[i’m_free]

Hello to all who read this.
nAddiction to slot machine and zone has once again sneaked into my life and it’s been over a year of on and off gambling. Today I signed up for counseling.
nI had to come to a place of humility. I was not willing to admit that I was in the thrawls of addiction and now it’s way deeper than I had ever imagined this going.
nI have been done so many times. Somehow I convinced myself that I could moderate and stop when ever I wanted to. I have returned to the same sick place.
nSo here I am.
nMaybe I can make use of this site and find some connections….
nIt feels good to begin again.

[i’m_free]

You know, it’s hard to breath and my heart feels effected by the stress of this big relapse which was too long. Way too long… how could I have been in denial for that long? I really am happy to have counseling starting tomorrow. My health is starting to be effected along with the bank account. My well being is lessening more and more. Compulsive gambling is not a coping strategy it’s an addiction. How many times do I have to learn a hard lesson?

[i’m_free]

The relapse has been well over a year but I have been a compulsive gambler for way longer than that… just saying. I’m fresh out of a relapse that escalated hugely and I’m here to be able to share about it and for that I am grateful. And I the title says… I am lucky to have some counseling that starts up tomorrow. Not feeling like a happy camper at all right now. Nothing like being dishonest with our own self. I have to gain some compassion for myself … it will come with time. free

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

n

[G Rec]

Good luck with the counseling tomorrow/today i’m_free and well done on deciding to take that step.
n
nI look forward to hearing updates on how it went.

[i’m_free]

Later today I have that first counseling appointment. I don’t know how I feel because I’m coming out of such denial. I’m confused. Many times after I gambled during this relapse I declared it was my last and took measures to try to balance out my life accept and go on. But there were also some period where I was certain that I could be in control. I almost wish I had not won a few thousand dollars one day a couple months ago. I was ecstatic! Then I went back and won a bit more and also took that home. Then I keep on going back and spent it ALL plus more. Also prior to the ‘win’ , if I can even call it that, I had lost lost lost each time. My story I know is similar to others. IT’s just this way for people who compulsive gamble. So I’m confused about how I feel . AT times like this I feel ungrounded. I don’t want to be in an exaggerated recovery because I want to maintain. It seems I’ve often been completely devoted and so serious that I went in the other direction ultimately. I guess there is no rhyme or reason. I’m glad I took a first step and dusted myself off … don’t know if I’ll ***** days except that I want each day to be fresh and new. free star

[i’m_free]

I was waiting all day for a phone call and it seems that the coordinator got the times mixed up and the counselor called at the time I was quoted but it was a different time zone. I saw a call that said restricted so I didn’t answer it. I then found a message which was good. So she and I are trying to find a time that works by doing messaging as her number is private so clients can not call directly. I understand.
n
nI’m happy that i got to speak with a volunteer on live chat on this site as it helped me.
n
nWriting in the journal is healthy and thx. for all who share.
n
nI’m having visions of the machine that seemed to pay out. But it doesn’t pay out when you expect it to. It’s all chance. I often have been duped into thinking that this one machine or that one machine will help me but even when that machine kicked in I still would put the money back in or take it home and then go back eventually because it’s compulsive … I was in denial. I want to stop thinking about a few machines that gave me any kind of false ideas. There is not way to navigate slot machine pay. And for compulsive gamblers it eventually goes back in one way or another. I’ve been digging a hole…. Thank God , I have some sanity left and a chance to regroup. To feel for my losses is way to great to take on. I recognise the loss and the addiction and it’s serious… but it’s hard to feel to match the extent of the damage and loss… freestar

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