18. I am 42 and after I come out of Gordon House I have to start again. Hopefully my confidence will be higher, I will have tools to make use I do not gamble again. But more importantly I have to forgive myself this whole world of shit.

      Take care and keep posting and listen to wise heads here. You cam here as you think you have a problem – only you know that, but ask yourself the question “do you want to find out how bad your problem is?”

      See you soon

      Mav

    • #29908
      davidg
      Participant

      Well, I’m sorry to say I cracked yesterday. The opportunity to bet on the French Open tennis was too much for me to handle and I put another 100 in. Of course the compulsive gambling came back immediately and I forced a bet today and, of course, lost it. Disappointed in myself, but I don’t know what to really say at this point.

    • #29909
      lauren05
      Participant

      David,
      Coming back to start again and pick up the pieces after falling is a good start. Well done ! The urges come with the attraction of winning but that is the addiction. It doesn’t come to remind you of the consequences or the guilt and remorse.

      Yo have to stop. Gambling is not the answer. You’ll end up years later like most of us, having lost everything including our personality and character as gambling doesn’t rob your of money only, it robs your of your self worth, esteem and happiness. You become consumed with gambling. You’re young and have your life ahead of you. Don’t spurn your chances. We cannot beat this monster, he comes back and we end up playing back any win too. Learn from others’ mistakes while you’re young and make your life worth living.

      These short thrills do more harm than good and we end up with nothing. Soon we lose everything but cannot control or help ourselves. I’m going into residential treatment for help and being struggling for over 25 years. It got 100 times worst when I found online gambling and all I worked for was gambling and lost all my salary the very day I received it to gambling.

      Keep posting and just take one day at a time. When you get the urge, delay it for later or come on here and express your feelings in your journal. The community and support groups are here to help you. You could also try the helpline for a one to one chat for support.

      Stay focused and be strong.
      Lauren

    • #29910
      davidg
      Participant

      Well, I’m down 40 and the French Open hasn’t started…so depressing. I can’t control myself. The problem I realize, is that the farther you get down the more you want to bet in order to make up the losses and try to make some money, but then you just get down more because you start betting impulsively and the wheel continues to spin…

    • #29911
      davidg
      Participant

      Well, after getting down to around 88-89 dollars down, I have refused to go down quietly. I have fought my way back to around 59 dollars down. I’m not going down without the fight of my life…

    • #29912
      davidg
      Participant

      Well, I guess I’ll just come out and say it, I lost it all. Lady luck just didn’t fall my way, and I ended up bonking out. It’s depressing, but unfortunately, at this point, I’m used to the internal suffering, which isn’t good but is honestly the truth at this point.

    • #29913
      davidg
      Participant

      After losing even more money (which eventually totaled 100 dollars), I decided I would write an ebook in order to regain the money I lost from gambling. In effect, what it also did was take my mind away from gambling, as writing what turned out to be a novella allowed me to immerse myself in the world I built rather than think about all of the bets I was missing and when was the next time I was filling my account up. Although it did help I had a Wimbledon futures bet during much of the time I was writing this to ease the pain, it lost too, and the only thing I had left was this novella.
      Maybe this novella will start another chapter in my life.

      Edited by Admin, Sorry we have a no advertising policy

    • #29914
      davidg
      Participant

      Well, I’m sorry to have to report that I lost another 100 recently. I am trying desperately to have more control when betting, but without luck.

    • #29915
      charles
      Moderator

      Hi David,

      “……control when betting……”

      Unfortunately for any compulsive gambler, for anyone who finds the need to come to a site like this one control when betting isn’t an option – if we could find that control then we wouldn’t have a problem.

      How about avoiding gambling altogether? What barriers would help you do that? Who could help you with accountability?

      We can regain control of our lives – by not betting.

    • #29916
      davidg
      Participant

      After continuing to bleed money, I have finally, today, decided to seriously quit for good. I have given false promises in the past which, deep down, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep. But, this time I am serious. My parents have almost caught a couple times now, and the walls are “closing in on me”, so to speak. The first time I said I was going to stop gambling, I shut down my three sports betting accounts, only to open another one soon after. I closed down my last account today and I am determined not to open up another one, constantly fighting urges today to bet, but I know it’s not worth it, and so I won’t let my inner desires get the best of me. I won’t let it happen. It’s time I take my life back from the gambling that has consumed so much of my time over so much of my time lately and get my life back on track. I can see the light at the tunnel, and I have seen it for a while, it’s time I finally walk to it.

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